


You Are My Favorite "What If", You Are My Best "I'll Never Know"

by witchy_jadda



Category: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Girlfriends/No Wives, And so does Mikey Way, Angst, Angst and Feels, Awkward Mikey Way, Based on a Fall Out Boy Song, Drug Abuse, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Fourth of July, Frank Iero Is A Little Shit, Frank Iero Is A Sweetheart, Gerard Way is a Sweetheart, How Do I Tag, I Just Really Love Pete Wentz, I love them though, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Infinity On High (Album), Interviews, It's a bit of a mess, Kinda, M/M, Memories, Mild Smut, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Alternating, POV First Person, POV Original Character, POV Original Female Character, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Mikey Way/Pete Wentz, Pete Wentz Is Sad, Pete Wentz Needs a Hug, Reminiscing, Reunited and It Feels So Good, Revenge Era Frank Iero, Revenge Era Gerard Way, So many tags, Song: Miss Missing You (Fall Out Boy), Sort Of, Unreliable Narrator, Warped Tour, Warped Tour 2005, current my chem, love can't save you, petekey, the fic that no one asked to be written again, the summer of like, warped 2020
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:13:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 173,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26066311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/witchy_jadda/pseuds/witchy_jadda
Summary: In which Mikey Way takes a trip down memory lane, thinking back to the summer of 2005...This is basically a fic in which Mikey Way is interviewed about his relationship with Pete Wentz, leading to a lot more revelations including the nature of the relation between his brother and fellow bandmate, Frank Iero.(Updated weekly)Next update: 12th Februaury
Relationships: Frank Iero & Gerard Way, Frank Iero/Gerard Way, Mikey Way & Pete Wentz, Mikey Way/Pete Wentz, frerard - Relationship, petekey - Relationship
Comments: 73
Kudos: 53





	1. Mikey

**Author's Note:**

> (Work in progress) Hey so I know this fic probably seems a little all over the place at times but I promise it will all make sense in the end if you give it a chance. Warped Tour 2005 (AKA the Summer of Like) is one of my favourite times and I've had this idea for a fic for so fucking long that I guess I just decided to do it now and post it so stick with it and I hope you enjoy it :)

He put the cigarette between his lips and lit it with a shaky hand. He took a long, slow drag from it and waited a moment before speaking.  
“I haven’t spoken about this before,” He sighed, “Ever. I don’t know if I’m ready. It’s been over fucking ten years and I still don’t know if I’m ready. I don’t even know where to begin.”  
I offered him my brightest smile, “Just take your time.” I began to set up the recorder. “Do you mind if I…?” I gestured.  
He shifted, looking slightly uncomfortable, “Sure, sure. Whatever you wanna do.” He scratched the back of his neck, “I don’t really feel right about using their names…”  
I smiled, “That’s understandable, we can fix all of that when I start writing.” He nodded and I pressed the start button, “Okay, whenever you’re ready, Mr Way.”

+++

It was a strange summer. The band went from having a fairly small, cult following to all of a sudden becoming mainstream recognised. The transition from the underground basement scene to suddenly being recognised by people on the street was a wild experience for all of us.  
The first strange occurrence was when my brother and I were recognised in a coffee shop.  
“Oh my gosh!” The teenage girl behind the counter squealed, “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh!”  
I looked to my brother, who had widened his eyes and looked quite scared. We approached the counter anyway, cautiously might I add.  
“Hey there,” He said and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.  
“Oh my gosh!” The girl continued to say. She had an eyebrow and lip piercing and eyeliner thicker than Gee’s - which was saying something. She looked between us both in amazement, “I can’t believe this is happening! I’m such a big fan! I can’t believe you’re here! Oh my gosh!”  
“Lisa, you need to take their order!” The guy on the opposite end of the counter ordered, and shot us a glare.  
“Right, yes,” She grinned, “What can I get you? This is so great, I can’t believe I’m serving you coffee! Oh my gosh! Will you guys sign something for me? Please, oh my gosh! This is so exciting!”  
That was the first time we realised the extent of what was going on. We were something big, something important. We were doing something that mattered. I think that inspired him, my brother. I think that gave him the nudge he needed. He knew then that we were doing the right thing. We were doing something important.  
We had been on tour from February right up until April and I suppose that catapulted us into the public eye. For the first time, we were being recognised on the street. A bunch of weird nobodies, and suddenly we mattered to people.  
That June, just a couple weeks before the tour started, we had a big magazine cover story. We’d been featured before, but that was mostly just in punk rock magazines in the UK and Australia, and even a couple in Europe. But this had been or first big USA cover. Maybe that had something to do with our sudden appearance in the spotlight. It was hard to tell.  
I genuinely just thought, and still think, that it was simply because our second album was really fucking good. I guessed this was partially down to the fact that we only had Frank - our rhythm guitarist - on two tracks of our first album, we had him for everything on the second. He was the missing ingredient, we all knew it. He brought it all together.  
The little shit head never left us alone. The very first show we ever played, he stood on a chair and watched. He cheered us on. He was our first ever fan.  
And Gerard loved him. He loved how much Frank loved the band, the music and above all, the words. Gerard’s words. Frank was undeniably in love with the talent of my brother.  
So of course when we asked him to join, he jumped at the offer. He was completely overjoyed. There it was, we were complete. We had other band members come and go over the years, but it was the four of us. The four of us were the perfect combination. And Frank completed that.

+++

He stubbed out the cigarette with a frown, “Maybe I shouldn’t talk about Gee and Frank…”  
“What? No, please do,” I urged him. This was so much more than I could have ever hoped for. Gerard and Frank. I hadn’t even intended on mentioning those rumours. I didn’t want to talk to Mikey about the rumours of his brother’s relationship with his bandmate, but if there was any truth to it, if I could find out what really happened… “Please,” I added.  
He sighed, “Okay, okay. I said I’d tell you everything and I suppose you need to know about them too. Okay, where was I?”  
“You hadn’t even really started,” I laughed.  
“Oh,” He nodded and chuckled at himself, “Right, okay. Let’s see then…”

+++

We met Frank through friends. He was the best thing to happen to the band. He completed the band. He was the baby. I suppose I was too in a way, being Gerard’s kid brother.  
So back to that summer; it was our first big taste of fame. And we were on a big tour for the second summer running. The summer before we were on tour but not nearly as big, and much shorter with much smaller venues. However this summer, we were touring on the main stage for the whole summer. And it was all anyone could talk about. They all wanted to see us. It was a two month long tour, in both the United States and Canada. Brian had organised interviews and television appearances where we told our fans they’d all get to see us soon, and it seemed a lot of them would. To say we were excited would be an understatement.  
The previous year, we didn’t even have a bus. We had a van and a trailer, that was it. And now we had a proper tour bus.  
And better yet, this year my brother was sober.  
“It’s messy already,” I sighed as soon as I stepped on, dumping my heavy duffle bag at my feet.  
“What? No, it isn’t,” Gerard protested, gathering up the papers he had scattered across the table and pushing them into a slightly neater pile.  
The bus was nice, to say the least. There were two couches, one on either side facing each other. Beside the couch opposite the door there was a small table booth, with leather seats on either side. It was here that Gerard had made himself comfortable, with his sketch pads and notebooks spread over the small surface. There was a little kitchenette area opposite the table, and cabinets on the walls.  
It was all ridiculously fancy, especially in comparison to what we were used to.  
Frank was curled up on the couch next to the table, his head tilted back to rest against the seat Gerard was at by the table. He was humming a song from our first album - one that he played on during recording. I knew it was his favourite.  
He laughed and reached over the seat to point to one of the papers in front of Gee, “I like that. He looks like me.”  
“Hmm,” My brother turned his head to look at him, with a big smile, and hummed in agreement. They both stared longingly at each other and I suddenly felt as if I shouldn’t be there.  
I stepped further in, almost tripping up over a heeled boot. It was a shiny, knee high, black boot. I rolled my eyes and kicked it into the corner.  
“Gee, please pick up after yourself,” I frowned at the boot plucking it from the floor with disgust, “And please stop trying to get us all to wear this shit.” My brother was mildly fascinated by musicians like Bowie and Freddie Mercury for their style alone. It wasn’t really our band’s style though.  
Ray appeared then, from the back of the bus and groaned when he saw what I was holding, “Man, I already said I can’t walk in that shit. How do you expect me to stand on stage for two hours in them if I can’t even walk in them?”  
Ray was great. He had the hair side of hair rock down. His hair was spectacular, long and curly with an afro that he didn’t even need to style. We all agreed it was extraordinary.  
“They’re mine,” Gee insisted, “You know, I think we should work on our style a little more. I mean-”  
He was clearly teasing but even still Ray and I groaned in unison and Frank cackled, “Gee, no. Not now.”  
I knew he was teasing. Gerard might have loved the way other bands looked, but I knew ours was his favourite. The mostly black clothes, sometimes with some red, and the heavy makeup was our style, and he loved it. He had been the one to perfect it.  
Ray rolled his eyes and gestured behind him, “Come on, Mikeyway, I’ll show you the rest of the bus. Leave them to talk about our style.”  
That was another great thing about Ray Toro, he hated Gerard’s vision. And it was hilarious. The two were way too close to ever properly fight about it, but Ray’s refusal to wear makeup and dress in Gerard’s flashy style never failed to infuriate my brother, and in turn amuse me.  
I followed him toward the back of the bus.  
“So there’s the bathroom,” He pointed out as we passed through the door separating the living area. “And there’s some storage there,” He gestured to the door opposite the restroom. And then we passed through a curtain and he gestured happily to the sleeping area.  
“Bunks?” I guessed, stating the obvious really, and I couldn’t help but smile. There were two sets of three bunks on either side of the bus. Twelve bunks total seemed a little extreme to me, but I decided that I should just be thankful that I’d have a bed to sleep in. I wasn’t used to that on tour.  
“This one is mine,” Ray pulled open one of the middle bunks. Then he gestured to the other side, “Then Gee and Frankie are in those two.”  
I nodded, “Can I take that one?” I pointed to the bunk above Ray’s.  
“No can do, man,” He shook his head. “Brian took that, and Bob took the one underneath.”  
I rolled my eyes but settled for the one next to Gerard. He had chosen a top bunk, with Frank directly under him. I didn’t mind being next to them. Hastily, I shoved my duffle and backpack into the bunk, messing up the neatly made bed.  
We passed through the sleeping area then and into the back lounge. I was completely in shock at how lavish it all was. There was a large L shaped couch taking up most of it and then another booth. And quite a lot of floor space - which I was unreasonably shocked by.  
“Holy shit,” I muttered, “Who do they think we are, Queen or something? Holy fucking shit.”  
“I know, man,” Ray grinned, bobbing his head, “This is so fucking awesome. Gerard and I were saying that we’d start writing back here and going over new riffs for the next album and stuff, you know. It’s gonna be so freaking awesome.”  
I couldn’t help but smile at his enthusiasm. The bus was amazing. Better than I hoped really.  
We had beds and a toilet.  
And space to put all our shit underneath the bus.  
It was crazy.  
Ray checked his watch, “Brian said we’d be leaving at two. It’s almost two now, I’m gonna go get the others in. They’re smoking a lil something outside at the back of the bus,” He chuckled and headed off.  
I took another glance around the back lounge before heading to the front of the bus.  
“Oh, hey Mikey!” My brother grinned at me when I sat down opposite him. He ranted about how great it was that we were headlining, and then he began to talk about his hair and the new style he had picked for it. And I tuned out, reading the sloppy writing in front of me.  
Lyrics for the new album, I presumed.  
“Mikey!” Brian shouted as he boarded the bus. I jumped. He laughed, “You’re finally here, kid. What took you so long?” Brian was our manager. He was a sweet guy, I couldn’t fault him on that. But Frank once described him as a failed wannabe rockstar, and I couldn’t help but agree on that. He had the hair, and the tattoos, and even wore the right clothes. But it just never worked for him. I don’t think he ever wanted to be a musician, much less a rockstar. But he just had that look.  
I shrugged, “I slept in.” It was true. We’d left New Jersey the day before and gotten a flight to Ohio, where the tour was starting. And then we booked into a motel, which the bus was currently parked next to. I had slept in and didn’t wake up until Frank banged on the door to tell me the bus was outside.  
“Oh,” Brian looked slightly disappointed. He probably expected me to tell him that I’d been out partying and I had a girl in my room or some shit, but I simply shrug. He nodded, “Well, good. Get your sleep now while you still can, eh?” He winked.  
I rolled my eyes in response. Brian always seemed to be trying to push us to do more, partying more, have groupies, live the rockstar life. But it just wasn’t us.  
Only a few months before, on our last tour, Gerard had gotten into a huge fight with a roadie - Todd - over it and even fired him.  
See, we didn’t want to do any of that but other guys did.  
“What the fuck, Todd?!” Gerard had yelled, shoving at the roadie. “You don’t fucking do that shit! We don’t wanna be associated with that shit! That’s not us! That’s not what we’re about! We don’t want that, you fucker!” He shoved at him again.  
I had stood there in shock, not entirely sure what to do. I had arrived after Gerard and so I couldn’t exactly piece together what had happened. Todd was red with embarrassment, there was a young girl crying, and Gerard was furious. It didn’t really take a genius to figure it out.  
And then Frank was there. “Gee!” He yelled as he ran toward us, sweaty after having been on stage. “Gee, what is it? What’s wrong?” He pulled Gerard away from Todd, pinning his arms back in a strange hug as Gerard continued to scream at the roadie. Frank shushed him, “Gerard, what happened?” He asked firmly.  
This time Gerard answered. “He fucking told her that if she showed him her tits and sucked him off, he’d get her backstage. She’s a fucking kid! Fucking dickhead!” He tried to lunge for Todd again, but Frank kept him in place. He was surprisingly strong for his size. “You’re done, you asshole!” My brother continued to yell, “You’re fucking done with this band!”  
Deciding that Gerard had reprimanding Todd under control, I made sure the girl was okay. Thankfully, Gerard had appeared before anything could happen.  
Eventually he calmed down, and the three of us realised that we didn’t actually have the power to fire Todd because he was employed by the label, not us. But Brian did. And he realised how adamant we all were, especially Gerard, about not using women, about not manipulating people or abusing our power. He got the message. We didn’t do that shit, and we didn’t want anyone doing it in our name.  
But that didn’t stop Brian from trying to get us to enjoy our fame a little.  
Ray returned to the bus then, flopping onto the empty couch, and Bob, Worm and Matt Cortez trailed in after him, smelling faintly of weed. I rolled my eyes.  
“Okay,” Brian grinned, clapping his hands in delight, “We’re only about thirty minutes to the venue so we’ll be there with plenty of time for your interviews.” We all groaned collectively. Brian rolled his eyes, “I have a busy day planned for all of you so don’t start. Gerard, Ray, Bob, the three of you are speaking to a reporter. She’s writing a piece on the band in a local paper. Frank and Mikey spoke to her last night and they were civilised, I trust the three of you to be the same. Mikey, Frank, you’re going to the local radio station. Please be nice,” He shot at Bob who scowled.  
“I hate interviews,” He grumbled.  
We started driving then and I moved to the couch to talk to Ray and Bob, while Frank watched Gerard work. Gee ended up drawing the younger boy, the two of them huddled together as if no one else existed.  
When we arrived at the venue - which was basically just a really big parking lot, thirty minutes later as Brian predicted, Gerard and Frank rushed off to put makeup on. I fixed my hair under Ray’s watchful eye and watched as Frank put on red eyeshadow and drew an X over both eyes. I let him put some subtle eyeliner on me.  
Gerard had pale makeup, with a black stripe going across his eyes. His wild black hair pulled the whole look together nicely.  
“Mikey, Frankie, there’s a car waiting. Lets go!” Brian yelled.  
We let him usher us from the bus and toward the waiting car. As we did so, I glanced around and saw one of the other band’s large buses with their name plastered on the side. I rolled my eyes and nudged Frankie, who reacted similarly. We weren’t used to shit like this. We both thought it was a little pretentious, at the time.  
The guy interviewing us had no clue who we were. That was extremely obvious from the moment he mentioned my brother, calling our frontman Jared.  
“About the band name, My Chemical Romance. Don’t you think that’s a little strange?” He asked in a patronising tone.  
Frank offered him a tight smile, “No, I don’t at all. If you knew our sound, what we meant then you’d know that.”  
I shot him a look. Brian would surely kill him for making such a comment on air.  
The host kept going, “But do you not think My Chemical Romance gives off a bad impression? Who even came up with that? I mean, what are you trying to tell the kids who’ll be going to these shows?”  
Frank opened his mouth, a snide reply on his lips but I nudged him and spoke instead.  
“It’s a name I came up with, because I thought it was an awesome name,” I shrugged, and received a half smile from Frank, “We’re for the kids who feel like they have no one and nothing else. We’re a band of rejects, of nobodies, and we’re for the kids who feel like that too. It all depends on the place you’re in. It’s our way of staying strong and showing our scars.”  
Frank glared at the host as I bullshitted my way through my answer. The name came from the back of an Irvine Welsh book, but the host seemed like an asshole so I didn’t bother getting into that story.  
“And what scars do a couple of kids from New York have? And why does everything Jared comes up with have to be so dark? You have a young impressionable audience, why not make things a little lighter?”  
That did it for Frank. A dig at Gerard and New Jersey was enough to send him over the edge.  
“New Jersey!” He snapped, “New Jersey, we’re from New Jersey. And Gerard is the most talented guy I’ve ever met. Our stuff isn’t dark, maybe it just seems that way to you.”  
The guy shot Frank a dirty look and I rolled my eyes. He continued, “Well that leads me to my next question. There’s a lot of-”  
I knew what he was going to say. The way he was treating us was evidence enough that he had heard the rumours. I couldn’t let him say it, not live on air.  
“Talk about the new album?” I cut in with a forced laugh, “Yeah, quite a lot. Um,” I was never really good at interviews. I looked to Frank for help.  
He spoke through gritted teeth, “We’re working on some stuff at the minute. Hopefully we’ll be in the studio by Spring. If all goes to plan, that is.”  
Thankfully, the interview ended not too long after that. The guy played one of our songs and thanked us for being there, and as soon as he could, he dismissed us, muttering about “Kids these days with their music acting all queer…” It was nothing we hadn’t heard before.  
“You okay?” I asked Frank as he pulled a box of cigarettes out of his pocket.  
He shrugged, “I don’t fucking know anymore, Mikes. I really don’t.” He held the pack out to me, offering me one, which I took graciously.  
“What do you mean?” I frowned as I lit it.  
“I’m just sick of them not understanding, I’m sick of hiding,” He sighed. “People should be able to love whoever the fuck they want. It’s all just bullshit.”  
Frank had never openly come out to me, it was something he chose not to speak about. But it was easy to tell. There was really no hiding it. I was understanding, I didn’t care if someone was gay or straight. But some people did.  
There wasn’t really much I could do to help him.  
He was angry when we were in the car on the way back to the venue, so much so that he barely spoke. As soon as we got out of the car, Brian rushed us to sound check and I couldn’t help but notice that Frank was a lot less energetic during the sound check.  
Gerard noticed too, of course he did. As soon as Brian allowed us to leave, Gerard ran to Frank, grabbing him and pulling him to the side. I saw them - 

+++

“You know, maybe you should talk to Gerard too,” Mikey sighed, rubbing his temples.  
“Frank was in love with him, wasn’t he?” I pressed. There had been so many rumours over the years about Frank Iero’s sexuality and the extent of his relationship with Gerard, but it seemed that Mikey was finally admitting to something.  
“You should talk to Gerard,” He repeated and reached for my notepad. I watched as he scrawled a phone number onto the paper. He tapped it, “This is his number. I’ll call him later and let him know in advance that you’ll be calling. You can set up an interview with him.”  
I frowned, “He lives in LA?”  
He nodded, “He does. I’ll tell you what I know about him and Frankie, but you need to hear it from him. What happened was important, far more important than my story. And if you’re writing mine, you have to write theirs too…”


	2. Gerard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really bad at summaries and shit so I'm just gonna give up on that. Enjoy the chapter :)

He looked shocked when he opened the door to me, “You’re a kid.” That was the first thing he said to me.  
I probably didn’t look like he would have expected. I guessed he was expecting a seasoned reporter, and instead he had me. I smiled, “Sorta. Can I come in?”  
He nodded and ushered me in. I followed him through the house and into the kitchen. The house was almost exactly how I would have imagined Gerard Way’s house to look. He turned to me with a raised eyebrow, “Coffee?”  
“Please,” I nodded and sat down. “Did Mikey explain to you what I’m doing?”  
He shrugged, “I suppose. He said you were gonna write an article about him and somehow it turned into a book.”  
I laughed, “Something like that.” That wasn’t exactly true. There was never any article to begin with, but I didn’t think it was necessary to mention that now.  
Eventually he settled down, a cup of coffee in front of us both. I couldn’t help but be amused when he took out a cigarette and lit it up in a similar manner to how Mikey had, before talking.  
“It’s that summer you want to know about, isn’t it? Not just Mikey.”  
I nodded, “I’ve already discussed it with Mikey. The names and details will be changed and you can be credited under a pseudonym, like Mikey, and it will be disguised completely as fiction and-”  
“You’re gonna try to actually publish it? You’re gonna change the story?”  
“Of course not, the story won’t change. Just some of the details. I’ll figure it out.” I had no clue how I’d change the book once it was written, but I supposed that was something to deal with another day.  
He shook his head, “Maybe so. But I don’t think it’s a story anyone will want to hear without the scandal of it being ours. No publisher will sign you for a book like this.”  
“Let me figure that out.” I set up the recorder and offered him what I hoped was an encouraging smile, “Just… talk about whatever you want to.”

+++

Frank got us our first shows. He loved our music. And we loved him. He was so full of life, full of energy. He was everything we wanted for the band. This little punk kid who had to stand on a chair to watch our show was the best thing that happened to the band.  
I remember when we decided to bring on a second guitarist, the only person I could think of was Frankie. We needed him. And he jumped on it as soon as we asked him to join. We were his favourite band at the time and he was more than happy to be a part of it.  
But he’d been a part of it since the beginning, since we met him. Even before he joined, he had been there and so it was always obvious that he needed a bigger part in the band.  
He had been there for me during my darkest time. He had picked me up off the ground and helped me in every way he possibly could.  
Last year, before I got sober, he had been there for me through it all. Through my bad days and my dark thoughts and my lowest of lows. He was there, always.  
There were always rumours about Frankie. I suppose our stage presence didn’t make any of that any easier.  
But when we started the tour, there was no actual truth to those rumours - as far as the band was concerned.  
I hadn’t ever even paid any attention to the rumours, I thought it was because of me and the way the two of us acted together on stage.  
The stuff they said about him never really bothered him, it was the stuff they said about me.  
The first sound check in Ohio was fuelled by anger. Mikey and Frank had gone to a radio station, the rest of us stayed behind for a magazine interview.  
And Frank was furious when he got back.  
“Frankie,” I pulled him aside as soon as the sound check was over.  
“Not now,” He shrugged my hand off of him. He was slightly red in the face and his sweat had caused the makeup he wore to smudge. He looked kind of adorable.  
“Frank,” I frowned and gripped his shoulder, “Hey, come on, tell me what’s wrong.”  
He shook his head.  
“Did something happen at the radio station?” I pressed.  
“No,” He sighed and finally turned to me, “I’m just sick of it all.”  
I panicked almost instantly. Did he want to leave? Was he going to quit the band? He couldn’t quit the band. We’d fall apart without him. I would fall apart without him.  
“Sick of what?” I whispered.  
“Pretending to be something I’m not! Having to hide!” His voice broke.  
And so did my heart. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him in as close to me as I possibly could. I could feel his body shake.  
“Oh Frank, you don’t have to hide. You never have to pretend to be someone else. You’re you, and I love you for it.”  
He pulled back slightly, looking up at me with wide, shiny eyes. “Gerard?” He whispered and leaned in.  
“Frank!” He leapt away from me as Brian rounded the corner. “Frank, you son of a bitch, what have I told you about being snide during interviews?”  
He rolled his eyes, seeming to have composed himself already, “The dude couldn’t even get Gerard’s name right. I wasn’t snide. I just didn’t wanna have to listen to his shit.”  
“Yeah, well you’ll fuck things up for everyone if you keep going around acting like a little dickhead!” He got right into Frank’s face as he shouted.  
“Hang on, Brian,” I stepped between them, “Look, if Frank was rude then it was obviously for a fucking reason. Frank is usually good in interviews. So maybe cut him some slack this one time and just fuck off.”  
Brian shot Frank a glare but nodded all the same, “Fine. This one time, Frank, I’m gonna let it slide. Don’t play this shit again,” He softened slightly then, “Signing tent in fifteen, I gotta introduce you to the other guys.” He turned and walked off.  
“So nothing happened in the radio station, huh?” I raised an eyebrow at Frank.  
He rolled his eyes - clearly he was spending too much time around Mikey, “It doesn’t matter, it just fucking pissed me off. It’s done with now though. I wanna just forget about it. I need to go get my shit to change into. I’ll see you in a few.”  
I sighed as he walked away. What could be done? If he wouldn’t open up to me, I couldn’t exactly force him. I went off in search of Mikey, hoping he could shed some light on what had happened today but there was no sign of him anywhere, and instead I ended up sitting in the near empty tent with Ray.  
“Man, you’ve gotten good at that shit,” He laughed as I touched up my makeup in the compact mirror.  
I couldn’t help but smile. I suppose that was Ray’s job in the band, he was our Ray of sunshine.  
“Thanks, man,” I grinned, “You sure you don’t want some?”  
He was backcombing his hair and almost dropped the comb at my offer, “No, no thanks.”  
I laughed. I allowed him to fix my hair, knowing that he was far better at it than I was. He was the best at hair out of the five of us, he brought the hair rock element. I even managed to convince Bob to let me give him some eyeshadow and wrap a headband across his forehead after Ray fixed his hair. All of this I showed to Ray quite triumphantly.  
“Where the hell is everyone?” Ray asked, glancing at the clock.  
I shrugged as I wiggled into my stage clothes, “No clue. Brian told Frank and I to be here to meet the other guys.”  
It turned out that everyone except the three of us were late by almost ten minutes. Frank arrived not long after Ray and I began to question where everyone was. He had retrieved his stage clothes, bundled into a bag clutched tightly in his hand, and removed his smudged makeup. He muttered an apology for being late then laughed as he realised everyone was late. He moved to sit beside me and I reached for his hand, squeezing it gently in what I hoped was a reassuring way. He returned the gesture but didn’t say much.  
Slowly more people began to trickle in - a couple of guys I didn’t recognise, Brian with another guy I didn’t recognise, then another guy who apologised for being late and finally, Mikey and a guy around Frank’s height. I sat upright at this. Who the hell was this guy?  
Okay I recognised the band, they were pretty big in our scene, but we didn’t know them.  
This seemed to be everyone we were waiting on, because as soon as my brother came in, Brian shot up and began talking. What the hell?  
I didn’t listen to most of what he said. He bounced back and forth with the other band’s manager - Doug, I think - but none of it was all that interesting. I was far more interested in rubbing circles into the palm of Frank’s hand - our joint hands hidden underneath the table.  
“Okay, everyone probably knows all the guys already,” Brian said, pointing between the two bands. That was a complete lie. I had no clue who the other guys were. They were a lot more pop than we were. I glanced around the room. Mikey seemed to know the smaller dude, but I had no clue how.  
“I think we should go around and get to know each other,” Brian sounded an awful lot like a kindergarten teacher.  
“Or we could be quick about this because we have a show soon, Bri,” Bob said with a roll of his eyes.  
Brian scoffed, “Alright fine. I’ll go for my guys first. We have Gerard, our frontman and lead singer. Then we have his kid brother Mikey, our bassist. Ray is our lead guitar and some backing vocals. Frank, rhythm guitar and backing vocals. And we got Bob on drums.” He smiled happily.  
Doug looked quite tired as he stood and gestured to the other guys, “We got Andy on drums, Joe is lead guitarist, Patrick is our lead singer and rhythm guitarist, and then we got our frontman and bassist Pete.”  
Pete. That’s who Mikey was with. The other bands bassist. I guess it made sense why they were together then.  
He noticed me looking then and shot me a smile. He had a nice smile. Dark eyes and dark hair, with bushy eyebrows and perfect teeth and eyeliner to give me a run for my money. I offered him a slight smile in return.  
Frank noticed me looking at the bassist and leaned forward to scowl at him. Pete blushed and sat back, looking away.  
Brian was still talking shit. I rolled my eyes and reached for Frank’s hand again, because he was far more interesting than anything else going on in this little room, but he had scooched away from me slightly and was now sitting with his arms folded across his chest.  
“Frankie?” I whispered with a frown, but he pretended not to hear me. I couldn’t help but feel hurt. What had happened today to cause him to shut me out? Had I done something wrong?  
I glanced around the room again, this time more anxiously. I hated when Frank was mad at me, and listening to Brian shit on about who knows what was the last thing I needed right now. I needed to ask Mikey what happened. I needed to hold Frank’s hand.  
I completely blanked the rest of the lecture from Brian. I knew I was being tough on him, he was a good guy and fucking great at his job, but I just couldn’t focus on his pep talking, or list of rules for the tour, or grocery list… whatever the fuck he was talking about, I just couldn’t deal with it right now.  
Not with all these new people. Not with Frank being upset. Not with Frank being mad at me.  
As I was trying to stop myself from spiraling, I was almost too distracted to notice Brian had finally stopped talking.  
Almost.  
Thank God.  
The strange other band were all standing suddenly, and then I could feel myself being lifted to my feet - Bob’s hand around my arm pulling me up as he put on a smile and went to shake hands with their lead singer, who was terribly cheerful.  
I couldn’t remember his name.  
Hell, I didn’t even know the band’s name.  
“Hey man,” I said anyway, “Great to finally meet you.”  
“You guys too!” He grinned. Far too cheerful. “We’ve been really looking forward to the tour.”  
I nodded, hoping Bob would carry the conversation while I strained my neck to look for Frank.  
I missed what Bob said but it led to the other guy addressing me again, “I dig the makeup, man. The band’s whole look is fucking awesome. It’s like… I don’t know, like punk meets rock meets hair rock meets glam metal meets… I don’t know, classic rock?” He laughed to himself, “It’s fucking awesome.”  
“Thanks man. You too.” I felt bad. I knew I was being rude and this guy seemed nice, but right now my focus was on Frank and I couldn’t be -  
What the hell is up with Mikey?  
I strained my neck again, this time to look at my younger brother. He was standing to the side, with that guy from the other band that he had come in with. Their heads were bent together and the two of them seemed to take little notice of what else was going on in the tent.  
I looked around again, but still no sign of Frank.  
Where had that fucker disappeared to?  
I couldn’t help but stare over at Mikey, huddled with that other boy and looking like a lovesick school girl.  
After what felt like an agonisingly long ten minutes, the other band - which I learned was called Fall Out Boy - finally left to go get ready for going on stage and to grab some shit for signing - which we were all doing together before we went on, hence Brian’s need for us all to meet.  
Mikey lingered at the closed entrance of the tent with the other bassist, the two of them sharing a laugh, before he finally left and Mikey sat down in front of the table, beside me.  
Ray was fiddling with the radio, trying to turn it up and a moment later he completely abandoned it, as the sounds of the other bands playing drowned it out entirely.  
And Frank finally reappeared.  
“Frankie!” I tried to grab his hand but he yanked it away from me.  
“How long do we have until we’re on?” He asked Ray, not even looking at me. I gaped at him. He was ignoring me. He gathered up his bag from the little table, “Long enough for this?”  
Ray rolled his eyes, “You have plenty of time.”  
“Frank,” I started again but he slipped back out of the tent, completely ignoring me. I stared after him. Was it something I’d done? Or was he just in a foul mood? What the fuck?  
“You know,” Mikey said with a slight smile, “You’ve still got about ten minutes” He had my makeup scattered in front of him and he was carefully applying some eyeliner as he spoke.  
I raised an eyebrow and shot my brother an appreciative smile. I slipped past Ray and raced over to the bus, barrelling into the back lounge - where we had set up a makeshift dressing room. I shut the door behind me and pressed my back against it.  
Frank stared at me from the where he was standing by the booth, mouth slightly agape. He was in the middle of getting changed, his shirt folding neatly on the table in front of him. The one he was changing into was gripped in his hand as he stared at me with wide eyes.  
“Frank,” I repeated, “Frankie, are you okay?”  
“I’m trying to get changed, Gee,” He held up the garment in his hand as proof of this, then hurried to put it on.  
I rolled my eyes. It wasn’t anything I hadn’t seen before. Frank’s tattoos fascinated me. I was terrified of needles, a deathly phobia, so I couldn’t ever see myself with any tattoos. But Frank was absolutely covered in them. And I had seen all of them. So Frank without a shirt was no big deal at all.  
I remained at the door as he buttoned up his shirt, then wordlessly made my way over to help him with his tie. He didn’t speak as I fastened it, just toying with the lapel of my jacket.  
“S’too warm for this,” He muttered, tugging on it.  
“So,” I stepped back when I was done and his hands fell, “Do you plan on telling me what’s up with you today?”  
“Why were you staring at that Pete guy?” He asked eventually.  
“What?” I frowned. What? Who the fuck was Pete?  
“You weren’t?” Frank brightened almost instantly.  
“What?” I repeated.  
He shook his head, the ghost of a smile playing on his smiles, “It doesn’t matter.”  
“No, it does. What’s wrong, Frankie? And what does… Pete have to do with it?” Who the fuck was Pete? Was he the guy Bob and I were talking to?  
Frank blushed, “Nothing’s wrong. I just… I had a tough day. And then I thought… I don’t know what I thought, it doesn’t even add up. I mean, you’re not… Wishful thinking maybe,” He laughed bitterly, “But I know, you know, so I don’t know why I’d think… Pete.”  
I felt like he was purposely trying to confuse me. “Who the hell is Pete?” I asked eventually because I really couldn’t figure this out.  
“Pete? The bassist? The guy with the hair and the eyeliner? You were… staring at him,” He mumbled, trailing off.  
The bassist? “The guy with Mikey!” I yelled happily once it clicked. “What are you talking about? I wasn’t staring at him. Well, maybe I looked a couple times-” Frank scoffed and I shot him a glare before continuing “-but that was because of Mikey. I mean, did you see them? They don’t even know each other but suddenly they’re all over each other. I wonder what happened…” I got distracted by my own thoughts then, wondering if my brother knew the guy before or if they just clicked. I wondered if he’d tell me if I asked. I wouldn’t mind.  
Shit, Frank.  
“But what has that got to do with this?” I continued.  
He rolled his eyes, shaking his head and muttering to himself.  
“Frank,” I tried to imitate that tone that Mikey used, the one that always made me spill my guts.  
“It doesn’t matter,” He leaned over the counter and started pulling out makeup.  
“Did you think I…” I didn’t even know if I should say it. Surely he didn’t think…? But it made sense. And if he was jealous then maybe… No, that’s not it. I sighed and pressed on, “Did you think I was, you know, checking him out?”  
Frank flushed deeply and dropped the liquid eyeliner pen in his hand. It fell to the table, splashing little black dots onto the mirror that was propped up on it. He choked, “What? I… No… I - What? I mean, you can if you want, I don’t care.” He tried to pick up the fallen eyeliner, glancing at me quickly in the mirror, “Were you?” He asked quietly.  
He knew, he knew, he knew, he knew. He knew and that’s why he was being so weird with me. He knew about me and now he wasn’t gonna want to be anywhere near me.  
I walked over to stand next to him and shrugged, trying to look a lot more at ease than I felt.  
He shot me a glare and threw his hands up, exasperated, “Well it sure looked like it, Gee!”  
“And that bothers you?” I raised an eyebrow, crossing my arms, “What the fuck is the problem with it, Frank?”  
“What?!” He spluttered, dropping the eyeliner again, “Fuck!” It fell to the floor, right onto the carpet.  
We both stared at it for a long moment, neither of us moving. It was almost laughable, we seemed to be having a moment of silence in mourning for the fallen makeup.  
“I think you’re gonna need some new eyeliner,” I whispered after the silence between us began to feel uncomfortable.  
“It doesn’t bother me, Gerard,” He muttered, “It doesn’t bother me that you’d look at a guy. It bothers me that you’re not looking at me.” He bent to pick up the eyeliner, trying to brush off the dirt caught in it then sighing and shoving it in the bin. I watched as Frank pressed his hands onto the table and closed his eyes, “I need to finish getting ready.”  
It took a good few seconds for it to really click what he had said.  
It bothers me that you’re not looking at me.  
It clicked then, suddenly all slotting into place.  
“Frankie,” I reached for him, “Frank.” I stepped as close as I could to him, trying to turn him to look at me.  
He shook his head.  
“Frank,” I said again, more determined this time and he looked up at me from below his eyelashes. His hazel eyes were full of fear.  
We’d known each other for four years, four fucking years.  
I had never known.  
He had never known.  
How different things could have been if we’d only had this conversation sooner…  
I had loved him from the moment I met him. First, it had been because he was so passionate about the music. He was passionate about ours before he even joined the band, I had fallen in love with his love for it. Then, his energy. Frank could bring the whole mood of a room right up. He was full of life.  
And so beautiful. It was a strange kind of beauty. I hated myself when I first realised how beautiful he was. He was a guy. I shouldn’t be calling him beautiful.  
But he was. He was so beautiful.  
He had dark hair, overgrown on top with long bits that fell into his face and kept shorter at the sides. He had told me before that he wanted to grow it out, but he wasn’t sure if it would suit him. I thought it would, because he looked beautiful no matter what. And when he did have his hair a little longer a couple of years ago, he looked great.  
He had big bright eyes. They were a fascinating hazel colour, which I had spent so much time trying to perfect colouring over the years when I drew him.  
And then his piercings… He had a nose ring and a lip ring ring, and I had never thought they looked good until I saw them on Frank. He was such a little punk, but he looked good doing it.  
There was so much I needed to say. I just couldn’t find the words without sounding like I’d stepped out of one of those cheesy movies Ray loved.  
So I didn’t use words. Who fucking needed them? I’d waited four years. There just weren’t any words right now.  
And so I leaned down and pressed my lips against his.  
He gasped against my mouth and froze completely.  
Shit, I must have read it all completely wrong.  
I started to pull away, stammering out an apology but then his hands were on me, all over me, pulling me back down and urgently kissing me.  
It was my turn to gasp.  
He was kissing me.  
He was kissing me.  
I pressed him against the counter, wrapping my arms around his waist and holding him as tightly as I possibly could.  
Frank’s lips moved against mine, harsh and so urgent. He flicked his tongue against my lip and I melted into him. He tasted exactly how I imagined - cigarettes and candy. I almost laughed as I realised it was probably much the same for me, except with coffee.  
“Oh, Frankie,” I moaned as he tugged on my hair. I fucking moaned. I sounded like a bad porn star. Maybe my porn star name should be Gee Gay. I laughed at that and then Frank’s tongue was in my mouth. Oh fuck.  
Somehow, Frank had wiggled his way onto the table - without breaking the kiss - and wrapped his legs around my waist, pulling me right against him. He groaned as I deepened the kiss, our tongues tangling together.  
God, he was so perfect.  
Why had we wasted so many years?  
The kiss was sloppy and rushed. So much had been built up over the years and we both knew we didn’t have nearly enough time.  
As if on queue, there was a tap on the door. I jumped away from Frank, knowing that whoever was on the other side of that unlocked door could barge in at any moment.  
Frank slipped off the counter and scrambled to grab a brush from the counter pretending to be fixing his makeup. I smoothed down my jacket.  
“Gerard?” Mikey called, “Frank? You good?”  
“Yeah, man, just doing makeup,” Frank sounded so cool and casual. I reached over to smooth down his crinkled shirt. He laughed.  
Mikey opened the door, popping his head in, “You only have like five minutes or Brian will lose his shit. There’s lots of kids waiting.”  
“Yeah,” Frank nodded, “I’ll be quick.”  
“Gee?” My brother looked at me expectantly, and I glanced between him and Frank before sighing and following Mikey out of the lounge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I'm writing another Summer of Like fic...  
> I'm going to try update once a week! Hopefully...


	3. Mikey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a party with a few friends and Fall Out Boy was playing for some fucking reason and I decided to very loudly say that I love Pete Wentz and respect the fact that he fucked Mikey Way so I guess this chapter is in honour of that.

“Your brother is strange,” I told Mikey as soon as he opened the door. I had spent the previous day drinking coffee with Gerard while he filled me in on quite a lot of what had happened during the start of that summer. He was great. Kind and welcoming, and undeniably friendly.  
Mikey nodded, “Yeah. Coffee?”  
I laughed. The two brothers were so alike. It was quite endearing. I nodded but there was no need, Mikey was already heading into the kitchen.   
“So I’ve been thinking,” I started, following after him, “I wanna talk to Frank.”  
Mikey froze and looked at me with wide eyes, “Was that Gerard’s idea?”  
I shook my head, “No. I didn’t say it to him. I… I wanted to run it by you first and see what you think.”  
“Why do you want to talk to Frank?”  
“I want to hear his side of things. I’d like to know what he thinks. I want to get every side of the story. I’d like to talk to Ray too. I’d like to get a few different angles on everything.”  
“Every side? So does that mean…?”  
I nodded, “Yes, I’d like to talk to Pete too. But all in due course. I want to speak to Frankie first.”  
“Over the phone? I’m sure I could ring-”  
“No,” I cut him off, “I want to go to New Jersey.”  
“Really?”  
I almost laughed at how shocked he sounded. “I need to speak to him. I can just feel it.”  
For some reason that was enough for Mikey. He agreed. “Okay. Yeah, okay. I don’t mind taking a trip to Jersey.”  
“You don’t have to come.”  
He shrugged it off and turned his attention back to the coffee, “I’d rather explain to Frank myself. But maybe hold off telling Gee just yet.”

+++

I remember everything changed that day. That first day of the tour.  
Maybe it was the beginning of the end.  
The end of me, of us, of Gerard, of Frank, of them, of the band… the end of everything.  
That summer started it all. Right from the very first day.  
I was standing to the side, out of sight while Gerard and Frank spoke. I knew I shouldn’t have been, but Frank was clearly pissed off and I was itching to know what was going on.  
Gerard was speaking softly, in that voice he only used on Frank. “Hey, come on, tell me what’s wrong. Did something happen at the radio station?” He asked.  
Frank muttered, “I’m just sick of it all.”  
Gerard’s reply was too quiet, I couldn’t make it out.  
“Pretending to be something I’m not! Having to hide!” Frank sounded like he was about to cry.  
I wondered if I should go over, maybe he needed -  
“What are you doing?” Someone said from behind me and I jumped in surprise, almost whacking my head on the bus.  
I whirled around, “What the fuck, man?”  
There was a short dude - around Frank’s height - standing behind me with a big grin plastered across his face. I recognised him. He was the Fall Out Boy dude. “Are you eavesdropping?” He asked, raising an eyebrow and gesturing to Gerard and Frank as Brian stormed over to them.  
Shit, Brian.  
“Fuck,” I grabbed the dude’s arm and pulled him away. I was half expecting him to yank his arm away or plant his feet, but he followed me.   
“Isn’t that your manager?” He laughed when we were finally a safe distance. He was still grinning and it was almost contagious.  
The corners of my lips quirked up slightly, “Yeah but he’s gonna be mad at me.”  
“Ooh,” He laughed again - it was a nice laugh, “What’d you do?” He had black hair and tanned skin. He was attractive, that was very obvious. His dark eyes bore into mine, with a mischievous glint in them. I almost cringed at myself for that thought - clearly I had been spending too much time with Gerard, that was something he’d say. The guy in front of me had quite a number of tattoos too, I could see them on his bare arms and poking out from under his t-shirt.  
“I didn’t do anything,” I scoffed, rolling my eyes, “But Frank wasn’t well behaved earlier and I know Brian will blame me for it.”  
The guy rolled his eyes too, but didn’t stop grinning. Did his cheeks not hurt by now? He stuck out his hand, “I’m Pete Wentz, I’m the bassist of Fall Out Boy. And you’re Mikey Way, the bassist of My Chemical Romance, right?”  
I cautiously shook his hand and nodded, “Yeah. I’m Mikey,” I said even though he clearly already knew.   
“So why were you snooping on your bandmates, Mikeyway?”   
Mikeyway. I couldn’t help but smile at that. It was my unofficial nickname and it seemed he was using it already.  
“I wasn’t snooping.”  
“Sorry, eavesdropping,” He corrected, smirking.  
I shook my head, “No, not at all. I was just making sure Frank was okay.”  
He nodded. “Frank… the short one? And then Gerard is your brother, right? And Ray is the dude with the sick hair?”   
I laughed, despite myself, “Yeah pretty much.”  
“And you’re the hot, silent type, right?”   
I spluttered, actually fucking spluttered. And then, because apparently I wasn’t embarrassing myself enough already, I fucking choked on my own spit.  
Pete howled with laughter and I could feel my cheeks going bright red. Suddenly, Gerard’s white makeup didn’t seem like such a bad idea.   
He was teasing, of course he was. But I hadn’t been expecting that.  
“I suppose that’s a better reaction than getting punched in the face,” He was still chuckling but his cheeks were a little flushed and he was looking quite sheepish.  
I composed myself eventually and looked at the shorter guy with wide eyes, “Are you being serious?”  
He shrugged, “Are you the hot, silent type? Of course I’m serious, Mikeyway. And I’m also right. Us bassists are always the hot ones,” His smirk had returned. “So, what should we do while hiding from your manager?”  
“I’m not hiding. And you can do whatever it was you were doing.”  
“Well I was looking for the cute bassist, and now I’ve found you,” He looked awfully proud of himself. And I was completely hopeless because I wasn’t entirely sure if he was flirting or not, and if he was then I had no clue how to reciprocate.   
“I, um, oh, I…” I didn’t know what to say. I was at a complete loss. It was difficult enough when attractive girls flirted with me, nevermind attractive guys.  
He nudged me with his elbow, “No sweat, Mikeyway. Don’t freak. If you’re trying to hide from the man, I think my bus is the last place he’ll check. Come on.”  
And then he took my fucking hand and dragged me along behind him.  
Thankfully we didn’t pass anyway else as he maneuvered us over to where his bus was parked. I followed him into the black bus with Fall Out Boy plastered along the side of it. My hand remained tight in his grip.  
Their bus was similar to ours, only slightly bigger.   
There was a dude who instantly reminded me of Ray sitting on the couch when we entered the bus. He was strumming on a guitar and chewing a long piece of candy. He looked up at us and raised an eyebrow, “Pete, did you kidnap the MCR bassist?”  
Pete grinned some more, “This is Mikey Way. He’s here willingly, don’t worry. Mikeyway, this is Joe Trohman.”  
He did a mock salute in my direction, “Nice to meet you, man. You want one?” He offered me the packet of candy.  
I shook my head.  
“He’s hiding from his tour manager,” Pete informed him and took some candy.   
Joe didn’t question it, just continued to chew his candy and play his guitar, “Back’s free.”  
“Where are the others?”   
Joe shrugged, “Gone to look around, maybe?”  
Pete shrugged too and tightened his grip on my hand before pulling me towards the back of the bus. I stretched my neck and called, “It was good to meet you, Joe!” And then Pete pulled me completely out of sight.  
I didn’t get a chance to look at the bunks because Pete was dragging me into the back lounge.  
“Ta-da!” He smiled triumphantly and let go of my hand to gesture around the room.  
“This is great, Pete,” I smiled too, because dammit his smile was just so contagious.  
He sat down on one of the couches and motioned for me to do the same. I sat across from him and he rolled his eyes.   
“Do you really think-” I started, but cut myself off. I couldn’t ask that. I cursed myself.  
“Do I think what?” He raised an eyebrow, that glint in his eye again.  
“Do you like our music?” I cringed at myself yet again.  
He nodded eagerly, “Fuck yeah man, you guys are great! I saw you guys with The Used and holy shit dude.”  
We toured with The Used last year. Gerard enjoyed it, and hung out with the lead singer Bert quite a bit. He got along with him. Frank and I not so much. I think Frank was probably jealous. But I just thought Bert was an asshole.   
“Well I’m excited to see you play,” I smiled.  
He seemed lost in thought for the longest of moments, then he locked eyes with me and remained like that for an even longer moment. I wanted to look away, I could feel my cheeks heating under his gaze but I just couldn’t look away. I couldn’t break the spell. He gave me a soft smile, completely different to his mischievous grin from before, “You’re my favourite, Mikeyway. You’re seriously fucking talented.”  
My face felt as if it was going to melt, it had gotten so hot. In an attempt to be casual, I rolled my eyes, “I’m not really.”  
He mirrored me, rolling his eyes too, “You are, dude. You’re mega fucking talented.”  
“Stop,” I groaned and quickly jumped to change the subject, “Do you like Star Wars?”  
He lit up instantly, “Dude, I love Star Wars!”  
“Really?” I grinned, “Me too.”  
“Which is your favourite? Who’s your favourite character?”   
“Pete!” Someone called, knocking on the lounge door, “Signing tent in five!”  
“I presume that means me too,” I sighed. I knew we were meant to be there at some point. We were the last band to play so we had gotten a later meet and greet with another band - which I now presumed would be Fall Out Boy.  
“You think so?” Pete bounced up, stretched and then plopped down onto the seat beside me with that grin of his again, “Okay then, Mikeyway, let’s just skip class.” He took my hand again.  
I scoffed, “What’s the plan? To just hide out here for the rest of the day?”  
“Is that such a bad plan?”  
I thought about this. It really wasn’t. I would happily stay in this little room all day with Pete, talking about Star Wars and music and just looking at his toothy grin, but I knew we couldn’t.  
“We’ll be fucking killed, man,” I sighed, “And it wouldn’t be fair on the kids. I wish we could but-”  
“Both our bands would kill us?” He laughed, “Yeah I guess so. I’m excited to see Ray’s hair.”  
I chortled - fucking chortled, what was this guy doing to me?   
“Is it great?” He laughed along with me.  
I nodded in agreement, “Pretty great.”  
“Dude!” He jumped up and bounced around, “You gotta sign the record for me!” And then he ran out the door. He returned a moment later with our second album and handed the record over to me along with a pen.   
I raised an eyebrow, “You’re serious?”  
“Deadly serious, dude,” He nodded, and I rolled my eyes. He said ‘dude’ too much.  
“Okay, little dude,” I teased and scribbled my name across the bottom of the record. “Happy?” I handed it back to him and threw him another eye roll.  
He grinned once again, “Ecstatic, sweet dude.” He headed back off to put it away.  
I was gonna strain my eyes from rolling them so much.  
I made a mental note to pick up one of their records next time I went into a record store.  
I may as well return the favour, right?  
“Should we go back?” I asked when Pete returned.  
He groaned, “I suppose so.”  
The bus was empty as we trudged through it. Clearly, everyone else had already gone to the meeting of sorts.  
Pete complained most of the way there, and I decided I liked him because of it. I expressed this to him and he scoffed.  
“You didn’t like me for my good looks and charm, but you like me for complaining?” He feigned offense.  
I smiled - curse him for making me smile so goddamn much, “Yeah. Well no, I did like you before too, for your good looks and charm,” I teased, “But I like that you’re comfortable enough with me to complain.”  
He smiled too, that warm smile of his, “Mikeyway, that is actually incredibly sweet of you.”  
I shrugged, feeling myself blush yet again, “I don’t like small talk, or the fake pleasantries you have to go through when you meet a new person.”  
He rolled his eyes, “I’m just gonna ignore that and focus on the cute thing.”  
As we made our way to the tent, we came to the conclusion that everyone else was already there, which led Pete to suggest that we just skip it seeing as we were late already.  
“It isn’t high school, Pete,” I rolled my eyes and halted behind the tent, “You go first.”  
“Why do I have to go first?” He widened his eyes.  
“It’s your fault we’re late.”  
“Only mostly! It’s kinda your fault too,” He shook his head.  
“How?” I kept my voice low in fear of the others hearing us.  
He shrugged, “I suppose I’ll be the bigger person then. I’ll go first, Mikeyway.”  
And somehow he was making me laugh yet again. He flung the flap open and I tried my very best to wipe the shit eating grin off my face. Pete made no such attempt.  
As we stepped in, Gerard sat up with a frown and stared over at Pete and I. Brian started talking and I quickly moved to sit down, between Pete and Ray. I leaned back and listened to our manager.  
“…both here last year, but not together and now we’re all gonna be sharing a stage. Not just us, but other bands too, and bands become families on tours like this,” He was saying, and I almost gagged. Come on, Bri, really? Talk about cringe worthy. I couldn’t listen to it anymore. I just couldn’t do it today.  
So instead I looked at Pete, who was bouncing his leg and seemed unable to stop fidgeting.   
Fuck, he was good looking. Not in a conventional way, but he was definitely undeniably gorgeous in his own way.   
He had straightened, black hair that fell into his face and dark golden brown eyes outlined in smudged black eyeliner. His smile was so wide, it was contagious, and his teeth were blindingly white. His lips were full and… and I really shouldn’t be staring at his lips. So instead I looked at his arms, at his tattoos. I liked tattoos, I always had. But I’d never thought they were hot until now. But holy fuck, he made them look so good.  
He caught me looking and flashed me his grin. I flushed, feeling quite embarrassed and looked away. Gee was staring over at Pete and I, and Frank was glaring. Well shit. They both looked away and I glanced back at Pete who was now staring at his hands. He had nice hands. I could imagine the things those hands could do.  
Oh God, why have I turned into a teenage girl?  
I tried to listen to Brian in hopes of drowning out the thoughts of Pete’s hands on my body.  
“… and look we don’t care if you guys want to have a good time, but this tour comes first. This is gonna be a great thing for all of us. The fans are going wild already. I mean, I heard a few kids earlier saying they only came for you guys!” Brian’s delight seeped into his voice, “And it only goes up from here! There’s gonna be a lot of outdoor shows on the…”  
Nope. Today just simply was not the day for it. I’d heard this rant before, a few times actually. I heard it when the tour was first in talks, when we were confirmed for the tour, when we got the dates, when we got the main stage, when the tour was announced, when fans started hyping it…   
I stared at my fingers.  
It seemed to all just be the same.  
Brian had been unbelievably excited for the tour from the moment we decided on it. We all knew it would be big. A lot of our fans were also Fall Out Boy fans, and vice versa. It was exactly what they seemed to have wanted.  
Pete began to poke my leg and I tried not to laugh. He poked and prodded and traced his fingers along the side of my thigh. I wanted to catch his hand, wanted to twine our fingers together and hold onto him as if nothing else mattered. But that was crazy. We’d known each other less than an hour and we were in a room full of people - sort of. Hell, what he was doing alone seemed risky enough as it was. I think holding his hand would just be asking for trouble. Not from my guys. Not from Gee or Frank or Ray, they wouldn’t care. I wasn’t too sure about Bob to be honest. And I didn’t know the other guys well enough to know how they’d feel about it.   
Pete, however, did not seem to care. But when I glanced at him, it seemed that he was simply doing the action absentmindedly. Huh.  
“Okay, I think that’s about it,” Brian said, doing that clap that he was so fond of, “Doug, have you got anything to add?”  
The other manager - Doug - just looked bored. Or maybe he was high. He shrugged, then shook his head. “I’m good. I think you got it all covered, brother.” Definitely high, I decided.  
I glanced around the room. Frank was the first to move, jumping up and practically racing out of the tent. I idly wondered if he was still annoyed over the radio thing.   
Joe was up next, and then the dude with the hat and the dude with the tattoos. Hat dude went straight over to Gee, who was being pulled to his feet by Bob. He didn’t look happy, in fact he looked a little upset.   
As I was looking over at my brother, Pete grabbed my hand, which also instantly grabbed my attention.  
“Come on,” He said quietly, and I obliged happily. I let him pull me to the corner of the tent where we stood close to each other. It was less stuffy here, I could feel the breeze coming from the gaps in the tent and it was exactly what I needed. I almost regretted wearing so many layers.   
He didn’t let my hand go, and I didn’t think I wanted him to, so I simply angled us where our hands were hidden from view. He didn’t question it. He simply flashed me a smile that made my stomach flutter and whispered, “I want to keep you to myself, at least for a little while,” And then shifted closer to me.   
I felt completely breathless. For a quick moment, I thought he was going to kiss me, but then I realised that was crazy. He wouldn’t do something like that in front of so many people.  
But maybe I wanted him to.  
“What are you doing later?” He asked, sounding just as breathless as I was.  
“Probably playing video games with Ray,” I laughed.  
“Okay,” He nodded, “Can I drop by later? Or you can come to me?”  
“I’m pretty sure we’re leaving like straight after our set.”  
“Well then I’ll find you before your set.”  
“You’ll stick around for it, right?” The thought of him watching me play had me feeling like my skin was on fire, gave me butterflies fluttering through my stomach.  
“Well yeah,” He scoffed and shuffled closer again, pressing his forehead to mine and shutting his eyes. I did the same, forgetting that other people could see us. “I need to go, but I’m gonna kiss you later,” He told me matter-of-factly and I gasped. Pete pulled back slightly and we both looked at each other quite intensely for a long moment. He added, “Only if you want me to, of course.”  
And I laughed, yet a-fucking-gain, “You gotta figure that one out yourself, genius.”  
He laughed too, because of course he’d already figured it out. We hardly knew each other, and yet I felt like we were so close already. He had me figured out, it would seem.  
“I’ll find you later,” He promised before slipping away. I stared after him for a long moment, and then made sure to wipe the smile off my face before walking over to sit next to my brother. He still didn’t look too happy.  
When Frank reappeared I realised why. He was ignoring him.  
“How long do we have until we’re on?” Frank asked Ray, completely ignoring my brother’s attempts to talk to him, “Long enough for this?” He picked up his bag from where it had been beside Gerard, still not even looking at him.  
I busied myself going through Gerard’s makeup bag to find some eyeliner and the little compact mirror he used.  
“You have plenty of time,” Ray told Frank with a laugh.  
That wasn’t exactly true. There were kids lining up outside the tent already. We could hear them cheering and yelling and singing.   
“Frank,” Gerard sounded desperate as Frank turned his back on him and walked away.  
How strange. Frank was in love with Gee, desperately actually. He had confided in me about it last year when Gerard was fucked up and Frank was terrified he was going to kill himself. He’d been crying after a particularly bad night with Gee and hell, I understood just how fucked up he felt over it all.  
I had found him sitting on the curb beside the bus, with his head between his knees and an unlit cigarette in his shaky hand.   
“Hey,” I shook his shoulder, “Hey, Frank, it’s okay. He’s okay, man. He’s passed out, he’ll sleep it off. It will be okay,” I asserted firmly. I wasn’t so sure who I was trying to convince, him or me.  
“But it’s not okay,” Frank dropped the cigarette and flung his arms around me. He began to sob into my shoulder, “It’s not okay Mikey. He’s gonna… Oh God, what if he… I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to him. I love him so fucking much, it’s killing me to see him like this.”  
“I know,” I held him tightly because, fuck, I was terrified too, “I know, I get it. I’m so fucking scared, Frankie. I get it.”  
“I love him,” He sobbed, “I love him so much. I’ve never loved anyone like I love Gee… I… I’m so fucking in love with him, Mikey, and I just… I can’t live without him. If anything happened to him, I really just don’t know how I could go on. I love him so much.”  
And so I had held him while he cried, because finally I understood. I understood why he was so supportive of Gerard, why he hated Bert, why it was hurting him so much seeing how much pain my brother was in.  
So why was he ignoring him now?  
I sighed and looked over at my moping brother, “You know, you’ve still got about ten minutes.” I slipped off my glasses and started to apply the makeup as Gerard rushed out of the tent.   
“What’s all that about?” Bob asked and I shrugged, pretending to be oblivious.  
Ray took a guess, “Frank’s had a hard day. Just leave them be.”  
I gave him a warm look. We really didn’t deserve Ray Toro.  
Joe and Patrick came back. I almost asked where Pete was, but then quickly decided not to.  
Joe greeted me like we were old friends, which made me like him even more.   
I finished up with my eyeliner and patted down my hair, wishing I had more time to fix it. Then I gathered Gee’s makeup up and shoved it all into the bag, which I placed behind the chair.  
“Five minutes, guys!” Brian came into the tent, frowning, “Where is Gerard? Where’s Frank?”  
I sighed and stood, “I know where they are, I’ll go get them.”  
“Five minutes, Mikey! Tell them to get their asses into this tent!” He called after me and I rolled my eyes.   
I didn’t rush to the bus. I knew we wouldn’t be late. Brian was just fretting because it was the first day. He’d chill out. Luckily for everyone, Brian wasn’t gonna be on tour full time.   
The front of the bus was empty, and so I headed towards the back. The lounge door was closed and I knocked on it. I could hear shuffling behind it.  
I frowned, “Gerard? Frank? You good?”  
“Yeah, man, just doing makeup,” Frank laughed. He sounded a lot better than he had earlier.  
That was good enough for me. I opened the door a little and stepped halfway in, “You only have like five minutes or Brian will lose his shit. There’s lots of kids waiting.”  
Gerard was flushed and there was some of the white makeup my brother wore around Frank’s mouth. Both of them were trying not to smile.  
So that's why Frank seemed better then. Huh.  
“Yeah, I’ll be quick,” Frank was applying red eyeshadow.  
And Gerard was just staring at him with wide heart eyes. It was disgustingly cute.  
I raised an eyebrow, “Gee?”   
He startled and looked at me then back to Frank then to me again. I left the lounge with my brother close behind me. We waited at the front of the bus for Frank. I thought about mentioning the makeup on Frank’s face but then I chose not to. I didn’t want to embarrass my brother or my friend.  
“Ready!” Frank bounced out of the lounge with a grin plastered across his face. Maybe I’d talk to him about it later…   
“Come on then, before Brian has all our heads.”  
We got back to the tent right on time. I sat between Gee and Bob, with Frank on my brother’s other side. Pete was at the far end of the table but he still shot me a wide smile as I was sitting down.  
Gerard was on top of the world as he talked to fans and signed their stuff. He kept casting little glances over at Frank, who would smile as if they were sharing a great secret.  
All these years and it had never occurred to me that maybe Gerard was just as in love with Frank. But now it all seemed to slot into place.  
At first I smiled because they were cute and I loved them both dearly so of course they deserved to be happy. But then I couldn’t help but feel annoyed. Why hadn’t Gerard told me? I’d always kind of guessed that he swung both ways - so did I - but he had never told me that he had feelings for Frankie. Why?  
After we had finished Fall Out Boy left to go to the stage. Pete made a point of walking behind my chair and poking my shoulder. Gerard gaped at him. Frank glared.  
Huh, I wonder what that’s about…   
He leaned down towards me, “You better be coming to watch me play, Mikeyway.” I didn’t get a chance to respond because he simply kept walking, with that smirk of his plastered across his face. I shook my head but couldn’t help but smile.  
Gerard was looking at me expectantly.  
I raised an eyebrow, “Yeah, Gee?”  
“Anything you wanna tell me?”  
I looked between him and Frank, “I don’t know, you tell me.” I hopped up and headed off in the direction of the stage.  
I wasn’t the only person standing on the side of the stage, I knew I wouldn’t be. People were always crowded around the stages. I grinned as I watched Pete bounce around on the stage. He was like a hyper child. He zoomed around, twirling in circles and then screaming into the microphone. He kept throwing glances my way and giving me that big grin of his as he did so. Fuck, he was cute.  
Fuck, I was fucked.  
Ray joined me about halfway through their set and he gave me that look of his.  
I groaned, “What?”  
“Since when are you friends with Pete Wentz?”  
I looked back out to where Pete was screaming into Patrick’s microphone. He smiled over at me as Patrick nudged him away. I flashed him the slightest of smiles before turning to Ray and shrugging, “Today, I guess.”  
“Today, huh?” Ray gave me that look again, “You just hit it off?”  
“Pretty much,” I shrugged again, hoping he’d just leave it.  
But of course he didn’t. “So when did you guys hit it off?”  
“Ray,” I sighed. I loved him, truly I did. And I know that we would all crash and burn without him, but sometimes he really just irked me.  
“Mikey, I don’t care,” Ray rolled his eyes, “Really. Fuck whoever you want to fuck, but just be careful.”  
“Fuck, Ray, I didn’t think you’d start stereotyping that quickly,” I scowled, “I’m not gonna get a disease or something Fuck.”  
He ran a hand through his hair, “I didn’t mean that! I meant, don’t get too wrapped up. You’ve known each other a couple hours and already you’re shooting heart eyes across the stage. If this is what you’re like after a couple hours, I dread to think of what will happen by the end of the summer.”  
“What does that mean?”  
“Just… I don’t want to see you hurt. I love you, man. And I want you to be happy. Just watch yourself, okay?”  
I nodded. I was kind of confused still but I chose to just go with it. Ray was coming from a good place, that was undeniably clear, but I just couldn’t quite figure out what he was warning me against.  
“I love you too, man. Thanks Ray, I appreciate it, really,” I scratched the back of my neck, “Just, um, don’t go telling anyone that I’m… that I, uh…”  
“That you dig Pete Wentz?” He chuckled, “Don’t worry, I won’t. Because you’re so different to most of the other people here. It’s not like half the audience wants to get in his pants, you’re just the only one who has a chance.”  
For some reason the strange comment was heartwarming. I gave Ray a soft smile, “That means a lot, Toro. Thanks.”  
He laughed and shook his head, slinging his arm over my shoulders, “Sure thing, Mikes.”  
We stood together for the rest of the set, humming along to the catchy songs. Neither of us knew the lyrics yet, although I did recognise some of the songs, but humming and swaying seemed sufficient enough for now.  
Ray headed off as Fall Out Boy were coming off the stage, laughing about leaving us to it.   
Pete bounced right over to me and pounced on me, giggling excitedly. He was sweating and breathing heavily but he slotted perfectly into my arms. He smelled really good. Yeah, I could smell the sweat off of him, but it wasn’t a BO smell. It was almost sweet.  
“Sweet little dude,” I laughed to myself but Pete heard and pulled away with a smile.  
“Sweet little dudes, I like it,” He grinned and hugged me again, “Did you enjoy the show, Mikeyway?” He let go and pulled me away, bouncing down the steps. It was a good thing that he was holding onto me because he very nearly lost his balance.   
“I did,” I was tempted to kiss him on the cheek. I didn’t, but I wanted to. “You’re incredible, Pete. Really. Fucking amazing.” I followed him as he weaved through the crowd. I wasn’t entirely sure where he was going but I didn’t question him.   
“You have like an hour before you guys gotta go on, right?” He asked as we slipped between the buses.  
I nodded, “And you better be there.”  
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” And then he was pulling me against him. And I was swooping down to press my mouth against his. The kiss was hot and heavy. Pete wasted no time, and neither did I. Within seconds I had him pressed against the side of whatever bus we were next to - hoping to God that no one was on it.   
I cupped his cheeks as I moved my lips against his, and Pete clawed at my back, his mouth hard against mine. There was no big lips parting moment, the kiss was sloppy from the start. And I wouldn’t have had it any other way.   
He was way better at this than I was, than anyone I’d ever kissed before had been. His fingers dug into my hips and he used just the right amount of tongue; licking the roof of my mouth and tangling it with mine and then moving his lips oh so perfectly against mine.   
Fuck, was I using too much tongue? Or maybe I wasn’t using enough? He was being handsy, running his hands all over me, slipping them under my shirt. Maybe I wasn’t-  
“Stop overthinking,” Pete muttered against my lips.  
I laughed, despite everything and nodded. Instead of kissing him again, I moved to below his ear, kissing a trail from there down to his neck and then back up to catch his lips once again. He giggled and reached up to pluck my glasses off. I reached for them but he tucked them away into his pocket before pulling me back down to him. I pressed my lips against his again. I caught his bottom lip, biting it slightly.  
That seemed to get the desired reaction, because he groaned and bucked his hips against me. And then his hands were tugging at the zipper of my jacket and he muttered, “Too fucking hot for this…” He busied himself pulling my jacket off and I turned my attention back to his neck, kissing him softly with just a little bit of teeth. This also got a good reaction, and I mirrored his groan this time because, fuck, he sounded better than I ever could have imagined.  
He pulled my jacket off my shoulders and I wiggled my arms as he yanked it off, then he let it drop into the dirt.  
“Pete-” I started but he cut me off almost instantly, kissing me once again, laughing against my lips. 

He was courteous enough to brush the dirt off my jacket when we picked it back up. He made me feel like I was a teenage kid in a movie, hiding behind the buses to have a heavy makeout session. He was kind of perfect.  
“Don’t forget these, Mikeyway,” He pulled my glasses out of his pocket and took great care positioning them on me before reaching up to kiss my nose.  
Scratch that, there was no kind of about it. He was perfect.  
I told him this and was rewarded with a swift peck to my lips.  
“I think you might be the perfect one, Mikeyway,” He whispered, pressing his forehead to mine, “But that won’t save you from being late. Come on.” He turned to head back to the stage and I grabbed his arm, pulling him back to me.  
I stole another kiss and he laughed. We walked side by side back to the stage, our hands brushing but we didn’t dare hold them. It was far too risky. Anyone could see.  
I lit a cigarette up because I didn’t know what else to do with Pete this close. I wanted to reach for him but I couldn’t.  
“Mikes!” Gerard grabbed onto me as soon as he saw me, pulling me towards him and away from Pete.  
“Mikeyway, where the hell have you been?” Frank asked, shooting Pete one of his looks.  
Making out with a dude against the side of some random bus didn’t seem like the appropriate answer here so I just shrugged, “Hanging out with Pete.”  
Pete scoffed at this, which earned him another look from Frank. I shook my head at Pete, trying to warn him not to go up against that look.   
“I told you so,” Ray sighed, “Why would I lie about Mikey being with Pete Wentz?”  
I shot him a look and he simply shook his head. He hadn’t told them why I’d been with Pete.  
Pete got distracted by Ray pretty quickly, complimenting his hair and marvelling over it. I tried not to smile.  
“Mikey.”   
I turned my attention back to my brother. “What’s up, Gee?”  
He looked from Frank - who was glaring over at Pete - to Pete - who was totally freaking out over Ray - and then back to me with a sigh, “Can we talk later? Please? It’s important.”  
“Once we get on that bus later, I’m all ears,” I promised as Pete floated back over to my side.  
“Good luck, Mikeyway,” He grinned, “Not that you need it, you’re pretty awesome.”  
“Thank you very much, sweet little dude,” I smiled back, feeling slightly embarrassed under my brother’s scrutinising gaze.  
“You’re the sweetest little dude,” Pete laughed, “Go kill it up there, Mikeyway.”  
I resisted the urge to kiss him again and instead followed my band to the stage.  
“Sweet little dude?” Frank questioned.  
I shook my head, “Just… don’t ask.” How could I even explain Pete?  
We kicked off with I’m Not Ok (I Promise) and I was delighted when I glanced to the side of the stage and saw Pete. He was singing along and smiling and bouncing up and down.  
I felt like I did kill it on that stage. I played for Pete, more than the audience. I kept stealing glances over at him and every time I looked I would see that his eyes were on me and me alone. 

+++

“Fuck, if I’m gonna do anymore of this shit I need to get some food,” Mikey declared and stood, taking the two coffee cups with him, “And maybe some more coffee,” He added.  
I laughed and clicked off the recorder, stretching my arms out in front of me.   
“You hungry?” Mikey asked from over by the fridge.  
“I could eat,” I decided.  
He popped his head back in, “Takeout?”  
“Sure,” I laughed again.  
We drank coffee while we waited for the pizza to arrive. We didn’t really talk, but it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence. Mikey had spent the day talking about stuff he had tried to not even think about in a decade. He needed a bit of breathing space, and I completely respected that.  
He didn’t bother with plates when the pizza arrived, just plopped the box in the middle of the table. As he did so some of my notes fluttered to the floor.  
“Fuck,” He cursed and bent to get them.  
I reached for them, “It’s o- Mikey?”   
He had made a horrible, choked sound as he stared down at the paper in his hand.  
“Mikey?” I said again. This time I stood and went around to the other side of the table, crouching beside him.  
He was clutching a photo of him and Pete, it must have fallen out of one of my folders. In it, Mikey had his arm wrapped around Pete, their heads bent together. Pete was grinning and Mikey had that little half smile of his. They both looked happy. They looked in love.  
“Oh no, Mikey…” Without even thinking, I wrapped my arms around him. He fell right onto me, burying his head in my hair as a sob wracked through his body.  
The pizza went cold. The photo never left Mikey’s hand.

I called Gerard - which I felt bad about doing at such a late hour. I didn’t know what else to do. Mikey had cried, full on sobbing in my arms. And then he simply retreated to the living room and sat on the sofa staring at the photo, not moving. I had tried talking to him, tried getting any response from him other than tears, but it was useless.  
I let Gerard in when he arrived. He nodded in greeting and then slipped past me into the living room. I hovered in the doorway, unsure what I should do.  
“Mikey?” He crouched down in front of his younger brother, “Hey Mikes, you okay?”  
Mikey was silent for a long moment, just staring at the picture.  
And then the dam broke…  
“We were so in love!” He cried, dropping his head into his hands, “I loved him! And he loved me! I shouldn’t have left… I shouldn’t… I shouldn’t have let him leave… We were happy. We would have been happy. I would… I wouldn’t be so alone…” He was almost wailing.  
“Mikey,” Gerard said softly, reaching out to touch his brother’s hand.  
Mikey flinched away from the touch and leapt up from the couch, “No! No. Don’t you start, Gerard. We could have been happy! Look how happy we are!” He waved the picture around, “I should have never left New York…”  
Gee frowned, “New York?” And I was just as shocked as he was. What had happened between Pete and Mikey all those years ago in New York? Why did Gerard not know?  
“We could have figured it out!” Mikey was yelling now, but I wasn’t sure if it was at his brother or the picture, “He was going to figure it out! He promised, Gee, he promised... And I fucking- I ruined it. We were so fucking happy…” There were tears streaming down his cheeks now, “If we had just tried to make it work. Why didn’t we try? We would have- He would've- He was going to figure it out... We were so in love...”   
“Mikey,” Gerard tried again, taking a cautious step toward his brother.  
And Mikey just collapsed into his arms. He clung to his brother, sobbing into his shoulder and clutching fistfuls of his shirt. His legs went out from under him and Gerard was forced to take his weight.  
I wasn’t sure what to do. Mikey had always been the more deadpan member, and yet here he was sobbing into his brother’s arms.  
“It’s okay, Mikes, it’s okay,” Gerard was whispering, “It’s all okay. It’s the past, Mikey. You don’t need to go there right now. It’s all in the past.”  
Eventually, Gerard persuaded Mikey to go to bed. It was late and he’d had a long day.   
Mikey didn’t let go of the picture.  
I was tidying up in the dining room when Gerard came back down.  
“I’m so sorry,” I blurted immediately, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to upset him. I didn’t even know I had that photo. These are just all my notes and… I’m just so sorry.”  
Gerard simply waved my apologies away, “He loved him and he cried once. The morning after the last night of tour, when Mikes woke up and Pete was gone, he cried in my arms. And then... nothing. That was it. Then he just got quiet. I’d rather this - the screaming and crying - than for him to go quiet again. To feel is to be human, there’s nothing wrong with that. You didn’t do that to my brother, that’s a wound that’s been festering. It’s not your fault.” He poked at the untouched pizza then took a slice before holding the box out to me, “Well come on then, I suppose it’s my turn for the trauma now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously I'm gonna run out of content soon if I don't come up with an update schedule so I'm thinking maybe every Sunday??? For now anyway. I'm starting college soon though so idk when I'll update then.   
> Please tell me what you think of the chapter! I love reading comments :)


	4. Gerard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this chapter is a little early but I'm just really excited about getting further into the story. Also, I'm like pretty happy because I'm getting more tattoos on Wednesday and one of them is a My Chemical Romance one so I'm excited.   
> Anyway, without further ado, here's the chapter! Enjoy!

We ate cold pizza as I sorted through my notes and set up the recorder once more, this time in the living room.  
“Would it not be easier to just use your phone?” He asked as I placed the recorder onto the coffee table.  
I found my pen and flicked through my notepad to find a blank page, balancing it on my legs. I shrugged, “I just like it, I guess. It's more authentic.”  
“Such a purist,” He rolled his eyes and sat down, “Okay then, I’m ready. Make me cry.”  
I laughed and started the recorder.

+++

Mikey snuck off with Pete again almost straight after we finished our set.   
“Wow,” Frank said as we stared after their retreating forms, “You think they’re… you know?”  
“What?” I frowned.  
He rolled his eyes, “Doing what we’re doing.”  
Oh. Oh. Oh fuck. How did I not realise?  
Frank was laughing, full on bent over cackling laughter, “Did you really not guess? Did you not… Fuck Gee, did you not know that Mikey…” He chewed his lip as he tried to pick the right word, “…plays for both teams?” He chuckled to himself.  
I felt my cheeks going red, “I mean, I knew he…” I cut myself off, laughing at how Frank had worded it, “But Pete Wentz? Really?”  
“Well, I can’t be sure, but it looks like it,” Frank slipped his hand into my pocket and yanked my cigarettes out, stealing one before tossing the box back to me. I took one myself and lit it before handing him my lighter. He grinned at me, “I like the way you smoke.”  
I coughed, “What?”  
He shrugged and took a drag, “You just look good doing it, I don’t know. It’s hard to explain.”  
I nodded, not really sure what else to do. We just stood next to the bus smoking together. It was nothing unusual, nothing we hadn’t done together for the past few years.   
“Hey,” Ray opened the door, poking his head out, “You guys wanna play Mario Kart?”  
I laughed, “Sure, man. I’m still not good at it but sure.”  
“Where’s Mikeyway? I thought we were leaving soon,” He asked as we climbed the steps onto the bus.   
“We are,” Frank told him, “He’ll be back.”  
“Hopefully,” I added, half expecting to get a text from my brother telling me that he was staying with Fall Out Boy.   
Frank squeezed my hand, “Stop fussing over him.”  
We played a couple games of Mario Kart before Mikey finally came back.   
He widened his eyes at us as soon as he stepped onto the bus, “Hi.”  
“Hey Mikes,” I offered him a smile and gestured to the back lounge - which I knew was empty. I stood and headed into the back, knowing he would follow.  
He looked slightly embarrassed as he shut the door behind him, as if he had just been caught sneaking in after curfew. He took out a cigarette and the bus started moving. He sat down at the booth, pulling the ashtray in front of him and raised an eyebrow. I sat across from him.  
“So you and Pete Wentz, huh?”  
He shrugged, trying to act casual - as if I hadn’t known him all his life, as if I didn’t know when he was lying.   
“We were just hanging out,” He said as ways of explanation, “He’s a sweet little dude,” He smiled to himself then, as if he had made a little private joke.  
They know each other for ten minutes and already they have private jokes?  
“Mikes, I’m your brother. I know you better than that.”  
He pulled a face, “Gee, I don’t know what you’re talking about. What do you want to know? We talked about bass and music and movies. He’s a fan of the band, we talked about that. I don’t know what you want from me.”  
He was lying to me. Mikey had never kept anything from me and now suddenly he was lying. I knew he was. I could see it, I could just tell. I knew Frank’s presumptions were right and Mikey felt like he couldn’t tell me. He’d never even came out to me, not that he’d needed to - I’d never come out to him - but it just made me think he felt the need to hide who he was from me.  
I needed to tell him.  
I needed a fucking smoke.  
I patted my pockets for my Marlboros but found them empty. I cursed and looked to my brother, “Can I bum a smoke, Mikes?”  
He nodded and handed over the box with a grunt and a slight frown.   
I lit the cigarette and slid the box back over to him. I took a pull and leaned back. “I kissed Frank,” I said quickly. Then I added, “Properly kissed him.” I didn’t want him to think it was just like the kisses we had shared on stage. It was a lot more than that.  
Mikey choked, coughing on the smoke as he inhaled. He coughed and sputtered and choked and almost dropped his cigarette. “Fuck!” He continued to cough. I gave him all the time he needed to compose himself. His coughing died down and he finally looked up at me, “It’s about fucking time.”  
“I- Wait, what?”  
“It’s about fucking time,” He repeated, “Fuck, Gerard, the two of you have so clearly been into each other since you fucking met. It’s been painfully obvious.”  
“What? No, no it hasn’t. I never said anything and neither did Frank. We didn’t know.”  
Mikey rolled his eyes, “It didn’t need to be said. The way the two of you acted was obvious enough,” He stubbed out his cigarette and pushed his hair out of his eyes, “I’m just glad it finally happened, it took you long enough. I’m surprised it did because the two of you are so fucking stupid.”  
“What?”  
“How has it taken you this long to notice?” He rolled his eyes again, “Okay Gee, why don’t you think back to how much Frank fucking hated Bert?”  
Bert… We toured with The Used a couple of times and Bert and I got along really fucking well, he was a cool guy. Frank wasn’t a big fan of him but I couldn’t really see a reason why and honestly I hadn’t really paid much attention and… Oh.  
Frank did hate Bert. And he had a good reason for it too.  
I had let Bert be all over me, had acted with Bert the same way I usually acted with Frankie… and I had completely neglected Frank in the process.  
He had been jealous, just like today. And I was too caught up in thinking that I would never have a chance with him to notice.  
“Oh,” I muttered.  
“Dumbass,” Mikey scoffed, then did that little half smile of his, “So, what happened?” He leaned forward eagerly.  
I laughed, almost nervously, “He, uh, he was upset and he thought Pete Wentz and I were checking each other out.”  
Mikey’s face fell almost instantly, “Were you? Was he?”  
“God no! Mikey! Come on, man. I just told you I kissed Frank, you know the guy who I’ve pretty much been in love with since we met him four years ago. I was trying to figure out why you were all over the guy.”  
He busied himself playing with the butt of the cigarette. “I was not all over him,” He went bright red and I laughed.  
“Mikes, the two of you were stuck to each other. But yeah, Frank read the whole situation wrong and I guess he sort of outed himself and then…” I blushed, “We kissed.”  
“And?” Mikey urged.  
“And what?”  
He frowned, “What about a big declaration of love? You can’t tell me that after all these years that’s all.”  
“It was romantic!” Sort of. I mean, it was just a sloppy kiss in the back of a bus, but it was perfect to me.   
“You know what, I don’t wanna know,” He shook his head, “I don’t need to hear about my best friend and my brother hooking up.”  
“We didn’t hook up!”   
“Yet,” He rolled his eyes again. He dropped the butt of the cigarette back into the ashtray, “I’m happy for you, man, really I am.”  
“Anything you wanna tell me?” I pressed.  
He smirked, ever so slightly, “Nothing comes to mind.”  
Little shit head.  
I tried a different approach, “So will we be seeing a lot more of Fall Out Boy this summer?”  
He shrugged, still with that little smirk of his, “Sure. Probably. I mean, we are sharing a stage.”  
Fucker.  
“I meant…”  
“I know what you meant. But I don’t know yet. We’re not you and Frankie. It’s been a few hours, I don’t know yet but…” He sighed.  
“You want to?”  
He shrugged again, “Yeah, yeah, I guess.”  
I smiled. Fucking finally.  
“Do we have any coffee?” He asked.  
“Obviously. Ray has popcorn too.”  
Mikey nodded, that little half smile playing on his lips yet again, “Coffee, popcorn and Mario Kart?” He stood, stretching, and headed for the door.  
I laughed, “You just wanna see me fall off the track.”  
“Well yeah,” He headed for the front of the bus.  
Frankie looked up as soon as we reappeared. He scooched over to make space for me to sit down next to him. He grabbed my hand and squeezed it briefly.

Mikey ended up convincing Brian to let us stop off at a twenty four hour diner because popcorn and Mario Kart just didn’t cut it.   
“We gotta be quick, guys,” Brian was saying as we all made our way off the bus, “In and out, just grab some food and let's go. We still have a three hour drive ahead of us.”  
“Brian,” Ray laughed and ruffled his hair as he walked past him, “It’s not even one A.M yet and we’re already halfway there. We’ll be there before morning. Ease up.”  
Brian looked torn but begrudgingly nodded, “Fine. But we need to be back on the road by two.”  
“Sure thing, Bri.” We all agreed and happily went into the small diner.   
The lady at the counter raised an eyebrow as we walked in, looking slightly perplexed. I couldn’t blame her, we looked like fucking weirdos.   
We had all changed out of our stage clothes and taken our makeup off so we didn’t look as outrageous as we had earlier. Problem was, now we were in pyjamas. Well, I was wearing pyjamas, I had cleaned my makeup off on the bus and changed into my skeleton pyjamas. Frank was in loose black shorts and a Misfits t-shirt he had taken from me. Mikey was still wearing skinny jeans but had at least changed into a hoodie. Ray was in a Revenge hoodie and sweatpants… Okay so maybe it was me who looked weird. But Frank had painted nails and tattoos too so you know, I wasn’t the only one getting looks. And we did all just have a weird vibe.  
We stood around a booth reading through the menu - which Frank complained a lot about, due to the lack of vegetarian options - and gulped down mugs of coffee as we did so.  
After we ordered we all headed to the bathrooms - wanting to use a toilet that wasn’t the size of a cupboard and was far too close to the general living area.   
We didn’t smell, yet, so there was no need for us to try to wash ourselves in the sinks. Thankfully.  
“Hey,” Frank grabbed my arm as I went to follow Mikey into the bathrooms.  
“Huh?” I turned towards him but he was already pulling me into the diaper changing room and locking the door behind us. I gaped, “We can’t be in here!” I felt bad for taking up the room in case someone actually needed it. And it also smelled like a shitty diaper.  
“Let’s be real, what mom and baby are gonna be in here at this time?” He rolled his eyes.  
Okay, yeah that was fair.  
I let him pull me in for a kiss then. His mouth opened almost instantly and his warm tongue ran along mine. It was only our second proper kiss, but I knew that I’d never get tired of this. I could spend the rest of my life kissing him and still I’d feel the sparks under my skin that he ignites as soon as he touches me.  
I pulled him in, wrapping my arms around his waist and holding him close against me. He was stretched up to meet my lips and there was gapping between his pants and skirt and I settled my hands on the smooth skin there, pressing my fingers against him and holding him as close as I possibly could.   
His lip ring was cool against my lips and I couldn’t help but pull his bottom lip into my mouth. His hands wandered over my body urgently and I briefly wondered what he was doing. Then he pulled back and cursed, “Fuck these goddamn pyjamas.” He opened a few of the buttons, slipping his hands in and then pressing his mouth against mine once more.  
I gasped at the feeling of his cool hands against my skin. He kept one hand on my hip - actually it was dangerously low, almost on my ass - and he trailed the other hand upwards, running his fingers along my chest before tracing his way across my jaw and knotting his fingers in my hair. I groaned against his lips and -  
“Hey!” Ray banged against the door, “Gerard, Frank, you in there?”  
Frank pulled away from me and clamped a hand over his mouth to stop himself from laughing. He pressed a finger to my lips and blushed when I kissed it.  
“Frank?” Ray called again, “Gerard?” The door handle jangled as someone tried to open the door. Frank bit his hand as another wave of laughter shook his body, then held his free hand over my lips to stop me from speaking.  
“Man, that’s for changing diapers,” Bob chuckled, “They don’t even have toilets in there. They probably went out for a smoke.”  
“Gerard said he needed to pee.”  
Mikey chuckled then. I hadn’t even realised he was there. “He might have gone into the chick’s toilets. You know how he is.”   
I frowned but Ray seemed to buy it. He sheepishly said, “Sorry!” Then we could hear them walking away.  
And Frank doubled over with laughter. I couldn’t help but laugh along with him. I laughed until my stomach hurt, Frank laughed until he cried. And he just looked so happy.  
I kissed him again, soft and slow and gentle. He seemed a little taken aback at first then his soft lips moved against mine.  
“Let’s just do this forever,” He muttered between kisses.  
I hummed as I kissed him again, “I’m okay with that.” I pressed another kiss to his lips, “But I don’t think the others would be. We need to go back out there.”  
“And you need to pee,” He added with a chuckle.  
“And I need to pee.”  
Frank buttoned up my onesie and went to join the others and I went to pee. When I got to the table, Mikey put his hand over his mouth and turned his head. The fucker was trying not to laugh.  
I squeezed into the booth beside Frank who instantly dropped his hand onto my thigh.  
The waitress came over then and filled all of our mugs with coffee which I was unbelievably grateful for. Frank - who was sitting between Mikey and I - laughed as we inhaled the caffeine.  
“Ways and their coffee, huh?” Ray chuckled.  
Frank grinned, tracing patterns onto my leg.  
“Great set today, guys,” Brian beamed, “I mean, just wow. We got a great reception today. And so many of the other guys seemed to be really into it too. Did you see that Pete guy from Fall Out Boy? They’re-”  
Mikey started coughing, spitting the gulp of coffee he had just taken back into the mug. Frank and Ray howled with laughter. Bob and Brian looked concerned.  
As he was laughing, Frank started to pat Mikey’s back. I couldn’t help but join in with the laughter, folding my hand over my mouth to try to disguise it a little bit. Ray made no such attempt and I idly wondered how much my best friend knew about my brother’s developing relationship with Pete Wentz.  
“Are you good, Mikeyway?” Frank asked through his laughter as Mikey’s coughing died down.  
My brother wiped his mouth with a napkin and chuckled a little himself then nodded.  
“What the fuck happened?” Brian was staring at him with wide eyes which only caused Ray, Frank and I to laugh more.  
Mikey nudged Frank, making him laugh even more, “I just… coffee went down the wrong way.” And then he joined us in our laughter while Brian and Bob stared at us, looking quite perplexed.  
Our laughter eventually died down when the waitress came over with our food.  
“Are you alright, dear?” She asked Mikey - clearly she had witnessed what had happened. It would have been hard to miss it in the tiny, empty diner.  
Her concern set Frank off again and he had to try to stifle his laughter once again.  
Mikey offered her a polite smile, “I’m okay, thank you.”  
She smiled, “Just let me know if you need anything,” Then glared at Frank before walking away.  
“Mikey, dear, are you okay?” Ray chuckled.  
Mikey rolled his eyes and started eating his waffles.  
Brian was still frowning but he started back into his rant as we all tucked in to our food. “As I was saying, Fall Out Boy seemed really into-” He ignored Frank’s chortle, “-our show today. And they’re really up and coming, you know. They’re going places and so are you, so it’s a good sign that they’re into our stuff.”  
Frank muttered something to Mikey that I didn’t quite catch but it caused Mikey to do his little half grin and nudge Frank again. He gripped my leg once more and shot me a dazzling smile before turning to his food.  
Brian was the first to finish his food and he headed back out to the bus, ordering us to hurry up and finish eating.   
Frank flipped him off once his back was turned, “I love the guy but he really needs to lighten up a little. We aren’t even playing until like four thirty tomorrow. That’s over twelve hours away. It’s a three hour drive, I think we’ll make it.”  
Bob sniggered, “You know what he’s like.”  
“It’s only because we’re headlining,” Ray sighed, pushing the side salad around with his fork.  
Mikey giggled, actually fucking giggled, and I glanced over at him. He was finished eating and had his phone in his hand. His cheeks went bright red and he muttered, “Sorry.” Then he shut the phone and tucked it into his pocket.  
“You got a girl there, Mikes?” Bob chuckled.  
Frank scoffed then tried to play it off as a cough before shoving one of my fries into his mouth.  
“Something like that,” Mikey muttered.  
Ray took over then, steering the conversation away from my brother which I was undoubtedly grateful for. If Mikey wasn’t ready to talk about that, then I couldn’t force him. And I didn’t want anyone else to do it. I shot Bob a glare but he didn’t even notice.   
Frank slipped his hand into mine as we finished our coffees and chatted with the waitress when Mikey and I ran to get our thermos to bring some coffee with us. She rolled her eyes at us but filled them up anyway.   
“You boys out on a road trip?”   
“Something like that,” Frank flashed her a smile, “We’re on a summer tour. Gotta take all the caffeine we can get.”  
The older woman had a particular fondness for Mikey - I thought it was because of the glasses and the babyface - and she gave us a box of slightly stale donuts on the house. It was definitely only because they would be gone bad by the time the next customers came in but we appreciated the thought anyway.  
Brian had retreated to his bunk by the time we got back onto the bus. Bob did the same. Mikey headed to the back lounge with his phone in one hand and coffee in the other and, after yawning, Frank declared he was going to bed. I tried not to feel too disappointed. I fell to the couch with a sigh.  
Ray sat beside me, “You wanna watch some shitty TV?”   
I couldn’t help but smile, “Sure, why not?”  
We watched a couple of episodes of some shitty reality show on MTV until Ray started to fall asleep on the couch.   
I shut off the TV and woke him, nudging him in the direction of the bunks. I checked the back lounge to see if Mikey was still up but it was empty and when I stood by his bunk I could hear gentle snores. I chuckled under my breath and hesitated by Frank’s. I wanted to pull it back and curl up next to him. I was about to open the curtain when Bob snored loudly and I decided against it, and moved over to my own bunk.  
“Fuck!” I jumped when I pulled back the curtain to see a sleepy Frank curled up in my bunk.  
“Shh,” He muttered and scooched over, “Come to bed, Gee.”  
I cautiously climbed in next to him and pulled the curtain closed.

+++

Gerard was quiet for a long moment and I wasn’t sure if he planned to continue. I waited until the silence became unbearable before I spoke.  
“Do you want to stop?” I reached for the recorder but he caught my hand.  
“No, no, it’s okay. I just… I need a minute. I hadn’t realised how strong all the feelings would still be,” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “You know, it still feels like I’m back there. I can still feel him pressed against me in the bunk, I can still hear him and see him,” He closed his eyes, his hands tracing through the air, “It all still feels so real.”  
“We can stop,” I whispered, not wanting Gerard to crumble the way Mikey did. I felt unbearably guilty over how Mikey had reacted to the picture and I didn’t want to do the same to his brother.  
“No, really, it’s okay. I don’t want to just pretend none of it ever happened. I’m sorry for spacing out I just… I felt like I was right back there. Anyway, I pulled the curtain closed and…”

+++

“Why are you in my bunk, Frankie?” I asked, teasing a little.  
He wiggled closer to me and pressed his body against mine. His hands slid to the buttons of my pyjamas yet again and undid some of the buttons, sliding his arms around me. I shuddered at his touch and moved closer to him. He pressed his forehead to mine and smiled in the dim light, “I just wanted to be close to you. In case you haven’t realised, I’ve spent the past three years fantasizing about this.”  
I smiled. He was too fucking cute. “You and me both, I’m not complaining, I was just surprised.”  
His eyes looked so bright and full of life, “I’m glad. I wasn’t sure if I should have waited for you in my bunk and-”  
I swiftly kissed the corner of his mouth, “No Frankie, I’m happy you’re here. I want to spend every moment I can with you. We’ve waited long enough.”  
He leaned forward and kissed me gently, slow and sleepy. We didn’t do anything else, just soft, lazy kisses. When we got too sleepy, Frank curled up against my chest, pressing soft kisses to it until we fell asleep. I don’t know who nodded off first, but I do know that I was unbelievably content and it was the easiest I had fallen asleep in a long time.

“Gee!” I woke up to Mikey yelling. Frank groaned and pressed his face into my hair. Mikey called my name again and I sighed.  
“What, Mikes?” I was almost certain I could smell coffee. I regretted sleeping in the skeleton onesie, I was too hot and sweaty when I woke up.  
“Did you buy PopTarts?” He asked from behind the curtain.   
Frank bit my shoulder as he laughed and fuck that shouldn’t have felt so good.  
“Yeah man, I gave them to Ray. He organised all the shit,” I tried to keep my voice steady but Frank really wasn’t making it easy. He had moved from my shoulder to my collarbone and he began to kiss and suck on the skin there.  
Mikey walked away then, calling, “Ray, I know you know where the fucking PopTarts are! Come on man, I’m hungry!” Ray yelled back but I couldn’t hear what he said. I just heard Mikey curse then say, “You could have told me that in the first place, Toro!” Ray’s laughter could be heard throughout the bus.  
I could definitely smell coffee. Mikey was probably making some. I idly wondered if he’d bring me some if I asked. He might just tell me to fuck off.  
Frank wiggled closer to me, propping himself up on his elbow and tilting my chin towards him, “Hi,” He smiled and pressed his lips against mine.  
“Good morning,” I whispered between kisses, “You know, this might be my new favourite thing.”  
“Might?” His lip ring scraped against my teeth as I tugged on his bottom lip, “Mmm, it’s definitely mine. No might about it.” He attached his lips to my neck.  
I hummed in agreement, “Let’s just stay like this. Let’s just spend the day here.”  
Frank scoffed and pulled away, “Like you could survive a day without coffee.”  
He got me there. I laughed and pressed a kiss to his jaw, “I could bring some coffee in here.”  
He hummed and pulled me closer to press his lips against mine once more, “Coffee sounds good,” He muttered.  
“Right?” Fuck, I loved him. He knew the way to my heart.  
“And then the rest of the day in bed,” He concluded before licking the side of my face. I pulled a face and he used my hood to wipe the spit from my face then pressed a soft kiss to my cheek. I laughed and he grinned, “I want this moment forever. Sleepy kisses and the smell of coffee and just being close.”   
I turned over onto my side to face him and he flopped back down. His nose brushed against mine and I shifted forward, “I like kissing you, Frankie.” I brushed my lips against his.  
I could feel his smile, “You can do a lot more than just kiss me, Gee.” His hands cupped my jaw, fingers rubbing along the bone and digging a little into the soft part, and I tilted my head back and lifted my arms to wrap them around his neck.  
And then Mikey called my name again.  
Frank groaned in frustration as he pulled away and I rolled my eyes and sat up a little, “What now, Mikey?”  
“I was just wondering if you wanted-” He pulled back the curtain and scoffed, “Well okay then.”  
I didn’t have to look at Frank to know that he was grinning. “Morning, Mikeyway.”  
“Morning Frank,” Mikey rolled his eyes, the ghost of a smile playing on his lips, “Do you want coffee? I made coffee. And PopTarts.” And then he turned and headed back to the front of the bus.   
That prompted us out of bed.   
Mikey left not too long after we got up. He claimed to be going to look around.  
“Tell the guys from Fall Out Boy we said hi!” Ray called after him, and Frank almost choked on his PopTart, spitting crumbs everywhere as he laughed. It was adorable, in a really gross way.  
Mikey flipped Ray off and left the bus.  
“Where are the others?” Frank asked as he brushed the crumbs onto the floor. He glanced around as if he expected Brian to appear and yell at him.  
“Bob is still asleep and I have no fucking clue where Brian went,” Ray shrugged.  
I took a gulp of coffee, sighing in content. Frank laughed again, leaning closer to me.  
Ray shot us a knowing glance, “So who made the first move?” He raised an eyebrow as he ate his cereal.  
“Gee,” Frank answered around a mouthful of PopTarts.   
“Ha!” Ray beamed, “Mikey owes me twenty bucks.”  
“What?” I couldn’t help but laugh.  
He shrugged, “We made a bet about… a year ago? I guess I won.”  
“Damn, I wish I had thought to make a bet that Mikey would hook up with Pete Wentz,” Frank sighed, “Fucking no one saw that coming. Toro, I can’t believe you bet against me.”  
He shrugged, “Hey, I was right.”  
“Fucking asshole,” Frank grinned and gripped my hand under the table.  
I rolled my eyes and took another gulp of coffee.  
Ray chewed his cereal, “So Brian is gonna get me all the shit for the back of the bus today. Hopefully it’ll be set up by the time we leave for Missouri.”  
“Shit, really?” I grinned, “Fuck yeah. This is gonna be so fucking awesome, we’re gonna get so much shit done.”  
Frank smiled as he polished off his PopTart, “It’s gonna be-” He cut himself off as he glanced out the window and gasped, “Hey is that Pete Wentz?” And then he pulled the blinds open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know your thoughts! I always love to hear opinions, good or bad!   
> Thank you for reading!


	5. Mikey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The one where I finally realise that if I paste as rich text as opposed to HTML it actually keeps the italics and stuff that I had on Docs.... I never said I was good at this. I'm glad I finally figured it out though. I guess I'm just a slow learning dumbass.  
> Also, I love that I said every Sunday but I'm currently uploading this on a Friday.   
> Anyway, enjoy this chapter. I enjoyed writing this one and I feel like the story is starting to pick up a little.

Somehow I ended up spending the night on Mikey Way’s couch. 

When he got up the next morning he wasn’t as upset as he had been the night before. However, the photo was still clutched in his hand.

“Do you mind if I keep this?” He asked in a low voice when Gerard declared he was going to make coffee.

I shook my head, “Go ahead. It’s yours if you want it. I mean, it’s just a picture I found on the Internet but… but keep it.”

He smiled down at the photo in his hand and then at me, “Thank you.”

We sat in the dining room drinking coffee and eating cereal, with all of my notes spread out across the table. Gerard and Mikey were reading through some of them.

Mikey rooted through my pencil case and began writing little notes on top of mine and highlighting sections. Gerard studied his brother before laughing and doing the same.

“You know,” Gerard said after quite some time, “This book of yours is gonna have a pretty shitty ending.”

“I don’t think so,” I sighed.

“No, it will,” He chuckled, “I mean, there’s not really any happily ever after for the romantic plotlines. We all go our separate ways in the end. None of us are even speaking.”

“Can’t argue with him on that,” Mikey agreed with a sigh, chewing the lid of the pen.

“I’ve already thought of that, don’t worry.”

“Oh?” Gee raised an eyebrow, “Are you gonna change the ending?”

“No.”

“So how’s your story gonna end?”

“We haven’t reached the ending yet.”

He frowned, “You’re being unusually cryptic. What do you mean?”

Mikey dropped his pen, “Will I make some more coffee? Or hey, we could go to Starbucks if you want.”

Gerard ignored him and looked at me for a long moment, then he shook his head. He could see right through me. “You want to go see Frankie.”

I simply nodded.

“Coffee?” Mikey tried again in a meek voice.

“You knew about this?” He gaped at his brother.

“So is that a no on more coffee or…?” He trailed off with a sigh as Gerard continued to stare at him. He nodded, almost guiltily, “I’m sorry. I told her not to mention it to you,” He shot me a look and I shrunk down into my seat.

“You were going to go without telling me?” For the first time, Gerard sounded angry. And even worse, he sounded hurt.

“Frank is my  _ friend _ ,” Mikey sounded annoyed too, and I wanted to disappear. “I don’t need your permission to go see him. I’ve gone to see him before without running it by you.”

“This is different and you know it!” Gerard tugged at his hair in frustration. He sighed, “Does it matter to either of you if I say I don’t want you to see him?”

I started to speak but Mikey beat me to it. “Of course it matters.”

“But it won’t stop you?” 

We both shook our heads solemnly.

Gerard looked back at the papers in front of him and busied himself neatening them, muttering something I couldn’t hear. Neither Mikey nor I moved. We simply watched Gerard. Eventually he spoke, “Mikeyway, you need an office.”

“I have an office,” He responded in that deadpan voice of his.

I glanced between them, still frozen in place. They seemed to be teasing each other now, the tension resolved, but I couldn’t be certain. 

“An office that isn’t devoted to bass,” Gee scoffed, “Yours is just full of guitars. We should move this to my house. Get some coffee on the way.” He looked at me and smiled a little, “Did you drive here?”

“Cab,” I muttered, still unsure.

“And do you have any more notes in your place?”

“Some,” I nodded.

“Where do you live?”

I frowned, “I’m staying in a motel.”

Both Ways looked shocked at this. 

“You’re staying in a motel?” Gerard seemed to be waiting for me to finish a bad joke.

I just nodded.

He nodded too, “Okay. Okay. I need to think. But not here, I can’t work here.” I didn’t quite understand what work he had to do. He continued, “Mikeyway, you bring her to get the rest of her stuff. All of your stuff, kid. I have a spare room where you can stay in my place. We can’t have our biographer staying in some shitty motel.” I scoffed at the way he said ‘biographer’ but even still, he was warming my heart. He went on, “And do a Starbucks run on the way, Mikes, and we’ll set up in my place. At least that’s a more…  _ creative environment _ ,” He laughed at himself, “And then we can discuss the ending of your book. I just- I just need to think first. And I need to get the house organised if you’re gonna be staying, and you are staying.”

He helped Mikey and I pack away my things and waited for Mikey to gather up some stuff of his own. We all left the house together and Gerard told us to hurry. 

As we climbed into the car, Mikey turned to me, “Now’s as good a time as any, right? Get your little recorder thing and we’ll talk.”

+++

Pete got my phone number. I don’t fucking know how but when we were in the diner I got a brief spam of texts from a new number.

(Received - **01:01** ) _mikeyway is this u?_

(Received - **01:01** ) _fck i hope it is_

(Received -  **01:01** )  _ hey :) _

(Received - **01:02** ) _mikeyway?_

(Received - **01:02** ) _xo peterpan_

I frowned down at my phone. 

(Sent -  **01:04** )  _ pete? _

I quickly saved the contact as  **_peterpan_ ** \- because fuck me, that was cute. Of course it was Pete Wentz, what other Pete did I know? 

(Received -  **01:05** )  _ hey mikeyway ;) _

(Sent -  **01:07** )  _ how did u get this? _

(Received -  **01:08** )  _ i have my ways _

(Received -  **01:08** )  _ haha way _

I rolled my eyes at his pun. 

(Sent -  **01:10** )  _ ha _

It took a couple of minutes for his response. And then I received another brief spam.

(Received -  **01:13** )  _ mikeyway i don’t want to just kiss u _

(Received -  **01:13** )  _ i do love kissing u but i want more than kissing _

(Received -  **01:14** )  _ not just sex _

(Received -  **01:14** )  _ i do want sex 2 tho _

(Received -  **01:14** )  _ but not just that _

(Received -  **01:15** ) _ can we hang out 2 _

(Received -  **01:15** )  _ and kiss _

(Received -  **01:16** )  _ i just want u 2 no i dont just want sex _

(Received -  **01:16** )  _ sex wud b good tho _

I laughed. Actually fucking laughed at my fucking phone.

Everyone looked at me immediately and I cursed Pete Wentz. If it wasn’t bad enough having Ray figure it out straight away, and Gerard interrogate me, and Brian freaking out over Pete being around, and Frank giving me  _ that look _ all night and saying “I don’t think it’s our music that your  _ sweet little dude _ is into,” now I’m giggling at texts like some fucking schoolgirl. Fuck.

“Sorry.” I shoved my phone into my pocket.

Bob gave me a strange look, almost as if he was proud of me and then he teased, “You got a girl there, Mikes?”

Frank made a strange strangled nose and when I looked at him he was stuffing a mouthful of Gerard’s fries into his mouth. He grinned at me.

“Something like that,” I wasn’t sure what else to say. But this only made Frank make the noise again - I presumed it was a stifled laugh - and almost spit Gee’s fries across the table.

I looked to Ray for help and he nodded, “Hey, does anyone know when we’re in California?”

I couldn’t help but notice Gerard lean forward a little and offer me a small smile. I couldn’t express how much I appreciated it.

“Mikeyway, do you think we’ll be able to get some coffee to go?” Gee asked when we were all finished eating.

Frank rolled his eyes and muttered something about Ways and coffee.

I shrugged, “One way to find out, I guess.”

“Keep her talking,” Gerard got close to Frank and I was almost certain he kissed his cheek, but then he was grabbing my elbow and pulling me out to the bus. His voice was flooded with concern, “We do have a thermos, right?”

“I brought two, you know, just in case.”

Thankfully the woman filled up both thermoses with coffee and smiled, “You boys out on a road trip?” 

Frank was all charm, “Something like that. We’re on a summer tour. Gotta take all the caffeine we can get.”

She smiled at me then, “Did you get enough to eat, dear? Do you want anything else? What can I get you, sugar?”

I tried to look as polite as possible, “No thank you ma’am.” 

She didn’t look convinced and even shot Frank a glare, as if it was his fault. Then she smiled at me again, “You just hang tight. I’ll get you something nice.” And I felt like a kid getting a lollipop when she returned with a box of donuts. 

I could feel my cheeks heating up as I accepted them, “Oh, um, thank you very much. This is too kind. Thank you.”

She actually pinched my fucking cheek, “You just take care, sugar.” 

When we got back to the bus, I took my thermos and a donut with me to the back lounge where I could safely check my texts.

(Received -  **01:18** )  _ only if u want that _

(Received -  **01:29** )  _ fuck mikeyway i didnt mean 2 freak u out _

(Received -  **01:29** )  _ im sorry  _

(Received -  **01:31** )  _ mikeyway? _

(Received -  **01:37** )  _ was it 2 soon 2 talk abt sex? _

(Received -  **01:43** )  _ or maybe u fell asleep _

(Received -  **01:51** )  _ fuck i bet i look like a weirdo _

(Received -  **01:53** )  _ i guess i just like u a lot  _

(Received -  **01:53** )  _ fuk thats cheesy _

(Received -  **01:56** )  _ gay for mikeyway _

(Received -  **01:58** )  _ ha _

I rolled my eyes at his little spam. He was fucking dumb, but so fucking cute. God, I wanted to kiss him so fucking badly.

(Sent -  **02:15** )  _ dude i’m sry  _

(Sent -  **02:16** )  _ we were eating _

(Received -  **02:16** )  _ mikeyway!! _

(Received -  **02:17** )  _ its cool dude _

(Received -  **02:17** )  _ so… sex?? _

I laughed and then Frank was opening the door to the back lounge, giving me  _ that look _ . I replied quickly.

(Sent -  **02:18** )  _ YES sex  _

(Sent -  **02:18** )  _ frnk here cant talk _

I pocketed my phone once again as Frank sat down beside me. I looked at him and waited.

“So, Gee told you?” He asked eventually, and then proceeded to light up a cigarette. 

I nodded, “Yep. How are you feeling, man?” I bit into my donut. It was a little stale but still good. It went well with the coffee.

“I don’t think this is real, Mikeyway,” He laughed, “I feel like I’m gonna wake up in that shitty motel room again and realise that we didn’t even start the tour and today was all just some big, dumb dream.” I pinched his arm and he jumped away from me, crying out, “What the hell, man?!”

I shrugged, “I guess you’re not dreaming.”

He chuckled then stayed silent for a long moment before he spoke again, “I really love him, Mikes. Like completely fuckng in love with him.”

I nodded. This wasn’t news. It was so fucking obvious, it had been for the longest time.

“You should tell him,” I decided as I polished off the donut. I washed it down with a gulp of coffee and nodded, agreeing with my own statement, “Yeah, Frankie, you should tell him. And have a donut, they’re good.”

“We only kissed today, Mikey,” He swiped the thermos from my hand and took a swig.

I snatched it back, “Hey you’re swapping spit with my brother, not me!” I clutched it close to my chest.

He flashed me that butter-wouldn’t-melt grin of his, “You love me, Mikey, it’s okay.”

I rolled my eyes, “Seriously, if you’re in love with him you should tell him.”

“It’s too soon. I think I should wait.”

“Why? Haven’t you waited long enough?”

He sighed, “We only kissed today, Mikes. I can’t tell him I’m in love with him when we only fucking kissed today.”

“But you’ve known each other for four years. You’ve basically fucking been together for four fucking years, Frankie,” I scoffed, “No way is it too soon, you’re just scared. He made the first move, now you have to tell him first.”

Frank scoffed, “We only kissed today,” He repeated, as if that fucking mattered.

“Four fucking years Frank,” I rolled my eyes, “Wait if you want to, but take my advice and don’t wait too long. I know my brother, okay? He feels the same.”

Frank practically leapt, as if he had been electrocuted, “Did he tell you that?” 

“Frankie, the shit you and Gee tell me about each other is like-” I waved a hand, trying to think of the right word, “I don’t know man, it’s like confidential or some shit, you know?”

He sighed, “Yeah I guess. I kinda don’t want him to tell me that he’s in love with me through you, you know? I just want him to tell me.”

“He will. But you should tell him first,” I patted my pockets and only found an empty pack of cigarettes. Frank handed over his pack in silence and I offered a small smile of gratitude. 

“So you and Pete, huh?” He took the last drag of his cigarette before stubbing it out. 

I got a flash of deja vu, instantly thinking back to only a few hours earlier when I had this same conversation with Gee. I shrugged, “I guess. Maybe. It’s hard to tell.”

“Do you like him? You know,  _ like  _ him?”

I rolled my eyes and shot Frank a look. He looked so tough, with his dark hair and tattoos, yet here he was acting like a teenage girl. Fucking weird, man. I shrugged again, “Yeah I guess. He’s like… he’s kind of weird, but no more than me or you or Gee, you know?”

He nodded, almost as if he was in deep thought, “I get that…” He sighed, “I think I might have been a bit of an asshole to him today. I read the vibes he was giving off, I just thought they were directed at Gee and…”

“And it was gonna be Bert all over again?” I guessed.

He nodded and his face fell ever so slightly. “I don’t want him to think I’m a dick. I mean, you seem to like him. I don’t want to make that weird. He’s making you happy.”

“He should be like a professional kisser too,” I fell down a bit of a spiral then thinking about Pete’s kisses and I couldn’t seem to form a coherent thought, “I just… You know, I haven’t really been with a lot of guys. But Pete was just… wow. You know? It wasn’t anything more than just kissing but- I don’t know, Frankie, but it was just- And he was- and… yeah. Yeah,” I nodded to myself, “I like him.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” Frank pointed out.

“Isn’t it?”

He shrugged, “It doesn’t have to be.”

I finished my cigarette and remained silent. It did have to be. Of course it did. I had hardly known him a day and already I liked him.

“What’s happening to us, Mikeyway?” Frank laughed and nudged me gently, “I guess we’re just turning into a couple of lovesick kids, huh?”

I couldn’t argue with that. I offered him some coffee and he took a gulp before handing it back to me. I grunted and mockingly cheered, “I’ll drink to that.”

We finished the coffee together, passing the thermos between each other. I didn’t question it when Frank climbed into Gerard’s bunk, just rolled my eyes and whispered, “Don’t make too much noise, dickwad. I want to sleep.”

It was almost comical to watch him climb into the top bunk. “Sure thing. Night night, Mikes,” He drew the curtain closed and I laughed to myself. What a weird little guy.

Even with his promise of silence, I put my headphones on and turned my iPod up as loud as I could. I fell asleep quickly.

Pete was waiting outside the bus - which I had told him not to do - leaning against it holding a cardboard cup holder with two Styrofoam cups in it. I instantly made grabby hands.

“Not even a kiss first, huh?” He pouted, which was honestly far too adorable for me to deal with when I knew I couldn’t kiss him.

“Where did you get these?” I asked as he offered me one of the coffee cups.

He shrugged, “Like I said last night, Mikeyway, I have my ways.” And then he pressed a swift kiss to the corner of my mouth, “And besides, I thought you’d appreciate it.”

“I do,” I couldn’t help but smile, “I really fucking do. You really are the sweetest little dude.”

He grinned, clearly delighted with the compliment. He smiled around his cup and I could feel my cheeks reddening. His eyes never left me, “You look good, Mikeyway.”

I almost choked on my coffee, “Stop.” I rolled my eyes.

“I’m being serious!” He looked slightly offended, “You look really good. A t-shirt suits you better than that jacket of yours. Too fucking warm for that shit. And I can see more too.” The little fucker winked at me then.

“Is that not the plan for today?”

“What?” He frowned then the grin bounced right back, “And I thought I was the perverted one here.  _ YES sex _ , right?”

I smiled because fuck it, his smile was infectious, “Definitely.”

“Well my bus is currently busy and your hot brother and the cute feisty one and the Hair God himself are currently staring at us from your bus-” I whipped around to look and sure enough they were. “-so I think that leaves us with nowhere to go. I really don’t wanna do it in a portable toilet.”

I glared at my bandmates. At least Ray made an attempt to pretend he hadn’t been looking, whereas Gerard and Frank still stared. Gerard was gaping, Frank was grinning. Fucking asshole.

And then Gerard was moving away from the window.  _ He wouldn’t _ .

“We should go,” I grabbed for Pete’s arm but it was too late.

“Mikey!” Gerard flung open the door and I tried not to groan. Pete looked as if he was torn between embarrassment and delight. The flicker of emotions would be adorable if my brother wasn’t staring at me as if I had grown two heads. He glanced between Pete and I, “Where did you get that coffee?” 

And I laughed. I actually fucking laughed. Loud, howling laughter.

“I bribed Doug,” Pete shrugged as if it was no big deal. Maybe to other people it wasn’t, but not to us.

Gerard made grabby hands for my cup, mirroring the action I had made only a few minutes previous. I sighed but offered him some, “A sip,” I warned.

He nodded and took a gulp. I rolled my eyes. 

“Pete, do you want a donut?” Frank appeared in the doorway, wearing his sweetest smile. I recalled the conversation from the night before when Frank said he thought he’d been an asshole. This must have been his way of apologising to Pete.

It seemed to work and Pete eagerly nodded, “Fuck yeah, thanks man.”

“Mikey charmed the ass off some waitress and she gave them to us for free,” Frank said happily - because everyone knows that free food is the best food. He headed back up the steps, disappearing into the bus once more.

“You flirted your way to free donuts?” Pete raised an eyebrow. He wasn’t quite smiling.

I widened my eyes, “No, no… No. I- I don’t know. I guess… I don’t know, she just kinda gave them to us. I didn’t- I wasn’t-”

“She was like older than our mom,” Gerard added helpfully, taking another gulp from my coffee.

Frank hummed in agreement as he reappeared with Ray and the pink donut box, “She had like that vibe, you know, uh… fuck Gee, what was it?”

“Kinda like a grumpy old nanny,” My brother mused, “A bit like  _ Mrs Doubtfire _ if she was mean and done with everyone’s shit and hated everyone except for the geeky kid.” This was obviously correct because Frank grinned and flashed him a look I knew all too well. I looked at Gerard like that too. It was the  _ I-have-no-fucking-clue-what-weird-thing-I’m-trying-to-say-but-Gee-gets-it  _ look. He was just like that.

“Was there a geeky kid in  _ Mrs Doubtfire _ ?” Pete handed me his coffee as he chose a donut. 

“I meant Mikey,” Gerard shrugged, still drinking my coffee and seemingly completely oblivious to the look of adoration he was getting from his boyfriend.

Was boyfriend the right word?

I didn’t know if it was too soon.

Maybe it was best to just stick to Frank… 

Gerard finally handed back my cup, now with a considerate amount taken out of it. 

We finally escaped my band and Pete declared we were going to a waterpark.

“A waterpark? We don’t have time,” I sighed.

He frowned, “Well then we’ll go after our set.”

“It’ll probably be closed by then,” I pointed out.

“Oh,” Pete seemed to deflate, very clearly disappointed, “Fuck.”

“Hey, it’s okay, dude,” I rubbed his arm, “We have tomorrow off, we can go to a waterpark then. Although I might have to buy a bathing suit.”

He cracked up at that, for some fucking reason. I decided not to question him, I could just listen to his laughter all day.

“Alright then, Mikeyway, let’s go back to my bus. I’m sure I can clear it out.”

I scoffed, “Are you serious?”

“Deadly,” He grinned and took my hand, leading me towards his bus. He smiled at me as we walked, “So Mikeyway, what’s your deal?” His fingers brushed against mine.

“My deal? What do you mean?”

“Your life. What gets you out of bed in the morning? What makes you happy? What makes you feel alive?”

“Music,” I whispered, “Music. Listening to music. Making music. Playing music. Being on stage.  _ Music. _ ” I repeated, because I don’t think there was anything else that truly did make me feel alive, make me happy, get me out of bed in the morning. 

“Yeah me too, dude,” He nodded and for once he genuinely looked serious, “Me too. You know, it’s the only thing that keeps me going sometimes. Love can’t save you, you know? But music can. I hope so at least.” 

I squeezed his hand briefly before letting it go again. I remember reading about his suicide attempt in spring, I guessed that’s what he was referencing.

We didn’t say much else for the rest of the walk.

It turned out that he didn’t need to do much clearing. The only other person on the bus was Patrick, who was ranting excitedly about seeing some band on the Mike Stage. 

“Do you guys wanna come? They’re meant to put on a killer show,” He beamed, “I’m so bummed they’re not gonna be on the whole tour so I wanna try see them while I still can, you know? So are you coming?”

Pete made a face as he tried to disguise his grin, “Nah ‘Trick, I don’t we’re good. Well I am anyway. I’m just gonna relax and maybe jam out a bit before the show. But hey, maybe Mikeyway feels different.”

“Mikey?” Patrick turned his smile on to me.

I felt bad, “Um, no I uh- I think we’re just gonna talk bass.” It sounded dumb even as I said it. Pete actually scoffed in response to it.

But Patrick didn’t seem to mind, “Okay. Well you know where I am if you need to find me.” And then, with the happiest grin painted across his face, he headed off in the direction of the Mike Stage.

Pete hooked his arm around my waist as soon as the door shut behind Patrick. He pressed his lips against the soft skin below my jaw. I let him pull me to the back of the bus. I tried to stop when we got to the bunks but he kept on pulling me.

“Too fucking hard to do anything in a bunk,” He muttered and kissed me gently, “And there’s lots I want to do, Mikeyway. So no bunk.”

“Sure, no bunk,” I nodded and kissed him again. He groaned and pressed his entire body against mine as I fumbled to open the door to the back lounge. Eventually we slipped inside and let the door bang shut behind us. Thankfully, the blinds were already pulled in the dingy lounge so we didn’t have to part to do it. We fell back onto the couch, with Pete straddling me, and then he was kissing me as if his life depended on it. As if the whole world would crash and burn around us if he stopped kissing me.

“These glasses are so fucking adorable,” He plucked them off and tossed them onto the table, “But they’re very fucking inconvenient.” As if it wasn’t fucking hard enough to see in the dimly lit room.

I tucked my hand under his jaw, on his neck, and pulled his lips back to mine. I slipped my other hand to the small of his back and pulled him as tight against me as I possibly could. His mouth was on mine and his hands were all over, but still I wanted more. I needed more of him.

I almost instantly regretted wearing skinny jeans. They were way too constricting. Pete seemed to be having the same problem. Our tongues were desperate, hunger fueling them as they moved together, as our hands began to move, grappling with each other’s clothes, pulling each other closer. His hands slid under my t-shirt and in one swift motion he pulled away from the kiss and tugged the shirt over my head.

His fingers threaded through my hair and I found myself shocked that it didn’t annoy me.

“Mikeyway, you’re making me feel alive right now,” He said softly before he kissed me again. My mouth fell open and I pressed my hips up into him. He moaned right into my mouth, and fuck me, it was the best thing I’d ever heard.

I struggled with the zip of his hoodie, yanking it down eventually. He shrugged out of it and then his hands were on my belt. He unbuckled it quickly and rubbed against me through my jeans. He undid the button and zipper, his mouth still sloppy against mine, and reached beneath my waistband. He pulled back and looked at me, the softest smile playing on his lips.

“What?” I whispered, suddenly feeling very exposed. A part of me feared that somebody was about to jump out with a camera and tell me I’d been punked. I gulped.

“You have the most beautiful eyes,” He leaned towards me again and kissed both my eyelids, “Such fucking beautiful eyes, Mikeyway. They’re… they’re like hot whisky, you know? Hot whisky eyes.” He nodded to himself and then kissed me again, muttering about my beautiful eyes. He kissed a trail from my shoulder to my ear and back again, sucking and nipping as he went. 

That was definitely gonna leave a mark… 

“Pete,” I groaned, and yanked at the waist of his jeans. He stood and let me pull them down to his ankles before he kicked them off. And then he was pulling at mine, letting them drop to the floor and kicking them over to where the rest of our stuff was. 

I grabbed his waist then, pulling him back to me. We flopped onto the couch, me on top of him, and I moved to kiss his tattoos. I kissed along the thorns on his chest, then the bartskull on his lower stomach. His fingers knotted in my hair and then he was pulling me back up to kiss him again.

“You’re killing me here, Mikeyway,” He groaned against my lips.

I laughed and kept kissing him and he groaned again. “I’m sorry, sorry,” I muttered and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth before propping myself up on my elbows, “I need, you know- I don’t- Fuck.”

He chuckled and pressed a kiss to my neck, “Get my hoodie, baby, there’s stuff in the pocket.”

I rolled my eyes and stood, snatching the hoodie off the ground, “Oh yes, send the blind guy to go find stuff.” I felt around in his pockets and found the foil wrapper and small tube. I held them up triumphantly.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Mikeyway, just get over here and fuck me already,” He grabbed my hand and yanked me back over. I fell onto him, right between his open legs. He had the lube in his hand then and was squeezing some onto my fingers, directing my hand to where it needed to be. His mouth was on mine, desperate and urgent, and he bucked his hips when I pressed a finger into him. I moved to kiss his neck, scraping my teeth across the skin there, while I pushed in further with my fingers, dressing and stretching. Pete’s hand curled around his length and he moaned something incoherent. I kissed him again, because holy fuck he looked so beautiful lying there like that. I told him this, I had to tell him, and he laughed.

“Mikes, you’re the beautiful one,” He kissed me, long and hard, and I couldn’t help but think I’d like to stay that way forever. I wouldn’t be against spending eternity kissing Pete, with our bodies pressed against each other and listening to the soft noises he made. It was beyond perfect. He was beyond perfect.

And then I remembered that we were working on borrowed time as it was, we couldn’t waste what little time we had. 

But then again, kissing him didn’t seem like a waste of time. Maybe if we were just trying to get each other off it would be, but there was so much more between us than that.

Although getting each other off seemed like a pretty good plan.

I broke off the kiss to struggle with the condom. Eventually Pete scoffed, took the packet from my hand and ripped it open, slipping it on to me with minimal effort. He kissed me again, nodding to let me know he was ready and I actually got fucking butterflies.

“Can I smoke in here?” I asked after I retrieved my glasses. We were lying underneath a blanket, both of us still naked and kind of out of breath. But, fuck, it was great. It was undoubtedly the best sex of my life, so far at least. And lying in the back of the bus with Pete curled up around me afterward made the whole thing somehow even better.

“Sure,” His breath was hot on my shoulder. He pressed a kiss there as I moved to grab the box from my pocket. There was only one left and so I decided to use the box as an ashtray. I settled beside him then, lighting the cigarette and taking a drag before turning to look at him.

“So that was fucking great,” I couldn’t help but smile.

He grinned, “Tell me about it. This is the road to ruin, Mikeyway.” He waved his hands around.

“What?” I laughed. God, he was so strange. 

“This. Us. Sex between us.  _ Us _ ,” He urged, “You’re going to ruin me, Mikes.”

“I hope not,” I muttered. I didn’t want any of this to be ruined. 

He laughed, “Nope, it’s already happening. This is the road to ruin,” He repeated. I decided not to press him. He was strange, but I liked it. He was smiling again, “But hey, I think it’s probably worth it. It’s a sin somewhere, but I really don’t fucking care. I’m in love with my own sins.”

I leaned into him again and kissed him, slow and gentle. His hand went to my neck and he pulled me closer to him. 

“Mikey fucking Way,” He whispered against my lips, pressing soft kisses.

“Pete fucking Wentz,” I chuckled in response. 

He pulled back a little, his forehead touching mine. “Mikeyway, let’s stay here. Sex and second hand smoke and in the dark and smiles and kisses for the rest of time.”

“I think my manager would kill me,” I scoffed. I thought about it for a long moment. I could imagine locking the door and hiding out in the back of the bus with Pete. I could also imagine Gerard banging on the door until I came out because there would be no way that he’d happily let me hide away in here for the rest of time. “So would Gee,” I added.

“Okay yeah fair,” He kissed me again, “I don’t want this to be a one time thing, Mikeyway.”

“Who said it would be?” I tried to kiss him again but he pulled away.

“No, Mikeyway, I’m serious. I really don’t know how I’d deal if this was just a one night stand.”

“So am I,” I frowned, “Jesus, Pete, I’m not just gonna fuck you and then ignore you for the next two months. What kind of guy do you think I am?” I stubbed the cigarette out in the box and ran a hand through my hair. I shifted away from him, reaching for my jeans.

He grabbed my hand, “I don’t know, I just- I fucking like you, okay?”

“Nice way of showing it,” I mumbled, staring at our hands in my lap.

“I didn’t- I didn’t mean it the way it sounded, Mikes,” He sighed and shifted closer, “I think we’re more than just great sex, baby.”

“Baby?” I found myself laughing and I leaned forward to kiss him, “That’s a new one.”

He rolled his eyes, “I’m trying to be serious here, Mikeyway.”

“I know. I know, me too. This is way more than just great sex. I don’t plan on this being a one time thing. I want more than that too, okay?”

“Okay,” He kissed me, he kept kissing me and kissing me and kissing me and kissing me. And then muttering, over and over, “Okay.”

It was the road to ruin. For me. For him. For us. For everything.

We had gotten dressed, opened the windows in the back lounge and headed to the stage before anyone saw us. It was almost four thirty by the time we got there, but hey we still had time.

“You have a hickey, Wentz,” Frank said as soon as he saw us, “And Mikeyway, your zipper is down.”

I rolled my eyes but fixed my zipper as soon as Frank looked away. After checking that no one was looking, I kissed Pete’s cheek. He had told me when we were getting dressed that he had to go set up the Clandestine tent so he wouldn’t stick around for our set, but had asked that I go find him after theirs. 

“I’ll see you later, Peterpan,” I told him, offering him a half smile.

“I’m counting on it,” He smirked.

I wanted to kiss him again, properly kiss him, but I knew I couldn’t so instead I just rolled my eyes and headed for the stage.

Bunks were a shitty place to do anything, according to Pete anyway. But somehow we still decided that I should spend that night on his bus. I couldn’t think of a single reason not to.

“Here, give me that,” Pete took my jacket and phone charger from my arms and plucked the beanie off my head. “I’ll put these in my bunk.” And then he headed off towards the back of the bus, leaving me to stand awkwardly by the door.

“Hey Mikey,” Joe grinned at me from the couch, and Andy covered his mouth as he chuckled.

“Ignore them,” Patrick rolled his eyes, “Sit down if you want, we don’t bite.” He was sitting at the little table with a welcoming smile.

And so I sat down opposite him. I couldn’t help but long for the familiarity of my bus. The smell of coffee and cigarettes. Watching Gerard fail miserably at video games. Watching Ray excel at them.  _ Coffee _ . 

The bus started moving then, and I felt a small pang of nervousness. A part of me wanted to yell and scream, tell them to stop and let me get off and run back to my brother. 

But that was crazy.

Patrick smiled warmly at me, “Pete seems to really like you.”

I started to respond but then Pete was bouncing back from the bunks, grinning. He slid into the seat beside me.

“How are you liking the tour?” Patrick asked.

Pete groaned and dropped his head to my shoulder, “Trick, you sound like such a mom.”

I rolled my eyes at him and offered Patrick a smile, “Yeah man, we’re enjoying it. It’s better already this year than it was last year. No more touring in a van.”

“Oh, the van years!” He grinned, “God, I remember that. Buses seem like fucking palaces after touring in a van.”

Pete groaned again, louder this time as if he was trying to get our attention. 

I ignored him and kept my attention on Patrick, “Honestly. And like having my own space to sleep in and not, like, having to be shoved in a van with the band and all our shit is still so fucking wild. You guys are fucking great by the way. I don’t think any of us got to see you guys play last year because…”  _ Because my brother was really fucked up and we were all fucking terrified that he wouldn’t even make it through the summer.  _ “You know, just shit going on. But I watched your set and holy shit.”

Patrick looked a little sheepish, “Thanks man. That really means a lot. I mean you guys are awesome. I’m a big fan, I really like what you guys are doing and-”

Pete cut him off with a dramatic sigh, “I feel like I’ve just brought my boyfriend home to meet my mom. Or my kid brother. Stop being such a sweetheart, Trick.”

_ Boyfriend. _ Huh.

I mean, obviously I knew that he wasn’t actually calling me his boyfriend, but it was hard to ignore the way my heart raced at the thought.

How very fucking odd.

Patrick rolled his eyes, “Stop being such an attention whore, Peter.”

I laughed at that, then tried to cover it up as a cough.

“You sound like a mom,” Pete scoffed.

“I literally cannot see your mom ever calling you a whore. I mean she wouldn’t be wrong if she- Ow! Did you just kick me?”

“You just called me a whore!”

“I called you an attention whore. I only  _ implied _ you were an actual whore,” He chuckled.

Pete looked absolutely astonished, “Trick!”

“I’m kidding, I’m- Ow! Stop kicking me!”

“You’re embarrassing yourselves,” Andy called from the couch, and I couldn’t help but think he sounded like a mom.

“He called me a whore!”

“Attention whore,” Joe corrected.

Andy sighed, “He’s not wrong there.”

“Hey!” Pete tried to feign offense but his laughter gave him away. “You’re all assholes,” He decided and then flashed me a beaming smile.

And I fucking smiled back. Because he was beautiful. Because he had the best smile. Because he had brought me back to his bus and said it was like bringing his boyfriend home to meet his mom.  _ Boyfriend. _ I could definitely get used to that.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I probably should have specified that this was going to be a slow process. Like I have the entire story planned out but there's a lot to it.   
> Let me know your thoughts! Thank you for reading!


	6. Gerard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick little note: I changed my username. Finally figured out how to do that. It's not that I don't love the username I chose when I was fourteen but... you know... Also, figured out how to edit my entire profile so that's fun. I feel a little less cringey now.

“Took you long enough,” Gee grumbled as he opened the door. 

“Hey, at least we got coffee,” Mikey shrugged. He was carrying my suitcase and one of my boxes.

“I suppose you’re forgiven then,” He laughed and took the cup I offered him. I had the coffee holder carefully balanced on top of the box I was carrying, with a bag slung across either shoulder. He seemed to realise that we were both weighed down, and he took the box and coffee from me. “What took you so long?”

“I had to clear out the room and check out,” I dropped my bags and then gestured towards Mikey, “And we were talking.”

“No more trauma, I hope?”

“Meh, just the usual amount,” Mikey half smiled. He left my suitcase by the stairs as we passed through the house.

Gerard and Mikey pooled over my notes, fact-checking them, editing them and rewriting them with the proper timeline and events. It was quite surreal to see it all happen. I sat curled on the sofa with my laptop on my knee and my headphones in, listening to one of Gerard’s tapes.

+++

Mikey didn’t sleep on the bus the next night. He just arrived on the bus a few minutes before we were leaving, giggling with Pete Wentz, and pulled him with him to the bunks while shouting to us not to leave yet. How fucking weird… 

Frank followed them, so I followed Frank. What else would I do?

“You gonna abandon us, Mikes?” He teased.

My brother rolled his eyes, “Only for the night.”

“I’m stealing him,” Pete Wentz beamed at my brother. And holy fucking shit, Mikey smiled back. It wasn’t that weird little half smile that he usually did on the rare occasions that he smiled. No, it was a full blown grin. He looked ridiculously happy. 

I smiled too. How could I not when Mikey looked so damn happy? “I don’t think we’re even doing anything tomorrow, Mikey, so go ahead. Have fun, you two.”

He rolled his eyes again, and I realised the smile was reserved for Pete. He grabbed his jacket, beanie and phone charger and then the two of them headed off.

“He’s in love with him,” Frank stated quietly when they were off the bus.

“Huh.” So he was. Already. Pete Wentz was in love with my brother. My brother was in love with Pete Wentz. So fucking weird… That didn't make any fucking sense but it also made so much fucking sense.

“He seems nice,” Frankie shrugged, “I like him. He has the best friend seal of approval.” He nudged me then, almost expectantly.

I rolled my eyes, “I can’t give him my seal of approval without even speaking to him properly.”

“You’re so protective of Mikey.”

“He’s my little brother, that’s just my job.”

He nudged me again and smiled, “You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met, Gerard Way.”

I could hear Brian and Bob talking in the front of the bus, only a few paces away. And I knew that Ray was in the back lounge, and there was a very strong chance that they would see if I kissed Frank. But I did it anyway.

He seemed a little startled at first, I don’t think he was expecting it at all. But he kissed back almost immediately, melting into me. I circled my arms around his waist and he stepped back, pressing himself against the bunk wall and pulling me with him. His hands slid to my hair and-

Ray cleared his throat. He was standing in the now open doorway of the back lounge.

I leapt away from Frank, hitting my back against the bunks on the opposite side. “Ouch!” I yelped as I lost my balance.

“Gerard?” Brian called from the front of the bus, and Frank pressed his hand to his mouth to stifle his laughter. Brian appeared then and offered me a hand up, “You okay, Gerard? What happened?”

Frank and Ray sniggered to each other and I rolled my eyes, “I’m fine. I just… tripped,” I muttered feebly.

Brian frowned and sighed, “Just be careful. We’re leaving soon. Maybe you should sit down, seeing as you can’t even stay standing when we’re not moving.”

“Haha, very funny,” I scoffed, “Fuck you, Bri.”

“You too,” He grinned and then headed back to the front of the bus.

“Come look at the back!” Ray said excitedly once Brian had disappeared. 

Frank and I followed him into the back lounge which had been set up as a makeshift studio or workplace of sorts. Ray had the computer set up on the table and there was recording equipment strewn across the small space. There were instruments and some of our equipment in there too. It looked-

“Rad,” Frank grinned, “This is so fucking rad, Toro. Did you seriously get all of this done today?”

“Yep,” Toro looked awfully proud of himself, “See, I’ve got the computer set up here and we can even get fucking Internet… sometimes. I don’t really fucking know how it works but it’s pretty great, right?”

Frank looked around the room in amazement, “This is so awesome.” 

I nodded in agreement, “You’re a genius, Ray, you know that?”

His face went a little red, “Oh stop.”

We sat down and Ray showed us the set up he had, going through it with us and explaining how it would all work. I went to grab my notepad to go over some of our new stuff.

When I came back, Frank and Ray decided to strike up a bet over how long it would take Brian and Bob to figure out that Mikey was fooling around with Pete Wentz. Frank had twenty bucks on Brian still not figuring it out in a week's time, when we would be in Texas and Brian was leaving the tour for a couple weeks. He said it wouldn’t be until Brian rejoined us, when we went to Canada with the tour. Provided they last that long, of course. He bet Bob would figure it out before Brian left.

Ray had twenty bucks on Brian figuring it out before Texas, and Bob whenever he saw the two of them together. 

If either of them were told, the bet would be forfeit.

“What about us?” I asked with a laugh.

“You and Frankie?” Ray scoffed, “I give it a day. Ten bucks.”

“Tonight,” Frank picked up my notebook, “What about you, Gee?”

“Nah, I’m not wasting my money,” I laughed, “I’ll just like- I don’t know, I’ll be a referee or something. I’ll make sure Frank doesn’t stick his tongue down my throat in front of them and throw the competition or Mikey doesn’t decide to come out or something.”

Frank rolled his eyes, “Oh yes, let’s hope that your brother doesn’t decide to come out.”

“Not what I meant!” I defended myself quickly, but Frank was laughing. Clearly, he was teasing.

He flicked through the notebook, humming as he did so. “This is really good, Gee.”

Ray leaned over to look at what he was reading, “Oh I like this one,” He grinned.

I leaned into Frank as the two of them poured over the lyrics.

Bob gave us a knowing look when we went back into the main area of the bus. 

“Did Mikey tell you why he’s on the  _ Fall Out Boy _ bus, Gerard?” Brian asked as we sat down.

I shrugged, not sure what to say without fucking up the wager Ray and Frank had going. 

“I think he’s just hanging out with them,” Frank offered, and I could see he was trying not to laugh. “You know, talking bass with Wentz and… stuff.”

“They’re cool guys,” Brian didn’t even try to hide his delight.  _ Fall Out Boy  _ were kinda cool, I guess, I didn’t really know them. But I liked them already purely for the fact that they were being kind to Mikey. That put them pretty high up in my opinion. 

I scooped my sketchpad off the table and propped it on my knee as I rooted through my pencil case. Frank peered over, still with that mischievous grin of his.

“I wonder what other stuff they’re doing,” Ray smirked and Frank lost it. He cracked up laughing, his hand pressed over his mouth as if he could push the laughter back in. It was so fucking adorable. 

“Well at least Mikey is being social,” Brian commented, shooting me a pointed look as if I was the one laughing.

Frank flopped against me, “Gee’s plenty social. You’re just mean.”

He scoffed, “Please. None of you are social.”

Bob nodded, “Can’t argue with that.” He frowned as he watched Frank scooch closer to me on the couch. 

I flicked to a blank page in my sketchpad and started sketching Frank. He beamed and dropped his hand to my leg, squeezing gently.

Bob still eyed us. Frank didn’t seem to notice.

“Hey, can you draw me as, like, a ghost or something?” He leaned his head on my shoulder.

I laughed, “A ghost? Really?”

He shrugged, “Something cool. Ooh, wait I know. Frankenstein!” He exclaimed excitedly.

“Okay,” I nodded and flicked to a different page, deciding I’d return to the little sketch of him later. “Frankenstein it is.”

He watched me as I drew, not speaking, simply cuddled into me and smiling. I glanced between him and the paper. I didn’t need to look at his face as I drew him but it certainly helped, and I wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity to look at him. I didn’t speak, but I did sing under my breath and after a while Frankie sang along with me.

Brian excused himself to the toilet as I started to work on the background and Bob chose then to speak up.

“Toro, are you seeing this?” 

Ray grunted and glanced over at us, “What am I meant to be seeing?”

Bob narrowed his eyes and I tried to stay focused on the drawing. Frank sat up slightly. 

“You guys are hooking up, aren’t you?”

“What makes you say that?” Frank glared for some fucking reason and I dropped my pen with a sigh and glanced up. Huh, so maybe that’s why Frank was glaring. Bob didn’t exactly look accepting.

“You’re  _ cuddling _ ,” He pointed out.

“And so what?” Frank was sounding awfully confrontational, and I couldn’t blame him.

Bob held up his hands, “Chill, Frankie. I wasn’t trying to start on you, I was just curious.”

Frank’s mouth went into a hard line, but he stayed silent and let Bob continue.

“I just thought you guys might have gotten together,” He shrugged, “I mean, I’m not trying to offend you but you guys have always seemed- Toro, help me out.”

Ray glanced over again, “I think you got this.”

Bob sighed, “I just always thought you guys were… you know. I thought you were into each other. And it looked like maybe- I don’t know. It looked like maybe something had happened.”

“Oh God,” Ray began to cackle, “You’ll get there eventually, Bryar.”

Frank settled against me once more, patting his pockets until he found a box of cigarettes. He offered me one, which I accepted with a grateful smile.

“Wait are you guys- Are you?” Bob pressed, looking quite concerned.

Frank laughed and took a drag, “Are we what?”

“You are!” Bob exclaimed, “I can fucking tell! You are! I’ve been saying it for the past year, man. Mikey’s gonna freak. Toro, they’re together!”

“I know,” Ray rolled his eyes, “I’ve known since last night.”

I frowned, “I thought you only knew since this morning?”

He shrugged, “I guessed last night. It was confirmed this morning.”

“What was confirmed?” Brian returned from the toilet.

“Oh um,” Ray looked over to Frank and I with wide eyes.

“Um,” Frank stared at Brian for a moment then focused on his cigarette. I went back to my drawing.

“Ah,” Brian chuckled, “Gerard and Frank finally hooked up?”

I fucking choked, causing Ray to make a joke about how I should probably quit smoking. Asshole.

“Well?” Brian raised an eyebrow.

“How the fuck did everyone fucking expect this?” Frank fucking giggled, and it was quite possibly the cutest thing I had ever heard. “Were we really that obvious?”

“Today or in the past four years?” Ray scoffed.

“Fuck you, Toro,” Frank laughed, “If it was so fucking obvious, how come we never noticed?”

“You’re both dumb as fuck,” Bob laughed as he fished his phone out of his pocket, “Mikey is gonna freak.”

“Mikey already knows, dumbass,” Ray rolled his eyes then he looked at Frank, “I guess you win this one.”

He shrugged, tucking his head against my shoulder and looking incredibly smug, “I knew I would.”

I didn’t have to ask Frank to sleep in my bunk, he just climbed in when he decided to go to bed. I watched in amazement as he wiggled out of his pants and t-shirt and then tossed them to me.

“Will you throw them into my bunk?” He asked as he pulled my comforter over himself.

“Oh, yeah, sure,” I balled them up and pulled back the curtain on his bunk, flinging them in. And then I stared at my bunk and the half naked boy in it.

It wasn’t like I hadn’t seen him  _ naked _ before. I mean, we had lived in a van together. We had toured together. And it was messy and I’d seen parts of all of the band that I didn’t necessarily need to see. That’s just what it was like being on tour and living in such small spaces with a band. And I didn’t really mind.

But this was different. This was so completely different. 

Especially when he was looking at me  _ like that _ .

He was waiting for me, curled into the corner of the bunk and giving me the softest of smiles. He tapped the space beside him, “Come on, Gee, I’m not gonna bite. Well, unless you want me to.”

I scoffed, but I felt my cheeks redden. 

“Oh God!” Ray pulled back his curtain and stuck his head out, “I swear to God, if the two of you start making sex noises, I’m kicking you off the bus!” And then he pulled the curtain shut, “I mean it!”

“What do you think of us, Raymond?” Frank laughed, then stuck his hand out, “Come on, Gee,” He sighed and patted the mattress again.

I climbed in next to him and he leaned over me to pull the curtain shut. I forgot how to breath. 

“Hey,” He smiled as he draped his leg across mine.

“Is this weird?” I whispered and his face fell.

“You think this is weird? I, um- Fuck. I just- I thought- Fuck, I sound like Mikey. Fuck.”

I laughed, “You do a little bit.”

He sighed, “You really think this is weird?”

“Well, yeah, don’t you? I mean, we’ve known each other for years and now… Now you’re sleeping in my bunk.”

“We’ve shared beds before, Gee,” He pointed out. 

“I know. I know. But this is different. You know?”

“How?” He propped himself up on his elbow.

I felt incredibly rigid as I lay there staring up at him, “We don’t know how this is going to work out. I mean, do we hide it? Do we come out? What happens if it doesn’t work out? What about the band? Frankie, this is about more than just us, you know? And I feel like I’ve been waiting so long for this to happen, and now that it finally has I just don’t know what to do.”

The ghost of a smile played across his lips, “I know. Okay, I get it. But you’re looking too far ahead. We focus on seeing how it plays out. And don’t freak out about whether this works out or not. Fuck, Gerard, I’ve been in love with you for years, this is going to work out. I’ll make damn sure of it. And if by some fucking insane tragedy it doesn’t work out, then at least we gave it a shot, you know? I love you too much to let this make or break us. If it works out, then that’s fucking amazing, and I guess even if it doesn’t then we still tried it and we won’t let it ruin us. Just stop freaking out, because now you’re the one sounding like Mikey.”

_ I’ve been in love with you for years _ . 

I was kissing him before I could even register anything. I reached up to cup his cheeks and his lips were on mine. His hands slipped under my t-shirt and he shifted-

“Ow!” He yelped and I clamped a hand over my mouth as he rubbed the back of his head. “Don’t laugh, asshole!” He ruined his argument by laughing himself. 

“Are you okay?” I couldn’t suppress my laughter so I ended up not sounding too concerned.

“Asshole,” He flopped down, still rubbing at the back of his head.

_ I’ve been in love with you for years. _ That was crazy to even think about. I just- He was in love with me. He had been in love with me for years. He was still in love with me.

“Frankie,” I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his again.

He pulled back, “I physically cannot do anything in a bunk. And I’m a fucking midget. So you know.”

“I just want to kiss you,” I did so, “Well, obviously I want to do a lot more than just kiss you, but I don’t really want to do it with Ray literally like a metre away.”

Frank laughed, “Okay, yeah that’s fair. Are we in a hotel when we get to Missouri?” He tucked his head onto my shoulder.

I shrugged, “No fucking clue. Frank?”

“Hmm?” He smiled and pressed a kiss to my neck.

“You said- Frankie, did you mean it?”

He pulled away and let his head flop onto my pillow. I turned to lie on my side and my nose brushed against his. He smiled, “Did I mean what? That you sound like Mikey? Well, yeah, you do a little bit when you freak out. Or that no matter how this plays out we’ll still be friends? Because I meant that too. Of course I do,” His nose brushed against mine again as he pressed closer to me, wrapping his arms around me and kissing me softly open-mouthed, soft lipped kisses. “Like I said, Gee, I love you. Whether that’s like this or as my friend or as a musician, I love you. And I love this band. So even though I’ve been madly in love with you for years - and yes, I meant that too - and I can’t see myself ever not being madly in love with you, I won’t let that destroy this band. I love the band and so do you and we’re not gonna let anything happen to it, okay?”

I kissed him again, pulling him tight against me. His lips parted under mine almost instantly and I could feel heat pooling in my stomach under his touch. My whole body tingled, I could feel his touch everywhere. My hands were wandering over the smooth skin on his chest, and I decided that we needed a hotel. I wanted to lay him out on a bed, have him bare underneath me, and I wanted to kiss each of his tattoos, I wanted to touch every inch of him. His hands slipped under my t-shirt again and he pulled away slightly.

“Need to get this off,” He muttered against my lips, and I hesitated as he lifted my shirt. He noticed, of course he noticed, and he wiggled around to drop a kiss to my chest, “Don’t you get it, Gerard? You’re fucking beautiful. So fucking beautiful.” I pulled him back to me and kissed him again before I struggled out of the t-shirt with his help. And then he was crawling on top of me, careful not to hit his head on the top of the bunk again, his legs tangling with mine and our hands exploring each other. He pressed against me in the small space, his body completely glued to mine. His chest felt cool against mine. There was a low groan in the back of his throat when my fingers pressed into his hip. And- Oh fuck me, he was hard.

Fuck stupid fucking tiny fucking bunks. Fuck bunks. Stupid fucking bunks.

My stomach fluttered as I felt him start to grind against me, and I bit his lip to shut myself up. This only resulted in a loud moan coming from him and I couldn’t help but groan in response. His fingers moved across my neck and then into my hair, knotting in it and tugging slightly. His body seemed to melt against mine and his kiss pulled every part of me in. I was coming to life and falling apart beneath him. Our hips moved together, and I think he whispered something against my lips. His lips crushed against mine and it felt as if we were kissing as if our lives depended on it. Maybe they did. But all I knew was that I wanted a lot more than to just kiss him. And the way he was grinding against me certainly didn’t help.

Stupid tiny fucking bunks.

I asked Brian about hotels almost first thing the next morning. First thing, I made out some more with Frank - which was fucking amazing - then I made a coffee and texted Mikey. Then I asked Brian.

“Not today,” He told me with a yawn.

“When?” I pressed.

He scratched his head, looking like a cartoon character in deep thought, “I’m not sure. I think one of the days in Texas. In Dallas, I think? Or maybe New Mexico. I can't fucking remember.”

I sighed and flopped down onto the seat at the table, across from Ray. 

“Have you heard from Mikey?” Brian asked.

“Nope.”

Ray laughed, “Jeez, Bri, give the guy some time. It’s only nine thirty. He might still be sleeping.”

Frank came out from the bunks then, yawning and stretching as he walked over to sit next to me. He was still just wearing his shorts and I couldn’t help but be in awe of how beautiful he looked.  _ Mine mine mine mine mine. _

He smiled at me and took my distraction as his opportunity to grab my mug.  _ Asshole _ . He looked over to Brian, flashing his butter-wouldn’t-melt smile, “So what’s on the agenda for today, Bri?”

“Day off today, kids,” He used his dad's voice, “But seriously, find Mikey.” He shot me a pointed look at that and Frank chortled.

“I don’t have a telepathic connection to him!” I argued.

“Well…” Ray raised an eyebrow and gestured.

“You do kinda though,” Frank gave me a little nudge.

I rolled my eyes, “I texted him. Do you need him back?” I may not have had a telepathic connection to my brother, but I was fairly certain that I knew him well enough to know that he wouldn’t be happy if he was dragged home. 

“Well… no,” Brian muttered.

I sighed, “Then let the kid have fun.”

Frank laughed again, and I just fucking knew he was thinking something inappropriate about my brother and Pete Wentz. I rolled my eyes again and muttered, “Pervert.” He cracked up, giggling so hard that he snorted into the coffee cup at his lips. It was disgustingly cute.

+++

Gerard poked his head into the living room and I immediately paused the tape. For some reason, I felt embarrassed, as if I had been caught doing something I shouldn’t be doing. I was glad for the headphones, I wasn't sure he'd want to hear himself talking about how cute Frank Iero looked laughing into a cup of coffee.

He offered me a wide smile, “I have the office set up if you want to move in there. There’s a couch in there too, if you, like, vibe more working on a couch.”

I laughed at that as I shut my laptop and stood. 

Whoever said never meet your heroes clearly didn’t have a hero like Gerard.

“I can vibe with a desk chair,” I shrugged.

“What are you listening to?” He asked, gesturing to my headphones.

“One of your tapes actually,” I told him. “I- Uh. I’ve been, like, trying to start writing it.”

“How’s it going?”

“Not as well as I would have hoped,” I confessed, “I mean, we’ve done a lot of talking but there’s not as much information as I would have thought.”

“My bad,” He sounded genuinely apologetic, “Mikes and I both tend to space out.”

“Or get distracted,” I followed him into the office. Mikey glanced up and nodded in greeting.

Gee nodded, “Or want more coffee. So I‘m guessing you’re gonna need more interviews?”

“Probably. But I’ll work with what I’ve got for now, between that and the notes you're doing I should be okay.”

“Oh okay. Well I was gonna book us some flights to New Jersey and Mikey just got off the phone with Toro but-”

I cut him off, “New Jersey? You mean- Gerard, we’re going to see Frank?”

Mikey chuckled, “He’s come around to the idea.”

Gerard tried to look casual, “I mean, why not? And Mikey told Ray, who said he’d be willing to talk to you if you needed his help. So we’re gonna- Um. Mikey is gonna-”

Mikey took over, “I’m gonna call Frank later and tell him I’m gonna be in Jersey next week. I’ll see if he wants to meet.”

“You’re not gonna tell him about me? Will you tell him Gerard is coming too? Wait- Next week?”

Gerard nodded, “Yep. I’m gonna go make coffee.” He headed off then, looking quite stressed.

“I think it’s best if we leave a bit of a surprise, you know? And uh-” Mikey lowered his voice, “I texted Pete.”

“Oh.  _ Oh _ ,” I widened my eyes, “Oh, I… wasn’t expecting that. What did he say?”

He shook his head, “Nothing yet. I literally just sent it.” He waved his phone in the air.

“Oh.” I wasn’t really sure what else to say.

+++

Mikey did return that day, not too long after Brian had been asking after him. But by the time he came back, Frank and I were the only ones on the bus. We had been excited about having a bus to ourselves until my brother burst in like a bat out of hell with Pete Wentz trailing along behind him. Mikey rushed through the bus and down to the bunks without uttering a word.

“We’re going to a waterpark,” Pete told us, as if that fucking explained everything. 

Apparently it was enough for Frank though, because he headed after Mikey, yelling something about swim trunks.

And leaving me alone with Pete fucking Wentz. I knew I had to do the fucking speech. The  _ if-you-hurt-my-brother _ speech, but I didn’t even know where to begin. He seemed nice, but I didn’t want him to think he had my trust that easily.

“We’re going to a waterpark,” He said again and I had to resist the urge to roll my eyes. Mikey would definitely fucking kill me for being so rude.

I glanced at him, standing there acting all smug with a big dumb smirk on his face and I knew he was a nice guy, of course I did, but I also fucking knew that he would break Mikey’s heart.

I was taller than him, but even still I tried to stand a little straighter. I knew I didn’t look intimidating at all, in my women’s cut pyjama pants and old  _ Star Wars _ t-shirt, but I had to fucking try.

“Are you fucking with my brother?” 

His smirk fell and his eyes widened, “What? No! Well, yeah. I don’t wanna lie. But it’s only been a couple times. So far. It’s been great, I-”

“No!” It was almost impossible to keep my voice low, “No! Are you fucking  _ with  _ him? Dude, come on. I don’t wanna know about his sex life from you. Gross.”

“Oh,” Pete turned a deep red, “Oh fuck. Oh. No, no, of course I’m not.”

“I have to ask, you know? Because if you’re planning on fucking him over, walk away now. I will fucking kill you. I might not be intimidating but Frank sure as hell fucking is, and he’ll help me. You hurt Mikey and you deal with me. And I’m not gonna be fucking nice about it, okay?”

He looked shocked as he nodded.

“Good. I mean it, Wentz. He’s my little brother and I don’t want to see him get hurt. So walk the fuck away if you’re going to, because I swear to God I’ll kill you. I’ll get you and it’ll look like an accident. You seem like a nice guy, but just know that none of us will let you get away with hurting Mikey, alright?” That seemed sufficient enough. I didn’t have it in me for much more.

“Did you… Did you just quote  _ The Cat in the Hat _ ?” He looked like he was trying not to laugh.

And I did. I fucking did. I quoted  _ The Cat in the Hat _ in my speech. How the fuck did I manage that?

I shrugged and flopped down onto the couch, “Give me a break. I’m not very good with threatening people. I’ve never really had to do it. Sit down, you’re making me uncomfortable just standing there. You want a smoke?”

He sat down next to me and shook his head, “Nah, man, I don’t smoke. I can’t fucking believe you threatened me with a line from a Dr Seuss movie,” He started laughing, “I’ve been threatened and warned off many times in my life but never like that.”

I shrugged, “I didn’t even realise until you said it.” But I was laughing too. 

“Mikeyway’s great,” He said after a long moment. I nodded in agreement because Mikey was fucking great. Pete continued, “He’s like- Fuck, man, he’s like the greatest person I’ve ever met.”

I found myself smiling at that. Pete Wentz definitely didn’t seem like an asshole. He seemed to really like Mikey, and that kind of made me like him. Maybe he wasn’t that bad.

“Okay,” Mikey reappeared with a backpack slung over his shoulder, “I have my shit.” He had also changed his clothes, but I supposed that wasn’t exactly relevant.

Frank was stood behind him, with a big dumb grin and I couldn’t help but think that he had definitely been up to no good.

“Will you cover for me with Brian?” Mikey asked as he made his way over to Pete’s side. 

Frank fell onto the couch, dropping his head onto my lap, “Dude, just go have fun. Enjoy the waterpark.” And then he winked for some fucking reason. I frowned.

Mikey flipped him off, “Fuck you. And tell Ray the lounge looks awesome, please! I’ll be back later,” He grabbed Pete’s hand and tugged him towards the door.

“Nice talking to you, Gee!” Pete laughed.

“You too!” I called after him and then looked at the boy lying on my lap, “Is waterpark like a code for something?”

He giggled, “You’re so adorable, Gee. No, waterparks aren’t a code for anything.”

“Pete told me they’ve had sex.”

“Fuck, I know,” He looked genuinely annoyed, “I can’t believe they beat us.”

I laughed, “It’s not a competition.”

He rolled his eyes, “Well yeah, I know that but still. They fucking beat us.”

“Wait, how did you know?”

He plucked the cigarette from between my fingers and took a pull from it. “Mikey told me. We share things. How did you know?”

“Pete let slip. Mikey fucking told you?”

“Yeah.” The little fucker looked awfully smug. “We share things,” He repeated.

“What fucking things?”

“We talk about our feelings.” He wiggled his way into sitting on my lap and reached over for the ashtray on the table, stubbing out my cigarette. Then he leaned down to kiss me. “And I love Mikey, truly I do. But we have a free bus right now, Gerard, and I don’t want to waste that talking about your brother getting laid.”

Oh fuck. He was fucking right.

I cupped the back of his neck and pulled his lips back to mine. “I love you,” I whispered as his lips brushed mine. 

They were words I had uttered to him hundreds of times over the years, it wasn’t as if it was the first time I was saying it. 

But this was different, this was so different. 

I didn’t just love him, I was in love with him. 

“Oh Gee,” He sighed and-

+++

“This better be fucking good,” I shot Mikey a glare as he shifted closer to me and cleared his throat. Gerard had left to go to the bathroom and it seemed that Mikey was taking this as his opportunity.

“Well aren’t you a delight?” He muttered dryly, then sighed, “I thought you’d want to know that he replied.” Then he slid his phone into my hand.

**_mikeyway:_ ** _ hey, sld hang soon? _

I rolled my eyes, “Really? That was it?”

“Shut up,” He rolled his eyes, “Just… read.”

I glanced back to the phone and my heart swelled at the fact that he still had him in his contacts as ‘ _ peterpan _ ’. It was unnecessarily adorable.

**_peterpan:_ ** _ mikeyway! so good to hear from you dude. it’s been too long. sld hang is needed! when you free? _

“Why haven’t you responded?” I frowned.

“When are you free?”

I raised an eyebrow, “Me?”

“Well yeah, I’m meeting him for you,” He shrugged and took the phone from me. “Does it suit you to meet him before we go to New Jersey? Or do you want to meet Frank first?”

“It really doesn’t matter. This whole thing is kind of all I’ve got going for me right now so… I’m kind of permanently free.”

“You’re a weird kid,” He decided then started tapping his phone. I heard the whoosh sound as the text went through. Then he looked at me with wide eyes, “I’m fucking nervous.”

“That’s understandable,” I laughed lightly.

“No, no,” He sighed, “I’m never usually like this. I mean we’ve sort of stayed friends and when we do text I never overthink what I send but now- Will you please check it? Does it sound dumb? Fuck I feel like I sound dumb.”

I took the phone and read over the text he had just sent.

**_mikeyway:_ ** _ out of town from next week and not sure when i’ll be back. lunch thurs?  _

“Dude, what’s dumb about that? Also you better buy me lunch.”

He ignored that. “You really don’t think it’s dumb?”

I smiled, “Of course it isn’t dumb, Mikeyway.” The phone buzzed in my hand and Mikey instantly pressed closer to read Pete’s response. Our heads bent together and I felt like I was fourteen again.

**_peterpan:_ ** _ thursday is great! pick the place and i’ll be there. can’t wait to see you sld ;) _

“A winky face is a good sign,” I muttered instantly, “A winky face is always a good sign.”

“We’re not looking for good signs,” He insisted, “And that’s just how Pete texts. It doesn’t mean anything. I’m not looking for it to mean anything. I’m doing this for you.”

“Doing what for her?” Gerard reappeared, with a fresh mug of coffee in one hand.

I panicked instantly, feeling my cheeks redden. I knew if I even tried to come up with something, Gerard would see right through me.

Mikey shrugged, “Oh you know, the normal. Dragging up past traumas, opening old wounds. Usual vibes for a Friday morning.” 

His brother rolled his eyes, “It’s like almost six PM. I think that’s a little past morning, don’t you?”

+++

Frank sighed against my mouth, “Oh Gee.” He began to grind down against me, rushed and urgent. And as much as I wanted to savour the moment, I knew we didn’t have the luxury of time on our side. 

“Come on,” I muttered, pushing him up. Someone could walk in at any moment. It wasn’t a good idea to be on the couch while doing this.

He hopped up quickly, seeming to have the same idea and grabbed my hand, pulling me up with him. I led him through the bus.

“Fuck,” He cursed, and dropped his head onto my shoulder. The couch in the back lounge was covered in equipment, so was the floor. Fuck indeed. “Fuck fucking Ray and his fucking geniusness. Fuck his fucking studio. Fuck.” 

I laughed and leaned in to kiss him, pushing him back against the wall. He moaned into my mouth and his arms looped around my neck. 

And then he was leaping up, wrapping his legs around my waist and letting me take his weight. I stumbled slightly but caught my footing, using the wall to take some of his weight. I moved to kiss his neck, to kiss the scorpion on his neck that I’d been wanting to kiss for fucking years. I grazed my teeth across it before moving to just above it, and sucking on the skin below his ear. He moaned, knotted his fingers in my hair and squeezed his legs tighter around me. 

“I need to do more than this,” He whimpered, “I don’t care if it’s on the fucking floor, Gee, I cannot wait any longer.”

“The floor?” I laughed and licked at that mark I had just made.

“I’ve waited long enough,” He pulled my lips to his and before I knew it we were on the floor. 

Turns out I had waited long enough too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did anyone watch Pass-Through Frequencies with Gerard? Ugh, my heart hurts. He's so fucking adorable.  
> Also, yes I am very aware that this is a shitty chapter but I'm building the story. I have like a whole plan, and this is gonna be a long ass fic too by the way. Currently I've written around 90k words and I'm not even anywhere close to be finished... So that's gonna be fun. Also, the next Gerard chapter is one that I absolutely love - quite possibly one of my favourite chapters so far. So I'm pretty excited about you all getting to read that.  
> Quick side note: I'm starting college on Tuesday so if the updates slow a little bit from now on then that's why. I'm gonna try to stay on top of things but I just want to let everyone know that if I start to disappear that's why.   
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter!


	7. Mikey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chlorine kissed summer skin...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Spooky Season! I hope everyone has a good Spooky Season, and please please stay safe with whatever you decide to do to celebrate. I guess October is the excuse I'm using for updating early this week? Idk...   
> Hey, also, I started college this week and I can safely say that I've now officially completed my first week of college!  
> Anyway... Here's the chapter!!!

“When is it too soon to ask about  _ Infinity On High _ ?” I leaned forward, placing my elbows on the desk and tucking my hands under my chin.

We had set up our workspace in Gerard’s office and had been spending most of the day going between here and the kitchen.

Gerard cackled as Mikey blushed. He started to stammer, “I um- What? No, I- It’s not- Why would you- I-”

“Okay,” I laughed too, “Okay so too soon.” _Moving on..._

He took a minute to compose himself, “No, no, it’s not too soon. It’s just…” He sighed and cast a glance over to his brother.

Gerard rolled his eyes, “Okay, I get it. You don’t want to talk about your summer of gay sex in front of your brother. I’ll take the fucking hint,” He stood and ruffled Mikey’s hair with a chuckle, “Let me know if you need me.” He gathered up a stack of notes and left the office. I was almost certain he was humming  _ Hum Hallelujah  _ as he left. I couldn’t help but laugh.

Mikey slid my recorder across the table and gestured to it with that coy half smile of his.

I nodded and began to set it back up. I hesitated before starting, “Can I ask you something?” 

“Sure.”

“Why do you think Frank and Gerard’s story is more important than yours and Pete’s?”

He rubbed his face, “That’s a tough one, kid. I guess it’s how it ended on both sides. And, you know, maybe because I feel a lot of guilt over it.”

“What?” I frowned, “Why?”

He shrugged, “They were still together when Pete and I broke things off, and I was so heartbroken. I guess they kinda- I don’t know, maybe they didn’t want to be in my face with their love or maybe they thought that because things didn’t work with us that it wouldn’t work for them. I don’t really know. Gerard never told me. But I do know that I have to take some responsibility for it.  _ Love can’t save you _ , right? But I think theirs was… I don’t know. Fuck. I just- Let Gerard explain everything, then you’ll see.” He reached over and pressed the button on the recorder, then cleared his throat and started to speak.

+++

“Aquaport?” I laughed as I tried to get the DVD player to work. The ones in our bunks weren’t this fancy, but they were a lot fucking easier to use. 

It was around seven in the morning. Pete had woken me a little while before that when he had started to toss and turn and mumble in his sleep. He had been having a nightmare and I hadn’t been sure what to do, other than wake him up to hold him and tell him I was here for him.

I never really knew what to do when people had nightmares. Gerard got them quite a bit, and so did I when I was younger. He used to sit up all night with me talking and reading comic books when I had them as a kid, and when he got older and life got worse for him our roles reversed. So that was the only way I could think to look after Pete.

Well, that and making out - which was pretty exciting when we were lying together, naked in a tiny space. That was fucking great. 

He had cuddled into my side then and clung onto me, as if he half expected me to disappear, and then declared that we should watch  _ The Nightmare Before Christmas _ . 

So that was how I was fiddling with a dumb, expensive bunk DVD player at seven in the morning.

“Aquaport,” Pete repeated, as if in agreement. He had his arms wrapped around me from behind and his cheek pressed against my back. His breath was soft against my skin and he was breathing in sync with me, seemingly focusing on the rhythm of my breath to calm himself. For some fucking reason it filled me with the strangest, warm feeling. It made me feel soft and my heart felt all fluttery and warm. “It’s a waterpark. I looked it up and it’s only like ten minutes away from the venue.” I could feel his lips moving against my skin as he spoke. “It’s a fucking waterpark, Mikeyway. Do you know how fun that would be?” My heart swelled at the way he spoke, so raw and gentle. So open, vulnerable even. I almost shuddered.

I finally got the slot for the DVD player to open and I popped in the disk. I handed Pete the remote and we settled back against the pillows, the two of us pressed together in the small space.

“A fucking waterpark, Mikes,” He whispered against my shoulder as the trailers began to play. We didn’t bother to skip them.

“You really want to go to a waterpark, don’t you?” I chuckled, “If you want to go, we can go. I’ll text my brother at a more reasonable hour and get him to cover for me with Brian.”

“Is he okay with you being here with me?”

I frowned, “Who? Brian?”

“No, Gerard.”

“Why wouldn’t he be?”

Pete shifted so he could look at me and his face was lit up by the dull glow coming from the miniature TV. “His brother is with another guy. Not everyone is cool with that.”

A laugh burst out of me before I could even try to contain it. “You think Gerard- Oh God!” I giggled, fucking giggled, “Dude, Gerard is like very fucking gay himself. I would bet my fucking bass that he is cuddled up in his bunk with Frank right now. Of course he doesn’t mind! I mean, he might not like you yet because he likes to play the tough big brother act but really, he’s the last person who’d have a problem with me being with you.”

“Oh,” Pete’s eyes had widened a considerable amount, “ _ Oh _ . Him and Frank, huh? I can’t say I’m surprised, but honestly I didn’t see it coming, you know?”

I laughed again and kissed his temple, “You’re fucking adorable.”

He rolled his eyes and was about to respond when the menu popped up for the movie. He grinned and excitedly pressed play. He settled against me then, his eyes bright as he focused on the small screen.

It was then I realised that he might have been the most beautiful person I’d ever seen. It was a strange thought, but it was true. He was undoubtedly the most beautiful person I had ever been with, and not just because of his looks. He was gorgeous, inarguably the most attractive man I’d ever met, but he was also kind and funny and witty and poetic. He was tough and protective, but soft and gentle. And there was just something about him. About the way he smiled, and the way he made me smile. And the way his body fit so perfectly against mine. And I thought, for the first time in my whole life, that maybe this was something I might want. 

It was so odd. For the briefest of moments I got a flash of a life I knew would never be mine. I saw myself in a bed with Pete, in a room that was ours in a house we shared. Never having to sleep alone again. Being there for him when he screamed in his sleep and woke up in a sweat. Spending the rest of my life being able to kiss him whenever I wanted to. Handing out candy to kids on Halloween, wearing dumb matching couples costumes. Spending Thanksgiving with each other’s families and waking up together on Christmas morning. Exchanging gifts under a tree in a house that was ours and having family Christmases together. Kissing each other at midnight every New Years. Knowing that each coming year we’d get to spend it together. Getting a dog together. Cuddles on the couch and watching dumb TV shows together. 

What a beautiful thought.

I shook it off quickly though because it was completely insane. I didn’t even know how long this thing was going to last with Pete. I barely knew the guy and I really fucking doubted that either of us could ever have a life like that - with each other or other people. It didn’t seem like a possibility.

He started to sing along to  _ This Is Halloween _ and I laughed along with him.

“Come on, Mikeyway,” He nudged my chin with his nose, “You gotta sing too.”

I didn’t know the words but I could kind of make my way through the chorus and the song was catchy enough that it was easy to pick it. And it was so worth it for how it made Pete smile.

“I fucking love Tim Burton,” He told me happily.

I smiled, “I know.” I traced my finger along the tattoo on his arm.

He tucked his head into the crook of my neck, tilted at an angle that couldn’t be comfortable so that he could see the screen. 

“This might be the cutest thing I’ve ever done,” He kissed my neck, a soft gentle kiss.

“Naked cuddles in a shitty bunk with a guy you just met?”

He scoffed, “Way to ruin the romance, Mikes.” He somehow managed to shift even closer to me and his hand began to trail down.

“I thought you were trying to be romantic,” I chuckled.

He began to suck and kiss my neck, laughing lightly as he did so, “You want me to stop?”

“Fuck no,” I groaned and thrusted against him, and he grinned delightly.

We watched the movie right until the end, kissing each other, making out and giving sloppy handjobs throughout it. And then, almost right after the credits rolled, Pete passed out again. 

I was wide awake though, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep anytime soon. It was around eight thirty at this point so I didn’t really see much point in trying to get any more sleep. I’d just have to get some coffee. And I was kind of hungry. I was sure Pete wouldn’t mind if I went and looked for coffee.

I grabbed my glasses from the pouch where Pete had tucked them away and slipped them on. Then I felt around the bottom of the bunk for my pants, which I pulled on, and I found a t-shirt belonging to Pete too. Then I wiggled my way out of the bunk without waking Pete. I was pretty proud of myself for that one. 

I was sure to stay quiet as I possibly could as I headed towards the front of the-

“Fuck!” I jumped when I saw Patrick sitting at the booth, nursing a mug of coffee. 

He chuckled, “Morning, Mikey.”

“Fuck me,” I muttered, raking a hand through my hair, “Fuck. Hi. Sorry- Hi. No- Good morning, Patrick. Hey. Sorry.” I hovered awkwardly by the entrance to the bunks.

He gestured to the kitchenette, “There’s coffee in the Coffee Maker if you want some. Help yourself, man. Sorry if I frightened you.”

I made a beeline for the coffee, “It’s okay. I just- I wasn’t expecting anyone else to be up. It’s still pretty early.” I found a clean mug and filled it with the coffee.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure everyone is still asleep. Where’s Pete?”

“Asleep,” I couldn’t help but smile at the thought of him curled up in the bunk. And I had that horrible intrusive thought of our life together yet again. I saw Pete lying in bed - in our bed - next to me, wrapped in blankets and sheets, fast asleep on the pillow next to me. I saw his beautiful eyes looking up at me, sleepy but full of love. The two of us curled around each other and knowing we could always sleep comfortably, side by side. Lazy kisses. Pete would never have to worry about nightmares or night terrors because I’d chase them all away. I’d protect him. And I’d be there for him when things got bad. I’d help him. I could imagine not wanting to leave him in the mornings when I had to get up and go to work or whatever and he’d lie in bed, curled up like he was right now in the bunk, and I’d kiss him goodbye as I left, knowing he’d be there when I got home. 

Patrick pulled me from my strange vision. “Was he- Uh. I heard some moving around a while ago and-”

_ Shit shit shit shit shit. He fucking heard us. Fucking Patrick fucking Stump heard Pete and I fucking doing shit and- Oh fuck. _

He continued, oblivious to my inner turmoil, “And I was gonna make sure he was okay because I know how he gets with nightmares, but then I realised you were there for him and I didn’t want to make things awkward. Was he okay?”

I tried not to sigh with relief, “Yeah, man, he was- Uh.” I couldn’t exactly tell him that we made out, watched a Tim Burton movie and I gave him what he described as  _ the best handjob of his life _ and then he fell back asleep while we cuddled. I didn’t exactly think that was the answer Patrick needed to hear. I cleared my throat, “We watched a movie and then he fell back asleep. He seemed okay. He didn’t really wanna talk about it.” I moved to sit across from him.

Worry was written across Patrick’s face. “He gets them a lot.”

“Nightmares?” I took a gulp of coffee.

He nodded, “Yeah. He’s been through a lot. Some nights are worse than others. I guess I’m not really used to someone else being here to help pick up the pieces.”

“I’m here as long as he wants me.”  _ Oh _ . I hadn’t even thought that myself, but here I was saying it. I guess I did want to stick around. I guess it wasn’t so insane to think of a f- Nope. No. I’m not going there. That was just a weird thought provoked by a lack of sleep and… I don’t know, morning horniness I guess. It wasn’t an actual possibility.

But there it was again. Kissing him in our kitchen while I waited for the coffee machine to be ready. Cooking together. Having Gee and Frank over for dinner. Having all our friends over for a housewarming party when we first move in. Having a music room that we could share. Comic books and movie posters and records lining the walls throughout the house. 

Patrick pulled me from my daydream yet again. “I’m his best friend, Mikey. You’re a cool guy and I get that you and Pete are amazed by each other right now but-” He sighed, “But I really just can’t let my best friend get hurt.”

“I don’t plan on hurting him.”

“You’ve known him a day. I’ve seen the way you look at each other. I saw the way he was looking at you. Just take it easy, you know? I know what he’s like, and if you’re not careful he’ll end up falling for you within a week and- I know you don’t plan on hurting him, Mikey, but just please be careful. He’s got a lot of issues and he doesn’t need to be used and tossed aside as soon as someone realises the extent of who he is. Don’t give him false hope.”

“I don’t, um…” I wasn’t really sure what I even felt towards Pete. It had been two days. And yet, I knew how much potential we had. I knew I would fall for him. I already was falling for him.

Two fucking days. I was fucked.

Two days and I was already picturing our life together.

What the fuck was happening to me? What was he doing to me?

But I didn’t intend to walk away just because he had problems. I didn’t care that he had nightmares or other problems. That wasn’t gonna be a deal breaker for me. 

I wasn’t going to turn my back on him.

Patrick laughed a little then, “Sorry, man. I’m not trying to be heavy so early. I just… I just don’t want him to fall too fast when you’re not on the same boat as him, you know?”

“Yeah, I get it,” I sighed and focused on my mug of coffee.

“Were they bad?”

It took me a minute for me to realise he was talking about his nightmare. I shrugged, “I don’t really know. Just some tossing and turning and mumbling I guess. I woke him as soon as I realised what was going on. I didn’t want to push him to tell me, you know?”

“Oh yeah, of course. Well that’s good,” He stared down at his mug then and I was tempted to go climb back into bed with Pete but I knew that would just be too rude.

But then he started talking about music and some of the tension eased. I listened to him ramble on and I realised why Pete thought so highly of him - he was just a really great guy. He was young, definitely a couple years younger than me, but he was seriously fucking talented and unbelievably passionate about music. 

I couldn’t believe it when he told me he was only seventeen when they started the band. Fucking hell. He kind of reminded me of Frank in that sense. Frank had always been in bands, from when he was only a kid.

I finished my coffee and excused myself to go back to Pete. He was still curled up in the bunk when I returned but he stirred as I climbed in beside him.

“G’mornin’, Mikeyway,” He mumbled and instantly pulled me closer to him.

I chuckled and kissed the top of his head, “Good morning, Peterpan.”

“Why do you have so many clothes on?” He tensed up almost instantly, “Are you- You’re not sneaking off, are you?” His grip around me loosened and he visibly sagged.

“What? Wait- What? No, no no no,” I wrapped my arms around him, “Of fucking course not, Pete. Jesus Christ. No. I couldn’t go back to sleep so I went to find coffee. And then I was talking to Patrick. I didn’t want to do that naked.”

He laughed, “Okay, yeah, fair point,” He pulled back a little and raised an eyebrow, “What was Trick saying to you?”

I wasn’t sure if I should tell him or not but I didn’t want to lie to him. I shrugged, “Nothing much. We mostly just talked about music. And he asked if you were okay.”

“Oh. Yeah that doesn’t surprise me. Trick is the best, he’s always there for me.”

“He also, uh- He also warned me off a little.”

“ _ He what _ ?”

I chuckled, “No, no, not in a bad way. He was just looking out for you. He just asked me to take it easy and he- Well, he said that I shouldn’t do anything if I’m not in the same boat as you because he thinks you’re gonna fall and get hurt.”

He frowned at that, as if I was spouting algebraic equations. Or gibberish. I don’t fucking know. But he was giving me the weirdest fucking look.

“Don’t be mad at him,” I added with a sigh, “He’s just being a good friend. Chances are you’ll have to go through it with Gerard. And possibly Frank. Maybe even Ray.”

He rolled his eyes and shifted closer to kiss my nose, “I’m not mad at him, Mikeyway. I know what he’s like and believe me, he had good intentions. I guess, I just- I don’t know, Mikes. It’s all very soon.”

My heart sank. “Yeah, I- I know.” I couldn’t help but think of my little vision of our future and my very soul shattered as I realised that maybe the problem we’d have with it would be him not wanting it.

“I hate when Patrick is right,” He sighed, “We barely know each other and already I’m falling for you. And that kid definitely fucking called it.”

It took me a long moment to process what he was saying. He was still babbling on.

“-and yeah okay it’s probably too fucking soon but I guess I’m a romantic. I just- I know how I feel. I’m fucking clueless but I know how-”

“Pete.” 

The fantasy was taking shape again. I saw myself at bigger venues watching Fall Out Boy from backstage. I saw myself on stage at bigger venues, knowing Pete was backstage watching me. I saw us with our arms around each other in celebration of new songs, new records, winning awards, achievements. I saw our life.

And I wanted it. Some insane part of me, the part that couldn’t seem to realise that we couldn’t have it, wanted that life. A life with Pete.

“No, let me finish. I know how I feel. And maybe Trick is right, I need to give you the chance to walk away. I’m falling for you already, Mikeyway, and I don’t expect you to feel the same but-”

“ _ Pete _ .”

“Let me-”

“Shut up,” I sighed.

He shot me a glare, “Fucking make me. I’m just trying to-”

I kissed him. I didn’t really know how else to make him shut up. It worked but his mouth was hard against mine and I knew he was annoyed.

I held his face in my hand as I pulled back slightly, “Would you please listen to me?” I could hear the exasperation in my own voice. “It is too soon. And we’re fucking dumb as shit. But I’m falling too, Pete. And it’s scary because I’ve never fallen for anyone before. Never like this. And I’m fucking scared. But I don’t care. Let’s just see how it plays out. I want to see how this goes. I  _ like _ this feeling. I like you. I really fucking like you, okay?”

He was grinning. A big toothy grin. A fucking beautiful grin. And he nodded, “Okay, Mikes. Let’s see how it plays out.” He had that smug look about him and I couldn’t help but laugh. 

I kissed him again, simply because I could. He melted against me, his arms wrapping around me and his hands slipping under my shirt. Well, his shirt really.

His fingers dug into my hip and he licked into my mouth.

And then he fucking pulled away.

“We’re going to a waterpark today, Mikeyway,” He said happily. 

I rolled my eyes. He was like a child. “I guess we are.”

“You don’t sound as excited as you should.” A slight worry line appeared between his eyebrows. 

I ran my finger over it and he wiggled away with a frown. I scoffed, “Of course I’m excited, Pete. You’re excited so I’m excited.”

“Well that’s adorable,” His smile bounced right back, “A fucking waterpark, Mikes. Can you imagine how much fun it will be? Wait, shit- Mikeyway, you can swim, right?” 

It was such an odd thing that I realised in that moment. He never called me Mikey. I was always Mikeyway or Mikes, but never Mikey. It was weird, but so fucking adorable.

“Of course I can swim,” I rolled my eyes, “I’ll need to let Gerard know where I’m going. I don’t want to just fucking disappear for the day.”

“That’s fair. I’ll see if I can swing us a ride to Aquaport. We can get a cab back.”

“I thought you said it was only ten minutes away?”

“Yeah, in a car. I don’t wanna walk,” He groaned and let his head fall back onto the pillow.

“Too famous?” I teased.

He scoffed, “You know that’s not what I meant at all. I just want to go to the waterpark with you, Mikeyway.” Then he grinned again. “You really like me.”

“Of course I do. I think I might be going crazy. It’s been two days, Pete. Two fucking days. And I’m completely crazy about you. I’m falling head over heels. I’m falling. It’s fucking scary. How are you doing this to me? This has never happened to me before.”

His smile softened and kissed me again. “Mikeyway, don’t be scared. Everything you’re feeling I’m feeling it too.” 

“You gotta help me through all of this, dude. Okay? I’m, like- I’m thinking shit I’ve never thought before and I don’t even know what to do.”

He ran a hand through my hair, pushing it out of my face. “We run with it, Mikes. I want to see where this goes. Let’s just go with it, okay baby?”

I kissed him again. It seemed answer enough.

Pete wiggled into a pair of black swim shorts which I wasn’t surprised about at all. Little emo. I watched as he stuffed his things into a backpack and grabbed a pair of sunglasses.

“Ready to go, Mikeyway?” He grinned. I had no idea why he was so excited for a waterpark, it really made no fucking sense to me. But I was a sucker for how cute he was being. 

He had organised a lift to the waterpark but I literally only had around fifteen minutes to go get my shit before the car fucking left without us.

“Let’s do this,” I straightened up and took his hand as we headed through to the front of the bus. We said goodbye to the guys then stepped off, instantly dropping our hands for fear of being seen. There was no need to really. There wasn’t really anyone around to see us holding hands, but we didn’t want to risk it. And besides we had to stop someone to ask where my bus was because neither of us had the slightest clue where it had been parked.

Eventually though we found it and I turned to Pete before we went in.

“I’m just gonna grab my shit as quickly as possible. I’ll be like five minutes, less even. I’m gonna have to warn you in advance though, they might be a little weird.”

He smiled, “I don’t mind.” 

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” I muttered and opened the door. 

The first thing I saw was my brother and Frank sitting together on the couch and I just fucking knew by the look they both shot me that they were the only ones on the bus. I guess that could be both a good and a bad thing. I considered apologising for intruding but then I decided I didn’t want to deal with the conversation that would inevitably follow that.

I simply ignored them, slipping through the bus to get to my shit.

“We’re going to a waterpark,” Pete told them, still sounding so fucking excited. He seemed to think better of following me.

Frank, however, decided he’d offer me some help, for some fucking reason.

“Mikeyway, do you even know where your swim trunks are?” He called and followed me into the bunks.

For a brief moment, I felt bad for leaving Pete and Gerard alone together but then I decided they’d survive. I was in too much of a hurry.

“Do you know where they fucking are?” I asked as I pulled open my bunk. I grabbed my backpack from the end of the bed and spilled the contents out. Frank rooted around in the cabinets, presumably for my swim trunks while I picked through what I thought I would need. I sighed, “Can I have a towel too, man?”

“Sure,” He laughed, and then something hit the back of my head. “So, Mikes, what’s happening?”

“We’re going to Aquaport. It’s a waterpark,” I picked up the towel that he had thrown at me and rolled it up to shove into my backpack.

“Well I know that,” He scoffed, “But with you and Pete?”

I wondered then if I should tell Frank that I had seen a little snippet of what our future could be, that I had imagined a vision of my life with Pete. But I didn’t have time to get into it.

Instead I shrugged and said, “I’m not really sure. We’ve had sex. Um, yesterday afternoon. And we’ve done other stuff too. We jerked each other off this morning which was a nice way to wake up I guess.” I could hear muttering from the front of the bus and I wondered what the other two were talking about.

He barked a laugh, “I’m sure it was. And now you’re going to a waterpark. Are you gonna make out in the lazy river? Some heavy petting in the slides?” He hopped over to my side and winked as he handed me a pair of swim trunks. 

I rolled my eyes, “No fucking clue, Frank.” I started to change into clean clothes then, and waterpark appropriate clothes, and Frank turned his head as I did so.

“Do you like him?” He pressed, and I fucking had the stupid intrusive thoughts again. I tried to ignore it.

I nodded, “Yeah. Yeah, I do. I really like him. There’s just this spark, you know. I can’t explain it but I want… something with him.”

Frank flashed me an all knowing smile, “I get it, Mikes.”

“It’s a crazy fucking feeling,” I admitted.

He sighed, “Fucking tell me about it. Love is wild, my friend.”

I halted then, hesitating as I slipped my shoes on.

Love.

I hadn’t thought of that. It was too fucking soon to think of that. But of course Frankie had to go and drop it like a bomb.

Maybe he was just projecting him and Gee onto Pete and I. That had to be it, right?

I gulped, “Okay, I think I’m good,” I reached over to zip up my backpack. 

“You got everything?” He took the bag from me and unzipped it to peer inside. Seeming satisfied, he nodded and tossed it back over. His eyes lit up then, “Ooh, hey check out what Ray did.”

I stuck my head into the back lounge to quickly look at the makeshift studio and then headed back to the front, with Frank in tow.

“-he’s like the greatest person I’ve ever met,” Pete was saying, and I felt that warm feeling again.

Fuck.

Gerard was on the couch, smoking a cigarette and looking a little worn out. Pete was sitting beside him.

“Okay,” I felt the need to announce my presence, “I have my shit.” 

Pete jumped up with a grin as soon as he saw me. I moved to stand by him as Frank went to my brother. 

I looked at Gerard. “Will you cover for me with Brian?” 

Frank curled into my brother’s lap, “Dude, just go have fun. Enjoy the waterpark.” 

Making out in the lazy river. Heavy petting on the slides… I’d never admit it to him, but that sounded like a really fucking good way to spend a day at a waterpark. 

Even still, I gave him the finger. “Fuck you. And tell Ray the lounge looks awesome, please!” I was sure I’d get the chance to tell him myself later but there was no harm in passing on the message. I knew he'd be pleased to hear it. I reached for Pete’s hand, “I’ll be back later,” I told my brother and best friend, who both looked eager to get rid of us, and then rushed out.

“Nice talking to you, Gee!” Pete laughed. The door slammed shut behind him.

“What were you talking about?” I asked as we walked.

He shrugged, “Oh the usual. Dr Suess.”

“I- Wait, what?”

He grinned, “Don’t sweat it, Mikes. We just had a chat. He’s a cool dude.”

I didn’t need Pete Wentz to tell me that, I knew Gerard was a cool dude. Quite possibly the coolest dude. He was the best brother in the whole fucking world. And I didn’t need Pete to tell me that, but it sure was nice to hear.

Aquaport was an outdoor waterpark. I don’t really know why that surprised me, but it did. 

I stuck to Pete’s side as he weaved through the reception and then into the locker rooms. I even let him pull me into one of the small changing rooms.

“Hey Mikeyway,” He smirked as his hands slid under my waistband.

“Hey Peterpan,” I smiled and closed the distance between us, pressing my lips to his. He giggled and his hands slipped lower to squeeze my ass. I stepped closer, pushing him against the door, which quite literally shook with the force. But it caused him to groan in response and pull me closer, pinning him to the door. I cupped his face in my hands, taking a long moment to stroke my hands over his cheeks, jaw, chin - trying to memorise the contours of his face. Eventually I settled with one hand knotted in his hair and the other on his neck, which he seemed to enjoy. I idly thought that it was a bit of a strange thing to get a kick out of but Pete pulled me from my thoughts when he bit my bottom lip. And embarrassingly enough, I fucking moaned. He licked into my mouth, clearly pleased with himself for how he was making me react. He hooked his thumbs into my pants and tugged them down with a swift motion. And then, as if he could get any fucking better, he pulled away with a beaming smile and dropped to his knees.

By the time we actually got out of the locker rooms and into the water, we were both flushed and on a high. But, damn, I was happier than I’d been in the longest time. Everything was just so blissfully perfect.

Pete was gorgeous. His swim trunks hung low on his hips, and he was so beautifully sunkissed. I kept catching sight of his bartskull tattoo and I had a desperate urge to kiss it, to fucking lick it even. And then the thorns around his chest seemed to be taunting me too, calling me in and begging for me to kiss and nip and suck at them. Stupid fucking attractive tattoos. Stupid beautiful Pete.

Even the fucking trail of hair on his chest was attractive to me. What the fuck?

And the way Pete’s hand kept brushing against mine as we walked was sending sparks through my entire body. 

What the hell was he doing to me?

I followed him, because I realised then that in that moment I’d follow him to the ends of the earth. I’d go anywhere as long as we were together.

How fucking strange.

He splashed into the pool with a big grin and I slid in after him. Thankfully the water wasn’t cold, I didn’t want to fucking freeze. But then when I thought about it maybe cold water wasn’t such a bad idea when I was in a public place with Pete looking like that.

“Come on, Mikeyway!” He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards him in the water. I hesitated at first, because people could see us, but then I realised that I didn’t fucking care. I’d give anything to just be close to him. 

And he looked really fucking good in water.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” I muttered as soon as I was close enough to him for him to hear it.

He grinned, a wide toothy grin. So fucking beautiful. “Speak for yourself, Mikeyway. I really like this look on you. All wet and kinda naked and messy hair and no glasses so I can actually see your fucking eyes for once. Those beautiful whisky eyes of yours. Fuck me, Mikes.”

I chuckled, “I mean, haven’t I done that already? But you know, I’d be happy to go again.” It sounded dumb even as I said it.

He blushed a little and splashed me in response before turning away from me with a big fucking smirk plastered across his face. Fucking shithead.

I submerged myself into the pool and grabbed at his legs. He instantly dropped into the water next to me, trying not to smile, and I wanted more than anything to kiss him. But I didn’t let myself.

I let him pull me to a racer slide a little while later, after we got bored of swimming laps in the pool. We stood close together in line, dripping wet and pressed against each other, fingers brushing together. 

There were a couple of kids in front of us who kept casting glances over at Pete and I and at first I was worried that they recognised us. But then they moved along and I guessed I was just paranoid.

“Whoever loses buys dinner,” Pete declared when we were next to go.

“What are we having?”

He shrugged, “Winner’s choice.”

We both got ready, settled into either side of the slide and the operator counted us down.

“Go!” He yelled and both of us pushed off. 

I shot down the slide, so quickly it momentarily took my breath away. I gasped and then felt myself start to laugh as the water splashed around me. I tilted my head so I could see Pete and he was whooping and screeching with laughter. He was so beautiful, and I realised this might have been the happiest I had ever felt. I was nearly twenty five and I had never felt so happy in all my life as I did with him. I grinned and screamed in joy and then-

I fell into the water with a splash and a moment later Pete dropped in beside me.

“You won!” He cheered and sounded slightly out of breath. 

But I didn’t care. I reached over to hook my arm around him and I pulled him towards me. And I kissed him. It was just a quick kiss because I knew we couldn’t risk anymore than that. I wanted to, I wanted to more than anything but I knew it was too risky. 

As we pulled away from each other, Pete beamed at me. The most beautiful smile in the whole fucking world. 

And for some fucking reason in that moment, I thought of Frank’s words - of that particular word - and I realised that maybe I wanted that with Pete, maybe it was already happening. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so excited to post the next chapter!! Next week's chapter is a little all over the place but it's genuinely one of my favourites to have written so far and I'm just so excited to share it with you all!!   
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Let me know what you think!   
> Stay safe and stay spooky!


	8. Gerard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another early chapter because I have no fucking self control. But I can justify this because it's been a week since my last update. That one was early too, whoops...  
> This chapter is a little odd because it’s just a short little filler about Frank and Gerard before Warped, but like it’s a cute little concept I wanted to explore. And I actually really enjoyed writing it to be honest. So far it's definitely one of my favourites. Also, I'm pretty sure it's one of the longest I've posted so far.  
> Anyway, here's the chapter...

“Why do you have no food?” I frowned as I shut the refrigerator. 

Gerard, who was stood by the Coffee Maker, shrugged, “I do have food. There’s some- Uh, I don’t know. There’s some… There’s something.”

I opened the refrigerator again and looked at the shrivelled up lemon, a carton of milk, a single egg and tubs with new eco systems growing inside of them. I gestured towards all of this to prove my point.

He shrugged again, “I guess I could order something.” He reached for his phone.

“What? No. Dude you need proper food. This can’t be our HQ if you don’t have food.”

He cast a longing glance towards the coffee machine then sighed and nodded, “Yeah okay, far point. We can go to Target.”

“Seriously, Gee, how do you survive?”

He grinned, “I make pancakes.” 

While he headed off to change out of his pyjamas, I worked on dumping the gone off food. I decided the tubs were a lost cause and just shoved them in the trash.

Gerard returned and told Mikey - who was still hunched over my notes - where we were going before leading me out to the car. 

He talked some more about Frank as we drove, which I recorded on my phone. It wasn’t about that summer, he just spoke about Frank. About how he felt, about moments they shared over the years, about their history. And it was during that car journey that I realised he was beginning to think of me as more than just the weird girl who was following him and his brother around trying to write a book. We were becoming friends. It was so fucking surreal. 

This was a guy I'd idealised since I was thirteen and now he was joking with me and driving me to Target and having me staying in his house. 

That was just insane to me.

I had a fucking room in Gerard Way's house. I had him and Mikeyway's phone numbers saved in my phone. 

Totally fucking insane. 

We pulled into the Target parking lot and Gee grabbed a cart. 

"Okay," He started as we headed into the store, "Mikey likes PopTarts so we need to get some of them."

"Shit we probably should have asked him if he wanted anything."

Gee shrugged, "Just text him. If he wants something we'll grab it." He seemed to be familiar with the store and so I followed close by him, texting Mikeyway as we walked. 

He responded almost instantly. 

**_mikeyway:_ ** _ poptarts pls _

**_mikeyway:_ ** _ and some fruit. And just fucking actual food too _

"Fruit," I told Gerard. "No fucking clue what fruit he wants."

"He's fucking annoying," He rolled his eyes. "What are we here for anyway? You take the lead, kid, I'll follow you."

It felt incredibly strange and domestic to walk around the store grocery shopping with Gerard. He seemed out of place in such a mundane environment. It was so odd to see him like that, in comfy clothes with his hair tucked behind his ears while he went grocery shopping. How different it was to the Gerard Way we were all used to. Fucking weird. 

"I'll just make some spaghetti tonight," I decided as I picked some up and put it into the cart. 

"You're making dinner?" He looked shocked.

"Why did you think I wanted to get groceries? It wasn't just for PopTarts, Gee."

He seemed genuinely perplexed, "Huh."

I sighed, "Of course I'm making dinner. You're letting me stay with you, the very least I can do is make sure you eat properly."

"Huh," He repeated, "You're a weird kid."

"Thanks,” I scoffed.

“No, no, I meant that in a good way, I swear. I just- It’s weird to have someone try to look after me, you know?” He watched as I piled the cart, “I don’t think I’ve ever really pictured myself having, like, a normal life, I guess.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean look at my refrigerator,” He laughed without humour and halted so he could properly look at me, “I don’t think I’ll ever get the whole family life thing, you know? Like, I doubt I’ll ever get married and have kids and get a dog and shit like that. I doubt I’ll ever have someone to go grocery shopping with. I think I blew my only shot. I know I did. I- I know I wouldn’t want it with anyone else. And now I’m alone. I’m just… living with ghosts.” He kept walking then, as if his words weren’t going to be burned into my memory for the rest of my life.

The shopping trip went relatively smoothly until we went looking for PopTarts and two kids, a little younger than I was, started squealing. 

I couldn’t fucking blame them. Two weeks ago I would have done the exact same if I bumped into Gerard Way in Target. 

Fuck, life was pretty strange.

Gerard looked sheepish as he said hi to the pair and the two gushed over him. I got the PopTarts we had been looking for and tossed them into the cart. Then I leaned back against it and watched the interaction for a couple more minutes.

“Would you like me to take a picture?” I offered and the two jumped on the opportunity. I took a picture for them and then handed the phone back over.

Gerard excused himself then and as we headed off I saw one of the kids take a picture of the two of us and I couldn’t help but overhear them muttering about how they didn’t know he had a girlfriend. I rolled my eyes. As fucking if. I was sure that would make the rounds on social media soon. They’d all probably freak if they knew who I actually was, why I was actually with Gee. The guy was as gay as Christmas.

We finished up then and loaded the groceries into the trunk of the car. Gerard made a strange face, and I just knew he was thinking about Frank again. He confirmed this when we got into the car and he continued to speak about him.

+++ 

Frank was an asshole.

Such a fucking asshole.

This wasn’t news to me at all. I’d known that from the day I met him.

I remember we met him through the guys at Eyeball Records and then he just started showing up all the fucking time. It was because of him that we got our first few shows. He was a little weird, but he had a lot of faith in us and he made sure we knew it. One time when I asked him about it he simply pulled his shirt over his head and showed me his  _ Keep the faith _ tattoo, as if that explained it all.

And so we had this little punk stoner kid with dreads who just never fucking left. And when he wasn’t there I realised that I missed him like crazy. Things weren’t the same without Frankie around.

He was there at our first show too. I was so fucking nervous before that show. I had a fucking  _ Thank You For The Venom  _ shirt on that I had made myself and I had started pounding back beers to try calm my nerves. I was expecting the worst, and I was fucking terrified.

“You’re gonna do great, Gee, don’t freak out.” Frank was there. Of course he was there. Frank was always there, and he was there not just for the band this time, but he was there for me. Frank, with too much energy like a puppy and his stinky dreads, was there to ground me and calm me. He smiled softly at me, “Everyone is going to love you, Gerard. I fucking know it. Some day the entire world will see you the way I see you. You’re made for great things, Gerard Way. And I cannot fucking wait to be by your side for the whole thing.”

“Yeah?” I think that’s the moment I started to really fall for him. I was drunk and so fucking nervous but I remember that moment so fucking clearly. I remember looking at him and just thinking how much I really loved him.

“Yes, Gee,” He grabbed my hand and clutched it tightly for a long moment and then stretched up to kiss my cheek, “I promise I’ll be right out there if you need me. You look out at that crowd and find me. I’ll be right there.”

And he was. He even stood on a chair. He claimed later on that he did it so he could see us, but it wasn’t just for that. It was so I could see him too.

The Pencey Prep guys would hover around too, but not like Frank. They liked us and they thought we were cool, but not the same way Frank did.

Most of the time he just sat on the studio sofa and smoked weed, but he’d give me this smile that made me think what we were doing was all worth it.

He’d flash me that smile of his and say something encouraging. He loved our music and he loved my voice. So every time I came out of the booth I’d get to see his gorgeous smile, the one that made me feel like we were doing the right thing, the one that felt reserved for me, and he’d tell me how great I sounded. 

He was our biggest fan right from the beginning. He was our first fan. In a cool way though. That’s what he insists anyway.

And he was beautiful. So fucking beautiful.

It was kind of worrying. I mean, I had never thought of a guy as beautiful until we met Frankie. But he was undeniably beautiful.

“Hey, Gee!” He called out to me one day when I was heading in to record. He had that smile plastered across his beautiful face. He was lying on the couch, as always, and playing with his video camera. I stopped and looked at him with a raised eyebrow. He chuckled, “Want me to scream with you?”

I shouldn’t have blushed. I fucking knew it wasn’t something to blush about. But damn, I was blushing. I nodded and tried to act casual, “Yeah sure. Yeah, if you want.”

He grinned and tossed the camera to my brother. He hopped up and grabbed onto my arm as he headed off.

“Frank, don’t get carried away!” Shaun, one of the Pencey Prep guys, called after him. He sounded a little stern and I wasn’t sure why.

But Frank bounced around in the little box with me, screaming on the track and grinning at me as we did so. He was so close and I felt like every part of my body was on fire. Every time he touched me, I could feel sparks ignite under my skin.

“Well that was fucking great!” Geoff cheered us when we came back out. 

And then Frank was hugging me. He was laughing and clinging tightly to me, “Fuck yeah, Gee!”

I was undeniably flustered, I barely fucking knew the kid, and I didn’t really know what to do but he just bounced around excitedly.

I stood there watching him, unable to stop the smile that spread across my face, and when I thought about how it had felt in the little booth of sorts with him, I realised that maybe he was a missing ingredient in the band. 

About a week later, Pencey Prep broke up.

“You’re kidding?” I was shocked, to say the very least. Pencey Prep was good. They had helped us out and been our friend. And they hung out during recording sessions too.

The thought of not having Frank there made my heart physically hurt. There was the strangest pang in my chest that I just couldn’t explain. 

That was it. Pencey Prep was done, they were done with Eyeball Records. And so Frank would be gone. I knew he’d still turn up at shows every once in a while, I hoped. But he wouldn’t be there the way he was. He’d start another band, because he had to. Frankie was far too talented to not be playing. 

But then the next day when I walked into the studio, Frank was on the sofa with a joint hanging between his fingers and his video camera on his lap. 

We recorded some more stuff that day, and Frank spent it sprawled out on the couch smoking and filming random shit. But he was there.

Ray was going over tracks with Geoff, and Mikey was sitting with Frank and they were both talking to each other. And I was just sitting there in amazement at the fact that Frank was still there.

“Hey, Gerard,” Ray’s hand was on my shoulder then and I forced my attention onto the track he was playing. I nodded and Ray sighed, “It’s missing something.”

Of course it was. It was so fucking obvious what it was missing, what the band was missing.

I glanced over at Frank, “We need more guitar,” I muttered.

Ray and Geoff ran with it. Ray had laid down like a dozen guitar parts - most of them at the same time - but that wouldn’t work out in the long run. We all knew it. And that didn’t help the fact that we were still missing something, someone. 

Mikey and Frank joined in on the conversation then. My brother scooched forward to join the rest of us around the computer. And Frank, who was undeniably stoned, remained on the couch but seemed to perk up a little at the topic.

Andrew, one of the guys in the studio, finally said what was on everyone’s minds, “Have you guys thought about adding another guitar player so you can do this stuff live? Just a thought.”

Mikey scoffed and threw a glance over at Frank, “The only guy we’ve ever considered is currently too high to get off the couch.”

Frank’s eyes widened ever so slightly and he looked away, trying to pretend he hadn’t been listening. But we all knew he was. And we all knew that he was what we were missing.

I went outside a while after that, I wanted some air. My fucking tooth was killing me. I needed to clear my head a little and I needed a smoke. For some reason Frank decided to follow me. 

“You in pain?” He asked as I offered him the box of cigarettes. He gestured to his own mouth.

I shrugged, “It kinda just depends, man. I’ll survive but I really wish I wasn’t dealing with this shit in the middle of recording.”

“That sucks, man,” He sighed.

“So,” I lit up my cigarette and pocketed my lighter and the box, “We need another guitar player.”

“How does Toro feel about that?”

“He’s a little scared, but excited. He thinks it’ll be fun, especially seeing as the guy we have in mind is a lot different to him in ways.”

“Gerard Ways or Mikey Ways?” Frank teased, but there was a nervous edge to it. God, he was such a dumbass. And he looked really fucking hopeful.

“So, how would you feel about joining the band as our rhythm guitarist?” 

He pressed his lips together, trying not to smile, “Are you asking me if I want to not only just play with my favourite band but actually fucking join them?”

“Yeah I guess we are.”

“You want me to join the band?”

“Yes, Frankie,” I couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Oh my God!” He leapt into my arms. Actually fucking leapt into my arms. I dropped my cigarette and was knocked onto the ground as he wrapped his arms around my neck and his legs around my waist. “Yes, yes, yes, fucking fuck yeah! Yes, yes, I’d love to!” He muttered excitedly, his face pressed into my hoodie. “Thank you Gee, thank you so fucking much!” He was in my lap and clinging tightly to me, and I knew that if anyone were to look out their window and see us, it would look like we were doing something a lot more incriminating than just hugging.

I wrapped my arms around him and tucked my face into the crook of his neck. “There is literally no one else we would want to have, man. You said you were gonna be by my side for the whole thing, right?”

“What?” He pulled back and wiggled off my lap, plopping onto the ground in front of me. I wanted to scream at the loss of contact.

I shrugged, “You know, before our first show.”

He gulped, “You listened to that?”

“Of course I did!”

“I just- You were so drunk, I wasn’t expecting you to remember it, I guess. But I meant every single word I said, Gee. You’re meant for great things.”

“So are you.”

“Maybe we’re meant to do great things together.”

“I th-”

“Hey!” Matt appeared in the doorway, “Are you guys coming back in or not? We’ve still got shit to do.”

Frank leapt up excitedly and extended his hand to help me up. I gladly took it.

“I’m gonna do it!” Frank declared and I was fucking startled awake.

“Shut the fuck up, Frank,” Mikey mumbled from beside me and I had to fucking agree. It was too early for Frank’s hyper energy. I needed a fucking coffee.

We were camped out in the backroom of the venue we’d played at the night before and Frank was bouncing around excitedly.

“Fuck you, Mikeyway,” He laughed, “Guys, I’m fucking serious.”

“About what?” Ray sighed.

“The fucking neck tattoo!” He exclaimed, “I want to get it done!”

I sat up with a yawn, “Seriously, man?”

“Yes!” He grinned, “I’m gonna fucking do it. I want to get it done,” He repeated.

“Okay,” Ray yawned too, “Okay. Empty your fucking pockets, guys. Let’s see how much we have.”

“What?” Frankie stopped bouncing.

I shrugged, “Well if you really are gonna do it, we’ll all chip in.”

Mikey pushed his messy hair out of his face and slipped his glasses on. “I fucking hate you all. It’s too early for this shit.” He grabbed his jacket and started ruffling through the pockets.

We all chipped in as much as we could and Frank headed off to the tattoo parlor we had passed the day before. 

“My parents are gonna kill me,” He giggled as he showed me his latest tattoo - a scorpion on his neck. We sat in the back of the van, just the two of us, where Frank had dragged me to show me. He wanted to show me first, wanted to hear my thoughts first.

“They sure are,” I gently tilted his chin so I could get a better look at it. “How much did it cost?”

“Forty three dollars,” He told me proudly, “I’m kind of broke now though.”

I chuckled, “What made you do it?” He’d been talking about his dumb neck tattoo for a while before getting it and I had no clue why he wanted it so badly.

He smiled softly at me, “Because I promised I’d be by your side for the whole thing.”

I wanted to kiss him at that moment. More than I’d ever wanted to kiss anyone, hell maybe even more than I’d ever wanted anything. It sure felt like that then. 

“You got a scorpion tattooed on your neck because of that?”

He rolled his eyes, “No. I probably would have gotten something more meaningful if it was for that. No, I got it because- Because I dropped out. I’m done with all the other shit. This is it. Music, this fucking band, this is what I want. And the scorpion means that I won’t be able to do anything else. I did it because I don’t want a proper job, I want this. The band, the music. And no one’s gonna give you a regular job when you’ve got a neck tattoo, right?”

I couldn’t help but laugh. 

Only Frank would have that logic.

Fuck, he was impossible not to love. The guy was just perfect.

He fell against me, laughing too. His hair brushed against my cheek and he laughed into my chest. My heart was beating so fast I was terrified it would burst right through my chest.

“Do you- Uh, hey Frankie, do you want a cigarette?” I wasn’t exactly sure what to do, but I knew that if I didn’t think of something fast I’d end up doing something dumb - like kissing him.

He flashed me that grin of his, “Please, that’d be great, thanks, Gee.” He sat up, allowing me to move. I patted my pockets then, in search of my box of cigarettes and a lighter. Anything to get away from being in such close proximity to him. He was a very intimate person, which made life very fucking difficult for me.

I handed the box over to him once I’d found it and he took it with a grateful smile, lighting up and then tossing it back to me. I took one too, because I fucking needed it.

He noticed my sketchpad then and declared I should paint him like one of my French girls. I blushed at the thought but got to work on drawing him. I neglected to tell him that I’d drawn him many times before that during the time we’d known each other. I had memorised as much as him as I possibly could so that I could pretty much draw him from memory - or at least my cartoon version of him.

When the others got into the van, he didn’t move. Usually Mikey and I sat here in the very back, with Frank and Ray in front of us. But not today. He remained in the seat beside me, his head on my shoulder and his hair tickling my cheek as he watched me draw.

We drove through the night and when he fell asleep, he slept curled against me.

It was also the best night’s sleep I had gotten in years.

Our grandma passed away in November. It was the worst fucking pain I’d ever felt. 

He was there at the funeral. He just showed up that morning with Ray by his side and a casserole in his hands that his mom had made for us. My mom thanked them. Mikey hugged them both. I didn’t want to see anyone. I was just so tired of it all. I didn’t really care who was there, or what they did.

He sat behind me in the church and multiple times throughout the service, when I felt like it was all too much for me, he leaned forward to squeeze my shoulder. He was letting me know he was there for me.

Mikey and I held each other’s hands tightly. When I glanced down, I saw both our knuckles were white from how tightly we were clinging to each other. 

What were we meant to do now? 

Mikey looked just as lost as I felt.

What would we do without her?

That was one of the hardest days of my life. I felt that if not for Mikey’s hand in mine and Frankie’s hand on my shoulder, I would have faded away completely.

“She always spoke so highly of you, dear,” The woman in front of me was offering me a warm smile. I couldn’t find it in me to return it. “I was so sad to hear of her passing. This was such a beautiful service.”

I never understood why people always said that about a funeral. How was it beautiful? Funerals weren’t beautiful. Funerals were shit.

“What is it that you do, young man?” She kept talking, as if I wanted to talk to a complete fucking stranger at my grandma’s funeral. But she seemed to be waiting for an answer. “Well?”

But then there was a hand on the small of my back and Frank was extending his other hand to the woman. 

“Thank you for coming,” He said, more polite than I’d ever seen him be before. “We all really appreciate it.”

She shook his hand, “You must Michael?”

“No, no, God no, I’m not Gerard’s brother,” He rushed, “No, I’m Frank. I’m a friend of the family. And I’m sorry to interrupt but I need to borrow him. You’ll have to excuse us.”

I let him steer me away from her and through the crowd of people that were packed into our house. So many fucking people. 

How were funerals beautiful? They were far from it. They were stressful and invasive and just fucking hard. 

He led me down to the basement and shut the door behind us. I sat on my bed and tried not to think of everything that was going on.

Frank’s hands were on me then, helping me out of my blazer and loosening my tie, opening my top button and pulling off the uncomfortable loafers. And then he offered me a cigarette. 

We sat there on my bed in silence, sharing a cigarette. He didn’t say anything, just held my hand as we passed it back and forth. I dropped my head onto his shoulder and let myself cry.

Eventually, Mikey and Ray joined us and the four of us sat on the bed in silence.

After a while I showed them the song I had been writing for her and things changed.

“I can’t do this!” I screamed. I could feel the tears rushing down my cheeks. I slid to the floor and I started to sob.

Mikey was expressionless as always, just staring at the shattered mug on the ground in between us. The bottle of pills was clenched tightly in his hand. The spilled coffee and booze splashed across the floor, soaking my socks.

“I can’t do this,” I repeated, dropping my head between my knees. I was terrified. I was losing control of myself and falling down a spiral. I was scared. I was so fucking scared of falling. I was becoming something I didn’t want to be. But I had nothing to hold onto. I couldn’t stop myself from falling, from spiralling. 

I was going to destroy the band, and it was tearing me apart.

“It’s gonna be okay, just- Just please don’t move, Gee,” Mikey mumbled and pulled his cell phone from his pocket and turned away, heading out of the kitchen.

I could hear Mikey in the next room, talking in a hushed voice. 

I wailed. I actually fucking wailed.

Mikey took my fucking meds and the last of my scotch was currently getting soaked up by my socks. I really fucking needed a drink but I genuinely didn’t think I could even pick myself up off the floor. And I knew that even if I could, the beer from the fridge was long gone. My head was fucked. I was fucked.

And so I just sat there in a heap and sobbed. 

Mikey came back in and wrapped his arms around me.

And I just cried. It seemed to be all I knew how to do anymore.

And then Frank was there. 

I must have vomited at some point, I must have passed out too because when Frank came bursting in through the back door, I was sprawled in a pile of my own vomit with Mikey sitting next to me trying to mop it up with paper towels.

“Gee!” Frank plopped down beside me and took my face in his hands. “What the fuck happened?” He didn’t seem to care that he was sitting in my vomit, on a shattered mug and a mixture of coffee and booze. He didn’t fucking care.

I tried to slur out a response, wasn’t even sure what I was trying to say, but it just came out in a jumble. Fucking word vomit.

“He took some pills. Washed it down the usual way,” Mikey shrugged but I could hear the hint of panic in his voice.

“How much did he take?”

“Enough. He’s pretty fucked up.”

“Help me lift him. We can’t just leave him lying in vomit. And whatever the fuck else.”

The two of them hoisted me up and dragged me down to the basement. Frank wouldn’t let my brother put me to bed, instead they carried me to the bathtub.

“Where’s your mom?” Frank ran his hand through my hair.

Mikey sighed, “She’s out for lunch or something. I don’t fucking know. But she’ll freak if she sees the kitchen. You know how she is. I need to clean it up. Will you stay with him? Just make sure he doesn’t choke on his own vomit or something.”

I was vaguely aware of Mikey heading back upstairs and I wondered-

Frankie was turning on the shower and flicking his hand through the water, waiting for it to warm up.

“Come on, Gee,” He brushed my hair out of my face, “I need you to work with me here. You’re covered in puke.” 

I tried my best to help him pull my hoodie and sweatpants off. He left me in my t-shirt and boxers under the warm spray while he tossed my clothes into the laundry hamper and balled my socks up into the trash. I guess he deemed them unsavable.

I felt a little bit like my socks.

I let my head fall back against the tiles and shut my eyes.

Maybe I’d taken a little too much… Maybe I’d drank too much… Fuck.

“Gerard! Fuck, shit- Gerard!” Frank was in the bath with me then, pushing my hair out of my face. Even though I was kind of out of it, it was hard not to spot the concern in his wide eyes. He sighed, a hint of relief in it, when he realised I was a little more alert. “Fuck, don’t scare me like that, asshole. Come on, we need to get you cleaned up.”

He washed the vomit out of my hair and tried to clean me up as best as he could. When Mikey returned, he found clean clothes - a pair of pyjama pants and an old sweater - and helped me change into them. They both got me into bed and then Frank went into the bathroom with a pile of my clothes to change into, seeing as he’d soaked his. Mikey sat on the edge of my bed, just holding my hand like he had at the funeral.

“-just fucked up.” I must have fallen asleep, or passed out, because the next thing I was aware of was Mikey speaking in a low voice and Frank sitting next to me in my bed, with my head almost on his lap. 

He was combing his fingers through my damp hair. “I know that, Mikes, but you know there’s nothing we can do. He’s grieving. I think we just gotta let him ride it out.”

“I’m grieving too, Frank,” Mikey’s tone was sharp, “She was my grandma too. I’m fucking grieving. But I’m not fucking myself up the way he is. He’s fucking depressed, Frank. Maybe he needs to get some help. I can’t lose my brother.” He sounded desperate, sounded scared.

Frank’s voice was firm, “You won’t lose him. He’ll get better, I know it.” I thought maybe he sounded almost as desperate as Mikey had.

I idly wondered why he was there, why Mikey had called him for help over anyone else, why he wanted to help.

“And if things get worse?”

“Then we help him through it in every way we fucking can.”

I wanted to say I’d get better but I passed out again after that.

I woke up a few hours later and the room was cast in darkness. 

I didn’t fucking care about that though. I cared about the boy curled up against me with his head on my chest.

“Frank?” I whispered and hesitantly moved my arm around him.

“Mhm?” He hummed.

“You’re still here?”

“Of course I am. I’m never going to leave you when you need me.”

“What are you doing?” 

He squeezed closer to me, “Making sure you’re still here. Listening.”

“To what?” I mumbled.

“Your heart. That way I know you’re alive. And you’re here with me.” He tilted his head and I was almost certain he pressed a kiss to my neck. “Very much alive.”

I slipped out of consciousness again after that and when I woke up, I guessed that had been a dream.

I was fucked up when I went missing. And I don’t like to think about it. I tried desperately to just move past it. 

But I couldn’t move past the relief on Mikey’s face, the fear and pain and the way he just collapsed against me and held me as if he thought I’d disappear. I couldn’t move past the way Ray hugged me so tightly it hurt, the way his voice broke when he cursed in my ear. I couldn’t move past the way Frank sobbed as he shoved at me, the tears that streamed down his cheeks as he yelled at me. I couldn’t move past the way they were all scared to even leave me alone to shower. I couldn’t move past the way Frank’s voice sounded on the recording, how heartbroken he seemed. I couldn’t move past the way he curled up against me with his head on my chest with his hands fisted into my sweater and his tears soaking into it. I couldn’t move past the fact that Mikey squeezed into my bed too, clutching my hand throughout the night. Or the fact that Ray set up a sleeping bag at the end of the bed, none of them wanting to leave me.

I couldn’t move past the pain I had caused them.

I cried the first time we performed ‘Helena’ together. It was the most heartbreaking song we’d done. Mikey was a lot stronger than I was, he kept a brave face because that’s just Mikey, but I knew that he was hurting too. 

It was the night before my birthday, not long after we’d finished recording the album, and we were home for a few weeks before going on tour again. I was lying in bed listening to music and drawing when I could hear someone tapping on the small basement window.

What the fuck?

I got up and crossed the room, peering out into the darkness.

The moonlight shone off of Frankie’s nose and lip ring as he crouched by the window. He tapped against it again when he saw me staring out and gestured for me to open it. 

I obliged, of course I fucking did. If that guy asked me to jump I’d ask how high.

“Fuck, it’s freezing,” He muttered. He rubbed his hands together. He was wearing fingerless gloves, as he usually did, and I could see chipped black nail polish on his fingers. He had a black hat on and his hood pulled up over it.

“What the fuck are you doing?” I had to ask, “It’s almost fucking one AM, dude.” Huh, I guess it was technically my birthday. “Of course it’s freezing! Get in here!”

“Nuh-uh,” He shook his head and flashed me a grin, “Come on, Gee, grab your keys.”

“What? Why?” 

His grin widened, “We’re going on an adventure. Come on before I fucking freeze to death.”

I didn’t move. I was just fucking confused. “Where are we going?”

He hugged himself against the cold, “We’ll figure that out. Toss me the keys and I’ll get the van started. Hurry, Gee! I didn’t haul my ass across town with a bag full of snacks just for you to say no to this.”

I agreed and tossed him the keys and a blanket just for good measure, because the guy seriously looked fucking freezing. Then I watched him wrap it around himself like a cape, grab the keys and run to the van. 

He was too fucking cute.

I tried to move as quickly as possible as I changed out of my pyjamas, grabbed another blanket and slipped outside. 

Frank was already in the van, bundled up in the passenger seat with the blanket wrapped tightly around him. He beamed at me when I slid into the driver’s seat.

“So where to?” I asked as I pulled out onto the road.

He was staring at me, his head resting against the window and his body angled towards me. “I want to see the stars,” He told me and then reached over to turn up the radio. 

So I took him to see the fucking stars. Because I’d do just about anything for the little fucker. I drove to the outskirts of town and found somewhere to pull in.

“So is this your secret plan to murder me?”

“Fucks sake, Gee, you ruin all my surprises,” He teased. I watched as he gathered up the blankets and his backpack and then hopped out of the van. “Come on!” He called me.

By the time I killed the engine and got out of the van, Frank was already climbing onto the roof.

“Frankie!” I hissed and tried to grab at his leg, but he was already up.

He popped his head over to look at me, “Well hurry up, do you need help?” He offered me his hand. I grumbled under my breath but knew that there was absolutely no point in trying to fight him on this so instead I took his hand and let him pull me up.

He positioned one of the blankets underneath us and then draped the other around us as he started to empty his bag. He pulled out a flask of coffee, two paper cups, a big pack of Skittles, a small slightly squashed chocolate cake wrapped in Seran wrap, a packet of chips and his iPod. He gestured to his haul, looking quite triumphant. “Happy birthday, Gerard,” He said softly.

I threw my arms around him, pulling him against me in the tightest hug I could possibly manage. “This is fucking perfect, Frankie. You’re just- Fuck me, this is incredible. Thank you.”

He tucked his head into the crook of my neck, his arms sliding around me, “I wanted to do this at midnight so we’d, like, celebrate the start of your birthday together but it took a lot longer to walk to your place than I thought it would. And I didn't actually leave my house until midnight. But hey, I have more stuff.” He pulled away to reach into the backpack yet again. This time he pulled out a couple of packs of cigarettes and a badly wrapped package. “Presents!” He exclaimed.

“Frank, you really didn’t-”

“Don’t try that shit, man,” His face hardened for a moment and then the smile bounced back, “Open them!”

Again, I decided it was better not to fight him so I accepted the little pile with a grateful smile. I left the cigarettes on the blanket with the food and worked on opening the package. 

Inside was a scarf, a couple of comic books, a new sketch pad, and a set of markers. 

“Frank,” I choked out. I was genuinely trying not to cry. “This is too much.”

He shrugged, looking a little sheepish, “Nah man, I just wanted to make your birthday good for you, you know. You’ve had a shit time lately and you’re honestly one of my favourite people so I thought I’d spoil you a little. I mean you only turn twenty seven once, right? It’s no big deal,” He tried to sound casual and nonchalant.

But it was a big fucking deal.

It was the most thoughtful thing anyone had ever done for me. 

I wrapped the black and grey scarf around myself as he poured some coffee for us and unwrapped the cake.

“Should I sing to you?” He joked and I laughed. Before I could answer, he had already started to sing, “Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Gee, happy birthday to you… Fuck I forgot candles- Wait!” He dug in his pockets, whipping out a lighter which he sparked up and then got me to blow out. It was so fucking weird, but I couldn’t have dreamed of a better way to spend my birthday.

We ate the cake and drank the coffee and smoked cigarettes, pressed close to each other under the blanket. Then Frank gently nudged me to lie down, wrapping his arms around me and resting his head on my chest. He clicked through the iPod and we each took an earphone to listen to it together, gazing up at the stars.

I’m not sure how long we stayed that way, but I know it was quite a while. I think we probably would have stayed there all night, singing to each other and looking at the stars, if not for the fact that it started to rain. 

We rushed to tidy up then, bundling everything into our arms and hopping down - none too gracefully. I moved to get into the front seat, but Frank opened the door to the back of the van and pulled me in with him.

We were both laughing as we fell into the van and shut the door behind us. We were laying beside each other then, so close that our noses were brushing.

And for a long moment I thought we would kiss. It would have been so simple to just close that short distance between us. It would have been so so easy. And I wanted to so fucking badly.

Maybe I was deluding myself, but I thought maybe he wanted to kiss me too. His eyes were wide and seemed to be pleading with me.

But I just couldn’t find the courage. 

The moment passed and Frank fumbled to pull his iPod from his pocket once again. He pulled the blankets back over us then and cuddled in against me once more, singing along until his breathing went heavy.

The trailer wasn’t fucking locked properly. 

Mikey actually fucking yelled when he realised, which honestly surprised me more than watching our shit spill out onto the highway.

It was strangely beautiful, even as cars sped over it all. I laughed, despite how fucked up it all was, despite the screaming and yelling, despite the uproar and outrage.

“My fucking bass! My bass! Pull the fuck over now, that’s my fucking bass!” Mikey screamed.

I laughed some more as the chaos ensued, but it had turned into nervous laughter. That was our shit, and it was currently spilling out onto the fucking highway.

Oh shit.

Frank, who I think may have been responsible for the unlocked trailer in the first place, dived out of the van before it had even fully come to a stop.

“Frank!” I was yelling now, trying to grab onto him but the little shit was too quick. He was already racing down the highway.

“Frank, what the fuck?!” Ray yelled as a truck sped past, honking loudly.

Frank yelled too, but all I caught was “Mikey’s bass!”

Mikey seemed to have heard this too and he started shouting again, “Frank, it’s not worth it, man! Get back in the fucking van!” It was an unusual display of emotion from my usually deadpan, monotone little brother.

The fucker was gonna get hit by a fucking car.

I scrambled out after him.

Or at least I tried to. 

Ray hooked his arm around me and pulled me back in before my feet even touched the ground.

“Frank Iero, get your ass back here before Gerard throws himself into oncoming traffic!” He called after Frank as he still ran, trying to grab the fallen stuff. Ray sighed, “He’s going to cause a pile up.”

“He’s going to get turned into roadkill,” I struggled against Ray’s iron grip.

Mikey jumped out then and moved around to the trailer to assess the damage and see how much we’d lost.

“If I let you go do you promise not to run after Frank?” 

“Dude, he’s going to get killed,” I scoffed.

“He has a better chance than you do. Now I’m going to check the trailer and try to get Frank back in. Don’t run after him, okay?” Ray was using his parental voice, and I couldn’t help but think that he’d be a great dad someday.

“Okay,” I sighed, because there was really no point in arguing with him. Instead I trudged out after him to check the trailer. Thankfully, I could see Frank coming back our way.

“Mikeyway!” He screeched and jumped onto my fucking back. I was going to give out to him but then I decided that I was too glad he wasn’t roadkill. He was screeching in my ear as he clung to me, “Mikeyway, your bass went over the fucking bridge!”

Mikey jumped up, his blank expression back but still looking more alert than normal. “How the fuck did it go over the bridge?”

Frank slid off my back with a shrug, “No fucking clue, man. But it’s over the bridge. I don’t think I can get it, I tried but it’s gone, Mikes.”

“You fucking tried?” I whirled around, shooting him a glare, “Why the fuck did you try?”

Oh God, he was too fucking stupid. He had no fucking survival instinct.

But Mikey was incredibly impressed by the whole thing, touched even. He hugged Frank tightly and with a lot more enthusiasm than Mikey usually showed. “Dude, you risked life and limb for my guitar! You’re the best, man.”

I hugged him too, because I loved the dumbass. He might have been stupid enough to run into oncoming traffic and tried to climb over a fucking bridge but he was such a fucking good friend. 

Mikey was right, I thought as Ray joined in on the weird little side of the road hug. He was the fucking best. Hell, they all were.

“I don’t fucking care, Brian! You need to get rid of him!” Frank was yelling. I had never seen him so angry before. He had his fists clenched tightly and he looked so furious it was almost scary.

Mikey was pacing back and forth in front of me, but perfectly silent. He had a scowl etched across his face and I thought he was going to punch something. Or someone.

“Look, just calm down, Frankie,” Brian tried to sound soothing, but really he just sounded panicked. Frank could be irrational and impulsive at the best of times.

The second album had just been released and we had been all feeling pretty on top of the world. We were moving onto a bus for the new tour. We were all pretty fucking delighted with ourselves.

And then the van went up in flames.

The van my grandma had given me.

It was burnt out in the fucking old parking lot that our new bus was waiting for us in.

I was sitting on the ground of said parking lot while Frank yelled and Mikey paced and Brian panicked and Ray tried to keep the whole situation under control.

The burnt out van had been towed away quite a while ago, and yet we remained in the near empty parking lot as we tried to figure out what to do.

“Calm down? Fucking calm down? Fuck you, Brian!”

“We’re all fucking angry, Frank!” Brian snapped back, “And believe me, I think he needs to go too. But the band needs to make the decision together, alright? And I know what you’re like and-”

“You son of a bitch!” Frank snarled, and I was momentarily startled. For a second, I thought he’d been addressing Brian.

But then I saw Matt approaching us.

I thought Frank would hit him, it definitely seemed like he wanted to. But Mikey had stopped pacing, I realised. Instead, he was striding over to meet Matt.

Mikey got to him before Frank did. He shoved him as soon as he was close enough, yelling something I couldn’t quite make out. And Matt shoved back. But then Frank was there. And Ray and Brian were rushing over and I let myself fall back. 

I lay on the ground looking up at the cloudy sky and listening to the others shout. Eventually I closed my eyes and hoped to drown it all out.

I thought of the night Frank and I spent together in the van on my birthday. I thought of how happy I felt when I woke up with him in my arms. I thought of how much he had laughed when we woke up to a very panicked Mikey ringing me trying to find out where I’d disappeared to on the morning of my birthday.

I thought of all the happy memories I had associated with the van, and then I felt tears trickled out from the corners of my eyes.

Brian told Matt he was out of the band not long after that.

I couldn’t tie a tie to save my fucking life. And Frank thought it was hilarious.

“You went to Catholic school, that gives you an unfair advantage.”

He cackled, “I’m just not a dumbass.” He fixed the tie for me and then smoothed down the collar of my shirt. “Can I do mine now?” He rolled his eyes and quickly fastened his own tie, trying to avoid looking at the camera that was pointed on him. 

I couldn’t help but think he looked cute in the prep school uniform. The rest of us looked like dorks but he managed to make it look good with his half untucked shirt and tattoos poking out from under the shirt. 

Mikey wandered into the classroom then with a carrier of coffee. We had taken over the room with all of our shit for getting ready for the shoot. It had been turned into a messy dressing room of sorts. 

“Mikeyway, you know the way to my heart,” Frank - who was very fucking tired - stretched out and made grabby hands for the coffee.

Mikey passed out the coffee and then Marc wandered in.

“Okay, Gerard, we’ve got the science lab set up for you. Let’s go do this.”

Frank followed, I knew he would. He was always there. I never had to ask. I got set up with Marc and watched as Frank spoke to the camera filming for the making of the video.

"This is the scene where Gerard's a nerd in science class," He struggled to keep a straight face.

"I was really good at science too!" I called out to him. 

“Gerard,” He turned to me with a laugh, “You’re a nerd!”

I laughed too, “I was actually really good at science in high school!” 

After that we all got to watch Frank stand on a desk and pee into a bowl, which I was in hysterics over. Even Mikey was laughing at him, which caused Frank to point the tube in his direction.

“Try me, Way. I’ll pee on you,” He threatened with a laugh, waving the pee tube in what I presumed was meant to be a threatening manner. It only made us laugh more.

“Frank, no!” Marc scolded and we all cackled. 

Throughout the day, the mood fluctuated. We were all tired. And it was fucking rigorous. It was our first proper music video and it came with a crazy amount of mood swings.

It went from laughing at how Frank was so easily able to fit into the locker to sitting close with Frank’s head on my shoulder trying not to pass out from the exhaustion to waltzing together through the library to giving it our all as we charged the jocks. It was a fucking rollercoaster of emotions. 

It was kind of wild. For once, Mikey was the most enthusiastic of all of us. Even Ray was exhausted towards the end, but not Mikey. He was full of life.

And fuck it, it made me happy to see him like that.

That kind of perked the rest of us up a little, seeing him like that. 

So by the time we were led upstairs to the library, Frank had enough energy to grab me and dance across the room with me. I let him lead because I had no fucking clue what he was doing. I knew he was running on fumes at that point, going from being hyper to completely crashing but I loved dancing with him. He pressed right against me and held me closer than necessary and I loved every fucking second of it.

But by the end of the day, all four of us were fucking drained. Frank was grumpy and didn’t like the guys playing the jocks. Mikey took his side, because he was grumpy too I presumed. And then Ray and I had to play mediators.

“They were assholes,” Frank explained to me in the car on the way back to the apartment. “Fucking assholes. Did you really not think that?”

I shrugged. I had thought they were a little pretentious and I knew just by looking at them that they had no fucking interest in our music, and probably thought we were just fucking freaks or whatever, but that wasn’t anything we hadn’t encountered before. 

Obviously I didn’t know at the time, but Frank had being pissy about the other guys because they had called him a fag after seeing him and I together. And Mikey had heard it all so obviously he sided with Frank. He only told me about it after it had all happened, fucking weeks after, when it was too fucking late to even try to do something about it.

Frank didn’t let it spoil the shoot for him though, and I loved him a little more for that.

“You look like you did when we first met,” Ray commented when he saw my haircut.

“Is that a good thing?” I cut my fucking hair for the music video for  _ The Ghost Of You _ and I was starting to feel like a dumbass. I missed my long hair already.

“I like it,” Frank grinned, “You look hot.”

“Gross, man. That’s my brother,” Mikey rolled his eyes.

“Oh shush, you’re just grumpy because you’re gonna die in the video,” Frank shot back then threw me another smile, “Seriously Gee, it looks really good. You look hot. As fucking always.”

I felt a little better about it after that.

+++

“You’re joking?” I groaned when we pulled up to the house.

Gerard looked at me with a raised eyebrow, “About what?”

“That’s really all the content I’m gonna get from  _ The Ghost Of You _ shoot? Really? Dude, that  _ Making Of _ is so fucking adorable, give me some details.”

“I don’t know what you want from me,” He shrugged, but the fucker was smirking. 

“Come on, man! What about the boat thing filling with water? Mikey getting shot? You pretending you were watching him die? I want the gorey details.”

“Maybe another time.”

I made a note to myself to make sure to pull more stories from him at some point.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you all enjoyed the chapter! This made me so soft writing it, and it really starts to feel like the story is moving along - finally! I know it's really only a bit of a filler chapter, but this feels so important to Frank and G's story so I really hope everyone liked it.  
> I'm going to be a little shameless here and plug my Instagram. It's witchy.jadda and it used to be a fan account but now I just post on my story. I'm kind of thinking about getting back into a fan account again but I'm not too sure. Anyway, I post stuff I find interesting on my story and I'm thinking of using that as a way to talk about this.   
> Also, my tumblr is the same as my Ao3 (witchy-jadda), and I'm kinda thinking about posting about this on there too. I'm gonna link them both below, follow them if you'd like to:  
> https://witchy-jadda.tumblr.com/  
> https://www.instagram.com/witchy.jadda/  
> Okay I'm done with the shameless self promotion now.  
> Let me know what you thought of the chapter! I'd love to hear everyone's thoughts.  
> As always, stay safe and stay spooky!


	9. Mikey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun things that have happened since my last update: I had a breakdown and almost gave myself a mullet. I didn't, but I really fucking wanted to and it took all of my resolve not to. Anyway, I think I'm going to book it in to actually go to the hairdressers and get a mullet because Meredith makes me want one so fucking badly.  
> Okay here's the chapter, enjoy!

“Wait, you’re making dinner?” Mikey’s eyes lit up as we unloaded the bags of groceries.

I sighed, “How the fuck are the two of you still alive? What the fuck do you eat?”

Gerard, who was back at the coffee machine already, shrugged, “Coffee.”

I rolled my eyes and got to work on putting everything away, cleaning the place up as I did so. The Ways watched me as I cooked, commenting on the process until I shooed them out of the kitchen. I ignored their grumbling.

It was strange to think that this was what my life had become. I was in Gerard Way’s kitchen making fucking dinner. What the actual fuck?

I laughed to myself because it was just completely fucking insane that I ended up here.

It didn’t take long to make the dinner and then I felt like such a mom as I called Gerard and Mikey out for food. 

I felt a lot better after they ate properly. It made me feel better about staying in Gerard’s home and dragging the pair through the trauma of rehashing the past. And simply because I felt better knowing that they were eating actual food, as opposed to junk food and takeout. 

Mikey decided to leave not long after that, handing over a small pile of notes that he’d spent the day working on. He gave us both a small hug - which I was pleasantly surprised by - and then he headed off.

“Come on and I’ll show you your room, kid,” Gerard said then, and I tried not to get too excited.

Later that night, when I was in my pyjamas and comfortably wrapped in a blanket, I spread the notes out on my bed and pooled over them, with my headphones on listening to the tapes.

+++

Pete’s hair was still wet when we trudged onto my bus with the pizza.

Frank’s head shot up almost immediately. “You brought back pizza?”

He held the box up proudly, “We did. Courtesy of Mikeyway beating me in a race down a slide.”

Ray took the box from him, dropping it on the table and gesturing for Pete and I to sit down. “Where did you guys go?”

That was all Pete needed to dive - no pun intended - into the tale of the waterpark. Thankfully he didn’t tell them about anything that we got up to in the waterpark. He just told them about what Aquaport had been like and how they needed to come along next time we went to a waterpark. I liked the sound of next time.

Gerard was giving me a look that I couldn’t quite place. As soon as I caught him looking, he averted his gaze and busied himself picking up a slice of pizza. 

“So Pete,” Ray laughed, “Are you any good at Mario Kart?”

Pete didn’t get a chance to show off his Mario Kart skills because he got completely distracted by the back lounge. So that’s how he ended up with my bass on his lap, strumming along with Ray. He was in his element, leaning against me and playing my guitar along with Ray and Frank and singing with my brother. 

And I realised that maybe I was in my element too. I couldn’t think of anyone I loved more than the four people in the little room with me. 

It was only a couple of days and already I was including Pete on that list.

That couldn’t be fucking normal.

What the fuck was that little weirdo doing to me?

They started playing a new song and for some fucking reason I decided to drop a kiss onto the top of Pete’s head. No one commented on it, but Gerard gave that same look that he had given me earlier and Frank smirked as if he knew something I didn’t - making me think of his words from that morning.

_Love is wild._

Not that that’s what this was, of course. It was way too soon for that, right?

Fuck Frank for mentioning love. I didn’t know how I was meant to feel about Pete, I barely even knew what love was nevermind if I loved Pete. It was too fucking confusing.

Stop fucking smirking, Frank. Asshole. 

As we were packing up, Frank decided to ask, “So, do we get the pleasure of being forced to listen to the two of you going at it tonight or do your guys have to suffer through it again?” He made no attempt to hide his shit eating grin.

Pete took it in his stride, “I’m sure you’d love to hear that, Iero. Will we have to hear you and Gee going at it if we stay here?”

Gerard spluttered, actually fucking spluttered, and then made a weird coughing sound and Frank fucking howled with laughter. 

“Tou-fucking-che, Wentz,” He doubled over with laughter. 

My brother had turned bright red and that caused me to join in with Frank’s laughter.

Pete beamed then and it took me a long time to realise that he was simply happy because I was happy. 

Fucking wild indeed.

Fuck.

Stupid hot little bassist.

It seemed to go without saying that Pete would spend the night in our bus. He excused himself from the back lounge to go answer the phone, explaining that it was Patrick and he was probably worried. Once he was gone, Frank nudged Ray and the two of them hurried out leaving me alone with Gerard and that strange new look.

I sighed, “Go on then. What is it?”

“Why the fuck did I have to find out from Pete fucking Wentz that you were together?”

“What?” Okay not what I was expecting but let's go for it.

“Why didn’t you fucking tell me? Why did I have to hear it from Pete?”

“Dude, you knew!” 

“Yeah, but you didn’t tell me,” He pointed out, and I couldn’t fucking argue with that.

I rolled my eyes, “Yeah but you knew.”

“I just can’t believe Pete told me before you did. He’s a nice guy, by the way.”

“You think so?” I didn’t think it would matter to me, but Gerard’s approval meant the world to me. I wanted him to like Pete.

My brother nodded and gave me that look again, “Yeah, Mikes. He’s kinda strange, I won’t lie, but so are we. And he seems to really fucking like you.”

“I really fucking like him.”

“Yeah?” He gave me a soft smile.

“There’s just something about him, man, I can’t fucking explain it. Fuck me. He’s just- He’s a fucking crazy little weird guy but he’s fucking gorgeous and he fucking makes me smile, man.”

“Frank thinks you’re in love with him.”

I fucking choked on air. I started to cough and Gerard laughed as if it was the greatest fucking thing. 

“I barely know him,” I said once I finally composed myself.

“That doesn’t mean shit.”

“It does, Gee. Frank is in a bubble right now because he’s been in love with you for years and now the two of you are finally getting together but this is just him projecting, you know? Pete and I are just- I don’t know, I guess we’re just a summer fling. You know, obviously I like him a lot but it’s not gonna last… Right?”

Gerard patted his pockets until he produced a packet of cigarettes. He took his time taking one out and lighting it up while I sat there fidgeting and waiting for his response.

“It can be whatever the fuck you want it to be, Mikes,” He took a drag and then let the cigarette hang lazily between his fingers as he spoke, “If you just want someone to hook up with for the summer, then that’s all it has to be. But if you want more than that, fucking fight for it.”

“It’s been two days though, Gee. How the fuck am I meant to know what I want?”

He sighed, “You don’t have to know. Just go with it, Mikey. Do what you want to do. Just don’t fucking write it off just because you’re freaked out about how you feel.”

I felt my cheeks heat up. I fucking hated when he was right.

“And don’t fucking let me hear anything else from Pete before you tell me,” He scoffed, “I don’t want to hear shit from Pete before you tell me.”

I smiled a little then, “Okay. I can live with that. Although I don’t think I really want him blabbing to you.”

“Good. I don’t want to hear of the ungodly things he’s doing with my brother.”

I chuckled and reached over to swipe the cigarette from him.

He was still giving me that look.

“What the fuck is that for?”

“What?” He frowned.

“That- that fucking face. What’s that all about?”

He ran a hand through his hair, “I just- You’re different. It’s strange to see you like this.”

I groaned and passed the cigarette back to him. “Okay, I’m going to go find Pete and make sure Frank isn’t torturing him.” I stood up and moved towards the door.

“Mikey?”

I looked back over at him, “Yeah?”

He smiled softly, “I’m happy, you know? And I think you might be happy too so that’s making me really fucking happy. That’s all I want for you, Mikes. I really hope you know that.”

“I know, Gee. I want you to be happy too.”

There was a strangled squeal from the front of the bus and I idly wondered what was going on behind the door. 

Gerard, however, seemed to know. He stood with a sigh. “I better go stop Frank from killing Pete, huh?”

“Oh shit- Frank, no!” I grabbed at the door.

Frank had tackled Pete to the floor, for some fucking reason, and Ray was in the process of picking Frank up and pulling him away.

I panicked for a moment, thinking the two were fighting.

“Told you I could get on your shoulders!” Frank grinned triumphantly.

“Not in the freaking bus, Frankie!” Ray scolded.

Pete shot up, grinning too, “Dude! I thought you were just being hypothetical!” His hair was messed up adorably. “Do it again, I wasn’t ready!”

“No, don’t do it ag-” Ray started but it was too late. Frank was already jumping onto Pete’s shoulders, leaping up in a way that shouldn’t have been possible.

And Pete fucking caught him this time, there was no squeal, no sprawling onto the carpet. He actually fucking caught him on his shoulders.

“You guys always have your fucking cameras out and no one filmed that?” Bob huffed, “You know, I hate them but that would have been-”

“Ow Pete! My head!” Frank yelled and they sprawled onto the carpet again.

“Frank!” Gerard rushed forward to pick the smaller man up. Instead of checking on him, he just rolled his eyes, “You’re such a dumbass.” 

“He hit my head,” Frank rubbed the back of his head as I made my way over to Pete.

“You got on his shoulders in a fucking bus. Dumbass.” He kissed him then, and I couldn’t help but notice how we all froze momentarily and looked over. It was a short kiss, but the love that filled the room in that moment was a little overwhelming.

I glanced at Pete then and offered him a hand up. He took it and I yanked him up off the ground, rolling my eyes.

“What happened?” Brian came out from the bunks.

Pete giggled, fucking giggled, and covered his mouth with his hand. It was irritatingly cute.

“Wanna see how I can get up on Pete’s shoulders?” Frank looked like he was gearing up to do it again. Pete bounced into action too, getting himself into a position for Frank to be able to jump onto him.

Oh God, there’s two of them.

Gerard gave me a look, and I knew he was thinking the same thing. He sighed and wrapped an arm around Frank’s waist, grounding him.

“Frank, no,” Brian scolded him, using his dad's voice. “Pete, are you alright?”

“Is he alright?” Frank scoffed, “He’s fine. I’m the one who hit my head!”

“I’m okay,” Pete grinned, flopping down onto the sofa and pulling me with him.

“Are you-” Brian frowned at Pete - who was making himself comfortable next to me, “Are you staying here? It’s getting kinda late.”

Frank chortled and Ray nudged him.

“Yeah man, I’ll chill here if that’s cool,” Pete flashed him a charming smile.

It was fucking annoying how gorgeous he was. That wasn’t fair.

“Oh,” Brian still looked confused, “Sure thing, sure thing. Make yourself at home. I, uh- I didn’t know you and Mikey were so close.”

“Oh yeah, we’re thick as thieves,” Pete nodded, “Known each other for three days now. Fucking inseparable.”

Brian seemed to just be more confused.

I sighed, “We’re friends, Bri. He’s cool.”

Brian gave me a strange look, obviously confused as to why I had spent two out of the three nights I had known Pete with him. And obviously he couldn’t put two and two together and figure out that I was with him. 

I guess it was a little insane, I couldn’t really blame him for not jumping to that conclusion.

Gerard muttered something to Frank, who cackled in response. 

Brian tried his attention to him, “Frank, Pete is our guest. Please don’t try to kill him. And no, tackling him is not allowed either.”

Frank rolled his eyes. “I’m not a child,” He huffed. I had to agree, Brian was talking to him like he was a child. 

It didn’t seem to sit well with Gerard either. He shot Brian a glare.

Brian surrendered and held up his hands in defeat, “Cool it, Gee. I’m gonna go back to bed. Please no fighting or tackling or whatever the fuck it is that you guys do when I’m not here.”

Pete covered his mouth to muffle his laughter and Ray scoffed. 

Brian, still frowning, retreated to his bunk.

“Does he really not know that Mikeyway is gay?” Pete asked through his laughter.

“I think it’s because Frankie and Gerard are so obvious about it,” Ray pointed out.

“Are we gonna play _Mario Kart_?” Pete grinned.

Ray won, because Ray always won, but Pete came in close second. 

“I like your band,” He whispered when we were curled around each other in my bunk later that night.

“They like you.”

“Brian is kinda strange.”

“He’s trying to impress you,” I laughed.

He stretched a little and slid his arms around me. “It’s been a long three days,” He muttered sleepily.

I hummed in agreement. And sleep took over not long after.

+++

“Are you sure I look okay?” I asked as Mikey led me out to the car.

I earned another eye roll for that. “Yes, kid, you look fine. I don’t think he’s gonna care what you’re wearing.”

“Yeah but it’s Pete Wentz,” I pointed out, sliding into the passenger’s seat, “Like, he’s literally the frontman of one of my favourite bands. You should have seen how nervous I was meeting you.”

“I didn’t care what you were wearing.”

“Yeah but I knew how to dress for that! I don’t know how formal this lunch is.”

Another eye roll. “Your outfit is fine.”

I nodded and stayed quiet for a while. Mikey had a Smashing Pumpkins CD playing and he sang along as we drove.

“So what’s the plan?” I asked eventually.

“We go in, find Pete and have lunch.”

“No shit,” I sighed, “I mean, what do I say?”

“Don’t talk. Let me do the talking, okay?”

“Sure. That makes things easier.”

The restaurant was fancy as fuck. Mikey led me through it and I held onto the back of his shirt as he weaved through the tables and out to the courtyard. He froze then, and I knew he’d located Pete’s table.

“Hey,” I tried to sound reassuring, “It’s gonna be okay, Mikes.”

He nodded then and we made our way over.

“Mikeyway!” Pete jumped up with a grin, “It’s so good to see you, dude!” He pulled him in for a hug and I couldn’t help but notice how rigid Mikey turned.

“You too, Pete,” Mikey’s voice was softer than usual. “Fuck, look at your hair, it’s awesome. You look great, dude.” He blushed then, as if he hadn’t meant to say that. 

They pulled away and Pete’s gaze landed on me. He frowned, “Um…”

I waved a little awkwardly, “Hi.”

“I didn’t- Fuck Mikes, you should have told me we were bringing people. Sorry, I must seem so rude. I’m Pete,” He offered me his hand.

I reached over to shake it. “Hi,” I said again.

Mikey sighed and rolled his eyes, “This is the kid. Her name’s Nell. She’s... the kid.” 

Pete looked completely puzzled as we all sat down. “So, Nell, who are you?”

The waiter came over then, asking what drinks we’d like, and Mikey and I both eagerly ordered coffees. Pete opted for an ice tea. 

He smiled at me, “So that’s who you are then, kid? A baby Way?”

“She lives with Gerard,” Mikey explained, offering me a fond smile. 

Baby Way… That was a strange thing to find complimentary. But it was fucking nice to be told.

Pete’s eyes widened, “The kid is… She’s with Gerard?”

“Oh God no! Ew no. She’s like twelve.”

“Actually I’m almost nineteen,” I piped up and Pete smiled again.

“Well it’s nice to meet you Nell the kid who’s almost nineteen, is basically a baby Way and lives with Gerard Way. Kinda strange but I’ll go with it. Why do you live with Gerard? How many Make-A-Wish wishes did you get?”

“Pete,” Mikey tried to scold him but he chuckled as he did so.

“Seriously, why does Gee have a kid living with him?”

I shrugged, “Because I have no one else.”

Mikey made a strange face then, and I realised that, of course, he wouldn’t know that. Gerard hadn’t known until a few nights ago. We’d been sitting outside on lawn chairs in the backyard at around three AM when it came up in conversation.

“Wait, so you’re a runaway?”

“Yeah, I guess. Something like that,” I hugged the blanket a little tighter around my shoulders.

“Are you- Fuck, you’re not like a missing kid or something, are you? I knew you were younger than you said.”

I laughed, “For the last time, I didn’t lie about my age. I’m not a kid. I’m over eighteen. Besides, there’s no one to miss me anyway.”

Gerard frowned, “What do you mean?”

“I grew up in the system. Um, you know, group homes and foster families and shit. It’s cool though.”

“You said you were almost nineteen so that means- Where have you been living for the past year, kid?”

“Oh you know, here and there. Crashing on couches and stuff. I met a guy who, by some fucking miracle, knew a guy who was able to get me Mikey’s personal email and… I used my savings to get to LA and find a motel. I haven’t really thought past this.”

“So… Wait- You don’t have a family? Or a home?”

I shrugged, “It’s okay.”

“No it’s not.”

“Dude, I’m not a kid anymore. It’s too late for it to not be okay.”

“Do you have any siblings?” The concern was clear in his voice.

I shook my head, “Just me.”

He ran a hand through his hair, “You should have told me sooner.”

I laughed, feeling kind of uncomfortable and incredibly awkward. “It’s okay, man. It doesn’t matter.”

“No, it does. You should have told me sooner.”

“It’s okay,” I said again, not sure what else to say.

He was quiet for a moment. “You’re staying here.”

“I know and it means a lot that you’ve had me here. Thank you.”

“No, no, I mean you’re _staying_. Like forever, if necessary. And don’t fucking try to argue. You’re staying and that’s final. This is your home now.”

I laughed, “That’s not funny.”

“You’re the one laughing.”

“No, I’m serious. Don’t say shit like that.”

“I fucking mean it. I’ll adopt you if-”

I burst out laughing, “Oh no! No, no, that’s a bad fan fiction waiting to happen.”

He chuckled, “Okay, yeah, very true. But I mean it. You’re staying here, kid. Don’t try to fight me on this.”

And so I didn’t. Why would I? 

But I guess Gerard hadn’t told Mikey about any of that because he looked entirely perplexed when I said it.

Pete kept questioning me though. “How did you end up there then?”

Mikey’s eyes widened but I had already thought up a fairly decent response, “We’re working on a project together. I needed a place to stay.”

“Oh,” He nodded, “Cool. Is Mikey babysitting Baby Way today?”

I scoffed, “Something like that.”

The waiter came back over then with our drinks. I smiled and thanked him then panicked when he asked for our order. Mikey and Pete ordered and I scanned the menu quickly, picking the first thing that sounded good. I almost had a fucking anxiety attack doing it. 

As soon as the waiter walked away, I took a gulp of coffee.

Pete chuckled, “Are you sure you’re not a long lost sister of theirs?”

“Not that I know of.”

Mikey smiled a little then, “She’s pretty cool. You’ll like her, Pete.”

“I already like her.”

I grinned, “Thanks Pete.”

“Fuck you,” He said instantly and I cracked up.

“That wasn’t intentional, I’m sorry!” I laughed.

“How’ve you been, Pete?” Mikey asked as I tried to contain my laughter.

Pete nodded, “Good, yeah. Pretty good actually, man. We’re touring for the new album. You caught me at a good time actually. I’m on holiday I guess. We were actually- I was in Japan in April.”

“You better have brought the goods, dude.”

There was a backpack in his lap then, and he was ruffling through it. “Of course I did. Have I ever let you down when it comes to green tea KitKats?” He produced a packet and passed them across the table. “Please bear in mind that I bought them in April. I really meant to contact you sooner but we’ve just been super fucking busy, you know?”

Mikey nodded, looking strangely nostalgic as he stared at the packet of KitKats. “It’s cool. No worries. This is fucking great. Thank you, sweet little dude.”

Pete’s face split into a grin. “Anytime, Duke of Handsomeness.”

I’m pretty sure they forgot I existed. I wasn’t gonna complain though. I just sipped my coffee and watched the two interact in utter amazement. 

“So you’re touring at the minute?”

“Yeah, we released the album in January and we’ve been on tour and stuff. I’m off for a little bit right now and then we’ve got a few shows at the end of July, then off for another couple weeks and back on for festivals in the UK at the end of August and then we’re back on the _Mania_ tour.” He toyed with the straw in his ice tea, “What about you, dude? Have you been doing anything?”

“I’ve been working on some stuff with Gee,” Mikey flashed me a look then and I tried not to smile. He smirked a little, “I’ve been enjoying MCR retirement.”

My smile disappeared fucking instantly. “Asshole,” I muttered under my breath and Pete laughed.

Mikey ignored me and went on, “Gerard is actually- His comic is getting developed into a show for Netflix.”

“Dude!” Pete grinned excitedly, “I was reading about that, it sounds so fucking awesome.”

”Yeah, it’s gonna be pretty great. Him and Ray are doing a couple tracks together for it.”

I struggled to contain my excitement as I listened to their conversation.

“You still talk to Frank?”

“Yeah. We’re actually, um- I’m going to New Jersey in a couple days and hopefully I’m meeting up with him when I’m there. How about your guys? How is everyone?”

Pete glanced at me briefly and then nodded, “They’re all good. Trick and Elisa are as happy as ever. Joe and Marie had a baby girl in March. Her name is Zayda, she’s adorable. And Andy is living in Portland with his girlfriend and he opened his own coffee shop too.”

 _The torture of small talk with someone you used to love_ … Is this really all that was left between them?

“How’s Bronx?” Mikey asked, his voice gentle.

Pete gave him a soft, genuine smile, “He’s good, man. He’s a great little kid. He’s getting tall too. I bet he’ll be taller than me.”

Mikey scoffed, “That’s not hard.”

“Fuck you,” He laughed then nodded to me, “You okay, baby Way?”

I nodded, “Just listening.”

Mikey seemed to remember I was there then. He passed the packet of KitKats to me, “Will you put these in your bag?”

“Sure,” I grabbed my bag from under the table and stuffed them in. I noticed my phone was flashing with notifications then and I checked it quickly. Nothing important, but then I noticed the date. “Hey, it’s thirteen years today since you guys met. Was that intentional?” It had slipped out before I even knew what I was saying. 

It just fucking slipped out. I was a dumbass. 

Mikey’s face fell, “Kid, no.”

“What?” Pete frowned.

The waiter returned then, placing our food down in front of us. 

Pete waited until he walked away. “What did you say?”

“I, um, I only meant- I just… Fuck. Um, it’s just- It’s the eighteenth of June. That was the date of the first Warped show in 2005. You know, the first time you guys met. Your first-”

“Stop talking,” Mikey said under his breath.

_First kiss…_

Pete looked a little startled, but didn’t seem too phased. He chuckled as he picked up his sandwich, “I knew you were gonna be a weird kid, baby Way.”

We seemed to be in the clear. I had slipped up but it seemed that we were just moving past it.

I laughed too, “Yeah I get that a lot.” I started to eat then, more out of the need to shut myself up than actually being hungry.

The table was silent for a little bit then as we ate.

“What- What made you think of that?” Pete asked after a few moments, “How do you even-” He cut himself off then and looked over at Mikey, “You told her.”

“I just knew the date. It was a lucky guess,” I tried, but it was useless. Pete knew Mikey. He fucking knew.

“Just hear the kid out, Pete,” He said quietly.

He was frowning again, “I’m… You told her about us. What’s going on?” He looked confused and hurt and my stomach clenched. He looked at me, “Who are you?”

“I’m exactly who I said I was.”

Mikey sighed, “She didn’t lie to you.”

“You really did tell her?” Pete’s voice broke, “Why? Why tell her and bring her here? What is going on?”

“She’s coming with me to Jersey,” Mikey started, “Just listen, please. She’s coming with me to Jersey so she can meet Frank. She wants to try to talk to him about Gerard. She’s writing a book. That’s how I met her. And I introduced her to Gee. She’s writing a book about- She’s writing about us, about them, about that summer.”

He looked lost. “How- Wait-” He pressed a hand to his forehead, “Why did you tell her?”

I shook my head, “He didn’t. I figured it out. And I contacted him.”

He screwed his eyes shut, “Fuck, Mikey. Fuck. I’m- I don’t know what you expect from me.” He focused on taking a deep breath.

“Pete, I’m so sorry,” I whispered, “I fucked up. We were gonna- I didn’t mean to spring it on you.”

“Pete,” Mikey said gently, “Are you okay?”

He shook his head, “I’m fucking confused, Mikey. What the fuck, man? All these years you’ve never wanted anyone to know, you wanted to fucking pretend it never happened. I was married and I never even fucking told my wife, because you asked me not to. And now… a book?” He softened a little, “You told her about us.” It was so strange. In that moment I was almost certain I saw a flicker of hope dash across his face.

“I did. And I told her she could write the book. She’s great, Pete. She’s been interviewing Gerard and I and taping us telling stories and we’ve been giving her notes and stuff. She’s got her shit together. It’s gonna be a great fucking book.”

A small smile tugged at the corners of Pete’s lips, “You’re gonna tell the world about us?”

I don’t think Mikey noticed the smile, the hope.

“Of course not!” He said hurriedly and I watched the smile disappear, the hope fade away. Mikey continued, “We haven’t worked it all out but she’s gonna change the names and some of the details and stuff. She’ll make it look fictional.”

He frowned, not taking his eyes off of Mikey, “You’re still not coming clean?”

_And it’s getting clear, you’re never coming clean…_

Of course. From the start, Mikey was the one who wanted to keep it a secret. And that had been tearing Pete apart for over ten years.

How did I not fucking realise?

“I’m not gonna out you,” Mikey seemed to be misinterpreting Pete’s hostility. “I wouldn’t do that to you, okay? We just wanted to talk to you about the book. The kid wants to get other angles or perspectives or whatever, and maybe some photos or-”

“You’re still gonna pretend to be something you’re not? You’re gonna get her to write a book about us and you’re still gonna pretend that nothing ever happened?”

“Pete, I’m not pretending nothing happened. I know it happened. I felt it all. I’m just- What do you want from me, man?”

He scoffed, “Maybe stop lying to yourself.”

“That’s not fair. Come on, dude, it’s been years. What’s the point in telling everyone now? It would be different if we… It’s been years. You have a kid now. We’ve changed. But the kid wants to write this, and I know she’s gonna do a killer job. I trust her.”

He shook his head, “Stop trying to convince me, Mikey. I don’t need convincing.” He glanced at me, “Baby Way, I’m sure you’ll do great things. Write the book. I don’t care, Mikey. What I’m pissed off about is the fact that you’re still… You’re still afraid someone else will hear you. Do whatever the fuck you want, Mikey,” He pulled his wallet out and tossed a few bills onto the table. “I really don’t care. The truth will catch up to you eventually though. You got lucky this time with the kid, but what if the next fan that figures it out isn’t so nice? Happy fucking anniversary, Mikey.” Then he stood and headed out of the restaurant.

Mikey stared after him in shock. I stared at Mikey and considered hugging him, comforting him and making sure he was okay. But before I could even register what I was doing, I was on my feet. I rushed after him.

“Pete!” I caught up to him outside the restaurant and he halted when he heard me calling. I hurried to meet him, “I’m so sorry.”

“You did nothing wrong.”

“It still sucks though.”

He nodded, “Yeah, it does. What’s up, Baby Way?”

“Please Pete, let me pick your brain.”

He laughed a little, “What?”

“I want to hear your side of things too. I want to know how your band feels and- Just, please, consider meeting me. We’re going to Jersey in like two days and I don’t know when we’ll be back so-”

“How about I give you my number?” He suggested and held out his hand.

“What?” It was my turn to be confused.

He handed me his phone and took mine. “Phone numbers, so you can contact me when you’re back in LA. I’ll consider it, see what I wanna do, you just gotta ring me when you get back from New Jersey. Sound good?” He started tapping at my phone.

I looked at his phone in my hand, open on the new contact page. I filled in my details, putting my name as ‘ _baby way_ ’, which I was sure he’d appreciate. 

When he handed me back my phone, I saw he put his number under ‘ _pw_ ’. I smiled a little.

“Are you okay?” I felt compelled to ask as I slipped my phone back into my pocket. I felt unbearably guilty for causing so much hurt.

“I’ll be okay,” He shrugged, “It’s just… Things aren’t the same anymore, you know?”

I nodded, “Yeah, I get that.” I tried to lighten the mood a little, “I can’t believe you’re quoting your own songs.”

He laughed, a genuine one this time, “Of course you’d pick up on that. Fucking weird kid. Look, I’m gonna go. I need to process everything. I don’t- I don’t really know what I want to do yet, how involved I want to be in all of this. If you haven’t heard from me already when you come back from Jersey, contact me, okay?”

“Definitely,” I nodded.

“It was… strange meeting you, Baby Way.”

Mikey was paying when I headed back to the restaurant. I lingered around outside and waited for him.

“Was he okay?” He handed me my bag when he came out and we started to walk to the car.

I shrugged, “Not really. He’s pretty pissed at you.”

“Yeah, I picked up on that.”

“I’m kind of confused,” I admitted, hoping he’d clear up some of my confusion.

He sighed, “You and me both.”

Nevermind that then.

“That went shit,” I concluded.

“Yeah,” He agreed, “And now we’re gonna fly across the country and do it again.”

“Fun.”

+++

I lingered by the stage as Fall Out Boy played, like I usually did, and not for the first time I wondered how Patrick put up with Pete. He kept leaping over to him to scream into the microphone and jump around next to him.

Such a little shithead.

We had been on tour a week at this point and that night would be our first hotel night of the tour. We were leaving Selma and heading to New Mexico, where we’d finally be staying in a hotel. 

I was beyond excited to have an actual bed.

It had been a strange few days, filled with excitement and Pete and insanity. Stolen kisses and sloppy sex and a longing to be together all the time. 

It was fucking insane.

I don’t think I’d ever been happier.

I knew then, even though it had only been eight fucking days, that I was falling in love with him. I missed him like crazy when we weren’t together, I couldn’t sleep without him, my heart fucking raced every time he texted me and I couldn’t help but smile like an idiot when I was around him.

I was doing precisely that when Pete ran across the stage to me.

“Hey Mikeyway,” He grinned and grabbed my hand, “Come on!”

I widened my eyes, “Pete, no!” But it was too late. He was tugging me out onto the stage and thrusting my bass into my hands.

“I picked a good song for you too,” He smirked, grabbing a microphone as I put the bass on.

I fucking knew their set. I knew what song was next. God, he was such a shithead.

The song was _I Slept With Someone in Fall Out Boy and All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me._ Of fucking course it was. 

I better get a song written about me for doing this.

“This is our good friend Mikeyway from My Chemical Romance!” Pete yelled into the microphone and the crowd cheered.

“You ready, Mikey?” Patrick called to me over the noise and I nodded.

We started playing and Pete dived into the crowd. 

It took everything in me not to laugh as I watched him move around, screaming into the microphone and getting the crowd to sing into it and he just looked so fucking happy.

“ _So douse yourself in cheap perfume, It's so fitting, so fitting of the way you are, You can't cover it up, Can't cover it up_ ,” Patrick finished as Pete bounced back onto the stage, grinning from ear to ear. 

He was fucking beautiful.

I wanted nothing more than to pull him to me, then and there and kiss him. 

I expected him to take his bass back when he bounced over, but he didn’t. Then I thought maybe he was going to kiss me. For the briefest of moments it certainly seemed that way. But he didn’t. I don’t know if I was disappointed or relieved.

“ _Where Is Your Boy Tonight_ is next!” He told me excitedly, as if I didn’t know the setlist. He blew a kiss to me, with his back to the audience and then stepped aside.

I played to the best of my ability and Pete just fucking sat there watching without a care in the world.

As soon as the song finished I handed the guitar over to him so that I didn’t have to do another song. Pete laughed as he took the instrument from me.

“Mikey fucking Way, everybody!” He yelled into the microphone. I gave the crowd a little wave as I rushed off the stage.

Ray laughed when I joined him. I sighed, “Don’t say a word.”

“I wish I had the camera!” He cackled.

“Fuck you.”

“Awh man, your face was priceless,” He wiped his cheeks as if he was wiping away tears, “I can’t believe Frank and Gerard missed it. They’re gonna be so mad.”

I scoffed, “They have a free bus. I doubt they’re gonna be mad that they missed seeing me play.”

“Okay that’s a good point,” He chuckled, “You did good though.”

“Thanks man,” I smiled at my friend then turned to look at the stage again as Pete bounced and spun around. I couldn’t ever imagine moving around that much on stage.

He was fucking adorable.

It was eight days, and I was already in love with him.

I was so screwed.

“Wait, I thought today was a hotel night?” Frank frowned as we all climbed onto the bus.

Ray sighed, “No tomorrow night.”

“Why not tonight?” He whined and it was hard to miss the way he looked at Gerard. We all knew why he wanted a hotel so badly.

I couldn’t fucking blame him. Pete and I wanted it for the same reason.

“We have nearly a nine hour drive ahead of us,” I grumbled, flopping down onto the couch, “It’s nearly ten PM now, we’re not gonna get a hotel. It’s gonna be morning by the time we get to New Mexico, and that’s if we’re lucky.”

“How do you know that? Gerard raised an eyebrow.

I shrugged, “Pete.”

Ray looked around then, almost confused, “Where is he?”

“On his bus.”

It was weird how quickly our little routine had become just that. Out of the eight nights we’d been on tour Pete and I had spent five of them together. 

God, that sounded insane.

It was all moving way too fast.

And yet I couldn’t find it in me to stop it, to slow it down.

 _In love with my own sins_ … as Pete had said.

“Oh hey, look what I picked up for you today!” Frank jumped up excitedly and ran to the bunks. He returned a moment later and tossed a small plastic bag at me before plopping down none too gracefully beside Gerard, who instantly wrapped his arm around him and pulled him close.

I peered into the bag and saw a CD inside. It was _From Under the Cork Tree_ , Fall Out Boy’s new album. I grinned, “Frank, this is incredible! Thank you.”

He tried to shrug it off but he looked pretty damn happy with himself, “I know you’ve been wanting to pick it up so I decided to do it for you.”

“We may as well listen to it then,” Ray held his hand out and I passed the CD over to him. He went over to the stereo and put it on. 

“I’m gonna be honest,” Gerard chuckled, “I’ve never listened to any of their albums.”

I rolled my eyes, but decided not to admit that this would be my first time listening to one of their albums too. That kind of made me a shitty boyfriend.

Or whatever I was to Pete.

I just leaned back and closed my eyes, listening to the music.

Somehow I managed to fall asleep, with my headphones on and listening to the CD on my old Discman. Well, Ray’s old Discman.

But I woke up a couple hours later, the CD over, and my phone vibrating on the pillow next to me. ‘ **_peterpan_ **’ flashed across the screen. I fumbled to pull my headphones off and grab the phone, answering it and putting it to my ear as I pulled back the curtain.

“Pete, is everything okay?” My voice was low and rushed as I headed to the front of the bus.

It was eerily quiet at this time. Everyone was in bed by now and the only sound was the engine as we drove.

It was even quiet on the phone. 

“Pete?”

“Hey Mikeyway,” He replied softly.

I smiled and dropped onto the sofa, “Can’t sleep?”

He hummed.

“A penny for your thoughts?” I laughed.

He hummed again and I waited.

“I’m trying to trick myself into falling asleep again,” He muttered eventually.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know what you’re doing to me, Mikeyway.”

“What does that mean, Pete?”

His voice was so soft, “I’ve been lying here all night just thinking about you. And I know I need to sleep but I just want you here. That’s why I called you. I thought maybe I could trick myself into believing you were here so I’d sleep.”

I nodded. It made a little more sense.

“Close your eyes.”

He laughed, “What?”

“Close your eyes, dumbass,” I sighed, “I’m gonna trick you into falling asleep.”

“Oh.” I could almost hear his smile. 

That was about as far as I’d gotten with my plan. “So what do you want me to do?”

He laughed again, “I don’t know, Mikes, just talk.”

And so I did.

I told him about Gerard, about everything that had happened that led him to setting up the band, about what he went through after our grandma died and how fucking terrifying it was. I told him about how the band was there to save people’s lives, how that’s what we wanted it to do, how we wanted to help people. I told him about New Jersey and the way my mom just didn’t know how to handle everything that happened with Gee. I told him about the documentary. I told him about the first time I met Ray and Frank. And I told him about some of my dreams for the future, about how they slipped into my mind so often without my realising.

“You’re a dreamer, Mikeyway,” He mumbled.

“And we’re the dream,” I whispered back.

I was halfway through the story of bootlegging Disney movies when I heard gentle snores on the other end. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh so maybe I should have warned y'all that this chapter wasn't going to be nice. I feel like I lured you into a false sense of safety. Whoops.  
> It only gets worse from here.  
> How's everyone doing? I hope everyone is keeping safe. Stay positive and test negative, right? I saw that on Twitter, might become my new line.  
> I'm not American, but I would just like to take a moment to ask everyone to use their voice! Go out and vote! Vote for your future. Vote for democracy. Vote him out.  
> Anyway, let me know what you thought of this chapter!  
> As always, stay safe and stay spooky!


	10. Gerard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday to the Black Parade!! Fourteen years old today! I love that album so fucking much. Like you cannot deny that it's one of the best albums of the 2000s. There's just no fucking denying it. It's so iconic, ugh I love it so fucking much.  
> Anyway, here's the chapter. Gonna warn you in advance that it's pretty short and I honestly have no clue why. I don't really remember when I wrote it but I don't really wanna go back and add stuff in so I guess this week's chapter is just a short one. Enjoy!!

When Mikey dropped me home, he declined to come in. I guessed he just needed some space after the eventful afternoon. So I didn’t push him, simply let him know I was there if he needed me and then bid him goodbye.

I checked my phone when I went in and gasped at the new text.

**_pw:_** _i’m in 100% let’s do this_

**_babyway:_ ** _ really? _

**_pw:_ ** _ yep, i’ll talk to you abt 05  _

**_pw:_ ** _ and about after _

That’s what really got me excited. After Warped was just as intriguing as the tour itself, and Pete was the only one who could really offer the insight I needed for his relationship with Mikey. And the fucking music, the songs about Mikey - Pete was the only one who could give me the insight I needed on them.

I made my way to the office where I started to try to get some work done. 

+++

Things with Frank didn’t change that drastically. It made me realise how much we already acted like a couple. 

It was nice to be able to kiss him whenever I wanted to and to fall asleep next to him every night. It was nice to know that he was mine. 

But not so nice when he was waking me at an ungodly hour, poking me in my side.

“No,” I groaned and pressed my face into the pillow, trying to shift away from his bony fingers.

“It’s a hotel day, Gee!” The excitement was clear in his voice. “The bus has stopped. We’re in New Mexico. We’re going to be in a hotel soon.”

“M’kay,” I mumbled.

“Wake up, asshole,” He scoffed.

“No.”

He kissed my neck then, “Yes. Wake up. We’re getting a hotel tonight.”

I sighed, “Yes but I want to sleep.” I opened one eye and peered at him, “You’re not gonna let me sleep, are you?”

“The van is bringing us at ten.”

“What time is it now?”

He kissed me gently, “Almost nine thirty. Get your shit into a bag. I’m gonna go make some coffee.”

I reached for him then, trying to steal a kiss but he was rolling out before I could get to him.

“Asshole,” I muttered.

“Please, you love me,” He scoffed, then moved to Mikey’s bunk. “Mikeyway, get your ass up! It’s hotel day!”

Mikey replied with a muffled, “Fuck off.” I couldn’t blame him. Me too, Mikey.

I forced myself to get up, mostly fueled by the fact that I knew Frank was making coffee.

Frank and coffee… what more could a guy want? Life was fucking good.

If someone had told me back when I first fell for Frank that we’d ever be like this, I would’ve thought they were fucking crazy. Absolutely off their fuking heads.

And yet here we were.

By the time I made my way to the front of the bus, Frank had made coffee and Mikey and Ray were lounging on the couch. Mikey had his phone in his hand but there was nothing new there.

I was willing to bet that he was texting Pete.

“Morning!” Ray said far too cheerfully. I grunted in response. He nodded, “Ah so Frank made you get up too?”

“Have some coffee,” Frank passed a mug over to me and I smiled my thanks. Then he looked at Mikey, “Is Pete on his way over? Will I save him some coffee?”

Pete was fucking weird. Mikey with Pete was even weirder. I couldn’t fucking wrap my head around the way they were. There was a change in Mikey in the past week, like he had finally come to life because of Pete. He made Mikey so fucking happy. Visibly fucking happy. 

It was so fucking weird. 

He proved my point by literally smiling at the mention of Pete’s name. He nodded, “I’m sure he’d appreciate it. He’s on his way over soon.”

For some fucking reason we were staying in a seperate hotel to the guys from Fall Out Boy, which didn’t bother me - they were cool guys but I barely knew them - but obviously Mikey wasn’t too happy about that. So it was decided then that Pete would just stay with us. 

It was also decided that the next hotel night we’d all stay in the same hotel. That made much more sense to me, and when I’d expressed that I had been nominated to persuade Brian.

I sipped my coffee as I watched Frank bounce around getting ready for a night off the bus.

Pete arrived not long before we were meant to leave, a toothy grin plastered across his face. Mikey smiled too, that smile that he reserved for Pete. 

It was cute in a way.

Frank sat pressed against me in the van, tracing his hand over my thigh with the softest of smiles on his pretty face. He hummed along to the radio and stared out the window.

I couldn’t help but stare at him. He was so fucking beautiful.

It didn’t really make sense to me. I was a total fucking mess, I had been the entire time Frank knew me. I was only starting to get my shit together but I was still pretty fucked up.

And he was… well, he was perfect.

How the fuck did I deserve him?

He turned then, and for a moment I thought he was going to say something to me but he swivelled his head to join in the conversation between Pete and Mikey.

“Seriously?” He laughed, “Another fucking waterpark? You really enjoy those lazy rivers, huh Mikes?”

“ _ Frank _ !” Mikey hissed and I cringed at the horrible thought of what Pete Wentz had been doing to my brother in the lazy river.

“You told him about that?” Pete widened his eyes and a slight blush creeped onto his cheeks.

Frank cackled, “Wait, you actually did? Dude, what did you do in the lazy river?”

“Oh my God,” Mikey covered his face with his hands.

“You- He didn’t tell you?” Pete frowned.

Frank shook his head, still giggling, “No, man. I fucking guessed. Seems like I was right though!”

“Ew,” I dropped my head onto Frank’s shoulder and hoped I could just tune out the conversation.

I followed Frank into the room and he leapt into my arms as soon as I shut the door.

He kissed me, but not for nearly long enough.

“You need a shower,” He stated as he pulled away.

“Not yet,” I kissed him again, “This first, then we shower,” I muttered against his mouth.

He laughed, still kissing me, but I knew I’d won.

I dropped my bag onto the floor and we made it all the way to the bed before he pulled away again.

“Shower,” He demanded, crossing his arms over his chest. “You haven’t showered in over a week and I love you with all of my heart but, man, you fucking stink.”

“That’s hurtful,” I tried to sound offended but it didn’t really work.

“It’s okay, I smell too. And,” He slipped his hands underneath my t-shirt, cold fingers dancing across my belly, “I can think of lots of ways to make use of our shower.”

That was motivation enough to get me into the shower.

“Why can’t you smoke in hotel rooms?” Frank mumbled against my chest later that afternoon. He was cuddled against me, hot and sweaty, with his ear pressed against my chest like he always did. We both still had damp hair and our wet towels were bundled on the floor at the foot of our bed.

_ Our bed _ . I liked the sound of that.

“Because other people use the rooms,” I laughed.

He hummed, “I guess, but I just really fucking want a smoke right now. Cigarettes after sex is always the best.”

I couldn’t help but agree, “With a coffee too.”

He kissed my chest, “I can try room service for coffees.”

I held him a little tighter, “Maybe soon but I really don’t want you to move yet. I like the way you do this.”

“Me too. I like listening to your heart.”

“It’s all yours,” I whispered into his hair.

His fingers dug into my shoulder a little, “I love you, you know that?”

I laughed, “I know.”

“Don’t say I never did anything for you,” Frank rushed back into the room with two cups of coffee, one in each hand, from the Starbucks a few blocks away. There was a box of cigarettes sticking out of his pocket and I guessed it wouldn’t take long before he broke the  _ no smoking _ rule. 

“Have I told you lately how much I love you?” I grinned as I took the cup from him.

He leaned down to kiss me, “I wouldn’t mind hearing it again. 

“I love you so fucking much, Frankie,” I muttered against his mouth and he kissed me again.

“I love you too, Gee,” He whispered.

I drank my coffee as I watched him wiggle out of his sneakers, sweatpants and hoodie. Then, with his coffee cup clutched tightly in his hand, he crawled into the bed next to me. He tapped his cup against mine.

“Here’s to many more days like this.” He offered me a cigarette. I wasn’t going to turn that down. It hasn’t a rule I was passionate about anyway.

I smiled, “Forever.”

I woke up to the sun setting and Frank was gone.

I sat up with a jolt at that. 

Fuck.

“Frank?” I called for some dumb reason.

I stood, and it was then I noticed the paper on the pillow beside me. I recognised Frank’s messy scrawl almost immediately.

_ G, I got hungry so I’m going to find food. Back soon. I love you!! xofrnk _

I smiled. He was fucking adorable. And I was pretty hungry too. 

We’d spent the day in bed and I must have fallen asleep at some point. We had been watching the remake of  _ Dawn of the Dead _ and Frank had been lying on my chest and… I guess I must have nodded off.

But now I needed to pee.

I forced myself to get out of bed and make my way to the toilet. After peeing, I decided to wash my face with the fancy soaps in the bathroom. I even used some of the moisturiser too. Then I wondered if it was safe for me to use on my face. It said body, hopefully that was safe. 

“Gee!” I heard the door open and I rushed out of the bathroom to meet Frank. He had a small plastic bag hooked on his arm and a pizza box in his hand. He grinned triumphantly, “I got pizza. Did you get my note?”

“I did,” I took the box from him and leaned in to kiss him.

He laughed, “You smell good.”

“Thank you,” I put the pizza on the small table, “I used the creams in the bathroom.”

“Did you get bored?” He chuckled.

I sighed, “I missed you. Why did you leave?”

He gestured to the pizza, “I was hungry. I also got soda and snacks,” He lifted the bag with a grin. “Come on, let’s get into bed. Next hotel day, you can do the errands.”

I stared at the dark red mark on Frank’s chest, next to his  _ Hope _ tattoo, and grinned in delight. I fucking did that. He was mine,  _ mine mine mine mine mine. _

He ran his fingers through my hair as I moved to kiss the two doves around his waist. He giggled a little at that. I traced my fingers across them as I kissed my way down to his thighs. 

“I love you,” I whispered against his skin, kissing the tattoos on his legs. I loved him more than anything in the whole fucking world.

Drawing on Frank had to be one of the most amazing experiences. He lay on the bed with his eyes closed and I doodled on him with the marker he had bought. I wrote some things too. I wrote how much I loved him and how beautiful he was and how I felt. I drew some monsters and a ghost and even a little tombstone. 

And then he wrapped his arms around me, fitting us perfectly together, and we smudged the ink.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof okay, that's a bit of a filler chapter too, I guess. Sorry about that.  
> So I cut most of my hair off and I hate it and I'm really unhappy with it and I just regret it so fucking much so if everyone would like to take my advice - do not go to the hairdressers and ask for a mullet like Meredith Allen's because you'll get one absolutely nothing like it and spend days crying over how much you hate your hair :)  
> Also, my country went back into lockdown this week so that's gonna be great for my mental health :) I still have school though, which is kind of strange but I'm also kind of thankful for.   
> Anyway, how is everyone? I hope you're all doing well. If anyone needs to vent or anything, feel free to do so in the comments. We can have chats, I'm feeling pretty icky right about now myself honestly.  
> I hope you all enjoyed the chapter. I promise next week's is longer and the one I've been writing this week is actually something stupid like almost 30 pages on Google Docs so that's gonna be a fun one.  
> I hope everyone is staying safe. What's everyone's Halloween plans?  
> Let me know what you thought of the chapter!   
> Stay safe and stay spooky!


	11. Mikey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween!...almost. How's everyone doing? What's everyone dressing up as? I'm planning on doing Ziggy Stardust but idk what to wear with it. I guess we'll just see how it works out. If that doesn't go as planned I'm going to just go for like a Tim Burton character vibe or like a witch vibe or something (so basically my everyday look).   
> Okay, well here's the chapter!

We didn’t see Mikey the day before we left for New Jersey, he chose not to call over. 

I was also told that we didn’t have a return flight.

“What the fuck do you mean we don’t have a return flight?”

Gerard shrugged, “It’s an open ended trip. We could end up on the next flight back to LA or we could spend some time there. We just have to wait and see.”

“So how much should I pack?”

“Just fill a suitcase. We do have laundry machines in New Jersey, you’ll be fine.”

“Well judging by you guys, I wouldn’t have thought so,” I grumbled under my breath but trudged back upstairs, trying to think of what I should wear to go meet Frank Iero in New Jersey.

+++

I woke up to Frank yelling, “Mikeyway, get your ass up! It’s hotel day!”

I kind of hated him at that moment.

After Pete had fallen asleep last night I had dragged myself off the sofa and back to my bunk, feeling completely exhausted and spending most of the night tossing and turning.

I groaned into my pillow, knowing that I would have to get up soon but not really wanting to.

“Fuck off.” 

“Good fucking morning to you too!” He called back in a sing-song voice, pulling back my curtain as he sauntered past.

I muttered a string of curses but pulled myself up to follow him to the front of the bus - to the coffee. I grabbed my phone and a hoodie and slipped out of the bunk.

Ray was hopping out of his bunk at the same time as me.

“G’morning,” He smiled and I grunted. He frowned, “Was that you I heard up last night?”

I grunted again, “Yeah. I was- Um. Yeah.”

“Did you get any sleep?”

I shrugged and trudged into the front with him, “A little, but it was pretty shit.” I flopped onto the sofa and tucked my legs underneath me.

Frank was humming at the coffee maker, eating something as he made the coffee.

“Do you sleep easier with Pete?” Ray asked, sitting down next to me. The concern on his face was unmissable, and not for the first time I thought about how we really did not deserve Ray Toro.

“Do you do a lot of sleeping with Pete?” Frank turned his head to flash me a grin.

I flipped him off.

Ray rolled his eyes.

I grabbed my phone and smiled when I saw Pete’s text.

**(09:21)** **_peterpan:_ ** _ good mornin mikeyway _

**(09:28)** **_mikeyway:_ ** _ hey _

**(09:28)** **_mikeyway:_ ** _ are you coming over? _

**(09:29)** **_peterpan:_ ** _ yep just waiting for the guys to head _

**(09:29)** **_peterpan:_ ** _ thank you for last night, sld _

It took me an embarrassingly long amount of time to figure out that  _ sld _ obviously stood for  _ sweet little dude _ . It didn’t make any sense to me how he could be that fucking cute.

**(09:32)** **_mikeyway:_ ** _ i’m always here for you. i was happy to help _

Then, as an afterthought:

**(09:33)** **_mikeyway:_ ** _ i find it better to sleep with you too _

Frank passed me a hug of coffee then and I gulped a mouthful down almost immediately.

“Morning!” Ray greeted my grumpy brother, “Ah so Frank made you get up too?”

“Have some coffee,” Frank handed him a mug, pressing a kiss to his cheek as he did so. He raised an eyebrow at me, “Is Pete on his way over? Will I save him some coffee?”

“I’m sure he’d appreciate it. He’s on his way over soon.” I couldn’t help but smile. They were all so fucking nice to Pete. It was pretty great. 

They didn’t act shitty over him being around all the time or me being away with him. And the guys from Fall Out Boy were the same. It was beyond great.

Frank gulped down his coffee and then grabbed his backpack and started rifling through it. 

“Did everyone pack?” He asked into the bag. It was too early for the amount of energy he had.

“Sure,” Ray said but rolled his eyes. 

“What about the two of you?” Frank looked pointedly at Gerard and I. Okay, I couldn’t blame him for that. We were a little unorganised.

“Coffee,” Gee gestured to the mug. Me too.

“Yes, I have my shit,” I scoffed. I had a duffel bag at the bottom of my bunk with my overnight stuff, although I really didn’t think it was all that necessary. Pete had insisted I pack swim shorts though so I guessed maybe it was necessary.

“Coffee,” Gerard repeated when Frank looked at him again.

After Frank had forced my brother to gather his stuff and then approved Gerard’s hastily packed overnight bag, there was a soft tapping at the door and then Pete bounced onto the bus. I couldn’t help but smile.

“Hey Pete,” Ray waved, “Good morning, man.”

“Morning Ray! How are you guys?” Pete grinned and my heart leapt a little.

Fuck him.

What was he doing to me?

“Frank made us save you some coffee,” Gerard grumbled as Frank passed him a mug.

Pete looked genuinely touched, “Awh man. Thanks guys.”

I rolled my eyes, but secretly enjoyed the fact that they all got along.

We had enough time to drink another cup of coffee before the van arrived to bring us to the hotel. We all practically raced out the door.

Pete and I clambered into the very back of the van, and Ray slid in next to us. Gee, Frank and Bob sat in front of us.

“So, Mikeyway told me that you guys were making a movie,” Pete grinned excitedly. I fucking knew he’d love that.

“Yeah man!” Ray lit up at the mention of it, “We’re gonna call it  _ Life On The Murder Scene _ . We have so much footage for it. It’s gonna be awesome!”

He looked amazed, “It sounds so fucking great, dude. So is that the deal with the cameras?” He gestured to the one in Bob’s lap - he preferred to hold the camera than be on screen.

“Yep! We’re trying to get as much footage as we can so we’ve got cameras on the bus with us to try to record little moments and stuff.”

Pete beamed, “I fucking love it.”

I chuckled, “I knew you would.”

Ray laughed, “It’s fucking great. We have to do, like, interviews and stuff too, just kinda monologuing to the camera, I guess. It’s pretty awesome.”

They talked about the documentary for a while longer and then Ray asked what Pete and I were doing today and I genuinely feared that Pete’s face would split with his grin.

“We’re going to a waterpark.”

Frank turned to look at us then, “Seriously? Another fucking waterpark? You really enjoy those lazy rivers, huh Mikes?” My brother lifted his head and looked mildly traumatised.

I shot the small guitarist a look, “ _ Frank _ !” I tried to sound fierce but I think I just sounded more panicked.

Pete paled and his grin dropped, “You told him about that?” He looked at me accusingly, as if I’d fucking tell Frank about that.

Frank cracked up, “Wait, you actually did? Dude, what did you do in the lazy river?”

The lazy river had been fun. Beyond fun.

It had been fairly empty when we were there and as we floated through the tunnel, I had pulled Pete’s as close as possible and kissed him - long and hard. Emphasis on that last one, because that led to a lot of heavy petting. It was one of the best makeout sessions of my entire life.

“Oh my God,” I muttered, because of course Pete fucking landed us in it. Now I’d have to listen to Frank try to get details of the waterpark for the rest of my fucking life.

“You- He didn’t tell you?” Pete looked between us both, clearly confused.

Frank was fucking delighted with himself. “No, man. I fucking guessed. Seems like I was right though!”

“Ew!” My brother looked like he wanted to disappear and I couldn’t fucking blame him. Me too, Gee. Me fucking too.

“Wait, so what did you get up to in the lazy river?” Frank leaned over the seat slightly. He was talking to Pete now instead of me. Probably because he knew I wouldn’t tell him shit.

Pete’s grin bounced back, a little sly this time. “More like what didn’t we get up to in the lazy river… It was-”

“Gross, that’s my brother,” Gerard mumbled against Frank’s shoulder.

Frank patted his hair, “Just cover your ears, baby.”

“Pete, don’t tell him!” I found my voice.

“That’s not fair!” Frank gaped at me.

“No, Pete, it’s okay. We really don’t need to know,” Ray groaned, covering his face with his hands.

Pete rolled his eyes, “As if I was actually going to tell him.” 

Frank looked appalled and I was almost certain that the muffled sound coming from his shoulder was my brother laughing.

Pete was fidgeting as we waited for Ray to return with the keys to the hotel rooms. The rest of us were crammed onto the sofa in the lobby. I had to keep dropping a hand onto Pete’s knee to stop his leg from bouncing. 

Ray returned and passed out keys and we all leapt up.

“I don’t want to see any of you assholes until we check out in the morning,” Frank declared as he and Gerard headed off towards their room. 

They both looked ridiculously happy.

“Come on, Mikes, we’ve got a waterpark to get to!” 

Somehow this water park trip was even better than the last. Being in the water with Pete was quickly becoming one of my new favourite things. 

His tanned body pressed against mine in the water… It didn’t get much better than that. I would have gladly spent the rest of my life like that.

I had never really been a big fan of water. But it was different with Pete. It was better. I actually really fucking loved being in the water with him.

I was starting to think I actually really fucking loved him.

I knew I did. And it was fucking scary.

I couldn’t let it happen. That was fucking insane.

We walked back to the hotel that day, our hands brushing and the softest of smiles playing on our lips. It was a nice evening and the sun was setting and everything just seemed so perfect.

As we walked across a bridge, Pete pulled me against him and kissed me.

“Mikeyway, you’re so fucking perfect,” He whispered, pressing his forehead to mine.

I rolled my eyes, “Look who’s talking.”

“Seriously,” He reached for my hands, “I’m so happy I met you.”

I kissed him, soft and slow and gentle. “I’m so happy I met you too. I’ve never felt like this before, dude. And I’m genuinely so fucking happy.”

“What are we doing, Mikeyway?” He dropped his head to my shoulder.

“What do you mean?” I frowned, even though I knew what he was talking about. What were we doing? Where were we going with this? Were we going to let ourselves fall in love with each other just to-

“I mean tonight. What’s the plan, Mikes?”

I sighed in relief, “Oh.” Okay maybe I was overthinking.

“Do we have a DVD player in the room?” He pulled back, grinning.

I shrugged, “Maybe?”

“Let’s rent a movie and buy some candy and get into bed together.”

I smiled, “That sounds like a great fucking night.”

Pete was a lot more into the movie than I was. I was far more into the way he looked wrapped up in the duvet next to me, watching the movie with a great intensity and munching on the candy we’d picked up. 

“That was fucking amazing,” He grinned when the movie ended.

I nodded, “Yeah, it was pretty good.” I hadn’t really watched it to be honest. I had been more focused on him. 

“Is this a date, Mikeyway? Because if this isn’t considered a date then- Shit, should we go on an actual date?”

I laughed, “This is a perfect date, Peterpan.”

He hummed, “Well as far as dates go, this is definitely one of the best ever.”

I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him close to me. I kissed him gently and a strange part of me wanted to tell him I loved him.

I couldn’t understand why I felt like this, why it was all happening so soon and what I was meant to do.

Pete seemed to be thinking along the same lines. “Could it last, Mikeyway?”

I chose not to answer, instead I cupped the back of his neck and pulled him in for another kiss.

Could it last?

Did I want it to last?

Of course I did, without a fucking doubt.

I wanted to wake up next to him every morning and fall asleep next to him every night, in our bed, in our home. I wanted to get a dog with him, to argue over dumb things like what we’d have for dinner, over who’d do the dishes. I wanted to hold his hand and kiss him and never even think about being with anyone else for the rest of our lives. I wanted him to never have to worry about tricking himself into falling asleep again. I wanted to know that he’d also have me next to him when he woke up full of fear, to know that I could chase all the nightmares away. I wanted to cook together, drink coffee together. I wanted days in waterparks, and cuddles while watching movies and eating candy. I wanted kisses on bridges and watching the sunset together and knowing that we would always be safe and secure. I wanted to love him forever, I wanted him to love me forever.

I wanted the life I knew I could never have, the life we could never have.

I wanted it to last, but I knew it couldn’t.

Us lasting would mean ruining our bands. It would mean no one would ever look at us the same way again.

Could I really put him through that? Put myself through that? My brother, my band, his band? It would change everything, and even though I loved him I couldn’t do that.

_ No _ , I thought sadly,  _ it couldn’t last. _

I was going to hurt him, it was inevitable, and I hated myself for it.

+++

“It’s too early,” I grumbled the next morning as I walked down the stairs, pulling my suitcase along behind me. It wasn’t even morning, it was still fucking night. I usually go to bed at this time.

Okay, maybe that was more of a reflection on me and my fucked up sleep habits as opposed to the time we had to get up at but fucking still.

I was tired. It was still only five am, if even, and I was fucking tired.

Gerard was still in the shower, which I was glad for. He was putting in an effort for Frank and it was utterly heartwarming. 

Or maybe he was just having a shower… 

Whatever the reason, I was glad he was showering.

He wasn’t as bad as I knew he used to be, he was fairly fucking clean nowadays. There were no more clothes that rotted off of him. But that didn’t mean that he didn’t sometimes forget about showering.

I left my suitcase and bag in the hall and headed into the kitchen, making a beeline for the coffee machine. 

I was sitting at the breakfast bar, nursing a mug of coffee, when Mikeyway came in.

“Oh thank God,” He muttered as he walked over to the machine.

I grunted in response.

He nodded as if in agreement. He poured himself a mug then sat down next to me.

We sat in a comfortable silence.

Gerard came down not too long after and beamed, “Ooh coffee. Coffee.”

“You’re an asshole,” Mikey said as his brother poured some coffee. “An eight AM flight is too fucking early.”

Gerard rolled his eyes, “I just got us a flight, I didn’t specifically pick an early one.”

“What time do we get in at?” I gulped down the rest of my coffee.

“Around four, local time. Hopefully. We need to get going soon though.”

They finished their coffees and I panicked over making sure we had everything. 

Then, when we were all ready, Gerard herded us out the door and into the car and locked the place up behind us.

“Stop fidgeting,” Mikey sighed, not for the first time.

“Sorry,” Gerard and I muttered in unison, then we both looked at each other and laughed. He was a little out of it, but thankfully he hadn’t tried to touch my face or trade shoes. Yet.

He’d probably rock my platform boots, and I’d rock his Docs but I doubted we were the same shoe size. In fact, I knew we weren't. Gerard had big feet. I was a small person.

Mikey rolled his eyes. “There’s no need to worry.” But he was fidgeting too.

We had gotten to the airport with plenty of time and after we had checked in our luggage and went through security, we walked around the duty free shops. I picked up a book and a couple magazines for the flight, Gerard and Mikey did the same, and then we waited at the gate.

I was nervous, of course I was, we all were. But I was also unbelievably excited. 

It didn’t feel real.

We were going to meet Frank Iero, how insane was that?

I held Gerard’s hand as we boarded the plane, both for my own reassurance and the fact that the Xanax he had taken for the flight was starting to kick in.

We sat together in a row - Gerard at the window, me in the middle and Mikey on the aisle. 

“No going back now,” I said shakily and Mikey scoffed. I squeezed Gerard’s hand, but he was already asleep.

+++

Pete was on his laptop when I got out of the shower. I guessed he was taking advantage of having a stable internet connection. 

“Do you have anything I can wear?” I asked as I glanced into my bag. I had thrown in my jeans, jacket, underwear and even some pyjama pants, but I’d completely forgotten to bring a clean shirt.

He glanced up with a raised eyebrow, “I’m not opposed to the look you’ve got going currently.” He powered off his laptop and grinned.

I rolled my eyes, standing by the foot of the bed in just a towel and wondering how I got here.

He sighed, “Yes, of course I have something you can wear, Mikeyway. But I like this look a lot better right now and we have all night to enjoy it.” He made his way over to me and kissed my shoulder.

I laughed. He was cute when he was desperate.

I dropped the towel then.

Leaving the hotel the next morning felt a lot shittier than I had expected it to. I wanted to spend the rest of my life wrapped in bed with Pete and I hated having to leave.

The one upside was the black  _ Clandestine Industries  _ hoodie that he gave me when we were getting dressed. It smelled like him, and I couldn’t help but love having something of his.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frank is gonna be here soon and I'm so fucking excited to share it! Frank is genuinely one of my favourite characters to write in this and I cannot wait to share more of him, because I can promise he does become more central to the story very soon.  
> Anyway, this is the last chapter before Halloween so happy Halloween y'all. Enjoy the last day of spooky season and stay safe.  
> That being said, this is also the last time I'll be posting before the election. So once again, I urge any of you in the USA who can vote to get out there and vote. This is more important than ever, so please vote. I don't think it needs to be said, but I'll say it anyway - Vote Blue. Walking Bag of Shit - as Ray Toro kindly named him - needs to be voted out. Look at all the damage he's done in the four years he's been in office, imagine how much worse it could get. Vote him out. Now is your time to make a change. Use your voice.  
> Happy Halloween, I hope everyone has a good one despite all the craziness of 2020.  
> Stay safe and stay spooky, and get out to vote!


	12. Gerard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,, just wanna give a little warning here that there's mentions of homophobia within this chapter, just in case anyone will find it upsetting or triggering.

Gerard slept for a lot of the five hour flight, which I guess was pretty understandable seeing as he hadn’t slept at all the night before and he was obviously pretty out of it.

Mikey fell in and out of sleep. 

“Hey, are you okay?” I looked up from my book as he yawned and stretched.

He shrugged, “I guess. I think I just realised that all we have left between us are memories. We loved each other so much. It was a love that- It was beyond love. I’ve never felt anything like it. And I was too young to love like that.”

I scoffed. Gerard snored softly beside me.

“I know, I was older than you,” He rolled his eyes, “But you get what I mean, don’t you? Right person, wrong time. And there’s no correcting that. The saddest thing is that I don’t even know if I’d want to try.”

“Do you still love him?”

“A love like ours isn’t something that just goes away.” 

_ That ultra kinda love you never walk away from…  _

I stayed quiet after that, going between reading my book and sleeping.

I had to wake Gerard when we landed. Mikey just laughed at his groggy brother.

“Fuck you, Mikeyway,” He mumbled as he slipped his sunglasses on. 

I stuck close to Gerard as we navigated our way through the airport. I wanted to get coffee, but we had to prioritise collecting our luggage. And then we found  _ Enterprise _ , so we could rent a car. We let Mikey take the lead with that.

“So… coffee?” I asked hopefully as I climbed into the backseat.

Gerard nodded, “Coffee.”

Mikey agreed, “Coffee.”

+++

Frank got into a fight a couple of days after the hotel, when we were in San Diego. He was a shithead, he was full of fucking trouble, and so it did not surprise me in the fucking least. 

Warped Tour was chaotic. That’s just how it was. I was noticing it all more this time round, being sober. 

That day we played in the afternoon, it wasn’t one of the late running days. Everything was finished before eight PM. We played in the afternoon, around two or three PM, and Fall Out Boy were the last to play. 

But we were only a couple of hours away from Long Beach, where we would be playing the next day, which led to the decision to have a party on the site after the tour goers left. Just band members, crew members, touring members and the like. 

As I said, the tour was chaotic. So of course were there to be a party that was going to be complete chaos. And yet, against my better judgement, I agreed to go.

Some guy named Nick was talking to Mikey as we watched Fall Out Boy play their set.

Mikey just looked irritated, but that was a look I’d grown to expect when someone tried to interact with him when Fall Out Boy were playing. He didn’t care about the rest of the world, was just simply transfixed by Pete’s playing, and anything that came in the way of that seemed to him to serve only as a nuisance. It was irritating, but I suppose it was cute in a way too. He was in love, but I knew he’d kill me if I even suggested that.

That Nick guy was rambling on and on and Mikey was looking more and more irritated. 

“Mikey fucking Way!” Pete yelled as he ran across the stage to meet him, Mikey joined him without hesitation, taking the guitar he was offered and not even giving myself or Nick a second glance.

“So are you coming?” Nick turned to me, and I realised that in Mikey’s absence I had to socialise. Yikes.

“Oh, um… What exactly is happening?” 

“A party later. Everyone is going. Are MCR gonna be there?” He raised an eyebrow. 

I idly wondered what his band was like. I hadn’t gone to any of their sets but he was annoying me already.

I realised then that maybe Mikey and I were just assholes. Huh…

“Um, yeah? Sure, I guess. If everyone’s going…”

“Neat!” He grinned, “We’re all big fans of you guys, man!”

“Uh… thank you. Thanks dude.”

I looked out to the stage to where my brother was playing his little heart out and Pete was staring at his ass.

Gross.

“Are you gonna be okay?” Frank asked, as if I hadn’t been around beer at all in the past year.

“Yes,” I rolled my eyes, “It’ll be fun.”

He nodded, “Okay, but just say the word and we can go.”

I smiled. He was perfect. “I’ll be okay, sweetheart.”

He hooked his fingers into the belt loops of my jeans and tugged me closer.

“No making out in the communal area!” Mikey appeared in the bunk area then, making that disgusted face of his. I’m pretty sure he picked that up from me at a young age, but he just ran with it.

“Hey guys,” Pete grinned, trailing in behind Mikey. 

“Hi Pete,” I sighed and dropped my head onto Frank’s shoulder.

“Someone just got laid,” Frank sang teasingly and Mikey kicked something at him.

It was proving more and more difficult to get a moment alone with Frank.

Mikey stepped past us and moved to open the door to Ray’s makeshift studio.

“Toro, stop being a hermit!” He called, to which Ray grunted in response. Mikey headed into the small bathroom then.

Frank laughed and pulled away a little to stick his head in the doorway, “Come on, Ray! You gotta go enjoy the tour. Let’s go, let’s go!”

Ray made his way into the bunks then, rolling his eyes. “Why do we have to go?”

“Because you’re one of the headlining acts,” Pete pointed out as he dangled from Mikey’s bunk, looking around for something. 

Frank smirked delightly and started to tickle the backs of his knees. Pete’s legs jerked wildly and Frank cackled.

I sighed, knowing fully well that this would end in Frank getting kicked in the face and Pete falling from the bunk. 

I was right.

“How’s your cheek?” Ray asked Frank as we stepped off the bus. Mikey covered his mouth to hide his laughter.

Frank rubbed the side of his face, “It could be worse.” He was fine. Pete’s legs had been jerking around and his foot had collided with Frankie’s face. It was fucking hilarious, after I’d realised Frank hadn’t been hurt of course.

“You shouldn’t have tickled me, Iero,” Pete scoffed.

“Fuck you, Wentz,” Frank laughed in response.

I glanced over at Mikey, who was shaking his head in disbelief. He seemed just as shocked as I was over the budding friendship between the two. He had the smallest smile playing on his lips, and not for the first time I was grateful for Pete Wentz being in his life. He made him smile in a way I had never imagined to be possible. He made him happy in a way I had never imagined to be possible. I was happy to see it, I was happy Pete had come into our lives.

Frank slipped his hand into mine as we walked and I saw Pete pull a face. It took me a long moment to realise that Mikey was keeping a considerable amount of distance between them, as if he didn’t want people to know they were together. 

Oh.

Well that was fucking strange. 

I made a mental note to ask my brother about it later.

Ray complained about how much work he could be doing if we weren’t going to a dumb party. I couldn’t argue with him there, it was a fucking dumb party. But then again, I thought most social gatherings were dumb.

We all followed Pete as he weaved his way through the crowd. Mikey walked close by him, the two muttering to each other. 

Frank kept his hand in mine. I didn’t see a problem with it.

Pete led us to where the rest of his band were gathered. They were with a couple of guys I didn’t really know but they all greeted us warmly.

“Hey guys!” Patrick said cheerily, waving. He was a good kid. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes a little glassy. “Do you want a drink? I can go grab you some beers, I need a refill anyway.”

Frank’s grip on my hand tightened ever so slightly. “I’ll just have a Coke.”

“Me too,” I offered Patrick a warm smile, hoping to counteract the death glare he was getting from Frank.

He headed off then, and Bob followed him. Pete and Mikey were standing to the side, talking in hushed voices and looking a little tense. Ray was speaking to Joe, and Andy was nowhere to be seen.

Nothing was wrong but everything just felt  _ off _ .

We all stood around talking, and mostly keeping to ourselves for a little while. Frank was quiet, and a little jumpy, and that was freaking me out a little too. 

There was loud music blasting through the small area - of course there was, it was a fucking  _ music _ festival.

“Come dance with me,” I tugged Frank into the middle of the crowd and wrapped my arms around his waist. He leaned into me and I laughed, “You don’t need to be so worried, sweetheart.”

He kissed my jaw, “Sweetheart, huh? That’s new. It just scares me to think about the way you were, about how dark it all got. I don’t want that to ever happen again. I know I’m worrying over nothing but I just…” 

“I’m okay, Frank,” I promised, “I’m not gonna break over Patrick offering me a beer, or just being at a party. I’m not the same person that I was last year. Okay?”

He nodded, dropping his head onto my shoulder. I dropped a kiss onto his hair.

“I love you so fucking much, Gerard Way. You get that? You’re my whole fucking world. I don’t- I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to you, okay? I couldn’t fucking- I just- Fuck, I can’t picture my life without you in it, okay? I can’t lose you. Don’t ever- If anything ever-”

“Frankie,” I tilted his chin up and gently pressed my lips to his, “You’re not gonna lose me,” I muttered against his mouth between kisses, “I’m here.” Another kiss. “I’m right fucking here, Frank,” I whispered against his lips, “I’m not going anywhere. Ever.”

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me tight against him, kissing me sloppily. His mouth moved messily against mine.

I tried to tell him I loved him, but he was holding me so firmly against his lips I couldn’t get the words out. 

His fingers ran through the hair at the nape of my neck and I dug my fingers into his hips.

“I love you,” I muttered into his mouth as he kissed me, “I love you, I love you…”

I just wanted a way to show him how much I adored him.

“Hey faggots!”

I stumbled then as something -  _ someone  _ \- collided with me. 

“No one fucking wants to see that shit, fag!” A big guy shoved at me again, pushing against my chest this time. I stumbled again. I didn’t know the guy, but I recognised him. His band were on one of the smaller stages and I’d seen him around a couple times, but I didn’t fucking know the guy.

“Don’t fucking push me, asshole,” I scoffed, because really? This was so fucking dumb. 

“What are you gonna do about it, fag?” He pushed me again and I squeezed my hands into fists. There was no fucking way I could take that guy in a fight, but who the fuck does shit like that?

Frank grabbed my arm, steadying me, and then fucking squared up to him. This guy was definitely at least six foot tall, and Frank looked tiny in comparison to him. And yet he was fucking squaring up to him.

“What the fuck did you just say?” Frank pushed at him, but he remained planted to the spot. 

“You fucking heard me,  _ faggot _ ,” He spat, “No one fucking wants to see that shit. It’s fucking disgusting. You’re a little fucking freak! Just because you’re sick in the head doesn’t mean we wanna fucking see that shit.”

“Frankie, come on, it’s not worth it,” I folded my hand over his closed fist and tugged his arm a little.

“Are you brain dead, fag? I said no one wants to see it!” The big guy pushed me again.

“Dude, can you just-” I started.

Someone’s fist collided with the side of my face and I dropped to the ground. Frank spun, wide eyed, and reached for me but then the big guy was pushing at him again and before I could even process what was happening, Frank was tackling the big guy.

I could taste blood in my mouth and…

Frank was tackling the fucking big guy.

_ Oh for fucks sake _ …

“Frank!” I struggled to my feet as a small crowd began to gather around them. I tried to push my way through but someone was shoving me, calling me a faggot and a cock-sucker and fucking spitting at me.

“What the fuck, man?” I shoved back at him. 

He was getting right in my fucking face and pushing me further away from Frank and-

“Hey asshole!” Andy fucking Hurley decked the guy and I stared in absolute awe. He turned to me, “You good?” 

I nodded just as the guy fucking lunged for Andy.

Who the fuck were these assholes?

There was yelling all around us, people pushing and shoving. 

Andy shoved the guy off of him, narrowly avoiding getting punched himself and-

The whole fucking world tilted.

I dropped to the ground as a blinding pain shot from the back of my head.

Something collided with my side a few times and it took me too long to register that I was being kicked. I curled in on myself as best as I could.

“Gerard!” Mikey was yelling. I was able to pick him out from the crowd of screaming. I could hear the panic in his voice. “Get off my fucking brother!”

The kicking stopped a moment later and then Mikey was pulling me up. The world spun yet again as my brother pulled me away.

“Gerard?” He cupped my cheeks and stared right into my eyes, as if he could read into my soul and find out what had happened. He ran his hands over me then and took a sharp intake of breath. I glanced at his hand and saw the blood on his fingers. 

Fuck.

Mikey’s eyes widened then, and he was yelling once again. “Pete!” Concern was written across his face as he looked into the crowd.

Pete was in there somewhere.

Pete… 

Shit.

_ Frank. _

“Frankie!” I tried to pull myself away from Mikey, but he held onto me.

He was still looking, but some of the concern had faded. “Frank is fine. Come on, let’s get you out of here.” He gripped my elbow and pulled me towards what I presumed was our bus. I followed, because I wasn’t sure what else to do.

My head was pounding, my ears were ringing.

Ouch. 

“Where’s Frank?” 

Mikey sighed, “Pete and the guys are with him. He’s fine.”

“Is he okay?” Patrick joined us as Mikey fumbled to open the bus door. I took this as an opportunity to glance around, but as soon as I began to move Mikey was yanking me up onto the bus. I could tell he was annoyed.

“I’m fine,” I told Patrick. I could still taste blood and I realised that I had bitten the inside of my cheek. I was a total dumbass… 

“Will you go get some ice please, Trick?” Mikey directed me to sit on the sofa.

I couldn’t help but notice that Mikey was using Pete’s nickname for the younger guy.

Where the fuck was Frank? If he was with  _ Pete and the guys _ did that mean he was on Fall Out Boy’s bus?

“Sure, sure,” He rushed off the bus and Mikey grabbed a cloth from the small counter.

“What the hell happened?” My brother glared at me as he pressed the cloth to the back of my head.

I didn’t get a chance to answer. We could hear voices and then the door flung open.

“Don’t freak out!” Joe yelled.

I freaked out instantly.

So did Mikey.

We both jumped up from the couch.

Ray appeared then, lifting Frank onto the bus with him.

My heart dropped for a moment and then I realised that Frank was thrashing about, struggling against Ray’s iron grip. Bob, who shut the door behind them, was standing close by too, as if he half expected to have to drag Frank back.

“Fucking asshole!” Frank was yelling, “Fucking homophobic fucking fuck!”

“Dickhead! Pig headed fucking dickhead! Kiss my fucking ass!” Pete screeched too as Andy pulled him onto the bus.

Andy’s glasses were gone and he had busted knuckles, and I instantly thought of the way he had decked that guy. I decided then that Andy Hurley was not a guy I wanted to cross.

Upon realising that Pete was okay, Mikey pushed me back onto the couch.

“They can’t fucking hear you, dumbass,” Joe sighed. He seemed fine, aside from the fact that someone had clearly thrown a drink over him.

My brother grabbed onto Pete, checking him over.

“Are you okay?” I called out to Frank.

He looked at me then, and I noticed that his nose was bleeding and his lip was busted. But he was fucking grinning. He seemed okay.

Ray let him go and he went instantly to my side, settling next to me on the couch.

“I’m gonna go find Worm and Cortez so we can get the fuck out of here,” Bob declared.

I barely noticed him getting off the bus, barely noticed my friends around me. All I could think about was the boy sitting next to me.

Frank raised his hand and gingerly touched the back of my head. He gently forced my head forward so he could take a look, “Are you okay, Gee? You got hit with a fucking bottle, are you-”

“I got ice!” Patrick held up a bucket. 

We were all relatively silent as the ice was passed out, wrapped up in little cloths. It was only really Frank, Pete and I who needed it. 

I got a fucking bottle smashed over the back of my head. No fucking wonder my head was killing me.

Who the fuck hit me with a bottle?

Fucking scumbag.

I held the little bundle of ice to the back of my head and watched Frank wipe the blood from around his nose, holding the ice to the left side of his face.

Mikey was stressed. I could just fucking tell. He was stressed about Pete. He was stressed about Frank and he was stressed about me. He was stressed that we’d been dumb enough to get into a fucking fight. It was fucking stressful. And so fucking dumb. But at least we were all okay. It could have been worse. Everything was okay. None of us had even gotten hurt, not really anyway.

I wanted to tell Mikey this, but it just didn’t seem like the right time. 

“Let me see your head,” Ray broke the silence. He was frowning and it took me a moment to register that he was talking to me. He sat down on my other side and I tilted my head forward so he could check the back of my head. I hissed a little as he ran his fingers over the bump forming. Frank took my hand then.

“Is it still bleeding?” Mikey asked, worry seeping into his tone, and I heard Pete gasp a little.

“Shit it’s bleeding?” He kept his voice low but I still heard him, still recognised the panic.

“There’s a cut on his neck,” Ray explained, “The glass just nicked him.”

“Is it still bleeding?” Mikey repeated.

Ray chuckled, “No, Mikes, he’s fine.” He let my head go and I sat properly once more, pressing the ice back to the bump once more.

Oh thank fucking God.

“Everyone is fine,” Frank said cheerily, “No need for anyone to panic.”

Ray shot him a look which silenced him instantly.

It went without saying that we were leaving as soon as we possibly could. The so-called party out in the middle of the lot was getting messier and messier by the minute. There was nothing but bad vibes.

When Bob returned, the guys from Fall Out Boy said goodbye and headed off to their own bus. Pete reluctantly left Mikey and went with them.

Frank and I slipped away to the bunks as soon as the bus started moving.

+++

“What does everyone want?” Mikey pulled into a  _ Dunkin’ Donuts _ . He drove towards the drive thru window.

“Are we getting food with our coffees? Or just donuts? We are getting donuts too, right?” Gerard looked at his younger brother expectantly.

“Should we get Frank a coffee too?” I leaned forward between the seats to join in the conversation. “How far are we from his house?”

Mikey glanced at me and shrugged, “About ten minutes. More or less.”

“That’s a nice idea,” Gerard offered me a smile and then looked back to his brother, “Mikeyway, can you please get a box of donuts?”

Gerard ordered a latte with fancy syrup in it. I ordered a cappuccino. Mikey ordered a regular coffee for himself and for Frank. And we got a box of a dozen donuts that smelled absolutely incredible, which made me realise how hungry I was. 

But we all agreed to wait until we got to Frank’s, so my stomach just grumbled unhappily as we drove.

“Should we not have gone to the hotel first?” Mikey tapped his fingers against the wheel as he drove. He was nervous. So was I. And I guess Gerard was too, but he was a lot better at hiding it.

“We’re not staying in a hotel.” Oh he wouldn’t…

“So where are we staying?” 

Gerard hesitated. He would, of course he would. sighed, “Mikeyway, this is our home. We have friends here. We-”

I gasped, “We can’t stay with Frank!”

He tilted his head to look at me, smiling a little, “You’re too fucking quick, kid.”

“She has a point,” Mikey pointed out, “I mean, Frank doesn’t even know that the two of you are with me. Do you really think it’s such a great idea to just expect him to let us stay there?”

Gerard’s smile changed, grew and softened. “It’s Frankie,” He said gently, as if that explained it all away. 

And I suppose it did.

Mikey nodded and even chuckled a little, “Well we lived in a van together for years, I’m sure he can deal with us in his house for a few days.”

So it was decided then that we were staying with Frank… hopefully.

I still thought it was a little weird, a little pushy, to just arrive at Frank’s door unannounced and expect him to let us stay. But hey, what did I know?

The drive to Frank’s house was far shorter than I expected it to be. Before I knew it, Mikey was pulling up outside a nice house and killing the engine. He glanced at me in the rearview mirror, giving me a strange look. I knew what it meant.

_ Here we go again _ .

+++

“Mikey’s mad,” Frank laughed as I traced my finger over his bruising cheek.

“I hope it’s not at us.”

He rolled his eyes, “No, he’s mad at those assholes starting on us. He’s mad that- Wait, do you not talk to him about what’s going on?”

“What do you mean?” I frowned.

He sighed, “You know, him and Pete and stuff like that. Mikes and I were literally only talking about it earlier today. It- Well it doesn’t matter because I don’t want to gossip but it just pisses him off that he can’t just…” He trailed off, looking a little confused.

“Just hold Pete’s hand?” I offered, thinking of my brother’s reluctance to do so earlier. I decided I’d talk to him about it. I wanted him to open up to me. I liked that he had Frank to turn to but I wanted him to know that he could talk to me too. He always had, so I didn’t see why that had to change now just because he was with Pete.

“Exactly! He’s mad at the world, Gee, not you.” Frank kissed me briefly but quickly pulled away, grimacing a little. “My fucking lip hurts!” 

The next morning, we stayed hidden in my bunk until we absolutely had to get up. 

And that came in the form of Brian Schechter yelling.

“I thought you were touring,” I yawned as Frank and I made our way to the front of the bus.

Brian checked us both over. “I was. And then you absolute  _ morons _ got into a fucking fight.”

“We’re all fine, Bri,” Ray assured him.

“ _ Fine _ ?” Brian exclaimed, “They got beaten up!” He whirled back to us, “You got beaten up!”

“Only a little,” Frank sighed, “And I’ll have you know that I gave just as good as I got.”

Brain scoffed but didn’t press it. He gestured for us to sit down and we did. Frank sprawled across one of the sofas, dropping his legs onto Mikey’s lap and I sat down at the table. 

I didn’t doubt Frank. His knuckles were bruised and split, and apparently Ray had to pry him away from the commotion.

Little shithead as fucking per. 

I wanted a coffee.

I settled for a cigarette.

“Look, I checked it out and those guys are only on the tour until the tenth. They’re not going to Canada,” Brian told us, “And apparently they’re known for being…”

“Dickheads?” Ray offered and I laughed.

“Well, yeah, for lack of a better word,” Brian shrugged, “It’s less than two weeks though, you know? Just fucking avoid them please.”

“Oh no, there goes my plans for being best buds with them all,” Toro rolled his eyes.

Frank sniggered and muttered something to my brother.

“Fuck off, Frank,” Mikey finally spoke. There was the slightest hint of a smile playing on his lips.

“Now is not the time for smart comments,” Brian shot them both a look, “I heard the guys from Fall Out Boy stepped in. Are they all okay?”

“Yeah, Mikey, is Pete okay?” Frank fucking giggled and I thought back to the bet between him and Ray. I think Ray had won it… Maybe. 

Or had it been Frank?

Fuck. That was gonna annoy me.

“Frank, you do realise there are more guys in the band than just Pete?” Brian rolled his eyes, “I hope the two of you thanked them for helping out last night.”

Frank leaned in to whisper something to Mikey, who covered his mouth with his hand as he laughed. 

I rolled my eyes, “Bri, we’re not kids.” It didn’t exactly help my case having Mikey and Frank giggling like school kids next to me, so I chose to ignore them, “Come on, man. Who even told you?”

“Bob, seeing as none of you assholes thought I needed to know,” He sighed, “Look everything is sorted, it’s fine, they’ll be out of your hair in a couple weeks.”

“And why couldn’t this be said over the phone?” Ray raised an eyebrow.

“Because I clearly can’t trust you guys,” Brian headed over to the coffee maker, “So I had to come check up on you. And now you’re stuck with me until tomorrow.” He poured a mug full.

“We don’t need a babysitter,” I grumbled.

He practically slammed the mug down in front of me, “Drink your damn coffee and prove it.”

+++

Getting out of the car was an ordeal. We were all nervous. And then we couldn’t figure out how to open the trunk.

“It’s the fucking button,” Gerard leaned over to press one of the buttons on the dashboard.

Mikey swatted his hand away, “That’s not- How do you think that’s the button? That’s the fuckin hazards, dumbass.”

“Guys,” I sighed.

“Not that one, this- Stop that!” Gerard pulled his hand back as Mikey flicked it away.

I rolled my eyes, “Mikes-”

“Stop pressing stuff!”

“I’m just-”

“Mikey!” I exclaimed and they both turned to look at me. “It’s on the fucking keys, dumbass.”

I held Frank’s coffee - mine was already gone, my backpack slung over my shoulder and my suitcase gripped tightly in my free hand.

For once I wasn’t the most disastrous.

Gerard almost dropped the donut box when he was putting his backpack on, and again when he took his suitcase out of the trunk. 

Mikey looked so fucking done. He carried his backpack on his shoulders and his duffel in his hand, then offered to hold my suitcase. I declined. He ignored me and took it anyway.

“Are we sure this is a good idea?” I asked as Mikey stopped Gee and I a few steps away from the door. Okay, yeah,  _ that _ was probably a good idea. Maybe we should have waited in the car… 

“A little late now,” Gerard muttered.

“Just wait here and let me do the talking,” Mikey shot us both a look, then walked up the steps to the door.

Frank answered almost immediately, “Mikeyway!”

My heart leapt as Frank threw his arms around Mikey, hugging him tightly.

“Mikey fucking Way!” The joy was clear in his voice, “It’s so great to see you, I-  _ Oh _ …” Frank’s gaze landed on Gerard and I, standing awkwardly at the bottom of the steps. His grin widened and he bounded down the steps to hug Gerard. “Gee! What the hell, man? You didn’t tell me you were coming! It’s so good to see you!”

They held onto each other for a moment too long.

And then Frank was frowning at me, “Who’s this?”

Why was a frown the reaction I always seemed to get?

“This is the kid,” Mikey told him.

I offered the coffee, “Hi, I’m Nell.”

“Is this for me?” He took the cup cautiously. I nodded. He looked at Gerard, “Is it safe to drink it?”

He laughed, “Of course. Now invite us in, we have donuts.”

He sipped the coffee, “Sure, come on in. I’m guessing this is more than just a flying visit.” He took my suitcase and made his way back up the steps. 

Gerard followed him and I couldn’t help but note the way they moved together - it was as if they moved as one. Gerard moved  _ with _ Frank, as if he was simply another part of him.

Mikey walked in with me, a frown etched over his face. He seemed just as confused as I was. I guess we’d both expected it to go just about as well as his meeting with Pete.

Huh.

I suppose it was a pleasant surprise.

Frank Iero’s house was almost exactly how one would expect Frank Iero’s house to look.

It was great.

And then it somehow got better.

A blur of black and brown fur came bounding around the corner, almost skidding into the wall. She bounded right up to me and nearly knocked me off my feet.

“Ooh, dog!” Mikey actually sounded fucking excited for once, as I stumbled.

“Lois, no!” Frank tried to sound scolding but he was laughing, catching my arm as I nearly tripped.

“Hi Lois!” I beamed and knelt down to rub her. She jumped up almost instantly, balancing her paws on my shoulders as she sniffed and tried to lick my face. I grinned and scratched behind her ears.

Mikey dropped down next to me, scratching her back and smiling as she tilted her head back to lick his chin.

She was so adorable.

Frank left my suitcase in the hallway, prompting Gerard and Mikey to dump their things in the same place. Then we followed Frank through to the kitchen. He gestured for us to sit.

“Sorry, I just- I wasn’t expecting you so soon. I would have organised myself a little more if I did,” He laughed a little sheepishly. It was adorable.

He was adorable.

He was wearing black cuffed sweatpants, a faded t-shirt and a pair of slides. I took a long moment to appreciate his tattoos. They were even more amazing in person. 

I was staring, I was fully aware that I was staring. But it was fucking Frank Iero. 

Gerard dropped the box of donuts onto the table and Frank offered to make some coffee. He bustled around with the biggest grin on his face, chatting to Gee and Mikey. I just watched it all in complete fascination. From the floor, where I was playing with a very excited Lois.

“You should have brought Toro, made it a reunion,” He laughed and my heart dropped a little. 

This was too fucking much.

When we were all sitting at the table and had a cup of coffee and a donut in front of us, and Lois was resting her head on my legs looking unbelievably sad that I’d stopped playing, Frank finally looked at me.

I was only half paying attention, as I scratched Lois behind her ears. Her eyes closed in content. 

“So who’s the kid?”

“Oh, that’s just Nell,” Gerard offered me a warm smile.

I tried to return it as I chewed a mouthful of donut, my other hand still on Lois.

“Okay,” He rolled his eyes, “Well what’s going on then?”

“Does there have to be something going on for us to come to Jersey to see you?” Mikey scoffed.

Frank frowned, looking at me again briefly, “Yeah, when you show up on my doorstep with some random kid, there has to to be something going on.”

“Maybe we just wanted to see you,” Gerard shrugged.

“You dumbasses always were terrible liars,” Frank chuckled, “If you were really just here because you wanted to see me, then why bring your…” He trailed off, gesturing to me.

“Kid,” Mikey supplied.

Frank looked completely perplexed, “Your kid?”

“Gerard’s kid, not mine. And not technically his, obviously. You know, you’d know by now if he had a grown ass kid. I guess she’s-”

“I’m writing a book.”

Mikey whirled to look at me, “What part of  _ let me do the talking _ did you not understand? Or the whole  _ do not mention the book _ thing? Seriously, kid.”

“In my defense, you didn’t explicitly say do not mention the book… this time.” I pointed out. Lois nudged my hand, then bounded off again.

“It was a given!”

Gerard sighed and turned to Frank, “She’s a little bit weird but she means well. The book thing is… Well, it’s sort of why we’re here.”

Frank still frowned.

Mikey tried once again to take over, “She’s writing about Pete and I too.”

He still looked confused.

And the penny dropped.

“Oh.  _ Oh _ . Oh wow. That’s… How much do you know?” He raised an eyebrow, looking at me.

I shrugged, “Enough, I guess.” I watched as Lois pounced on a tennis ball, flicking it across the room. She raced after it.

“Are you okay, Frankie?” Gerard’s hand jerked a little, as if he considered reaching out to touch Frank but he seemed to think better of it.

Frank simply nodded, “Um, yeah I suppose I am. I just- Why are you here?”

They all looked at me expectantly.

_ To give the story an ending _ didn’t seem like the right thing to say.

But I didn’t want to lie to Frank.

So I chose my own truth. “I wanted to meet you. And I’d really love to get your perspective.” I offered him a smile.

“What have you been doing?”

I shrugged, “Interviews, I guess. Really I just set up a recorder and let Gee or Mikeyway rant.”

He smirked a little, “I’m sure that’s been going well.”

I laughed, “Also notes and stuff, which is pretty helpful.” 

“Who are you again?”

Lois skidded across the room, running laps with the ball clutched in her mouth.

“The kid,” Mikey sighed exasperatedly, as if that answered everything and he was tired of having to repeat himself.

I rolled my eyes, barely looking away from the dog, “I’m Nell.” I knew that wasn’t exactly informative but I wasn’t exactly sure what else to say.

“Baby Way,” Mikey added, and when I glanced up he had a slight fond smile toying on his lips. I returned it.

“Wait, that’s new,” Gerard gaped, looking genuinely shocked, “I like that one.”

“Baby Way?” Frank covered his mouth with his hand, stifling laughter.

“She’s my kid-”

“Not actually,” I pointed out.

Gerard continued, “I think she stalked Mikey a little, maybe some blackmail too, and then he decided to befriend her-”

Frank nodded along, “Obviously, what else would you do.” He was completely serious. “If you’re Mikeyway,” He added.

Gerard rolled his eyes, “And then I met her and now she’s our kid.”

“I have never claimed her as  _ my  _ kid,” Mikey pointed out, “No offense, kid.”

“Well I have. She’s my kid,” Gerard smiled brightly at me, “She lives with me.” 

“Permanently?” It sounded like news to Mikey.

Lois had stopped running around and she was now staring expectantly at me, a few feet away from me.

Gee shrugged, “Well yeah, obviously.”

“So you’re just gathering up strays now, huh, Gee?” Frank teased. He smiled at me then, “You know, she’s waiting for you to throw her ball.”

Lois wiggled excitedly at the mention of the ball. 

I grinned and crouched down playfully, “I’m gonna get your ball…”

Her wiggling intensified and she did a little play bow.

“She’s gonna jump on your face,” Gerard chuckled.

I glanced over and saw Frank with his phone in his hand, recording the interaction.

Lois grunted a little at the loss of my attention.

I leapt forward a little and she dropped the ball, giving me the perfect opportunity to snatch it up. She wiggled again, waiting for me to throw it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well fuck me... I'm about to go on a little rant here, so bear with me.  
> So I've had quite the week. I honestly considered not updating at all this week, but then I didn't want to let anyone down. Basically, I haven't had a chance to write all that much this week. Now that doesn't affect this chapter at all - I have enough chapters already written to get us up to about Christmas - but it has affected my ability to edit. You see, my process is to edit each chapter during the week and then upload it over the weekend. But I couldn't do that this week (so the chapter is poorly edited honestly and I'm really sorry about that).  
> I've been gonna through a bit of a rough time the past few months and it all sort of came to blows on Tuesday (and while it's not something to laugh about really, one of my highlights from it was sobbing that I was missing the election - as if I wouldn't still be watching it three days later). I had a complete breakdown, I guess, and I ended up sobbing for six hours straight, which wasn't too fun. Anyway, I didn't go to college Wednesday and then ended up in the doctors. They referred me to two different counseling services, one of them being a specialist clinic, and I've been put on anti-depressants, mood stabilisers and anti-anxiety meds. So that's fun...   
> And I've been pretty much glued to the TV since Tuesday. I have not stopped watching the election. It's currently Election Night part 4 and I'm still unable to look away. I've become a woman obsessed. John King is election Santa, Jake Tapper is a mood, I'm vibing. This is all terrifying and incredibly anxiety inducing and seemingly never ending but I cannot stop watching.   
> So yeah, things are a bit strange right now. The meds are making me feel sick. I'm very sleep deprived - time zones are annoying and it's currently 2AM and I've been staying up until five the past few nights and getting up at seven so that's not fun. I'm scared for this election. I'm not motivated at all this week. It's been a struggle to even get out of bed.  
> Anyway, how's everyone doing? I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm always here if anyone needs to talk.   
> What did y'all think of the chapter? This is one of those ones that I'm not really sure how to feel about but I just felt like I had to write it. Any thoughts?  
> That's all from me for this week. I can promise that no matter what happens with the stuff I've got going on, I will update next weekend as always. I'm gonna go enjoy John King and his magic wall now - seriously, he's the greatest, you should turn on CNN if you aren't already watching - and hope that I don't pass out before Biden speaks.  
> Stay safe and stay spooky xx.


	13. Mikey

Frank was surprisingly cool with us all inviting ourselves to stay in his house, which was fucking wild.

Lois loved the attention, and I loved Lois.

Frank also didn’t really question me or my intentions all that much, he just kind of went with it. It made me love him even more.

“I didn’t know you guys were planning on staying so the rooms upstairs are a little chaotic. I have like storage stuff in there and… stuff,” Frank scratched the back of his neck.

Gerard shrugged, “I don’t really care. And the kid will love it. She’s itching to snoop at the old My Chem stuff I have laying around. No doubt, she’ll be the same with you.”

I couldn’t even argue with that.

+++

Frank Iero was a little fucker.

He was my best fucking friend and I loved him with my whole fucking heart, but the guy was a fucking bastard.

And I had known this for years, yet I still fucking didn’t take any fucking heed of it.

“Hey, Mikey!” He whisper-shouted from the opposite couch.

I rolled my eyes, “What?” I dropped my phone onto my lap.

“Have you read Peter’s LiveJournal?” He asked quietly as my sleeping brother shifted a little. Gee had been curled up on the couch with Frank, drawing and smoking cigarettes, but at some point he’d fallen asleep. Frank had stayed curled against him, but tidied away his sketchpad and markers - not before writing something on his arm, which he immediately covered up. I decided not to ask questions about that one.

“What? No.”

“Huh,” He shrugged, “Well I do sometimes. Did you see what he wrote when we were in New Mexico?”

“Dude, I don’t read it,” I sighed.

“Right,” He nodded, “Well don’t you wanna know? It’s about you.”

“Oh?” I sat up a little at that, genuinely intrigued.

Frank grinned, clearly satisfied with my reaction, “He literally named you and said something about a waterpark. And then, get this, he said he was  _ totally back in love _ . Take that as you will, my friend.” He brushed hair off of my brother’s face.

“He said that?”

“Word for fucking word.”

“Oh.” 

“So, are you?” He pressed.

I frowned, “Am I what?”

“ _ In love _ .”

_ Oh _ . Am I?

I sighed, “I don’t know what to say.”

He nodded, “That’s okay. But you should figure out what you want.”

“What the fuck does that mean?”

Frank rolled his eyes, “If he’s in love with you, you need to figure out if that’s what you want,” He glanced down at my brother again, “You either love him or… or you walk away before he gets his heart broken.”

I sighed, “I don’t fucking know how I feel. I just- If I love him then that’s it. We’re in this for the long term.”

“And you don’t want that?”

“Of course I want that! But it’s not that fucking simple. There’s no way for this to workout between us, we’d just causing too much fucking damage.”

It was a horrible revelation I’d come to realise only that morning. And it was fucking horrific.

It had started in the hotel, really. But it was fucking hammered home that morning.

Life had been pretty perfect after the hotel. We had fallen into a blissful little bubble and I had allowed myself to push the thoughts from the hotel to the back of my mind. We were immortals.

That was until that morning.

I had stayed on Fall Out Boy’s bus with Pete the night before, as I had done many times, and we were fucking ambushed by a group of fans who were waiting outside the bus.

Pete and I had woken up early that morning, because I had to be at the signing tent for one of the earliest fucking signings, which I hated, and he needed to go do stuff at the Clandestine tent. So we’d walked off the bus, hand-in-hand, ready to go about our day. It was early and I was tired and I just wanted to spend the morning curled up in bed with Pete. But we had shit to do.

And we were met with a group of screaming fans.

I dropped Pete’s hand almost instantly, because what else was I meant to do? But the hurt on Pete’s face was unmissable, and I couldn’t help but feel that I’d fucked up. 

I couldn’t let people - fans - see us together like that. They would go insane. It would fucking be the only thing anyone would talk about. Rumours would spread like fucking wildfire and then it would only be a matter of time before they found out we were together.

No, I couldn’t let that happen. So even though I knew it hurt Pete, I wouldn’t hold his hand.

“Pete! Oh my God, Pete! Pete, hi! Hi! Where’s Patrick?! Pete!” They were yelling.

“Mikey!” One of them screamed, and then they all fucking started yelling at me.

Don’t get me wrong, I love meeting fans. I love talking to them and signing stuff for them and taking pictures with them. It’s incredible, and I love doing it.

But not when I’m holding hands with fucking Pete Wentz.

“Mikey! Pete! Can we get a picture?!”

I panicked almost fucking instantly. I looked to Pete, eyes wide with alarm. They couldn’t fucking take pictures of us. Those pictures would be shared on the Internet and that would definitely get people asking questions.

“N- no pictures today,” Pete flashed a charming smile, “Sorry guys. Hey, you got anything for us to sign?” He bounced forward, pulling a pen from his pocket and scribbling his messy signature across different things he was handed.

“Mikey! Mikey! Will you sign this?! Mikey, can we get a picture?! What are you doing on their bus?! Mikey! Pete!”

I felt sick.

It was a horrible encounter, full of panic and anxiety and trying not to have a complete fucking freak out. When Pete finally excused us, I practically ran away.

“That was fucking- Fuck me, that was terrifying,” I muttered as we made our way towards the Clandestine tent.

He frowned, as if he wasn’t quite sure why I had an issue with it, but he didn’t press it.

And now, only a few hours later, I was being told that he was telling the whole fucking world that he was in love with me.

“When are we gonna be in San Diego?” I sounded too harsh as I asked Frankie the question.

He looked a little taken aback, “Um, I don’t know. It’s meant to be a five hour drive so it should be… maybe another hour. Forty five minutes, possibly.”

“Right,” I jumped up, knocking my phone to the ground and Gerard jolted awake. I ignored him and stormed off to my bunk.

Why the fuck was Pete posting about being in love with me? Fuck.

I tried to read a book while I waited to get to San Diego, but to no joy. My mind was going fucking ninety. I just needed to talk to Pete, to ask him what the fuck possessed him to do that.

“Mikey, where the hell are you going?” Gerard snapped as I stormed through the bus as soon as we were parked up. 

“Out!” I didn’t even bother to look back as my brother called out after me.

Fall Out Boy’s bus was easy to find, because I recognised the bus just as well as my own. But when I got to the door of the dimly lit bus, I thought better of banging my fist against it. Instead I rang Pete.

“Hey Mikeyway,” He answered almost instantly, “I’m watching  _ The Nightmare Before Christmas _ . Have I ever told you that you’re shaped like a Tim Burton character? Those long legs of yours… You okay, baby?”

“I’m outside your bus. Come out.”

I only had to wait a couple of minutes before Pete opened the door, poking his head out. He had one of his blankets wrapped around his shoulder and he didn’t have shoes or pants on, just socks, boxers and a t-shirt. Despite how annoyed I was, I still found the look adorable.

“Hey,” He smiled, “Are you coming in?”

I shook my head, “Can we talk?”

His face fell instantly and he nodded, stepping out of the bus and shutting the door behind him. He squeezed the blanket tighter around himself. “What’s going on?”

“Did you post about us on your LiveJournal?”

He frowned, “Is this about this morning?”

I scoffed, “No, Pete, this is about you posting about us on your fucking LiveJournal.”

“What the fuck, dude? What has fucking LiveJournal got to do with any of this?”

“Frank fucking saw it.”

“Why the fuck are you being so pissy?” His eyes widened in shock, “At least fucking tell me what I’m meant to have posted on LiveJournal.”

I glared at his feet, unable to meet his eye, “Something about me and waterparks and being-” I choked, struggling to even get the words out, “-being  _ back in love _ .” I looked up and he was glaring at me.

“Are you fucking serious? This is about me  _ having feelings _ ? Are you fucking kidding me?”

“You said you were in love with me! You put it on the fucking Internet!”

“I never said that!” He yelled back at me. He ran his hand over his face and the blanket fell in a miserable heap. “I never fucking- Mikes, I’m not going to lie to you and say that I’m not. But it’s clear you’re not ready to hear that right now. All I’m gonna say is that I wouldn’t fucking do that to you. I’m not gonna out you, dude. Why would you think I’d do that? That’s just fucking hurtful.”

“Pete, I…” I wasn’t sure what to even say.

He was shaking his head, “Don’t. Just don’t. I can’t believe you’d think that of me. I just- Mikes, I want to keep you, okay? I want us to last and if- If I fucking posted about us on LiveJournal or showed the kids camped in front of our bus that we were holding hands then… then I’d lose you. I fucking know it. And people will just dissect us until this doesn’t mean a thing anymore. So I didn’t do that, and I would never fucking do that. Never.” He stepped towards me to grab my hand and lean in to kiss my cheek, “I’m going to go to bed now. If you still want this, then you can come with me. We can get into bed and I can let you read what I posted, because it’s clear you didn’t. Or you can walk away before we both get hurt.” And then he turned and walked back onto the bus.

And I considered walking away. I really did. I’d be saving us both a lot of hurt in the long run. It couldn’t last, I knew it couldn’t.

But he’d left the blanket on the ground. And I was too selfish to let him go.

So I scooped up the blanket, brushing off the dirt, and followed him onto the bus.

“Oh thank God,” He sighed in relief and wrapped his arms around me.

I held him tightly, “I’m not walking away.” Because while I knew we couldn’t last after the tour, I couldn’t find it in me to walk away.

He kissed me, soft and brief, and then laced his fingers through mine, leading me through to his bunk. He crawled in and I kicked off my shoes, shimmied out of my jeans and shrugged off my hoodie. I crawled in next to him.

And he passed his laptop over to me.

“I don’t have Internet but they’re saved so here you go. The entry you’re talking about is that one there,” He pointed to the screen and I couldn’t help but scan over it.

And there it was in fucking black and white:

**_Amazing new mexico sunset. I’m hanging on a bridge with my friend mikey way from my chem. Its all orange and pink above us. We went to another waterpark again. I love high fives again. Totally back in love. Saw the most amazing movie… I think its called spirited away. Watch it._ **

For some reason the  _ high fives  _ bit was what stood out to me the most. He had said that to me in Texas the day before we were in the hotel.

It was a backstage ritual of ours, something the band always did, and he had been there that day when we had been doing it - the band and our crew - and he had just been swept into our little high five ritual.

I think it was Ray that had pulled Pete in. He had been glued to my side so I guess it only made sense that he joined. And he had loved it. He told me as much as soon as he’d gotten the chance.

So the inclusion of  _ high fives  _ in the entry could only be referring to that.

I shut the laptop, “I’m sorry.”

He took it from me and slid it into the little pocket on the side of the bunk. And then he smiled so fucking brightly at me, “Just lie down, Mikeyway.”

I had somehow allowed myself to be talked into a party. I wasn’t entirely sure how it happened but I decided that some of the blame definitely had to fall on Pete. Absolute fucking shithead.

To make matters worse, I walked in on Frank and my brother rubbing up against each other in the bunks when I was just trying to go and fucking get ready.

“No making out in the communal area!” 

They pulled away from each other and Frank smirked.

“Hey guys,” Pete smirked too and I rolled my eyes. Fucking weirdo.

“Hi Pete,” Gerard looked a little flustered.

“Someone just got laid,” Frank remarked in an irritating sing-song voice.

Dickhead.

I kicked a shoe lying on the ground over at him and he chuckled.

I rolled my eyes again and made my way over to the door to the back lounge. Upon opening it, I saw Ray inside with headphones pulled over his ears, his hair more wild than usually. He was completely engrossed in his work and I almost felt bad for disturbing him. Then I realised that if I had to suffer through a party with Gee and Frank rubbing against each other, so did he.

I sighed, “Toro, stop being a hermit!” He jumped a little but grunted in acknowledgement which was good enough for me. 

I grabbed a bundle of clean clothes and my eyeliner, ignoring the fact that Pete was trying to dangle upside down from my bunk, and headed into the small bathroom.

I smeared some eyeliner around my eyes and washed under my arms before putting on the relatively clean clothes - jeans, a hoodie and my white denim jacket. I was contemplating how long it would take to go over my hair with the straightener when I heard both Frank and Pete yelp from behind the door.

I sighed, “Oh for fucks sake…”

When I pulled the door open the two of them were in a heap on the floor between the bunks laughing maniacally. Gerard was bent over laughing and Ray was, thankfully, holding one of the cameras. 

“Is anyone hurt?” He asked eventually and I raised an eyebrow.

“He fucking kicked me in the face!” Frank shrieked with laughter. 

I just rolled my eyes, “Are we ready to go?”

I was the only one ready to go, so Pete and I headed to the front of the bus and waited there for the others. 

Pete was giving me a strange look, “I gotta ask about the jacket…”

“Are you gonna make a comment about how I’m not wearing black for once?” I laughed, tugging at the jacket, “Don’t worry, everything else is black. I actually really like this jacket.”

He smiled a little, “You do?”

I nodded, “Yeah. I’ve had it since about 2003. We were on tour with  _ Bullets _ and I remember waking up one morning with this jacket on. I have no clue where it came from but I liked it so I just kept it.”

“Huh,” He looked a little lost in thought, and I decided not to press him.

It was about another ten minutes before we were ready to go, and I think that was due to Gerard but I can’t be sure. I was too fascinated by Pete disappearing into a world of his own.

“How’s your cheek?” Ray teased and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“It could be worse,” Frank grumbled.

“You shouldn’t have tickled me, Iero,” Pete played along, even when he was distant and in a world of his own he still knew how to make others smile.

“Fuck you, Wentz,” Frank laughed.

Their blossoming friendship was a complete mystery. The two were incredibly alike in a lot of ways, so I don’t know why it surprised me, but seeing the two of them with their inside jokes was a little wild. It always seemed to just bring back those intrusive thoughts of a life with Pete.

Pete didn’t try to hold my hand or anything of the sort as we walked, which I was grateful for. But I could see it was upsetting him, which made me feel like a piece of shit.

“Are you okay?” I stepped a little closer to him.

He shrugged, “I just wish we could… it doesn’t matter.” He cast a glance toward my brother and Frank, walking hand-in-hand. 

“I’m sorry,” I sighed, “I just can’t be so open, you know?” 

“I know I expect too much,” He dragged his feet a little as he walked.

“It’s just-”

“I get it, Mikes,” He smiled half-heartedly. “Hey, I think I see Trick over there!” He perked up ever so slightly and bounded through the crowd to join his best friend. I followed close behind him. 

“Hey guys!” Patrick grinned, waving his cup in greeting. I don’t think I’d ever seen the guy drunk before and I couldn’t help but smile at his excited behaviour. His hat was nowhere to be seen, which was rare for him and his hair was messed up from Pete ruffling his hands through it. “Do you want a drink? I can go grab you some beers, I need a refill anyway.”

I cringed and looked over to Frank, who was already on edge. I couldn’t blame him. Gerard would have been piss drunk and off his head and fucking barely able to move this time last year. There’d be vomit down his shirt and, hell, he might have even fucking pissed himself. And we’d have to drag him home and make sure he didn’t choke on his own vomit while he slept.

It wasn’t a good fucking time. 

But he was better now, happier and healthier.

Although he looked a little strained and tense at the minute.

And then I looked at Pete, expecting to see him bouncing around excitedly but he wasn’t. He was frowning. 

I stepped closer to him and nudged him a little, “A penny for your thoughts.”

“A dollar for your insights,” He laughed dryly, “Or a fortune for your disaster.”

I rolled my eyes, “What in the world is that supposed to mean?” I could tell he was falling into one of those weird moods of his.

He shook his head, “Nevermind. It just seems like a bad night.”

“How so?”

He gestured to the crowd that my brother and Frank were disappearing into.

I didn’t understand what he was suggesting. “Peterpan, I’m gonna need a little more than that.”

He sighed, “It’s kinda rowdy, don’t you think? It’s a messy night  _ already _ .”

I frowned and glanced over. He was right. People were pushing and shoving and yelling, everyone was drunk, there were drinks being thrown and spilled and it seemed to be only a matter of time before a fight broke out.

“I vote we sneak away,” I suggested.

He broke into a grin, “Well hey, we’ve got two free buses at the minute. We may as well make use of it.”

I faked a cough, laughing a little, “I don’t think I can stay here for long. I’m not feeling too great.”

“Oh no,” He faked concern, “That’s tragic. I may see that you get back to your bus safely.”

I bumped against him, “Can we? I really don’t wanna be here.”

“You and me both,” He scoffed, “Let’s do it, Mikeyway.”

I decided to risk it a little and lace my fingers through his, “Come on then, Peterpan.” I was expecting him to smile, expecting him to laugh even.

But no. His face fell.

I started to pull my hand away, “I’m sorry, I-”

He paid no attention to me, “Is that Gee and Frank?” And then he ran. 

“Pete!” I yelled, and that’s when I noticed the commotion in the crowd. 

_ Is that Gee and Frank? _

There was a fucking fight, and my brother was in the middle of it.

_ What the fuck? _

I took off after Pete. Fucking hell, we couldn’t have just  _ one  _ night without something going off. There always just had to be something with us… 

“Gerard!” I shrieked as I pushed through the crowd. I wasn’t worried about Frank, he could take care of himself in a fight. But I wasn’t so sure about Gerard. 

I could see him then, he was next to Andy - where the hell did he come from - and yelling for Frank. And then-

“Gerard!” I screamed as I watched some skinhead smash a bottle over my brother’s head. And he dropped like a bag of rocks.  _ Oh please no _ . I tore through the crowd yelling for him, “Gerard! Gerard!” I didn’t care who was between us, I pushed through, not caring about the protests from people around me.

There he was, laying on the ground with an arm thrown over his head and his legs pulled up to his chest, almost in a ball. There was some asshole standing over him, kicking him. I cried out, “Get off my fucking brother!” And then I shoved the fucker with more strength than I thought possible. He was caught off balance and he tripped, sprawling onto the ground.

I wasted no time in grabbing Gerard - who was conscious, thankfully - and dragging him away. I wrapped my arm around his waist and slung his arm across my shoulders. I slipped through the crowd and when I felt we were at a safe distance, I checked over my brother. 

His eyes were unfocused and rolling around a little, and there was a little bit of blood on the corner of his mouth. 

“Gerard?” Thankfully, he looked at me then, eyes focusing a little. I allowed myself a small moment of relief.

And then I touched the back of his head. My fingers came away bloodied.  _ Shit _ . I gasped and Gee’s eyes flashed with alarm. Fuck.

But at least he seemed-

“Asshole!” I could hear Pete yelling and I glanced over just as he tried to punch some big fucker.

“Pete!” What the fuck was he doing? Frank was by his side, bouncing and charging after the guy. What the fuck? They were both as bad as each other… I was about to go back into the crowd when Andy wrapped an arm around Pete’s waist, trying to pull him away.

Gerard was yelling, “Frankie!” He squirmed around, trying to throw himself back into the action but I kept an iron grip around him, watching Ray’s hair as he joined the commotion.

I needed to get Gerard out of here.

“Frank is fine,” I reassured him, “Come on, let’s get you out of here.” I spun him around and led him away. He didn’t struggle, just let me drag him along.

“What the hell happened?” I asked as we made our way to the bus.

He wasn’t listening to me. “Where’s Frank?” 

“Pete and the guys are with him. He’s fine.” I couldn’t be sure that he was, but I needed to make sure Gerard was safe before I dealt with anything else. Besides, Ray was there and he’d pulled Frank unscathed away from messier fights before.

Right now, I needed to figure out why there was blood on the back of my brother’s head. Everything else could wait.

Even still, I made a quick little list of everyone I needed to be concerned about at present:

1) Gerard, 2) Pete, 3) Frank, 4) Ray, 5) Andy.

I wasn’t too sure if Joe and Patrick were at all involved in the commotion, so I chose to leave them off the list.

Who the fuck picked a fight with them? Why? 

I swear, as soon as I find out who those fuckers were, they’re dead.

“Mikey!” I glanced around to see Patrick hurrying over to us. His eyes were wide, “Is he okay?” He gestured to my brother as I struggled to get the door to the bus open. He stepped in and pulled it open, holding it for me as I dragged Gerard on. 

“M’fine,” My brother mumbled and Patrick looked about as unconvinced as I felt.

“Will you go get some ice please, Trick?” I pulled Gerard with me to the sofa. He flopped down next to me, none too gracefully.

Patrick glanced between us, a little uncertainly, then nodded, “Sure thing, Mikey, sure.” He offered another concerned glance then practically ran from the bus.

There was a small tea towel on the counter and I reached for it, turning to my brother.

I tilted his head a little, brushing his hair aside to get a better look, and literally sighed with relief. On the nape of his neck, where his hair had been covering, there was a thin, bleeding cut. Nothing too serious. Stitches at most.

“What the hell happened?” I tried again as I pressed the towel against the wound.

He winced a little.

And then Joe threw the door open, “Don’t freak out!” 

Well that’s just gonna make me freak out… 

Gerard and I were on our feet instantly. 

I saw the unmissable concern in my brother’s eyes as Ray stepped onto the bus, half carrying Frank - who was kicking out and struggling to get away from him. No doubt trying to get back to the fight… Little fucker.

At least I knew they were okay.

Frank was spitting out a stream of insults and curses, “Fucking asshole! Fucking homophobic fucking fuck!”

And then Andy was pulling Pete in the door. He was okay, thank fuck.

He too was rattling off insults, “Dickhead! Pig headed fucking dickhead! Kiss my fucking ass!” 

Yeah, he was fine… 

He had clearly been beaten about a bit, and it looked as if he’d have a black eye in the morning, but he seemed relatively unscathed.

Gerard was still standing, looking as if he was considering racing over to Frank, and so I pushed him to sit back down before making my way over to Pete.

“They can’t fucking hear you, dumbass,” Joe scoffed, to either Pete or Frank, as I pulled Pete into my arms.

“Are you okay?” I whispered into his ear.

He kissed my jaw, pulling away to flash his dazzling grin, “I’m fucking great, baby.”

“Yeah?” I laughed a little despite the situation.

“Yeah. I’m not gonna let anyone give my friends any shit.”

And then I felt like the Grinch, that moment where his heart swells up and grows a few sizes and he’s overwhelmed with love… That’s how I fucking felt in that moment. 

He hadn’t thought about me at all when diving into that crowd - which I know was weird to feel touched by - but he had been thinking of my brother and my best friend. 

He loved them enough to feel that compulsive need to protect them.

I never wanted to let him go.

I wanted to believe in that fantasy of our life. I wanted him in our little close family. I wanted to grow old with him, to find my first grey hair with him, to get a house and a dog and start our own family. I wanted to watch the friendship between him and Frank grow, to see them form a bond. I wanted to continue to develop my own friendships with his band, to welcome them into my found family. I wanted it all. I wanted to hold his hand all the fucking time. I wanted to never sleep alone again. I wanted to always be there to fight each other’s battles, to fight our family’s battles together. I wanted our life, the life we deserved.

I wanted to tell him I was in love too, I wanted to tell him I was ready to hear him tell me.

_ Totally in love _ .

I couldn’t tell him, I couldn’t fucking do it.

But I kissed him, I kissed him, I kissed him, I kissed him.

_ I love you, Peterpan, I love you, I love you. _

Please know that, please understand that.

He smiled, that soft smile full of adoration that I loved so much. When he spoke, his voice was quiet and gentle, “Mikeyway, I-”

“I know,” I pulled a Han Solo, yet I couldn’t let him  _ actually _ tell me. But I knew. “Me too.”

His gasped a little, parting his lips and-

“I got ice!” Patrick barrelled onto the bus with a large bag of ice clutched in his arms.

I laughed. He looked so concerned but it seemed that, for the moment, the panic had passed. We were in the clear and we could all relax a little.

I took some of the ice and scooped it into a little ziplock bag, wrapping it in a cloth and handing it to Pete. He smiled gratefully and pressed it to his bruising face.

I glanced over at my brother and I could just fucking tell he was freaking out, and he thought I was the same. But for some reason I was strangely calm.

Maybe it was just the calm before the storm.

But it didn’t feel like that.

Okay, well now I was stressing - stressing over the fact that I wasn’t stressing. Only I could fucking do that.

I shot my brother a glare, because it was his fucking fault for sending all his stressing my way.

Pete was slouched against the counter with the ice pressed to his face and his eyes shut, looking quite content.

At least I wasn’t the only one.

Maybe it was shock?

“Let me see your head.”

I glanced over as Ray went to my brother’s side, sitting next to him and tilting his head. Frank held Gee’s hand, and a little panic seeped in.

There had been a fair amount of blood, what if it was more than just a cut? What if there was something wrong? If Ray felt the need to check his head then… 

“Is it still bleeding?” I tried not to sound worried, knowing that it would only upset Gee if he caught on. 

Pete, the fucking dumbass, actually gasped, “Shit it’s bleeding?” I nudged him, shushing him.

The atmosphere in the bus had changed yet again. Everyone was tense and on edge, anticipating the worst from my brother’s injury.

“There’s a cut on his neck,” Ray muttered, “The glass just nicked him.”

“Is it still bleeding?” I couldn’t allow myself to feel relieved.

“No, Mikes, he’s fine,” Ray laughed, which was definitely a good fucking sign. 

Gerard leaned against Frank once more, pressing his ice pack to his head once again. 

He was fine. 

But now that I’d started panicking, I couldn’t stop.

Frank, however, wasn’t panicking at all. “Everyone is fine. No need for anyone to panic.”

So fucking helpful… 

Brian Schechter arriving on the bus the next day did not fucking surprise me in the least. He arrived with his manager hat on - figurative, obviously - as opposed to his more understanding Dad hat. This didn’t surprise me either. He was pissed, really fucking angry, and I once again was not surprised. Brian Schechter giving us a lecture didn’t fucking surprise me either. Even his yelling didn’t surprise me.

And Gerard and Frank acting as if nothing had happened, of course, didn’t surprise me. I had fucking expected it.

His Dad hat poking out to make sure they were okay was also unsurprising. 

As was Frank being a cocky fuck.

I could have fucking called it all.

So I didn’t even bother to look away from my phone, even when Frank flopped down next to me and threw his legs onto my lap.

I only half listened to the conversation going on around me.

“It’s less than two weeks though, you know? Just fucking avoid them please,” Brian ordered.

“Oh no, there goes my plans for being best buds with them all,” Ray scoffed.

Frank laughed and scooched closer to me, “Poor Pete will be distraught by that one,” He whispered.

“Fuck off, Frank,” I tried not to laugh. I couldn’t help but enjoy the friendship between them.

“Now is not the time for smart comments,” Brian snapped and I rolled my eyes. “I heard the guys from Fall Out Boy stepped in. Are they all okay?” His voice softened a little.

“Yeah, Mikey, is Pete okay?” Frank teased. I scoffed.

“Frank, you do realise there are more guys in the band than just Pete?” Brian rolled his eyes, “I hope the two of you thanked them for helping out last night.”

I wasn’t able to contain my laughter when Frank whispered, “Does he need a fucking flashy neon sign?  _ Mikey hearts Pete. My Chem is mostly gay. _ ” It was dumb, nonsensical and barely funny. But I fucking laughed. 

Frank’s comments didn’t surprise me. That was fucking routine for Brian’s lectures.

The only thing that did fucking surprise me was Brian getting mad at Gee, slamming a fucking mug onto the table in front of him “Drink your damn coffee and prove it.”

What my brother was meant to be proving was a mystery to me. But I was fucking shocked beyond believe by the fact that he actually got annoyed at Gerard. Brian liked to pretend he didn’t have a favourite, but he had a very fucking clear favourite and that was Gerard. 

Frank jolted up, on high alert yet again. I grabbed his arm, because the last fucking thing we needed right now was Frank starting a fight with Brian.

Gerard just took the mug and grinned, “Thanks for the coffee, Bri.” And then he sipped his fucking coffee. Frank fell back onto the sofa, cackling.

Two nights in a fucking row without Pete. We were all on our best fucking behaviour around Brian because of the fucking fight and I couldn’t just fucking ditch my band to go vibe on Fall Out Boy’s bus. And I wouldn’t drag Pete into this weird head-to-head Brian seemed to be almost having with Frank and Gee.

Brian wasn’t giving them a fucking minute. He wasn’t letting any of us out of his sight, but he was practically tailing Frank and Gee. After his lecture, he brought us to the signing tent, then followed us on our way to the stage, herding us like kids on a school trip. And then he carted us off to some radio station for an interview. 

I couldn’t really complain about that though. Yeah the radio show dragged on a little, but we got to go to a real fucking restaurant afterwards for dinner which was fucking awesome.

He was acting like he was mad at us, but I think he just wanted to act like a bodyguard in case there was anymore trouble.

Either way, it was fucking annoying. Especially seeing as I couldn’t get a moment to breath, nevermind go see Pete.

So instead I sat with my band and Brian and we dug out a DVD to watch. Of course, there was a whole debate over what to watch which was eventually settled by Ray declaring we were watching  _ The Evil Dead _ . No one argued.

About thirty minutes into it, my phone buzzed.

**(23:04)** **_peterpan:_ ** _ you guys left yet? _

**(23:05)** **_mikeyway:_ ** _ about an hour _

**(23:06)** **_peterpan:_ ** _ rude, i was going to hitch a ride with you _

**(23:07)** **_peterpan:_ ** _ i suppose i’ll just have to annoy trick _

**(23:07)** **_peterpan:_ ** _ how’s bri? _

**(23:09)** **_mikeyway:_ ** _ on prison guard duty. i think frnk might kill him but g is finding it all very funny and ray is playing mediator _

**(23:10)** **_peterpan:_ ** _ and you? _

**(23:10)** **_mikeyway:_ ** _ i’m trying to stay out of it _

**(23:11)** **_mikeyway:_ ** _ i think he just got a fright _

**(23:13)** **_peterpan:_ ** _ i think we all did _

**(23:14)** **_mikeyway:_ ** _ fkn tell me abt it _

When the movie ended Frank and Gee retreated to their bunk. Brian, Ray and I decided to watch another movie. 

Brian passed out on the couch.

I missed Pete.

Ray threw a pillow at me when I expressed this. He told me I should go to bed after the movie and I couldn’t fucking argue with that. For once, I was actually pretty fucking tired. I guessed the past couple days had worn me out.

So I climbed into my bunk, put my headphones on playing  _ From Under the Cork Tree _ and wrapped myself in Pete’s Clandestine hoodie. For once, sleep came easy.

I was awoken abruptly when the entire bus seemed to judder harshly.

My head smacked against the side of the bunk. 

“Ow!” Frank shouted. There was a bang.

“ _ Fuck _ ,” I hissed, rubbing my head. 

“Is everyone okay?” Brian was yelling.

“Did Frank fucking fall out again?” Bob grumbled.

I pulled back the curtain to see Frank on the ground between the bunks. Brian was pulling him to his feet. He flashed a thumbs up, rubbing the back of his head.

Absolute dumbass.

The bus was dimly lit, as if the power was out.

“What the hell happened?” Gerard hopped down from his bunk and reached for Frank.

“Is everyone okay?” Brian asked again.

Ray popped his head out, “We’re all fine, Brian. What’s going on?”

It turned out that the bus had broken down. Worm - who had been driving - informed us all that the bus just lost all power in the engine, and we almost skidded across the road. And now we were stranded on the side of the interstate.

I yawned as we all trudged from the bunks to the front of the bus. My bare feet were cold. And it was only fucking five thirty, far too fucking early to be awake.

Cortez called a mechanic, but they didn’t open for another two hours. So we were damned to wait around in a powerless bus on the side of a busy fucking interstate.

When had we become so unlucky?

Brian was freaking out. “What the hell are we gonna do? We need to get to San Francisco!” He paced up and down the small area, “We can’t stay on the bus! This is a fucking safety risk. We-”

“The coffee machine isn’t working,” Gerard said sleepily, sounding quite distraught. He smacked the side of the machine a couple times, as if he thought that would bring it to life. He jabbed at the buttons again, “The fucking coffee machine isn’t working.”

Brian gaped at him, “That’s because the engine is dead! The generator is blown!”

“Hush, Bri,” Frank waved his hand, “It’s too early for so much noise.”

I yawned again and nodded in agreement.

“Oh my God, I’m stranded on the side of the interstate with  _ morons _ !”

Ray rolled his eyes, “We’re fine. We’re not stranded. Mikey can call Pete.” 

Toro, you fucking genius.

Fuck, I was stupid. Why didn’t I think of that?

I pulled my phone from my pocket, dialling Pete’s number.

Brian was rambling, “Fall Out Boy are not going to want to turn around to pick us up, they aren’t-”

“Mikeyway?” Pete sounded groggy.

I smiled, “Hey Peterpan.”

Brian’s stare turned to me. Frank laughed.

“Baby, is everything okay?” He sounded like he’d just woken up, and I felt like a prick for waking him. It was so rare for him to sleep well.

“Are you still on the road? Because, um, we’re stranded on the interstate.”

“ _ Fuck _ .” He was on alert almost instantly, “Where are you? Are you okay? Are you safe? Is anyone hurt?”

I was overly aware of everyone’s eyes on me. “Calm down, I’m fine, everyone’s fine. We just broke down and-”

“Text me where you are and we’ll come get you.” I could hear shuffling on the other end. His voice was urgent.

“Are you sure?” I asked that more for the show than anything else. I knew he was sure, I knew he’d be there for us.

“Yes, Mikes, of course I’m sure. Now text me exactly where you are and we’ll be there as soon as we can.”

“Frank,” I pulled the phone away from my ear a little, “Will you find out exactly where we are and text the location to Pete please?”

Frank nodded, jumping to his feet.

Pete was still talking, not to me. “Trick, Patrick… Mikey’s bus broke down… Yeah, I’m gonna now, will you just-” There was a crackly sound and I couldn’t hear much more of what was said. Then, Pete spoke again, slightly less panicked, “Okay, we’ll be there as quick as we can. Mikeyway, I…” He trailed off, “Nevermind. We’ll be there soon. I’ll see you then, baby.”

I sighed as he hung up. I wasn’t ready to hear it yet I desperately wanted to hear it. I wanted him to tell me, even though I wasn’t sure I could say it back.

“They’ll come get us,” I told the others, as if I had ever doubted Pete.

“Really?” Brian was absolutely shocked, and I couldn’t help but wonder what he thought of Pete. Even if it wasn’t me, if Pete and I weren’t  _ us _ , Pete would still want to help. He was the kindest man I’d ever met, he wanted to help everyone he could. 

“Yes, of course.” I found myself scowling at Brian for thinking so little of the man I loved.

The man I loved… 

How fucking strange.

“We should probably get off the bus,” Ray pointed out.

“Pete will text when they get here,” Frank yawned.

Ray flicked the side of his head, “No, dumbass. It’s a safety thing. It’s what you’re meant to do if you break down - get out of the fucking vehicle. Now, everyone needs to grab their shit.”

We all packed what we needed and pulled on shoes and jackets and trudged out to stand on the side of the fucking road. We must have looked a sight.

Gerard especially. He sat on the guardrail in his  _ Star Wars _ pyjama pants and an old hoodie, smoking a cigarette and complaining about the lack of coffee, with Frank tucked into his side absolutely swimming in one of Gerard’s oversized hoodies and a cigarette between his fingers.

“Fuck off, Ray,” My brother grumbled, as Ray asked him to get off the guardrail for the third fucking time.

“You’re not meant to sit on them,” He insisted.

“Rules are made to be broken,” Frank scoffed. Gerard nodded in agreement.

Ray gave me one of his looks, and I nodded in agreement. What the fuck, indeed. 

Two absolute dumbasses.

“The guys from Fall Out Boy must be pretty fucking done with our shit,” Brian said bitterly, “Two days in a row having to come to My Chem’s rescue.”

I shot him a glare, an arguement already on my lips.

And then there was unbearably loud honking and a bus I knew all too well was pulling up next to us.

“Mikeyway!” Pete flung open the door as soon as they slowed to a stop. He dived out, making a beeline for me. His arms were tight around me almost instantly. 

“I’m fine,” I laughed as I stumbled back a little with the force of his impact. 

“Stop fucking frightening me,” He muttered into my ear.

“I can’t fucking control the bus breaking down, dumbass.”

He pulled away and seemed to give me a quick once over. Then he glanced behind me, “What the fuck happened to the bus?”

“Hey guys!” Patrick bounded down the steps, “Is everyone okay?”

“We didn’t crash,” I sighed, “Only broke down. Everyone is literally fine.”

“We’re severely suffering due to the lack of caffeine,” Gerard told him, finally standing up from the guardrail, “I’m handling it like a champ, but Mikeyway is grumpy.”

“Mikey was already grumpy,” Frank yawned, “Two whole nights away from Pete is far too much to bear, without lack of caffeine on top of it.”

Patrick tried not to laugh, failing miserably, “I guessed Mikey would want coffee so there’s a fresh pot.”

“Oh, Patrick Stump, I could kiss you,” I couldn’t help but smile at the younger man.

Pete nudged me, “You will not. I’m the knight in shining armour here.”

“Please be mushy after we’ve gotten on the bus,” Ray groaned, and I didn’t have to look at him to know he was rolling his eyes. But he had a fucking point.

Standing on the side of the road in pyjamas at six in the fucking morning wasn’t exactly ideal. 

“Yeah, of course!” Patrick grabbed a couple of the gig bags and headed back onto the bus.

Within ten minutes, we were back on the road and everyone had decided to try to get some more sleep before we got to San Francisco.

And Brian was staring at Pete.

I could see the pieces slowly forming together in his mind. 

There were two spare bunks on the bus - Gerard and Frank took one of them and Ray took the other. And it was only then that the penny very slowly began to drop.

“Okay, so that leaves me, Mikey, Cortez and Worm in the back lounge. Is everyone okay with that?” Brian asked.

Pete scoffed, “Mikeyway is gonna sleep in my bunk.” 

Brian still didn’t cop on. “That’s nice of you, Pete, but you’ve done enough. Mikey can survive on a couch for the night.”

“Awh geez,” Patrick covered his face with his hands. 

Frank literally bit the back of his hand to stop himself from laughing.

Pete was just frowning at Brian, “Why the fuck would he sleep in the lounge?”

“Is that not…” Brian trailed off, staring at Pete and I, at our hands laced together and how close we were sitting. The penny finally dropped. “Mikey and Pete Wentz? No fucking way.”

And Frank lost it.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday the 13th!   
> How's everyone doing? I'm feeling a bit more together this week than I was last week, not exactly better but not worse either. And as promised, I uploaded. I'm really trying to stay on top of this, guys.   
> I'm pretty excited about today too, to be honest. Anyone see Frank's tweet last night? Something's happening today and I can't wait... And Palaye Royale's Tonight I Die is coming out today which I cannot wait for!!  
> Also, I forgot how bad this chapter is. Fuck. This is really just a filler, but the next chapter is one that I really loved writing and I'm pretty sure it's the longest one yet too. I'm excited to share it with everyone, it's definitely one of my favourites.  
> Okay that's all from me for this week.   
> Let me know what you thought of the chapter.   
> Stay safe and stay spooky xx.


	14. Frank

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of my favourites... So far at least. I really love writing Frank, I'm so glad he's becoming more central to the story now. I hope you guys like it too. It's also the longest chapter so far, it's almost 15k words.  
> Also, sorry it's a day late. I was pretty busy yesterday. I did quite a lot of my Christmas shopping - I am now completely broke though. But I got most of the presents I needed to get.  
> Anyway, here's the chapter. It's a long one. Enjoy!

I woke up too fucking early. I struggled to sleep at all and then I woke up at an ungodly hour.

Fuck. 

It took me a little too long to realise that it was Frank and Lois making their way downstairs that had woken me. 

I lay in bed for a little while longer before deciding to follow them downstairs. I grabbed my notebook and my phone and went on my way.

I had another extremely surreal moment as I padded through Frank Iero’s house in my pyjamas and socks at seven in the morning. Fucking wild.

Frank was standing in the kitchen making coffee while Lois ran around the back yard. 

I suddenly felt very awkward and I was considering turning away and heading back upstairs when Frank spoke.

“You want some coffee, kid?”

I gulped, “Um, yeah please. Good morning.”

He turned to me with the smallest hint of a grin, “Morning. Will you let Lois in?”

He made coffee for us while I was jumped on by a hyperactive puppy. I could think of worse ways to spend a morning.

“So,” Frank placed a mug of coffee down in front of me, “What’s Gee been telling you?”

I wrapped my hands around the mug and shrugged, “Mostly just about that summer.”

He nodded, “Okay, that’s good. I’m not gonna talk about that then. There’s not much need to. And I don’t really want to.”

“Why not?” It was out of my mouth before I even realised what I was saying.  _ Fuck _ . I rushed to amend, “I mean, that’s cool. I don’t mind. I was just curious, I’m sorry.”

“No need to apologise, Baby Way,” He chuckled a little, “I just struggle a bit with that summer, I guess.  _ It was the best of times, it was the worst of times _ … You know? Anyway, did he tell you how we met? I can start there.”

I didn’t have my recorder, it was upstairs tucked away safely in my suitcase. All I had was my phone, so I clicked onto the app.

“Do you mind if I record this?”

“Go ahead,” He chuckled, sipping his coffee.

“Thank you.” I untucked my pen from the spine of my notebook and flipped it open.

He smiled, “”You’re a weird kid.”

I scoffed, “Yeah, I get that a lot.”

“Baby Way suits you. You’re very like them. And this vibe,” He gestured to me, “The fucking dark hair and pale ass skin and that fucking makeup from yesterday…” He cackled, “How very Revenge era of you. It’s not hard to guess your favourite album.” 

“Fucking rude,” I rolled my eyes but didn’t try to deny it, “And I’ll have you know this is my natural hair colour. It’s just a very dark brown.”

He laughed, “You even sound like them - Gerard especially. Baby Way indeed. Did Mikey come up with that?”

I shook my head, “It was actually, uh, Pete Wentz.”

“No fucking way? When did he meet you?”

“A few days ago. Mikey and I met him for lunch. It didn't exactly go… It doesn’t matter. Pete’s cool.”

“Man, I haven’t spoken to Pete in years. I can’t believe he met you before I did,” He sighed.

I giggled, “He lives in LA, we didn’t have to go cross country to see him.” 

Frank rolled his eyes, “Not the point. Fucking Pete Wentz. That one was pretty unexpected,” He chuckled, “Anyway, stories for another time I guess. Wait, what the fuck is that?” He gestured to my notebook.

I shrugged, “Oh, these are just my notes.”

“No, not- What the fuck is that?” He pointed at the page and I frowned.

I read over the line he was referring to. There wasn’t really anything significant about it.

“Oh for-” He sighed, “Kid, why the fuck do you spell it with two  _ e _ ’s? It’s one fucking letter.”

“ _ What _ ?” I was undeniably confused.

He rolled his eyes and took the notebook and pen, “Look, it’s not Gee, it’s just G.” He scribbled out the two  _ e _ ’s. “I’ve literally never spelled it with two  _ e _ ’s, I don’t think any of us ever have. Seriously, ask Mikey if you don’t believe me. It’s just one letter, kid.” Then, as if to further his point, he wrote on the top of the page:

_ G not Gee _ .

I laughed, “Okay then, noted.”

“Good,” He handed them back to me, “Alright then. So I met Mikey before I met the others. And…”

+++

Mikey Way couldn’t play bass for shit. He had potential, he was passionate and I knew that he would probably be a rad bass player if he got the chance but we were looking for someone rad now. 

And this dude just wasn’t it… yet, at least.

“Sorry, Mike,” Shaun sounded genuine, “You’re just not what we’re looking for right now.”

The guy nodded, “Thanks anyway, man. And I’m Mikey Way, not Mike.”

I decided then and there that I liked the nerdy guy. The way he’d said his name… It was like he knew he was meant to be a fucking epic musician. He didn’t seem very confident in himself at all, but the way he said his fucking name… 

He seemed fucking awesome. I was certain that he was gonna do epic things.

I grinned at the guy and followed him outside, “Hey Mikeyway, you want a smoke?”

He turned to me with that deadpan look of his, “Sure. Thanks.”

“I’m Frank by the way,” I told him, just in case he didn’t know, “Frank Iero.” 

“Yeah, I know,” He took the box from me and lit up a cigarette, “You’re pretty fucking talented.”

I flushed a little, “Thanks, dude. So are you.”

He scoffed, “I can’t play for shit.”

“That’s not true. I think you just need to get better. You’re gonna be great, man.”

“I don’t know…”

I sighed, “Just do me a favour and don’t fucking quit, okay, Mikeyway?”

He nodded and we sat on the curb together smoking until a beat up old car pulled up in front of us. 

A guy with greasy black hair and a cigarette between his lips pulled down the window, “Mikeyway, are you ready?” His dark hair was a stark contrast against his fucking pale as fuck, snow white skin. He had large black sunglasses on, obstructing my clear view of his face. I could make out his sharp nose, and tiny teeth and pretty lips. And he had a fucking cute voice.

Mikey stubbed out the ends of his cigarette, “That’s my brother, G. I’ll see you around, Frank.”

G, Mikeyway’s brother, nodded to me in greeting, a bit of a shy smile playing on his lips, as Mikey slipped into the car. The two of them drove away without another word. 

G… what the fuck kind of name was that?

It was through Eyeball Records that I properly met Mikey Way’s brother.

In the short year or so between him auditioning and when I finally met Gerard, I had gotten to know Mikey a little. He’d hung around in the same scene as me and I knew of him. I made a point to try to talk to him as often as I could, although it was rare for me to get the chance. He’d told me about his brother, he couldn’t speak highly enough of him. He told me how talented he was, how incredible he was, how much of a fucking hermit he was. And so I had never met him. He tended to keep to himself in the basement of his and Mikey’s parents house. 

We were at a party at the Eyeball house and there they were. They were with Alex Saavedra and Geoff Rickly and when they saw me, he beckoned me over and offered me a cigarette. 

Fucking Gerard was there. There he was in his baggy hoodie and paint stained jeans with his slightly spiked greasy black hair and a cigarette between his fingers, a beer in the other hand.

“Hey,” I nodded to them all in greeting. I shot Mikey a smile, “Hey Mikeyway.”

He rolled his eyes in response.

“Frankie!” Saavedra grinned, “Have you heard of My Chemical Romance?”

My Chemical Romance… I’d never fucking heard of them but it was a great fucking name. I shook my head.

Gerard spoke, “My brother and I are starting a band. Mikeyway came up with the name. It’s us, Ray Toro and Matt Pelissier.”

Toro… I knew of him. Saavedra hadn’t fucking shut up about how talented that guy was since he’d heard him play.

I glanced at the other guy sitting with them, the guy with the little fro and he gave me a slight wave. So this is Toro.

“I’m Gerard by the way,” He placed his cigarette between his lips and offered me his hand. 

I shook it, “Frank Iero.”

A crooked grin spread across his lips and he- He fucking glanced me up and down as if he was- Nah, he wasn’t checking me out. Mikeyway’s hermit brother was not fucking checking me out.

He was beautiful, messy black hair slightly spiked and greasy, and bright eyes full of life. There was no way he was checking me out.

“They’ll looking for a practice space,” Geoff told me, “I thought maybe-”

“You’re more than welcome to share ours,” I offered, knowing that I should probably consult the rest of my band before offering to share our practice space but… but the way Gerard Way was smiling at me, I’d do just about anything for him.

“Really?” Toro grinned, “That’s so awesome, man! I’m Ray, it’s good to meet you.”

Gerard began talking then, loud and passionately and full of life. I found himself drawn to him, shuffling closer as he spoke. I listened intently as he told me about his art, about comics, about his old job, about why he was starting the band, what he had seen on September 11th, the songs he’d written so far. And I held on to every word. 

Eventually Shaun and Hambone came to find me and I reluctantly left Gerard’s side, but not before Ray offered me their demo which I took gratefully. 

We listened to their demo for the first time on the way home that night. It was badly recorded and out of tune but it was incredible. The lyrics were beautiful and Gerard’s voice was exceptionally beautiful. I fell in love with the band then and there.

I watched most of their rehearsals, sometimes with Alex, sometimes with the other guys in Pencey Prep, but there were lots of times when I was alone, just watching them give it their all. It kind of put things in perspective for me, this was what I wanted. This was the music I wanted to play, this was the effect I wanted to have.

I couldn’t help but wish I’d stayed in better contact with Mikey, or that I’d met Gerard sooner.

Geoff contacted me not long after I’d met the guys. He had heard one of their songs,  _ Vampires Will Never Hurt You _ , and instantly he had loved them. He wanted to get them on stage, he agreed that they needed to play live.

So I got them their first gig.

My cousin Patrick was putting a show together, and he’d asked Pencey Prep to play. So I did everything in my power to get a spot for My Chemical Romance.

“You did?” Gerard hugged me tightly when I told him, “Awh man, this is awesome.” 

I let myself enjoy the hug for a little longer than I should have. Gerard was warm and soft and I felt like we fit perfectly around each other.

But it ended too soon and Ray was throwing his arms around me, thanking me for helping.

And then Gerard was freaking out, pacing up and down around the little practice studio, tugging at his hair and muttering under his breath. He didn’t think he was ready, didn’t think he was good enough.

It was all too soon later that we were in the beaten up old yellow bus, waiting for the show, waiting for their first time on stage.

Gerard and Mikey pounded back beers, drinking as if there was no fucking tomorrow. I’d never seen Mikey so drunk. Ray was okay, he’d played before and he was nervous because he knew that this was the start of something fucking big and this moment could make or break the whole thing, but he was okay. He wasn’t a mess like the Ways.

Hambone was trying to calm Mikey down. Mikey was on his seventh beer.

“You’re gonna have to sort them out, Frankie,” Neil gestured to them, “They’re gonna- Fuck, they might not even make it on stage.”

“They will,” I insisted, slipping over to Gerard. “Hey G.”

The guy was fucking shaking with nerves. He looked incredible though, in his old leather jacket and some eyeliner smeared around his eyes. His t-shirt was homemade and said  _ Thank You for the Venom _ . So I decided to start there.

“What does that mean?” I gestured to the shirt. 

He glanced down, slightly perplexed, “Oh, this. Well, it’s, uh- It’s an idea. You know I like to plan ahead.”

“For the band?”

“Well of course, but- Fuck, Frankie, I don’t think I can do this,” He tugged at his hair, “I’m not good enough. I can’t- I can’t do it.”

“You’re gonna do great, G, don’t freak out. Everyone is going to love you, Gerard. I fucking know it.” I pressed closer to him, lowering my voice as I spoke, “Some day the entire world will see you the way I see you. You’re made for great things, Gerard Way. And I cannot fucking wait to be by your side for the whole thing.” And I meant every word. I knew from the moment I met him that he was extraordinary, that he was going to go so fucking far. And I would do anything to stay with him through it all.

“Yeah?” He smiled softly, his voice a little shaky.

I laced my fingers through his and kissed his cheek, “Yes, G. I promise I’ll be right out there if you need me. You look out at that crowd and find me. I’ll be right there,” I whispered, squeezing his hand. I knew then and there that I was promising so much more than just that night. I’d be there as long as he needed me. I’d always fucking be there if I could.

“Frankie,” He leaned in a little closer.

“Come on guys, it’s time!” 

We all filed into the hall, where there were around forty kids waiting in the little room. I watched the band as they all took a deep breath and walked up to their instruments. I found a chair in the back of the room to stand on so I could see them, so Gerard could see me.

Then Gerard yelled, “Let’s go!”’ And they started playing  _ Skylines and Turnstiles _ . It was almost a delayed reaction. It seemed that at first the kids in the hall didn’t really know how they should react, they didn't really know what to do.

And then the room erupted. No one knew what to make of My Chemical Romance. No one was sure what this weird new sound was. It was fucking powerful. They fucking did it. I knew they were good, I had such faith in them, but I never expected something this incredible during their first show.

The room was electric. The kids went crazy. Hell, the band went crazy. Ray and G were kicking each other, it was awesome. Like I said, they knew this first show was make or break, and they fucking made it. They were better than anything I’d ever seen. I was right, not just about Gerard but the whole fucking band, they were all made for great things. And I wasn’t going to miss a single moment. I was going to be there through it all. 

That very first show, I knew they were my favourite band. They were simply incredible. I vowed then that I’d go to every show, I didn’t want to miss a single thing. 

I don’t think at that time that I had ever been so attracted to Gerard as I was when he first went on stage. His stage presence was unlike anything I’d ever seen before. He was a natural showman, he knew how to work the crowd. His very first show and he had the crowd in the palm of his hand. And he looked beautiful doing it. Sweaty and messy hair and just so fucking full of life.

Hambone brought me back to reality. “He needs to say the- Say the band name!” He cupped his hands around his mouth, yelling as loud as he could, “Say the band name!”

Gerard heard him and simply gave a little shake of his head. He refused to say the name and I had no idea why. That guy was so fucking weird. 

I loved him for it.

I was in the studio with them when they went in to record  _ Vampires Will Never Hurt You _ . Geoff, Saavedra and I went along to most sessions My Chem had, whether it was in the practice space or shows or now, in a studio to record a proper demo for  _ Vampires _ . I went along to everything, even when Geoff or Saavedra chose not to. I was still there. 

“They’ll record the album next month,” Geoff told me, “They’re just laying this down first, but in a month or so we’re actually gonna fucking record.”

Mikey pulled open the door then, and like the dumbass I was, I held out the joint as if that was why he wanted us. He gave me a look, “Gerard’s gone.”

The joint fell from between my fingers and Geoff cursed at me as he reached down to grab it. I was standing and making my way over to the youngest Way, “Gone? Where? Is he okay?”

“He took the van, he’s gone to get emergency dental work.”

G had an abscess in his tooth, and it had him in an unbelievable amount of pain. So I was fucking glad that he was finally getting that sorted.

But Mikey didn’t need to fucking phrase it in such a fucking frightening way.

I flicked the side of his head, “Dude, don’t fucking frighten me like that. Jesus.”

He looked startled momentarily, then he gave me that little half smirk of his, “Oh. Sorry. But um, Geoff, we need someone to go get him because he went by himself and he has the van. So someone needs to drive it home.”

“I’ll do it,” I offered immediately, grabbing my jacket from where it was flung on the back of the sofa.

“You’re too stoned,” Geoff gave me a little shove and I fell back onto the couch, “I’ll get a cab and I’ll collect the van and make sure G gets back in one piece.”

So I stayed on the sofa and kept smoking.

Gerard did get back in one piece, but he was a grumpy little shit when he came in. He was bitching about being in pain, about being out of it, about not wanting to sing. 

And so Saavedra punched him in the fucking mouth. “Now go sing,” He insisted.

“What the fuck, man?” I jumped up from my spot but Geoff grabbed me before I could go and return the fucking favour to Saavedra. Who the fuck did he think he was to fucking punch Gerard? I’d fucking kill him.

But Gerard went in and gave it his all, fuelled by rage and pain and emotion. And it was fucking beautiful.

Saavedra noticed me glaring and sighed, “Time is money, Frank. We need to get this done.”

“You ever put a fucking finger on him again and I swear I’ll do a lot worse than just punch you in the fucking face,” I snarled.

Ray rolled his eyes, “He’s fine, Frank. There’s no need to get upset.”

I shot Saavedra another glare, just for good measure, then tried to distract myself with the video camera I’d brought with me.

Gerard sang perfectly. He always fucking did. I found that in the short time I knew him I was falling more and more every fucking day. We were spending so much time together and I loved so much of what he did. 

I loved the passion in his voice as he sang, as he talked about music. I loved the way his lips moved in that strange way of his. I loved how he looked when he sang, how he came to life. I loved the way he drew, I loved listening to the ideas he had. I loved his art, I loved his passion. I loved how much he loved his brother, how protective he was of him. I loved the connection they had. I loved how much he cared about the people around him. 

And I loved the way he looked when his guard was down. I loved him in his pyjamas. I loved the way he looked when he was sleepy. I loved the content little face he made when he got his first sip of coffee in the mornings. The first time I’d seen that had only been a couple of days after their first show. I’d shown up at their house one morning where I was greeted by Donna Way.

“You must be Frank,” She beamed, and I idly wondered how I was so identifiable. “Come in, come in. Mikey’s in the kitchen making coffee.”

“And Gerard?” I followed her through the house.

“He’s asleep in the basement, I’ll- Mikey, get your brother.”

“I’m making coffee, Ma,” Mikeyway was yawning as I walked into the kitchen and his mother sighed, excusing herself to go yell for Gerard to get up.

“You want a coffee?” Mikey asked me, not at all curious as to why I was in their home so early in the morning. I nodded eagerly and he gestured for me to sit at the old kitchen table.

“Ma, it’s too fucking early,” I could hear him grumbling. And then there he was, standing in the doorway in a faded old pair of Batman pyjama pants and an old Metallica t-shirt with his hair sticking up all over the place and a yawn forming around his lips.

“Coffee?” Mikey offered, and I wondered if Mikeyway could think of anything other than caffeine at this time. 

His brother grunted in response, which Mikey understood to be  _ yes _ . G sat down and it seemed that he only noticed me then. He looked a little startled, “Hey Frankie.” He smiled sleepily. And then Mikey put a mug in front of him and I saw him light up as he drank, saw the happiness settle on his face. It was another one of those moments where I realised just how beautiful he was.

I was having another one of those moments when he came out of the live room, still all riled up. Angry Gerard was something I didn’t realise I was into, but apparently I fucking was.

Then I realised that I was into just about any form of Gerard.

I allowed myself a little moment to think of him storming out of the room and pushing me against the wall and-

Hang on, where the fuck was he going?

He stormed off outside and I was pushing myself off the sofa to follow him when Ray beat me to it. For fucks sake.

“Mikey,” I waved the bassist over, “Do you have any food?”

He rolled his eyes - the asshole did that a lot - but headed off to get me some food and then we sat together on the little studio sofa sharing a bag of chips.

And then Gerard came back in to lay down some more vocals and I decided to shoot my fucking shot and press my luck a little more.

“Hey, G!” I gave him my brightest smile as he walked towards the live room. “Want me to scream with you?”

His eyes widened and a blush crept across his cheeks.

_ Too suggestive, too suggestive, too suggestive. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. _

But he gave me a small smile and nodded, “Yeah sure. Yeah, if you want.”

I gave my camera and the rest of the bag of chips to Mikey and then looped my arm around Gerard and headed into the live room with him.

And we laid down the screams for  _ Vampires Will Never Hurt You _ .

+++ 

“Hang on,” I interrupted Frank’s story, “What about Shaun? Didn’t he say something?” I flipped through my notes, “Yeah, he said  _ Frank, don’t get carried away _ .”

Frank simply rolled his eyes, “G told you that?” 

“Yeah, he touched on this story a little.”

“Shaun wasn’t there. He’s getting it confused with a different day I think,” He laughed, “I was the only one who made a habit of always being there.” He was frowning at my notebook again and before I knew it he’d scooped it out of my hands. “This says they only started talking about me being in the band  _ after _ Pencey Prep broke up.”

“Yeah,” I was frowning too, “Um, wasn’t it like the day after in the studio?”

“No, not at all,” He chuckled, “They first started to talk about another guitarist when they were recording  _ Vampires _ . And then a little while after that Pencey Prep broke up, and then G asked me to join maybe a couple days later and the night after they all rocked up to my house to officially ask me. I’ll get to that in a minute. But yeah, I think Gerard is mixing things up just a little. But I mean… tooth abscess, meds, pain, fucking pain meds. I’m not surprised he’s a little confused.”

“Oh. Huh.”

“Yep. Good luck to you, kid. You’ve got a bunch of unreliable narrators. Anyway…”

+++

It was electric. I knew in that moment that I had to be with those guys, I was meant to be a part of it. I knew that was where I was meant to be, that was what I was meant to do.

It just felt right.

“Well that was fucking great!” Geoff confirmed what I felt. It was fucking great. I could feel it, and so could everyone else.

I hugged Gerard as tightly as I possibly could, “Fuck yeah, G!” I hoped with every fibre of my being that he had felt it too. That Ray had felt it, that Mikey had felt it.

Did they not all feel that I belonged there?

… And then I remembered that I already had a band.

A few hours later I was back on my spot on the sofa. Mikey was next to me, with my legs sprawled across his lap simply because I knew it irked him. Gerard was spaced out, probably because of the pain he was in, and I wondered if I should offer him some weed.

Saavedra was bitching at Ray about guitar parts, a heated discussion of sorts.

“You can’t fucking recreate this shit live!” Saavedra insisted, and even though I was still kind of pissed at him for punching Gerard, I had to fucking agree. He was laying down about fourteen different guitar parts and there was no fucking way he could do that shit live.

Geoff also agreed with Saavedra, “It’s just not possible, Ray. I’ve told you this before.”

“You can’t do this shit live,” Saavedra told him.

Ray was shaking his head, “I’ll just choose between the important parts and the not so important parts.” 

“Ray,” Geoff sighed, “If there were unimportant parts then they shouldn’t be on the record in the first place.” 

He had a fucking point.

“Hey, what’s happening with Neil?” Mikey nudged me and I stopped eavesdropping. He continued, “I heard he was leaving. What happened?”

I shrugged, “I don’t know, man. I think he’s kind of done. He’s  _ ready to move on _ or something. I don’t really know where that leaves the band. How did you hear about that?”

He shrugged, “Tim. He said he was thinking of following.”

I nodded, “Yeah. I guess it’s kinda run its course or whatever.” I took a drag from my joint and glanced back at Gerard, once again wondering if I should offer him some.

“You need another guitarist,” Geoff pointed out, and Mikey fucking pointedly nudged me. He was smirking, the little shit. He stood up, moving to sit on one of the chairs where the others were gathered.

They did need another fucking guitarist, and I was the perfect fucking fit, but I was too fucking stoned. If they asked me to try out now… I’d miss my shot. 

“Have you guys thought about adding another guitar player, so you can do this stuff live?” Someone asked. Maybe it was John Naclerio, or maybe one of the other guys in the studio. I couldn’t fucking-

+++

“It was some guy called Andrew,” I pointed out.

Frank shot me a very  _ done parent _ look, “Hush. It doesn’t matter.” 

I held up my hands, “I’m just saying.”

He shushed me.

+++

Mikey was still smirking and he shot me a look, “The only guy we’ve ever considered is currently too high to get off the couch.”

I couldn’t fucking argue with that. So instead I pretended I heard none of it.

But that was the first time I thought it might be possible for me to play in my favourite band – and it scared the shit out of me. And yet the look Gerard was giving me the whole fucking time made me think that not only was it a possibility, but it was what was meant to happen. And he wanted it so fucking badly too. 

Neil Sabatino left Pencey Prep around that same time. And Tim Hagevik followed. The band unraveled, slowly but surely. And so Hambone, Shaun and I decided to call it quits.

And just like that Pencey Prep was over.

Geoff rang me as soon as he heard. He expected me to be bummed out, but I didn’t really know how to feel. Yeah, it was shit that my band was gone, but I guess the time was right. Geoff didn’t really understand.

“Fuck, I think my heart would fucking break if I lost Thursday,” He sounded a little mournful and I almost laughed. “Anyway, I gotta go. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow? What? Geoff, dude, Pencey is over.”

“I know, but I’ll be in with My Chem tomorrow. I’ll see you then.”

And so I fucking went to the studio the next day, because why the hell not?

I took up my usual spot on the sofa and Gerard flashed me one of his beautiful smiles when he saw me.

“Sorry to hear about the band, Frank,” Ray sounded sincere, and I nodded my thanks.

I liked Ray. He was probably the nicest guy I’d ever met. And undoubtedly one of the best guitar players ever. Fucking Guitar Hero Ray Toro.

“It’s okay,” I shrugged and offered Ray my brightest smile, “I’ll figure it out.”

“You’re too good not to be playing, you know that?”

I grinned, “Awh shucks, you’ll make me blush.”

Things between Gerard and I changed that day. It was the slightest change, the slightest fucking shift. But it was there. 

He watched me most of that day, kept his eyes on me the entire fucking time. I realised then that I really did love him. I’d fucking kill for the guy. I loved him so fucking much.

And then, later on that day, I realised that I was in love with him.

They’d been talking once again about needing another guitar player and G had been rubbing at his jaw, his mouth clearly in pain once again. And so when he excused himself to go out for a smoke, I followed him without hesitation. He knew I would. I always fucking did. He was well fucking used to me being his shadow at that point.

“You in pain?” 

He fucking looked like he was. “It kinda just depends, man. I’ll survive but I really wish I wasn’t dealing with this shit in the middle of recording.” A week until recording, but I knew what he meant. They were working at full speed and the last thing he needed was to be in pain.

I wanted to kiss it better, but that was dumb and it wasn’t possible. So instead I settled for saying, “That sucks, man.”

He nodded, because it did fucking suck. “So,” He started, and my heart sank.

He sounded fucking serious. Maybe they wanted me to stop hanging around. Maybe Gerard was given the fucking mantle of having to tell me to fuck off.

“We need another guitar player.”

Oh.  _ Oh _ . Well shit.

I tried to ignore the hope that fluttered through me. “How does Toro feel about that?”

I knew for a fact that Ray was freaked. I’d been there when they’d been discussing it, and Ray was adamant that My Chemical Romance did not need another guitar player.

He shrugged, “He’s a little scared, but excited. He thinks it’ll be fun, especially seeing as the guy we have in mind is a lot different to him in ways.” There was a coy smile playing on his lips.

“Gerard Ways or Mikey Ways?” Oh for fucks sake… Of all the dumb fucking things for me to say.

G took a deep breath, thankfully ignoring my dumb attempt at humour, “So, how would you feel about joining the band as our rhythm guitarist?” 

This had to be a fucking joke, this couldn’t be fucking real. “Are you asking me if I want to not only just play with my favourite band but actually fucking join them?”

“Yeah I guess we are,” He looked a little nervous.

I widened my eyes, “You want me to join the band?”

“Yes, Frankie,” He rolled his eyes.

He was serious, he was serious, he was fucking serious.

“Oh my God!” I threw my arms around him, jumping into his arms. He wasn’t expecting the force of my hug and we fell onto the ground in a heap, but somehow we managed to stay in each other’s arms. He laughed against my neck and I realised that I really was falling in love with him. I shrieked with joy, “Yes, yes, yes, fucking fuck yeah! Yes, yes, I’d love to! Thank you G, thank you so fucking much!” 

It was real, it was real, this was actually fucking happening.

Gerard held me tightly, “There is literally no one else we would want to have, man. You said you were gonna be by my side for the whole thing, right?” He whispered.

“What?” I moved away from him, a little shocked that he remembered that.

“You know, before our first show.”

I widened my eyes, “You listened to that?” 

“Of course I did!” He looked offended at my suggestion.

“I just- You were so drunk, I wasn’t expecting you to remember it, I guess. But I meant every single word I said, Gee,” I grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly, “You’re meant for great things.”

“So are you,” He shifted closer.

I gulped, “Maybe we’re meant to do great things together.”

“I th-”

Pelissier threw open the door, “Hey! Are you guys coming back in or not? We’ve still got shit to do.”

_ We _ . I was included in that now. 

I helped Gerard up and he held onto my hand a moment longer than necessary.

“Hey, don’t tell the guys I asked you yet,” He scratched the back of his neck, “There’s a whole thing. It’s a- There’s a whole thing and Mikey’s gonna be mad if he finds out so-”

I laughed, “I can contain my excitement, don’t worry.”

Sure enough, later that night, there was a knock on my front door and I felt like a kid as I bounded over to be asked  _ on a stroll _ . They were so fucking lame, I loved them.

I was met with a grin from Gerard. All four guys - G, Mikey, Ray and Pelissier - were lined up in the doorway. Mikey looked slightly less bored than usual, which was always a good sign. G looked like he wasn’t sure what to do, but he was smiling nonetheless, and nothing else mattered.

Ray laid it all out very simply for me. He told me about the album, about how they were starting recording - proper fucking recording - in less than a week and then he built up to a very simple question.

“Do you want to join?” Mikey beat him to the question, actually fucking smiling.

Gerard bumped his shoulder against mine and for the briefest instant his fingers brushed against mine.

I beamed, “Fuck yeah!”

John Naclerio’s basement was wild. I’d been there before with Pencey Prep and I knew John pretty well. It made the daunting reality a little easier.

We - the entire band, which I was now a part of - were simply delighted to be in the studio. I felt a little disjointed, a little bit like a fan - which I suppose I was. They weren’t my songs, I hadn’t really found my place yet.

But Ray was in his element. He was obsessed with the technology that he was able to use. He loved mixing tracks and that had been one of his jobs when they’d made the demos. And he loved the potential that John Naclerio’s basement held.

I loved Ray, and we had become pretty good friends over the short few months we’d known each other, but I knew my very presence was off putting for him. And I had no idea what to do. I didn’t want to step on his toes, and yet I didn’t want to lose my opportunity to prove my worth in the band.

But somehow I ended up spending a lot of time lounging on the sofa and it felt like nothing at all had changed. I still lounged on the sofa, still occasionally squeezed into the little live room with Gerard, still did everything I could to irk Mikey, still smoked on the sofa. I still didn’t feel like a proper member of the band.

Mikey was a saving grace for all of us. He still couldn’t really play. He was better than he had been and he had such passion when he played, but he was still learning. He still had a ways to go. And we all fucking loved watching him grow.

Everyone loved Mikey, it was impossible not to once you got to know him, and-

+++

“Stop making that face,” Frank sighed.

I rolled my eyes, “What fucking face?”

“That one where you’re just…  _ itching _ to say something.”

“Well how can you tell? You literally only met me yesterday evening.”

He shrugged, “Yes, and? Dude, you’re literally just a little girl version of G and Mikes. Baby Way in-fucking-deed. And you’ve already made your  _ itching to say something  _ face like four times. So go ahead and say whatever the fuck it is.”

I loved this guy so fucking much. I literally did not think it was possible to love him anymore than I already did. And yet here we are.

Once again, whoever said never meet your heroes clearly didn’t have heroes as good as mine.

I grinned, “I was just gonna agree with you. Mikeyway is probably one of the most loveable people I’ve ever met.”

His grin mirrored mine, “Just wait until you meet Toro.”

+++

And I guess being around him and Gerard and all their  _ brotherly _ love it was just impossible not to think of him as a little brother - even though he was actually older than me. 

That was something I wasn’t able to forget either. They all made a point to remind me constantly that I was the baby. 

And I suppose I was, I was only twenty at the time. I was a fucking baby, me and Mikey were so fucking young compared to the rest of them.

But Mikey made things easier for everyone, made the stressful, daunting reality of recording an album so much more bearable.

And Gerard made me feel like I belonged in those moments when I was terrified they’d never see me as anything more than their weird friend/fan, that I’d never be a proper part of the band. Gerard seemed to feel when I slumped. He’d come over, take my hands and pull me off the sofa, dragging me into the live room with him or pulling me outside to look at John’s dog while we smoked or playing Nintendo in the little washroom in the basement. 

And then the craziest thing happened. Ray and I just clicked. We found our flow.

It came in the form of  _ Honey this Mirror Ain’t Big Enough for the Two of Us _ . It was like a switch flicked between us. 

I was playing around with parts over Ray’s opening riff and it just  _ fit _ . Ray practically rushed me into the live room.

That uncomfortable feeling that had been between us, that horrible feeling of stepping on his toes, had all fallen away with that song. That awkwardness that had overshadowed us just disappeared. We realised then that not only could we make it work, but that it was going to be fucking incredible.

The whole recording process of that album was all a bit of a whirlwind to be honest. People would come and go from the studio. John’s mom would vacuum and we’d have to stop. Gerard was so alive, so happy. John’s dog would bark and we’d have to stop. We all piled into the live room to scream on  _ This Is The Best Day Ever _ , everyone in the studio. Ray and I really began to bond. Pelissier was being a dickhead. Ray caught up the slack. I spent hours in the back of the van writing my parts for  _ Early Sunsets Over Monroeville _ . Gerard brought me coffee and cigarettes. 

It was chaotic, and far from perfect but I wouldn’t change a thing.

The fucking video for  _ Vampires Will Never Hurt You _ was insane. It had been pretty spur of the moment, pretty fucking impulsive. 

A friend of mine had a rented storage lockout and somehow we ended up there with a few shitty cameras and our instruments. It was messy and not exactly professional but it was fucking great.

We all piled into the dark little lockout and hung sheets for the backdrop. Gerard then proceeded to paint them as the rest of us set everything up. After a while I joined him, silently picking up some paint and copying what he was doing.

And then we were giddy, laughing and giggling as Ray handed us our suits to change into.

“The paint fumes are going to your head,” Mikey scoffed as I fumbled with Gerard’s tie. I giggled, and did my best to disguise it but of course Mikey heard it anyway. He rolled his eyes, “And you’re stoned as fucking per.”

G was absolutely feral during that shoot. And I was definitely stoned. And Mikeyway was probably right.

But it was fucking incredible.

I forgot to lock the trailer, I forgot to lock the trailer, I forgot to lock the trailer.

Oh fuck, Mikey was going to kill me. Ray was going to kill me. 

I realised just as Mikey started screaming.

“The trailer! The fucking- G, the trailer! My stuff! Pull the fuck over! The fucking trailer is open!” He yelled, and I almost fucking laughed at the intense emotion he was exhibiting.

My heart dropped as our stuff was flung out onto the highway. Our fucking stuff.

Gerard twisted around in his seat, wide eyed with his mouth open ever so slightly and the strangest look of awe etched across his beautiful features.

And then he started laughing maniacally, and I remember thinking that he couldn’t have been registering what was going on.

“My fucking bass! My bass! Pull the fuck over now, that’s my fucking bass!” Mikey was still yelling, and I tore my eyes away from Gerard. 

I fumbled to grab the door handle and in a wild fucking moment of adrenaline or whatever the fuck, I flung myself out of the van.

My bandmates screamed after me, but I just ran. 

“I gotta get Mikey’s bass!” I found myself laughing, and I wondered if Gerard’s maniacal reaction had rubbed off on me.

There was something strangely freeing about it all. 

And then I almost got clipped by a fucking car and I realised that I was just a complete fucking dumbass. 

I found Mikey’s guitar eventually. It had been fucked over the bridge, landing in the shallow, rocky water below.

Huh. 

How the fuck did that happen?

I wished I had a camera to take a picture of it. It was oddly beautiful.

Gerard would love it. Mikey would be heartbroken.

Aw shit.

It wasn’t that far… And the water didn’t look that deep.

I swung my legs over the low railing, looped one arm around it and then stretched the other out to grab at the guitar.

Okay so maybe it was farther than I thought.

Huh.

I sighed and hopped back onto the relative safety of ongoing traffic. 

At least I could say I tried my best.

I jogged back up to where the van was pulled up. The others had gotten out and were gathered around the trailer. Assessing the damage, I assumed.

“You  _ what _ ?” I choked on smoke as I laughed.

Mikey rolled his eyes, that playful smile of his toying at his lips, “Okay, it sounds worse than it was.”

“He sold bootlegged Disney movies so he could go see The Smashing Pumpkins. It’s exactly how it sounds,” Gerard’s beautiful laughter filled the van.

I grinned, “Michael James Way, you little criminal.”

“Have they really never told you this one?” Ray chuckled, “It’s a good one.”

“It’s a- No!” Mikey huffed, “It’s just- I was fifteen.”

“You were fifteen?” I cackled, “No fucking way!”

Gerard looked delighted, “I can’t believe you haven’t heard this. Mikeyway, can I tell him? I tell it better than you do.” 

He huffed again, “There’s nothing to tell. Just- let me explain.”

“There’s nothing to explain!”

“I was an internet entrepreneur!” Mikey scoffed, dropping his head onto the seat in front of him.

I ruffled his hair teasingly, “An internet entrepreneur?” I was in stitches, “Mikeyway, you’re killing me.”

“It gets better,” Ray shot me a grin, “Just wait.”

Pelissier, who was trying to sleep, glared at us from the front of the van, “Yo, shut the fuck up!”

Gerard ignored him and giggled, “It wasn’t your typical Disney movie. It was usually movies that they didn’t release for fucking valid reasons.”

“It was  _ Song of the South _ ,” Mikey sighed.

“Mikey fucking Way!” I chortled, “You bootlegged  _ Song of the South _ ?”

“With Korean subtitles!” Gerard added.

Mikey tried to amend himself a little, “ _ The Black Cauldron _ and shit like that too! It wasn’t just  _ Song of the South _ !”

“Still not at the best part,” Ray covered his mouth as he laughed.

“ _ It gets better _ ?” I was cracking up. Mikey fucking Way bootlegging racist Disney movies with Korean subtitles at fifteen fucking years old so he could go see The Smashing Pumpkins was not at all what I expected to hear.

But somehow it didn’t fucking surprise me.

“He got nabbed!” Gerard exclaimed, as if he couldn’t hold it in any longer, “The fucking FBI showed up at our house!”

“I’m pretty sure it was just a P.I,” Mikey mumbled.

“Grandma was scared.”

He rolled his eyes, “Only because she thought I was going to end up in juvie.”

“Wait, were you arrested?” I cracked up.

“No!” He shrieked.

“He was given a formal warning,” Gerard cackled.

The laughter that filled the small space was the kind that made me feel at home. It was the reason I loved them all so much.

My mom was the one who told me when Elena passed away. She’d simply asked how Gerard and Mikey were holding up and my heart dropped.

I rang the house as soon as I heard, and it went straight to the answering machine.

I left a jumbled voicemail, saying I was sorry, telling them to call if they needed me, not at all sure what I should be saying,

They were going to be destroyed, I knew it. They’d be devastated, of course they would.

We had only gotten home the day before. We’d been touring, non fucking stop touring. 

They thought she was okay. She’d be fine, as far as we were aware, as far as Gerard and Mikey were aware. 

Gerard had been happy when they dropped me home. He’d gotten out of the van and hugged me as I’d unloaded my stuff. Mikey had even smiled and waved. They were excited to be home. They were excited to see their family. They were still on a high from being signed onto Reprise. 

And now it was all crashing around them.

“You’ll only fill their answering machine, sweetie,” Mom sighed when I picked up the phone yet again, “They’ll answer once they can. It’s a trying time.”

That was far from reassuring, but I suppose there was no reassurance in a situation such as this. I couldn’t begin to imagine what they were going through.

And so I picked up the phone yet again, this time phoning Ray.

“Have you heard?” I asked as soon as he picked up.

“Yeah, I tried to call but- Well I guess they’re not able to pick up right now…”

I nodded, “Yeah, I had no luck either. Are you gonna go over later?”

We decided it was probably best to wait and so neither of us saw them until the funeral. 

As I fastened my tie around my crisp, ironed shirt I couldn’t help but wonder about Gerard. He couldn’t tie a tie. It was something that I’d always found quite adorable and yet now my heart was dropping at the thought. 

I was pulling on my scuffed Converse and rushing to the door as soon as I realised. 

My mom called me back then, handing me a casserole to give to Donna and telling me she’d see me in the church. I rang Ray while I waited, asking him to come with me.

He picked me up not too long after that. He too was dressed in his best suit, looking cleaner than I’d seen him be in a long fucking time. I suppose the same could be said of me.

“Who did your tie?” I asked as I slid into the car. Why I was so fucking concerned about ties was beyond me. But none of them knew how to tie their own fucking ties, they always  _ always _ got me to do it for them.

“My mom,” He laughed a little, “I wasn’t sure if I’d see you before the… yeah. What have you got there?”

“Mom made casserole,” I shrugged, “I don’t fucking know why.”

We didn’t really talk much. Ray was someone who you could sit in silence with without it being uncomfortable. He was one of the greatest guys I’ve ever known.

“Have you heard from them?” Ray asked as we walked up the driveway. It was too early, they would still be getting ready and we weren’t due to be in the church for another hour, but I wanted to be early.

Someone needed to help them with their ties.

“I haven’t,” I shook my head, and tried to ignore that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. The Way brothers were going to be in such a mess, I just knew it.

Donna answered the door, looking shocked to see us both so early.

“I hope we’re not intruding,” Ray offered one of his best smiles. 

“Not all, boys. Come on in,” She smiled a little in return, although it didn’t quite meet her eyes.

I held the casserole dish up, “My mom made this for you. Just because… you know.”

She nodded, “Thank you, Frank. If you’d just put that in the kitchen, I’m just going to finish getting ready. The boys should be in the kitchen too.”

They were, both of them red eyed and puffy faced sitting at the kitchen table with mugs of coffee in front of them.

Mikey leapt up when he saw us, hugging Ray tightly as I placed the dish onto the counter. As I turned, I stepped into Mikey’s embrace. He fell against me.

_ Oh Mikey. _

He muttered something against my shoulder, it could have been “ _ thank you for coming _ ” but I wasn’t sure.

“I’m so sorry, Mikes,” I whispered, because what else was there to say?

He nodded, because there was nothing else to say.

Gerard didn’t move from his seat at the table. 

Mikey offered us coffee and cigarettes, of course he did. It was what he did when he didn’t know what to do. 

I made my way over to Gerard. Sure enough, his tie hung limply around his neck. I crouched down next to him and silently tied it and fixed his shirt around it. 

If that was all I could do to help him today, I’d do it. I’d do fucking anything I could. 

I kept my eyes on him as I rose to my feet, waiting for him to say something, to do something. He offered me the smallest of smiles, a sad, sorrowful smile really. But it was something. 

I bent, dropping a kiss to the top of his head and then heading back over to where Mikey was standing in front of the coffee machine.

“Mikeyway, let me tie your tie,” I bumped his shoulder.

Anyway I could fucking help I would…

It turned out that helping also included Ray and I bringing Donna a coffee, searching for jackets for them to wear over their suits, helping Mikey find Gerard’s shoes… 

I sat with Ray in the church, we squeezed into the row behind G, Mikey and Donna, between distant relatives and close family friends. And two scruffy looking musicians too, I guess. 

It was only during the service, as I watched Gerard and Mikey sit with their heads bent together, clutching each other's hands that I realised that they were just two boys who had lost one of the most important people in their lives.

It wasn’t Mikeyway, the badass guy who was so fucking determined to learn bass, who believed so strongly in his brother’s band, who was a genius when it came to band names, who never failed to cheer a whole room up even without cracking a single smile himself. Instead he was just a nerdy little kid who didn’t know what to do when he had lost one of the people closest to him and watching his hero fade away.

And Gerard was no longer the hero, not in his own eyes anyway. He’d always be the hero of my story, of Mikey’s, of countless many others too I suppose, but that day he was just Gerard. He wasn’t  _ the saviour of the broken, the beaten and the damned _ \- 

+++

“Why are you laughing?” Frank scowled at me. He was pretty interesting to do this with honestly. With Mikey and Gerard, they’d just go off on a rant, off into their own worlds and they’d hardly even notice I was there. Much less comment on whether or not I laughed.

I pressed my hand over my lips, trying to suppress a giggle, “I’m not. I just-  _ The saviour of the broken, the beaten and the damned _ ? Really, Frank?”

He rolled his eyes, “I’m just saying, that’s what kids have referred to him as.”

I shrugged, “I’m not saying it isn’t. It’s just cheesy, that’s all. And that’s coming from someone who has listened to Mikeyway go off on one about the  _ droplets of water _ on Pete Wentz’s chest.”

“Gross,” Frank pulled a face, “Now stop interrupting.”

+++

He wasn’t a leader, wasn’t the guy who took everything in his stride and smiled in response to cruel criticisms. He wasn’t fearless or strong or brave. He was a boy who was suffering and hurting and falling apart, and he didn’t have anyone to help him. He was lost, he was losing himself.

So in those moments when it seemed like he was falling a little too far, I would lean forward and place my hand onto his shoulder. And he’d squeeze Mikey’s hand a little tighter.

It was a miserable, morbid affair. But of course it was. Ray and I made sure to keep close to the Way brothers throughout it all, to be there to step in if the occasion called for it.

“Ray,” I nudged him later on in the day, when we were back in the Way’s house and too many people bustled around in the small space. I’d been keeping an eye on Gerard and spotted him looking as if he was being cornered by an older woman. I gestured to Ray, “I’m gonna go check on him.”

I slipped through the crowd, making my way over to G. He had barely spoken to us today, nevermind a strange woman. That was the last fucking thing he needed.

He was wide eyed and silent when I got over there and the woman was scowling ever so slightly.

I tried to flash my most parent friendly smile. “Thank you for coming. We all really appreciate it,” I put my hand on G’s back because I just needed him to know I was there for him.

I got him away from her as quickly as I possibly could. I thought about rejoining Ray and just keeping Gerard close to us, but I really just knew he didn’t want to be there at all. 

And so I led him downstairs to his basement. He needed a minute, and I’d give him a little break and then we’d go back up there with our heads held high. He went straight to his bed and screwed his eyes shut. He’d been through such an ordeal, I didn’t know if there was even anything I could do to help. I just wished there was.

“Come on, G,” I sat down next to him and slipped an arm under his blazer. He went limp under my touch. “Oh Gerard,” I sighed, feeling the tears prick the corners of my eyes as I watched them fall freely down his cheeks.

That was it, I decided, there was no fucking way we were going back out there. He was staying here. And I was staying with him.

“Okay,” I nodded to myself, because I wasn’t really sure he was fully aware of anything that was going on. “Okay, let's get this off you.” I tugged at the blazer, helping him shrug it off. I folded over the back of his chair, the one I knew he would sit on late into the night when an idea hit him. I smiled at the thought, at the memory of all the times I’d wandered into the basement to find him sitting there, the times he’d look up and grin at me. And then I made my way back over to the shell of a boy who was sitting on the bed. I loosened the tie then, undoing my earlier work. My fingers were shaking as I opened the top buttons of his shirt.

I couldn’t help but think of all the countless times I had fantasized about this, about undressing him. And how I had never thought that it would be under these circumstances. With his tie loose and his shirt open I decided to move onto his shoes. They were too squeaky clean, too shiny. I could just tell he hated them. So I pulled them off and tossed them across the room. He wouldn’t care.

I stood, glancing around the room and looking for his pyjamas. I knew the  _ Star Wars  _ pyjama pants were his favourites and-

His hand slipped into mine and I dropped onto the bed next to him, my search forgotten. 

“I’m so fucking sorry, Gerard,” I whispered as he squeezed my hand, “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to do, I just want to help. I wish I could help. I’m so sorry.”

He squeezed my hand again, and it was a sign of life.

I sighed, “I haven’t had a smoke all day. You want a cigarette?” I pulled a box from my pocket and lit one. I took a drag and then his shaky hand raised to take it from me. I watched him as he smoked, as he passed it over and back to me, as he squeezed my hand and shut his eyes and blocked the world out. I wanted to take the pain away, I wanted that more than fucking anything, but I’d do whatever I could.

Geoff was worried, “How’s he doing?” He had rang me from the road to check up on Gerard, because he knew just as well as the rest of us that he was going down a dangerous fucking path.

“He’s grieving,” I sighed, “He’ll get better.” Those were my go-to lines lately. I had said them to Mikey, Donna, Ray… We were all frightened about what was happening. Gerard was spiralling and none of us knew what to do.

“It’s been-”

“I know, Geoff,” I grunted, “But we’re not going to let anything happen to him.”

He sounded strangely sympathetic, “I don’t think that’s something we can control.”

“I’m not going to let anything happen to him,” I muttered, this time with more resolve. 

“Frank-”

“No, I mean it. He’s going to be okay.”

I spoke too fucking soon, I guess I jinxed it or something. 

A couple of days later, Mikey rang me sounding more panicked than I think I’d ever heard him.

“Woah, slow down. What the fuck happened?” I was already grabbing my shoes. 

His voice was low and all I could really make out was “…too many pills…”

And my heart fucking sank. 

No no no no no.

This couldn’t be fucking happening. This-

“Mikey, please fucking tell me he isn’t- Oh God, is he- Tell me he’s okay.”

“I don’t know, Frank. I just- Please, I just need help. I can’t- I don’t know what to do. He’s in a bad fucking way, I-”

“I’m on my way,” I rushed out the door, “I’ll be there. Just-”  _ Keep him alive. _

I couldn’t help but wonder why he’d called me.

I didn’t bother knocking, I just ran around the back. They so fucking rarely locked that door.

He was on the kitchen floor, eyes closed and face strangely calm. He was lying perfectly still in a pool of what looked like his own vomit. Oh fuck. Oh no, please no.

“Gerard?” My voice came out in a whimper. I was frozen to the spot, my legs felt like jelly.

And then he stirred ever so slightly and his eyes fluttered open. Mikey was on the floor next to him, and he was saying something but I took no notice. 

“G!” I threw myself onto the ground next to him, feeling his fucking vomit soaking into my jeans. But it didn’t fucking matter. I cupped his cheeks, tilting his face up and brushing his hair away from his eyes. 

“He’s- He took too much,” Mikey sounded distraught.

“What the fuck happened?” I tried to keep my voice steady as I watched his eyes roll around in his head. 

He tried to say something, I have no clue what. It just fell out of his lips in a slurred jumble mixed with some spit up. I’d never seen him in such a state.

“He took some pills, washed it down the usual way,” Mikey moved closer, trying to wipe up some of the vomit the three of us were currently sitting in. “Do you think he’s gonna- I don’t know what to do. He’s- Fuck, Frank, what do we do?”

I realised then why he’d called me. He was scared. And he needed a friend, and someone who loved Gerard just as deeply as he did.

And I needed to be the one to keep my cool.

Okay. I got this. Keep fucking calm. “How much did he take?”

Mikey’s voice was shaky, “Enough. He’s pretty fucked up.”

That much was fucking obvious. And Mikey was looking at me as if he expected me to know what to do with Gerard.

He was lying in a pool of his own vomit, he was barely fucking concious. We couldn’t just-

“Help me lift him,” I decided, “We can’t just leave him lying in vomit. And whatever the fuck else.” I nudged the shattered ceramic away from him, fearing that he would accidentally impale himself on it or something. And Mikeyway was as accident prone as they fucking came. I’m surprised he hadn’t sat on it or something already. I nodded, “Help me lift him,” I repeated.

I wrapped an arm around his waist and slung one of his arms over my shoulders. His head dropped onto my shoulder as Mikey supported his weight from the other side.

We walked down to the basement and Mikey made for the bed.

“No,” I shook my head, and led us toward the small bathroom, “You can’t put him into bed like this. He’s covered in vomit, Mikes.” I was too, honestly. I don’t know why I wasn’t freaked out or disgusted. 

Lifting him into the bath proved to be a lot more difficult than dragging him downstairs had been. He didn’t really try to help us, I wasn’t exactly sure he was aware of what was going on. When we did finally lift him in, he slumped over.

“Do you think he’s going to be okay?” Mikey asked as I crouched down next to the bathtub, brushing G’s hair out of his face once again.

“Sure he will,” I tried to sound reassuring but it didn’t really work, “Where’s your mom?” I knew Donna hadn’t exactly been handling Gerard’s issues well. The last thing we needed was her to arrive home to this.

Mikey sighed, “She’s out for lunch or something. I don’t fucking know. But she’ll freak if she sees the kitchen. You know how she is. I need to clean it up. Will you stay with him? Just make sure he doesn’t choke on his own vomit or something.”

“Yeah, of course,” I stood, “I’m gonna get him cleaned up and into bed. Will you, uh- Will you make sure he can’t take anything else?”

He nodded, and exited the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

Okay. I got this.

“Let’s get you cleaned up, yeah?” I twisted on the water, holding the shower head a distance away from Gerard as I checked the temperature. I tucked it onto its holder and looked back to Gerard, who was watching me with glassy eyes.

I tried to smile, “Come on, Gee. I need you to work with me here. You’re covered in puke.” 

I knew he wasn’t entirely comfortable with his body so I didn’t want to strip him off completely but he was fucking filthy and he needed to be cleaned before he could get into bed.

I carefully pulled off his hoodie and he helped me to wiggle him out of his sweatpants. I directed him under the spray, letting the warm water wash over him. I plucked his socks off then - they were fucking covered in vomit. I tossed them into the small trash can and then balled up the hoodie and sweatpants and tossed them into the laundry hamper.

When I glanced back over at him, he was once again slumped this time with his eyes closed and his face pressed against the tiles. He was perfectly still as the water washed over him. Too fucking still.

I didn’t even hesitate to jump into the bath, diving right under the spray next to him.

“Gerard! Fuck, shit- Gerard!” I tapped his cheeks, pushing his stringy hair out of his face and shaking him. His eyes fluttered open and I allowed myself a moment of relief. “Fuck, don’t scare me like that, asshole. Come on, we need to get you cleaned up.”

I stayed under the water with him, not caring that I was getting soaked, that my clothes were getting soaked. I took my time washing his hair, massaging the shampoo into his scalp and brushing my fingers through it and working out all of the knots and clumps of vomit. I should have been disgusted, should have been repulsed, but I was just too concerned to even think of it that way.

Washing his body was a lot more difficult, seeing as I had to do it with him in his t-shirt and boxers, but I did the best I could. I didn’t want to strip him completely. He deserved to maintain at least some of his dignity. 

When Mikey returned, I asked him to find some clean clothes for Gerard to change into. I stepped out of the small bathroom as Mikey changed him into his  _ Star Wars _ pyjama pants and a baggy old sweater. Then, together, Mikey and I helped him into his bed. 

“Do you want to get changed? I left some clean clothes on the chair for you, if you want them,” Mikey offered, “I’m gonna do some laundry then, if you want me to toss your clothes in.”

“Thanks Mikes,” I grabbed the pile from the chair and quickly changed in the bathroom. They were Gerard’s so they were far too big. But they were comforting, soft and warm and they smelled like someone I loved very much.

I brought my clothes and the laundry hamper out with me, and felt guilty for disturbing Mikey who was holding Gerard’s hand tightly and muttering something to his older brother.

“He’s gonna be okay, Mikes,” I promised as I watched him wipe tears from under his glasses.

“He’s getting worse,” He muttered, standing, “I’m just gonna bring this up,” He gestured to the hamper, “And, um, I think I should probably get him some water. Do you want a coffee?”

“Sure,” I forced a smile as I sat down on the bed next to Gerard. I waited until Mikey had left before I spoke again. “Are you trying to send us all to an early grave? You need to fucking realise that if you go down this path, you take us all with you. I don’t fucking plan on letting you destroy yourself.”

He was fast asleep so I knew he didn’t even hear what I was saying but he rolled over and curled against me. I smiled a little, despite myself.

“You’re an asshole,” I muttered, “Do you have any idea how much you’re scaring us all? We all fucking love you. Mikey, Ray, me… I love you more than anything, G. I can’t- Don’t fucking do this to me, okay?”

Mikey returned not too long afterwards and handed me a mug of coffee. He sat on the bottom of the bed then, keeping his eyes on Gerard.

“I’m sorry for dragging you into this,” He mumbled.

I sipped my coffee. Mikeyway always made good coffee. I shook my head, “Don’t you fucking dare apologise. Okay? You can always fucking call me. I want to help. Why- Why did you call me?”

He shrugged, “I see the way you are with him. I knew that you’d be able to help. I didn’t know who else to call.”

“I’m glad you called me,” I looked down at the older Way brother as he stirred a little, shifting closer to me. I ran my fingers through his wet hair, “I hope you know that I’m always going to be here for both of you. You can call me, day or night, okay?”

He smiled a little, “You know, I really fucking love you, man.”

“Don’t be going soft on me now, Mikeyway,” I chuckled.

“No, I’m serious. You’re the best.”

“You’re not too bad yourself,” I glanced down at Gerard, “Do you mind if I stay here tonight? I just don’t want to leave him.”

“I’d like that,” Mikey’s lips curled into that soft smile of his, “Thank you, Frank. Genuinely.”

I rolled my eyes, “Don’t fucking thank me either. That’s dumb. Do you have any smokes? Mine were in my pocket and…”  _ And I climbed into the shower fully clothed. _

He dug into his pocket and tossed me the box. We sat in silence for a while then as we smoked and drank coffee. I could almost pretend things were normal. I could almost forget everything that had gone on.

“What happened?” I asked Mikey after some time. I needed to know.

He shrugged, “He drank too much, took too many pills. I thought he was going to fucking- He’s just fucked up.” 

Gerard stirred slightly and I sighed, “I know that, Mikes, but you know there’s nothing we can do. He’s grieving. I think we just gotta let him ride it out.”

“I’m grieving too, Frank,” He snapped, “She was my grandma too. I’m fucking grieving. But I’m not fucking myself up the way he is. He’s fucking depressed, Frank. Maybe he needs to get some help. I can’t lose my brother.” 

I felt my throat close up, my chest tighten. Losing Gerard was not something I could ever think about. I just couldn’t allow myself to do that. I couldn’t lose him.

“You won’t lose him. He’ll get better, I know it.” I didn’t know it, I couldn’t know it. But I had to hope. Because what would we do without him?

Mikey nodded a little. “And if things get worse?” He sounded bitter, but I knew it was just his fear in disguise.

And I also knew that things were bound to get so much fucking worse. “Then we help him through it in every way we fucking can.”

I stayed that whole night. I slept in the bed with Gerard, curled up next to him with my head on his chest listening to his heart beat, feeling the rise and fall of his chest. I needed to protect him. I needed to know he was alive, that he wasn’t going anywhere.

“Why the fuck are we getting pulled over?” Ray leaned around to try to look out the window.

“You can ask the fucking cop yourself, Toro,” I laughed.

“Stop laughing,” Mikey scolded me as his brother frantically patted his pockets - presumably for drugs.

“Are we seriously getting pulled over again?” Pelissier groaned.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit…” Gerard was muttering. 

I laughed again, earning a smack on the back of my head from Mikeyway.

“I gotta pull over,” Worm sighed, looking quite nervous. 

“I’ll do the talking,” I offered as he pulled in.

Ray scoffed, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“It’ll be fine,” I laughed and threw myself into the front seat.

The cop pulled a face when he walked over to the window. I flashed him my best smile. Worm nodded in greeting. Gerard and Mikey were stressing in the very back and Ray leaned forward trying to look like the Dad he was.

“Is everything okay, sir?” He asked politely and it took everything in me not to giggle. I remembered then that G could very possibly be in possession of some shit he shouldn’t have had, and so I tried to keep a straight face.

“The back of your vehicle says  _ My Chemical Romance _ , are you aware of that?” He scowled at us.

“Is it illegal to have something written on a trailer?” I said sweetly, resisting the urge to roll my eyes.

Ray kicked the back of my seat.

“Do you know what  _ My Chemical Romance  _ is, young man?” The cop glared at me, “It means mobile meth lab.”

And then somehow we were all laughing. Even Mikey and Gerard stopped their quiet freaking out to laugh along with us.

I leaned around Worm to get a better view of the cop, “I don’t know about that.”

“Frank,” Ray hissed then, clearly sensing my tone. 

And yeah, okay, it probably wasn’t a good idea to be a smart ass to a cop but come on… A mobile fucking meth lab? Is this guy for real?

“What was that, young man?”

Mikey spoke up then, in that bored voice of his, “Sir, My Chemical Romance is a band. It’s our band actually. We’re My Chemical Romance. But, um, you’re welcome to check the trailer if you’d like. All your gonna find is our equipment.”

Ray went with him to open the trailer and I cracked up laughing as soon as they walked away.

“Frank, shut the fuck up,” Pelissier grunted as we all craned our necks to try and get a look at the back of the trailer.

“Since when are we a meth lab?” Gerard laughed too, despite his panicking.

“We’d probably be able to afford more than our shitty trailer if we were,” Mikey scoffed.

Brian had yelled at me the first time I had started on Bert McCracken. He had yelled at me and told me to back off as if he wasn’t fucking Gerard up.

And Gerard didn’t fucking speak to me for like two days because of it. 

I didn’t like Bert, and I made no fucking attempt to hide it. He was into drugs and booze, fucking heavily into it, and he was fuelling G’s issues. And I felt like I was the only one who could fucking see it.

“You need to apologise to Gerard,” Ray declared after the second day of him ignoring me.

“Fuck that,” Mikey scoffed, flicking his cigarette to the ground, “Bert’s an asshole.”

Mikeyway pulling through with the solidarity. At least he could see it too.

Ray flicked him, “That doesn’t matter. Gerard’s pissed at Frank for sticking his nose in and he’s a stubborn little shit especially since…” 

Mikey and I glanced at each other, both very much aware of what Ray was avoiding mentioning.  _ Especially since their grandma died. Especially since he started heavily drinking. Especially since he’d become so reliant on drugs. _

Ray went on, “Just please apologise to him, Frank. The two of you fighting is just fucked.”

And so I apologised, because I loved him too much not to. I apologised and then I sat back and tried to ignore Gerard and Bert being all over each other on their path of self destruction.

But then, as Mikey and I had predicted, things got worse.

Gerard wanted to die. It was as simple as that. He was suicidal. And it all just got too much for him. 

He didn’t turn to me, or Mikey, or Ray. He rang Brian. And Brian talked him down. And we all just had to sit around waiting to see what would happen.

I had to get off the bus. I couldn’t stay on any longer, couldn’t listen to Gerard’s strangled sobs as he lived through one of his lowest moments, couldn’t watch the way Ray flinched at every sound or how he was gripping the side of the table so tightly his knuckles had turned white. And I couldn’t look at Mikey’s blank fucking face.

So I left. I got up and fucking left. 

I didn’t make it very far, just to the curb. But it was better than being trapped in there. 

And so I drank in the cool night air and took out a cigarette.

And then I cried.

And after a while Mikey fucking Way followed me. “Hey,” He dropped down next to me, “Hey, Frank, it’s okay. He’s okay, man. He’s passed out, he’ll sleep it off. It will be okay.”

“But it’s not okay,” I sobbed, clinging onto Mikey, “It’s not okay Mikey. He’s gonna… Oh God, what if he… I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to him,” It was all just too much to bear. I couldn’t think of life without Gerard in it. “I love him so fucking much, it’s killing me to see him like this.” It was all just spilling out. I was telling Mikey, finally fucking telling him.

“I know,” He was crying too, “I know, I get it. I’m so fucking scared, Frankie. I get it.”

We were going to lose him. I didn’t know what to do. “I love him. I love him so much. I’ve never loved anyone like I love Gee… I… I’m so fucking in love with him, Mikey, and I just… I can’t live without him. If anything happened to him, I really just don’t know how I could go on. I love him so much.”

Mikey had gasped a little then, as if he was realising for the first time just how deeply I loved his brother.

_ Now do you get it?  _ I wanted to ask.  _ Now do you know why I’ll always be there? _

+++

Frank looked irritatingly smug. So much so that I had to scoff, “Mikey already told me that one.”

“I- He  _ what _ ? But that’s mine.”

I shrugged, “Well, he beat you to it.”

“Dickhead,” He muttered, then grinned, “Okay, I know you won’t have heard this one.”

+++

Mikey Way was a fucking idiot. He had no fucking common sense.

“He did what?” Ray yelped when Gerard told him.

G sighed, “He brought an electric heater into the shower.”

Like I said, a fucking idiot.

Michael James Way decided to bring a fucking electric heater into the shower because, and I quote him here,  _ it was cold _ .

“Is he… Is he okay?” Ray asked with wide eyes. He glanced around the room, obviously noting the absence of Mikeyway. Poor Ray had left the apartment to go get more beers and pizza and he came home to Gerard and I very tipsy and cuddling on the couch, and Mikeyway almost getting electrocuted.

“I’m fine!” The younger Way brother yelled from the other room. 

“He’s just a dumbass,” I scoffed.

Gerard just laughed.

It had been quite the ordeal. The three of us had been drinking and Ray had been working on tracks so he was the only sober one. He offered to go get more beers and pick up some food, and we agreed only if he’d drink with us when he returned.

So off he went.

Mikey stood up, stretching and then grimacing, “I stink.”

Gerard sniffed himself guiltily, “It’s probably just me.”

His younger brother rolled his eyes, “No, I do stink. I mean, so do you but I definitely smell. Man, I need a shower. Do you think I have time before Ray gets back?”

“Sure,” I shrugged, and so off Mikeyway went.

“And then there were two,” Gerard grinned in that coy way of his and scooched closer to me on the couch.

I giggled, like a fucking fool.

“Hey, Frankie, I really love you,” He smiled, pressing his entire body against my side as he shifted as close as possible to me on the sofa and my heart skipped.

Dumb fucking heart.

“I love you too, G. But you’re really fucking drunk.”

He rolled his eyes and dropped his head to my shoulder, “I’m always fucking drunk.”

That was true.

We were in Oakwood Apartments at that time, getting ready to record  _ Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge _ . Gerard was still pretty fucked up.

But things had changed between us.

Things had fucking changed. 

Here he was lying next to me on the couch, his leg draped over mine and his face pressed into the crook of my neck. It was fucking crazy.

I loved it, of course I did, but it was so strange. When we recorded the first album, he’d jump every time I touched him and now… well now he was touching me all the time. I never wanted it to stop.

“We should move to LA,” He whispered against my neck. I could feel his breath on my skin, his lips moving softly against it. My stomach flipped.

“You want to leave Jersey?”

He sat up a little and shrugged, “I like it here. It’s different. But I wouldn’t go without you. I wouldn’t want to do anything without you.”

I smiled, “I’d follow you to the ends of the earth, G. You know that. If you want us to move to LA, then I guess I’d move to LA.”

“You’d do that for me?” He leaned in a little closer.

“I thought you knew by now, I’d do absolutely anything for you.”

He was so close, we were sharing a breath. The tip of his nose bumped against mine and his eyes fluttered closed and-

Mikey screamed. 

And then the fucking lights flickered.

Gerard and I leapt away from each other, looking in the direction of his brother’s scream with alarm. We were both frozen for a moment and then I grabbed his hand.

“Mikey?!” I called, my voice shaky. The lights stopped flickering.

“It’s a ghost,” Gerard said matter of factly and I had to fucking agree. There was no other logical explanation for it. Had a ghost attacked Mikeyway while he was showering? Fuck me.

Gerard leapt up, pulling me with him as he charged into the bathroom.

Mikey was standing a few feet away from the shower with a towel wrapped around his waist and a fucking heater in front of him. He looked strangely naked, and not because he was literally only wearing a towel but because he had no glasses on. At that time, Mikeyway without glasses was such a rare sight.

“You weren’t killed by a ghost!” I cheered.

“Are you okay?” Gerard asked, still holding my hand.

“The fucking- The thing- It- The fucking- That!” He pointed to the heater.

I glanced between him, the heater and the shower and slowly connected the dots. “Did you- Please don’t tell me you tried to bring that into the shower with you. Mikeyway, did you bring that into the shower with you?”

The lights flickered again in response.

“Oh for…” Gerard sighed and ran a hand through his hair, “Why the fuck did you do that?”

“It was cold,” Mikey said in that fucking deadpan way of his and I wanted to smack him for it.

“How are you that… Come on, Mikes, how did you think that would work?” Ray sighed later when we told him over pizza and beers.

Mikey just shrugged, looking bored.

Gerard laughed again.

Ray started talking about the album then, and I gulped down my beer because I knew what was coming next.

“Ooh, Bert said he’d do backing vocals on  _ You Know What They Do to Guys Like Us in Prison _ !” Gerard told us all excited, “He’s gonna come to the studio one of the days and sing his parts. Isn’t that great?”

Mikey shifted uncomfortably and then pretended to be busy picking a slice of pizza. 

I enjoyed the fact that Mikey disliked Bert as much as I did. Solidarity and all that.

“Fan-fucking-tastic,” I grumbled.

Ray shot me a look.  _ Don’t fucking start _ , it seemed to say. Further proof that Ray Toro was the Dad of the group. He smiled then, “That’s great, Gerard. Did he say when?”

I spent the rest of that conversation pulling dumb faces at Mikey when G and Ray weren’t looking, trying to make him laugh. It was fucking great when he finally cracked, not only laughing hysterically but also throwing his pizza crust at me and yelling “Fuck you!” between his giggles. 

+++

“I’d like to put in a little disclaimer that I don’t hate Bert anymore,” Frank pointed out, “I mean, I doubt we’re gonna be best friends or anything, but I don’t have a problem with him anymore. It’s all in the past, you know? Gerard got better, whatever went on between them ceased to exist and everyone got their shit together.”

“And you’re the one he fell in love with, not Bert.” I knew I was pushing my luck a little with that one, but I wasn’t wrong.

He nodded, “Yeah I guess.” We could hear someone moving around upstairs then and Frank flashed me a cheeky grin, “To be continued, I guess.”

“Frank,” My voice was a little shaky, “Thank you.”

He smiled, “For what?”

I laughed, “Letting us stay, agreeing to help with the book, being so kind to me. The list goes on.”

“Bit of a weird list, don’t you think?” He stood and gathered up our empty mugs. “Okay, we need more coffee. Especially since they’re getting up now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, anyone here watch Supernatural? What the hell was that finale?... I used to watch it up until about halfway through season 13, then I just kinda fell out of it. But after the whole Destiel thing, I decided I had to start watching it again. So last week I started to do a rewatch, but that didn't work out because obviously I didn't have enough time to watch it all in like a week. So Monday I started back where I left off, halfway through season 13, and every moment I wasn't in college I was watching it. And I got it all finished in time to watch the finale on Thursday night.  
> And I would just like to say what the fuck? I can't believe I spent six years of my life being obsessed with that show just for it to end like that. What the actual fuck? I cried a lot though, not gonna lie.  
> Anyway, how's everyone been this week? I hope everyone's keeping well.  
> Has anyone been doing the Stay Connected book club with Kristin and Hayley? I ordered Last Night at the Viper Room yesterday and I'm so excited. I know you probably wouldn't think it from this fanfic but I really love Kristin. Like so so much. She's the best. And her entire family are just the sweetest.  
> Also, Pencey Prep being on Spotify has made me so fucking happy.  
> Okay so I think that's all from me for this week. Once again I apologise for being a little late with the update this week.  
> I hope everyone enjoyed the chapter. This is one of my favourites. I really love writing these type of chapters. How does everyone else feel about them? What did everyone think of this? Let me know in the comments!  
> Stay safe and stay spooky! xx


	15. Mikey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This whole fanfic should just be called "How many references can Jadda fit into her story before it becomes unbearably cheesy?" Sorry for that guys. But I just had to do it. There's so many references to songs and stuff in this whole fic but it's particularly bad in this chapter. But it had to be done...  
> Also, happy Thanksgiving to any American readers.  
> Anyway, this chapter is probably one everyone has been waiting for so here goes...  
> It was the Fourth of July....  
> Enjoy :)

It was quite an ordeal trying to figure out what to do for the day. On one hand, I wanted to spend the day inside with Frank and Lois listening to old stories. But I also wanted to enjoy the time I had in New Jersey. There were places I wanted to go, things I wanted to see. 

But this was also probably my only fucking chance to spend time with Frank Iero.

Frank, however, was busy. He was meeting a friend of his for lunch.

“We came here to see you,” Gerard scoffed as he sipped his coffee. He was being pissy, not just because he was tired but because he was annoyed that Frank was spending the day with someone else when we had just arrived.

Frank, who was sitting on the island in the kitchen eating a piece of toast, rolled his eyes, “You arrived on my doorstep. Did you really think that I have no life? I have plans. I didn’t know the three of you were gonna move in with me.”

Mikey sighed, “In me and the kid’s defense, we didn’t realise we were staying with you.”

“Throw me under the bus why don’t you,” Gerard grunted.

I scratched Lois behind the ears, choosing to stay out of the conversation.

Mikey rolled his eyes, “Well it’s true. Why don’t you tell Frank how long we’re staying?”

He shot his younger brother a glare, “Why don’t you wear a proper shirt?”

Mikey glanced down at his tank top then gaped at his older brother.

Frank cackled, “Don’t worry, Mikes, the tank tops are a look. So how long are you staying then?”

Gerard sipped his coffee, not looking at all interested in answering.

I rubbed Lois’s belly, “We don’t currently have a return flight.”

Frank grinned, “So you booked a one way trip to Jersey, huh? Rad. Well, you’re welcome to stay here as long as you want to. Lo and I like the company.”

“Lois likes the kid,” Mikey laughed a little, clearly having moved past G’s remark on his clothes. 

Lois did seem to like me, which was quite possibly the greatest thing ever because I absolutely loved her.

Frank beamed, “That she does. Will you guys be able to entertain yourselves for the afternoon?”

Gerard grunted again.

Mikey rolled his eyes, “We’ll survive. We can take the kid to some old haunts.”

“Do we have old haunts?” Gerard smiled a little, “Or are we just going to take her to the comic book store?”

He smiled fondly, “We’ll figure it out.”

Two coffees, a battle for showers, lots of rolling around on the floor with Lois and lots more bickering later, we finally all trudged out the door.

“Do you have a key?” Frank asked for the third time and I patted my bag yet again. The spare key was tucked securely in the front pouch of my bag. He nodded, “Okay good. I should only be a few hours anyway but just in case you’re back before I am. Where are you guys going again?”

Gerard shrugged, “We haven’t decided yet. Probably gonna find somewhere to eat, then we’ll take the kid on a tour of this shithole.”

Frank flipped him off, “I happen to love this shithole, dickwad.”

Gerard rolled his eyes, “Enjoy your lunch, dumbass.”

Mikey and I shared a look, and I guessed he was thinking the same thing I was.

_ They were such a married couple. _

+++

It was the end of June, maybe the first of July - I can’t really remember - when all the trouble started. Maybe trouble was the wrong word… But it was when the chaos really began.

It was sometime after the fight and before the Fourth of July. The bus had broken down and been fixed and Brian had left us once again.

And that’s when the storm hit.

I was on our bus, laying down tracks with Ray in the back lounge when there was a banging on the door. We ignored it, because fuck that shit. G or Frank could answer. I just hoped they weren’t naked.

“Mikey!” Gerard yelled and I sighed.

“We’re busy!” Ray called back, gesturing for me to continue.

Frank threw the door open a moment later, “Not anymore you’re not. Joe’s here. It’s about Pete.”

_ Fuck _ . “Is Pete okay?” I was on my feet in an instant, leaving my guitar on the couch and rushing past Frank. “Is he okay?” I asked Joe immediately.

He looked flustered and scratched the back of his neck, “I don’t really know, man. I think maybe you should go see him.”

I was out the door before he even finished, barely acknowledging my band mates.

Fall Out Boy’s bus was parked up nearby and I quickly made my way over. Usually I’d knock but I didn’t bother this time. I just walked straight on, glancing around for Pete.

“He’s in the backroom,” Andy told me before I could even ask. I nodded my thanks and made my way to the back.

Patrick scowled as soon as I opened the door but his features softened a little when he saw it was me. 

Pete, however, was sitting next to Patrick on the couch with his head in his hands.

I moved towards him, reaching for him, about to say something. But Patrick was jumping up and stepping in front of me before I could get near Pete. He guided me out the door swiftly, shutting it behind us.

“What the-”

“Just listen,” He sighed, “Look man, the only reason I asked Joe to go get you was because Pete asked for you, otherwise you wouldn’t be here. So don’t just go charging in when you don’t even know what’s happening.” He was being unusually hostile, but I couldn’t really blame him. Pete was his best friend and obviously something was wrong so of course he was worried. 

I nodded, “What’s going on?”

He nodded too, a silent agreement forming, “Pete hasn’t been taking his meds. He hasn’t taken them in a few days, a week, maybe since we’ve been on tour. He gets like this.”

“What meds?” I didn’t even know Pete was on meds. My stomach twisted as I realised that maybe he’d stopped taking his meds because he didn’t want me to know about them.

“Anxiety meds mostly. He’s, uh- I don’t even know if I should be telling you this, but he’s bipolar. They upped his meds because of what happened in February. He’s on some stuff now that he can’t just stop taking, you know? He has to be weaned off of them. He can’t just… stop.”

February. It took me a long moment to realise what he was talking about.

Pete and I had never actually spoken about it. I knew something had happened in February, I knew there had been a suicide attempt but we’d never spoken about it. 

“Is he okay?” My voice was shaky but I wasn’t really sure what to do.

Patrick shrugged, “Withdrawals, I guess. This isn’t the first time it’s- There’s a pattern, okay? He thinks he’s fine, thinks that he’s just a little tired but he’ll get through it. But there’s only so long that he can go without sleep. And when he crashes, it’s always fucking shit. He was, um, he was crying and he asked for you so… I don’t know. You don’t have to deal with this if you don’t want to. No one expects-”

“No, I want to see him,” I managed to keep my voice firm, “What’s he on? Is it just anxiety meds or is there more?” I needed to stay calm and think. I couldn’t panic, not right now.

He looked taken aback, “Oh, um, he’s on some anticonvulsants. They’re, like, uh, mood stabilisers, I guess.”

“Right,” I nodded, “Okay. Um- Okay, yeah. Let me talk to him. I got this.” I wasn’t sure who I was trying to convince… 

But Patrick stepped out of the way and let me pass into the backroom. He didn’t try to follow me.

“Hey Pete,” I whispered as I shut the door.

“Mikeyway?” He glanced up, looking shocked, “What are you doing here? I thought… I thought you and Ray were-”

“That doesn’t matter,” I sat down beside him, “What’s going on, Peterpan?”

“I’m just having a bad day, Mikes.”

I sighed, “You know, I’m only just realising that we don’t fucking talk about real shit. I mean, I think I know you, but I’m realising that maybe I don’t know you as well as I thought I did.”

“You know all the things that matter.”

I reached for his hand, “I know. But I want to know  _ everything _ , the good stuff and the bad. Baby, you can talk to me. You can tell me what’s going on.”

He flopped onto me, curling up on my lap, “I don’t know, Mikes.”

I ran a hand through his hair, “When’s the last time you slept?”

He shrugged lightly.

I sighed again, “Pete, you need to sleep. You need to take your meds.”

He went rigid, “Patrick told you?”

“Yes. At least fucking someone did. Baby, if you won’t take your medication… You aren’t sleeping, you’re not doing well. You can’t just stop.”

“I just didn’t feel like I needed them.”

I played with his hair, “I know, but maybe that’s because they’ve been working. And you’re not feeling good right now, are you?”

He grunted, “I feel like shit. I don’t… I don’t want this, Mikeyway. I don’t know what’s going on inside my own fucking head right now. I feel like- Fuck, dude, I’m gonna have a fucking anxiety attack.” He sat up and pressed his hands against his chest.

“Maybe-”

“Don’t fucking say that’s why I need to take my meds,” He snapped irritably, then immediately looked sheepish, “I’m sorry, I just- I hate taking them. I fucking hate it. I hate Ativan. Every fucking time I take it, I just- I’m right back there.”

“Right back where?” I shifted closer to him and laced my fingers through his yet again.

He squeezed my hand, “Best Buy. The fucking- The parking lot of Best Buy. That’s where- In February, I took a handful of Ativan and…” He trailed off, laughing maniacally, “You know Jeff Buckley’s fucking version of  _ Hallelujah _ ? That fucking song was playing. I was- I was gonna fucking kill myself and fucking  _ Hallelujah _ was playing. And I can’t fucking listen to that song without being back there. I was fucking- I was so out of it, Mikes, and I called my manager, I was saying fucking dumb shit and he knew something was wrong so he called my mom and she found me and took me to hospital. I got my stomach pumped and I had to stay in hospital for a while and they put me on meds. I’m still on Ativan for my anxiety but I just fucking hate it. I take them and I just fucking think of that night. And I hear that song and- I heard that song today, it was on the radio. Trick couldn’t turn it off on time. I guess that’s what set me off…” He sighed, running a hand through his hair causing it to stick up all over the place. He went on, “You know, I thought I was doing pretty good. Yeah, I haven’t been sleeping properly but… it’s been okay. I haven’t been feeling overly anxious or anything. They always tell you that if you just stop taking- There’s meant to be withdrawals and shit but I haven’t- I haven’t had any, I don’t think. And then it all just- I think I’m feeling it today, Mikes.”

There were tears in my eyes from hearing about what had happened in Best Buy. It was fucking terrifying to think about. He could have fucking… I would have never even known him if- I couldn’t even think about what would have happened if he hadn’t made that phone call.

“Pete,” I moved closer to him, trying to ignore how my voice cracked as I cupped his cheeks, “Baby, I really need you to take your meds. Trick said you get like this, he said you’ve done this before and there’s a pattern.”

He started to shake his head, started to argue but I didn’t let him.

I continued, “Baby if you don’t take your meds, you won’t sleep for days. Trick said- And no, fuck that! I don’t need him to tell me, I know you, Pete. I know you haven’t been sleeping, I know you’re crashing right now and-”

He cut me off with a loud sob. It was violent as it wracked through his body. It fucking startled me. I didn’t really know what to do for a long fucking moment, except to pull him close and hug him tight. 

“It’s okay, baby, it’s okay,” I whispered as he cried, “Pete, it’s gonna be okay.”

He cried and cried and fucking cried. And I cried too, as much as I tried not to I still fucking cried.

“Okay,” He mumbled eventually, his fingers curled into the hair at the nape of my neck. He had pulled his legs onto my lap and I was practically cradling him.

“Hmm?” I didn’t quite trust my voice.

He pulled away a little to look at me, “I’ll take them. I need to sleep, Mikes.”

I allowed myself a sigh of relief, “Okay. Okay. I’ll get them. Where-”

“Trick has them… I think.”

“Okay,” I nodded and smiled a little, “Why don’t you get into bed and I’ll go get your meds and some water?”

“Will you stay?” He gripped my hand tightly, “Please, baby, I-”

“Of course,” I offered him another smile, “Of course. I’m not gonna leave you.”

He nodded too and we left the backroom, hand-in-hand. I squeezed his hand one last time as he stopped at his bunk and crawled in.

Patrick was sitting at the table when I made my way to the front of the bus. Andy sat across from him, peeling an orange. Joe was lounging on the sofa watching TV. I got the feeling they were used to this. They were used to Pete being like this, the only difference was that it was usually Patrick talking him down. They didn’t seem as nervous as I would have expected them to be.

“How is he?” Patrick glanced up.

I shrugged, “As okay as he can be, given the circumstances. Where are the, uh- He’s gonna take his meds. He said you’d know where they were.”

He nodded, jumping up and pulling open one of the overhead cabinets. He grabbed a couple of pill bottles as I went to the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of water. 

“Here,” Patrick handed me two pills and tucked the bottles away once again.

A precaution, I guessed. I didn’t want to dwell on it.

And I didn’t hang around to ask, instead I just made my way back to Pete. He silently took the pills, washing them down with the water I handed him. He pulled me into the bunk with him then, and I drew the curtain shut.

“Hold me tight, Mikeyway,” He muttered as he curled against me.

_ How could I ever leave him? _

+++

Finding a place for lunch was proving to be more difficult than we thought.

Mikey frowned, “This definitely used to be a diner.”

I peered out the window at the gynecologist's office, “Are you sure?”

Gerard cackled, “Yeah, I don’t think we can get lunch here.”

“It doesn’t look like a diner,” I pointed out.

“Well no fucking shit,” He scoffed, “Fuck.”

“I can’t believe you made us drive for almost an hour to look at a gynecologist office,” I grunted.

“I vote we don’t let him pick where we eat ever again,” Gerard sighed as we pulled away, “Come on, Mikeyway, we’re hungry.”

My stomach grumbled then as if in agreement. 

+++

“What the fuck is this?” Pete pulled a face as he read the list.

I rolled my eyes, “These are our tasks.”

“So Bob gets to do the fireworks and we get stuck with going grocery shopping? These are chores, Mikeyway!” He huffed.

Both our bands were celebrating Fourth of July together, it was going to be a private party of sorts. Everyone was given a different task, such as grocery shopping or cooking or setting up the fireworks. Pete and I got grocery shopping, and we’d all pooled our money together to fund it. I had it all tucked safely into my wallet.

I plucked the list from between his fingers, “It could be fun. We’re going after we finish playing, okay?”

He smiled, “Wow, Mikes, look at us being all domestic and going grocery shopping.” He took the marker that was sticking out of my pocket, rolling it between his fingers, the smallest of grins playing on his lips. Up to no good, as fucking per.

“Oh hush,” I rolled my eyes and pushed him away, “You need to fuck off now and let me go to my signing.” 

He caught my hand, “Give me a minute…”

“Pete,” I sighed as he uncapped the marker. I didn’t even try to protest as he lifted my arm and pressed the tip of the marker against my skin. I grunted, “Pete, what are you doing?”

He traced it across my arm and muttered, “Just hang on.”

I decided not to question him then.

After a moment, he let my arm go and looked up at me with a grin.

I glanced at my arm.  _ FUCKED  _ was written across it in black marker. 

I was fucked. Completely fucking fucked. 

He didn’t try to explain the logic behind it and I decided not to press it yet. He simply bounced up and kissed me, “Come to the Clandestine tent afterwards, yeah?”

I rolled my eyes again but agreed.

Pete in Walmart was far more amusing than I had expected it to be.

We had gotten off stage at around two that afternoon, and Fall Out Boy weren’t on until the last slot at six thirty. So Pete and I had borrowed a car and went to a Walmart not far from the venue. And Pete was in his fucking element.

And by that I mean he was laughing maniacally and snapping pictures on his cell phone as I pushed him around in the shopping cart.

“You know, the cart is for the food,” I scoffed as he held up his phone yet again, trying to take a picture of the two of us.

“Hey, I got it!” He grinned triumphantly, “Now, onwards, Mikeyway! We’ve got to get-” He glanced at the list, “We need to get meat. What the fuck does that mean?”

I shrugged, pushing the cart in the direction of the meat aisle, “You think I fucking know? I think Trick was saying something about a barbecue but-”

“Did you just call him Trick?”

I laughed, “Yeah I guess I did.”

“I’m rubbing off on you, huh?” He smirked.

I swatted the back of his head, “Hush, you.”

We stacked the cart with steaks, burgers, sausages and chicken. 

“We can make chicken kebabs!” He exclaimed in complete delight. 

I couldn’t help but smile. He was fucking adorable. 

“We need vegetables,” He declared, “And those little pre-made salad pots. I don’t think anyone will have the energy to make salads.”

After we stacked in a bunch of vegetables and  _ those little pre-made salad pots _ , Pete decided he should get out of the cart. And he walked along then with his hand in my back pocket for quite some time. I didn’t have the heart to tell him not to, and at least he had the common sense not to do it when people were around. 

It did feel incredibly domestic. I loved every minute of it.

I saw our future once again. I saw us wandering around a grocery store with a shopping cart, much like we were doing then, except it wouldn’t just be a one off. This time, in my little vision, I saw us picking up groceries for our home. I saw us arguing playfully over what we’d have for dinner, over which coffee we’d buy, over what type of fucking peas we’d buy. We’d laugh and joke and tease each other. I’d slip things into the cart that I knew he loved, he’d do the same for me. We’d load the car together, probably stop off somewhere to grab coffees on our way home. We’d bring our groceries home to our house, whether that would be in New Jersey or Chicago or somewhere entirely different like LA or something. It would be our home. And one of us - probably him - would definitely make dumb jokes as the other bent over to unpack the groceries. Although, honestly I wouldn’t complain about a view like that either. I saw us cooking together in our own fucking kitchen. We’d eat together every night, no matter what. The only time we wouldn’t would be if we were on other sides of the fucking country on tours. And we’d hate every moment apart. I saw us curled up next to each other on our couch, watching TV together every night. We’d pull an old blanket over us and press close together underneath. And-

“Where are you gone, Mikeyway?” Pete bumped his shoulder against mine and loosely grasped my hand.

I hummed and raised an eyebrow, glancing down at my arm once again.

I was truly fucked.

“You’re off in your own world, huh?” He smiled and squeezed my hand.

“Yeah, I guess I was,” I felt my cheeks turn red.

His smile softened, “Was it a nice one?”

I smiled too, “Yeah, I guess it was. What’s next on the list?”

“Marshmallows! Ooh, let’s get some snacks too, Mikeyway!”

“Anything you want,” I nodded. And I fucking meant it. Back then, when it was just us in a grocery store somewhere in California and everything was ahead of us, when there were so many fucking possibilities for our future, I’d give him anything he fucking wanted.

It only got better. There was  _ Starbucks _ .

“I’m confused,” Pete said for about the third time as we walked over.

I sighed, “We’re gonna get free coffee.”

“But why?” 

“Because we can.”

“That’s obnoxious,” He laughed.

I rolled my eyes, “It’s a thing G and I do, okay? We want them to recognise us, it’s the one place we do shit like this. We should probably get one for G too though. He’ll be mad if we don’t get him a coffee too.”

+++

We went to a cute little diner for lunch and I ate so much I thought my stomach would literally explode. But it had been a really fucking good sandwich so it was worth it.

And then they took me on a tour, which started with the Belleville sign.

“Why are we getting out of the car?” Gerard sighed as Mikey killed the engine.

“Because we’re getting some pictures of the kid in front of the sign,” Mikey hopped out and I followed after him.

“It’s Belleville, not Hollywood,” Gerard scoffed but followed along behind us.

Mikey took some pictures of me in front of the sign, which I felt kind of dumb about but he seemed happy so I just went with. I felt pretty gross about getting pictures taken because I wasn’t exactly dressed for a photoshoot - I was wearing a dress and boots with a baggy hoodie over it that Frank had handed me as I walked out the door complaining about being cold and I had barely any makeup on - but I couldn’t help but smile as Mikey snapped pictures. I wasn’t going to say no to him. 

And even Gerard agreed, the three of us squeezing close together as Mikey raised his arm to capture a picture. 

Then Gerard sighed, “Are you fucking happy now? Can we get back in the car?”

+++

Pete was grinning his big, stupid, shit-eating,  _ I’m-up-to-no-good _ grin as he bounded over to me. He was still sweaty and full of adrenaline from coming off stage. I loved him when he was like that. Even when he was full of trouble.

That was the second time in less than thirty minutes that he had come running over to me like that. The first had been when he’d ran off stage to grab my arm and pull me on with him. He had flung a guitar into my arms and then sat behind me as I played  _ I Slept with Someone in Fall Out Boy and All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me _ . He loved to make me play that one, and when he didn’t he’d shoot me that grin of his and wink while he played it.

He was such an asshole.

Having  _ FUCKED  _ written across my arm suddenly felt a lot more significant… 

Fuck.

He walked me off stage then, stealing a kiss.

“You better write me a song for that,” I scoffed. It was a phrase I’d uttered a few times in the weeks I’d known Pete - as a joke, of course, because I didn’t know then just how many songs he’d write… 

“Mikeyway, I’ll write you a thousand songs,” He promised before running back on stage to play  _ Grand Theft Autumn/Where Is Your Boy _ , which was one of my favourites. 

“What did you do?” I caught him as he jumped into my arms.

He planted a kiss onto my lips, “What makes you think I did something?”

“I know you, Pete Wentz,” I pursed my lips, “I know that fucking face. What are you up to?”

“You know me too well, Mikeyway,” He laughed, “Okay so I might have pulled a few strings and asked very nicely if we could borrow that car until tomorrow morning.”

I tried not to smile, “And why did you do that?” 

“Because you and I are going to go on an adventure, Mikeyway,” He grinned, “Just the two of us. So go grab your shit and meet me in fifteen minutes.”

“Where are we going?” 

“Anywhere you want.”

We went our separate ways then, both going to our respective buses. When I got onto ours, Frank was napping on the couch. I rolled my eyes but tried to make my way through to the bunks as quietly as possible. I could hear Gerard and Ray in the back lounge so I slipped in there. They both glared at me for disturbing their work. Then Gerard hummed a tune to me and tried to get me to explain it to Ray.

“You get it, right Mikey?” He sounded a little desperate, “It goes  _ dun duh duh duh dun d-dun dun _ and then  _ ba-da-dah dah duh duh _ .” 

I glanced between him and Ray, casting the guitar player an apologetic smile, “How do you get anything done with him?”

Ray, however, played what Gerard asked of him somehow and my brother smiled gleefully.

I sighed, “I’m going for the night. Pete and I are going on an adventure so you don’t need to wait around for me.”

“Oh okay cool,” My brother nodded.

“Have fun,” Ray smiled.

“Be safe,” Gerard called after me and I flipped him off before shutting the door to the back lounge.

I didn’t really need to grab much stuff, so less than five minutes later I was passing Frank again - and resisting the urge to draw on his face - and pulling open the door just as Pete was about to knock.

“Perfect timing,” He grinned.

I shook my head, “What have I said about knocking? It’s too formal, just walk in, dude.”

“No, I feel like I’m intruding,” He took my hand as we walked.

I moved on, “So where are we going? And please don’t try to make me decide.”

He chuckled, “I guessed you wouldn’t want to. I was thinking that we could go into LA. It’s pretty early still. We could spend the night in LA and I’ll have us in Fresno with plenty of time to spare.”

I laughed, “What are we gonna do in LA?” It wasn’t a bad plan. It could actually be quite fun. It wasn’t even eight PM yet, and we didn’t really have to be in Fresno until like two PM the next day. We had plenty of time for an adventure.

“We’ll figure that out,” He shrugged, “I’m sure it’ll include a lot of coffee though. It always does with you,” He teased.

“Fuck you.”

“We can do that too.”

I really tried not to laugh at that one, but I found myself doubled over.

Pete drove. It wasn’t a long drive, only about an hour from where we were in Ventura into Los Angeles. But I loved every moment of it.

Pete driving was another thing to put on the list on things I hadn’t realised would be so attractive.

Maybe I was just weird.

Or maybe he was just really fucking attractive.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” He glanced at me from the corner of his eye.

I smiled, “You want the truth?” 

“Always.”

“You look good,” I told him honestly, “I’m just appreciating how hot you look right now. Like, sometimes I just look at you and- Well actually most of the time… I just- You’re so fucking gorgeous, you know that?”

His face split into a grin, “Mikeyway, you’re such a sweet little dude.”

“Well you’re the sweetest little dude,” I retorted, “And the cutest one too.”

He scoffed, “No. No fucking way, Mikey fucking Way. You’re the cutest. You’re the… You’re the Duke of Handsomeness.”

I rolled my eyes, leaning forward to mess with the radio, “I don’t even have a response to that. You’re such a nerd.”

“I’m not the one wearing a nerdy t-shirt,” He teased.

I offered him another eye roll, “It’s  _ Jaws _ , how is that nerdy? Everyone loves  _ Jaws _ .”

“That’s very true,” He nodded, swatting my hand away from the radio, “Let’s go to the beach.”

“ _ Jaws  _ is really making you want to go to the beach?” I raised an eyebrow, “Even by your standards, that’s weird.”

“Okay that was rude,” He gaped, “I just thought we could go to Santa Monica. We could go to the pier and maybe have a romantic picnic on the beach.” He smirked a little.

I guessed where that was going. “We’re not having sex on a beach, Pete,” I scoffed.

“I brought a blanket!”

“ _ Pete _ !”

We did go to Santa Monica, just didn’t get up to the activities Pete had hoped. But it was a public area. He was dumb and reckless, and while I loved that about him, I didn’t want to get arrested for indecent exposure or some shit like that.

Fuck, Gerard would never let me live that down.

And that’s not even beginning to get into what Ray and Frank would say.

Yeah, it just wasn’t a good idea…

So instead we went to the pier and Pacific Park. It was fucking great.

And making out on the Pacific Wheel was a definite bonus.

And while we didn’t do what Pete had planned, we did have a picnic of sorts on the beach. 

It was absolutely perfect, sitting next to him on the sand in the fading light and listening to the world go by. I would have bottled that moment if I could. 

Looking back, there were a lot of moments with Pete that I wish I could have bottled.

That night is definitely one of them. In a way, I think that was the beginning of the end for us. That was the night I realised just how deeply I cared about him. That was when I realised that there was no walking away. When we did eventually have to, I realised, it was going to hurt like hell for both of us.

And so I sat on the beach trying not to panic.

What would our future hold? I wanted our life together. I wanted everything with him. I’d never really thought much about marriage or kids or settling down, but I guess I wanted all of that with him. Eventually. Maybe. I don’t fucking know… 

If we made a go of it, if we told people we were together and fucking  _ came out _ then that would be it. I’d always just be known as that gay guy in the emo band who was with that other gay guy in the other emo band.

And was I even gay? I mean, girls were hot too. Not as hot as Pete though. Pete was… Well he was just beautiful. He was unlike anything, anyone else. I’d never met anyone like him. I’d never experienced a connection like ours with anyone else. 

And what would happen to our bands? Would we end up blacklisted? Would we ever go further, ever make it big? What would happen? Would we always just be known as those bands with the gay guys?

But what if we didn’t tell people? Then we’d never be able to be together, not really. It would be too hard to try to hide it and I know Pete would hate it if we did. He couldn’t do that. I couldn’t ask that of him.

It was that night, when Pete and I lay side by side in the sand after the excitement of Pacific Park, that I first saw the vision crumble.

I was no longer in a house that Pete and I shared, a house that was our home. Our home which was full of love and happiness. I was no longer in our home, no longer sharing a bed with Pete, no longer cooking with him in the kitchen, no longer cuddling together on the couch. Instead I was alone. I was in an empty house. The house wasn’t full of Pete’s laughter. Instead it was quiet and lonely.

There was no housewarming party, no Patrick and Joe and Andy. We didn’t all celebrate holidays together, two bands becoming two blended families. There were no Christmas or Thanksgiving dinners together, no Halloween parties to celebrate Frank’s birthday. 

Instead it was just loneliness. It was the knowledge that there was no happy ending for us.

“Mikeyway,” Pete traced his fingers across my jaw and I opened my eyes. He was leaning over me, propped up on his elbow, “You went away again.  _ But where do you go to, my lovely _ ?” He sang and I rolled my eyes. But he just went on, “ _ Tell me the thoughts that surround you _ -”

“Dude stop,” I laughed.

“ _ I want to look inside your head, yes I do _ ,” He grinned, dragging out the last note.

I sighed, “Are you done now?”

“You’re particularly spacey today, Mikeyway,” He flopped onto my chest, cuddling close.

I wrapped my arms around him, “It’s just one of those days.”

“Are you okay, baby? If there’s something going on, you know I’ll help in any way I can. I’m here for you, okay? If there’s a problem, we can get through it.”

“Everything’s okay, Peterpan,” I squeezed my eyes shut and held him closer. If only he knew that this was the problem… 

I took a gulp of coffee and glared at Pete, “I’m genuinely not surprised that you're one of those fuckers who can’t ride shotgun without putting their feet on the dash.” It was my turn to drive.

The windows were down and there was music drifting through the car.

The sun was rising, we’d been driving through the night. Pete was happy. Life was fucking good. 

He flashed me his grin, “You know it, baby.” He took a bite from his donut then before continuing, “Mikeyway, this has been perfect.”

I couldn’t deny that. It was an incredible night. We’d went to the Griffith Observatory after the beach, for some fucking reason. We didn’t even get out of the car for quite some time. We simply parked up, made out and got each other off. It made me feel like a teenager in a dumb movie, but it left Pete with the happiest fucking smile on his face. So I absolutely fucking loved it.

And, hey, I was never gonna say no to a crappy hand job from Pete. 

“Mikeyway, I-” Pete had started but cut himself off when the song changed on the radio, “I fucking love this! Come on, Mikes!” He twisted the sound up as high as he could and jumped out of the car.

And of course I followed him.

We had looked through the selection of CDs in the car and found a few good ones that we both agreed on. One of which was playing as he danced around the car.

“What are you doing?” I laughed. I couldn’t help but wonder how this had happened, how had I fallen so hard for such an idiot?

He was a beautiful idiot. And a kind idiot. And one that made me laugh like crazy. He wasn’t even an idiot, he just acted like one. Sometimes it surprised me how smart, how eloquent he really was. 

He was sort of a genius when it came to words and music.

“ _ Two lovers in the bedroom and the other starts to shout, All I got is this blank stare and that don't carry no clout at all _ ,” He sang, “ _ Destination unknown, Ruby Ruby Ruby Soho _ !” He grabbed my hands and pulled me against him.

So I danced with him, because what else was there to do?

So we danced. We danced and I pulled him as close as possible and kissed him. 

_ I love you I love you I love you I love you. _

And then we danced some more.

I opted to drive then when we got back in the car. It meant that Pete could focus solely on picking out CDs and singing along, and even though I pretended to complain about it, I absolutely loved it.

We drove through the night. The air conditioning didn’t work in the old car so we kept all the windows down and blasted the radio. 

And then we went and got coffee and donuts, somehow making the night even better. We stopped off just before we got to Bakersfield, about halfway to Fresno. Pete ran into the little 24 hour place and rushed back out just a few minutes later with two coffees and a box of donuts.

I realised then that we might have been made for each other.

With coffees and donuts and music once again blasting, I headed off once more.

I popped my coffee back into the cupholder and reached across the centre console to take his hand. “Everything with you is perfect, baby.”

He chuckled, “I thought I was the cheesy one, Mikes.”

That was true. But that’s just because he had a way with words. I got through about two sentences before I started stumbling over my words.

I shrugged, “I can be cheesy sometimes too. Seriously though, these past two weeks have been perfect. This summer is going to be perfect, it already is. I really fucking like you, Pete.”

He hummed in agreement, “It doesn’t feel like it’s only been two weeks. It’s… the eternal summer. We’re immortals here in our eternal summer of  _ like _ .” He emphasized the word  _ like _ , as if he knew that what I felt for him was a lot more than simply  _ like _ . 

I just smiled and sang along to the music. We’d moved on to Danzig and honestly I was vibing.

Pete was gazing out the open window, smiling in content as he watched the stars, “Life seems pretty enchanted right now…” He muttered.

“What?” I laughed a little, but I knew I wouldn’t get an answer. Sometimes he just came out with weird shit.

“Mikes?” His voice was gentle, “You know, I’d do this forever if I could. I’d like to spend a lifetime with you,” He confessed.

I gasped.  _ Shit shit shit shit shit _ . All of the things I’d dreamt of, the life I hoped we’d have, it all flashed in front of me then. But I couldn’t tell him any of that. Instead, I just choked, “Pete, I-”

He turned up the dial on the radio, “Hey, I love this song!” He smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. 

+++

I stared up at the store, “Okay so either we’re going bookshopping - which, you know, fuck yeah - or you’re after taking me to the Barnes & Noble you used to work in?”

“Why am I not surprised you knew that,” Gerard scoffed.

Mikey rolled his eyes, “I just thought you’d like to see where I first came up with the band name.”

“Oh yeah, I definitely do. Fucking obviously,” I grinned, “Let's go in.”

+++

Pete was unusually quiet in the car. He was mad at me. I could fucking tell. He was mad because I panicked, but what else was I meant to do? 

It was too soon to be planning a life together. It was bad enough that I was doing it, that I was deluding myself with that fantasy, I didn’t need him doing it too.

But that didn’t stop me from feeling like a dickhead.

And so I found myself pulling in near Kingsburg, when we were only about thirty minutes away from the venue. 

Pete frowned, lifting his feet off the dash and looking around. His face fell, “Please don’t tell me the car broke down.”

I scoffed, “I’m not that disastrous.”

The hint of a smile toyed at his lips, “Well, I don’t know about that.”

“I guess I am,” I shrugged, “I never seem to say the right thing, huh?”

“Mikes,” He started, reaching for my hand.

I shook my head, “No, baby, just hang on, okay? I’m sorry,” I twisted my fingers through his, lifting his hand and pressing my lips against it, “I want that too, okay? I’m not saying I don’t. I just- I can’t. It’s too soon and I don’t even know- I do know, but I don’t  _ know _ , you know? And- shut up I’m not finished.”

He smiled. It was his Mikeyway smile. The one that was just for me, the one I loved the most. The one that was so full of love, my heart felt as though it would combust.

I went on, “I just don’t think it’s a good idea to think too far past this summer. Maybe you’re right, maybe we could be immortal. But I can’t think past this summer.”

The smile faded. “We could be immortal, just not for long,” He sighed, “Is it such a bad thing to want a future with you? To want to be more than just a tour fling?”

I flinched. Physically fucking flinched. “Pete, please don’t fucking say that. That- We can’t just be a fucking fling.”

“I don’t want that,” He sighed, “Okay? Mikeyway, I- I want so much more than that. I’ve never fucking felt like this before and I- Could it last? Why do I have a feeling you’re gonna break my heart?”

I gulped, “I don’t plan on it. But doesn’t it feel like this is going to end in flames?”

His face was blank for a long moment then he slowly began to smile, “Well then let’s make sure it doesn’t end.” He leaned across the centre console, tucked his hand under my jaw and pressed his lips against mine. He pulled away with a grin, “Happy Fourth of July, baby.”

I rolled my eyes and pulled him in for another kiss.

And as he crawled across the center console to deepen the kiss, I felt the strangest feeling in the pit of my stomach. 

We were over before we even truly started… 

+++

Gerard laughed, “You look far too impressed.”

“Of course I’m impressed!” I exclaimed, “This is where you grew up, it’s where you lived, it’s where My Chemical Romance originated.”

We’d spent the day driving around Belleville, stopping off at various places that the Ways used to hang out in. It wasn’t the most exciting, I guess. But for me it was thrilling. I loved every moment of it. Listening to their stories and hearing how nostalgic it made them both feel was just beyond words.

And then we pulled up in front of the house they grew up in.

I was obviously delighted.

Of course, we didn’t go in. But sitting in the car outside was cool too.

“Do you know who lives there now?” Gerard asked his younger brother. 

Mikey scoffed, “Yeah, as if Mom told me. Did she tell you?”

Gerard mimicked his brother’s disgusted scoff, “What do you think?”

I didn’t quite understand their relationship with their mother, but I knew it wasn’t my place to pry. If they wanted me to know about her, they’d tell me.

“Do you think they’d let us have a look around?” Mikey gazed over at the house once again.

Gerard glanced between me and his brother, “Oh yeah definitely,” His voice was dripping with sarcasm, “Because who doesn’t want to let some hobo, an LA asshole and kid that looks like her picture should be on a milk carton into their home?”

“Hey!” I gasped, “I’m not a kid!” 

Mikey was beyond distraught, beyond disgusted. “I’m not an LA asshole! I’m from Jersey! You can fucking tell I’m from Jersey.”

Gerard rolled his eyes, “You’re literally wearing a Dodgers cap.”

Mikey gaped, “And?”

“Well the shorts and tank top don’t help your case much either,” He shrugged, “I mean, you may as well wear no shirt at all, man. The low cut and lack of sleeves-”

“Why are you dissing my clothes today, man?” He acted offended, “You need a haircut. Then maybe I’ll consider style advice.”

“Hey, leave my hair out of this!” G ran a hand through his long hair.

“You started on my clothes!”

Gerard laughed, “It’s that fucking shirt, Mikes.”

“He pulls it off well though,” I put in. It was true, somehow Mikeyway was able to pull off wearing those muscle tank tops and snapbacks. Good for him.

“Ha!” He grinned triumphantly, “The kid agrees with me.”

“And I like your hair too, G,” I tried to play the middle ground, “But I also would not let the three of us into my house.”

Mikey sighed, “Fine. Where to next then?”

+++

“Is it too soon to tell you I love you?” Pete whispered against my neck.

My heart sank.

It completely knocked me and I just froze. I just fucking froze.

Of course it was too soon, it was way too fucking soon. We shouldn’t have loved each other already, and yet… 

We were in Fresno in California, in the middle of a clearing watching Bob and Worm struggle with the fireworks. Ray had found a portable barbeque from fuck knows where and was arguing with Frank about food. Patrick was helping Ray cook, but opted to stay out of the argument with Frank - who had set up the little area we were all gathered in. Gerard was nowhere to be seen - he’d retreated to the bus to make coffee. Andy - who agreed with Frank on whatever he was complaining about - had a pile of blankets that he was passing around. Joe was still setting up his little table of snacks and drinks. Gerard had been put in charge of music, and so Bowie was drifting through the air. Not at all patriotic.

It was kind of perfect.

Scratch that, it was perfect.

And the night before had been perfect too. Coffee and donuts and Pacific Park and kisses on the beach and driving together listening to loud music. 

There were other people around too, people who I didn’t really know but they didn’t matter to me. I was in my own little bubble and I couldn’t have been happier.

Pete and I were cuddled together under one of the blankets from Andy, watching the madness ensue. We had been given the task of going shopping for the food and drinks and snacks. I thought we did a decent enough job. We mostly stuck to the list and even remembered to get vegetarian options. 

We had helped everyone as much as we could and then decided to plant ourselves on one of the picnic benches, where we sat looking at everything that was happening. Pete had his legs draped over mine, his arms around my waist and his face tucked into the crook of my neck.

And he was telling me he loved me. Sort of.

“Pete,” I shifted a little, trying to look at him.

“Mikey!” Gerard yelled from the bus, “Mikey! Come help me with the coffee!”

“Go on,” Pete untangled himself from me and pulled the blanket away with him. “I’m gonna see if Trick needs me to do anything.” He headed off towards the barbeque then, the blanket draped over his shoulders like a cape. 

I sighed and made my way onto the bus. “What do you want?”

“Damn Mikey, where’s your holiday spirit?” My brother tutted. He gestured to the cabinet, “Will you get me some cups please?”

“Holiday spirit,” I scoffed, “It’s the Fourth of July, not Christmas.”

Gerard rolled his eyes as I handed him the stack of Styrofoam cups. “Do we have a tray or something?”

“Why the fuck would we have a tray?” I started looking for one, but only found a couple of big plates. I showed them to G.

He shrugged, “I guess that works. Did you and Pete get marshmallows? Frankie wants to make hot chocolate later.”

“Were they on the list?”

He pulled a face, as if that was the dumbest fucking question. “Possibly.”

I rolled my eyes, “If they’re on the list, we got them.”

“That’s so helpful,” He sighed, “What’s wrong, Mikes?”

“Nothing.”

“Don’t lie to me. What’s up?” He pressed.

“I just- Pete was in the middle of saying something kind of important.”

“Oh fuck,” His eyes widened, “You should have said. Sorry, man. Come on, let’s get you back out there. I didn’t mean to interrupt, um, whatever was going on. Are you okay?” He knew. I could just fucking tell. Had Pete said it to him? Or maybe he’d mentioned it to Frank and it had found its way to my brother.

“Yeah,” I smiled a little, “It wasn’t anything bad, I just didn’t want to leave.”

We stacked the cups onto a plate each and very carefully carried them out and passed them to everyone. Frank and Pete had disappeared.

“They’re gone to get guitars,” Patrick told us when he noticed our bewilderment, “Pete wants us all to  _ jam  _ together.”

I rolled my eyes and took my seat at the picnic bench yet again. “How’s the barbeque going?”

“Better now that Frank has stopped complaining,” Ray laughed. 

“Shouldn’t be much longer until it’s all ready,” Patrick informed us. He had a chef’s apron on, I had no idea where he’d found it but it really pulled the whole look together.

Joe handed out plates and we all started stacking food onto them when Pete and Frank reappeared, weighed down with gear.

“Peter Wentz, you better not drop my fucking guitar!” Joe yelled over to him.

The two bounded over and left the instruments by the picnic table as they ran to grab some food. 

Pete returned to my side and we watched as Bob shouted at Frank for bouncing around next to the fireworks.

I looked at Pete, who was eating a hot dog with a big dopey grin as he watched our bands interacting. I realised that I wanted that forever. I wanted an eternity of Fourth of July with him, with our little tour family. I could picture it so fucking clearly. All of us, years from now when some of us would be married, some of us with kids, some of us with dogs, some new faces, we’d still be doing this. It was that familiar little flash of my life with Pete, except this was somehow more solid. I could see it so clearly. I could picture all of us a little older, but still together. Probably doing this in someone’s backyard as opposed to a random clearing. 

It seemed so perfect.

I wanted that life.

“It’s not too soon,” I whispered to Pete. “It’s not too soon because… because I love you.”

He froze for a moment, then dropped the hot dog back onto his plate, twisting his body around so he could look at me, with his wide eyes and toothy grin. “You do?”

I nodded, “I love you, Pete.”

His eyes lit up, “I love you, Mikeyway.” And then he closed the short distance between us and his hot mouth closed on mine. My eyes fluttered shut and I tilted my head, my nose bumping against his briefly. My hand fell to his hip and I drew him closer to me. I wrapped my arms around him as his hand moved to my cheek, brushing the hair off my cheek and then moving to cup the back of my neck, his thumb tracing patterns on my jaw.

My lips parted and his tongue slipped into my mouth, gentle yet demanding. His lips were soft and I could feel the shadow of stubble on his upper lip. My entire body melted against his and my heart was beating so fucking fast I felt like it was gonna pound right out of my chest. His breath was heavy and I was overly aware of his hands on me, of how it felt like there were fireworks beneath my skin everywhere he touched. The back of my neck - where he held to keep me close- and the small of my back - where his hands had slipped under my t-shirt. Pure fucking fireworks. 

It was always like that with Pete. So intense, so full of sensations and feelings that I had never even known existed.

I loved him with every part of me. 

And yet somehow, even in this moment of pure bliss, something in the back of my mind reminded me of a very simple fact;

_ Love can’t save you _ .

“Stop making out!” Frank called with a giggle. “You’ll miss the fireworks!”

Pete and I reluctantly pulled away from each other.

He smiled, “I love you, Mikeyway,” He said again.

“I love you too, Peterpan,” I grinned. I couldn’t fucking help it. 

He looked so happy in that moment. He was almost glowing with it. It felt as if everything was exactly how it should be. He seemed to be overflowing with happiness and joy. 

It was pure bliss. 

I felt so loved. He was looking at me with such adoration that I felt as if I was inebriated from his love. His dark eyes were full of light, his smile was wider than I had ever seen it. He was more beautiful than ever.

I knew in that moment that it was an image that would stay ingrained in my brain for the rest of time. Pete pressed against me on the picnic bench, the blanket tucked around him like a cape, his cheeks flushed, his lips swollen, his eyes bright and full of love. At that moment, I loved him more than anything in the world. I would have done anything for him. Our love felt so powerful then that it felt as if the entire universe was holding its breath in anticipation of what would happen next between us.

“I’m so fucking in love with you.” The words fell from my lips before I could even process it. It was true. I was so in love with him. I had never felt like that towards anyone, and yet I was completely, undeniably, crazy in love with him.

The world seemed to blossom around us at my words. The sky lit up. Beautiful, dazzling colours dancing between the stars.

And Pete was in my arms.

“I love you, I love you, I love you…” He told me between kisses.

The fireworks went off around us.

“So does anyone know any patriotic songs?” Pete asked, grinning, “What’s on the  _ Independence Day  _ soundtrack? I keep thinking of  _ Fresh Prince of Bel Air _ but I know that’s not in that movie, right?”

Patrick sighed, “No, Pete, the theme song of  _ Fresh Prince of Bel Air _ isn’t in  _ Independence Day _ .”

We were all huddled around a small fire pit that someone had found somewhere. We were sitting in a campfire circle with our instruments on our laps.

“O say can you see,” Frank belted out, far too loud and screeching to be serious. He got a line in before his own laughter took over.

“What about  _ Born in the USA _ ?” Gerard suggested, rolling his eyes. Okay yeah that one was pretty obvious. He went on, “I mean, it is kind of anti-patriotic but it’s fitting, don’t you think?”

Ray and Patrick knew how to play it and Gerard knew most of the words too, so the rest of us just tried to follow along as well as we could, making shit up in places. 

“Born in the USA, I was born in the USA,” Gerard, Ray and Patrick sang softly.

“I was born in the USA!” Pete and Frank screamed, far more punk-ish than the rest of us were being. I rolled my eyes as I made up a riff to go along with the two of them. They were such dumbasses, and I loved it so fucking much.

Then, somehow, we transitioned from that into Springsteen’s  _ Independance Day _ . I couldn’t play it, I’d never played it before, but Ray knew it. He played exceptionally and sang perfectly, we all just went along with him.

“Okay, what next?” Joe started to ask, but my brother had already decided for us.

“Looking out a dirty old window!” He belted out. 

Frank started strumming along with him and Ray and I joined in. 

G went on, “Down below the cars in the city go rushing by, I sit here alone and I wonder why…”

Fall Out Boy were looking at us in slight confusion for a long moment.

“Friday night and everyone’s moving, I can feel the heat but it’s soothing, heading down. I search for the beat in this dirty town,” Gerard bumped against Frank’s shoulder, grinning widely.

Frank returned the grin and started to sing, “Downtown - the young ones are going, Downtown - the young ones are growing.”

Pete gasped as he realised what song it was. “We’re the kids in America!” We all yelled, “We’re the kids in America! Everybody live for the music-go-round!”

We rounded off the patriotic music with  _ American Pie _ , and once again I had to appreciate my bandmates undeniable talent. Fall Out Boy too. Because fuck me, it all sounded so raw 

I guess that was enough patriotism for one day though, because we jumped into Metallica and then just went from there.

Somehow, we ended up on  _ Sugar We’re Goin Down _ and it was strangely surreal to listen to my brother singing the song I’d become so familiar with.

Later that night, when we had retired our instruments and made smores and everyone was sitting around listening to CDs and wrapped up in blankets, I realised that I didn’t want the night to end. I wanted to spend forever wrapped up in a blanket with Pete, surrounded by my favourite people, in our own little bubble where no one could touch us.

It was beyond perfect.

And I knew then that it could never last.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya girl updated early this week because of the late update last week. This is my form of apology.   
> Also, tomorrow night I'll be busy so I don't know if I'll get the chance to update and I'd rather not be late two weeks in a row. And if you're wondering why I'm busy, The Late Late Toy Show is on. Anyone else here from Ireland? For those of you who aren't, the Toy Show is one of the highlights of the year and it's the one thing pretty much everyone in the country watches. It's kinda wild but it's so great. And I can confidently say that as an eighteen year old I love it just as much as I did when I was a kid. Literally everyone loves it.  
> In other news, I put up our Christmas tree this week which I'm really happy about. I'm a big fan of Christmas. I also ordered most of the Christmas presents I need to buy which is cool. And Last Night at the Viper Room arrived today - my Instagram story was actually put on Stay Connected's story which made me so happy - and I cannot wait to dive into that.  
> Anyway, about the story, it was the Fourth of July! I don't know how I feel about this chapter to be honest but it's as good as it's gonna get. Also, how does everyone feel about Nell? I feel like I'm boring everyone with her scenes but I do actually enjoy writing her and modern My Chem and everything that's happening with Nell is all gonna be relevant the further into the story we go. I also don't know if I ever specified it in the story but the modern scenes are set in 2018. In the story it's the summer of 2018 when Nell finds the guys and goes to stay with Frank and everything. And my plan is to bring those scenes right up to 2020. I have a whole timeline and story arcs and stuff planned out but I just don't know how everyone feels about Nell being featured more in the story? So if anyone has any opinions on that, I'd love to hear them.  
> Thank you all for reading, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Let me know in the comments what you thought of it.   
> Stay safe and stay spooky! xx


	16. Gerard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y'all might hate me for this chapter... It's a strange one.

Lois jumped up excitedly on us when we opened the door. Frank’s car was parked up in the driveway so at least we hadn’t beat him home. I could only imagine how weird it would be to be there without him.

“Lo, be good!” He called from the living room and Lois bounded off in that direction then. I followed her.

“Hey Frankie,” I smiled brightly as I walked into the room.

He lay on the couch with a guitar across his lap, playing softly. “Hey Nellie,” He imitated my tone. I scoffed in response. He glanced up, “So what did you get up to today?”

Mikey rolled his eyes, flopping onto the armchair, “We showed the kid around and took some pictures. Nothing too exciting.”

I was just itching to ask Frank to tell me some more stories. He was fun to talk to, good to listen to. And he had some good fucking stories. I felt like I learned so much from just that conversation we’d had this morning. And I was dying to hear more.

I never really expected things to go this far. I didn’t think Mikey would even meet me, never mind all of this. And now I’d kind of lost the direction of the book. But I was writing something, I guess. I just wasn’t exactly sure what. 

Even still, all Mikey spoke to me about was the summer of 2005. Gerard mostly the same. And so Frank’s stories about what happened before that summer were honestly more than welcome. 

But I’d wait. I wasn’t sure if he was comfortable discussing it around the Ways anyway.

So I decided not to push it.

Frank headed off then, declaring he was putting his guitar back in the basement, and I was about to follow him when Mikey leapt up, asking with a great deal of excitement if he could see where Frank kept his guitars. They disappeared together, Frank happily telling Mikey about how the basement was just full of guitars.

I didn’t doubt it.

“So,” I raised an eyebrow, looking at Gerard, “How are you doing?”

He rolled his eyes, “Don’t start.”

I laughed, “I didn’t say anything. I’m just making sure you’re okay.”

“I know what you’re suggesting, kid. And I don’t really know, okay? It’s just- It’s all very fucking weird, you know?” He ran a hand through his hair, “I don’t really know how to feel. And everything is being dragged back up again and I just- Fuck, I sound like Mikey!”

Lois leapt onto him excitedly then, clearly amused by the way he was talking.

He calmed her down before he continued, “It just feels like we’ve been apart for too long. We’re just not G and Frankie anymore and I- What’s that song? It’s one Pete wrote about my brother.  _ Things aren’t the same anymore _ … It didn’t hurt this badly before. I mean, we kept going for six years and it didn’t hurt this badly but-”

“Six years?” I frowned, “Hang on, G, that doesn’t make sense. Don’t you mean eight? The band broke up in 2013. You said the relationship only lasted for the summer.”

He offered me a coy smile, “That’s not necessarily true.”

“Wait,” I was beyond confused, “That’s- You said the two of you went back to being  _ just friends  _ after the summer! That- If you went on for six years then- 2007? Are you-”

“Shush,” He waved his hand to try to silence me, obviously fearful that Frank and Mikey would overhear. Lois jumped up to lick the side of his face excitedly. He sighed, “Look, it’s hard to explain. You need the full story before we get there. But we called it off after 2005, but we were still together until 2007. It’s- I need to tell you everything before we can even get there…”

+++

I loved Frank’s voice, I always had. I remember the very first fucking time I had heard Pencey Prep play, I fell in love with Frank’s voice.

He never gave himself enough credit for it, but it was beyond fucking perfect. 

So sitting around a campfire listening to him sing while wrapped up in a blanket, drinking coffee and eating s’mores was beyond perfect.

Him and Pete had run off at the beginning of the night to collect our instruments - Pete had declared we needed to have a  _ jamming session _ \- and when the night wore on and we grew too tired, the instruments had been retired and we instead set up a CD player. 

Ray picked the music for that, which I was glad of. I didn’t quite trust Pete’s taste and I knew he was just dying to take control of the music. Thankfully, Ray had it covered.

And so Frank lay curled up against me, singing along to the songs he liked, bitching to Ray during the songs he didn’t like.

“Dance with me,” Pete hopped up, pulling my brother up with him.

Ray cackled, as if it was the fucking funniest thing that he’d ever seen. And I suppose seeing Mikeyway dancing awkwardly with Pete Wentz was pretty funny.

But I couldn’t laugh, because I knew I wasn’t safe.

“Ooh!” Frank jumped up delightedly, his blanket dropping to the ground, “G, come on! Let’s dance!” He pulled me to my feet and his grin grew, “Everyone up!” He ordered and somehow everyone ended up on their feet. We all danced awkwardly for a couple of songs and then the tiredness overtook us and we ended up huddled around the little campfire once more.

“You guys have to do your thing for  _ Life On The Murder Scene  _ tomorrow. You know that, right?” Ray asked Frank and I through a yawn.

“Ugh,” Frank groaned and pressed his face into my shoulder, “Do we have to? Tomorrow’s a day off.”

“That’s why you’re doing it,” Mikey chuckled.

“Ugh,” Frank repeated with more emphasis.

“Ooh, are you doing it too, Mikeyway?” Pete asked in that overly excited way of his. 

“Fuck no,” Mikey said in that deadpan way of his.

Huh, they kind of balanced each other out in that sense.

“Man, I don’t ever want to go to Massachusetts,” Ray sighed as Green Day drifted through the air.  _ American Idiot _ was one we could all agree on.

Frank cackled, “Well that’s fucking rude. What’s so bad about Massachusetts?”

“That’s where the tour ends,” My brother mumbled, shifting somehow closer to Pete. “Fifteenth of August in Northampton, I think.”

“Huh,” I wondered why my brother sounded so solemn. I mean, I didn’t particularly want the tour to end either but the way he said it made it sound as if it was an execution date or something. Fuck me.

I made a note to ask him about that later. 

Ray continued, “It’s just been a really great tour so far. And I feel like it’s only gonna get better. Nights like this on tour are always the fucking greatest. I can’t wait to have lots more, you know?”

Joe raised his cup, “Cheers, man. I’ll fucking drink to that.”

“Here’s to never reaching Massachusetts!” Patrick cheered.

And that’s when it fucking hit me. 

Fucking Massachusetts.

That was- No, it was perfect. That couldn’t fucking be it.

And then again… I was almost certain that I was right.

I had to be.

Yeah, but that was fucking crazy. I mean, just because we could do it didn’t mean we had to. Right?

But looking at Frank, I knew that I wanted to more than fucking anything. And as he grinned up at me, I knew he’d want it too. 

Fucking Massachusetts… 

I sipped coffee and smoked a cigarette as I watched the camera get set up. Frank was trying and failing to clean up the couch.

“How the fuck is it so dirty?” He gasped, “It’s only been like two weeks!”

“I distinctly remember that one,” I pointed to a stain.

Frank turned bright red, “Oh shut up, Gerard.”

I grinned around my coffee cup. It was hard not to be fucking happy. I was going to marry him, I just knew it. I had it all worked out. I was going to ask him the next day, I had it all perfectly fucking worked out. And I doubted he’d say no.

In the end, we chose to tuck a sheet over the couch. Frank took the sheet from his unslept in bunk and shoved all of the shit that was on the couch down to the far end of it and then smoothed the sheet out over it. If this moment was going to be immortalised on our documentary forever then we wanted it to at least look fucking semi clean. And the sheet helped us to do that. Sort of.

“Hey, where’s my brother?” I asked no one in particular as I did my eyeliner. He’d been on the bus last night, I knew that much but I had no idea where he was now.

Frank shrugged, “He got up early, gone somewhere with Pete.”

I should have known… 

We were putting a hell of a lot of effort into this shit. Both of us were wearing clean clothes, which was fucking rare. I had a weird stain on the jeans I had been wearing, so I had to change into a different pair. I wore a black shirt over a Madonna t-shirt that I hadn’t worn all tour so it was still actually clean and it didn’t even smell. Frank was beyond shocked by that.

“You’re so fucking hot right now,” He grinned, looping his arms around me.

“Because I’m not dirty?” I laughed.

“I can think of a lot of dirty things about you.”

I rolled my eyes, “Stop being so horny.”

He smirked, “Only for you, baby.” He leaned in then to kiss me, and of course I fucking kissed him back because I would spend the rest of my life kissing him if I could. I loved him more than anything in the whole fucking world.

“You look great, Frank,” I muttered against his lips, because he fucking did. He was wearing ripped jeans and a t-shirt that showed off his tattoos in a way that was stupidly fucking hot. I grunted, “Why are we wasting our day off?”

I didn’t really have much choice other than to spend our day doing documentary stuff though. So we made some coffee, lit some cigarettes and settled down in front of the camera.

We figured out some ground rules for it. Frank and I had already decided that any relationship stuff that we had footage of wouldn’t be in the documentary. So for our little bit that we were doing that day, we were going to sit apart and not be… us. 

It was much harder than we thought it would be. 

But, hey, that’s what editing is for, right?

+++

“Wait,” I frowned, “You said- You were planning on marrying him? I’ve never- No one has ever mentioned that. I’m so fucking confused.”

He laughed, “Just bear with me, kid.”

+++

_ Thank You For The Venom _ was the perfect time to do it, I decided. I hadn’t told anyone, and nor did I plan on telling anyone but that didn’t matter. Frank would agree that it was better kept between us. 

I knew I needed to do it that day. And I knew that it needed to be during that fucking song. There was a solo in the middle that lasted almost thirty seconds and that was the perfect fucking oppurtunity. I’d just yell it at Frank and then we’d play the rest of the set and it would be fucking awesome.

It was a fucking perfect plan.

“ _ So give me all your poison, And give me all your pills, And give me all your hopeless hearts, And make me ill. You're running after something That you'll never kill, If this is what you want Then fire at will _ …” I screamed into the microphone and then literally rushed across the stage to Frank.

He was playing with so much passion as fucking usual, which normally I’d love but we didn’t have enough time. 

Only about twenty seconds.

I pressed my lips right up to his ear, “Marry me!” He laughed, clearly not taking me seriously and I pressed closer, “I’m serious! I love you! Marry me in Massachusetts! We can do it! Marry me, Frank!” I leaned back to look at his face, to try to read his expression. He didn’t give me a chance. He leaned in close as pressed his lips to mine, still managing to play through the sloppy kiss.

“Yes!” He yelled and then shoved me away with a chuckle, spinning away as I ran back to the microphone. Ray was laughing at Frank and I.

I screamed out the lyrics, “ _ You'll never make me leave, I wear this on my sleeve, You want to follow something, Give me a better cause to lead, Just give me what I need, Give me a reason to believe _ …”

+++

“Oh my God,” I gasped, “You didn’t- I didn’t know- You got married?” I almost laughed. It was almost funny. Almost.

“I never said that,” He sighed, “Look, it’s complicated. Just- Let me explain. We’ll get there eventually.”

+++

“Are you fucking serious?” Frank gripped my arm as we walked off the stage.

“Deadly fucking serious,” I reached down to lace my fingers through his, “It’s fucking wild, and it’s absolutely fucking crazy but- But we could fucking do it. Sweetheart, I want to spend forever with you. I’d gladly fucking marry you.”

He grinned, “Okay. Okay. I want to do it, baby. Let’s fucking do it.”

My heart swelled, “Yeah?”

He tugged me closer and stretched up to kiss me, “I love you, G. Of course I want to marry you.”

“Fucking PDA on stage!” Pete yelled as we reached him. He somehow managed to climb onto my brother’s back. Mikey simply rolled his eyes. I expected him to yell at Pete and tell him to fuck off, but he simply rolled his fucking eyes and even smiled a little.

That was just fucking weird.

“They’ve made out on stage before,” Mikeyway rolled his eyes again, “It’s nothing fucking new.”

Pete’s eyes widened with dumb delight, “Really? Damn…”

Frank laughed and kicked at my brother’s legs, with the obvious intention of knocking the two of them over. 

Ray sighed and wrapped an arm around his waist, scooping him up and away as we headed off the stage. He put Frank down after he promised to stop trying to attack Pete and Mikey. 

Frank squeezed my hand and I allowed myself to think about what had just happened.

We were going to get married. He was gonna fucking marry me.

I wondered how that would work. Would he be Frank Iero-Way? Would I be Gerard Way-Iero? Or would we both take either Way-Iero or Iero-Way? Would we even take each other’s names at all? What if he didn’t want to be a Way? I didn’t want to be just Gerard Iero, that was fucking dumb. And Frank Way just didn’t fucking sound right.

Okay so marriage was confusing as hell and we hadn’t even gotten past the fucking proposal yet.

Shit, did I need a ring? I never fucking thought of that. I just fucking asked him.

Well shit.

Pete and Mikey went off to Fall Out Boy’s bus, yelling a rushed goodbye as they headed off. The shorter bassist was still clinging to my brother’s back.

When we got to the bus, Ray made his way into his little backroom studio. Frank made coffee - further proof of why I was marrying him - and helped me out of the vest I wore onstage. I went to the bunks then to find a shirt that wasn’t sweaty to change into. 

It was harder than you’d think.

When I’d found a sort of clean shirt, I went back to the front of the bus. Frank and I made our way to the couch, clutching coffee cups.

“So we’re getting married?” He hadn’t stopped smiling, “You’re fucking serious?”

“Of course I’m serious,” I took a gulp of coffee, “Unless you don’t-”

He cut me off immediately, “I definitely fucking want to. I just- What’s gonna happen?”

I shrugged, “I’m not too sure. I guess we need to get a marriage license-”

Frank cut me off again, this time with a brief kiss, “I know that, dumbass. I meant what are we gonna do? Do we need to start planning a wedding?”

I shrugged, “If you want to. I kinda thought we could just do it on the last day of the tour. Fuck the whole traditional thing. We just do it.” I stood up, leaving my coffee on the table and pulling him to his feet with me. I dropped to one knee, “I should probably do this properly.”

He cackled, covering his mouth with his hand to try to stifle his laughter, “G, are you- Oh my God… Go on then.”

I took his hand, “Stop laughing, asshole. You’re ruining the moment.”

He pressed his lips together.

I nodded, “Frank Iero, I have loved you since pretty much the first fucking moment I met you. I fell fucking head over heels in love with you four years ago, and every day I love you more and more. I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You told me when we started all this that you’d be by my side through it all and you have been. But I want you by my side for the rest of my fucking life, through fucking everything. Frank, will you marry me?”

“Yes!” He flung his arms around me and my leg went out from under me. We sprawled onto the floor as he kissed me. 

I was going to marry him, I realised as I wrapped my arms around him. I was the luckiest man in the world. I was going to marry him.

+++

I took a deep breath and wiped tears from my cheeks. I hadn’t even realised I’d been crying. Lois dropped her head onto my lap, wiggling her tail with uncertainty. 

“Are you okay?” G asked softly.

“Am I okay? This isn’t about me, you don’t need to worry about me. Of course I’m not okay but- Are you okay? Be honest,” I urged.

He shrugged, “It was years ago. I’ve moved past it.”

“Have you?”

He shrugged again.

We were silent for a long moment.

“Mikey never mentioned it,” I said eventually, “Did he- You didn’t tell him, right?”

“We didn’t want anyone to know. We were just going to do it. We wanted to tell everyone on the day, so it wasn’t a big deal. We had it all planned out so perfectly.”

“What happened?”

“I told you, kid,” Frank appeared in the doorway and I jumped a little, “ _ It was the best of times, it was the worst of times,  _ right G?”

Gerard laughed a little, “Yeah I guess so.” He offered me a small smile then, “We’ll get there eventually kid. A lot happened.”

Frank’s nervous laughter filled the room, “We’re just playing around down there. I thought maybe the two of you would like to come down? Kid, I don’t know if you can play or sing or anything but we can sort you out.”

I grinned, “Sure. I’d love that.”

Gerard hesitated, then nodded, “Sure, sure. What harm could it do? We can teach the kid a few things.”

Frank beamed, “Well come on then!” 

Lois bounded after us.

They fucking avoided playing any My Chemical Romance songs like the fucking plague. They didn’t even fucking mention them. In fact, they tiptoed around the topic and purposely fucking avoided it. I swear it was just to annoy me. I could tell by the dumb fucking smirk that Mikeyway was failing to disguise. 

Fucking asshole. 

We spent the rest of the afternoon in the basement, which was just fucking guitar world. It was awesome. And watching the three of them play together - well, Gerard didn’t really play much - was probably the greatest moment of my life, even if they refused to play their own songs. I only wished Ray was there.

Frank wanted me to join in, but I couldn’t play an instrument to save my fucking life. And while I could probably get by with singing, I wasn’t going to embarrass myself by wailing in front of actual fucking talented musicians. Frank’s attempts at teaching me to play didn’t exactly succeed. He insisted that it was simply because no one could learn that fucking quickly. I just thought I was rubbish and impossible to teach.

“Nope, that’s it,” He sighed, “I’m gonna teach you. You’re learning to play even if it kills me. I’m gonna make a guitar player out of you.”

Despite how stressed I was over how badly it was going, I laughed, “Okay, Dad.”

Gerard looked up in alarm, “No.”

“What? No, what?” Frank scoffed.

“You don’t get to be  _ Dad _ . If any of us should be her dad, it should be me.”

“Why not me?” Mikey piped up, “I mean, I’m the one she knew first.”

G rolled his eyes, “Yeah but you can be the cool uncle. She lives with me. I’m the obvious Dad here. I told her already that if I could I’d adopt her.”

I groaned, “And I told you already that that was never going to happen because it sounds like a bad fanfic waiting to happen.”

Frank burst out laughing, “It fucking does! Oh my fucking God, your life is about to be a dumb  _ Adopted by my favourite band  _ fanfiction.”

“The fact that you even know they exist kind of scares me,” I admitted, to which he only laughed more.

Then he turned to Gerard, “Anyway, adult adoption is a thing. I could adopt her.”

“Adult adoption is a thing?” He widened his eyes in shock, “I didn’t know that!”

Frank rolled his eyes, “Well she already called me Dad so I guess if any of us are going to be going down the adult adoption route, it’ll be me.”

“I’m sure you could co-parent,” Mikey supplied, not even bothering to look up from the bass guitar in his lap.

“Do I not get a say in this?” I raised an eyebrow, “Because if I do, I agree with Mikeyway. Also, no one needs to adopt me,” I huffed, folding my arms.

“But she’s  _ Baby Way _ ,” Gerard emphasised, “So that means she’s my kid.”

Frank crossed his arms, “Well maybe she’s my kid too.”

Gerard laughed a little, “Okay well you both did just do the exact same toddler pose so maybe…”

Frank flipped him off then, laughing too.

Thankfully they dropped it after that and instead went backing to messing around playing.

I chose to sit on the table then and simply watch them all play. Under the promise that I wouldn’t share it, I was allowed to take some pictures and videos to preserve the moment forever. For educational purposes, obviously.

+++

We spent most of the night talking about it, discussing details and the practicalities of it.

“I don’t have a ring,” I laughed as we laid in our bunk, cuddled close together.

Frank chuckled, “Well damn, G, now the engagement’s off. No ring, whatever will we do?” He teased, then propped himself up on his elbow so he could look at me, “I don’t care about a fucking ring, dumbass. I love you so fucking much. I just want to marry you. And engagement rings are dumb, okay? We’ll find wedding rings before we get to Massachusetts if you really want to. But engagement rings are dumb as fuck.”

I scoffed, “Damn, I’m glad I didn’t waste our time with an engagement ring then.”

He kissed me, “I love you. And I can’t wait to marry you. That’s all I fucking need, you know?” 

I smiled, “Me too, sweetheart. I fucking love you more than anything. This is all I need, forever.”

“Stop being so cheesy,” He flopped down, pressing his face into my shoulder. He laughed again, “You know, Mikeyway is going to absolutely kill you.”

“You’re keeping it a secret too,” I pointed out, “He’ll kill you too.”

He grinned, “Yeah, I know. But it’ll be worth it.”

That was something we’d discussed too, whether or not we’d tell everyone. We knew that if we told the guys in our band, word would definitely get around and we didn’t want that. We wanted to be in control of it all, only tell the people we wanted to and come out when we were ready. If we told everyone now that we were getting married at the end of tour then somehow our entire fucking fanbase would end up figuring it out. We’d have fans camping out around us in Massachusetts and we’d fucking make headlines for it, which we definitely did not want.

So we were keeping it between us, our own little secret. It was ours and ours alone. We didn’t want to share it yet, didn’t want it tainted by other people's opinions. We knew that people would tell us we were too young, tell us we wouldn’t last, tell us we were being impulsive or just that it simply wasn’t what we should do. And we were not gonna put up with that shit.

So we were getting married, we were keeping our engagement to ourselves and we were only going to tell everyone on the last day of the tour. Let anyone try to stop us.

+++

Frank was the one who finally mentioned My Chemical Romance. He excitedly informed me that he’d teach me to play  _ Helena _ , because that was one of his favourite riffs, and  _ Give ‘Em Hell Kid _ , because that was easy enough to learn - apparently.

“And you’ll be able to give ‘em hell yourself then, kid,” He joked and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at the dad-like joke. He went on, “We’ll start tomorrow. There’s no way I’m letting you leave Jersey until you can play at least a little. You guys good with that?” He asked the Ways with a grin.

Mikeyway shrugged, “We’re not leaving yet.”

Gerard laughed, “You’re stuck with us for now, Frankie.”

Frank grinned.

I was in shock. Why the fuck weren’t they married? What had happened? How did absolutely no one know? I couldn’t believe I’d been let in on such a secret. No one else knew, not even the people closest to them, not even Mikey. And yet I knew. I’d been fucking told.

That was wild.

“Oh my- Mikeyway, look at this!” Gerard doubled over with laughter as he held out a picture to his younger brother.

“Oh no,” Mikey groaned and pushed the photo away.

“I guess you always rocked the tank tops!” G teased.

Frank and I both leaned over to look at it. Frank also groaned and scoffed. I cackled.

It was a picture of Frank and Mikey playing together. Frank still had his dreads, although they were mostly concealed under a beanie. He was pulling a face in it, looking as if he had just done something he shouldn’t have. And knowing Frank he definitely had.

And then there was Mikey next to him. And sure enough he was wearing a tank top. His hair was slicked back off his face and he was making his usual poker face. But he was wearing a fucking tank top. And Gerard was in a fit of laughter over it.

I, on the other hand, couldn’t help but laugh over Frank’s face in the picture. What had he done?

Frank had made spaghetti and vegan meatballs for dinner, which had been fucking delicious. And then after we’d finished eating and cleaned up, he told us to wait there and rushed off. Gerard made coffee and Frank returned with a box of photos. It was mostly just the early MCR days, he told us, all of it from before  _ Revenge _ and he had more upstairs. He also told us that he had a lot of tapes and old videos, which I was beyond excited by.

So we’d all sat at the table, Frank and I on one side and Mikey and Gerard on the other, and began to sort through the photos.

“Oh look at this!” Frank nudged me, “Look how young we are!”

It was a picture of the four of them - Frank, Gerard, Mikey and Ray. They were all piled into the back of their old van. Mikey and Ray were sitting down, Gerard with his head on Mikey’s lap and Frank sitting on the floor at their feet. They were pretty young in it. Mikey still had the backcombed hair, Frank had just cut his dreads and his arms were relatively bare, Ray’s fro wasn’t as long, G still had that basement look about him.

Ray was smiling at the camera - he was the only one actually posing for the picture. Mikey was looking at his brother. Frank was holding a water bottle over Gerard’s head, and Gerard looked like he was screaming. 

It was perfect. It made my heart hurt a little.

“What about this one?” Gerard tossed a picture across the table to me. I grabbed it eagerly.

It was them. Him and Frank. I’d noticed a distinct lack of pictures of the two of them.

Again, it was basement Gerard and Frank after cutting his dreads off. The two of them were in the back of the van, both asleep. Frank’s head was on Gerard’s shoulder and Gerard had an arm wrapped around Frank, his cheek pressed to the top of Frank’s head. 

They looked so content, so comfortable around each other.

Frank smiled at me a little, “I’ll have to get you the box from that summer. There’s some good ones in there.” He seemed to be avoiding looking at the one of him and Gerard.

There had been so much love between them, they were going to get married. 

What the hell happened?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk when I decided this was going to happen but it was pretty early on in the writing process - I think before I even started sharing it here - and I just had to go with it because trust me, them being engaged is so fucking important later on. I know at times it probably seems like this is a little all over the place but that's because it's meant to be. They're all unreliable narrators, and I'm trying to show that with how messy it is at times. But I promise I do know exactly where the story is going.  
> Also I'm thinking of maybe taking a break from posting over the holidays. I'll probably be busy with family stuff to be honest and I'd also like to take the time that I have off to try and write some more. So I'm thinking of updating again next week and then the week after will be my last update possibly until the new year. But I'll see how it goes...  
> Things are kind of strange for me at the minute. I'll spare you the details but I'm a little all over the place myself. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna just sleep now and listen to Pencey Prep on repeat. I'm just pretty stressed at the minute and I have a lot on my mind and there's so much shit I gotta do that I'm just avoiding. But anyway, I promise I won't let it affect this.  
> Also, in regards to the story, I'm a bit of a weird place at the minute. There's a certain point that I need to get to - I promise it's not too far - and until I get there the chapters might seem kind of filler-ish. Don't hold me to this, but I think that the chapters I'll be posting after the break should be where things really start to take off again.   
> I'm also thinking of maybe having a chapter that's entirely from Nell's perspective. I'm not going to make a habit of writing chapters like that but just from what I'm currently writing it feels like I need to do some more focus on what's happening there to bring the story in the direction I want it. I'll see how it works out though.  
> I think that's all from me for now...  
> I hope everyone has had a good week and if you didn't I hope this week is better. How's everyone doing? What did y'all think of this chapter? Let me know in the comments!   
> Stay safe and stay spooky! xx


	17. Mikey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact before we start - the modern scenes in this chapter were written back in about September, I think. It's been a hot minute. I wrote those scenes way before I wrote the other ones. I know it doesn't matter, but I just wanted to let y'all know.  
> Anyway, here we go... Enjoy the chapter!

Frank was strange. 

No, strange wasn’t fair. That wasn’t the right word.

Maybe odd? Perhaps that was better.

Odd, yes, we’ll go with that.

Frank was odd. He was completely open to us all just being in his house indefinitely, it seemed like he quite enjoyed it really. He even seemed to enjoy the trip down memory lane I was forcing him to take. He and Gerard tiptoed around each other, but that was to be expected given what we were discussing.

We fell into a nice routine within only a few days of arriving in New Jersey. Frank and I were usually the first ones up, and we’d have a coffee together in the morning and talk - sometimes about the past, but not always. He was interested in me, and of course I was interested in him, which meant we quickly became friends. He wanted to get to know me, and of course I wanted to get to know him, so I loved our morning chats. 

By the time we would be finished our first coffee, one or both of the Ways would have woken up. And then we'd all talk about absolute nonsense while we drank coffee. Usually after the second coffee, I’d go take a shower. Then I’d get dressed. Sometimes Frank would leave random t-shirts and bits of merch in my room - usually from his solo projects, occasionally from My Chem - and I’d dress in them with a skirt or jeans or something. I had no idea why he’d taken it upon himself to supply me with clothes, but I did know that he had a ridiculous amount of it. He was such a hoarder. He could open a fucking shop, he had so much. And it’s not like he just had like one of everything, that would be understandable. No, he had multiple.

I wasn’t going to complain though, I was getting free merch because of it.

And then I’d go annoy someone to see what we were doing for the day. 

Mikey took me on a few adventures. I’d ask him what we were doing and then he’d declare that we were gonna go on an adventure and it would usually end with coffee or ice cream. Mikey knew lots of people - which I was shocked by, for some fucking reason - and so he would some days go out to meet old friends. Sometimes Gerard would go with him, other times he would stay in the house and work. I was never quite sure what work it was he was doing, but there was no point in asking because he was weirdly secretive about stuff like that.

I realised that when we’d been there about a week and I brought up the band.

“So… are there any plans for a reunion? Are you gonna return?” I asked with so much fucking hope.

Frank opened his mouth, started to fucking answer.

But Gerard cut him off, shaking his head, “We’re not having this conversation.”

I gaped, “Do you actually not trust me?”

He rolled his eyes, “Of course I trust you. Look at everything I’ve shared with you. I trust you, but this isn’t a topic we need to discuss.”

Frank pulled a face but didn’t say anything. I should have asked him alone.

Usually I went with Frank to walk Lois. Gerard came once and then freaked out and chose not to come again. And I’d go out with Frank sometimes too, I’d just tag along when he went to do errands. And he’d try to dedicate some time at least every other day to teach me to play. I stuck by Gerard’s side most of the time other than that though. I usually went with him when he left to do anything. When he worked, if I wasn’t gone out with the others, I’d settle down next to him and we’d work together in silence. I’d write and go through notes and tapes, and he’d do whatever the fuck it was he did.

We’d all have dinner together, which was something I loved. If one of us was out, we’d wait until they returned before we had food. And then after dinner, I’d nag Mikey to take me for ice cream. Usually it worked, we’d go get ice cream and he’d tell me stories in the car. We always ended up talking about the past, sitting on Frank’s floor and going through photos sometimes, watching videos occasionally, but we’d always talk about it for at least part of the night.

We fell into a routine quickly, and my life became better than it had ever been because, I realised, it wasn’t just that we had fallen into a routine. We’d become a family.

+++

I watched as Pete tucked his laptop away, “You just use me for Internet connection.”

He grinned, “Who told you?”

“Internet and sex, is that all I am to you?” I teased, lying on my side to look at him.

“Obviously,” He scoffed and leaned in to kiss me, “Internet, sex and you’ve got a cute butt.”

I scoffed, “I do not have a cute butt. Do I?” That was a new one. I’d never been told I had a cute butt before, in fact no one had ever commented on my butt before. Pete was so odd.

He flashed me his wide, toothy grin, “You have the cutest butt, Mikeyway.” As if to prove his point, he reached around to pinch my butt.

I shrieked and he burst out laughing.

“No sex noises!” Ray yelled from across the way.

“That wasn’t a-” I started, but there was no use.

There was a thud from the bunk next to mine - the one G and Frank shared - and then Frank shrieked too, imitating what I presumed was meant to be moaning. I could hear my brother laughing softly. 

And then Pete fucking joined in, moaning like a fucking pornstar and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. I had fallen in love with an absolute dork.

“I hate you all!” Ray called out without conviction, laughing as he said it.

Frank’s noises only intensified.

“Shut the hell up, dumbass! Some of us are trying to sleep!” Bob yelled, but he didn’t sound mad.

Pete fell into a fit of giggles. I could hear my brother and Frank cackling from the bunk next to me. 

I was surrounded by idiots.

The laughter faded out eventually and it was slowly replaced by soft snoring - the usual sounds in the bunk at night. Pete lay curled against me under the blanket, his finger tracing patterns on my hip and breathing against my neck.

I couldn’t think of a time when I’d ever been this comfortable around anyone. I didn’t think I’d ever been that close to anyone before.

“Hey,” I whispered against his hair, “I love you. Like, I really love you so much, dude.”

I could feel his lips twitch into a smile, “I love you too, sweet little dude,” He whispered against my skin, “More than I could ever explain to you, Mikeyway.”

It felt nice to be able to say it, to finally know where we stood in each other’s lives. I loved him and he loved me, the rest didn’t matter.

I couldn’t let it matter. It would completely drive me crazy. I needed to just enjoy the summer, enjoy being in love with him. I couldn’t think past that.

“We should do something tomorrow,” I muttered. 

He chuckled, “What do you wanna do? We have the day off, right?”

I hummed, “We should go on an adventure. Last night was fun. Let’s do more of that.”

“Mikeyway, in case you hadn’t already realised, I want to spend the rest of my life going on adventures with you,” He kissed my neck, “Let’s go to Death Valley.”

_ Oh for fucks sake, it was always something weird with him. _

“Why the fuck do you want to go to Death Valley?” I scoffed. It took me a moment to realise what he had said. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Could he see a way of it all working out? I allowed myself to be filled with hope, because maybe Pete knew how we’d get through his. Maybe he had it all worked out.

“I just like the sound of Death Valley. It’s not that far from here, right? I’d like to be alive in Death Valley. It’s almost like a paradox. It’s ironic, kinda. Come on, Mikeyway, be alive in Death Valley with me.”

“You’re a dumbass,” I rolled my eyes, “But if you want to go to Death Valley, we can try.”

“It’ll mean we have to get up early in the morning.”

I groaned, “I hate you.”

“You love me.”

+++

Frank was frowning. “What’s up with you, kid?”

I stared at my coffee cup, “Nothing.”

It was our morning coffee, the one Frank and I shared together before the others woke up. It was just him, Lois and I. 

I usually hated my birthday, but already this was probably the best one yet. Even still, I felt pretty shitty. It always made me feel unloved, unwanted, unbearably alone. 

Even today, even with Frank and Lois sitting next to me, I still felt shitty.

Stupid fucking birthdays.

“You do realise that bullshit like that won’t work with me, right?” He raised an eyebrow, “Tell me what’s up before I get worried.”

I laughed, “Really, Frank, it’s nothing. It’s just-” I sighed, “It’s my birthday.”

His eyes widened and shock painted his face. “Fuck. Shit- oh, fuck. Happy birthday, kid.”

Okay, definitely the best one yet.

“Thank you,” I smiled.

“You should have told me it was your birthday. I would have gotten you something.”

I shrugged, “It’s okay. My birthdays are generally pretty shitty so it doesn’t really matter. I’m not really big on birthdays.”

“It definitely matters. Go get dressed,” He reached across the table to grab my mug.

“Why?” I tried to snatch the coffee back but failed, “It’s so early, Frank.”

He rolled his eyes, “We’re going to go celebrate your birthday and I need to get you a present. Now go get dressed. We’re leaving in twenty minutes.” He sipped my coffee then as I rushed out of the kitchen. Lois bounded after me.

Twenty minutes gave me enough time to get dressed, quickly do some makeup, and brush my hair. I bounded down the stairs just as Frank was heading up.

“Oh good,” He grinned, “I was just coming to get you. Let’s go.”

I followed him out to the car, “Did you tell G and Mikey that we were leaving? Do they want to come? Will Lois be okay?” I idled by the door.

“I told Mikey,” He shrugged, “I sent him a text, he’ll see it when he wakes up. It’s fine. Besides, they have the spare key. It’s not like they’re housebound or anything. It’s fine. And Lois is gonna be okay, don’t worry about her. Now come on.”

+++

It was no surprise that Pete’s plan to go to Death Valley completely fell through. We couldn’t find a way to get to Death Valley, and we didn’t even know what there was to do when we got there. So instead we ended up on Fall Out Boy’s bus, drinking coffee in the backroom.

“We could go to Disneyland,” He suggested.

I really needed to have at least one cup of coffee in me before I could deal with this.

“Pete,” I sighed, “We can’t just go to Disneyland.”

“Sure we can,” He grinned, “Anaheim is only, like, thirty minutes away. We could go to Disney. Imagine how awesome that would be.”

I sighed again and rolled my eyes too just for good measure, “Why do you wanna go to Disneyland?” I took another gulp of coffee.

“Because it’s Disney. It would be awesome,” He grinned.

I found myself smiling too, maybe it was the caffeine, maybe it was because I loved him too much to ever say no to even his strangest ideas. So I found myself nodding, “Okay. Okay, baby, if you want to go to Disneyland then… I guess we’re going to Disneyland.”

+++

I was mildly confused when Frank pulled up in front of a tattoo parlour. He turned to me with a triumphant grin.

“I’m confused.”

He laughed, “Happy fucking birthday, kiddo. When I was nineteen, a tattoo would have been an awesome birthday gift. I thought maybe you’d like to add some more. A buddy of mine runs the place. We can walk in.”

“You wanna get me a tattoo for my birthday?”

“Well you’re only nineteen once, Baby Way. You wanna?”

I fucking beamed, “Fuck yeah! Let’s do this.”

Frank led the way into the shop and greeted the guy there. 

“Iero! Back again, huh? What can I do for you?” He had a man bun and too many fucking piercings to count.

“Well I was just here for the kid but I highly doubt I’ll be able leave without getting something done myself.”

The guy raised an eyebrow, glancing at me, “You’re getting a tattoo?”

“It’s her birthday,” Frank explained.

“Cool, man. I can squeeze her in about…” He glanced down at the book in front of him, “Come back to me in an hour, bro. Want me to book you in too?”

Frank smirked, “Sure, why not?”

We headed back out then and Frank declared that a birthday breakfast was needed. I agreed because I really needed a fucking coffee.

“Okay, here’s the plan, kid. Breakfast-”

“Coffee,” I nodded.

“That’s included in breakfast,” He rolled his eyes, “Okay so breakfast, then tattoos and we’ll go from there. Maybe some lunch. I know a good place. Hey, we could go to the cinema if you want to. I wish I had known sooner that it was your birthday. I would have planned better if I’d known. But we can roll with it. I’ll try to make it a good birthday.”

I beamed, “Frank, this is already the best birthday.”

“One more thing,” He took out his phone as we got back into the car, connecting it to the radio. A moment later  _ 19 _ by Pencey Prep played through the car and I couldn’t help but laugh.

+++

It was the happiest place on earth. That’s what Disney parks are always branded as, right? Well I agreed. I wholeheartedly agreed. It was the happiest place on earth, without a doubt. But that wasn’t because of the park.

It was because of Pete.

I was happier than I’d ever been when I was with him.

It was crazy, completely fucking crazy. Why the hell had I turned into a lovesick teenager?

But it was Disneyland, everyone was happy. 

He looked ridiculously happy in his Mickey Mouse hat with the ears on it and a pair of large sunglasses. It was somehow a good look for him, with his hair poking out underneath it and dark eyeliner smudged around his eyes and his tattooed arms on show from the t-shirt he wore. How did he manage to make all of that work?

And was that t-shirt mine? I fucking think so.

We spent the afternoon going between the parks, and then Pete almost threw up.

I scoffed, “I told you not to eat a pretzel before going on  _ Space Mountain. _ ”

We were packed into a cubicle in the toilets in Tomorrowland, while Pete leaned over the toilet. I rubbed what I hoped were soothing circles onto his back.

“But you ate a pretzel too,” He groaned, heaving into the toilet again.

I sighed, “Yes, but I didn’t eat a pickle or have a milkshake.”

“Don’t shame me, Mikeyway. We’re in Disney.”

“And you’re bent over a toilet.”

He sat up, bouncing back with his grin as if to prove a point, “Let’s get back out there, Mikes. I want an ice cream.” 

So we went and got him a fucking ice cream and water too, just for good measure. I got a coffee, because unsurprisingly the Disneyland coffee was good coffee.

I couldn’t think of anything bad about Disneyland. It was fucking awesome.

And then we went on more of the rides.

I think my favourites were definitely the  _ Haunted Mansion _ and  _ Twilight Zone: Tower of Terror _ . Pete made jokes about me being emo when I admitted that.

“You almost threw up after  _ Space Mountain _ ,” I retorted as we walked through the gift shop.

“That is very true,” He laughed, picking up a plush Mickey Mouse, “Hey, he’s cute.”

“You’re cute,” I smiled.

He blushed a little and held up the plush, “But look how cute he is, Mikeyway.”

It was a small Mickey Mouse teddy, just like all of the countless plushes in every shop and stand in the park. But this one wasn’t the colourful mouse that decorated most of the park, instead it was black and grey with a little hat on top of its head. 

And it was being held by a grinning Pete. 

It was pretty cute.

“We should probably take him home with us,” I laughed, “Little guy needs a home.”

And so we bought the little plush and tucked him away safely into Pete’s backpack.

And then I decided that we had to go on the Peter Pan ride. 

“We should go to London,” My Peterpan whispered as the little ride took off.

I smiled and wrapped an arm around him. I liked this. No one could see us, we were free to do whatever we wanted. “Dude, we’re going to the UK after the Warped Tour. You should come with us.” It was out of my mouth before I could even realise what I was saying. But, my God, I would love that so much. I’d bring Pete on every tour with me if I could. 

It would be perfect. We could bring him with us to the UK and I’d have him with me for the tour. Then when he had to go tour himself, I could go with him if I was free and if I wasn’t I’d know that we would eventually be going home to each other.

What a beautiful thought.

“You mean that, Mikeyway?” He grinned up at me.

“Of course I do. Peterpan, in case you hadn’t already realised, I want to spend the rest of my life going on adventures with you,” I repeated his words.

His face softened, “Baby, you’re too perfect.”

+++

We went to iHop for breakfast. The coffee was good, which was my priority.

“I prefer Dunkin Donuts,” Frank hummed as he sipped coffee and read the menu.

I laughed, “They do have good coffee. This is good too though.”

He shrugged, “Yeah I guess. Whatcha having? You like pancakes, right? Because they do birthday cake pancakes. I haven’t had them, they might be gross. But it could be fun.”

“Birthday cake pancakes sound like dessert.”

He grinned, “So we’ll have some for dessert.”

So we ordered pancakes for breakfast and then birthday cake pancakes for dessert. And lots of coffee to wash it all down.

I felt like I was going to explode, I’d eaten so much. Real Monty Python type stuff.

But it was perfect. It was beyond perfect. 

Capturing a picture of breakfast with Frank Iero was possibly the greatest thing I’d ever posted on my Instagram. It was fucking wild.

+++

“Don’t fucking move!” Frank leapt up as soon as Pete and I walked onto the bus.

Gerard couldn’t even speak, he fell into a fit of laughter the moment he saw us.

I’d never live this down.

“Frank, the take!” Ray yelled from the back of the bus.

“You gotta go look!” Frank laughed in return.

A moment later the two of them appeared. Ray clamped a hand over his mouth, laughing as soon as he saw us. Frank raised his camera, snapping pictures of us both.

The camera that had been recording my brother and Frank was instantly turned onto the two of us and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes.

Pete and I both still had our Mickey Mouse ear hats and Pete had one hand in mine and our little Mickey Mouse plush in his other hand. I couldn’t help but smile.

Frank snapped another picture, “That’s the one!” 

Gerard was still cackling on the couch. 

It took a good ten minutes before they calmed down. Frank spent that time taking pictures, Pete posed, Gerard laughed, I laughed too, and Ray made sure the whole thing was caught on camera.

“You guys went to Disneyland?” Gerard finally suppressed some of his laughter and found his voice. Pete and I sat down and my brother gaped at our hats, “You guys went to Disneyland on our day off and we had to do a fucking interview. How the fuck is that fair? I’m so fucking jealous, man.”

I shrugged. Pete grinned, “I almost threw up.”

My brother grimaced, “Okay, nevermind. I’m no longer jealous.”

“Gnarly,” Frank looked amazed.

“He ate too too much just before  _ Space Mountain _ ,” I rolled my eyes, “We had to spend like twenty minutes in the toilets.”

“Tomorrowland toilets,” Pete added.

“Ooh,” Gerard lit up, “Were they toilets from tomorrow?”

Pete’s face fell, “Unfortunately not.”

“Were they themed?” My brother sounded hopeful.

“Not really,” Pete shook his head.

“Oh.”

+++

It was a fucking great birthday. 

That was all I could think about as I lay on the bed in the tattoo parlour, with Frank’s buddy tattooing my arm.

I had gotten my first tattoo a year before, and I had loved it. The smell of tattoo parlours, the buzz of the needle, the anticipation, the feeling of the needle against my skin. I loved it all. I loved every moment of it.

And doing it now again with one of my fucking idols was insanely perfect.

Frank sat on the counter watching me and when I glanced over he rolled his eyes.

“You’re an asshole, you know that, right kid?” He scoffed, “I can’t believe you’re getting a fucking My Chem tattoo.” He lifted his phone and snapped a picture of me, then began typing.

“You gotta admit it’s cool though bro,” His buddy laughed, barely glancing up from the  _ I’m Not Ok  _ cassette he was drawing on me. Frank simply scoffed again, not even looking up from his phone.

“Thanks man,” I grinned. I glanced at the wrapped tattoo on my other arm - a little ghost drawn by Frank. He - for some insane reason - had an almost identical ghost tattoo, except his had been drawn by me. It was kind of crazy but I wasn’t going to complain or even question it. Fucking Frank Iero was getting not only a matching tattoo to me, but one fucking drawn by me. It was beyond awesome. And it was really fucking  _ weird _ .

“What are you doing?” I glanced over at Frank again as he typed then took another picture of me.

He flashed me a grin, “Documenting. Telling G and Mikeyway where we are. Also, Toro says happy birthday.”

I spluttered, actually fucking spluttered and it took everything in me to stay still. “Toro? As in Ray Toro?  _ What _ ?”

He laughed, “I was texting him and he asked what I was up to and I told him that I was taking the kid that Gerard had taken in to get tattooed. I asked if he knew about you, explained who you were a little and told him it was your birthday. And he said that was awesome, to tell you he said happy birthday and to send him pictures when we’re done.”

I was speechless. I was at a total loss. Ray fucking Toro.

When they were both finished and wrapped, I sat on the bed gazing at them in adoration.

“What are you doing now?” I peered over at Frank as he stood, phone in hand.

He laughed, “Smile.” He moved next to me and lifted his arm, showing off his little ghost. I did the same and he snapped a picture. 

I tried to see what he was captioning it but he posted it to his Instagram story before I got the chance. Then he insisted that I let him take a picture of me and the cassette tape on my arm. Again, I didn’t see the caption.

“Dude, stop being so cagey. I’m literally going to check it as soon as I get to my phone.” I scooped my bag up off the floor and rooted through for my phone.

He shrugged and headed off after his friend to settle the bill.

I clicked onto his Instagram story.

The first picture of both of us was simply captioned  _ matching tats with the kid _ and a little birthday hat sticker over my head, then the one of me was just  _ of course she had to get a my chem one _ . I laughed and screenshotted them both.

+++

Pete was taking the responsibility of our Mickey Mouse way too seriously. It was kind of adorable. 

“So you’re keeping him tonight, because I have an interview in the morning,” He told me as I walked him to Fall Out Boy’s bus.

I laughed, “I don’t mind if you want him tonight.” I hated nights where we slept apart. And thankfully they were rare. But Pete had to go to an interview early the next morning, and so we decided that we’d be able to survive a night apart.

But now I wasn’t too sure.

Ugh, I was starting to sound like Pete. Frank was right;  _ Love is wild _ .

“I want you to have him tonight,” Pete persuaded, “And I know you’ll look after him tomorrow.”

“It’s a toy, not a child,” I chuckled.

He stared at me with wide eyes, “Mikeyway, you can’t leave him alone.”

I sighed, “Alright. I’ll keep him with me all day tomorrow if that’s what’ll make you happy.”

He grinned once again, “You’re perfect, Mikeyway.”

“Nah, sweet little dude, I think you’ll find that’s you,” I leaned in to brush my lips against his.

“You’re the sweetest,” He insisted.

“Semi sweet at best,” I scoffed.

Pete flashed me that cheek splitting grin of his, “Semi sweet, huh? I like that.”

“Of course you do,” I rolled my eyes, “I’m not being profound, I’m just saying that I’m not as great as you like to pretend I am.”

“Oh shut up.” It was his turn to roll his eyes. 

I bumped my shoulder against his with a smile, “I love you.” It felt good to be able to say it.

He smiled too, “And you’re trying to tell me that you’re only semi sweet… I love you too, Mikes.”

It felt even better to hear it.

When I returned to my bus alone with the plush toy, I had planned on going to bed but the rest of my band were getting food and I was suddenly hungry - despite how much Pete and I had eaten when we were in Disneyland.

And then Gerard insisted that we all watch a zombie movie one of the fans had gifted him, so I watched the fucking zombie movie.

+++

Frank brought me to a bookstore after we finished in the tattoo parlour - at my request.

“Can I ask why?” He asked as we walked in. He had asked what I wanted to do after we finished up in the tattoo parlour, and I’d suggested a bookstore. He happily went along with it and I loved him a little more for it. The guy really was the greatest.

I pushed my sunglasses into my hair and shrugged, “It’s kinda weird but it’s my birthday tradition. I always just vibe in a bookstore on my birthday. It’s just- I didn’t ever really have anyone to celebrate with so as I got older I used to go out and hang out in a bookstore for a few hours and usually I’d have enough money to get myself a cup of coffee and pick out a couple of books. I didn’t really have any friends or anything so it was my equivalent of a party or whatever. It’s just my way of celebrating my birthday I guess. It wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t go to a bookstore on my birthday, you know?”

He nodded, offering me a sad smile.

I blushed instantly. It wasn’t my intention to make him feel bad for me, and I definitely didn’t want to make him feel awkward or uncomfortable after how wonderful he’d made the day for me. I didn’t want his pity, he’d done enough for me without adding that on top of it.

“You don’t have to stay,” I said quickly, “I’ve had a wonderful day, but if you wanna go home I can make my own way back. I don’t want to force you to be here.”

“I want to stay. If you want me to stay, that is.” 

I nodded, “Of course I want you to stay.”

“Then I’ll stay. No one should be alone on their birthday,” He squeezed my shoulder, “I’m not leaving. No one should feel shitty on their birthday either. You don’t deserve that, kid.”

I smiled, and not for the first time I wondered how life had ended up like this. How was everything so perfect?

Frank did leave, but only for a few minutes to run across the street and grab us some coffee.

“You said that you usually get coffee when you do this, right?” He hummed after a few minutes of browsing around the store, “There’s a place nearby with good coffee. I’ll go grab us some while you pick some books. Don’t go running off on me, okay?”

He disappeared then, and I wandered around without him for a few minutes. 

My phone buzzed and I frowned as I pulled it out of my pocket. Who the fuck was texting me?

It was Pete, which I was pleasantly surprised by.

**(14:42)** **_pw:_ ** _ you didn’t tell me it was your birthday wtf _

**(14:42)** **_pw:_ ** _ happy bday baby way! we’re celebrating once you’re home _

Home… how strange. When did LA become my home? 

And why did New Jersey feel more like home than anywhere else I’d ever been?

It was then that I realised it wasn’t LA or New Jersey that had become my home, it was the people I was with. Gerard and Mikey and Frank.

What a strange thought.

I mulled it over for a long moment before I responded to Pete.

**(14:45)** **_babyway:_ ** _ thnks dude! how’d you know? _

**(14:46)** **_pw:_ ** _ frnks story. i’m glad it’s going well :) when are you back home? _

**(14:46)** **_babyway:_ ** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 

**(14:47)** **_babyway:_ ** _ i’ll let you know as soon as I know though! _

Frank returned then with two coffees and I pocketed my phone once more.

“Thank you,” I grinned as I sipped the coffee he’d offered me and handed him a cheesy romance novel I’d found, “Sounds almost as dramatic as your love life.” It was one of those over the top ones, with the cover featuring a sunset backdrop and a man with low cut pants and no shirt and a woman clinging to him with one of those flowy white dresses and her long hair blowing in the wind. So fucking cheesy. 

He glanced at the book with a raised eyebrow, “Yeah, since you stormed in like a bat out of hell,” He cackled and ruffled my hair. “But I think this one might be more Pete and Mikeyway.  _ A whirlwind summer romance filled with passion, lust and… _ Dot dot dot.”

I laughed as he actually voiced the dots. What a dumbass.

Then he wandered around the store with me, silently looking at various different books and stopping every now and then to read the backs of some of them out to me, either because of interest or to make fun of them. 

+++

The young girl gasped delightly when she saw Mickey Mouse. I had kept him with me all day, keeping my promise to Pete. And so I was walking around the site with a small Disney teddy clutched tightly in my hand. I couldn’t let anything happen to it.

She stopped me as I heaved my way between the stalls, “Mikey! Hey Mikey! Hi! I’m a huge fan. I love your music, it’s meant so much to me.”

I felt my cheeks redden but I forced a small smile and swallowed down the anxiety that I always felt when faced with situations such as these.

“Thank you so much,” I tucked Mickey under my arm briefly to extend my hand to shake hers, “That really means a lot, man, thank you.”

She blushed and grinned, “Is that Mickey Mouse? Were you in Disneyland?”

I laughed, “Yeah, Pe- my friend and I went yesterday.”

“That’s awesome!” She looked delighted, “I love Disney. Could I get a picture?”

I extended my arm again, expecting her to stand close but she simply raised her camera to snap a picture of me and our plush. I couldn’t help but smile as I held him up and flashed a thumbs up. As far as fan interactions go, this wasn’t my worst at all. 

Then as she beamed happily, I stopped a guy and asked him to take a picture of us both for her. As I hugged her, she looked as if she would cry.

Pete would love this. I couldn’t wait to tell him.

“I’d offer to sign something but I don’t have my pen.” 

She had a pen, and I happily signed her pass and then, after hugging her once more, I excused myself to go to the stage and headed on my way once again.

Gerard scoffed when I walked up to him, “Is it your child?”

“He,” I corrected, then booped him on the nose with the plush, “And yes, I think so. Pete and I are co-parenting.”

“Pete needs to pick up the slack,” Ray teased, “You’ve had him the whole time.”

“The tough life of a single dad,” Frank put in.

I rolled my eyes, “Man, I’m not a single dad. My other half is just busy working for a good life for Little Mickey and I.”

“This got weird so quick,” Ray muttered to my brother, who rolled his eyes.

“They’re such fucking weirdos.”

+++

“Don’t pick at it!” Frank scolded.

I was poking at the plastic wrapping on my arm as we walked up the driveway. 

“I’m not picking at it,” I dropped my hand sheepishly and he rolled his eyes. I poked it again as soon as he turned his back to open the front door.

“Happy birthday!” Gerard and Mikey yelled as soon as I walked in. I squealed a little.

Gerard was holding a chocolate cake with bright pink candles stuck into it. He looked very proud of himself. And Mikey was holding up his phone, recording the whole ordeal.

They all sang  _ happy birthday _ and I couldn’t stop the tears that spilled down my cheeks as I blew out the candles. 

“Don’t cry!” Gerard sounded distraught as he practically flung the cake into Frank’s arms and pulled me into a hug.

Frank laughed, “She’s had a long day, G. Give her a minute. She’s probably just a little overwhelmed.”

I was. It was more than just overwhelming. I was almost in shock. When did this become my life? How did I deserve this?

I let out a sob and clung to Gerard’s shirt as I pressed my face into his shoulder.

Gerard gave the best hugs. I’d realised that from the very first time he hugged me. He was warm and soft and he was the type of person that never wanted to let go.

“Shit, Gerard, you made her cry on her birthday!” Mikey exclaimed.

I pulled away a little, sniffling, “No, no. It’s not G’s fault. I just- This is too much. This is so much. I just- I love you guys so much!” I hugged Gerard tightly once again and Mikey laughed.

“Okay, Baby Way, I think I deserve a hug too.”

I pulled away from his brother then and flung my arms around Mikeyway, “Thank you so much!” I sobbed. I wasn’t really sure what else to do.

Frank chuckled, “She’s adorable.” He clapped his hands together, “Okay, kid, let’s open presents!”

I moved away from Mikey, frowning, “Presents?” 

As soon as I was free from anyone else’s embrace, Lois dived on me, jumping excitedly around me and trying her best to lick my face as I crouched down next to her. 

“Well obviously,” Gerard laughed, “We did more than just this cake. Although it was all a little last minute, so it’s not too great but we did our best.”

“I got you out of the house for more than one reason today, kid,” Frank winked. He carried the cake through to the kitchen and Gerard followed after him in that way of his - as if he wasn’t even aware of what he was doing, as if they moved simply as one.

Mikey helped me up and he, Lois and I all made our way into the kitchen too.

Frank had set the cake on the island next to a small pile of hastily wrapped packages and a couple of envelopes. I beamed, feeling my eyes well up with tears once again.

“This is… too much,” I gasped.

Mikey rolled his eyes and gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze, “It really isn’t. Go ahead and open them already.”

As he spoke, Frank was muttering to Gerard and gesturing to the little pile. Gerard had a small grin toying on his lips.

I stepped forward and tentatively reached for one of the gifts. 

+++

I craned my neck in an attempt to locate my brother. It was getting dark. It was fucking late. I didn’t want to be out anymore. I wanted to be in the bus, possibly in bed, definitely with Pete and my band and people I fucking knew, instead of being in the middle of a dwindling crowd of fans and strangers. There was no sign of my brother, no sign of my friends, no sign of my… Pete.

And Gerard had the fucking plush.

I glanced around again, looking for something I could recognise. 

But nothing.

Those assholes better not have left without me… 

“Mikey!” Someone yelled, and I had to suppress a groan. I was not in the mood.

I was pleasantly surprised when I turned and saw Buddy and Dan from Senses Fail making their way through the crowd. I stretched my neck to try spot my brother or Pete but it was to no avail. 

I couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt then as I made my way over to our old friends. We’d toured with them only a year before, they’d been good to us. And we’d always gotten along well with them all. And yet this summer, this tour, I was so wrapped up in Pete that I honestly didn’t even really speak to them much.

Fuck, I was heartless. A fucking asshole, clearly.

But seriously, where the hell was Pete?

We’d gone to Fall Out Boy’s bus after I got off stage and remained there until Pete had to go onstage. And then we’d made our way to my bus, only to be met halfway by my band and told about the free food in this lot and so we’d made our way there. Pete had kissed my cheek and ran off to get Patrick. And I had handed Gerard our plush while I went to pee and now I couldn’t find anyone. Just my fucking luck. 

“Hey!” I offered a smile to the guys who approached me, “How’ve you been?”

Buddy pulled me into a hug, “Good, good. Long time no see, man! Where’s your brother? How’s he doing?”

I winced a little at the memory of just how bad my brother had been the previous year, when we’d been on Warped with Senses Fail. Gerard had been a mess. I didn’t like thinking about it.

“He’s better. He’s- He’s doing good. He’s around here somewhere, but, uh- Have you seen Pete?”

“Pete?” Dan frowned, “Who?”

“Wentz,” I explained, “Pete Wentz. Um… Fall Out Boy.”

Buddy laughed, “I don’t know the guy, I haven’t seen him, pal. Come on, I’ll get you a drink.”

+++

I stared at the envelope in bewilderment. It made absolutely no sense.

“Gerard, what the fuck?” I choked.

Mikey laughed. Frank sniggered, actually fucking sniggered. What an asshole.

Gerard chuckled a little, “None of it’s official yet, obviously. These are just the forms.”

“I can see that. But… what the fuck? This- This is- Is this a joke? It’s a joke, right?”

“I warned him it wasn’t a good idea,” Frank offered smugly. Mikey nudged him.

“This isn’t a joke? This is- You’re serious? You’re- G, we had this conversation. We- I don’t need this. I’m not a charity case.”

He looked appalled, “I never suggested you were. I just- Nell, kid, come on. I love you, you know that. I don’t see why this is such a bad idea.”

“You barely know me!” I exclaimed, “We’ve only- God, Gerard, you don’t know that you’ll even still be in contact with me in a year, nevermind  _ this _ !”

“I do!” His voice rose with mine, “Nell, you’re my kid! That’s not gonna-”

“ _ A kid _ ,” I corrected, “I’m a kid. A fucked up, vulnerable kid who doesn’t deserve this.”

Mikey put his hand on my shoulder, “Nellie, come on, you’re like family. You are family. This is just- Frank, help me out here.”

Frank grinned, “It wasn’t a good idea for him to ambush you with it like this but it is a good idea. Come on, Nellie, what’s there to lose? He loves you, Mikey loves you, I love you, you love all of us. And you’re Baby Way, so why not make it official? And can we please have some cake now?”

+++

Pete was on the couch with his laptop on his knee and he glanced up at me when I walked in, offering a small smile. 

“Where is everyone?” I asked, flopping down next to him.

He reached across to squeeze my hand, “Frank and G are giggling in their bunk. Ray is in the back. Cortez is sleeping. That’s all I know,” He shrugged and looked back to his laptop.

“I can’t believe you left me to steal my internet connection,” I scoffed.

He gaped, “I did not! Dude, you disappeared. We thought you might be here. And we knew you’d make it back here eventually anyway. Speaking of which, you should let Gerard know that you’re alive.”

I rolled my eyes and yelled, “G, I’m not dead!”

“Good for you!” Frank called back.

Pete shut his laptop and shifted closer, “I missed you, dumbass. Where were you?”

“I ran into a few guys I know,” I shrugged, “I was trying to find you, dickwad.”

He scoffed, “You’re the one who walked off.”

I kissed him softly, “Yeah, yeah, whatever. I’m here now.”

“No PDA in the communal area!” Gerard bellowed as he and Frank appeared. Hand in hand as usual, as if that wasn’t PDA. Idiots.

Pete pulled away slightly, just enough to flip them off.

Frank was grinning from ear to ear. Gerard was beaming. The two of them were practically glowing with happiness.

I rolled my eyes, “Why the fuck are you two so fucking happy?”

Pete swatted at me, “Let them be happy.”

“I’m not saying they can’t be, I just-”

Frank flicked a coffee cup lid at me, “Don’t be an asshole.”

I threw it back at him, but I had terrible aim and ended up hitting my brother in the head with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so here goes our weekly newsletter of sorts...  
> The fucking makeup, need I say more? I'm not sure if I'd mentioned it before but Revenge is literally my favourite album and so the makeup was literally a fucking dream come true for me. But alas, things did not work out and I couldn't get the palette, it sold out :( I got the eyeliner though! I'm very excited to wear My Chem eyeliner. I can't believe I'm that fucking emo.  
> I feel like it's been a pretty long week honestly. I haven't really done much but it's just been long.   
> In other news, I got a date for my next tattoo. My friend and I are getting a little tribute to our song together and we were meant to be getting it in November but then we had to go back into lockdown and so the date had to be changed. But now we're getting it on the 23rd and I'm so excited! And then on the 30th I'm getting another one, it's going to be a Revenge one and I cannot wait.  
> I've been a little all over the place with everything recently, but I suppose that's just what happens around this time of year. I'm just waiting for it to be break from college so I can just relax a little. There's just so much happening at this time of year and then I have a deadline to meet in February so I can get into the college I want to go to - I'm currently just doing a year long course - and that's super stressful. But hey, I'll sort it out.   
> I'm getting dressed up to stay in tonight, which is fun. It's my best friend's birthday and we're in a bubble together so her and I are going to get way too dressed up to sit in and have a drink. And I cannot wait.  
> So back to the story... I'll be updating next week then there will be a week without an update and I will update again on the first of January. I'll just be taking a break for the week of Christmas. And then back to the normal schedule. This is partially due to the fact that I will most likely be busy with family things over the holidays and also due to the fact that I only have nineteen chapters written and I don't want to fall behind with this. I have other scenes written also, like the way I wrote the modern scenes from this back in September and only wrote the other scenes in about November. I have quite a few forward chapters but only a couple more left in accordance with this part of the timeline so I want to take some time to catch up on some writing, because I really don't wanna fall behind on these updates.  
> Okay, I think that's about it for me for this week. Feel free to comment and let me know what you thought of the chapter. As always, I hope you enjoyed it. I hope everyone is doing well, I know this is a stressful time of year so I just want to let everyone know that I'm always here for you all.  
> I hope you all liked this chapter, let me know what you thought. I'll see y'all next week.  
> Stay safe and stay spooky xo.


	18. Frank

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick disclaimer before the chapter: I do not mean any offense to Lindsey Way. There is a reason why her name isn't actually mentioned and that's because I didn't want to even write this character as her. I love Lindsey (quick lil fun fact - she was actually my first girl crush and the reason I began to question my sexuality when I was 14), and I don't want it to seem like I'm showing anything other than love and respect for her.  
> Also, a quick trigger warning for alcoholism and I'd like to just emphasize that this is purely fictional.  
> Okay, enjoy the chapter!

Frank and Gerard weren’t talking. I don’t know what had happened between them but they went from being closer than ever the night of my birthday to ignoring each other the next morning. 

And to make things even worse Mikey wouldn’t get out of bed.

My birthday had been perfect. Everyone had been happy and it had been an incredible evening. I’d never received so many wonderful gifts in my entire life, although Frank claimed they were subpar. I loved them all. Even Gerard’s strange gift of papers, I didn’t know how to feel about them but I loved the thought. I also refused to accept them. It was too fucking weird and I decided I needed some time to think about it. But I hadn’t refused, simply asked for a little bit of time to consider it. Although really, there wasn’t much to consider. There was no refusing it when I thought about it, which was a little strange to think about. But everything else was extraordinary.

And then… nothing.

Everything had been beyond great the entire time we’d been there and then all of a sudden it just changed.

Gerard sat on the porch in the back yard to smoke and Lois ran around outside with him. Frank busied himself making eggs and coffee and pretending nothing was wrong.

I decided they could deal with whatever was going on themselves - or I’d deal with it later - because I’d rather make sure Mikey was okay.

I knew today was going to be tough for him, today had a lot of meaning for him and Pete. And given everything that he had been rehashing the past few weeks, it was bound to hurt more than ever. 

To make matters worse, the fucking song had been stuck in my head all morning and I just knew that it would be such a dickhead move of me to like hum it or whatever but I couldn’t fucking help it. Stupid Pete Wentz.

“Should I bring him some coffee?” I asked Frank, my hand hovering over a mug.

He grunted, “Which one?” He stretched across to grab four plates.

I sighed, “Mikeyway. Gerard will be in soon, he’ll get some if he wants it. But Mikey…”

Frank nodded, “Yeah he’s in for a rough day. You can bring him up some eggs too. You get the coffee, I’ll get the food.”

He had a little breakfast bed tray - which I had to climb onto the counter to reach - and I strategically balanced the plate and a mug of coffee on it, then carefully made my way upstairs. For once, I was thankful not to have Lois trailing along after me.

“Mikey? Can I come in?” I tapped my foot against his door a couple times. He grunted in response, which I took as a yes and carefully nudged the door open with my elbow and leg. I was unbelievably grateful that no one was there to see my struggle and stupidly lucky that I didn’t spill anything.

Mikey was still in bed, with the blanket pulled high around him and his phone in his hand. He looked a little startled when he saw me.

“I brought breakfast,” I approached the bed and he made room for me to place the tray down.

“You didn’t have to do that, Nellie,” He relaxed a little as he took a gulp of the coffee.

I shrugged, “I wanted to. I guessed you’d be feeling a bit… you know. Any chance I can persuade you out of bed?”

He smiled, “I don’t really feel like it. I kind of want to spend the day in bed and…  _ I can’t stop feeling sorry for myself _ , you know? I’m sorry, Nellie, I don’t wanna be rude.”

I shook my head, “You’re far from rude. It’s okay. Just let me know if you need anything, okay?”

Gerard was still outside when I made my way back downstairs.

I glanced between him and Frank, “What the hell happened with you two?”

Frank rolled his eyes, “Oh please don’t start.”

“So something did happen…”

“No,” He turned red. 

“Frank, you can tell me.”

He sighed, “Look, I-”

Gerard opened the door then and offered me a small smile, “Hey kid. Happy Fourth of July.”

I returned it, “Happy Fourth G.”

Lois bounded over to me and jumped up for a rub.

Frank suddenly became very interested in his coffee cup.

“I was just on the phone with my mom. I think- I was thinking of spending the day with her. Maybe even the night and coming back tomorrow evening. She hasn’t seen me and Mikes in a bit so I thought it might be a nice idea to spend the day with her. It might get Mikey out of his rut too, you know?”

I nodded, “Yeah, totally. Does she know about me being here?”

“Not quite,” He scratched the back of his neck, “I didn’t think it was a good idea to tell her she was gonna become a grandma to a nineteen year old over the phone.”

“Presumptuous of you-” I started.

“So you’re gonna ambush her with Nell?” Frank put in with a scoff.

It was hard to miss the glare Gerard shot his way, “Well I don’t really have a choice. I’m not going to leave Nell on her own.”

“She’s with me, she’s fine.”

I agreed, “I’m okay with Frank if you and Mikey go visit your mom. Seriously. I don’t want to impose.”

“You wouldn’t be imposing.”

I laughed, “Just go see your mom. It might perk Mikeyway up a bit. I’ll be fine.”

“Gerard, I’ll look after the kid,” Frank’s tone softened a little.

I rolled my eyes, “I’m nineteen, I don’t really need to be looked after.”

It took quite some convincing but eventually Mikeyway and Gerard were on their way to go to their mom’s. Mikey had to practically be dragged out of bed and then they both pretty much had to be pushed out the door.

“You know you can call me if you need anything at all, okay?” Gerard reminded me as he hugged me goodbye. Again.

“I’ll be okay,  _ Dad _ ,” I teased.

“I know you’re kidding, but that means a lot,” He grinned, “I’m gonna tell my mom about you and she’s definitely gonna want to meet you.”

“I want to meet her.”

“She’s not a typical grandma type, to be honest, but you’ll like her.”

Mikey ruffled my hair, “See you tomorrow, kiddo.” He looked a little slumped, but I was glad to see him out of bed.

Lois and I stood on the porch and watched them drive away. Frank chose to stay inside and I just knew that it was because of whatever had happened the night before.

I waited until the car was out of sight before beckoning Lois back inside. We wandered down to the basement and I found Frank sitting on a stool strumming on a guitar. 

“They’ve left,” I informed him and he nodded. I rolled my eyes, “What happened?”

“Nothing happened,” He insisted.

I scoffed and repeated his words from the previous day, “You do realise that bullshit like that won’t work with me, right? Tell me what’s up before I get worried.”

He chuckled, “You’re such a shithead, Baby Way.”

“Frank, man, come on. You’ve told me so much already. Why keep secrets now? What happened?”

He sighed, “Nothing, I guess. It just- Fuck.” He put the guitar down, “Okay. Sit down. Do you have your recorder thingy?”

“Oh shit, we’re- I thought we were just bonding. We’re- Why are you laughing?”

“Of course we’re bonding, kid, but I thought you wanted to write your lil book,” He cackled, “I think this might be relevant to your story though.”

+++

Nell was falling asleep on the couch. She-

+++

I cut him off almost instantly, “Ew, I don’t wanna hear about myself!”

“It’s a part of the story, Nell,” He said exasperatedly.

“It’s  _ weird _ .”

He rolled his eyes, “You’re weird.”

+++

She had headed off to bed shortly after Mikeyway and Lois had trotted up with her. I was only mildly offended by my dog’s decision to sleep in Nell’s room.

It was late. Everyone was tired. It had been a long day, a long night, but a good one nonetheless.

Actually, come to think of it, it had been one of the best I’d had in a long time. It was funny how easily things had just fallen into place.

I couldn’t help but wonder if this was a glimpse into what life could have been, if things had only been different all those years ago. 

I glanced at Gerard and decided to voice my thoughts, “Do you think this is what could have been?”

We could have been happy. We would have had this blissful little domestic life that we were catching a glimpse of now. We might have had a kid - maybe not Nell though, which would have been regrettable. But we would have had our own family, our own home, our own dog.

Gerard gave me a small smile, “What do you mean?”

I shrugged, “You know, us. If you and I had worked out, maybe this would be our life now.”

His face fell a little, “What?”

I rushed to explain myself, “Living together and having our little family and domestic life, monogamy, you know?”

“This wasn’t the life you wanted though, Frankie.”

I was taken aback instantly, caught up in a lie I’d weaved over ten years before. 

A called off engagement. A torn apart relationship. It was a necessary lie. It had been needed to spare Gerard’s feelings when he’d been so upset over calling off the engagement so close to our planned wedding. Telling him that this life wasn’t what I wanted, that a domestic life wasn’t for me had broken my heart but it had needed to be done.

And so the anger that I’d felt all those years ago rushed right back through me. “You really believed that bullshit? Of course I wanted this life.”

“How the fuck was it bullshit?” His voice rose slightly, a hint of panic obvious within it, “How was I meant to know? You never- You said- Frank you said-”

“I know what I said!” I found myself yelling, “But you know how I feel- I mean, I felt. Baby, this was all I ever wanted.”

He tugged at his hair, “Don’t- Frank, don’t call me that. It’s been  _ years _ . You don’t get to do this.”

“Do what?” I gaped.

He shook his head, “ _ This _ . You can’t say that. We moved on. We moved past that. You don’t get to throw what ifs at me now.”

“Oh  _ I  _ don’t get to throw what ifs? Fucking me? Because it was my fault? Because I’m the one who freaked? Even though-”

“Frank stop,” He cut me off, covering his face with his hands as he spoke, “Don’t- Don’t do this, okay? Just fucking don’t, man. It’s been a long day. You’re gonna-”

But I’d started, the floodgates had opened, and I couldn’t stop. “I loved you more than anything. I wanted to marry you. I wanted birthdays with our kid. I wanted a dog together. I wanted nights on the couch and a family. I wanted a dumb fucking domestic married life with the man I loved. I was thrown aside. I was treated like shit. I was rejected and belittled by the love of my fucking life. I was abandoned. Don’t you fucking-”

“I shouldn’t have come here,” He stood abruptly, cutting me off mid-rant, “I’m- This is too much. We’ve moved past all of this. All this has done is drag up shit from the past. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come here.” 

And then he did what he does best, turned and walked away from me, from us.

+++

“Fuck,” I muttered when it became apparent that there was nothing more to be said.

“Yep,” Frank nodded, “So he’s not talking to me now. And I wouldn’t be surprised if he never speaks to me again.”

“You didn’t say anything that bad though.”

He shook his head, “That’s not the point, kiddo.”

I wasn’t quite sure what the point was. And it didn’t seem that I’d find out.

“You wanna get drunk?” He asked with a slight smirk.

I scoffed, “What?”

“It’s the Fourth of July,” He explained, “We’re gonna get drunk on beers and eat shitty food and we gotta go buy all that shit so go get dressed and let’s go.”

Our cart was filled with too much junk food and a large crate of beer.

And we were walking around the store trying to get shit for a makeshift Fourth of July party on the Fourth of July. Maybe that wasn’t the best idea on our part, but it was still fun.

“How can there be no marshmallows?” Frank grumbled as he stretched up to look onto the top shelf. I tried to scoot the cart closer to him, but failed miserably resulting in merely sending it spinning across the aisle with me in it. I squeaked a little. Frank sighed and turned to look at me, “What the hell are you doing?”

“Looking for marshmallows?” I tried with a nervous giggle. I shifted slightly and the cart began to roll again.

He caught the cart and rolled his eyes, “There’s no marshmallows in this store, Baby Way. We’ll have to stop off elsewhere. Let’s get some treats for Lo, then we can go.”

“We should get some vodka,” I suggested.

“Why the fuck would we get vodka?” He scoffed, “Fourth of July is a beer drinking holiday.”

I rolled my eyes, “I think you’ve lost the concept of Independence Day.” 

“Nonsense, the whole concept has been lost on absolutely everyone.” 

I couldn’t help but laugh.

He pushed me through the store in the cart and when we reached the dog food section he piled a load of treats for Lois into the cart with me. A woman standing in the aisle next to us shot us a disgusted look. I was mildly offended, whereas Frank offered her his brightest smile.

“Happy Fourth,” He grinned as she continued to glare at us. 

Okay, come to think of it, I couldn’t really blame her. We did look like a bit of an odd pair I suppose. A teenage girl in shorts and a Captain America tank top sitting in a cart full of alcohol and junk food being pushed around by a grown man covered in tattoos in Dad shorts and an old punk band shirt. Yeah, definitely an odd pair.

We spent the evening on the porch in the backyard drinking beer and eating the snacks we’d bought. Frank ordered a pizza at one point later on in the night, which we also ate, but other than that we barely moved. 

We just  _ talked _ .

Frank shared stories and memories with me, all of which he told me could be relevant to the story at some point but that wasn’t what was on my mind. I was more interested in simply enjoying talking to him.

And I talked too. I told him about my childhood, about different places I’d been and horrors I’d lived through. I confided in him in a way I’d never done with anyone before. I even admitted that it was their music that had gotten me through some of my toughest times.

And then Frank asked something I’d been dreading.

“So what’s your plan when you get back to LA?” 

I cringed. The thought of leaving New Jersey, leaving this little bubble we’d created was just sickening. So I took a sip of my beer and busied myself with that before answering. I shrugged, “I don’t really know, I haven’t thought that far. Honestly, I just- I don’t know if I want to go back to LA. I’m just- I’m happier here than I’ve ever been. This feels more like home.” I realised how ungrateful I probably sounded towards Gerard then, and I rushed to amend my statement, “Not that I wasn’t happy there, I was of course. But I was only staying with Gerard a little while. I’ve actually been here longer.”

He shrugged, a small smile playing on his lips as he took a gulp of his drink, “So stay here then. Lois and I enjoy the company. Why do you have to go back to LA?”

“It feels like a family here, you know?”

His smile turned sad almost instantly, “I don’t think I can save that, Nellie.”

I sighed, because I knew he was right. This perfect little family that we’d found was slipping from between my fingers and there was nothing I could do to save it.

Frank offered me another beer and then he frowned, “Stop looking so sad.”

“I’m not sad,” I insisted, “I just don’t understand all of this. The two of you were so in love, and- How can you even be around him anymore? Does it not hurt?”

“Of course it hurts. But- Look, Nellie, I got used to it years ago. The band would have fucking crumbled if I didn’t.” 

I groaned, “I don’t understand that either. Gerard told me that you guys were still together until 2007 and-”

“Together?” Frank scoffed, “I’d use that term very fucking lightly.” He began patting his pockets, looking for his cigarettes, “Okay, let me try to straighten things up a little here. What has G told you about after 2005?”

“Literally nothing. He wanted to tell me everything in order, I guess.”

“Fantastic,” He commented dryly, “Well, I don’t give a shit about the order of the story. Okay, then kiddo. I guess you’re in for a treat. So you don’t know what happened in 2007 then, huh?”

I shrugged, “Other than fan theories and stuff, I’m pretty much clueless.”

“Well then I guess we’ll begin at the end…”

+++

Kissing Gerard was always incredible. There was something about it that was just so different to any other kiss I’d ever experienced. 

But kissing him on stage was insane. It was crazy to know that there was a whole audience who could feel just how electric it was between us. And pissing off the assholes was an added bonus.

It was strange though. After the summer of 2005, the relationship between Gerard and I had changed. We were no longer in a relationship, there was no longer a future. 

But that hadn’t stopped us from stealing those perfect kisses and enjoying each other’s company from time to time. It didn’t stop us from sometimes forgetting about the lack of a relationship and just pretending we were each other's for a little while, pretending there was a future for us.

That summer was different though. He was all over me, and I fucking loved it.

“Mikey isn’t here so the two of you have gone fucking wild,” Ray laughed.

Gerard and I were lying together on the sofa, cuddled against each other and he had fallen asleep with his head on my shoulder. His dark hair fell around his face and he looked so beautiful it fucking hurt.

“He does this all the time,” I rolled my eyes. It wasn’t exactly a lie. 

“Not like this,” Ray sighed. He kept his voice low, “Look, Frank, I know you’re happy but you do realise that he’s going around with a girl like all the time, right?”

I did realise, but I could justify it. She was in one of the other bands and she had a crush on him. She seemed pretty cool too, so the two of them hanging out wasn’t much of a bother to me. 

“They’re just friends, Toro,” I shrugged, and G stirred a little.

“I’m not trying to pick a fight, Frankie. I just don’t want either of you to get hurt again. Those pieces were hard to pick up, you know?”

_ Stage gay _ . Everyone was calling it that, as if kissing Gerard on stage was a part of some elaborate stage act or something, as if it wasn’t simply because I couldn’t keep my hands off the guy.

“I don’t know why you’re getting so worked up about it,” Gerard scoffed and then, as if to sweeten me up, offered me a cigarette.

I stopped pacing momentarily to accept it, “I’m not getting worked up, I just think it’s dumb.”

“Why does it matter?” He didn’t look up from his drawing.

“ _ It doesn’t _ ,” I insisted, even though it really did. And it was bothering me even more that he wasn’t at all bothered by it. 

He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards him, “Stop letting it upset you,” He stretched up to give a quick kiss. And hey, it didn’t solve anything but it sure was nice.

+++

“That doesn’t sound all that different from 2005,” I pointed out, “Just that this time around you didn’t tell anyone.”

“And we weren’t planning on taking things further.”

I rolled my eyes, “Well yeah. There was no wedding planned but what was the deal with the girl? He was with her too? I’m confused.”

“I never said that.”

I frowned, “Oh so he wasn’t with her? But you said-”

“No, I never said anything about weddings.”

“Wait, excuse me? What?”

+++

Marrying her? He was fucking marrying her? 

You’ve got to be kidding me.

I felt like I was going to throw up.

He was sticking his tongue down my throat every chance he got the past couple weeks, and all the while he was planning on marrying her.

“Frankie!” She was there, following behind me, in my fucking face. She followed after me. He fucking let me go, he didn’t even try to follow me.. I wasn’t annoyed at her, she hadn’t done anything wrong. But she was the last person I wanted to talk to at that moment.

“Wait up!” She brushed her hand across my arm and I stopped and turned to look at her. 

Of course he was marrying her.

She was beautiful and sweet and a killer musician. She was pretty great.

But she was a girl. And he was fucking gay.

“Frankie, hey,” She laughed, “I thought I’d never catch up to you! You don’t mind me calling you Frankie, right? I’m not trying to overstep my mark, it’s just rubbing off on me, I guess. Gee calls you that all the time.”

Overstep her mark? 

She was going to marry the love of my fucking life. I think that’s overstepping the mark just a little bit. Calling me Frankie was fucking nothing compared to that.

“S’fine,” I muttered and stared at the floor to try stop myself from glaring at her.  _ She didn’t do anything wrong _ , I reminded myself. I couldn’t blame her, it wasn’t her fault. Of course she would fall for Gerard, he was extraordinary. He was the most amazing, most loveable person I’d ever met. Of course she’d fall in love with him. I did too.

“Are you okay, sweetie?” She touched my arm again, “You look a little pale.” She began to rub a soothing circle into my arm, reminding me of my mom. Except my mom never tried to steal the only person I would ever love from me.

I shook my head, hoping she would drop her hand, “M’fine.”

It didn’t convince her and she kept rubbing my arm, “Are you sure? Can I get you some water or something?” 

I needed to use more words. I needed to actually look at her.

“No, really I’m fine,” I glanced up.

And she smiled. She fucking smiled and my heart shattered. All I could see was him.

I knew they were together. They were a tour fling and I could deal with that because she might have gotten to go around with Gerard on her arm, but I was the one who he crawled in beside at night. I was the one who he stole kisses with behind buses and whatever hidden areas we could find. I was the one who he’d still be with in a few weeks time. Me. That was all me. Me, not her.

And then I rounded a corner and found them hidden behind a bus. She was in his arms and they were kissing. Kissing kissing kissing. He was kissing her right in front of me, holding her the way he should have been holding me.

And she was smiling at him when they pulled apart, running her fingers through his hair the way I knew he loved. Her, not me.

And I was just frozen. I couldn’t even remember what I had been doing before that. I couldn’t move, couldn’t breath. I could barely even think.

“I can’t wait for this fucking tour to be over,” He was muttering against her mouth in that dumb way he always did. The guy never fucking shut up, even when he was kissing someone. I loved it when he did that to me. It was dumb and adorable and hot as fuck - depending what he was saying. I loved it when he did that to me, when I could feel his words against my lips and I knew he only cared about me in those moments.

But it fucking shattered my whole being to see him doing it to her.

“And then we’ll be married,” She laughed her beautiful laugh full of stupid joy and shitty bliss and fucking happiness. And she smiled her fucking breathtakingly pretty, stupid smile.

“Only twelve d-” He started but I was fucking choking. 

Married? They were going to get married? 

I was a dumbass, I always fucking had been. And I had actually stopped breathing for a moment there. I think I forgot how.

And then I stood there, coughing and choking and gasping.

“Frankie?” The shock was clear in Gerard’s tone. When I met his eyes, they were wide and full of some emotion I had never seen in them before. He reached out for me, “Frank, are you okay?” He still had one arm wrapped around her waist. 

Even though there was already quite an amount of distance between us, I flinched away from him. “Don’t you fucking touch me! Don’t you fucking dare!” I stumbled away, trying to convince my body to run.

He dropped his hand and his face went completely blank. The beautiful girl looked scared, and her breathtaking smile was gone. 

But now it was right in my fucking face. 

She had followed me. She had wanted to make sure I was okay. Not him. He didn’t fucking care.

“I really hope you’re okay.” She didn’t exactly make it easy for me to hate her. “You seemed really freaked out, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t sweat it. M’sorry for ruining the moment or whatever.” I just wanted her to get the hell away from me so I could go find somewhere to cry until we had to go play. I wished Mikey was here. He’d know what to do.

But instead he was running off on a stupid fucking honeymoon or whatever with fucking Alicia.

What was up with the stupid fucking Ways thinking marrying women was the answer to all their fucking problems? 

And I think I’m the dumbass…

She was still talking and it took me a long moment to register her words.

“-to keep it to ourselves for now, you know? We’re waiting for the right moment.”

“So what are you gonna elope?” Yeah, good luck to her on that one. Gerard had a great fucking history with that. He was all talk, all promises and ideas of a perfect life, but he didn’t fucking follow through. Hence keeping it quiet.

She blushed, “Maybe? Sort of? I don’t really know to be honest, Frankie. We just don’t want to broadcast it.”

“Right,” I shrugged, “I won’t tell anyone, you have my word.” Anything to get her to fuck off.

I didn’t see Gerard until we went on stage that night. And even at that he didn’t speak to me.

He was angry at me. I was angry at him.

And Ray was fucking confused.

“Is everything alright, dude?” He asked me as we headed for the stage.

I shrugged, “Sure thing, pal.”  _ Fucking far from it _ .

I kept thinking the whole scene over in my head as I bounced around the stage. The  _ She loves you _ sign around the drum kit seemed to serve only to taunt me and make me think of the pair kissing. 

Did she love him? 

Did he love her?

They must have loved each other if they were planning to marry, right?

_ End of tour… Twelve days…  _ He was going to marry her on the last day of tour. And then I’d lose him forever. Thinking about it, it felt like I’d already lost him.

He was planning on marrying her on the last day of tour, just like he had done with me. He was stealing all of our plans and rewriting them to fit her into the narrative.

How had he proposed to her? Was it something like the way he’d done it with me? Had he crawled into my bunk the night after proposing? Had he kissed me and held me when he still had the taste of her on his lips? The whole summer it had all been an act, it had all been for show, hadn’t it? Behind it all, behind even our most intimate moments, he had been intending on marrying someone else.

I was too lost in thought to realise how fucking furious Gee was sounding as he sang. I was too caught up with everything going on in my head that I was kind of just going on automatic, I wasn’t even fully aware of what was going on around me.

I had climbed up on the speaker in front of Gerard, like I’d done countless times before, and before I had even fully registered where I was standing or what I was doing, I was losing my balance.

And so I grabbed onto him, just like I had done countless amounts of times before when I’d fallen off of amps, speakers, drumkits. If Gerard was close enough, he always tried to catch me.

But he was shoving me away as we stumbled back, wrestling against me. I didn’t understand what he was doing, what was wrong, so I tried to keep my arms around him. But that only caused him to push me harder.

“Gerard!” I yelled, because I wasn’t sure what else to do. He was still shoving at me. He looked angry, he was fucking pissed, and I was almost certain I could smell booze off of him. But he was still pushing at me. I tried to grab onto him, tried to stop his hands but the more I struggled, the harder he pushed. I knew that it only lasted a few seconds, no more than twenty, but it seemed to stretch on in my mind. 

The look on his face as he pushed me, the way he almost snarled, the hate he seemed to have towards me… I knew instantly that it would be burnt into my memory for the rest of my life.

Before I knew it I was on the floor, rolling away from him as he kicked at a mic stand, cursing.

He stormed across the stage and I struggled to my feet.

Then he yelled, “Fuck you, asshole!” And he threw something in my direction. It missed, of course it fucking missed, the guy couldn’t fucking throw to save his life.

I turned away, not wanting to see him storming angrily across the stage.

Once again, I wished Mikey was there.

Ray came straight to me after we finished our set and at first I thought he was going to scold me, but instead he checked if I was okay. And he shot a very obvious glare Gerard’s way. I had been expecting him to think I’d tackled Gerard and to tell me off for doing it, but he knew better. And he was concerned about me.

“You sure you’re good?” Ray double checked as I limped after Gerard. 

I fucking needed to talk to him.

“Healthy as a horse, my dude,” I reassured him. Okay so maybe I twisted my ankle. But I’d survive. I just needed Gerard. “G!” I gasped out and reached for him.

As soon as I touched him, he was shoving me again, this time pinning me against the wall. In a way, it brought back fond memories. There was still a furious glare painted on his face as he got right into my face and yelled, “You stay the fuck away from me, Iero!” 

It confirmed my fears.

There was a definite smell of booze off of his breath.

Before I could speak Ray was pulling him off of me, holding his arms behind his back. 

He had been drinking.

Fuck.

I really needed Mikey.

“G,” I ignored Ray telling me to back off and stepped back over to him, cupping his face and breathing him in yet again. There was no denying it. I could feel tears well up in my eyes, “You fucking idiot,” I pushed away from him, “You stupid asshole!” I shoved at his chest, pounding my fists against it, “You’re drinking again? Really? After everything? You’re gonna fucking put me- You’re gonna put the band through this again? Put Mikey through this?” I stepped back, shaking my head, “I don’t need to wait twelve days, I’ve lost you already.”

I turned away from him then and started to limp away. I needed to get away. I needed to call Mikey. 

Screw his honeymoon. Screw that bullshit. He needed to know what was happening with G.

Ray let Gerard go then, and he slumped onto the ground with a strangled sob. That was enough to halt me.

“Frank,” Ray’s hand was on my shoulder and I could hear the concern in his voice. “Are you okay? You’re limping. Where are you going?”

“I need to, uh- I need to make a- Fuck.” 

I started back towards Gerard, intent on pulling him up and kissing him and telling him I’d help him get better. I’d fix him, I’d fix everything. 

But then she was there, rushing over to her sobbing  _ fiance _ and probably wondering why his friends weren’t helping him.

“Gerard, honey, what happened? Are you okay?” She loved him, it was so fucking obvious.

He didn’t fucking deserve her.

“I need to go make a phone call,” I muttered to Ray before limping away. I headed for the bus, knowing that it would be empty and I could curl up in my bunk undisturbed.

As soon as I was alone, I fished my phone out of my pocket and dialled Mikey’s number, standing by the kitchenette as I waited for him to pick up.

It rang out the first time so I tried again.

“Frank?” He grumbled when he finally answered.

“Dude, fuck, you gotta answer the phone.”

“What’s going on, Frankie?” He sighed, seemingly ignoring how snide I sounded.

“Why’s he calling?” I could hear Alicia mutter in the background, “Tell him to fuck off.” Fucking bitch. She’s the one who needed to fuck off. 

I told Mikey as much.

He sighed again, “Just- Hang on, Frank. Give me a minute.” I could hear shuffling on the other end of the line and then Mikey cleared his throat, “Are you okay?”

I started to cry. I didn’t fucking mean to but the tears just started falling. 

“He’s fucking drinking again, Mikes,” I whispered. “He’s drinking and he’s- He fucking went for me, man.” I made the mistake of shifting my weight onto my ankle and a sharp jolt of pain shot through me.

“What? No, no. No fucking way,” Mikey’s voice cracked, “No, he wouldn’t be so dumb. And what do you mean? How- How did he go for you? What?”

“People relapse all the fucking time, Mikes. He fucking- Ow, I think he sprained my fucking ankle.”

“He- Wait, what? Did the two of you get in a fight?”

I sighed, “He shoved me across the stage. I’ll be fine.”

“You said your ankle was sprained?”

“I’ve had worse.” I tucked the phone between my ear and shoulder and bent to look in the refrigerator for ice. “That doesn’t matter though. He’s drinking.”

“How do you know?”

“I could fucking smell it off him.” I couldn’t find any ice so I gave up and headed for my bunk.

“Fuck. Shit. Fuck!” Mikey yelled. “What the fuck do we do?”

“You need to get here. Like right now.” I got into my bunk, carefully pulling my shoes off.

“What? Frank, I- I’m on my honeymoon. I can’t just leave. I don’t- I’m on my honeymoon.”

“This is Gerard we’re talking about!” I snapped, “Don’t fucking try to tell me that your rebound from Pete is more important than Gerard.”

He sucked in a sharp breath at that. I knew it wasn’t because I had suggested that he was putting his  _ wife _ before Gerard, or the fact that she was a rebound - which she was, I remember how they got together and the way he was, I just don’t know why he married her. But his shock, his hurt, wasn’t over that. 

It was because I mentioned Pete. He who must not be fucking named.

It was a bitchy move, even for me. I knew how hurt he’d been after Pete - hell, I’d helped to pick up the fucking pieces - but it was the fucking truth and hurtful as it may have been, it needed to be said.

I knew he still hurt over Pete, but right now he needed to just help his brother.

“Where the fuck even are you?” He asked in a much quieter voice.

“We’re in Michigan but we got a show tomorrow in- Fuck I don’t know. I- My head is fucked.  _ He fucking attacked me _ . He’s not himself at all right now. I just really don’t know what the fuck I’m meant to do now.” I pressed my face into the pillow for a moment as I felt another wave of tears.

“How drunk was he? Why did he attack you? I’m so fucking confused. Why is he drinking? Why the fuck is he hurting you?”

I didn’t even want to say it. The words felt like bile in my mouth. “He’s getting married. I found out before the show. He’s gonna marry her at the end of the tour.”

There was a long moment of silence on the other end, and I had to actually check that the call hadn’t been disconnected.

“He’s marrying a woman?” Mikey managed eventually, “My- My very gay brother is marrying a woman?”

“Pot, kettle,” I muttered. Although I never really understood that expression. It made no fucking sense. I was going to add something bitchy, maybe call him a hypocrite or something, but then I decided that I needed him on my side too much to piss him off. Even if I was right.

So instead I pleaded, “You gotta come here, Mikes.”

He sighed, “Yeah, I guess I do. Look, leave it with me, I’ll try to be there in the next few days.”

“Thanks Mikey.”

“Try to keep him out of trouble until then. Are you okay?”

“Sure. I mean, the guy I’m in love with is getting married in less than two weeks, he’s drinking again and he fucking tried to fight me in the middle of a show. But other than that I’m peachy.”

“It was during the show?”

“Like I said, he’s not himself right now.”

“I’m sorry, Frankie.”

I had time to change into my pyjamas and curl up in my bunk with the curtain drawn before anyone else returned to the bus. No one disturbed me. I guess they knew better.

But I woke up later that night to Gerard climbing in next to me. I didn’t say anything at first and neither did he. I just moved over to make room for him and lifted the blankets, allowing him to crawl under and get in beside me. He pulled the curtain shut behind him.

And then we both just lay on the pillow staring at each other for what felt like an eternity, careful not to touch. 

“I’m sorry,” He whispered after some time, “I’m so sorry. Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

“Physically or…?”

“Both, I guess.”

“Twisted ankle,” I sighed, because that was easier than telling him I was heartbroken. It was easier than telling him I was terrified. 

“Fuck. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I- I don’t know what came over me.”

“When?” I let some of the hurt seep into my voice. “When you decided to go after her? The first time you kissed her? The first time you had sex with her? When decided you wanted to have the life with her that we were meant to have? When you proposed? Maybe, hey maybe it was when you said  _ why don’t we do what Frankie and I were gonna do after Warped _ ? Or was it when you started drinking again? When you kept drinking? When you decided to hide it from us all? When you decided it was a good idea to put me, to put Mikey, to put the fucking band through all of this shit again? Or maybe when you decided that you were gonna go full self destruct again? Or was it when you decided to try fight me on fucking stage?”

He had started crying at some point. “I don’t know. I don’t fucking know. I’m just- I’m so sorry, Frank. I’m so fucking sorry.”

I couldn’t just watch him cry. It would kill me completely. I slid my arms around him and shifted ever so slightly so we could curl around each other. 

I cried too, clinging onto him and sobbing into his shoulder. 

I cried for him. I cried for what we had lost. I cried for what should have been and what we could have had. 

And then I kissed him.

Or maybe he kissed me.

It didn’t really matter, either way we were kissing. A sloppy kiss, full of passion and desperation. Full of love. Full of loss.

We kissed until our lips hurt and we were both breathless. And then we held each other. I tucked my head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat like I had been doing for years. 

His heart was beating. He was there, he was alive.

“Are you in love with her?” I asked eventually. I needed to know.

But he was already asleep.

It was nearly a week later, when we were back in New Jersey, that Mikey finally arrived. 

He didn’t look happy and I couldn’t blame him. 

None of us were fucking happy.

“Mikey!” Gerard seemed to cheer up a little at the sight of his brother. He raced over to him and literally flung himself into his arms. 

Mikey only stayed for a day, then he was gone again - apparently he had shit to do and he didn’t plan on sticking around for the last few Projekt Revolution dates. I couldn’t blame him.

But the day he was there we barely saw him or Gerard. We literally only saw them on stage and then they were gone again. I desperately wanted to follow them, wanted to insert myself into whatever was going on, wanted to make sure I was there to help Gerard in whatever way I could.

But I knew I couldn’t do that.

If it had been two years previous, then I would have. I would have been glued to Gerard’s side and Mikey would know better than to try to separate us. 

But that was the past. And things had changed. 

So I had to sit back and let Mikey sort everything out. I couldn’t get involved.

Whatever Mikey did seemed to have worked though. 

Gerard didn’t marry her. 

He called it off and broke the poor girl’s heart.

I actually felt bad for her.

And that night he climbed into my bunk next to me once again.

It was dumb, but I was filled with hope at the sight of him. Even more so when he kissed me.

I thought of the life we were meant to have, of the two boys who were meant to get married in Massachusetts a lifetime ago, how they’d defy the odds and how their love would be all they needed. I thought that maybe we could still have that, even if it was two years late.

But he pulled away too soon and my hope shattered. 

I knew instantly why he was there. 

We lay there for a while, my head on his chest and his arms around me. It was strange. I would have thought I’d cry but I didn’t. It all felt so final, yet neither of us cried.

We loved each other with a love greater than anything I had ever known, anything I would ever know.  _ We loved with a love that was more than love _ . But it wasn’t enough.

We’d dragged it on for years, we’d kept hurting each other.

Neither of us had wanted to finish things but we couldn’t find a way to work together. And now it seemed that our back and forth had finally run its course. 

This was it. This was goodbye. 

He sang to me a little and I was reminded of his twenty-seventh birthday, when we took the van and lay together, much like we were doing now. We had shared my iPod and he had sang along to every song. I had plucked the earphone from my ear so I could listen to him. His voice was something I would never grow tired of. 

I couldn’t help but think of all of the promises we had made to each other. 

I thought of the first My Chem show. I had promised to be by his side through it all.

_ How wrong we were to think that immortality meant never dying _ , huh?

I squeezed closer to him and listened to his heartbeat. 

I thought of the first time I had lay on him like this, when he was high as a kite and I was terrified he was going to overdose. He had been such a mess and I could still hear the fear in Mikey’s voice as he rang me to tell me what was after happening. And I had ran to him, not even bothering to knock when I got to the house. I had never been so scared. I had burst into the kitchen and seen Mikey on the floor next to Gerard, in a pool of his puke and my heart had stopped. I was so scared that he was dead. And then all I wanted to do was hold him close, take care of him, make sure he was okay. I had spent hours just lying there with my head on his chest so I could hear his heartbeat, so I could know that he was still alive.

I thought of when he disappeared, when none of us knew where he was for days on end. I thought of when he finally came home and I was able to curl up with him in bed. I was able to hear his heartbeat. He was there, he was alive.

His heart beat steadily beneath me now.

“Very much alive,” I whispered, feeling sleep start to take over.

Gerard squeezed me closer, still singing softly. “ _ We'll then one day be together, And in the end we'll fall apart, Just like the leaves change in colors, And then I will be with you, I will be there one last time now, When you go Just know that I will remember you, I lost my fear of falling, I will be with you, I will be with you… _ ” 

+++

Frank wiped his cheeks with the back of his hand and there was a long silence before he spoke again. His voice cracked, “So that was it.”

“Oh Frankie…” I wasn’t sure what to say. I didn’t know how to comfort him.

“It’s okay, Baby Way,” He waved his hand dismissively and tried to sound lighthearted, even as he wiped more tears, “It’s all in the past now, you know?”

“That doesn’t mean it doesn’t still hurt.”

He shrugged, “It always hurts. It hurts every goddamn day I wake up and he’s not next to me. It’s never going to stop hurting. But there’s no use dwelling on that.”

We’d given up on my lessons for the day. I was getting better, I guess. Frank was a good teacher. 

After everything he’d told me the night before, playing guitar seemed like a good distraction from it all. But we’d moved on from guitar. Instead, we were sitting on the floor of the basement surrounded by photos. 

Frank told me that these were the ones he hadn’t wanted to take out with the Ways. And it was obvious why. The missing photos of Frank and Gerard were in the box, along with the photos from the summer of 2005. It was understandable why he’d kept these ones hidden from the others.

They were the most amazing selection of photos. I was beyond delighted as we looked through them. It was amazing. 

There was a picture of Frank and Gerard tucked into their bunk. Gerard was asleep and Frank was squinting at the camera, his lips parted as he gave out to whoever was taking the picture. The pictures of Pete and Mikey when they returned from Disneyland that I had only been told about a few days previous were also in the box. Sure enough, they were exactly as Mikey had described them. There was a picture of Ray and Pete in what I presumed to be the back room of My Chem’s bus, both of them looking very serious. Pete had headphones on as Ray stared at his computer screen. Another showed Pete and Frank with blankets wrapped around them like capes while they did dumb poses. 

I giggled and snapped a picture of it, asking Frank before sending it to Pete. 

“So is he doing all this stuff with you too?” Frank raised an eyebrow.

I rolled my eyes, “Not exactly. I met the guy once. He said we’d meet up once I got back to LA but I don’t know what he’s going to do.”

“Pete’s nice. Always thought he was a cool guy. Until, you know…” He trailed off and picked up a random photo, “Here, look at this. John Naclerio’s basement!”

It was a picture of him and Gerard sitting together on the sofa in the aforementioned basement, complete with dreadlocks and a joint. I couldn’t help but laugh. It was a poor attempt at changing the subject, but an amusing one nonetheless.

We spent some time sorting through the photos. We made little piles; Pete and Mikey, Pete, summer of 2005, Gerard and Frank, and Gerard. There were a lot of those - just Gerard. 

“I had a thing with documenting,” Frank explained, “I took lots of pictures and videos. I used to lug cameras and video cameras around like a fucking idiot. And, well, I guess he was… I took the most photos of him. He was my favourite thing to look at…” He shrugged.

I tried to play it all off, knowing that Frank would be embarrassed and I wanted to relieve that. So I rolled my eyes, “Have I mentioned how cheesy you are?”

He grinned and tossed another photo towards me. I scooped it up eagerly then dropped it into the summer of 2005 pile - it was a picture of the living area in the bus, obviously taken from the entrance to the bunks, showing Pete and Ray sprawled across the sofas and G and Mikey sat at the table drinking coffee. I loved it.

Frank got up to change the record and I flipped through the photos. There were an abundance of photos of Gerard. They started from when he and Frank met and although the quantity went down through the years, there were still lots of photos of him right up until the split. But it was clear where the relationship had ended. Things changed, the photos and the amount of them, from around late 2005, early 2006, and then again in 2007. I chose to ignore the more recent ones for now and instead focus on the photos from before things changed. I also made a note to ask Frank about the timeline once again, because the timeline of their relationship made no sense to me. 

Another thing that made no sense to me was the amount of photos. It was insane. 

I set aside a few photos of G. I chose one from around 2004 when he still had long black hair, and for some reason it was tied off his face into a little ponytail and his face was scrunched up in an adorable smile. It was clear by his smile that Frank was the one who had taken the photo, which was cute beyond words. Another, from around the same time judging by the hair, showed him sitting at the table of the bus with his sketchpad in front of him, markers spread out across the table and a mug of coffee next to him. I was almost certain I had seen this photo before, just from a different angle. Gerard with his black hair pushed off his face, wearing his leather jacket and black and grey scarf. Come to think of it, Frank had a lot of photos of Gerard drawing.

“I liked when he drew,” He shrugged, as if that wasn’t fucking adorable. “I’m pretty sure I kept some old drawings of his. No, that’s a lie. I am sure. They’re in a box in my closet.”

“There’s a joke to be made in that.”

“I hate you,” He rolled his eyes.

My phone chimed with a text notification from Pete.

**_pw:_ ** _ is that me? and frank? what are you up to bby way? _

**_babyway:_ ** _ frnk has old photos… _

I quickly snapped a picture of a blurry one of Pete, Mikey, Gerard and Frank crammed into a diner booth. Frank had his arm extended and the camera turned to capture the picture of all four of them. Pete - who was grinning - had his arms around Mikey - who was rolling his eyes, but was somehow still smiling. Gerard was kissing Frank’s cheek. Fucking adorable.

Then for good measure, I snapped a quick picture of Frank as he sifted through the pictures and sent them both to Pete.

“Frank?”

He hummed in acknowledgement, glancing up with a raised eyebrow.

“What happened?”

He sighed, “A lot. Too much.”

“I don’t think Gerard wants to tell me.”

He smiled a little, “That’s not about you. It’s just… They’re painful memories. Nellie, that summer was perfect. For me and G at least. And it could have ended completely differently but I guess we just couldn’t handle it all. We made a choice, a really fucking painful one, and there’s no changing that now.”

I groaned, “Why are you both so vague? It’s infuriating. Either tell me or don’t. I hate all of this tiptoeing bullshit.”

He smirked, “Where’s the fun in that?”

“Frankie, please,” I begged, even giving an attempt at puppy eyes.

“Okay fine,” He sighed again, “What do you want me to tell you?”

I beamed, “About that summer. Please.”

“Fine. You’re so lucky I love you, kid,” He chuckled and I died inside a little. He went on, “Okay, so what’s the last thing G told you?...”

+++

Gerard snored softly next to me and I couldn’t help but smile. I was going to marry that dumbass in  _ Star Wars _ pyjamas who couldn’t sleep with his mouth closed and I genuinely couldn’t be happier. Besides, the  _ Star Wars  _ pyjamas were easier to sleep next to than the skeleton onesie - as cute as that was, it always ended in a sweaty mess. And it was hard to take off too. No, the pyjamas were definitely better.

As if to prove this point to myself, I shifted closer to him and wrapped my arms around his waist, slipping my hands under his t-shirt. He stirred a little and moved closer to me, but didn’t wake.

I was going to marry him, how fucking wild was that? I’d never really considered marriage. But now that I was given the chance to think about it, I wanted to marry him more than anything.

Even when he kicked me in his sleep. Asshole.

I wondered what my parents would think when I came home from tour with a husband… 

What would Mikey and Ray think? They’d be happy for us, I knew that much. They’d probably be mad that we didn’t tell them immediately though. Mikeyway would probably kill us both. 

But it didn’t matter. All that mattered was-

“Ow, Gerard, stop kicking me!” I grunted.

His wide eyes fluttered open and he looked confused, “Huh?”

I chuckled, “Don’t worry about it, baby. You just kept kicking me. You okay?” I kissed his temple and he pressed closer to me.

His eyes fluttered shut, “Weird dreams. Too many balloons on the Death Star…” He mumbled and then the snoring resumed.

I laughed to myself. He was a genius and he had an incredible mind, but he also had some pretty strange thoughts.

I was going to get to spend the rest of my life hearing them, and I couldn’t possibly be happier.

I cuddled closer against him and closed my eyes.

I woke up to Gerard struggling to get out of the bunk, struggling to detangle himself from me actually. I grumbled into the pillow, “What are you doing?”

“My best,” He laughed.

I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him close to me once more, “Too early, G.”

“I want coffee,” He admitted, “I’ll bring you some.”

I sighed dramatically and released my hold on him, “Fine. Leave me for caffeine.”

He pressed his lips against mine with a grin, “I love you, baby.”

“I love you too, dumbass,” I rolled my eyes and he slid out of the bunk.

Too fucking early… 

He popped his head back into the bunk and leaned toward me. I happily kissed him again, his lips sloppy yet soft against mine.

“I love you,” He muttered into the kiss. Always fucking talking… I twisted my fingers into his hair and deepened the kiss as much as the strange angle would allow for. When he did eventually pull away from me, he smiled softly, “I love you more than coffee, Frank Iero.”

“You fucking better, Gerard Way,” I laughed.

He booped my nose before heading off.

I pulled the blanket over my head and screwed my eyes shut, hoping to get back to sleep. But it was completely futile. 

The bastard had woken me up.

And from the voices drifting from the front of the bus - his and Mikey’s - I just knew I was awake simply because G had smelled the coffee. 

For fucks sake… 

Even still, I couldn’t wait to spend the rest of my life like this. I loved it all, even when I was woken too early because he wanted coffee.

I groaned and stretched, wiggled into my boxers and found one of Gerard’s t-shirts to pull on. It smelled a little funky, but it also smelled like my fiance - coffee and cigarettes and sweat. And it was relatively clean. 

Come to think of it, we should probably try to find a laundromat and do some laundry. I was running out of clothes. And so was Gerard, my fiance. Fiance fiance fiance… 

_ Fiance.  _ That was such a fun word to use.

We were fucking getting married.

I would never get enough of being able to call him my fiance.

Husband was going to be even better.

That thought alone was even to leave me grinning like an idiot, despite the early awakening.

I yawned as I slipped out of the bunk and made my way to the front of the bus. Gerard was at the small counter, pouring coffee into two mugs. Pete and Mikey were on one of the couches, curled against each other. Pete had his laptop on his knee, typing away, and Mikey was curled beside him nursing a mug of coffee, half asleep.

“G’mornin’!” Pete exclaimed cheerfully. I simply rolled my eyes and flipped him off. Mikey made a muffled noise that I was almost certain was a laugh.

“Here sweetheart,” G handed me a mug of steaming coffee and nudged me to sit into the little booth. He slid in next to me, sipping his coffee as he did so. He pulled his sketchpad across the table to him then glanced over at his brother, “Hey Mikeyway, are you okay?”

The younger Way simply grunted and tucked his face against Pete’s shoulder. 

Pete pressed a kiss to the top of his head, “You feeling okay, baby?”

I sipped my coffee as Pete fussed over Mikey - who was barely conscious enough to sip his coffee - and as Gerard cuddled close to me sketching. I didn’t need to look at the paper to know he was drawing me.

So not only was my fiance the most beautiful man in the world, he was also insanely talented.

I dropped my hand to his thigh, squeezing it gently as I gazed out the window and idly wondered where in the world we were today. I’d kind of lost track of the locations and venues… I was curious as to where we were, but Gerard was too invested in his drawing, Mikey was half asleep and Pete was too preoccupied with making sure Mikey was okay and doing whatever he was doing on his laptop. There was no point in even asking any of them anyway. Chances are they wouldn’t know either.

Mikey was clever, and he knew a lot. But it was always about strange things. And he was never aware of his surroundings. Ever.

Neither was Gerard, come to think of it. Although he was a little better at it than Mikey.

And Pete just baffled me most of the time. The dude was a genius, and yet I couldn’t help but think he only had one functioning brain cell. And that only functioned sometimes.

I sighed. Where was Ray? He’d know. 

Gerard never glanced up from the page as he drew. His movements were practiced as he reached forward to pick up his mug and take a gulp of coffee, his face focused as he sketched. 

“You’re too fucking talented,” I dropped my head onto his shoulder and looked down at the page in front of him. It was a cartoon version of me drinking a mug of coffee. In small writing underneath it said  _ my two favourite things _ . I grinned, “I love you so fucking much, baby.”

He tilted his head to press a kiss to my hair, “I love you more.”

I watched the page then as he added finishing touches to his drawing. I was always fascinated watching him work with markers. He made it look so simple yet I knew it was anything but. He was just fucking incredible.

Especially when he concentrated too hard and his tongue poked out from between his teeth.

Fuck, he was so adorable.

I let my mind trail off and start to think of our life together once more.

And then Mikey leapt up, racing to the bathroom. Pete moved to follow him but Gerard had already abandoned his drawing and was calling after his brother. 

I cringed a little when I heard him retching into the toilet. 

Well that’s disgusting.

I trailed behind Pete and Gerard as they stood in the small space with Mikey as he threw up into the toilet.

Ray finally got out of bed, looking puzzled.

“Mikey’s pregnant,” I explained, “Morning sickness, I guess. Congrats Pete and Mikes.”

“Shut the fu-” Mikey started but was cut off as he heaved once again.

Gerard slipped out, “I’ll grab you some water, Mikes.” He rushed to grab a bottle from the refrigerator.

Pete remained next to him, rubbing his back and whispering in his ear.

I glanced at G with a raised eyebrow. He simply shrugged, “He really cares about him.”

I laughed, “No shit. Toro, coffee? I need more coffee.”

The three of us sipped coffee at the small table. Gerard went back to his sketchpad and I finally got to ask Ray the question that had been nagging at me all morning.

“Ray, where the fuck are we?”

He scoffed, “How do you not know where we are? We’re in Nampa, Idaho, dumbass.”

“Huh,” I nodded, “Cool.” I was almost certain that meant we were going to Canada in a couple of days, but I honestly couldn’t be sure.

He rolled his eyes and sipped his coffee, “What time are we on today?”

I gaped at him, “Man, I don’t even know where we are. How would I know what time we’re on at?”

“We’re not on until eight,” Gerard muttered without glancing up, “Do you think Mikeyway’s okay?”

I squeezed his thigh in what I hoped to be a reassuring way, “I’m sure he’s fine, G.”

Mikeyway was not okay. He threw up quite a bit - which was gross - and then curled up in his bunk with Pete, coughing and sneezing and snotty nosed. It was pretty disgusting, but we all knew it was nothing to worry about. The idiot had simply gone and caught a bug, he would be fine. And besides, he had Pete to look after him. 

Even still, Gerard didn’t want to leave the bus. He always worried about Mikey. He was so caring and loving. For the first time, the strangest thought occurred to me.  _ He was going to be such a good dad. _

I choked on my own fucking breath.

He glanced up at me with a raised eyebrow, “Frankie?”

I coughed and spluttered, because  _ what the actual fuck, Frank _ ? I waved my hand, “I’m fine.”

He stared at me, looking more confused than ever. Then he rolled his eyes and went back to his drawing. He was doodling a cartoon for Mikey, something he had always done when Mikey was sick or feeling down. Apparently, he’d done it since they were kids.

It was adorable.

I loved everything about him.

When Pete slipped out of the bunk area and announced that he had to go play, I decided to go with him. I needed to go to our stall anyway and check up on things. 

“How’s Mikey?” Gerard asked, concern lining his face.

“He’s sleeping,” Pete told him, “I think he’s okay, he just needs some time to recharge.”

G nodded, “I’ll check up on him soon.”

I kissed him goodbye before heading off with Pete, who was undeniably stressed. I sighed, “What’s up, man?”

He shrugged, “Nothing. It’s nothing.”

I nudged him, “C’mon. You can tell me.”

“It’s just Mikey.”

“He’s fine, Pete,” I laughed, “Seriously. It’s a bug. He’ll be over it by the morning.”

He shook his head, “It’s not that… It doesn’t matter. You’re Mikey’s best friend, I shouldn’t be bothering you with this.”

I rolled my eyes, “Just tell me, asshole.”

“He was saying some stuff. I think- I don’t think he… He doesn’t want this, us to last.”

“What?” I scoffed, “That’s insane. The dude’s in love with you.”

“Love can’t save you,” He muttered.

“ _ What _ ?”

“He was saying some stuff. I just- I don’t think he sees any future.”

Oh wow. Okay. So maybe I shouldn’t have been involving myself in this. He was right, I was Mikey’s best friend. Pete was my friend, of course he was, but nowhere near the level of Mikey and I. And now here I was talking to my best friend’s boyfriend about my best friend. 

But it was too fucking late now.

I chose my words carefully. “Look, Pete, here’s the thing, you’re right. It’s not really my place to say anything about this. But I will say this. Mikey’s been my best friend for like three years, I think. I know the guy pretty fucking well. And he’s fucking head over heels in love, you know? And yeah, okay, he is worried about some stuff but you two love each other. Maybe that will be enough. If it’s meant to be, things will work out. And if not… Well, you’ve had one hell of a summer.”

“I want things to work out,” He insisted, “But I’m not so sure about him…”

I nodded, “I get that. But he loves you. And maybe he’ll leave, maybe he doesn’t want a future, maybe this isn’t meant to last after this summer. But you love each other  _ now _ . That should be enough, you know?”

He chewed his lip, thinking it over seemingly, for a long moment and then he too nodded, “Yeah. Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

+++

Frank sighed and ran his hand through his hair, “I don’t know, kid. That whole thing makes me so uncomfortable.”

I frowned, “What do you mean?”

“I think… I think maybe that was when Pete decided- When he- I think that maybe if I hadn’t said that to Pete he wouldn’t have left.”

My mouth fell open. “ _ What _ ? Pete left?”

He gave me a strange look, “Did you not know that? At the end of that summer, Pete was the one to walk away. He finished things, not Mikey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays everyone! Merry Christmas!  
> So as I said, this is going to be the last chapter of 2020. I won't be posting on Christmas day so I'm giving myself a week off in regards to uploads. I'll be working on the story during the break and I plan to be back with quite a few more chapters at the ready.  
> Anyway, about this chapter... holy shit. So I wrote the Projekt Revolution scenes around the same time I was writing chapter seven. I've had it waiting in my docs for months and then today, on a complete whim, I decided to rewrite this chapter to fit it in here. I had been planning on leaving this until towards the end but I really feel like it fits in pretty well here because of the direction of the story.  
> Also, remember back in like chapter fourteen when Frank told Nell she had a bunch of unreliable narrators? Well yeah... Not just that but I also want to emphasize the fact that the guys are just completely all over the place with their story telling, as is seen here with Frank hopping from one thing to the next.  
> Honestly this is a chapter I really enjoyed writing. I remember when I wrote the Projekt Revolution scene I actually cried at the end. Believe me, Frank and Gerard have such a heartbreaking story.  
> I didn't actually plan on leaving out for the new year with a Frank chapter, I was hoping to do Mikey but I think this works so much better because this is setting up everything that's going to happen later on in the story.  
> And I can assure you that new year's day, I'll be coming back with a bang! The chapter for Mikey is one that I'm very excited to share.  
> So on a little bit of a soppy note, seeing as this is the last chapter of the year, I just want to thank you all for coming on this journey with me. I never expected this response, I never thought so many people would read my work. Genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much. You have all made these last few months amazing beyond belief. Thank you a hundred times over for everything you've done, for the support and making a safe space for me to share my writing. Thank you all so much.  
> I promise I will be back, I don't plan on going away anytime soon. I will be back with an update on the first of January and I can't wait to see you all again.  
> Just before I go, I'd like to let you all know that I will still be active on here and if you need me you can always reach me here or through my Instagram.  
> Thank you all for the support. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, please comment and let me know what you thought.  
> Happy holidays y'all! And happy New Year! I'll see you all again very soon.  
> Stay safe, stay spooky and see you soon xo jadda.


	19. Mikey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year guys!! It's literally 2AM here but I wanted to get this chapter edited and out as soon as possible because I have genuinely missed updating so so much! It feels like the only bit of order I have amidst all of this absolute chaos.   
> Also, got my Revenge tattoo today... Not gonna lie it's not entirely perfect but I'm gonna get some details changed on it after lockdown. Even still though, I'm absolutely in love with it. It's the beginnings of my sleeve I guess, which is pretty exciting. I would upload a picture but I don't actually know how.  
> Anyway... here's the chapter. Enjoy!

There was a heavy silence for a long moment as I struggled to comprehend what Frank had just told me. 

Pete left. Pete finished things. Pete walked away.

I don’t know why I was so shocked. Mikey had never said otherwise but I’d just presumed that given all of his doubts and his reluctance to be open with his sexuality that he’d have been the one to leave. But no, it was Pete. 

“Frankie, I just-” I started but I was cut off by Lois starting to woof. Then we could hear the front door open. 

They were home.

“We’ll talk more later,” Frank promised and then he stood and headed upstairs before anything else could be said.

As I followed him I realised that every time I thought I was beginning to understand, things just got more complicated. I was in way over my head.

To make things worse, I had a text from Pete.

**_pw:_ ** _ looks like fun! tell frnk i said hi and send more pics! x _

I decided not to respond just yet. I wasn’t really sure what to do.

There was just too much. Everything. 2007, Pete leaving, the way Gerard had treated Frank, Mikey’s heartbreak… I couldn’t process it all.

On the bright side, Mikeyway looked slightly more alive and functioning than he had been the previous day which was quite a relief.

Gerard, however, was still grumpy. Possibly even more so. But honestly there was a part of me that was angry at him.

Mikey offered me his slight smile, “Hey kid. Ice cream?”

I couldn’t help but grin, “Fuck yeah. Let me go get my shoes.”

Gerard followed me up the stairs, talking to me about his mom as I pulled my boots on. Frank and Mikey were chatting downstairs. I wanted to say something to him about everything Frank had revealed, but I decided that now, when I was on my way out the door with Mikey, it probably wasn’t the best idea to say all I wanted to. So I played nice.

“So what does your mom think of me? Did you tell her?” I asked as I looked for my hoodie.

He scratched the back of his neck, “About that… Um, so Mom doesn’t really understand, I guess. She thinks it’s- She just doesn’t get it. But I’m sure she’ll come around. She will meet you eventually.”

My heart fell. “She doesn’t wanna meet me?” 

He sighed, “It’s complicated, Nell. I’m sure she just needs to wrap her head around it. But I know my dad is gonna love you.”

“You said that about Donna and-”

“That’s different,” He insisted. 

I tried not to feel too deflated as he told me about the rest of his stay. I was more than happy to go off on an adventure with Mikey. And I thought Frank and Gerard could probably do with the time alone. They had a lot of shit that they needed to sort out.

“You seem stressed,” Mikey noted as we pulled out of Frank’s driveway.

I pressed my head against the window and sighed, “This is all just a lot more complicated than I ever thought it would be.”

“Life’s complicated, Nellie. What did you expect?”

“Well I never expected this,” I scoffed.

He laughed, “Yeah, okay, even I’ll admit that this is pretty fucking weird alright. So… ice cream?”

I nodded, “Ice cream. That’s a good way to go. Hey, can I ask you something?”

“I’m not sure if I wanna know but go ahead.”

“Frank said-” I stopped. Suddenly, asking him about Pete leaving didn’t seem like such a good idea. I sighed, “Um, Frankie was just talking about that summer. I didn’t know you’d been sick.”

He laughed, “Oh yeah, that. I actually kind of forgot about that. When was that? Mid July?”

I shrugged, “Whenever you were in Nampa.”

“Nampa?”

“Idaho.”

“Oh,” He chuckled, “Yeah I remember that. So that’s where we’re starting tonight? Okay then…”

+++

I was tired and I didn’t feel good. But I couldn’t get comfortable in the bunk and I’d woken Pete at an ungodly hour due to my tossing and turning. So we’d made our way to the front of the bus, he’d made a pot of coffee for me and we curled up on the slightly more spacious sofa together.

Pete was working, I guess. Maybe. I wasn’t too sure honestly. He was typing away on his laptop and I didn’t have my glasses on so I didn’t bother trying to look. I was far too tired to. So I just curled up next to Pete and tried to stay awake. I focused on my coffee and the feeling of Pete next to me.

Not too long after, my brother wandered into the area and made a beeline for the coffee. He didn’t speak until he had a mug of coffee in his hands. 

“Good morning, guys,” He smiled sleepily around his mug. 

I couldn’t find it in me to respond. Pete, however, was able to speak for both of us, “Hey G. Smelled the coffee, huh?” 

My brother chuckled, “That obvious?”

“No functioning without coffee,” I mumbled against Pete’s arm and he kissed the top of my head.

Frank appeared a moment later, sleepy and yawning and making heart eyes at my brother.

“G’mornin’!” Pete said happily. Frank grunted and flipped him off. I couldn’t help but laugh a little. 

My laughter turned into a bit of a cough, which I tried to play off.

Frank and Gerard sat down at the table and I could feel my brother’s eyes on me, “Hey Mikeyway, are you okay?”

This only drew Pete’s attention to the fact that I most certainly was not okay. “You feeling okay, baby?”

I wasn’t feeling okay at all. My head hurt and my stomach was churning and I could barely breathe properly. But I’m sure it was just tiredness or something, maybe I was just worn out. I’m sure it was nothing.

I shrugged, not really able to find any words or even the energy to do much else. 

Pete managed to pull the blanket from the back of the sofa and draped it around me, tucking it around my shoulders and kissing the top of my head.

My eyes started to close and I tried my very hardest to simply focus on the mug of coffee in my hand. I worried that it was going to spill all over me if I didn’t.

Pete seemed to notice this, and he took the mug from my hands, placing it on the counter next to him. I wasn’t quite sure what I’d done to deserve him. He was perfect.

I smiled and before I knew what was happening, I had fallen asleep.

There was far too much racing through my mind. I had weird dreams.

And then I woke up to my stomach clenching and spit filling my mouth and-

Oh fuck, I was gonna be sick.

I jumped up, the blanket falling from around my shoulders. Pete was hot on my tail as I ran to the small little bathroom. I barely made it to the toilet on time. 

“Oh Mikeyway,” Pete rubbed my back, “It’s okay, baby. Just get it all up.”

I gagged into the toilet.

“You okay, Mikey?” My brother squeezed into the little room with us.

“Mikey’s pregnant,” Frank laughed, “Morning sickness, I guess.”

Ugh, he was an asshole. Absolute fucker. “Shut the fu-” More vomit came up. Well that’s disgusting. Fucking gross. I groaned.

Pete pushed my hair off my face and spoke soothingly, “It’s okay, Mikeyway. You’re okay, baby. I’m here.”

Gerard was clearly uncertain of what he should do, “I’ll grab you some water, Mikes.”

“Thanks, G,” Pete called, still rubbing soothing circles into my back. I groaned into the toilet as another dry heave wracked through my body. 

I coughed and gagged and spluttered for a little longer and then I fell back against Pete, my head pounding and ears ringing. 

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled against his neck.

He chuckled and squeezed me a little tighter, “Don’t apologise, it’s okay. You’re gonna have to get up off the floor though, babe.”

I groaned, “Give me a minute.”

And so we stayed like that for so long I lost track of time. I was tired. I wanted to sleep but I knew I couldn’t, my own coughs alone were stopping me. Eventually, Pete wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to my feet. 

“Pete, I’m gonna be sick,” I grunted as my stomach churned once again.

“You’re just nauseous,” He insisted, “You should go lie down. You can’t stay on the floor.”

I didn’t argue. I knew he was right and I was tired. Lying in my bunk with him sounded perfect right about now…

I woke up when Pete tried to move.

“What are you doing?” My throat was scratchy and dry, and my voice was croaky. I needed a drink. I had a faint recollection of my brother saying he’d get me a drink, but I had no clue if he had. 

“I need to go now, baby,” Pete kissed me softly, seemingly not caring that I could very well be contagious. 

I coughed, further proving my point of the contagious thing, and struggled to ask, “Where?” I didn’t want him to go. I wanted to sleep next to him and hold him as tight as I possibly could.

“I have to go play, Mikes. I’ll be back soon though, I promise,” He kissed me again, “I love you, baby. Get some rest.”

He slipped away before I could respond. When I woke up again, my brother was next to my bunk.

“Hey Mikeyway,” He smiled a little, and offered me a packet of tissues when I sniffled. Then he pressed his hand to my forehead and frowned, “You’ve got a fever. How are you feeling?”

I blew my nose into one of the tissues and tried to sit up a little in the small space, “Shitty.”

“I’ll try to find you some soup. Maybe some cold medicine too. I brought you this, by the way.”

Despite how gross I felt, I couldn’t help but smile when he handed me the comic strip. Just like when we were kids. 

Gerard had done this for years. When I was sick or feeling down or whatever, he’d always draw for me to cheer me up and make me feel better. I had a whole stack of them at home.

My little cartoon self was fighting a vomit monster with my bass as my weapon. The power of music or some shit. There was another new character next to me in a couple of the panels - Pete, obviously. He was helping me fight the monsters. 

Gerard knew those types of ones were my favourite. I loved the monsters he came up with and I loved how I was always the hero, always saved the day. My cartoon self was always able to work things out, I wished I could be the same. 

“Thank you G,” I croaked, “This is- This is wonderful.”

+++

“Why does that day matter?” Mikey frowned, “I was literally sick all day. I forced myself out of bed and then I played and couldn’t breath the entire time and then we went to bed and I woke up the next day with a headache. So where are we going for ice cream?”

I rolled my eyes, “I want a bit of a drive, so keep going. Ooh maybe that place we went a few days ago. And I was just curious. Frank mentioned it.”

“Frank mentions a lot of stuff,” He shrugged, “I don’t know, it was just one of the least important days of the tour, you know?”

“Yeah I suppose. Can we actually go to that place with the toppings I liked?”

He chuckled, “Sure thing, kid. Frank seems happy. But then… What happened? Him and G didn’t seem too happy.”

“Right?” I grinned, purely because he’d picked up on it too.

“Yeah, I asked Gerard about it but he didn’t want to talk.”

“Of course. Well, I asked Frank about it.”

“Do you care to elaborate?”

I laughed, “Sure. Um, basically Frank mentioned the fact that…” I chewed my lip. How could I phrase it? How would I leave out the stuff I knew Mikey wasn’t meant to know?

“Nell?”

“Hang on,” I frowned, “Look, okay, it was pretty complicated. They basically had a fight over what could have been.”

“What does that mean?”

I sighed, “Frank mentioned that, had things worked out between them, they could have had a nice life together. He made the mistake of bringing that up to Gerard and things kind of came to blows. Frank explains it better than I did.”

“I suppose it was bound to happen. I get the feeling that we won’t be staying here for much longer though.”

“I hope you’re wrong…”

“Me too,” He muttered.

I ran a hand through my hair, “So Frank told me something else too.”

“Oh?” He raised an eyebrow.

I nodded, “He told me about the fight, you know, during Projekt Revolution. And he mentioned why it happened.”

Mikey nodded too, “Oh. Yeah,  _ that _ . So he told you about the whole wedding fiasco?”

I had to hold my tongue. I knew more about wedding fiascos than he did, which was a little wild. I laughed, “Yep, he filled me in on that. Not that you can talk though. I mean, you did actually get married.”

He rolled his eyes, “You’re such a mini them, I hate it.”

“Mini who?”

“Frank and G,” He scoffed, “Baby Way indeed, but also Baby Iero, you know?”

“Thank you,” I grinned, “So…”

He shot me a look, “You want to know what I said to him, don’t you?”

“I’m a little curious. Frank didn’t tell me.”

“Frank doesn’t know. I never told him.”

I groaned, “Don’t be coy, Michael. Are you going to tell me?”

He shrugged, “I suppose.”

+++

“It’s ringing again,” Alicia whined and pulled the pillow over her ears. I sighed and grabbed my phone. It was Frank, and instantly I knew something was wrong.

I tried to keep the panic out of my voice. “Frank?” 

He was snappy, “Dude, fuck, you gotta answer the phone.” I could tell he was irritated, which I knew was how he got when he was stressed or upset. Fuck.

I sat up, “What’s going on, Frankie?” I knew it was Gerard. Something had happened. Something was wrong with my brother.

Alicia yawned next to me and pulled the sheets tighter around her. “Why’s he calling?” She asked sleepily and I shrugged. She rolled her eyes, “Tell him to fuck off,” She flashed me her prettiest smile, “Come back to bed.” 

“Oh she can go fuck off,” Frank snarled.

Definitely snappier than usually. I sighed and offered an apologetic smile to my wife, “Just-” I started but Frankie was still grumbling. It was my turn to be snappy. “Hang on, Frank.” I turned to Alicia and gave her hand a little squeeze as I climbed out of bed, “Give me a minute. I think this is important.”

She nodded, “Okay. Send them my love.”

That probably wasn’t the best idea, I thought as I slipped out of the room and shut the door behind me. I needed coffee so I made my way towards the coffee. Frank hummed impatiently and I sighed again, “Are you okay?” I was so focused on turning on the Coffee Maker that his sudden sobbing actually fucking frightened me. I widened my eyes, “Frankie?”

“He’s fucking drinking again, Mikes,” He told me in a shaky voice, “He’s drinking and he’s- He fucking went for me, man.” 

Went for him? As in… No way. Gerard would never attack Frank. He was literally his favourite thing in the whole fucking world. He wouldn’t. And… no, he wouldn’t drink. Frank was wrong. He had to be.

I tried to tell myself to keep calm but I was panicking.

I shook my head, “What? No, no. No fucking way. No, he wouldn’t be so dumb. And what do you mean? How- How did he go for you? What?” 

My best friend cried, “People relapse all the fucking time, Mikes. He fucking-” He hissed sharply in pain, “Ow, I think he sprained my fucking ankle.”

I was confused beyond belief. “He- Wait, what? Did the two of you get in a fight?” I think I was in shock honestly.

What the fuck did he do to him? He wouldn’t hurt Frank. No… 

Coffee. I fucking needed coffee.

I fumbled for a mug as he spoke.

“He shoved me across the stage,” He mumbled sheepishly, “I’ll be fine.” But the hurt when he said it was enough for my heart to break.

It didn’t fucking sound like it. “You said your ankle was sprained?” I was going to fucking kill Gerard when I saw him next.

He was pretty dismissive, “I’ve had worse… That doesn’t matter though. He’s drinking,” He stressed.

My heart was in my mouth. This couldn’t fucking be happening. “How do you know?”

He hesitated, “I could fucking smell it off him.” 

Oh fuck.

I almost dropped my coffee. “Fuck. Shit. Fuck! What the fuck do we do?” Fuck. We couldn’t let this happen again. I couldn’t watch him go through that again, see him back in that dark place.

Frank was back to his snappy, irritated self that he always was when he was stressed. “You need to get here. Like right now,” He demanded.

My stomach flipped nervously at the thought of having to face what I knew would be waiting for me with my band. I rushed out excuses. “What? Frank, I- I’m on my honeymoon. I can’t just leave. I don’t- I’m on my honeymoon.”

It was the wrong thing to say. I knew it as soon as the words left my lips. 

But it was exactly what Frank needed. He let his frustration out on me, “This is Gerard we’re talking about! Don’t fucking try to tell me that your rebound from Pete is more important than Gerard.”

I gasped. Actually fucking gasped.

It was no fucking shock that he didn’t like Alicia, he’d never tried to hide it. And I had never expected him to like her. He had liked Pete so much, his hatred towards her was justifiable.

But throwing Pete at me like that was a little below the belt, to say the least.

And Frank was completely obsessed with the idea that the only reason I ever even got with Alicia in the first place was because of her connection to Pete.

And I knew he was right in a lot of what he said, but using Pete against me just fucking hurt.

I took a minute to compose myself. I gulped down some coffee and took a few shaky breaths before speaking again, “Where the fuck even are you?” I’d lost track of where my band was touring by that time. I was just trying to enjoy my holiday.

“We’re in Michigan but we got a show tomorrow in- Fuck I don’t know. I- My head is fucked.  _ He fucking attacked me _ ,” He sobbed, “He’s not himself at all right now. I just really don’t know what the fuck I’m meant to do now.” 

I couldn’t wrap my head around it. Gerard attacking Frank was just not normal.

It was Gerard and Frank. Fucking hell. They loved each other more than anything.

I frowned, “How drunk was he? Why did he attack you? I’m so fucking confused. Why is he drinking? Why the fuck is he hurting you?” I emphasised that last point because that was the most mystifying to me honestly.

There was a long pause on the other end, then finally Frank gulped, “He’s getting married. I found out before the show. He’s gonna marry her at the end of the tour.”

No fucking way. No. That couldn’t- No. 

This had to be a joke, right? Frank was pranking me and Gerard and Ray were definitely sitting next to him listening in on it and biting back laughter because  _ there was no fucking way this was happening _ .

But I knew it wasn’t a joke. It couldn’t be. Frank sounded so heartbroken.

Gerard was seriously fucking getting married.

“He’s marrying a woman? My- My very gay brother is marrying a woman?” I choked out eventually.

Frank scoffed and muttered under his breath. Then he sighed and begged, “You gotta come here, Mikes.”

He was right, of course he was. I couldn’t hide away here. They needed me. I needed to be there.

“Yeah, I guess I do. Look, leave it with me, I’ll try to be there in the next few days.”

Relief was evident in his voice, “Thanks Mikey.”

“Try to keep him out of trouble until then. Are you okay?”

He laughed bitterly, “Sure. I mean, the guy I’m in love with is getting married in less than two weeks, he’s drinking again and he fucking tried to fight me in the middle of a show. But other than that I’m peachy.”

“It was during the show?” Fuck, had Gerard got no fucking sense? Why the hell would he do something like that on stage? Chances are within a few hours there’d be videos fucking everywhere. We’d never live this down.

Frank was too forgiving. “Like I said, he’s not himself right now.”

“I’m sorry, Frankie.” I really wasn’t sure what else to say.

“Yeah, me too, Mikes,” He just sounded broken, “I’m sorry for what I said about Alicia and… you know.”

I smiled a little, “It’s okay, man. Don’t worry about it. Hey, I’m sending you coffee via the phone. You sound like you need it.”

He laughed, “Thanks Mikey. Sorry for waking you, or interrupting you or whatever.”

“Frank, you can always call me. Remember, um, fuck it’s gotta be like four years ago maybe… Remember when I called you after- Gerard had, um, he’d taken too much and I called you because I needed your help.”

“I remember,” Frank’s voice was almost a whimper.

“You told me then that you’d always be there and that I could always call you, day or night, and you’d be there. Well the same fucking goes, asshole. I don’t care what time you call, I don’t care if you interrupt. You can always fucking call me, okay?”

After speaking to Frank, I decided to get other opinions on what was going on. I texted Cortez and Worm, asking them to make sure G and Frank were okay and to just keep an eye on things until I could get there. And then I rang Ray.

“So you heard about the fight, huh?” He said almost immediately upon answering. 

That was fucking worrying…

“Frank called me. What happened?” I had to ask.

“Man, I wish I knew. One minute they were both playing. Gerard was doing his thing, Frank was throwing himself around the stage as always,” He chuckled a little, “And then they were fucking wrestling.”

“On fucking stage?” I was definitely going to murder my brother.

“During  _ The Sharpest Lives _ ,” He sighed, “Everything’s been pretty crazy here without you, Mikes. G and Frank have been all over each other every night on stage and now this? It’s fucking insane. Everything's just falling to pieces here.”

It definitely fucking seemed that way…

“I know,” I nodded, “Fuck, I know. Look, I’ll try to get there as soon as I can. Just please make sure they’re okay. Frank seems pretty upset. And, um, is it true? Is he- Frank said Gerard was-”

“I don’t know, Mikey,” He admitted, “I think so.”

“Fuck.” There was nothing else to say. 

“Maybe you’ll be able to get through to him.”

“I fucking hope so. I’ll try to get there in the next few days, okay? I promise. I can’t just sit back and let that happen, you know?”

His voice was gentle, “Thanks Mikes.”

Alicia had made her way into the kitchen and she was sitting on the counter frowning.

I sighed, “Look Ray, I gotta go sort some stuff out. Keep me updated on what’s happening there, yeah?”

“Of course man, I’ll see you soon.”

“What’s happening?” Alicia yawned, a look of concern painting over her pretty features. Frank’s words rang through my mind as I looked at her.

I shrugged, “A lot. My brother and Frank got into a fight. I guess everyone’s a little tense now.”

“Can Toro not help them sort it out?” She frowned, “There’s no need for you to have to haul ass back on tour.”

“It’s my brother. He needs me.”

She shook her head, “They always need you, Mikey. You need a break. What happened? Why do they need you that urgently? Frank and Gerard snap at each other and then make up all the time. They’ll be cuddling on the couch by the morning.”

She didn’t understand. She couldn’t. She didn’t know about Gerard and Frank and their history. She wasn’t there that summer. We never told her. I never could. I had promised that I wouldn’t, just as I had made everyone else promise not to mention what I had done that summer. It was something we’d all agreed upon.

“It’s complicated,” I muttered.

“Mikey, it’s Gerard and Frank,” She rolled her eyes but her voice was gentle, “They’re like closer than friends. Those two love each other. Look, I know you love them and I do too but I’m just being honest here. I’ve seen the way they are. One of them gets moody, the other gets upset and then they don’t speak for a few hours. I bet if you ring them in the morning everything will be fine. Frank will be clinging to G and he’ll be fawning over Frank and everything will be fine.” She held her arms out.

I stepped into her embrace, “It’s different this time. Gerard- He’s not in a good way and- They had a fight on stage. I can’t see that just going away.”

She held me a little tighter, “Okay. Okay. So give it a couple days, wait until the dust settles and if everything hasn’t cleared up then we can get a flight to wherever the fuck the band are, okay? There’s no point in you rushing to get to them just to find out everything is fine.”

She sort of had a point, and so I agreed to wait.

Everything didn’t clear up. Gerard was still all over the place, Frank was distraught, Ray was struggling to cope. And the wedding was still on. 

I didn’t mention any of this to Alicia as we headed to New Jersey a few days later, I just simply told her that they needed me and she supported that. 

I had to help my brother. He needed me.

I was there waiting when the bus pulled up. 

My band looked exhausted and depressed as they trudged off it. 

But Gerard’s beaming smile as soon as he saw me almost made me forget about how fucked up everything was at the moment. 

“Mikey!” He cried out in shock and delight and then ran to meet me. As soon as he reached me he flung his arms around me and pulled me into a tight hug. “I’ve missed you so much,” He whispered gently.

I squeezed my arms around him, “I missed you too, G.”

And then he started to cry.

“Fuck,” He pulled away and rushed to wipe his tears away, hiding his face from the others.

Frank looked alarmed, and I could tell all he wanted was to comfort my brother. But he didn’t dare. It only confirmed how bad things had gotten.

“It’s good to see you, Mikes,” Ray flashed me a strained smile.

“It’s good to be back,” I returned the smile, even though I was lying through my teeth. I didn’t want to be back under these circumstances.

Frank just nodded in greeting. He looked completely drained.

My brother composed himself and grinned at me, “This is so awesome, Mikeyway. I didn’t even know you were coming, this is such a great surprise.”

I shot my other two bandmates a look and they both flushed. Were things really that bad that they weren’t even properly talking to him? Fuck.

“The bus is gonna be empty now,” Ray told me, “So if the two of you wanna talk…”

I smiled, “Thanks Ray. That’s great. Come on, G, we need a good catch up.”

My brother looked slightly confused but trailed along after me. 

Ray yelled after us, “We’re on in a few hours, guys. Mikey, you better be ready to play.”

I laughed, “Sure thing, Toro.”

Gerard and I went to the backroom of the bus and I threw my backpack down in there. We sat down and Gerard took out a pack of cigarettes, offering me one.

There was no point in sugar coating things or trying to build up to it. I was just straight out about it all.

“What the fuck is going on, G?”

He took a long drag and shrugged, “I don’t know anymore.”

I glared at him, “You know, I wanna punch you in the fucking face.”

He looked up with wide eyes, “What?”

“You fucking attacked Frank!” I exclaimed, “You actually fucking had a fight with him on stage, you absolute fucking asshole.”

“Look, I don’t-”

“No, Gerard, shut the fuck up!” I snapped, “I’ve had enough, okay? I had Frank crying down the phone to me because of what you’ve done to him. I don’t fucking want to listen to you pretending you’re not being an asshole. So shut the hell up, alright?”

He nodded and smoked his cigarette while I spoke.

“Good. Frank fucking rang me and told me everything. He told me about everything.”

“When did he ring you?”

“After the fight. You fucking hurt him, dickhead.”

He hid his face in his hands, “I know. Do you not realise I know? I fucking hate myself for it.”

“Why did you do it, man?”

“ _ I don’t know _ ,” He practically hissed.

I sighed, “You’re being a prick.”

He scoffed, “So Ray and Frank got you here to insult me? Nice.”

“No, Gerard, they asked me here because they’re worried about you. Frank told me that you’re drinking again.”

“He’s a liar,” He snapped.

“So you didn’t reek of booze when you shoved him across the stage? You’re drinking again,” I accused.

“I’m not. I just- I’ve fucked up absolutely everything in my life and I just had a moment of poor judgement, okay? Yeah, I had a few drinks but I’m not going to do it again.”

“How can I believe that? G, how am I meant to know you’re not going to go back to that place? I can’t- I can’t go through that again.”

“And you won’t,” He promised, “Look, I’ve ruined everything in my life and I honestly don’t plan on fucking this up too. I’m trying my best here, Mikes.”

“And the wedding? Did you ever plan on telling me about that?”

His face fell completely, “I didn’t want to tell anyone. We wanted it to be a surprise and then, after everything that happened, it just didn’t- Oh.  _ Oh _ . You mean… Of course, yes. I’m guessing Frank told you. He wasn’t meant to find out the way he did.”

“Ray told me you’ve been fucking him around. You really think that after everything the two of you have been through he deserves that?”

“It’s not like that,” He sighed, twisting the cigarette butt between his fingers, “I just- You should meet her, man. She’s really great. She’s- Look, it’s never going to work between Frank and I and- I want to make a go of things, I want to be happy. And I fucked it up with Frankie, okay? You know that. So I’m trying here. And look-”

“Gerard?” A girl’s voice rang through the bus and my brother looked slightly alarmed. 

“Oh you’ve got to be kidding me,” I muttered as the door opened.  _ Speak of the devil. _

“Gerard, I- Oh, hey,” A pretty girl appeared in the doorway, “You’re Mikey, right?” She extended her hand to me and introduced herself. “I didn’t know you’d be on this tour! This is incredible. I’m so happy to meet you, Gerard told me so much about you.”

“And Frank told me so much about you,” I tried not to sound snarky but I think I failed because her smile dropped a little.

“Oh, I- All good things, I hope?” She sounded a little nervous.

“Of course,” Gerard insisted, “Is everything okay?”

“Sure, sure,” She smiled, “I just- I thought we were going to, um… You know what, it’s okay, I’ll just wait. I’ll talk to you later. It’s nice to meet you, Mikey.”

“Don’t go on my account,” I said through gritted teeth. She was nice, irritatingly nice.

She laughed, “No, it’s fine. I’ve had him to myself all summer. He’s missed you a lot. Are you staying for the rest of the tour?”

“No, no,” I scoffed, “God no. I’m just here for the day. We have a lot to talk about. I don’t mean to be rude.”

“You couldn’t possibly,” She beamed, “I’m so glad Gerard has such a sweet brother. Hopefully we’ll get to talk more before you go. Gerard, will you see me out?”

They walked away and I buried my head in my hands. What the fuck was he doing? She was lovely, so sweet and kind, and he was being a dickhead.

He returned a few minutes later and sat back down.

I tried to smile, “So tell me what’s been going on…”

Gerard couldn’t deal with the fact that he’d lost Frank. He’d fucked up the relationship with the love of his life and he knew that they couldn’t fix things. He knew they had to end things and that he’d been dragging it on for far too long but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He wanted to marry the girl, to start a life with her because she was incredible but it just wasn’t the same. He could never feel for her what he felt for Frank. He was trying, but he just couldn’t. He’d spent the entire summer trying to be with her but he had just been drawn back to Frank the entire time. Their entire relationship was built on a lie.

And he didn’t know what to do.

“You can’t marry her.”

“She’s really nice though, Mikes,” He insisted.

“Yeah, she is,” I nodded, “And that’s why you can’t marry her. It’s not fair. This isn’t about you or Frank, it’s about this girl and she doesn’t deserve this. You can’t marry her when your heart belongs to someone else. You can’t do that to her. If you feel anything at all for her, you need to stop this.”

“And Frank?”

“You need to let him go, G,” I reached out to squeeze his hand, “I’m sorry, I know it’s going to hurt. But you need to walk away. The two of you are destroying each other and it needs to stop.”

“But I love him.” 

“I know,” I stressed, “I know, G. But you know it has to be done. How are the two of you ever meant to move on if you keep going the way you are?”

He started to cry, which swiftly turned into uncontrollable sobbing.

“I fucked it all up,” He wailed, “We were going to- We were so fucking happy and things would have been perfect but I fucked it all up!”

“How?” I had to ask. I’d been so curious the past couple of years as to how their relationship had faded away and yet neither of them ever revealed anything to me.

“I fucked it up and now he hates me.”

I sighed, “He could never hate you. But he’ll never forgive you if you marry her.”

“Is that how it is for you?” His question was innocent, but it pissed me off. The implication that I needed Pete’s forgiveness for my marriage was infuriating. The reminder of Pete was agonising. The fact that my brother knew he had been in my mind when I had married my wife fucking pissed me off too.

“This has nothing got to do with him!” I snapped. But then I instantly felt bad. “You just need to do the right thing, Gerard. You can’t marry her, not when you’ll never love her the way she deserves. And you can’t keep doing this to Frank. It’s going to hurt, but it has to be done.”

+++

I swirled my ice cream around with the spoon, trying to mix the toppings in. I grunted, “I hate when they don’t mix them.”

“She mixed mine,” Mikey noted smugly.

We had successfully gone to the little ice cream place and got the fancy ice creams that I liked. We sat in the car, parked up in front of the shop eating the ice cream.

“I don’t like you.”

He rolled his eyes, “Please, you love me. I bought you ice cream.”

“Very true,” I laughed.

“So… that’s that on my part in the whole ProRev thing, I’m sure you know that he didn’t get married and stuff like that. So back to business, if you’d even call it that. Where are we at with the whole summer ‘05 thing?”

“You were telling me about being sick.”

He nodded, “Right, well that was boring so… Moving on.”

+++

Pete pressed his hand to my forehead yet again, “How’re you feeling?”

I swatted his hand away, “I’m fine. It was a cold, Pete. I’m  _ fine _ .”

“Pete, you’re driving us all crazy with this,” Patrick sighed.

“Mikeyway was sick, I’m making sure he’s okay.”

I kissed his cheek, “I appreciate how much you care, babe, but you are driving everyone crazy. Myself included. You’ve been doing this all day and at this point I’m ready to jump out of this moving bus.”

“Or push you out,” Joe scoffed.

“Fuck you,” Pete grumbled.

Patrick laughed, “Awh Pete, we all think it’s adorable. But it got tiring real quick. And Mikey looks like he’s ready to kill you.”

“Exactly,” I nodded, “Thank you, Trick.”

Pete flashed me a smile, “Trick?”

“Okay, someone open the door, we’re throwing him out,” I jumped up.

Everyone around me laughed and I realised, not for the first time, that I loved everyone on that bus. 

“We have a hotel night in a couple of days, right?” Andy asked.

“We do?” Pete perked up instantly.

Patrick chuckled, “We don’t actually. We have the day off on the eleventh but we have to go to Canada so I’m pretty sure we’re just gonna spend the day traveling.”

“Oh,” Pete’s face fell, “Well that’s no fun.”

“Well then let’s do something fun,” I grinned.

It was slightly deceiving, I realised as I heard Pete approaching the bunks.

Okay, more than slightly. But it was so rare that we got to be just us, and those moments were always my favourites.

So yeah saying I wasn’t feeling too great so I could go to bed early was slightly deceiving. And very antisocial - although, I had grown to love the guys from Fall Out Boy so it was no reflection on them - but I knew Pete would be quick to follow me. And I knew I’d have him to myself.

“Hey Mikeyway,” He crawled into the bunk next to me, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me close to him. In his arms, I realised that my deception had definitely been well worth it. He kissed my neck in that way he knew I liked, with just a little teeth, and muttered, “What’s up, baby?”

I shook my head and breathed him in. 

I liked these moments. The moments where I was simply Mikeyway and he was my Peterpan and the rest of the world didn’t matter, it didn’t even exist.

It was just us.

“Where are you gone, Mikes?” He whispered against my neck.

I smiled, “Thinking about us. Thinking about you.”

He pulled away from me slightly to flash me that dazzling smile of his, “Baby, my thoughts of you could heat or cool a room.”

“I have no idea what that means,” I admitted.

“I just really love you.”

“I really love you too.”

His smile only grew, “ _ T'es la plus belle saison de ma vie _ .”

“Don’t be a jerk,” I laughed, “I was being honest. You’re just trying to confuse me.”

He kissed me gently, “I’m being honest too.” Another kiss. “You’re the best thing to ever happen to me, Michael James Way.”

“Are you really trying to full name me, Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz the third?” I cackled.

He rolled his eyes and pulled away from me, “I can’t believe I came after you because I thought there was a problem.”

I sighed, “There’s lots of problems, Peterpan, but I didn’t leave because there was one.”

“Well, Mikeyway, I can take your problems away with a wave of my hand…”

And well concealed in the dark that’s exactly what he did.

We weren’t sure what we’d be doing during the day off so we decided to  _ do something fun  _ the previous day. And Pete’s definition of fun was a swimming pool.

“Are there even water parks in Oregon?” I scoffed as I shoved my things into my backpack.

“Michael, I’m almost certain there are water parks literally everywhere,” He commented as he chewed on a  _ Twizzler _ that I was almost certain he had stolen from Bob.

“Oregon doesn’t seem like a place for water parks.”

“I’m almost certain that it’s a swimming pool with a small slide. Water park is a stretch too far.”

I chuckled, “So I’m right then?”

“I never said such a thing.  _ Twizzler _ ?”

“Are they yours?” 

He smirked a little, “Does it matter?”

Half a pack of  _ Twizzlers  _ and a packed backpack later, we headed off to the overly confident swimming pool.

The next day when we were preparing to leave Oregon, Pete decided to travel on our bus.

“So what’s the plan for the day off?” He asked as he flopped down onto the couch.

“I don’t know what you’re going to do, but we have a demo to work on,” Gerard scoffed.

“So what am I meant to do?”

“Perish,” Frank shrugged.

Pete threw a cushion at him.

We had an early night that night and when we woke up we were in Canada. 

“We should go get snacks!” Pete announced when we were waiting for the coffee to be ready.

“Peter,” My brother hissed, “We have been through this so many times.”

Frank flicked the side of Pete’s head, “No yelling before coffee.”

“No flicking,” Pete flicked him back.

“And we have snacks,” I grunted.

Pete huffed, “No, Mikes, I want Canadian snacks.”

Ray frowned, “Canadian snacks?”

“ _ Maynard’s Wine Gums  _ and  _ Swedish Berries  _ and  _ Smarties  _ and  _ Aero  _ bars!”

“Peter,” Gerard rubbed his eyes, “Please remember what we discussed.”

“But you can’t get them here! Or there or- Look, you can’t get them in the US!”

“ _ Peter _ !” He received a death glare from my brother.

I grabbed the coffee pot before he could and the glare turned on me. I shrugged. 

Pete continued with his loud ramblings about food and I gave up on any attempts at shushing him.

“Mikeyway, how much would you hate me if I killed your boyfriend?” Gerard grumbled.

“I don’t think Mikeyway is comfortable with that word,” Pete told him as he poked around in the cabinet for breakfast. 

My brother wasn’t following. “Killed? But murder sounds so much worse than kill.”

Frank giggled, “So Canadian snacks, huh?”

Cortez and Pete went off to a store to find the Canadian snacks he was so excited about, and my band and I packed into the backroom to go through the demo. Gerard was excited, he had a lot of brilliant plans for the new album and was eager to get started.

But that wouldn’t be officially starting until spring of the next year.

And Pete bouncing around made it quite difficult to even work on the demo. At least he brought good snacks though.

And apparently a movie.

“Why would we want to watch  _ The Notebook _ ?” Frank scoffed.

“It was all they had in the store,” Pete shrugged.

“What store did you go to?”

“I’ll rephrase, there seems to be some confusion. It was all they had in the store for under five dollars that was watchable.”

“It was under five dollars?” Gerard raised an eyebrow as he read the back of the DVD case.

“It used to be in the rental section,” Pete explained sheepishly.

“That explains the scratches,” Frank peered over at Gerard as the disc fell out of the case.

I rolled my eyes, “Well it was a nice gesture, Peterpan.”

He squeezed my hand, “It’s more than just a gesture. You guys desperately need more than zombie movies and  _ Star Wars _ .”

And so we settled in with his piles of snacks and blankets and watched the movie.

And it turned out to be pretty fucking great.

“This was a good idea, sweet little dude,” I whispered to him halfway through the movie. 

He pressed closer to me under the blanket and kissed my neck softly, “I’m just glad it’s better than that weird one Gerard made us watch last week.”

I scoffed, “I’ll have you know that we used to love that movie as kids.”

He smirked, “So that’s what happened to you, huh?”

I nudged him playfully and he laughed.

The movie ended in tears. Gerard wailed. Ray cried a little but made no attempt to hide it. Frank, however, tried his hardest not to let us see he was crying. His attempts were useless, but entertaining for the rest of us all the same. Pete cried on my shoulder and I wept into his hair.

Who the fuck knew a cheesy movie could be so fucking emotional? It was heartbreaking.

“Peter Wentz, you just wanted to see us suffer,” My brother sobbed. Frank wrapped his arms around him and nuzzled his face in the crook of his neck.

“Are we unmanly for crying over this?” Ray sniffled.

“Possibly sucky,” Pete wiped his tears. 

I just held him closer.

+++ 

“Why are you laughing? You’re not meant to laugh. This is meant to be a judgement free zone.”

“I’m not judging!” I giggled, staring at my Converse propped against the dash because I knew if I looked at him I would fall into a fit of laughter, “I just- The image of all of you and Pete absolutely sobbing while watching  _ The Notebook _ is quite possibly one of the greatest things.”

“You might not be judging but you are laughing,” He pointed out, waving his spoon at me, “I didn’t laugh when you spilled ice cream on your shirt.”

“I spilled ice cream on my shirt?”

+++

“I can’t wait to go to Indiana,” Pete muttered when we were awoken the next morning by Bob yelling at Frank.

Actually, I had no proof that he was yelling at Frank but I knew that Frank was one of the few things in the world to make Bob yell at such an early hour.

“Why the fuck are you excited for Indiana?” I grunted.

He laughed, “Mikeyway, we’re staying in a hotel in Indiana. Did no one tell you that?”

“To be honest, I don’t always listen.”

He pressed closer to me so as to kiss me, “Well, Mikeyway, in a few days you and I will get to lock ourselves away in a hotel room together and it is going to be perfect.”

+++

“Mikey?” 

He had been silent for a long moment, looking a little lost. 

“Mikey, are you okay?”

After a moment, Mikey nodded, “Yeah. Yeah, I’m- I’m fine, kid. I just- I think about that a lot, when he said it was going to be perfect… It was far from perfect. Things are gonna go downhill from here and I’m-”

“How about we just go home?” I suggested, “Let’s just go back. We can-”

He shook his head, “No, Nellie, you need to hear this. It just- It was a dark time, I guess. There was, um, a lot that happened between Canada and that hotel day in Indiana. It’s kind of hard to explain and I don’t really have it in me to go into details, you know?”

“That’s okay,” I insisted, “I don’t want to push you.”

+++

My hand was clumsy on Pete’s belt in the dark backroom of Fall Out Boy’s bus. It was the most privacy we’d gotten in a long time and we were eager to make use of it, even though we knew it was limited.

I liked the backroom of Fall Out Boy’s bus. I enjoyed the moments Pete and I shared and I liked the moments after where we lay tangled together sharing our thoughts.

They were some of our most intimate moments, some of my most perfect memories of us.

I was rambling that day. Pete was far away, which was a strange role reversal, and so I was just talking pretty much nonstop about everything that came to my mind, from movies to haircuts to pants to music. 

But as I zipped my jeans back up and made for the door to check that no one had walked onboard during our  _ exchange _ , Pete frowned. Pete looked hurt.

“Hey,” I reached for his hand, “Hey Peterpan, why the long face?”

“Is this all it’s ever gonna be, Mikes?” He sighed, “Waiting in the backroom, clumsily getting each other off, always caring what everyone else thinks? Are we doomed from the start to this?”

“This isn’t so bad,” I tried.

He smiled sadly, “You’re a terrible liar, Mikeyway.”

“Then tell me what to say.”

“That’s just the thing…” He looked utterly broken and I didn’t know how to fix him.

+++

I frowned, “I’m confused. Everything was… Thing’s were going good.”

“That’s just the thing. We had all of these rain clouds hanging over us and suddenly they just got… It was a downpour.”

+++

“Have you seen Pete?”

Frank frowned, “Is he not with you?”

“He was meant to be.” I hadn’t seen him all day. He hadn’t been with the rest of the guys when we’d checked in to the hotel. I had seen him the afternoon before, when he declared that he’d be swapping rooms with Bob so that he and I could have the night together in the hotel. 

But that was over twenty four hours ago. A whole fucking day since I’d seen or heard from him.

“What do you mean?” Gerard appeared then, “Did you two get in a fight?”

“What? No, I just- I don’t know where he is.” I was trying desperately not to freak out. It was dumb, I knew that. But I had a horrible feeling. I sincerely hoped that he was just avoiding me for some stupid unknown reason. Or maybe he was just busy, he got roped into doing something. That had to be it, right?

But there was something wrong, I could feel it.

And whatever had happened, I knew it was my fault.

“Maybe he’s with Patrick?” Frank suggested, a slight edge to his voice. I knew he was picking up on how tense I was feeling. But at least he was trying to disguise it.

Gerard made no such attempt. Instead he decided to voice my worst fears. “He’s gone? What if something happened to him?”

“ _ Gerard _ ,” Frank hissed, shooting him a pointed look.

“What? I- Oh. Yeah. Maybe Frank’s right, he could be with Patrick.” He tried to sound convincing, but worry was written all over his face.

Pete had been pretty all over the place the past few days, saying some stuff that he shouldn’t have said, and talking about what happened in February. There was something wrong. I fucking knew it. 

He hadn’t checked in with us this morning, but he had checked in - according to the lady at reception he had arrived about an hour after we did. But there was no fucking sign of him.

“Will you go get Patrick?” I asked them as I fished my phone from my pocket. “I’m gonna try calling him again and uh- I’m gonna look around, see if I can find him.”

“Fuck, Mikes, is he- Do you think something has happened to him?” Gerard stared at me with wide eyes.

My throat felt tight. “I don’t know. I’m just- Will you- Fuck- will-”

“It’s okay,” Frank hugged me and I wished he wouldn’t. A hug wasn’t what I needed right now. A hug had the potential to make me cry, and I really didn’t need that right now. I just needed to make sure Pete was okay. He pulled away, “We’ll go find Patrick and see if he’s heard from him.”

“Keep your phone on you, okay?” Gerard retreated back into his room, presumably to find shoes, or change out of his Batman pyjamas. 

I was running then, heading back towards my room to check again if Pete had been there. As soon as I opened the door I dialled his number once again, glancing around the room.

It went to voicemail.

“Pete, dude, I need you to fucking answer me,” I tried to keep my voice steady. “I don’t know where you are or why you aren’t picking up but I need to know you’re okay. I don’t know if it’s something I did but I just- I love you, Pete. Please just let me help you.”

The room was still empty, still perfectly neat. The only thing in it was my duffel bag thrown onto the bed. Pete still hadn’t come in.

“Fuck!” I flung my phone onto the bed and kicked the dresser. Then I decided that was a dumb idea and stopped, because the last thing I fucking needed was Brian on my ass for wrecking a hotel. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

I grabbed my phone and texted him.

**(18:52)** **_mikeyway:_ ** _ pete i’m srsly freaked out i just need to know ur ok _

**(18:53)** **_mikeyway:_ ** _ baby come back we can figure it out _

**(18:54)** **_mikeyway:_ ** _ r u in the hotel? _

I walked as I texted, heading downstairs. My plan was to check the lobby and bar again. And wait around for the others. Hopefully someone had heard from him.

I rang again as I waited for the elevator, tapping my foot impatiently.

“Fuck, Pete, will you just pick up the phone? Please just ring me, no one fucking knows where you are. I’m really worried about you, baby, I just need- Fuck. Just don’t do anything stupid. I love you, okay?” I left the voicemail with a sigh as I stepped into the elevator, hitting the button for the lobby.

Fuck.

I wanted to kill the asshole. I wanted to hug him and kiss him and make sure he was okay, but fuck him for putting me through this.

“Mikey!” Patrick called to me as soon as the elevator doors opened.

I rushed towards him, “Did you find him? Have you heard from him?”

Gerard was standing at the desk, talking to the receptionist, and I couldn’t see Frank.

“No luck, man,” Patrick shook his head, “Last I saw him was last night when he went to bed. He was gone when I woke up. I just figured he’d be with you.”

“I haven’t seen him since yesterday.” Don’t panic, don’t panic, don’t panic.

Frank ran over, “He was in the restaurant!” 

“When?” Patrick and I said in unison.

“About an hour ago,” Frank shrugged, “The waiter said he saw him in there for a few minutes and then he left not long after that. He doesn’t know where he went.”

“Mikes,” Gerard joined us, “I talked to the lady over there and she said he checked in.”

“I know,” I nodded, “I asked before I went up to you and Frank.”

“He was in the restaurant,” Frank added.

“He passed through the lobby only about forty five minutes ago,” Gerard told us, “She said he went upstairs.”

“So he’s still in the hotel?” Frank raised an eyebrow.

“It looks like it.”

“Should we split up, go look around for him?” Patrick suggested, “I’ll go get Joe and Andy. What about Ray and Bob?”

“I’m gonna- I’m gonna try to find him. I’ll check the room again and go from there. Just- Call me if you find him?” And then I headed back towards the elevator, leaving them to plan their search party without me. 

I needed to find him, not them.

The elevator moved agonisingly slowly and I couldn’t help but think of the last conversation I’d had with him. He’d been so all over the place.

“I’ve done it all, Mikeyway,” He smiled softly as he brushed his fingers through my hair absentmindedly.

“Oh yeah?” I laughed a little. 

“Yeah,” He nodded, looking distant. “The only thing I haven’t done yet is die.”

I froze. “What?”

He just shrugged, “Letting people down is my thing, baby.”

“Pete, don’t say shit like that.”

He shrugged again.

“I’m fucking serious, man.”

“I know, Mikes. I’m just saying,” Another shrug. “Sometimes we take chances, sometimes we take pills.”

“Stop,” I grabbed his shoulders, trying to shake him, force him to look at me, “Pete, what’s going on?”

“I’m just thinking,” He wouldn’t meet my eye.

“About what?” I pressed.

The shadow of a grin traced it’s way across his lips, “Best Buy.”

My stomach dropped.  _ Best Buy _ . I knew what that meant, I knew what had happened in the parking lot only a few months before.

“Pete,” My voice came out cracked and broken. “Pete,” I said again, “Baby, what’s going on? Don’t- Don’t scare me, please. What’s happening?”

His smile bounced back, but it was strained and fake. “I’m just- I can’t stop feeling sorry for myself, Mikeyway, that’s all. Sometimes I just feel like I’m a scar away from falling apart. But it’s okay.”

“It doesn’t sound okay.”

“Don’t worry about me, kid. I’m fine.”

“Stay with me tonight.” I sounded desperate.

“I can’t.”

“Why not?” 

He shrugged yet again, “I told Trick I’d hang out with him tonight. I can’t cancel on him, he’s already switched hotel rooms for us.”

“Yeah, I suppose,” I sighed, “Will you be okay?”

“I’ll be fine. No more rants or poetry tonight, Mikey.”

It was only now, standing in the elevator trying not to have a panic attack, that I realised that he called me Mikey.

I sent another text.

**(19:17)** **_mikeyway:_ ** _ i’m here. let me help. where r u? _

Fuck. I didn’t even know where to look.

I headed for the room once again, hoping that I’d open the door and see him sitting on the bed with that big toothy grin of his, flicking through the TV channels or ordering room service and then saying something flirty about finally having a bed.

But the room was dark and painfully empty.

I sighed, and slid to the ground, leaning back against the door and dropping my head between my knees.

I let myself cry, let myself sob.

I had no clue where to find him. And he was in a bad way, I could feel it. 

What if something happened to him? What would I do?

I lifted my head, gazing into the dark room and hoping-

I had left the lights on.

I know I had.

The room was bright when I left and I know for a fact that I’d left the lamp on.

He’d been in the room.

I leapt up, flicking on the light and glancing around.

Next to my duffel bag on the bed was Pete’s. 

He had been in the fucking room.

“Pete?” I called and flung open the bathroom door, half expecting to see him in there. But no.

“Fuck,” I muttered and resisted the urge to kick something again.

Instead, I took out my phone again and sent a message to Gee.

**(19:28)** **_mikeyway:_ ** _ pete was here _

I went to his bag and opened it, searching through the contents. And then my phone rang.

“Is he there now?” Gerard asked urgently.

“No, I- His stuff is here. Make sure someone is in the lobby, he might try to leave. He can’t be gone far. I’ll wait here in case he comes back. Call me if you hear anything.” And then I hung up. I sounded strangely calm and I didn’t want to stay on the phone long enough for my calm facade to fade.

I pocketed my phone once again and turned back to Pete’s bag. Inside, tucked between his clothes, there was a notebook. I only hesitated momentarily before pulling it out and flipping through it. 

Obviously, I felt bad about looking through something so personal but if it could help me find him, if it would keep him safe, then there was really no question of whether or not I’d look.

I skimmed over the last couple of pages, the most recent entries.

_ Does he know the way to worship our love?...  _

_ Our days were never numbered… Eternal summer... _

_ I’m in love with my own sins…  _

_ Your hot whisky eyes have fanned the flames…  _

A lot of it was nonsensical ramblings. I was pretty confused for a long moment then  _ hot whisky eyes _ clicked with me. 

_ Hot whisky eyes…  _

That’s what he had called my eyes.

Fuck, it was about me. These words, these ramblings, it was about me. 

I read more, hoping something would stand out and give me a clue as to what was going on right now.

_ I’m half-doomed and you’re semi sweet…  _

_ I try to picture me without you but I can’t, because we could be immortals just not for long…  _

I was strangely flattered, despite everything. He was writing about me. 

It dawned on me then that they could be lyrics, maybe even poetry.

_ Better off against worse for wear… _

_ Could it last?...  _

_ I’ve already given up on myself twice, third time is the charm…  _

_ You are the dreamer and we are the dream…  _

_ My words are my faith… _

_ Sometimes we take chances, sometimes we take pills…  _

My chest tightened when I read that. Those were the words he had spoken to me the day before. 

My phone buzzed shortly after, with a text from Frank, drawing my attention away from the notebook.

**(20:21)** **_frnk:_** _come to the lobby u shouldn’t be alone_

I sighed.

**(20:22)** ** _mikeyway:_** _he might come back_

 **(20:23)** ** _frnk:_** _g is worried abt u_

**(20:23)** **_frnk:_ ** _ just come on down we can send someone else up to wait in the room _

I sighed and headed towards the door. He was right. There was no use in just waiting around. He was somewhere in the hotel, I might be able to find him if I went to the lobby.

**(20:25)** ** _mikeyway:_** _ok omw_

It clicked when I was heading for the elevator.

I glanced at the stairwell and the sign pointing to the roof and it fucking clicked.

_ The roof. _

Of course. 

“Fuck!” I ran, bursting through the stairwell door and running up the stairs as fast as my legs could carry me. I had to grab the rail a couple times, almost tripping up over my own feet.

“Pete!” I yelled, shoving open the door and feeling the cool night air, the misty rain pouring gently. I scanned over the area and there he was, sitting on the wall surrounding the roof. I halted, scared that if I moved any closer he might just throw himself over the edge. “Pete,” I whispered.

He was looking at me, slightly confused. “What are you doing here?” 

I took a cautious step, “Pete, it’s me. Come on, baby, get away from there before you get hurt.”

It was hard not to notice the pill bottles and vodka on the wall next to him. 

“Hi Mikey,” He said. He didn’t sound like himself.

I stepped closer again, “Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

He hummed a tune I didn’t recognise and looked away.

“Pete,” I sounded a lot sharper than I intended. I stepped towards him again and I was close enough to reach out and touch him, “What are you doing?”

“Thinking.”

I shifted closer, “About what?”

“Everything. Life, I guess.”

And then I grabbed him, wrapping my arms around him and pulling him away from the edge. The glass bottle knocked off of the edge and clattered down. We rolled onto the damp ground.

“What the fuck?” Pete yelled but I didn’t ease up my grip. I held my arms around him in an iron grip and didn’t loosen, despite his struggling.

“I’m not fucking letting you go again, dickwad,” I tucked my head against his shoulder and breathed him in, “What the fuck, Pete?” I muttered against him.

He struggled against me, wiggling away from me, “Don’t, Mikey!”

“Don’t what?”

He crawled away from me, “Don’t pretend to care! No one fucking cares.”

“I care! I fucking- Don’t you dare!” I lunged, grabbing onto him again as he reached for the pills. They knocked over, some of them spilling onto the ground. I pulled him against me again and his body went limp in my arms. I sighed, “Pete, baby, look at me. I’m here, okay? I love you. I fucking care. Why the fuck do you think no one cares?”

He fell against me, his head dropping onto my shoulder. “I’m so fucking sick of feeling like this.”

“I know, baby, I know,” I kissed the side of his head, wrapping my arms around him and pulling him into my lap. He started to cry and I smoothed my hand over his hair, which was wet with the rain, kissing everywhere I could.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, you’re okay.”

He sobbed into my shoulder and clung onto me, “It’s not. It’s not. Mikey, I’m so sorry.”

“Shh,” I rubbed smooth circles into his back, “It’s okay, Peterpan. Why are you sorry? You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I was going to jump,” He sobbed and I felt my whole body stiffen. I tightened my grip around him. “I was gonna take all my pills and wash them down with the booze and I was gonna throw myself off the fucking roof just so I made sure I finished the job this time.”

I held him tighter then, half scared that he was going to fade away if I let him go. 

“Please don’t,” I was crying too, “Please, please, don’t go. I love you so fucking much. Don’t do anything like that, ever. Please don’t. I’m so sorry if you thought I don’t care but I do. I fucking- Please just don’t do anything like that, ever. I can help you through this, I’ll do whatever you need me to do, just- Oh God, please don’t fucking leave me. You’re so fucking loved, and the world would be so fucking shitty without you in it, Pete. Okay? Fucking get that into your head. I don’t fucking want this life without you in it. Please, Pete, I’m so f-” My phone was buzzing, ringing in my pocket.

We both stilled and stayed quiet as the phone rang out, tears on our cheeks and rain slowly soaking us both. I stared at him and he stared at me and I let myself feel a little bit of relief. He was okay.

The ringing ended finally and I thought maybe I should text someone to tell-

It started ringing again.

Pete slipped his hand into my jeans pocket and handed it over to me then dropped his head to my shoulder.

“Frank?” I answered.

“Mikey?” It was my brother, not Frank. “Fuck, Mikey, where are you?”

“I can’t talk right now. I’m on the roof. I’m with Pete, just- Stay close, I’ll call you soon.”

“Wait, what? Mikes-” He started, but I was already hanging up.

Pete frowned, “What was that about?”

“We’ve been worried.”

“About me?”

“Yes, Pete, about you,” I sounded a lot harsher than I intended. “I’m sorry, I just- You left our bus yesterday afternoon and I didn’t see you or hear from you since. And Patrick said you were gone before he even woke up this morning. I’ve driven myself crazy all day looking for you. We all have.”

“Really?” His eyes were wide, full of shock.

“Yes,” I groaned and pressed my forehead against his, “Yes, Pete. We all fucking care. We all love you so fucking much.”

He started crying again, dropping his head to my shoulder once more and sobbing against me. I held him as he did so. I wasn’t sure what else to do, so I just held him tightly and breathed him in and hoped to God he knew how much I loved him, how much we all loved him…

“I’m sorry, Mikes,” He gripped onto me, “I’m just so sick of this feeling and I thought- I don’t know what I thought. I’m so sorry, baby. I’m sorry.”

I was crying again too, my tears mixing with the rain and falling onto his hair. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m sorry. I’m sorry too. Let me help you, okay? I’ll help you. I’m here for you, always, okay? I’m here.”

“Until the fifteenth of August,” He mumbled, but I don’t think I was meant to hear it.

“Pete! Mikey!” The door flew open yet again. Patrick and Ray rushed through the door, both looking concerned.

“We’re okay,” I clutched Pete closer and looked up at them, “He’s okay.”

Patrick’s gaze landed on the pills, “Did he…?”

“No, Trick,” Pete muttered into my shoulder, “Mikey got here before I took anything.”

“Are you okay?” Ray asked me, and I nodded, still holding Pete tightly against me. Ray nodded too, “Okay, come on. The two of you need to get up.”

Patrick scooped up the pill bottles, shoving them into his pocket, as Ray helped Pete and I up. I kept an arm wrapped securely around Pete’s waist. He shivered against me. I squeezed him closer and pulled him along, letting Ray lead us back inside. I was eager to get him in so I could properly check that he was okay.

I glanced behind us to make sure Patrick was following, He was, of course. He was standing close to Pete, and I guessed he was probably just as scared as I was.

Ray brought us down the first set of stairs then out to the elevator, which I was thankful for. 

I loosened my grip on Pete in the elevator, letting Patrick hug him and speak to him in a hushed voice. I didn’t try to listen in.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Ray asked, voice low.

“I don’t know,” I admitted, “I just need to make sure he’s okay right now though, you know?”

“Yeah. We’ll talk later then,” He promised and I nodded.

We followed Ray to the room Pete and I were sharing and when Frank opened the door, I idly wondered how he’d gotten in. Gerard and Joe were also in the room. I couldn’t help but feel a little irritated at the fact that everyone was in the little space meant for Pete and I.

“Andy is coming up now, he was in the garage,” Frank told no one in particular. My heart swelled at the fact that they had everything so well orchestrated. Someone at every entrance, the others scouring the hotel. 

“I just wanna go to bed,” Pete mumbled. He seemed a little embarrassed. 

“Yeah, man, of course,” Gerard stood and gestured for the others to follow him to the door.

“Mikey, do you mind if I just…?” Patrick gestured to his best friend and I nodded.

“Yeah, of course,” I followed my brother.

“Is he okay?” Joe questioned once the door shut behind me.

I shrugged. I really didn’t want to be out here answering questions. I just need to be with Pete.

“Thanks for finding him, man,” Joe sounded sincere, “Seriously. I would have never thought of the roof.”

Gerard hugged me then. I hugged him tightly and tried not to cry. It had all been so stressful and I was just so grateful to have my big brother there with me. I’d be so fucking lost without him.

He held me until Patrick came out, then I said a brief goodbye to everyone before rushing back into the room. 

Pete was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking cold and sad.

“Hey.”

He looked up, “Hey, Mikeyway.”

“Well that’s a relief,” I laughed a little shakily.

He smiled, looking a little confused, “What?”

“You were calling me Mikey,” I explained.

“That’s your name, dumbass,” He rolled his eyes.

I sat down beside him and took his hand. “You never call me Mikey.”

“I know,” He sighed, “I just- I’m feeling a little all over the place. I’ll be okay.”

“It’s okay if you’re not.”

“I know. I mean, you guys do have a whole song about it,” He smiled a little and bumped my shoulder. 

“Please, don’t ever put me through this again, Pete,” I croaked out.

“I don’t know what to do,” He muttered.

I squeezed his hand, “I’m here to help you through it all. Always.”

“But you’re not, Mikes,” He sighed, “You’re not gonna be here in a month's time.”

I gulped, “Don’t say that.”

“The truth?”

“We’ll figure it out.” I think I said it more for his sake than anything else.

“How? I just- I’ve been trying to figure it out but there just isn’t- It’s not gonna- Fuck.”

I wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my head on his shoulder, “Whatever happens, I love you. In this moment, here and now, there is nothing I love more in this whole fucking world than you.”

“I love you too, Mikeyway. So so fucking much.” He kissed me then and I let myself relax a little.

“Hey, come on. We need to get you out of these wet clothes.” I stood then and went to his bag, pulling out clothes and then offering him my hand. “You need a hot shower too. The last thing I need right now is for you to have pneumonia.”

+++

“ _ What _ ?” I was just completely lost honestly.

“Nell, so much happened during that summer and I just… I can’t explain it all. Frank called me an unreliable narrator, right? Well, I suppose he isn’t wrong.”

“Mikey, you can’t just leave it at that!” 

He shrugged, “I don’t… It’s a lot, Nell. It’s tough, you know? But, um, maybe make a note of  _ G.I.N.A.S.F.S _ because I guess that’s important here.”

It took me a long moment to actually cop on to what he was saying, but then the lyrics rang through my head and I fucking gasped, “Holy shit.”

“Yep.”

_ You saved my life that night on the roof of your hotel…  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh! I'm so happy to be back. It felt so fucking strange just not posting for so long. I got quite a bit of work done though and I'm pretty happy with what I have written.  
> So how was everyone's holiday season? I had a pretty good Christmas, we didn't do anything much because of Covid but it was still nice. I got some cool t-shirt and stuff and a drawing pad which is pretty incredible. Speaking of drawing, that's one thing I didn't catch up on so that isn't too fun. Also didn't catch up on any college work, but I still have some time. I'm sure I'll figure it out.  
> Currently just rewatching Stranger Things because if it's not this it's gonna be Tales of Arcadia and I literally jut finished rewatching that so Stranger Things is the next on my comfort show list.  
> I didn't really do much this evening for New Years. I just vibed a little and had a couple of glasses of champagne because I don't really think there was much else to do this year. I might meet with my friend over the weekend (we're in a bubble together,, also, we got matching tattoos last week) and celebrate together or something but I don't know yet.  
> Also, since I last updated, I drove on the actual road! Weird thing to be so excited about, I guess, but I only started learning to drive a couple months ago and a couple days ago I was being brought out for my lesson and then I just got to go on the actual road and it was so incredible! Really scary because it was the first time and I had to focus so hard but I'm definitely getting better.  
> So how is everyone doing? Anything exciting happen over the past couple of weeks? I hope everyone is doing well and had a good holiday. And I hope you're all keeping safe!   
> What did everyone think of the chapter? This is another one of those ones where different scenes where written at a few different times, but I think it kind of fell together nicely. At least I hope so. Let me know your thoughts! I always love reading your comments.  
> I hope everyone is well. I'm going to stop ranting now. Thanks for reading!  
> Stay safe and stay spooky y'all! xo jadda


	20. Gerard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all, I'd just like to say that this is a bit of a filler chapter because I'm kind of building up to something at the minute, which I'm really excited about. Also, this chapter was originally a lot shorter than this and I was going to post it a few hours ago but then during editing I decided to add on a lot to it. It was only 6 pages and then it became 13, so that was how I spent my Friday afternoon. And I know the repetition probably gets a little annoying for you guys but there's just some stuff that I want to show more sides of the story, you know?  
> Anyway, here's the chapter... Enjoy!

“What the fuck is that?” I looked at Mikey with wide eyes, searching for answers.

We had returned home to find a suitcase in the hallway. Gerard’s suitcase.

Mikey frowned and called out, “Frank? Gerard?”

Lois came bounding over to us, jumping up excitedly for a moment and then running off again. I raised an eyebrow and gestured at Mikey. We followed her into the kitchen and I could see Gerard pacing up and down outside the glass doors with his phone in his hand.

But Frank wasn’t around.

“What the fuck is going on?” Mikey sighed and gestured at his brother who simply waved and continued his conversation. 

“We can figure this out. Okay, Frank is probably downstairs hiding and pretending he’s practicing or something. So you taking Frank or Gerard?”

“You pick.”

I rolled my eyes, “I’ll try G. You go make sure Frank is okay.”

Mikey headed downstairs and I made coffee, because I wasn’t entirely sure what else to do. And then I sipped coffee and waited for Gerard to finish his conversation.

“Hey,” He offered me a strained smile when he came back in.

“Why’s your suitcase in the hall?”

The smile fell instantly. “Oh, yeah. About that…” He scratched the back of his neck, “I was gonna tell you. I’ve been on the phone. I’ve booked us flights home.”

“Already? Without telling me?”

He sighed, “Nellie, we can’t just stay here forever. We need to go home.”

“This is home.”

Gerard laughed a little, “It was home. And it’s where I’m from and I suppose it’ll always be home in a way, but it isn’t home anymore. LA is my home, that’s where my life is.” 

“No but-”  _ this is my home _ . The words never left my lips because I knew that New Jersey wasn’t my home, it was simply the people I’d been with. I sighed, “I’m not ready to leave.”

“We can’t stay here forever,” He repeated.

I pleaded, “Not forever, just a little longer. Please. I’m not ready to leave yet, this has been- Please Gerard, this has been so incredible. Don’t make me leave yet.”

“We’re not leaving yet,” His voice softened, “It’s okay, Nell. You have a few days still. I couldn’t get a flight until then. It was a bit of a waste of my time to pack my bag so soon.”

“A few days? That’s… You should have talked to Mikey and I first! You shouldn’t have made this decision without us!”

“I’m sorry. Really, Nellie, I’m genuinely sorry. But I just can’t stay here much longer.”

“What happened?”

He glanced around, eyeing my coffee mug, “Is there enough in the pot for me?”

So I made him a cup of coffee and we sat at the kitchen table.

“Where’s Mikey?”

“He’s gone to talk to Frank.”

Gerard chuckled, “So you split into teams, huh? Is this some  _ Parent Trap _ level shit?”

I laughed, “You really think Mikey and I are that clever? Come on now, G, what happened?”

“Nothing happened,” He sighed.

“Something obviously happened for you to want to run away all of a sudden.”

“Nothing happened. It’s just everything. All the emotions from the past coming back, you know?”

+++

We had just gotten to Indiana and checked into the hotel when Frank got it into his head that it might be a good idea to go shopping.

“You don’t like shopping,” I pointed out. I was happy to sprawl out on the comfortable hotel bed with him. I didn’t really feel the need to leave the room. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him back onto the bed with me.

He rolled his eyes and wiggled out of my grip, “It’s not about liking shopping or not. It’s about the fact that we have something very fucking important in like a month. We might need to get some shit for that.” He poked my side playfully.

It took me a long moment to realise. “Oh.  _ Oh _ . Yeah. Okay. Should I change?”

“Your shirt has a hole in it,” He sighed, poking his finger into my side again, “And you’re wearing Batman pyjama pants.”

I glanced down and sure enough there was a tear in my shirt right where he was poking me. 

“So…?”

Frank rolled his eyes yet again, “Yes, Gerard, you should change.”

In the time it took Frank to phone the lobby and find out where we could go shopping, I hunted through my bag for a clean shirt and jeans and changed into something relatively decent. There was a funky stain on the jeans but it was fine.

“You’re good with walking there, right?” Frank asked as he put the phone down. 

“No,” I grunted.

He laughed and stretched to kiss me, “Perfect. I’ll grab my shoes and we can start walking.”

I wrapped my arms around him and held him against me, “Or we could stay here and keep doing this.” I kissed him again, tugging him back towards the bed.

He pushed me back a little, “No way. We have shit to do, baby. Come on, we’ll play your Starbucks game. And if it doesn’t work, I’ll pay.”

I grinned, “Okay, you win. We can go. But Starbucks first.”

We were in the mall by the time we found a Starbucks.

When I took off my sunglasses, Frank rolled his eyes, “You’re ridiculous.”

“You love me.”

He scoffed, “I can love you and still think you’re ridiculous.”

I picked out a muffin, because I was hungry and it looked like a really good muffin, and then we ordered coffees. And as if on queue…

“Oh my gosh, are you…?” The guy at the till widened his eyes, “No fucking way! You’re Gerard and Frank, you’re- Dude, I fucking love My Chemical Romance! You guys are awesome!”

I flashed Frank a smug smile before turning to the guy, “Thank you so much, man. That really means a lot.”

“Nice to meet you, man,” Frank was trying not to roll his eyes, I could fucking tell. 

The guy asked us to wait while he called his coworker over and the two of them seemed completely overjoyed by Frank and I’s presence. We signed stuff for them and took pictures and got free coffee.

I was smug. Frank called me ridiculous a few more times, which I guess was fair.

“So where to first?  _ Hot Topic  _ to see if they give us any shirts for free?” He teased.

“Well now you’re just being mean,” I laughed, “Admit it, it’s pretty fucking cool when you go into Starbucks and they recognise you.”

“I will admit no such thing.”

I scoffed, “Because you’re a stubborn fucker.”

“No, because it doesn’t matter to me,” He rolled his eyes, “I like Starbucks, but I’m not obsessed the way you and Mikey are.”

“Sweetheart, who doesn’t love Starbucks?” I just earned another eye roll for that.

We found a bench then and sat there drinking our coffees and sharing the muffin. It was so perfect that I completely forgot what we were actually there to do.

“Hey,” I laughed, “You know, I think this might be our first actual date.”

Frank broke off another piece of the muffin, “What? No way. We’ve been on dates.”

“Have we? Frank, we only got together properly at the start of the summer. We haven’t been on a date.”

He offered me the piece of muffin and frowned, “So we’re getting married in like a month, but we’ve never been on a date?”

“Technically, no. I mean sure we’ve hung out plenty, but this is our first time to go on a cheesy date. Fuck, I’m a terrible boyfriend. I didn’t even bring you on a date when I proposed.”

Suddenly, he began to grin, “Well then, Gerard Way, I have to insist we go on a date.”

“What?” I chuckled.

“Full on cheesy, cringey, teen movie date. It’s gotta happen,” He beamed, “Baby, I love you and I want to marry you. I don’t need to go on some stupid cheesy date to know that. But I fucking want to take you on a date before we get married. It has to happen.”

“What do you have in mind?”

He shrugged, “We could go see a movie? There’s a movie theater in the mall, let’s just go see the next thing they’re showing. Whatever it is. And then we can get food. And then we’ll find a jewelry store.”

I couldn’t help but laugh, “We’re getting married in a month and literally out shopping for wedding rings and only now going on our first date.”

“I guess we’re doing things a little fucked up. What else is to be expected with us? Come on, G. Let’s go on a date.”

The next thing the theater was showing was some comedy with Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson and Frank happily went along with that, ordering us a bucket of popcorn to go with it. 

We didn’t have to concentrate too hard on the movie. It was a light-hearted comedy and easy enough to follow so I could focus most of my attention on Frank, sitting next to me at the back of the dark theater, and it was  _ perfect _ .

“Hey!” Frank flailed a little and pulled away from me about twenty minutes into the movie, “Look!  _ Look _ !” He whisper-shouted.

I raised an eyebrow.

He sighed, “Look! It’s the girl from that movie the other night. The fucking- We cried, Gerard.  _ The Notebook _ !”

I squinted at the screen again. Sure enough, the girl with the dark hair looked like the girl from  _ The Notebook _ . Huh.

“Do you see?” Frank urged, as if this was somehow of great importance.

I nodded, “I see.” And then I leaned towards him and caught him in a kiss.

Like I said,  _ perfect _ .

The movie was pretty decent too, I guess.

We got more coffee after the movie ended, it was essential for going shopping.

“I think I’ll include this in my vows: Even when you look like an asshole, I love you with all my heart,” Frank said with a laugh as I sipped coffee.

I smiled, “I love you too, Frankie. But how do I look like an asshole?”

“Sunglasses inside,” He scoffed and plucked them off of me, “The rockstar life is taking over, huh?”

“Or the vampire life,” I laughed, “I can’t deal with bright light.”

“Now you just sound like a gremlin,” He cackled.

We made our way to the jewelry store and were greeted there by a snobby woman in a pantsuit. Frank seemed to actually know what he was doing and so I followed him to a glass case where we picked out our fucking wedding rings, which was insane. But so fucking great. When the pantsuit lady came over to help us, she kept glaring at me for drinking my coffee in the store, and Frank told me to wait outside. I begrudgingly obliged, seeing as I’d already made my decision on the whole ring thing anyway, and skulked off to find a comic book store. I also figured it was less about the fact that I was drinking coffee in the store and more about how we looked. And, let’s be real, we didn’t smell too great either.

But at least we had a shower waiting for us in the hotel. And I couldn’t fucking wait.

As I wandered around the comic book store, I couldn’t help but think of my brother who had been a little off earlier that day. Something to do with Pete, maybe a fight but I wasn’t sure. I decided I’d have to talk to him about it later. But like the good big brother I was, I picked up a couple of comics I knew he’d like in hopes of cheering him up a little.

I’d have to talk to him about everything that was going on, he seemed a little all over the place with it all. I supposed a lot had happened since the beginning of the summer, he was bound to feel a little confused. I just needed to talk to him about it all and then things would be okay. 

And the comics would obviously help too.

So I bought the comics for Mikey, and then when I was picking one out for myself I felt bad and decided to get a couple for Ray and Frank too. 

Happy with having spent too much in the comic book store, I made my way back to the jewelry store where I’d left Frank and found a bench nearby to sit on while I waited for him.

“I hope you fucking got me something,” He declared when he saw the bag from the comic book store. 

I laughed, “Of course, sweetheart. I’m not that much of an asshole. So… what’s in your bag?” I was eager to see the objects we’d be wearing for the rest of our lives.

“I’ll show you at the hotel. Are you ready to go?” He offered me his hand up.

I gladly accepted it, “Fuck yeah. I started thinking about having a shower and now it’s all I can think about.”

He sniggered, “You sure about that?”

“Well I can also think of a lot of fun things to do in the shower.”

I managed to convince Frank to make a third trip to Starbucks on our way back to the hotel, using Mikey as my excuse. But that meant that I had to also get coffee for Mikey and Pete and it also meant a trip to their room to drop off the coffees and the comics I’d gotten for my brother.

“I can’t believe the lengths you go to for coffee,” Frank laughed as he brushed his lips against mine before we parted ways. He headed to our room to put the stuff from the jewelry store away while I headed for my brother’s room.

“Pete, I-” He started as he pulled open the door but cut off instantly when he saw me. His face fell, “Oh.”

“Fucking good to see you too,” I scoffed as I stepped into the room, “Where’s Pete?”

“He’s, um… He’s- I don’t fucking know, actually” He tugged at his hair, “I haven’t seen him. I think he’s just busy with… stuff.”

“Stuff?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah,” He shrugged, “Clandestine, interviews, the band… I don’t know. I’m just waiting for him to get here. What’s up with you?”

“Oh, right, yeah,” I offered him the cup holder and plastic bag, “I brought coffee and comics.”

He accepted them with a smile, “This is awesome. Thanks G.”

“No problem,” I smiled too, “Hey, do you want me to wait too? I don’t mind sticking around until Pete gets here.”

He waved his hand dismissively, “No need. I’m okay. I’m pretty sure he’s gonna be here soon anyway. Go do your thing, it’s okay.”

”You seem a little…” I frowned, “I don’t know man, you just seem a little off.”

“It’s nothing,” He busied himself taking a gulp of coffee.

“Did something happen with Pete?”

His face sharpened almost instantly, “No. Why would you say that?  _ No _ .”

I widened my eyes, “Okay. Okay, I just thought maybe- Nevermind. Is Pete gonna be back soon? I could stick around for a while, we could watch a movie. Frank made me go shopping so my social battery is pretty worn out. We can pretend we’re back home and-”

“Gerard,” He sighed, “Seriously man, I’m fine. Go. Frank will be worried about you. Pete will be here soon. It’s okay.”

I didn’t entirely believe him but I knew there was no use in fighting him so instead I simply hugged my brother and bid him goodbye.

In all honesty, I couldn’t wait to get back to my room and to see Frank’s purchase.

I didn’t get a chance to look in the bag from the jewelry store. When I got to the room, Frank was in the shower so obviously I joined him.

+++

“I’m not elaborating on that,” Gerard’s face scrunched up, “That would be weird.”

I pondered it then nodded, “Yeah I don’t want to hear about what my dad’s got up to in the shower.”

+++

We weren’t long out of the shower when there was a knock on the door. My hair was still damp and I had only settled on the bed in my pyjamas. I groaned at the abrupt sound.

Frank chuckled, “It’s fine, baby, I’ll get it.” He hopped up and went to the door.

My brother’s panicked voice rang through our room. “Have you seen Pete?”

Immediately, I was on my feet.

Frank was instantly more alert, all playfulness gone from his tone. “Is he not with you?”

“He was meant to be.” 

Mikey’s mood earlier suddenly made so much sense.

I nudged myself into the doorway with Frank, “What do you mean? Did you two get in a fight?”

My brother scowled, “What? No, I just- I don’t know where he is.” 

“Maybe he’s with Patrick?” Frank’s voice was far too light.

Did he not realise how serious this was? Pete was  _ gone _ .

“He’s gone?” I asked for confirmation because this was fucking serious. “What if something happened to him?”

My brother’s eyes widened, panic seeping into his face.

“ _ Gerard _ ,” Frank elbowed me in my ribs and glared at me.

“What? I- Oh.” Oh.  _ Oh _ . Okay. So he knew how serious it was, he was playing it cool for Mikey’s benefit. I rushed to amend myself, “Yeah. Maybe Frank’s right, he could be with Patrick.” But wouldn’t Patrick have eased my little brother’s concern by now if he was.

Mikey nodded, looking jittery as he took his phone out, “Will you go get Patrick? I’m gonna try calling him again and uh- I’m gonna look around, see if I can find him.” His face was pained.

Oh God. Oh fuck. Oh no, something seriously fucking bad had happened. “Fuck, Mikes, is he- Do you think something has happened to him?” 

His voice broke, “I don’t know. I’m just- Will you- Fuck- will-”

Frank pulled my brother into a tight embrace, “It’s okay,” He muttered reassuringly, “We’ll go find Patrick and see if he’s heard from him.”

“Keep your phone on you, okay?” I called as he ran down the corridor and I headed back into the room to find shoes.

“Do you know what’s going on?” Frank asked, tossing my sneakers over to me.

I shook my head, “No fucking clue. Do you think he’s- Fuck, Frankie, do you think he’d do something?”

He hesitated as he zipped up his hoodie, “I don’t know, G. I really don’t. I hope not.”

I reached for his hand as we headed out of the room and let him lead the way to Patrick’s room. I knocked on the door.

“Hey guys,” Patrick smiled when he opened the door, “Good to see you, is-” His face fell as he took us in, “What happened?”

Frank gulped, “Pete’s gone, man. We, um, we-”

“Mikey’s worried,” I told him, “He hasn’t seen him since yesterday and we were just hoping he’d be here,” I craned my neck to glance into the empty room behind him, “Or maybe that you’d know where he is.”

He shook his head, “I haven’t heard from him. He seemed pretty bummed last night going to bed but I just guessed that was because he wasn’t with Mikey. And then when he was gone this morning-”

“You presumed he was with Mikey,” Frank ran a hand through his hair, “Fuck. Okay, um, maybe we could ask around downstairs? Mikey said he checked in, I think.”

Patrick nodded, “Yeah, maybe someone has seen him. I’ll come with you.”

Frank texted Ray as we walked, and Patrick texted his bandmates. It was obvious that this was a lot more serious than Pete just taking a day to himself. I couldn’t begin to fully understand what was going on with him but I knew it was nothing good. 

Patrick waited in the lobby while Frank and I went to ask around. He waited for the others to arrive, Frank headed for the restaurant and I went to the reception desk.

“Hi,” I tried to flash my best smile, “I’m just wondering if you could help me out?”

She returned my smile, “Of course. How can I help?”

“I’m staying here with some friends and I can’t seem to find one of them,” I forced a laugh, “Would you be able to tell me if he checked in?” I gave her Mikey’s room number, “And his name’s Pete Wentz. We’re just a little worried.”

She frowned, “I’m not really meant to disclose that information.”

“I understand that,” I nodded, “But, um, this is kind of serious. Our rooms were booked together, you can check if you want to. And my brother will have already checked into the room. Please. I’m not asking for any personal information, I just need to know if he’s safe.”

Her brow furrowed but after a moment she nodded, “Alright. I can try to help. Can I get your room number and the name it’s under?”

I gave her the number, “And it should be under Anthony Arthur.” Frank and I thought we were so fucking clever for using our middle names together.

She nodded again as she tapped at your computer, “And your brother and friend?”

“Michael James and Pete Wentz.”

She frowned, “There’s no Pete Wentz here.”

“So he hasn’t checked in?”

She glanced up from the computer, “We have no record of him. Michael James checked in this morning to that room but there’s no Pete Wentz on our system.”

“Shit, um-” What the fuck name did he use? “Lewis Kingston,” I tried, “Did Lewis Kingston check into the room?”

She looked back at the computer and her polite smile bounced back, “Yes. Mr Kingston checked in this afternoon.”

He had been in the hotel. That was good, right? That was something…

“Do you know where he went? Do you know if he’s been to the room?”

She shook her head, “I’m afraid not.”

I nodded, offering her a tense smile, “Okay. Thank you for your help.”

“Wait,” She called as I turned away, “Look, I checked him in this afternoon and I saw him only about forty five minutes ago. He was in the lobby and he took the elevator upstairs. I don’t know anymore than that though.”

“Thank you so much,” My smile was more genuine this time, “Sincerely, thank you.”

I spun around and headed back towards Patrick. Frank and Mikey were with him.

“Mikes!” I couldn’t help but grin, “I talked to the lady over there and she said he checked in.”

“I know,” He sounded solemn, “I asked before I went up to you and Frank.”

“He was in the restaurant,” Frank told us.

I was quick to add, “He passed through the lobby only about forty five minutes ago. She said he went upstairs.”

Mikey’s eyes lit up, the smallest amount of hope shining through.

“So he’s definitely still in the hotel?” Frank raised an eyebrow.

“It looks like it.”

“Should we split up, go look around for him?” Patrick suggested, “I’ll go get Joe and Andy. What about Ray and Bob?”

Mikey wasn’t listening. He was already walking away, “I’m gonna- I’m gonna try to find him. I’ll check the room again and go from there. Just- Call me if you find him?” He ran for the elevator then, without looking back.

“Mikey!” I started after him, but Frank held me back.

“G, don’t,” He squeezed my arm, “Trust me, okay? He needs to deal with this himself right now. We’ve been in this situation before.”

Patrick looked between us and frowned, looking as if he was about to question us.

Frank beat him to it, “Patrick, are Joe and Andy coming down? Ray said he and Bob were taking the back stairwell just to check if he’s there. Where are your guys?”

“Andy’s gone to the garage in case Pete goes that way. He’s gonna ask around, see if anyone has seen him and ask the guys there to keep an eye out. And Joe’s been in the room phoning around places Pete might go and, um, pharmacies and hospitals.”

My stomach dropped. We’d avoided saying it, but there it was. There was no avoiding it now.

I took a deep breath, “If it were me-”

“G, you don’t have to,” Frank’s grip tightened.

I shook my head, “No, it’s okay. Look, if it were me I’d go to a liquor store, so if Joe’s ringing around he needs to take that into consideration. That doesn’t exactly narrow anything down though… Mikey mentioned that he’s on meds?”

Patrick nodded, “Yeah, he’s on some stuff for his anxiety and because of, you know, what happened, I guess.”

“Are they strong?”

He shrugged, “Strong enough, I guess.”

“Okay,” I pushed my hair out of my face, “Okay. Does he have them? Or a way of getting them?”

“Oh fuck,” Frank muttered.

Patrick paled, “I, um, I- He doesn’t have them.”

“Where are they? Can he get to them?”

“I- I don’t know,” He sounded flustered, “Oh my- Gerard, I don’t know. What if he-”

“Patrick, it’s okay, man,” Frank said soothingly, “Where are they?”

“In the cabinet on our bus. I-” The poor guy looked as if he was going to burst into tears.

“Okay, okay,” Frank nodded, “Calm down, it’s okay. I’ll get Joe to come down. The two of you go check the bus and we’ll keep a look out here. It’s going to be okay.” He gave my arm one last reassuring squeeze and offered Patrick a smile before rushing for the elevators to go find Joe.

Patrick slumped down onto the couch in the lobby and dropped his head into his hands.

I cautiously sat down next to him, “Do you know my brother well?”

He peered at me from between his fingers, “What?”

“Mikey, how well do you know him?”

“Not half as well as Pete does.”

I smiled down at my pyjama pants, “That’s fair. I doubt he ever told you about what happened before we finished  _ Revenge _ , huh?”

He frowned, “No?”

“Yeah, I thought as much,” I nodded, “So, um, when we were recording  _ Revenge _ and I wasn’t in the best place I thought it would be a good idea to disappear and not tell anyone where I went. I left a note, saying goodbye I guess,” I scratched the back of my neck, “I was going to take some shit and slip away I guess. I was just done. And none of us really talk about that much, I think the guys know how guilty I feel over what I did. But they were there for me, and they’ll be here for Pete too.”

“And if it’s too late?” He whispered.

“We’ll find him. I’m living proof that it gets better. It won’t be too late.” I wasn’t sure what to say. My attempt at reassuring the guy hadn’t really worked.

I was saved by the bell, in a way. My phone went off and I dug it out of my hoodie pocket, hoping for good news.

**(19:28)** ** _mikeyway:_** _pete was here_

“Patrick!” I nudged the younger man and he leaned over to peer at my phone. His eyes widened hopefully as I dialled my brother’s number.

He picked up almost instantly.

“Is he there now?” I knew before the words had even left my lips that he hadn’t been. My brother was still none the wiser as to Pete’s whereabouts.

His voice was gentle and flat, “No, I- His stuff is here. Make sure someone is in the lobby, he might try to leave. He can’t be gone far. I’ll wait here in case he comes back. Call me if you hear anything.” He hung up without another word, sounding far too methodical and completely void of emotion. 

I needed to get to him. I needed to be there for my little brother.

“Is he…?” Patrick’s face fell as he trailed off. I shook my head.

Frank returned moments later with Joe in tow and then he and Patrick rushed off. As I was catching Frank up on what had happened, Ray and Bob appeared. I filled them in too.

“We checked the stairwell, and did a quick sweep of the floors on our way down. No sign of him,” Ray sighed, “Where the fuck could he be?”

“As far as we know he’s still in the hotel, right?” Bob asked.

I nodded, “Yeah, we think so. Mikey’s upstairs in the room in case he comes back there and Patrick and Joe are gone to check the bus.”

“Andy’s in the garage in case he comes or goes that way,” Frank put in, “And Mikey wants someone here in the lobby so we can catch him if he comes this way.”

“I’ll stay here,” Bob nodded, “I’ve got my cell phone so I’ll let you know if I spot him.” He settled down on the couch where Patrick and I had been sitting.

Ray’s face scrunched up in concentration, “Are there cameras?”

Frank frowned, “What?”

He rolled his eyes, “Cameras in the hotel? They’re bound to have them, right?”

“Yeah but they’re not just going to let us snoop on their CCTV, Toro,” Frank scoffed.

“They might have security though. And they’ll surely be able to access the cameras. Look, I’m going to see if I can talk to someone about it, maybe I’ll ask if they can check it for me,” He shrugged, “It’s worth a shot.” Ray headed off then, leaving Frank and I a little perplexed as to what we should do.

“Why don’t you just scout the place again?” Bob suggested.

Frank nodded and steered me down the corridor while I tried not to laugh at the fact that we were told to  _ scout the place _ . It was dumb and definitely not the time to be giggling, but there was just something so stupidly funny about it.

“We’re wasting our time just walking around,” Frank sighed, “He’s not gonna just be hanging out in the fucking hallways. He could be fucking anywhere.”

I grunted, “I know, but we can’t just sit around waiting for something to happen. What else can we do? It’s not like we can go door to door asking if anyone has seen him.”

He halted and turned to me with a raised eyebrow, “I mean…”

I sighed, “Frank, no. We can’t.”

“If it comes to it, I think it could be an option.”

“Or a way of getting us kicked out of the hotel,” I scoffed.

He rolled his eyes and cleared his throat, “Excuse me,” He stopped a lady in the corridor, “Hi, sorry to bother you, ma’am. We’re just looking for my friend. Dark hair, about my height, tattoos, tanned I guess… Have you seen him?”

She shot him a polite, apologetic smile, “I’m afraid not, dear.” And then she walked on.

I laughed, “Oh yeah, that definitely worked, Frankie.”

“Well at least I tried,” He sighed, “We’re just going around in circles, G.”

We looped back around to the lobby and rejoined Bob and Ray.

“So any luck with your CCTV idea?” Frank teased.

“Not entirely,” Ray murmured, “They said they’d keep an eye out but…”

“Well it was worth a shot,” I remarked.

“Hey look,” Frank nudged me.

I turned as Patrick and Joe made their way towards us. I didn’t even need to ask. The looks painted across their faces told us everything we needed to know.

Frank pulled out his phone.

“Shit,” Ray muttered.

“Someone needs to tell Mikey,” Patrick mumbled.

I shook my head, “He shouldn’t be alone right now”

“Don’t worry, I texted him,” Frank reached for my hand, “He’s on his way down, it’s gonna be okay.”

“So what now?” Joe asked, “We’ve tried absolutely everything we can think of.”

“We keep trying,” I insisted, “He can’t have just disappeared off the face of the earth.”

He nodded, “Okay. I’m gonna go check in with Andy.”

“Someone should wait here for Mikey,” Frank put in.

“I’ll go ask around the bar again,” Bob got to his feet.

Ray, Patrick, Frank and I stood around waiting for my brother. We were waiting too long, I realised.

“Shouldn’t he be here by now?” 

Ray furrowed his brows, “He should, it doesn’t take that long.”

“Maybe he’s with Pete,” Patrick’s face lit up, “I’m gonna go check!” He was rushing off before we could say another word.

“I’m gonna-” Ray rushed after him.

“Fuck,” Frank muttered as we watched them leave.

I tugged at my hair, “What the fuck are we meant to do now?”

“We should try Mikey again.”

I dipped my hand into my hoodie pocket and pulled out my phone, dialling my brother’s number. 

It rang out.

I shook my head, “No answer.”

Frank watched me with wide eyes, “Oh shit.”

I redialled.

Thankfully, he picked up.

“Frank?” My brother’s voice was shaky.

I feared the worst. “Mikey? Fuck, Mikey, where are you?”

He rushed out, “I can’t talk right now. I’m on the roof. I’m with Pete, just- Stay close, I’ll call you soon.”

“Wait, what? Mikes, what do you-” The line went dead.

“What happened?” Frank urged.

“The roof!” I yelled, already dialling Ray’s number. 

He picked up almost instantly, “G?”

“They’re on the fucking roof!” I cried out, earning a few looks from others in the lobby. “Get to the roof, they’re on the roof!”

“Fuck, are you- Patrick, the roof!” He told him, “Okay, G, we’ll go up. Wait in their room.”

I pocketed my phone once again and Frank and I made our way towards the elevators.

“What happened?” Frank demanded as I jammed the buttons to call the elevator.

“Pete’s on the fucking roof!”

His face turned white, “Oh fuck.” 

“Guys!” Joe called out and rushed to join us, “Any update?”

“They’re on the roof,” Frank told him.

He practically leapt into the lift, “How the hell do we get to the roof?”

I shook my head, “We don’t. Ray said to wait in Mikey’s room.”

Frank sighed. “How do we get in there?”

“Oh.” Well  _ shit _ . I hadn’t thought of that, and I doubted Ray had either.

“I have a key!” Joe said excitedly, producing it from his pocket, “I got it from reception.”

I didn’t even bother to ask how, instead we simply rushed to the door where we waited impatiently. I perched on the edge of the beed, Joe sat in a chair and Frank paced the floor.

He was stressed and worried and I didn’t know how to help him. I knew he was close to Pete, so I couldn’t imagine what he must have been feeling.

Joe sighed, “I texted Andy and let him know what’s happening. He’s on his way up now. You okay, Frank?”

“I should get up there,” He uttered as he paced, “We should be helping them. We-” He was cut off by a knock on the door and he flew across the room to open the door.

Mikey had his arms around Pete as the four of them filed into the room. My brother, who was usually so good at keeping up a poker face, had hurt and pain written all over his features. 

My heart ached for him.

I couldn’t imagine being in his shoes. I don’t know how I would get through it.

“Andy is coming up now, he was in the garage,” Frank announced. It was then I realised that in a way he had been in Mikey’s shoes once and I hated myself a little for it.

Pete looked drained, “I just wanna go to bed.”

“Yeah, man, of course,” I rushed to get off the bed and out of the room. Mikey followed me, allowing Patrick a moment with Pete.

“Is he okay?” Joe asked my brother, who only shrugged. He smiled understandingly, “Thanks for finding him, man. Seriously. I would have never thought of the roof.”

Mikey nodded, looking a little dazed. At that moment, all I saw was my kid brother. All I could see was the pain he was in. And all I wanted to do was help him.

I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him into a tight embrace. He fell against me, clinging on to me.

“It’s okay, Mikey,” I whispered as he squeezed a fistful of my hoodie, “Everything is going to be okay…” I wanted to help him, I didn’t want to watch him suffer but I knew there was nothing I could do. My brother was in love with Pete and he felt his suffering even deeper than his own.

Mikey clung to me until Patrick came back out.

“Thanks Mikey,” He patted him on the shoulder, “He seems pretty exhausted so I’ll leave you to it.”

Frank and Ray hugged Mikey and then I pulled him into a tight hug once again.

“He’s going to be okay,” I reassured him and he nodded. I smiled, “You know where I am if you need me, okay?” I received another nod and he slipped into the room without another word.

Frank wrapped his arm around my waist, “Hey, come on G. Let them get some rest.”

+++

Before anything else could be said, we could hear the others making their way upstairs.

Mikey glared at his brother when he came into the kitchen, “I think it’s time we talk.”

“Mikey, no,” Frank nudged him.

“Yes, Frank,” He said through gritted teeth. I’d never seen Mikey look angry before but he genuinely did in that moment and it was frightening.

I looked between the three of them in alarm, waiting for someone to explode, for someone to start yelling. 

But it didn’t happen. 

Gerard just nodded, “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Is the kid allowed to be here?” 

“I think,” He shot his brother a death stare, “Nell is going to want to get as much time with Frank as she can before you make her leave.” His snarkiness was unsurprising, but the angry undertone was shocking.

“Why don’t we go get coffee then?” Gerard suggested, and something unspoken passed between him and his brother.

It seemed to be a silent truce because some of the tension eased and Mikey nodded, “Okay. Sure. I’ll go get my keys. Come on.” Some of the anger had faded.

Gerard just nodded at Frank and I and then slipped out after his brother. A moment later the front door shut behind them.

I turned to Frank with a raised eyebrow, “I think we have a lot to unpack here, don’t you?”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How's everyone doing? I'm not going to lie, 2021 has been a long year already. Anyone else feeling that? I feel like this week has been never ending. How has been for you guys? I hope everyone has been having a good week.  
> Wow I can't believe there's been twenty chapters, that's so wild to me. I hope everyone has been enjoying the story and I want to thank you all for reading it.  
> So I'd just like to say that I know Pete hasn't been getting enough attention as the other three but I can reassure you that I'm building towards having more of Pete and it's just kind of about getting there, you know? I have all of the story figured out in my head, like I know exactly what's going to happen, but I just need to get it all out now. Also, I'm almost at 300 pages for this fic on Google Docs and I'm nowhere near done. This is genuinely the longest thing I've ever written.   
> Fun thing that has happened also is being put back in full lockdown and my school being shut literally only a few weeks before a big deadline so that's really not great. Obviously I'm happy that it's shut because it's just not safe to stay open but I'm really not looking forward to having to try work towards this deadline from home. Hopefully it will work itself out though.  
> Completely unrelated to anything, but does anyone watch Cobra Kai? I absolutely love it and I was so excited for season three that I watched it all straight away and now I'm sad that I don't have any more of it to watch. I watched The Karate Kid last night with my little sister though and now I'm watching Cobra Kai again because it's just that good.  
> On a more serious note, I hope everyone is safe and well. We're living in crazy times and so I hope everyone is doing good. Stay positive and test negative! Stay home, wear a mask, keep your distance and stay safe.  
> I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter! What did you think of it? Let me know in the comments! I love reading them :)  
> I think that's all from me for now. I'm gonna go write some more, maybe watch some more Cobra Kai and possibly even start the new season of A Discovery of Witches... So if anyone needs me for the next week, between online classes and working on my portfolio, that's where I'm going to be.  
> I hope you all have a good week, and I'll see you soon!  
> Stay home, stay safe and stay spooky! xo jadda


	21. Mikey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has not been properly edited so I'm sorry if there are any mistakes. I've had a really chaotic week and I just haven't gotten the chance to edit this chapter so I apologise in advance, just in case.  
> Anyway, here's the chapter. Enjoy!

Frank laughed, it was a nervous, boyish giggle that seemed to bubble out of him. And he started fucking laughing.

But it was contagious and somehow I found myself laughing too. Despite the seriousness of the situation, we were laughing.

And then his laughter turned into crying and mine simply died.

“Shit,” I muttered then leapt up to comfort him, “Frankie… Hey, Frank, it’s okay.” I wrapped my arms around him and held him while he cried.

Lois pawed at his leg and I tried not to laugh.

“I told Mikey why we ended,” He mumbled into my hair.

“Oh,” I widened my eyes, “Can I ask-”

“Not tonight, Baby Way,” He shook his head as he pulled away from me, “I’m gonna- I’m gonna go have a shower, maybe even a bath. I just need to get my head together. I don’t know how long they’ll be gone so, um, will you be okay?”

I smiled as reassuringly as I could, “Of course, Frankie.”

“Are you sure?”

I rolled my eyes, “I’m not a kid. I’ll survive.”

Lois stayed with me when Frank disappeared upstairs. She curled up next to me on the sofa as I sorted through some of my notes and recordings and took out my laptop.

+++

I was almost certain Pete was in shock. I had helped him shower and then changed him into pyjamas - one of my hoodies and his pants - and he barely fucking spoke. He had cried and clung to me and completely worn himself out, I guess. 

And so we’d crawled into bed together and he’d cuddled close against me and I told him how much I loved him and we’d fallen asleep in each other’s arms. I thought things might be okay.

But I woke up too early the next morning. Pete wasn’t next to me. Instead he was sitting at the end of the bed staring at his hands.

“Pete?” I whispered cautiously as I moved to sit next to him.

“I’m so tired, Mikeyway,” He mumbled.

I reached for his hand, “That’s okay. We can get into bed. Come on.”

He shook his head, “What’s the point?” He had gotten dressed and his bag was on the floor at his feet.

“Well, Peterpan, if you’re tired you should sleep. I’ll lie with you.”

He pulled his hand away from mine, “ _ No _ .”

“What?”

“No. Why are we doing this? What’s the point, Mikey?”

I sucked in a sharp breath, “Pete, please don’t do this.”

“Do what? Discuss what’s actually going on?”

“You’ve had a long night, you should-”

He stood, “No. I’m sick of you lying to me.”

“I’ve never lied-”

“Don’t. Don’t you fucking lie to my face,” He tugged at his hair, “Mikey, you’re fucking with my head! I’m in love with you, okay? This is it for me. And you fucking make me think that it’s the same for you and you give me so much fucking hope and I think we can make it and then… Then I remember that the fucking tombstones are already half engraved. You’re not- You don’t want us to last.”

“I never said that!” I protested, “Pete, you know I love you.” I reached for him once again.

“Love can’t save you,” He spat and I recoiled. “Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me right now that I’m wrong and you want us to last and you want this to work and you are going to stay.”

My shoulders slumped and my eyes welled up with tears, “ _ I can’t _ …”

“You can’t tell me that,” He snarled, “Because you can’t love, you don’t want to be loved. At least not by me. I don’t why I ever thought you could love me.”

“Pete, I… Look, I… I just-” I sighed. There was nothing I could say.

He scoffed, “Yeah I thought so. I can’t do this, Mikey. I can’t. I’m gonna go find Trick. Don’t try to follow me.” And just like that he picked up his bag and walked out of the room.

It wasn’t until the door shut behind him that I really processed what was happening. And I scrambled out of the bed. “Pete!” I yelled as I rushed after him. He was halfway down the corridor by the time I got out of the room. “Pete!”

He turned to look at me with sad eyes and shook his head, “I’m sorry,” His voice was soft yet broken. 

I was stunned, left standing in the middle of the corridor in only my boxers and a t-shirt and feeling my heart get crushed. He knocked on the door next to him - what I presumed was Patrick’s room - and then I forced myself to move.

“Pete,” I choked as I stumbled down the corridor, “Pete! Stop, okay. Just stop! Pete, I love you. What else do you want from me, Pete? Should I scream it from the top of my lungs?”

“No,” He shook his head, “Because you’re afraid someone else will hear you.” The door opened and Patrick looked out in alarm.

“Pete!” I screamed, “Please, Pete! I can do better.”

But he had already stepped into the room and Patrick offered me a strained smile before shutting the door.

“Mikey?” Ray had stepped out onto the corridor and was frowning sleepily at me, “Are you okay?”

I broke down, shaking my head as tears began to stream down my cheeks.

He put an arm around me and led me away, “Come on, Mikes, I’ll get us some coffee and you can tell me what happened.”

I cornered Pete at breakfast. He had been sitting in the dining area with Patrick and Joe and that faraway look of his was painted on his face. Ray had told me not to go over but as soon as he was looking away, I leapt up and raced over, ignoring his calls from behind me.

“Pete, you gotta talk to me,” I rushed as soon as I reached the table.

He actually jumped, looking completely perplexed by my presence. He was completely out of it and my concern only grew.

“Mikey, I don’t know if that’s such a good idea,” Patrick told me.

“Please,” I begged.

Pete glanced between me and his friends then nodded, “Sure. Yeah I guess we should. Come on then.”

He stood and I followed him as he weaved his way through the room and out a door that was clearly marked as  _ restricted _ , but he didn’t seem to care. Anyway, it was just a dingy alleyway with a couple of dumpsters.

Cigarette butts littered the ground and so I pulled my pack from my pocket and lit one just to give myself something to do.

“Pete, I-” I started but he cut me off.

“You said I had to talk to you, so I’m gonna talk.”

“Okay,” I nodded and took a drag.

He was silent for an agonisingly long moment. “You know, when I met you I didn’t want this,” He shook his head and closed his eyes.

I tore my eyes away from him, focusing instead on the cigarette in my hand. “What the fuck does that mean?”

He shrugged, “I only wanted fun and now you’ve got me all fucked up.”

I felt my heart break then and there. It was the strangest fucking feeling. My breath caught in my throat, it felt as if my lungs had collapsed. My chest tightened to a painful amount, I actually had to clutch my chest because for a moment I thought I was dying. The pain was overwhelming. I tried to focus on the cigarette, sucking it in. “You said you loved me.”

“How could a monster like me fall in love with a boy with no heart?”

What the fuck was that meant to mean? 

My vision blurred and I stumbled, losing my footing. I lost my sense of surroundings too as black spots dotted over my eyes. My throat felt like it was closing up and my chest was so tight I didn’t think I could breath at all. My heart physically fucking ached.

It took me a long moment to realise I was crying.

“You’ve got me all fucked up,” He said again and kicked the side of the dumpster. “This isn’t how things were meant to go. I don’t know what you expect me to say, Mikey.”

“I don’t expect you to say anything at all, Pete. I just want you to let me help you. I’m here for you. I want to be but- Please tell me you’re not serious. Tell me you love me. Tell me you loved me. Tell me it was real. Please, Pete.”

He remained silent.

I threw the cigarette down. “You can’t be fucking serious! You- You said you were in love with- Pete, I can’t just walk away. Last fucking night I had to talk you down from- I love you, don’t you get that?”

He sighed, “I know. And I appreciate it. I appreciate what you did. But I’m fucked up. Baby, you’re a canary and I’m a coal mine.”

I didn’t understand what he was saying or what he meant. I didn’t understand why he was acting like this. I didn’t understand any of it. None of it made fucking sense. 

“So you want me to just give up on you?” I whispered.

He shrugged again, “I only wanted some fun, Mikey. It went too far. We were never meant to go on this long. And I’m not making you give up. I’m the one giving up. I gave you my all but now… Now all I can do is give up. I fucking wrote the gospel on giving up.”

“You’re not making any sense. You’re saying cryptic shit and just not making any fucking sense.”

“I’m done, Mikey. That’s it. We took this whole thing way too far. It was fun while it lasted but we’re done. I’m sorry. I can’t- It’s not gonna last. Our days are numbered. I, um, I switched back rooms so I’m with Trick again and we’re going back on the bus tomorrow so-”

“So that’s it?” I slid to the ground, not caring that I was probably sitting in trash. “I never mattered,” I spoke quietly but I knew he heard me. “Just fuck off, Pete. Take your cryptic poetry somewhere else.” I dropped my head between my knees and tried to do the breathing exercises that Gerard had shown me. 

I heard his retreating footsteps. 

How did I let myself end up like this? How could I be so stupid?

Gerard and Frank’s room had two beds in it - a double and a single- and I lay curled in the smaller bed, staring at the wall and wishing I could turn my thoughts off. Gerard and Ray were sitting at the small table, talking about me in hushed voices and Frank was on the other bed, watching me. I could fucking tell.

Ray had followed after Pete and I to check on me and found me sobbing in the alleyway. Then, he had to stop my brother when he tried to attack Pete. Frank had laughed under his breath at that. Strangely enough, he was fairly calm. Frank, who was normally so hot headed, was pretty chill about the whole situation.

My duffel bag was on the floor at the end of the bed, where Ray had left it after he went to get my stuff from the other room. I hadn’t wanted to stay there.

I squeezed my eyes shut and wished I could disappear.

_ How could a monster like me fall in love with a boy with no heart? _

_ A boy with no heart… _ Was that all I was to him?

I suppose he was right… 

This was what I deserved. I had been planning on leaving him at the end of the tour, I couldn’t see any other option. But I would have hurt him and I knew it, so I suppose it was only fair that I was the one who ended up getting hurt.

I loved him. I had allowed myself to fall so completely in love with him. And I thought he loved me… 

“I don’t get it,” Frank muttered.  _ That makes two of us…  _

“You think any of us do?” Gerard sighed.

“Maybe one of us should go talk to him?” He suggested.

“What good will that do?” Ray groaned.

“I don’t know, I just-”

“Frank, it’s fine,” I mumbled into the pillow. It was far from fine, but there was nothing to be done. The last thing I needed now was Frank starting a fight with Pete.

The bed shifted slightly then, and I knew Frank had moved to sit beside me. “It’s not fine. Dude, you’re one of my best friends. You’re like a brother to me. I can’t just sit by and let you get hurt. I can’t understand how it could just end. I’ve seen Pete, I know him. I know how he feels about-”

“Frankie,” Gerard was there then, pulling him to his feet. He spoke in a low voice, “Let them rest. Let the dust settle. We’ll deal with it tomorrow.”

“Gerard,” Frank sounded irritated, “Would you just trust me? I know Pete, this isn’t him. Something is wrong. Do you not think he needs us now more than ever?”

“No, I don’t,” Gerard snapped, “Because Mikey needs us. Mikey is your best friend, my brother… Not Pete. I think  _ Mikey _ needs us now more than ever.”

Avoiding someone on tour was a lot easier than I would have thought. 

Okay, yeah, it was difficult when I was on stage because I couldn’t exactly stop him from being there, but I spent every other moment on the bus, mostly hidden away in my bunk. It was nearly impossible to avoid him on stage. It seemed that he made a point to be there as often as possible. It felt like he was trying to piss me off.

I couldn’t stand being around anyone.

So instead of socialising with my friends and bandmates, I hid in my bunk listening to  _ From Under The Cork Tree _ and feeling sorry for myself. I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t find it in me to do anything else.

I ended up being able to completely avoid him for nearly an entire forty eight hours. 

And then he was on my bus.

“So there have been some developments,” Frank was trying not to smile as he pulled back the curtain of my bunk.

“Frank, what the fuck?” I yelled as Pete’s voice floated through the bus.

He held his hands up, “Okay, I would take full responsibility but I actually had nothing to do with this.”

I scoffed, “Bullshit!” I tried not to panic.

He gaped at me, “I swear! I wouldn’t ambush you with him like- Don’t make that face at me. So maybe I would do something like that, but I swear I didn’t!”

“So why is he here?” I hissed.

“How the fuck would I know? But I think Gerard is gonna kill him if you don’t get out there, Mikes.”

I sighed but climbed out of my bunk and followed Frank through to the front of the bus.

“Hey Mikeyway.” My heart raced at the sight of him.

He looked worn out, fucking drained, but still beautiful.

“Hi,” I said. I didn’t really know what else to say.  _ Good to see you, thanks for fucking with my head _ didn’t seem entirely appropriate. 

It had been after nine when we’d gone on stage - we had been the last act - but Fall Out Boy had been on much earlier. I was surprised he was still there. I would have expected them to have left for Cincinnati by now. That’s what we were about to do anyway.

“Can we talk?” His voice was unusually quiet. He wasn’t himself. He was more withdrawn, visibly hurting.

Gerard shot him a glare.

“I’m busy.”

Frank scoffed. 

Ray sighed, “No, he’s really not.”

Wow, that was harsh. I really had not expected Ray to betray me like that.

I gritted my teeth, “We have to leave.”

He shrugged, “We can spare a few minutes.”

Frank did that smug little smirk of his.  _ Asshole _ .

I shook my head, but knew there was no arguing with him. “Fine,” I turned to Pete, “Let’s go for a walk.”

“Mikey,” Gerard put his hand on my arm and stared into my eyes, silently asking if I was okay. I nodded, and gave a little shrug too. He squeezed my arm before letting me go.

“Stay close,” Frank piped up, “We’re leaving, remember? I’ll come find you in ten minutes.”

I nodded again and gestured for Pete to get off the bus, following right behind him. 

We didn’t walk too far, just a few feet away from the bus, and then we sat on the curb next to each other. I patted my pockets for a cigarette, but I didn’t have them with me.

Well fuck me. This was starting off great.

“You wanted to talk, so talk,” I sighed.

“I’m sorry,” He whispered, “I’m so fucking sorry. My head is so- My head is so fucked right now. I just- I’m a mess. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise,” I shrugged. My voice remained flat.

“I fucked up. You’re- I love you, okay? I’m in love with you, Mikeyway. And I can’t believe I’m throwing that away. I didn’t mean what I said.”

I scoffed, “Which part?”

“All of it! All of the shitty stuff I said! I fucking love you. I don’t- I don’t want this to end. And I’m- I’m scared of this, of how I feel. And I’m scared of how I’m going to feel when it ends.”

“We could be immortal, Pete.”

He nodded, “Yeah, but not for long. Do you remember that morning when we were getting off my bus and there were a load of kids waiting?”

I frowned, “Yeah, what about it?”

“That’s when I knew you- You’re never gonna want to tell anyone about us.”

“What?”

“I don’t know why it took so long for me to realise it but… You’re never gonna come clean. That’s getting clear. And that’s okay. I get it. It’s scary. That’s when I realised that our days are numbered.”

“They don’t have to be. We could be immortal, Pete. We could have this forever.” I don’t know why I said it. I knew it wasn’t true. I couldn’t do it.

But I needed to say anything I could to try and get him back. I wasn’t ready to lose him yet.

“ _ How wrong we were to think that immortality meant never dying _ ,” He said with a sad smile, “I’m scared of losing you, but I know that I only have until the end of summer. And then you and I go our separate ways and pretend to just be friends, right?”

“I don’t know.”

He lay back staring up at the sky and I watched him, waiting for him to speak.

“It’s a losing battle, but I’m gonna fight anyway. I’ll fight until the end, Mikeyway. I’m going to fight for you. I want to try to find a way for this to work. I don’t want this to end. I want to have you for as long as possible. I want to stay with you forever, but I know we can’t. I know I expect too much. And not enough, if the other day was anything to go by.”

I lay back too, my fingers brushing against his. “What do we do?”

“I love you. That’s all that matters to me.”

I felt relief flood through me. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“That’s inevitable though. The tombstones are waiting, Mikeyway. We all know it will end.”

“What if we just- Can’t we just be happy now? What if we just spend the next few weeks together?” I turned my head to look at him, “I can’t promise it won’t end because I can’t see the fucking future and I know it’s gonna be a fucking challenge to be together after the tour. But I can promise that I want this, I want us. I want to be with you for as long as we possibly can.”

The hint of a smile tugged at the corners of his lips, “I want that more than anything. That’s enough for me.” He laced his fingers through mine, “ _ Be clearly aware of the stars and infinity on high. Then life seems almost enchanted after all _ .”

“What?” For the first time in days, I was smiling.

“I think Van Gogh said it. I don’t know. But life seems pretty enchanting right now.” He turned his head too and then he was kissing me.

Life was pretty enchanting alright.

We lay there, hand in hand, staring up at the stars.

“They’re beautiful,” I whispered. It was a clear night and the sky was dazzling. I tilted my head a little to look at Pete, who had been staring at me. I smiled, “This is all I need, to be safe and secure with you.”

He pressed closer to me and brushed his lips against mine, “Stay with me, Mikeyway. Can’t we at least pretend?”

I didn’t have the heart to say no. I just kissed him again. I muttered, “Kissing away our dreams.”

“Well that was fucking easy,” Frank scoffed, and Pete and I jumped. He stood over us with one eyebrow raised and a smug look on his face. My brother was stood at the door of the bus, staring over at us and even though I couldn’t see the look on his face but I just fucking knew he was scowling.

“I hate to break this up but we do actually need to go,” Frank offered me a hand up.

“Do you want me to walk you back to your bus?” I asked Pete as I pulled him off the ground.

He shook his head, “Unless you can walk me to Cincinnati.”

Frank cackled, “You told them to leave without you?”

He shrugged, “I needed to talk to Mikeyway.”

“So they’re gone?” I gaped.

“Kind of.”

“Oh for-” I sighed and looked at Frank, “Will you please deal with this while I go deal with that?” I gestured toward my brother.

Frank nodded and I headed over to Gerard. Pete and Frank followed behind me, slipping onto the bus as I halted next to him.

“What happened, Mikes?” He wasn’t angry, as I expected him to be, just concerned.

I shrugged, “I don’t fucking know. We’re going to keep trying. He’s scared of us ending, you know? And I get that. I’m scared too. But we’re gonna enjoy the time we have together. Can I bum a smoke?”

He pulled a box from his pocket and tossed it to me. “You say that as if one of you is going to die.”

“It kind of feels that way,” I lit a cigarette with shaky hands.

“Don’t be melodramatic.”

“I’m not. I just- It’s not going to survive once the tour ends. And I don’t know how I’m going to deal with that.”

“So don’t let it end,” He said simply, as if it was the easiest and most obvious thing in the world.

I scoffed, “We can’t stay together.”

“Says who?”

“We have lives outside of this tour. And if we just- If we said fuck it and told the whole world we were together and we were very fucking openly together then we’d be fucked. The band would be fucked, ours and his. Have you really not thought about that?”

Gerard’s face fell, the colour draining completely. I knew I shouldn’t have said that, shouldn’t have brought it up. He wasn’t thinking about me and Pete. He was thinking about him and Frank. I think, for the first time, he was realising how difficult it would be for him and Frank to be together.

“Look, it doesn’t matter. He’s had a tough few days, but we’re okay now. Don’t be pissed at him.”

He nodded, “Yeah, yeah. I get it, it’s okay. Bygones and all that shit.” He looked a little off though, and I knew what I’d said would weigh on his mind.

Pete was exhausted, I realised not too long after we left for Cincinnati. He had sat on the sofa next to me and I could just tell from his eyes that he hadn’t slept in days.

But he had no intentions to curl up in my bunk with me, not yet anyway. Instead, he was busy apologising continuously to my bandmates.

It took quite some convincing to get him to shut up and go to bed.

“I’m not tired,” He mumbled as I tucked the blanket around us in my bunk.

“When’s the last time you slept?” I retorted and he simply shrugged. I sighed, “You should sleep, Peterpan.”

“Mikeyway, promise me you’ll try.”

“What?”

“To kiss our dreams goodbye,” He whispered, “To risk everything for us. It might be worth a try.”

I leaned forward to kiss his nose, “Nothing could be more worth it.”

It was a perfect moment, his body pressed to mine as we shared a breath and whispered how much we loved each other.

We fell asleep in each other’s arms, and I had never felt so loved as I did in that moment. We were immortals in that moment. 

I didn’t know at the time but I guess he must have woken up in the night and posted on his LiveJournal, because I saw the most heartwarming post the next morning when I checked it.

_ you/we are safe and (se)cure. no more stealing glances like a thief.. taking chances without giving them back. and maybe i take advantage of that by staring too long. but if you wanted the stars i wouldn’t rest until i was able to pull every one down and name one after each twinkle in your eyes.. and hope you don’t frown when we run out of stars. i just love that spark of light i get to see when all the other lights are out. you have the best smile even better than mine. this is for your memories section, this is for forever. we’re kissing our dreams goodbye cause who needs dreams when we have this. we’re risking everything and nothing could be more worth it. _

_ i guess my point is, you make me want to fall in love and get stuck - haha. _

Pete was still asleep when I read it, but it filled me with such love and warmth that I simply shut the laptop and wrapped my arms around him once more, holding him tight.

Safe and secure.

As I fell back asleep next to him, listening to the sounds of my bandmates getting up, only one thought went through my mind.

I wanted to fall in love and get stuck too.

+++

I had fallen asleep on the sofa. I wasn’t really sure when. One minute I’d been lying there with my laptop on my knee and Lois curled up next to me, and then the next I was being woken gently by Gerard while Lois jumped around Mikey excitedly.

I stretched and yawned, feeling groggy and confused.

“Hey sleepyhead,” Gerard chuckled, “Come on, kid. You should go up to bed.”

I nodded, stretching some more before allowing him to pull me to my feet. He looked like he’d been crying, and the fact that Mikey seemed to avoid letting me see his face suggested that he had been crying too. I wondered what had happened between them, but I chose not to press it. I was too tired to even try.

So instead I gathered up my stuff, called Lois after me and headed up the stairs.

Frank wasn’t awake when Lois and I headed downstairs. That was strange. It was the first morning since we got there that he hadn’t been up first. And so I made coffee and sat at the table by myself while Lois ran laps around the garden.

I drank my coffee and played some tapes and tried to ignore the nagging worry that was eating away at me.

It proved to be usually.

I couldn’t write. 

I couldn’t even focus on the words.

My thoughts were scattered and my heart was heavy. I simply wanted to curl up in a ball and cry and I wasn’t quite sure why. I guess there were just a lot of little things.

And so I ended up on the floor with Lois, curled up next to her and crying.

It was a long time coming, I guess. I was overwhelmed and I just needed to let it out, which was totally fine… until Mikeyway walked in.

“Um,” He stalled in the doorway for a long moment, just looking at me with wide eyes, “Um… Oh, okay. Um, Nellie? Kid, are you okay?”

I sniffled and sat up, “Yeah, I’m… I don’t know.”

“I bought us another few days, if that helps,” He offered as he made his way toward the coffee pot, “I spun some bullshit to Gerard and he agreed on pushing it for a few more days. It’s gonna be okay, Nell.”

“I’m putting everyone through such misery,” I dropped my head into my hands.

“This is what we signed up for, kiddo,” He sighed, “Do you wanna talk? I’ll pour you some more coffee.” He brought the pot over to me and filled my mug with fresh coffee then pulled me to my feet and sighed again, “Nellie, don’t cry.” Mikeyway pulled me in for a hug then and I was so shocked, I gasped audibly. His hugs were rare, but definitely welcome. I tucked my head against him and allowed myself to cry. 

It was so strange, I’d never had family before, never even people who I had been close to, and now I had the most amazing people taking care of me. Yet I couldn’t help but feel that I was undeserving of it.

“Come on,” He directed me to my chair, “What’s going on?”

I wiped my damp cheeks and took a gulp of coffee, “I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m in over my head, Mikes. It’s all gone too far. I’m just causing too much hurt.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, kid,” He scoffed, “All of this hurt has always been there. You didn’t cause it, Nellie. It was there long before you started to poke around.”

“But I’m making things worse,” I muttered miserably. 

“Believe it or not, I think you’re actually helping,” He laughed a little, “Look, Nellie, I know this is all completely insane but I think this is actually the most okay I’ve felt about things since everything happened. I’m finally getting to talk to someone about what happened and it feels… Well, it’s nice.”

“Look at what I’ve done to Gerard and Frank.”

He shook his head, “No. You didn’t do anything. You just saw through a very fucking weak act, you called them out on their bullshit. This whole thing has been a long time coming. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“It doesn’t feel like that,” I pulled my legs up onto the chair and tucked my head against my knees, “I shouldn’t have done this. I’ve- I’ve fucked up your lives. I should just go.”

“Don’t talk like that, Nellie. It’s not true,” He stressed, “You belong in our lives, okay? We all fucking love you. I like talking to you. So does Gerard. It doesn’t matter what we’re going through. We knew what we were signing up for. You haven’t fucked anything up, Nellie.”

“Mikey, I’m sorry,” I cried.

“Hey now,” He reached over and squeezed my knee, “You have nothing to be sorry for. The circumstances may be strange, but you’ve become a part of our family. We all care about you and none of us need an apology from you. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

I continued to cry because, I realised, once I started it seemed I couldn’t stop.

Eventually I did stop crying, and instead started to apologise to Mikey for my blubbering. He shrugged it off,claiming that there was no need for an apology but I continued to offer them.

“I really am sorry, Mikey,” I insisted.

“What’s going on, kid?” Frank yawned as he walked into the kitchen.

My eyes welled up again.

Mikey shot him a glare, “I just got her to stop that.”

Frank widened his eyes, looking awfully confused, “What did I do?”

“I’m fine,” I insisted, wiping at my cheeks again. 

Lois made her way over to me, pawing at my leg and staring up at me with big puppy eyes. I gave her a little scratch and willed myself to stop being so emotional. I guess it was just going to be one of those days… 

Frank frowned as he crossed the room, “Baby Way, what’s got you so upset?” He wrapped me into a warm hug and glanced over at Mikey, “What the hell happened?”

“I’m fine,” I repeated, “I’m fine, I just- Look, it’s all just been a lot and I know it’s probably been a lot more trying for you guys but I still just- I guess I’m pretty overwhelmed by it all and everything is just getting to me. But, seriously, I’m fine. I just need a minute.”

“Hey!” Frank grinned and pulled his phone from his pocket, “While you have your lil minute, I have something to cheer you up.” Mikey and I shared a glance as Frank tapped on his phone. We waited a long moment then Frank laughed triumphantly, “Okay look, here it is!” He showed me his phone.

I took it cautiously and Mikey scooched closer to me to peer over my shoulder. It was open on Twitter and it took me a long moment to realise exactly what he was showing me. It was a simple tweet saying only ‘ _ WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? _ ’ which was why I laughed initially. But the pictures attached were what really mattered. 

It was me.

A fit of nervous laughter bubbled out of me.

_ It was me _ .

The first was Frank and I sat together in the tattoo shop showing off our matching ghosts with Frank’s caption of  _ matching tattoos with the kid _ . The next picture was also from my birthday. It was a picture of Gerard and I in Frank’s kitchen that Mikey had posted to his story. I was teary eyed in the picture, yet grinning at something out of frame - presumably Frank. The other two pictures were screenshots of my Instagram account, nelliethekid, one of them showing a picture of Gerard, Mikey and I in front of the Belleville sign and the other showing that Frank, Gerard, Mikey, Ray and Pete all followed me. I hadn’t realised Ray or 

“Wow, a couple days off social media and suddenly I’m all over it,” I muttered as I scrolled down, reading through people’s speculations about me. There were more screenshots from my account. A picture of Frank when we went for breakfast on my birthday, Lois curled up next to my legs, Mikey and I getting ice cream, a picture of Starbucks coffee cups saying Jared and Ellie instead of Gerard and Nellie.

It made me realise that I posted a lot of dumb shit on my Instagram.

It felt oddly invasive to know that people had been analysing my posts and sharing them around. It was fucking strange. 

I kept scrolling, laughing a little at people’s confusion over who I was and how I was connected to the guys. It was funny to see people trying to figure out why we were in New Jersey, if we were all together, if Mikey and Gerard were here to see Frank, what Pete had to do with it all, why was I referring to myself as  _ Baby Way _ on my Instagram as my name… It was hilarious, in a way, but so completely wild. There were people analysing my fucking life. How insane was that?

Just my fucking luck that the one time I was off my phone, I’m going viral on My Chem Twitter. Fucking wild.

“Where’s my phone?” I handed Frank’s back to him and retrieved my phone from my cardigan pocket. Sure enough when I clicked onto my Instagram I was welcomed by a spam of notifications. How fucking wild… 

I laughed, “This is insane.”

Frank grinned, “I knew it would cheer you up.” He shot Mikey a very pointed  _ I told you so _ look.

“Frankie, this is so fucking strange,” I murmured as I tapped through the notifications on my phone. I glanced up, “What should I do?”

Mikey chuckled, “About this? I don’t know, kiddo. Do you need to do anything?”

“We could put your account on private?” Frank suggested, “Although it is probably a little late for that now…”

I sighed, “Do you not realise that this means the book is a no go?”

“You’re bailing on the book?” Gerard yawned as he walked into the room, “Kid, if this is about leaving J-”

“It’s not that G. Look,” Frank showed him his phone and Gerard’s eyes widened a little.

“Oh,” He frowned.

“Yeah,” I nodded, “So if people already know who I am and the fact that I’m connected to you guys then… Then there’s no anonymity for the book.”

Frank chortled, “You know, I actually forgot about that whole thing. Changing the names and shit. Do you need to?”

“ _ Frank _ ,” Gerard hissed.

He rolled his eyes, “I don’t mean take out a fucking gossip column, G. I just mean, does it matter? Get the information, do your little thing kid and see what happens. Take it one day at a time, you know.”

I frowned, “I won’t be able to do anything with the book.”

“Frank’s right,” Gerard yawned again, “It’s okay. We should just take it one day at a time and we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. Is there no coffee left?”

Frank shook his head a little sheepishly, “I haven’t done, like, proper grocery shopping in a few days.” Then his eyes widened, “Not it!” He yelled.

Mikey grumbled, “Frank had the last of the coffee, not me.”

I laughed, “That’s not what matters though. You were it.”

“And you came along why exactly?”

I shrugged, “Boredom, I guess. And, you know, Frank and Gerard kind of need the time together.”

“What they need is to be locked in a room together.”

“Same could be said for you and Pete,” I pointed out.

He groaned, “Nellie, why do you have to go there?”

“Because it’s true!” 

“That doesn’t mean you have to say it though!” He spluttered.

I cackled, “I tell no lies. Straight up spitting facts.”

“God, I hate you,” He rolled his eyes, “Where are we going?”

“Another reason why I came,” I pointed out, “You need me. Clearly. We have to go to _Trader Joe’s_ , then the green market then-”

“Why so many places?” Mikey’s face somehow managed to fall further.

I shrugged, “We have a list, Mikeyway. It’s not my fault that you guys are picky. So after that we need to grab some donuts from  _ Dunkin Donuts _ and then  _ Target _ , and the  _ Starbucks  _ in that  _ Target  _ to bring back some coffee.”

“How much shit do we need?” 

I shrugged again, “Coffee and some other stuff from  _ Trader Joe’s _ , Frank’s stuff from the green market and basically most of our other essentials from  _ Target _ .”

“So is  _ Trader Joe’s _ even necessary? It’s like fifteen minutes out of the way.”

I rolled my eyes, “That’s where we get Lois’s food.”

Mikey smiled a little, “That’s adorable.” 

I scoffed, “What? That we go to a separate store for her?”

“That you’re saying  _ we _ ,” He grinned, “It’s cute. You’re happy here.”

I twisted my fingers around my cardigan sleeve, “I am. I’m actually happier than I’ve ever been. It’s strange. Frank actually, um, he told me I could stay. Not officially, but he did mention it so… I don’t know. I like it here.”

“In Jersey?”

“Yes. No. Maybe…?  _ No _ . I like… I like this.”

“Driving fifteen minutes out of the way just to buy Lois the treats she likes?”

I laughed, “Yes, exactly. I’ve never had a family, Mikeyway. This is beyond… beyond, you know? I don’t want it to end.”

“I know, Nellie. But it has to. If you stay it still ends. And it would break Gerard’s heart. Kid, he loves you. I’m pretty sure he’s convinced you’re his kid.”

“I don’t want to leave him,” I insisted, “I wouldn’t. But I can’t leave Frank either. He- He-”

“I know. He thinks of you the same way.”

I tilted my head back against the window, “Michael James Way, you have complicated my life to a level beyond belief.”

“Please,” He scoffed, “I made it interesting.”

Mikey was amazed by the miniature carts in  _ Trader Joe’s _ .

“Have you seriously never noticed them before?”

He grinned a little, “Are these the carts Frank uses?”

I giggled, “You’re an asshole.”

“I never claimed otherwise. But now I have this mental image of Frankie pushing around one of those tiny little carts and I really just wanna see it happen,” He pulled out a cart and laughed to himself.

Mikey spluttered in disbelief over my comments as we drove past the fire department.

“Have you never heard of Safe Haven laws?”

He grunted, “What the fuck is that?”

“You ever heard of babies being dropped off at a fire station?”

“Huh,” He looked a little shocked, “I didn’t know it had a name. So if you wanted to find your biological parents-”

“I have no clue where to even begin, man,” I shrugged.

“Who named you?”

I chuckled, “Really? That’s the most pressing question for you? Okay, um, usually in cases like mine it’s whoever fills out your form. I was named by the fireman who found me. Apparently, he was from a town in West Virginia called Eleanor and when given the opportunity to name a human child, he called her after his town.”

“Your name is Eleanor?”

I frowned, “What did you think Nell was short for?”

He gaped, “Nellie, obviously. Wait so what’s your last name?”

I gasped, “Mikey! Do you seriously not know my fucking name?”

“Nellie Way,” He shrugged, “That’s obviously your name. Or at least it should be! But apparently it’s Eleanor… something.”

I rolled my eyes, “Smith. Eleanor Smith. Happy now?”

“Oh yeah definitely. Fucking Eleanor? That’s… You’re so not an Eleanor. Or Smith.”

“I just can’t believe you didn’t even know my fucking name, holy shit, Mikes.”

I liked the green market. But Mikey wasn’t nearly as fun in it as Frank. Frank actually knew a lot of random shit about cooking. Mikey just stuck to the list and the shit he liked the look of. I didn’t mind though, we bought some fruit pots which I ate as we drove to  _ Target _ .

Mikey may not have known as much about cooking as Frank did, but at least he understood my need for snacking.

“We need to get donuts,” I reminded him as I poked at a piece of melon.

“We’ll pull in on the way back.”

“But the coffee will go cold.”

“Well then they can have coffee from  _ Dunkin  _ instead of  _ Starbucks _ . We’ll just get some coffee on the way into  _ Target _ .”

“Mikeyway, you little sneak,” I grinned.

He smirked, “All is fair in love and coffee.”

I smiled graciously as Mikey handed me the cup.  _ Starbucks  _ wasn’t my favourite, if I was to be honest, but coffee was coffee and I was never going to turn it down. I took a sip, “So…”

Mikey groaned, “Oh no, not that voice.”

I chortled, “What the fuck does that mean?”

He shook his head as we pushed the cart into  _ Target _ , “That’s the voice you always use when you’re about to ask me shit.”

“Wow so you don’t know my full name but you know the voice I use to talk about specific stuff. What does that say about our friendship?”

“That you spent too much time asking me about the summer of 2005,” He flashed a cheeky grin and took a sip of his coffee, “Go on then. What shall I entertain you with today?”

I took another gulp, “How about you tell me what happened last night? You and G seemed pretty upset.”

He grimaced, “Oh,  _ that _ . Right yeah, I should have known you wouldn’t let that slide? Did Frank not fill you in?”

I shook my head, “No, he was actually pretty upset. He said he told you- He said he told you why him and G ended things.”

He scoffed, “That’s pushing it a little. He barely touched on it. I can see why he’d be upset though.”

+++

Nellie rolled her-

+++

“Ew!” I cut Mikey off instantly, “No, gross. I don’t want to hear about me.”

He sighed, “Nell, don’t be ridiculous. You’ll survive.”

+++

Nellie rolled her eyes, “I’ll try G. You go make sure Frank is okay.”

I nodded. I could do that. It seemed like Frank needed someone more than my brother did right now. And so I headed down to Frank’s practice studio.

And I found my best friend crying.

Shit.

“Frankie?”

“Fuck, Mikey!” He jumped a little and rushed to wipe the tears from his cheeks, “You scared me, man. I didn’t hear you come in. Lois usually barks, is she okay? Where’s Nellie? Is she-”

I stepped further into the room and sat down next to him, “Nellie and Lois are fine, don’t worry. Lois is outside with G. And the kid is upstairs waiting for them to come in so she can talk to G.”

He raised an eyebrow, “So did you do rock paper scissors to decide who got who?”

“Fuck you,” I glared at him, “I came down here to look after you, asshole. We wanted to make sure you were both okay. Don’t be a dick. You know that will only upset Nellie.”

He smirked a little, “You’re really gonna use the kid against me, huh?”

“I know it will work.”

He scoffed, “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Aren’t you meant to be my best friend? Using my kid against me isn’t good best friend stuff, Mikeyway.”

I shrugged, “Desperate times, my friend. So what the fuck is happening?”

“Your brother thinks it’s probably time you guys all go home,” He ran a hand through his hair, “I guess he’s right.”

“You guess he’s right?” I gasped, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. Dude, do you not realise that leaving now would break the kid’s heart?”

He sighed, “He’s fed up here, Mikes. It’s too much for both of us.”

“What?”

“Being around each other all the time. Things have changed, we can’t do it anymore.”

I shook my head, “You did it for  _ years _ , Frank. What’s changed?”

“We’re trapped here together! We’re fucking haunted by what could have been. Even Nellie is a shitty reminder of it all. You know, we sit there at night like a fucking family and everything just  _ works _ except it doesn’t. We aren’t a family. We don’t go to bed together at night. Nell isn’t our kid. Lois isn’t Gerard’s dog. This isn’t our house. And it fucking hurts, Mikey,” His voice broke, “It’s killing me knowing what could have been, what we’ve lost.”

My heart went out to my friend and I moved closer to him to hug him tightly. I couldn’t begin to imagine what he must have been going through.

“I get it,” I muttered, “I get why you want us to go.” Of course I did. I wouldn’t want to be stuck in such a situation with Pete. I couldn’t-

He pulled away from me, looking absolutely appalled. “ _ What _ ? I don’t want you to go. No, I- That’s not- Mikey, the problem is that I want this. I wish this was my life. But it’s not. And it hurts knowing what I’ve lost. It hurts him too.”

“Why did you lose it?” I asked. It was a question that had plagued me for years. 

He sighed, “You.”

I jumped away from him, “What the fuck?”

His eyes widened, “No, no, Mikey, I- Okay so that came out wrong. Fuck. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“You blame me for that?”

“No, no! No!” He rushed, “Look, that came out wrong. It just- After you and Pete… you know… After that happened, Gerard blamed himself. He said so many fucking times that summer that he’d talk to you about what was going on with Pete and I guess-”

I groaned, “He never did. That doesn’t-”

“I know, it wasn’t his fault,” He nodded, “But I think he thought that if he had spoken to you he could have helped you through it. And so I guess it was martyrdom, in a way. You weren’t happy and so he couldn’t allow himself to be happy. And I suppose he blamed me too.”

“What?”

He shrugged, “I did talk to you. And I didn’t help you through it.”

“Frank, you were there for-”

He shook his head, “Not during that summer. Not when you needed me most…”

+++

I offered Mikey a sad smile, “That sucks, man.”

He grunted, “At least now we know. What we don’t know, however, is what this says. Look at this, Baby Way, can you make any sense of it?” Mikeyway changed the subject and showed me the shopping list.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this is not exactly something I wanted to do but I haven't really been left with much choice. I might have to take a short break from weekly uploads for a little while. As I said in the above note, I've had a pretty chaotic week. I have a college deadline at the end of the month. I've been doing a portfolio course for the past few months but this deadline is to get into the art school I want to go to. Basically, I have to have a really good portfolio to get in because it's a very competitive college. And I'm absolutely terrified because I don't have enough work at all and I'm going to have to just spend the next couple of weeks cramming to get as much work done as I possibly can. I'm honestly really struggling. And if I blow this I'm pretty much fucked.  
> So basically, I'm probably not going to have time to work on the story much over the next couple of weeks. I will try my very best to write during whatever down time I have, but I'm basically spending all of my time right now just drawing. I'm so sorry to let anyone down. I promise if I do stop posting, it won't be forever. A couple of weeks at most and I will update the story description in a few days to say when the next update will be as soon as I know. I might even be able to update next week, but I really just don't know. I don't want to make any promises that I can't keep though, you know?  
> Anyway, in other news, Mikey Way liked my drawing on Instagram! I'm sure you all can imagine how much I freaked out. Genuinely such an insane moment. It was a drawing of Kristin and Rowan that I posted to my art account (jade_art11 on Instagram, if anyone wants to follow it!) and I got the notification and literally went into shock. I still can't quite process it, to be honest.  
> Also, my friend's sister has covid, meaning that she has been exposed to it so there's just been a whole load of stress and chaos there. She's vulnerable so obviously we're all worried about her catching it and stuff, and her entire family are isolating so I can't see her but I've been trying to help her out and stuff... it's been a lot.  
> Okay, I know this is short for me, because I do usually rant but I really don't have the time this week. I'm run off my feet. I probably won't be all that active on here so if anyone needs to reach me you can do it through my art account or my main Instagram witchy.jadda (but maybe DM me if you're coming from here because I always forget to go through requests!) and I'll be active-ish on there... I get notifications from there on my phone whereas I only see these notifications if I check them.  
> Thank you so much for reading, and I hope you all understand and stick with me if I disappear for a little while.  
> Let me know what you thought of the chapter in the comments. I hope you enjoyed it. Thank you! Have a good week, I hope everyone is doing well!   
> Stay home, stay safe and stay spooky! xo jadda


	22. Frank

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. I'm back! Sort of...  
> Quick disclaimer before we get into the chapter, this is not edited and I wrote it in like a day so it's a little all over the place. Like I literally finished it five minutes ago. But I just really wanted to get a chapter out before the weekend was over. I've felt awful not updating.  
> So here it is. It's not the best but I guess it's a filler building to something more.   
> Enjoy!

Our time with Frank faded too quickly. All of a sudden, we went from having all the time in the world to no time at all. 

One good thing about it all, however, was that Frank and Mikey seemed determined to make the most of what little time we had left. I appreciated that, more than anything. I didn’t enjoy how down Gerard was though. He seemed to be counting down the days until we left. He honestly seemed to be pretty miserable. It was horrible.

But even still we filled the week we all had left together with as much fun as possible. Which seemed to include going to New York.

Gerard frowned, “Why are you going to New York?” A direct question to Frank… How rare.

Frank, who was standing next to me in the kitchen as we prepared a vegetarian lasagne, simply shrugged, “It’s just for some interview. I think it’s a podcast or something. I don’t actually know, but we could all go and make a day of it, you know?” He flicked the ash from his cigarette, earning a glare from me. He smiled sheepishly and moved the ashtray away a little, “Sorry kid.” He put the cigarette between his lips once again and continued to chop tomatoes.

I frowned disapprovingly but he seemed to take no notice. I sighed and went back to grating the cheese. 

“I think it could be a good idea,” Mikey piped up, “Kid, have you ever been to New York?”

I shook my head, “Nope.”

“Brilliant. So we’ll come along with you.”

“Count me out,” Gerard said.

“Out?” Frank spun to look at him, dropping tomato on the floor in the process, “Come on, G. Don’t be like that.”

“I don’t really think it will be the best idea for all of us to go out together,” He scoffed as Lois ran over to eat the tomato.

Mikey exclaimed, “So fucking what? We’re all going. It’ll be fun. We can show Nellie the city. She’ll love it. You’re coming too, end of.”

Gerard looked alarmed, in that way he always did whenever Mikey made any outbursts.

They ended up arguing over how we would get to New York. Frank wanted to drive. Mikey wanted to drive. Gerard wanted to take the train. Gerard didn’t want to go. Frank didn’t want me to go on the subway. Mikey didn’t know how we’d avoid the subway. Gerard thought they’d be mad to drive into the city and try to get parking. Frank argued that if he didn’t want us all to be seen together then the train wasn’t the best option. Gerard retorted with the fact that we’d all obviously be seen together no matter what. Mikey thought he should drive. Frank said that was a dumb idea because why would he drive the rental into the city. Mikey wanted to take Frank’s car. Frank said no. Gerard called them both dumbasses…

It went on.

Lois and I sat on the couch and ignored them as best as we could. It was working, to a certain degree. The dumbasses were loud and so there was no point in trying to tune them out. So instead we got some cookies - chocolate chip for me and dog biscuits for her - and I made coffee and then we simply sat on the sofa, half listening to what was going on and writing out notes.

Lois curled up next to me, snoring lightly and drooling all over my leg. It was grossly adorable.

I texted Pete, because I had nothing better to do and he had been greatly enjoying the various misadventures of our trip as I had been telling him. 

**(22:09)** **_babyway:_ ** _ going to nyc tomorrow… they can’t decide on how to get there though!!  _

**(22:11)** **_pw:_ ** _ ferry, every time xx _

**(22:12)** **_pw:_ ** _ also i know a cute bookstore you’ll like! i’ll send details… _

**(22:13)** **_pw:_ ** [Attached a link]

**(22:15)** **_babyway:_ ** _ looks nice, i’ll check it out. any other recommendations? _

Pete began to spam me with recommendations of where I should check out, where we should eat, what snacks we should get, what sights I needed to see… It kept me more than entertained.

“People get mugged and beaten up and fucking shanked on the subway all the fucking time!” Frank scoffed, “You really want to send Nellie on there?”

“She’ll be with us!” Gerard half yelled, “And since when are you so cautious?”

“Since we had a kid!” He exclaimed.

Mikey pointed out, “I don’t think the subway is that dangerous.”

“Hey asshole, I thought you wanted to drive!”

“The subway is part of the experience!” 

“The subway is disgusting!”

“Okay now I’m over thinking the subway a little,” Gerard sighed, “The subway is kind of dodgy for Nell.”

“Oh you’ve got to be kidding me,” Mikey grunted.

“You see?!” Frank exclaimed delightly, completely ignoring Mikey.

Lois lifted her head at the sound of Frank’s raised voice and I gave her a little rub to soothe her. She settled back down almost instantly. 

They continued to bicker.

In the end, I settled the dispute. I had spoken up, after they had begun to annoy me too much, and taken Pete’s advice, declaring that I’d quite like to take the ferry. So we decided that we’d take the train there and ride the ferry home. 

“Silly boys,” I whispered to Lois with a roll of my eyes as Gerard headed off to bed.

“Stop turning my dog against me,” Frank teased and reached over to ruffle my hair.

Mikey scoffed, “I think Lois is just as much Nellie’s dog as she is yours, Frankie.” His phone pinged and he reached for it instantly.

Frank and I shared a look as Mikey tapped away on his phone, the slightest of smiles forming on his lips. He seemed to sense the look he was receiving from us and he glanced up with a frown. Then he rolled his eyes, “Dumbasses. I’m going to bed and the two of you should too. We have a busy day tomorrow.” And with that he took his phone and went upstairs.

“Huh,” Frank raised an eyebrow, “I wonder what that was about.”

I shook my head, “No fucking clue.”

“Hey, I was thinking… You’re always welcome here, you know that, right?”

I smiled, “Thanks Frankie.”

He scratched the back of his neck, “I know you’re going soon and once Gerard gets out of here he’s never going to want to come back but… You can come back anytime you want. I’d really like that, honestly. And so I was thinking… I know you’re probably gonna be busy in LA for a little while but maybe you could come back after Mikey’s birthday? I thought it might be a nice idea. You could stay here and you could meet my dad and- I know it will be a while but I was even thinking you could stick around here until after my birthday. You know, it could be fun to spend Halloween together, and well I don’t-”

“Frankie,” I cut him off with a laugh, “That sounds great. I’d love to.”

“Yeah?” He grinned, “Rad. It’ll be awesome, kid. I was thinking too that we could work something out, you know - me, you and G - so I’d get to spend more time with you too. I think maybe Mikeyway was onto something when he said we should co-parent. I mean, it could work.”

I scoffed, “I’m not a child.”

He rolled his eyes, “Well I know that, Baby Way. But you’re… The Kid.”

I grinned, “Okay, that’s fair I guess. I do think it would be a good idea though, Frank. I’ll talk to G about it when we get back to LA. I can stay there until after Mikey’s birthday and then probably head back to LA again at the beginning of November.”

He beamed, a smile brighter than I could have ever imagined. “That’s so great, kid. Fucking awesome.”

I smiled, “I’d gladly stay like this forever, Frankie. You know that. But if I have to split my time, I can compromise.”

His smile softened, “Halfway happy.”

“Oh you did not just hit me with a  _ Stranger Things  _ reference! Dude, stop trying to make me emotional.”

He chuckled, “Whoops, sorry about that, kiddo.”

I rolled my eyes, “Come on, tell me a story.”

“This is exploitation.”

“Pretty please.”

He sighed, “Fine. But an old one. I’m not getting into that summer right now. Um, let me think… Okay. Yeah. Okay. I have one from around 2003 that I know you’ll like. So it was sometime in like September 2003, I think, and we were at this party in some random house…”

+++

There were a lot of dumb assholes at the fucking party. And the house was too fucking small for the amount of people that were crammed into it and spilling out onto the yard. 

Mikeyway was hyper, or maybe he was just drunk. He was bouncing around excitedly and moving in and out of the house, talking to people and drinking and laughing. It was strange to watch him move around through the party. I don’t think he quite realised it, but people were drawn to him. It was a weird effect that both Way brothers had on people. Both of them were like the sun, everything else simply orbited around them.

With Gerard, people listened to him. They wanted to get into his head and pick his brain. They hung onto his crazy ideas.

But I’m pretty sure with Mikey, people wanted to fuck him. He had the potential to be such a fucking player. Even then, with his backcombed hair and t-shirts that never quite fit properly, half the guys and girls at that party wanted to fuck him.

Gerard on the other hand was drawing a crowd for another reason. People just fucking liked to listen to him talk. He was enchanting.

Especially like this, the way he was that night. He was dressed in dark clothes, as always, mostly black. His dark hair framed his face and the black beret he wore pulled the whole look together. He looked fucking beautiful, he always did, but that night in particular was one that stood out.

It was almost impossible to stay by his side that night, I felt like every time I had a moment with him someone else was there to drag him away.

“Frank!” Mikey was definitely drunk, “Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank-”

“What?” I sighed, “Sorry, excuse me,” I stepped away from the guys I’d been talking to and gave the younger Way my full attention.

He gave me a half smile, eyes glassy as he slurred, “You’re my best fucking friend, man.”

_ So it was gonna be one of those nights _ … I laughed, “You’re my best friend too, Mikes.”

He frowned, “No, Frank, you’re my  _ best friend _ , you know?” He was looking at me as if he thought I didn’t quite get it.

But I did. Of course I did. He was my best friend. Even when he was being an idiot.

“I know,” I smiled, “You’re my best fucking friend too, Mikeyway.”

He grinned, obviously delighted with himself. I rolled my eyes at my dumbass best friend, then glanced around to try to find my other dumbass friends. My gaze landed on his older brother who was leaning against the porch with a cigarette between his fingers and a plastic cup in his hand, chatting passionately to the small group of people that had gathered around him. He had a way of doing that, of drawing people to him, of holding a crowd. I couldn’t see Ray at that moment, but I knew that the fro wouldn’t be too hard to find.

Mikey, however, pulled my attention back to him, “I’m pretty sure that girl over there is trying to get off with Toro.”

Ah, so that’s where Ray was… 

I scoffed, “Ray Toro, the lady killer.”

Mikey cackled and then his face fell as some of the beer in his plastic cup splashed out onto his t-shirt. 

I scoffed again, “Dumbass.”

“Asshole,” He said without conviction and tried to wipe the beer off his shirt, succeeding only in spilling more of his drink. “Fuck,” He muttered.

“Okay, I’m gonna take this,” I snatched the cup out of his hand and watched in amusement as he tried to use his hand to wipe the beer off his shirt. But then I decided I had to be a good friend. I sighed, “Michael, that isn’t going to work. Come inside and we’ll find you a cloth or something.”

So with his cup and mine clutched in my hands and Mikey in tow, I weaved our way through the crowd and went into the house.

Ray was in the living room surrounded by a small group of people and sure enough there was a girl fawning over him. He seemed uncertain as to what he should be doing and I tried not to laugh. 

He raised an eyebrow at our bassist, “You okay there, Mikes?”

Mikey smiled happily, “Fucking cup was being a bitch.”

I rolled my eyes, “We’re gonna go find a cloth to clean him up.”

Ray nodded, “You need me to do anything?” He gripped the back of Mikey’s t-shirt as the younger man made his way towards the table of alcohol.

“I think we’re good,” I laughed, “Mikey, you need to clean your shirt. Then you can get another drink. Maybe.”

Mikey gagged and clamped his hand over his mouth.

“Shit,” I muttered and grabbed his elbow, leading him to the kitchen sink, where he spat up into the basin. Fucking great.

There was vomit on the floor and cabinets, and I knew that it wasn’t Mikey’s which immediately just grossed me out.

This was just nasty.

I sighed and gently rubbed his back as he continued to gag and heave, “Just get it up buddy.” 

I was pretty sure he had still been drunk from the night before and the asshole didn’t eat enough at all for the amount he was drinking.

But then he turned and looked up at me with a big grin, “I’m good.”

I rolled my eyes, “Fucking dumbass.”

“You okay, man?” One of the guys sitting at the kitchen table asked. Mikey and I turned to look at him and his eyes widened in recognition, “Awh dope! You’re the My Chem guys, right?”

I faintly recalled being introduced to him earlier that day and his name was on the tip of my tongue just as Mikey exclaimed, “Theo! Wait, Theodore? Right?” He rambled on a little confused for another moment.

The guy talked excitedly to Mikey and drunk, hyper Mikey matched his excitement. And then they started jeering and trying to wind Mikey up. 

“Hey back off, pal,” I told some dumbass with a dumb haircut and an even dumber outfit.

“Oh yeah, what are you gonna do about it, Shorty?”

Mikey glared at him, “Piss off, dickhead! Theodore, maybe tell your asshole friend to back off.”

I told Mikey I was going to get a drink, but really I just wanted to get Ray. It was a messy party and Mikey was being a dumbass and I was struggling in the role of babysitter.

But I couldn’t fucking find Ray.

“He’s taking a piss,” The girl who’d been clinging to him told me as I looked around the living room. “At least I think so anyway,” She laughed, “There were some girls making out in there earlier and I know there were guys going in to watch so…”

I frowned, “Don’t say that shit about Toro. He isn’t one of those guys. If he’s gone to the bathroom, he’s gone to take a fucking piss. Don’t be a bitch.”

She gaped at me, “Woah dude, chill. I was just saying-”

“Yeah well don’t,” I snapped and grabbed a bottle of beer from the table. This wasn’t how I had wanted to spend my night.

It was meant to be a good night, a nice party. I wanted to have a few drinks with Gerard, listen to some good music and just fucking vibe with my friends. But instead Gerard was entertaining the masses, I was babysitting Mikey, and Ray had some girl chasing after him. 

Not exactly my idea of a good night.

I headed back into the kitchen with a cup for Mikey, who was messing around with some guy who had a video camera.

So he had reached the  _ drunk enough to fuck anything _ stage of Mikey-drunkness. Fucking awesome. Stopping Mikey from getting an STD or some girl pregnant or fucking both was definitely not how I wanted to spend my night.

Fuck.

“Yo, fight! Fight!” Someone yelled and then I heard Ray calling for Gerard and  _ I just knew _ .

“Shit,” I muttered, the bottle of beer sliding from my grip as I ran from the kitchen. “Gerard!” I screamed, because I knew. I fucking knew. He had a way of drawing people to him, but that usually also meant trouble.

There was a large crowd gathered at the doorway and there were people pushing and shoving and yelling and Gerard was right in the fucking centre of it.

Ray was pulling people away and holding people back, trying to get to Gerard but at least making sure no one else got hurt in the process.

I didn’t fucking care though, I just wanted to get to Gerard and I didn’t care who I was shoving out of my way. I jumped up on my tippy-toes and I could see some asshole getting right in Gerard’s face and-

Suddenly the crowd was pouring down the steps and out into the front yard.

“Gerard!” I yelled, “Get the fuck out of my fucking- Gerard!” It was less crowded out on the grass and I could get to him. But more importantly I could dive on the asshole who was attacking him.

Ray was trying to control the situation. “Stay the fuck- Gerard! Can you just- Frank, no!” He yelped as I threw myself into the fight.

But it was too late.

“ _ Frankie _ !” Gerard shrieked as I got punched in the fucking neck. I caught sight of him just as someone knocked his beret onto the ground.

Mikey and his new friends from the kitchen appeared just as Ray was pulling some guy off of Gerard. Before I could make my way over to them, some guy flung himself at me and knocked me to the ground. I tried to roll him off me but the fucker was heavy and he ended up spitting in my fucking face, which just pissed me off.

So I kneed him in his side then kicked him as I scrambled up.

I glanced around for Gerard, but once again I’d lost him.

Fuck.

The guys who had started on Gerard were suddenly being run out of the party by the guys from the kitchen, but I wasn’t happy with that.

No, they’d attacked Gerard and they were going to fucking pay for that.

And so I lunged after them.

“Frank, no!” Ray was behind me then, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me back. But I was fucking pissed off. And so I kept going, half dragging Ray with me. He lifted me off the ground in his attempts to hold me back and even still I kept struggling.

“Frankie!” Gerard was in front of me then. His beret was back on his head and his cheeks were flushed. His nose was adorably pink from the cold evening air. His eyebrows pulled together in a frown, “ _ Stop _ , you’re just causing a scene now.”

I glared at him, “I’m causing a- You started a fight!” I struggled against Ray’s iron grip.

Ray sighed, “Frank, if I let you go do you promise not to be a dick?”

“Whatever,” I muttered and pulled away from him.

“I did not start a fight,” Gerard huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. 

Ray sighed again, “The two of you get to the van, I’m going to find Mikey. I don’t really see much point in us sticking around here tonight.”

“Can we go get food?” Gerard called after him. Ray simply ignored him and he huffed again, scuffing his shoes on the dirt, “I’m hungry.”

I rolled my eyes and headed for the van. He followed me.

I bumped his shoulder, “I know you didn’t start that fight. I was just being an asshole. You fucking frightened me, seeing you in the middle of a fight.”

He reached for my hand, twisting his fingers through mine, “I know, Frankie. Thank you for trying to help me though.”

I squeezed his hand, “Always. What happened anyway? Why’d they start on you?”

He shrugged, “I guess they were just dickheads. It doesn’t matter.”

I frowned, “You okay, G?”

He smiled, “I am now.”

I rolled my eyes, “Don’t go soft on me.”

He climbed into the back of the van and patted the seat beside him for me to join. I did so happily and sat pressed against him. We shared a cigarette as we waited for the others to join us. It was cold in the van so we sat close together and I loved every moment of it.

Mikey was wrapped in that dumb white jacket of his that he loved so fucking much when he climbed into the van. He had a lipstick kiss on his cheek and his hair was all messed up. I made a mental note to ask Toro where he had found him later.

Cortez slid into the front of the van with Ray and Worm and Pelissier climbed in next to Mikey.

“There’s always something with you guys, isn’t there?” Cortez chuckled as he started the van.

Gerard leaned forward, “Can we go get veggie burgers? I’m hungry.”

I nodded, “I could go for a veggie burger right about now.”

“Mmm,” Mikey agreed happily, “Or some chicken. And fries! Chicken would be good.”

“I really want a veggie burger,” Gerard said softly.

+++

All the talk of food was making me hungry. I’d never even tasted a veggie burger but suddenly I was craving one.

Frank yawned, “Hey, do you want coffee? Or are you going to bed?”

Coffee sounded better than a veggie burger, honestly. I shrugged, “It’s still early, I could go for a coffee.”

He rolled his eyes, “I don’t know why I even asked.” He got up and headed off to the kitchen. Lois fell off the sofa in her urgency to follow her person and investigate what he was doing.

“Give Lo a biscuit!” I yelled after him.

He simply laughed in response.

As I waited for him to return, I mulled over what he had said. It seemed that he was going to miss me just as much as I would miss him. So much so that he was inviting me back in just a few months time.

It was crazy, I couldn't help but think. I had always idolised him and now he seemed to care just as much for me as I did for him. I knew when we left Jersey I would miss him like crazy and so I couldn't look forward to it but a part of me couldn't wait. I couldn't wait to get back to LA just so I could come back to Jersey once again. As I sat there thinking of all this, I thought of Pete. He was something that I had mixed feelings about at the moment. I couldn't quite understand what he did to Mikey and why he had done it, but I knew they're obviously two sides to the story and I was eager to find out. 

Lois returned a moment later with a biscuit hanging out the side of her mouth. I couldn't help but laugh. I would definitely miss her more than anything and I was eager to get back to her. I never had a dog but Lois was the closest I've ever had and I loved her more than anything. I wondered if Gerard would ever get a dog. Maybe I could convince him.

But really it was Lois I wanted, not some other dog.

Although I wouldn’t say no to Lois  _ and _ another dog. Maybe more than one, lots of dogs.

I wasn’t too sure I could get Gerard to agree to that, but I knew Frank would love that.

Maybe if I asked  _ really nicely _ . 

Lois crunched on her biscuit and flopped down on the floor next to the sofa, and I completely forgot what I had been thinking off before Lois had taken over my thoughts. I slid off the sofa and lay down next to her, staring up at the ceiling.

“What am I going to do without you, Lo?” I leaned closer to scratch behind her ear and she looked at me with the happiest face imaginable. My heart broke a little.

I would miss her like crazy, there was no denying that. She had taken to sleeping in my bed next to me - a habit Frank had found irritating at first but had grown to love. The mere thought of not hearing her little snores at night was devastating.

Then, just to twist the knife, I thought about how I wouldn’t have morning coffees or these late night talks with Frank anymore and I felt my eyes well up. 

“Lost in thought, huh?” Frank scoffed as he walked in carrying too mugs of coffee, “You’re such a Way.”

I smiled as he placed the mugs on the coffee table.

He chuckled and lowered himself to the ground next to me, “I’m getting flashbacks right now. You know G and Mikes used to do this. I can still remember the first time I walked in on them lying like this. I know the rules, no joining in the conversation unless you join on the floor,” He lay down next to me, nudging my shoulder, “I’m guessing your other dad has imparted this wisdom onto you. Baby Way indeed.”

I poked his side, “Mikey thinks I’m quite an Iero too.”

He grinned, “Well obviously. You’ll have to tell Wentz that we’re renaming you Baby Iero-Way.”

I rolled my eyes, “It doesn’t roll off the tongue the same way though. And Wentz? Really?”

“A term of endearment,” He waved his hand, “We were good friends once, you know.”

“So I’ve heard,” I laughed.

He scoffed, “We were. I have lots of stories to tell on that one. But I don’t think I’ve told you about this whole situation so let’s go pretty far down memory lane, Nellie.”

+++

Mikeyway was lying on the floor with his white jacket tucked under his head like a pillow and his legs propped against the bed, talking in a hushed voice to his brother, who was lying on the floor in a similar fashion.

We had a rare couple of days off, and even more rare was the fact that we were staying in a small motel with actual beds during our time off. It was a nice change from being packed into the van. We were somewhere in the midwest, I wasn’t quite sure where, and we had two motel rooms between all of us which felt like an insanely large amount of space compared to the shitty van.

Now I’d known the Way brothers for a few years at this point and thought it would be safe to say that I was used to their weird ways, I’d even go so far as to say I understood it, but this baffled me.

They were lying on the floor and fucking ignoring me, as if they were in their own fucking world.

I sighed, fed up, and gave Gerard’s leg a little kick, “Hey assholes!”

They both gazed up at me, looking a little perplexed for a moment then went back to their hushed conversation.

I released after a moment that they were discussing the album. We would be finished touring in just a few weeks and then we were going to start recording the album. 

Gerard was explaining his ideas in great detail to his younger brother.

I felt a little out of place and I actually forgot what I had wanted the two of them for to begin with. I rolled my eyes, “Okay, I can see I’m intruding so I’m going to just-”

“Oh for the love of-” Mikey propped himself up on his elbows and turned his deadpan stare onto me, “It’s a good place to think and let ideas flow, form plans and shit. So that’s what we’re doing. But you standing there ruins the vibe. So if you want to join in, you can. But you have to be on the floor too.” He flopped back down and turned back to his brother, “So what were you saying?”

Gerard continued his babbling, “I want it to expand on the story. We set up a story with  _ Bullets _ and I think this album could kinda bring that to life, you know? And…”

It made absolutely no sense to me why they were lying on the floor or why they were treating that as their own little bubble. It made even less sense to me why I found myself joining them, lying down next to Gerard.

He turned to me with a smile, “Hey Frankie.”

“Hi G,” I chuckled, “I gotta say this is weird.”

Mikey rolled his eyes.

Gerard laughed, “Trust me, it helps to think. Mikes and I used to do this as kids. We’d lie on the floor at night and share ideas and thoughts and shit.”

“We’d talk for hours like this,” Mikey recalled fondly.

I decided to trust them. Usually their weird ways had a way of working out.

So I nodded, “Okay. Catch me up…”

+++

I swallowed the last gulp of coffee from my mug and smiled at Frank, “I think those stories are my favourites.” I lay back down on the floor.

He scoffed, “The weird ones?”

I sighed, “No. The older ones. Pre 2005. They’re sweet. They just- I don’t know, they capture something so pure, I guess.”

“You’re such a Way,” He laughed, “So fucking strange, Baby Way.”

I ignored him, “ _ Tell me more, tell me more _ …” I sang.

He cackled, “Okay. Just for that beautiful singing, I’ll try to think of something else…”

+++

My fucking lighter wasn’t working. Fuck.

I guess that was to be expected from shitty dollar store lighters. It had lasted longer than I’d expected honestly, it was only a matter on time before it went.

“Fuck,” I muttered and let it fall to the ground. I twisted around in my seat, “You got a light?” I asked Gerard.

He cradled his coffee cup close to his chest, using the other hand to pat his pockets for a lighter. I smiled at him as he did so. He was adorable when he was like this. His dark hair was greasy and hung in front of his face, and I doubted he would have smelled too great to anyone else. But I loved him even when he smelled gross. And I loved how happy he looked when he got a cup of coffee. He had been awfully proud of himself for wooing the lady at Applebees into filling up his thermos.

He grinned triumphantly when he found a lighter and handed it over, “Yours broke again, huh?”

I grunted, “Yep.” I lit my cigarette then tossed the lighter back to him. I took a drag before speaking again, “You love me, right?”

His grip visibly tightened on his cup, “I worked hard for this.”

I gaped at him, “I just want a sip.”

He glared at me.

“It’s a big thermos!” I exclaimed, almost dropping my cigarette, “And you had two cups when we were in there!”

He looked a little torn for a long moment and then he grunted and handed me the cup. I beamed and took a gulp from it. He took my cigarette from me and took a drag.

Mikey watched us with that dumbfounded expression of his. He looked at us like that a lot.

“What?” I raised an eyebrow as Gerard passed me back the cigarette and I handed back the thermos.

Mikeyway shook his head, “You’re such a married couple.”

Gerard frowned, “What does that mean?”

He didn’t get an answer because his brother’s phone rang then.

I shifted in my seat, “Ray tell Mikey that-”

_ Oh no _ .

Gerard’s wide eyes met mine. 

It felt like that scene in  _ Home Alone _ where the mom realises Kevin isn’t with them and jumps up and yells his name.

“Shit,” We uttered in unison, both turning to look at Mikey.

“Ray!” I yelled.

“Awh shit,” Worm remarked and made to turn around.

Mikey answered his cell phone and pressed it to his ear. “Ray?… We know, we know. Fuck. Sorry, man. We’re coming back to get you. Just stay where you are. We’ll be there as soon as we can.”

Scratch what I’d said before. It felt like  _ Home Alone 2 _ . This was the fucking second time we’d done this. About a year previous, we had done the same at a truck stop.

“Oh we’re horrible friends,” Gerard muttered. Cortez started to laugh then, causing Gerard to look completely appalled.

“Come on, man, you gotta admit it is a little funny,” Cortez pressed his lips together but it did little to stop his laughter.

I giggled a little then clamped my hand over my mouth.

“You’re fucking laughing!” Gerard looked astonished.

And then Mikey started to crack up and we all lost it. Even Gerard.

+++

“I’m hungry,” I noted, nudging Frank with my foot.

He was lying upside down on the armchair, “Me too. I really want a veggie burger.”

I sat up, “Right?” I exclaimed delightly, “I’m craving one so badly.”

He sighed, “It’s like 2am, nowhere is going to be open for veggie burgers. I’m pretty sure we have some in the freezer from  _ Trader Joe’s  _ though. I can make them?” He offered.

“Do we have the bun things?”

“Possibly?”

I shrugged, “Okay. Let’s go make some veggie burgers.”

Lois and I followed Frank into the kitchen and he rooted around for the packet of veggie burgers while I pulled myself up onto the counter.

“I wish I could do magic,” I commented, “You know like proper magic.”

“Harry Potter or Gandalf?”

I mulled this over, “Probably more like Wanda Maximoff. Or just like general witch powers, you know?”

He pulled out the packet of veggie burgers and nodded, “Yeah I get that. Or like Jean Grey. Her powers are cool.”

“Ooh,” I felt my face light up, “Yes! I forgot about her. Definitely Jean Grey, her powers are awesome. Hey, should I chop up some lettuce and onion for the burgers?”

He nodded, “Sure, that could work. I like Thor’s powers too. I like the idea of being a god.”

I hopped off the counter and headed to the refrigerator, “Thor is pretty awesome. You gotta love Iron Man too though.”

He agreed, “Oh definitely. He’s literally a regular guy who made himself a superhero. He’s rad. Have you seen  _ Infinity War _ yet?”

I scoffed, “Obviously. I saw it like the day it came out.”

“Did you cry?”

I spun on my heel to look at him, “Frank, do you know me at all?”

He tore open the packet of burgers and chuckled, “You cried through the whole movie, didn’t you?”

I nodded, placing the lettuce on the chopping board, “Oh yeah. Full on ugly crying for two and a half hours. No fucking joke. When the opening was silent, I started to cry. And then I just didn’t stop crying.”

“That doesn’t surprise me,” He laughed, “Who did you cry most at?”

I sighed, “That’s a tough one. I mean, I sobbed through it all. I didn’t enjoy watching Wanda have to kill Vision because I love Wanda. But that was just the fucking tip of the iceberg, man. I literally stopped breathing when Bucky got snapped.”

He cackled, “What? No! Nellie!”

I nodded again, “Yep. It gets worse. So I had stopped breathing when Bucky got snapped, kinda went into shock because he is one of my favourite characters but, uh, when, um-”

“This is building up to Spider-Man, isn’t it?” He grinned sadistically, “What did you do?”

“I sort of screamed. A weird strangled cry of a scream when he said-”

“ _ Mr Stark, I don’t feel so good _ ,” Frank imitated and then completely cracked up, laughing so hard he actually started to cry.

“What are you doing?”

I yelped and dropped a piece of lettuce.

Frank chuckled, “Hey G. You okay?”

I turned to look at Gerard who had walked into the kitchen. He was wearing a t-shirt and shorts and he was barefoot, he looked quite sleepy. 

“What are you doing?” He asked again. Lois bounded excitedly over to him.

Frank gestured to the oven, “Making veggie burgers. And listening to the kid’s trauma over Marvel movies. You want one?”

Gerard bent down to give Lois a little cuddle and yawned as he nodded, “Sure. A veggie burger sounds good.”

Frank made the burgers, I chopped salad to go in them, Gerard toasted the buns, Lois hovered around licking up crumbs, and Mikeyway slept through it all.

Veggie burgers were yummy, I decided as we sat around the kitchen table eating veggie burgers at 3am. They were really good.

“So,” Frank started, “I think we should change the kid’s name to Baby Iero-Way.”

Gerard scoffed, “Absolutely not.”

“What? Why not?” 

“Baby Way sounds cuter. Baby Iero-Way is too wordy, it sounds dumb,” Gerard shrugged.

“No fucking way. I wanna be included! I’m not included when it’s Baby Way.”

Gerard shrugged again, “Then change your name to Way. Because Baby Iero-Way is dumb.”

Frank gaped. He’d obviously caught on to what Gerard had said. I half expected him to make some comment about how he almost had but he seemed to just be letting it slide. Probably a wise move. He shook his head, “Nope, you’re wrong. I’m gonna tell Wentz that his name was-”

“ _ Frank _ ,” I shot him a warning look but it was too late. He’d said it.

“Wentz?” G frowned, “As in Pete Wentz? He came up with Baby Way?”

I groaned, “Mikey didn’t want you to know. He’d thought you’d worry… But we met Pete a few days before we left LA. Things didn’t go too great between him and Mikeyway but he’s been talking to me.”

“Right,” He nodded, “But he came up with Baby Way?”

“Yep.”

“Huh.”

“You seem strangely calm,” Frank pointed out.

He shrugged, “Meeting up with an old lover isn’t a crime.”

Frank scrunched his face up, “Ew. Don’t say  _ lover _ .”

Gerard rolled his eyes, “You’re weird. And I’m not gonna freak out over it. It’s fine. I’m surprised you were told about it though. And even more surprised you aren’t freaking out.”

Frank shifted and I instantly got the sense that there was something I wasn’t being told. But his smile bounced back, “Pete and I were friends, once upon a time. If he’s helping the kid out with the book then I don’t mind.”

Gerard smiled fondly, “That was a strange friendship.”

“Well we had something to bond over. We’d both fallen for Ways,” He laughed, “Nellie, I have a good one for you. You’ll like this…”

+++

It was sometime in the middle of July, before everything went down in Indiana and we were parked up at the venue. Gerard had fallen asleep, it had been a long day full of shows and signings and interviews and everyone was just completely exhausted. But I couldn’t sleep at all for some fucking reason. And I was bored. And the bunk was too crammed to actually do anything to entertain myself. 

And trying to wake G was like trying to wake the dead. I had tried. He was out for the count.

So I rolled out of the bunk and made my way as quietly as possible to-

“ _ Holy shit _ !” I yelped when I saw Pete.

He was sitting on the couch with his laptop on his knee and he glanced up at me with a raised eyebrow, “You good, Iero?”

“You fucking frightened me, asshole,” I glared at him as I flopped down onto the seat, “Fuck you, Wentz. What the fuck are you doing here? You weren’t here when Mikey went to bed.”

He shrugged, “I came in the window.”

I gaped, “You what? You’re- You’re so fucking strange. Why are you just chilling here?”

“Mikey’s asleep,” He shrugged again, still typing on his laptop, “And the sweet little dude is sprawled out in his bunk like a little starfish, so there’s no fucking point in trying to get in there with him. And he’s been pretty run down lately so I don’t wanna wake him or anything, you know?” He closed his laptop, “Come on then, what’s up with you, dickwad?”

I rolled my eyes, “Thanks for that one, assface. I can’t fucking sleep. I need a coffee or something. I doubt I’m gonna sleep anytime soon.”

He scoffed, “I know that feeling. Do you drink?”

“Coffee? Have you seen half my bandmates? If I didn’t drink coffee, I’d be hung, drawn and quartered. Of course I drink coffee.”

He kicked me, “I meant alcohol, dummy. Let’s go get drunk.”

It had been a hot fucking minute since I’d gotten drunk.

I grinned, “Okay. Let’s go get drunk…”

He hopped up, “We need to find alcohol. I think we have some beers on my bus. I’ll grab that, you find some chairs.”

“What the fuck do I need chairs for?” I frowned as he headed for the door.

He sighed, “To sit on,  _ obviously _ .” And then he ran off without another word. 

I rolled my eyes but found my shoes and a random hoodie that was on the floor. And then I headed for the stages to find some fucking chairs to steal.

Twenty minutes later, I was sitting on one of the foldable chairs I’d found next to the stages with my feet propped up on another. I smoked a cigarette and watched as Pete rushed over with a tote bag clutched in his hand.

“Smoking kills, you know,” He pointed out as he flopped into the chair next to me.

“Bite me,” I flipped him off, “So what’s in the bag?”

He grinned, “Beer. And lots of it,” He offered me one.

“So getting drunk is your cure to insomnia?”

He shrugged, “Not entirely. Getting drunk is just my way of trying to have a good night. And I haven’t really gotten drunk much this summer so…” He clicked his bottle against mine, “Here’s to summer nights getting drunk with new friends.”

“You’re a dumbass,” I grinned, “But I like being your friend. Here’s to being stuck with the Ways, and each other, for a very long time.”

Pete looked strangely sentimental, “I’ll drink to that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof, so there it is. Thank you for reading and sticking around through this little rough patch.  
> Okay I don't have a lot of time so this is going to have to be quick...  
> So the portfolio deadline is on the fifth and I'll be working on that until then which means I won't get a chance to write and I won't be updating on Friday. But I really just wanted to get this chapter out so I could say that I will be updating again on the 12th of February and from then on we'll be back to the regular posting schedule. Once again thanks for sticking with me through this.  
> It's been a crazy couple of weeks and I've not been doing too great so I'm a little all over the place right now. I've barely been on here lately but there's a lot of notifications in my inbox and lots of comments that I just haven't had a chance to respond to but I promise I will get around to it soon. Thank you to everyone for the support, I'm absolutely blown away by the amount of comments and how much the hits have went up. Thank you all so much from the bottom of my heart.  
> Quick side note that while I haven't had much of a chance to write lately I did drawn a piece from Warped Tour 05 which you can see on my art account (jade_art11 on Instagram) if anyone would like to check that out.  
> Okay, I think that's all for me. I'll be back on the 12th with another chapter and I promise from then on there won't be any interruptions in the schedule.  
> Thank you again for the comments, I will respond as soon as I get the chance.   
> Until next time... Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. Let me know in the comments what you think. I hope everyone is doing well and that you all have a good week.  
> Stay home, stay safe and stay spooky! xo jadda


	23. Nell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all, this is a little bit later than I'd planned so I'm really sorry about that but at least I got it out. So as you can probably see this chapter is completely from Nell's perspective and I know that not everyone will enjoy this but I promise I won't make a habit of it. I just want to build up her character a little bit more, you know? I have all of these ideas about her and I know her whole story but I haven't shared it with you guys so this is my way of starting to.

My back was aching when I woke up. It took me a long moment to realise why.

I was curled up in the armchair in the living room, with my legs tucked awkwardly underneath me and my neck bent at a strange angle. Lois was curled up between my legs and the arm of the chair, half shoving me off the seat. 

I grunted, “Lo, get down.” She lifted her head to look at me then promptly ignored me. I gaped at her.

I heard a soft chuckle and I jumped a little.

Mikey was standing in the doorway and he pressed a finger to his lips as he smiled, then he gestured to the sofa. I sat up a little and then pressed my lips together to suppress the laughter that threatened to bubble out of me. 

Frank and Gerard were sprawled out together on the sofa. I instantly thought of the episode of  _ Friends _ where Ross and Joey napped together, because it looked pretty much exactly like that. Gerard had an arm around Frank and Frank was tucked comfortably against him.

I pressed a hand over my mouth, fearful that I’d make a noise and disturb them. I looked back to Mikey. He grinned and gestured to the kitchen. I carefully followed after him.

“So what the fuck did I miss?” He asked quietly.

I shrugged, “Nothing. I think? I don’t- We had veggie burgers at like three in the morning and I fell asleep in the chair at like half four.”

“Oh,” He frowned, “So nothing happened?”

I shook my head, “Not that I know of. Frank and I were sitting up talking and drinking coffee, we got hungry and decided to make veggie burgers. Gerard appeared and joined us. He and Frank were talking in their usual awkward way. And when I fell asleep we were watching TV and they were sitting on the sofa.”

“Oh,” He repeated, looking slightly disappointed, “I guess they must have just fallen asleep and ended up like that. Probably best that we don’t mention it then, huh?”

I sighed, “Yeah probably. Fuck I need to go get ready.”

Mikey rolled his eyes, “You have loads of time before we have to leave.”

“Mikey, I’m sick of looking like a slob. I want to dress nice to go to fucking New Yor city, okay?”

He bit back laughter and held up his hands, “Okay, kiddo, you do your thing. I’ll make you some coffee.”

It was quite the ordeal trying to get out of the house and onto the train.

There was a lot of yelling, a lot of running back into the house for stuff and a lot of panic. It was kind of great. I guessed this was probably how family outings went. I loved it.

Mikey sat next to Frank during the train ride, looking like two schoolboys up to no good. The smirks plastered across their faces seemed to prove this right.

I nudged Gerard, “What are they up to?” 

He yawned, “No fucking good.” He took a gulp of coffee and pulled a face, “This tastes like fucking shit.”

I glanced at the cup in my hand and nodded, “It’s not the best.” To be fair, the cart we’d gotten it from next to the train station had looked pretty fucking shitty. I gulped it down anyway, “But I guess it’s still coffee.”

He chuckled, “True. We’ll get some proper coffee when we get into the city.”

I groaned, “Please not Starbucks.”

“Starbucks is good.”

“Not the best though,” I pointed out.

He grunted something that sounded a lot like “ _ coffee snob _ .”

“So,” I picked at the plastic lid of my cup, “How are you and Frank? You seemed pretty friendly last night.”

He rolled his eyes, “That’s because we are friends.”

“Don’t be an asshole,” I scoffed, “You know what I mean.”

“I know. But I just- We are still friends, Nellie. We’ve always been close.”

I harrumphed. Quite literally. I didn’t buy it but I knew not to push it.

He smiled sadly, “I know this isn't the ending you wanted, kid.”

“Hey,” I frowned, “That doesn’t- Look, I’m just happy that you’re okay. That’s all.”

Mikey leaned his head over the seat to look at us, “Are you guys hungry? I want breakfast.”

“I’d quite like a decent coffee,” Gerard waved his half empty cup in his brother’s direction.

Frank turned to look at us too, “I’d like a bagel.”

“Ooh coffee and bagels,” Gerard lit up, “That sounds good.”

“Coffee and bagels it is then,” Frank flashed Gerard a loving smile and for a brief moment it seemed they were the only people in the world.

Mikey and I shared a look and I could tell he was trying not to laugh.

Frank’s choice for breakfast was a good one. The coffee was just the right amount of sweet and the bagel was full of scrambled eggs, cheese and bacon and toasted to perfection. I happily trailed along behind the others, munching on my bagel and sipping my coffee while I gazed around happily, taking in all the sights. When I fell too far behind on the busy streets, Frank would fall back to grab my elbow and pull me along. 

“Ooh, look!” I squealed happily as we passed a very stereotypical New York hot dog stand.

Frank beckoned me along, “That’s the third one, Nellie.”

Mikey glanced back at us, “I’ll buy you a hot dog for lunch. Come on, kiddo, or Frank will end up being late.”

I finished my bagel by the time we arrived at the building where Frank was doing the interview. It was pretty lowkey, an old friend of his was doing a podcast or radio show or something and Frank had offered to be a guest on it. Or something. I had heard New York and kind of forgot about everything else after that.

Frank headed inside and against Gerard’s protests, the rest of us followed him in. Mikey wanted to say hi to the old friend, seemingly he knew him too, and I was just being nosey. Gerard didn’t want to be left on his own though so we all trudged in. The hobo, the LA asshole, the punk and the kid. What a team we made.

Mikey said hello, Gerard looked uncomfortable, I finished my coffee and Frank told us he’d call when he was done. So then we were left to explore the city.

I was thankful I had opted to wear a pair of shorts and an old My Chem t-shirt instead of jeans as Gerard had done. I’d also even gone so far as to braid my hair up so it was off my neck. I was nothing if not prepared. And I was determined to enjoy our short trip to New York.

The t-shirt was undoubtedly one of my new favourites. I had spent an afternoon the week before helping Frank sort through the closet in my room in his house and it had proven just how much of a hoarder he really was.

“You could open a store with the amount of shit you have in here,” I scoffed as I folded another white Danger Days spider t-shirt. I think it was the sixth one so far.

“This is just one closet in one room,” Frank laughed, “I have more in other rooms and the attic and my mom’s house and my dad’s house and storage and-”

“Oh my God!” I bundled up the shirt nearest to me and flung it at him, “Why do you have so much shit? I’m- You know what, I’m intervening. That’s it.”

“Oh yeah?” He chuckled, “How are you going to do that?”

I plucked up one of the Danger Days t-shirts, “I’m taking some of these. Who needs six of the same shirt?  _ In different sizes _ ?” I gasped, “Frank, you’re going to wind up on some shitty TLC show. I’m stepping in.”

“It’s not that bad! I’ve just kept some of our merch from over the years,” He shrugged.

I stretched across to grab a shirt, “Frankie, I know for a fact that this is from like 2005. And you have  _ two _ of them. Why?”

“Sentimental value?” He tried then laughed at himself.

So that’s how I ended up with quite the selection of My Chem shirts.

“Can we get more coffee?” Mikey asked as he dropped his coffee cup into the trash can.

“Ooh,” I grinned excitedly, “Hey, can we go to a bookshop? There’s coffee there.”

Gerard shrugged, “Sure. Where is it?”

We had to take the subway to get to the bookshop Pete had recommended, which would have been fine if not for the fact that Gerard completely missed our stop when he just decided to stop paying attention without telling Mikey or I where we were to go.

“Oh,” Gerard frowned, glancing around, “We were meant to get off two stops ago.”

“ _ Gerard _ ,” Mikey hissed, “Why didn’t you tell us that?”

“I didn’t realise,” He muttered sheepishly.

“Gerard!” Mikey was snapping now, “You said you knew.”

“In my defense, I lived here when I was in art school which is pretty much a lifetime ago.”

We ended up having to get off at the next stop and turning to go the other way.

“Only a small detour,” I said cheerily as we sat down on the unsanitary seats once again. I was in a pretty good mood, honestly.

“I just wanted coffee,” Mikey grumbled unhappily, crossing his arms and pouting like a child.

Gerard promptly ignored him.

In Frank’s absence, it seemed to fall onto Mikey to make sure I didn’t get lost on the unfamiliar streets. It made me feel like a child in a way, but I guessed it was also pretty logical seeing as I kept getting distracted by lots of little things. Gerard was paying little attention to what Mikey and I were doing, instead he was trying to pretend he knew where he was going.

“Remind me to buy a kiddie leash if we ever take you to Disneyland,” Mikey teased. He looked genuinely happy, and some of the strain had faded from behind his eyes. It was always nice to see his smile. Mikeyway’s smile was completely contagious.

We had stopped at a Starbucks once we got off the subway and then when I’d slowed down to look at a food cart, Mikeyway bought me a pretzel and then proceeded to eat most of it himself. He told me once again that he’d buy me a hot dog later, after deciding that it was too soon after breakfast to get one now.

“Aha!” Gerard exclaimed with delight, “Found it and- Oh, Nellie, this place looks  _ awesome _ . Mikeyway, doesn’t it look great?”

“Yeah, it- Kid, how’d you find this place?”

I had been too distracted by looking at the building in front of me that I hadn’t paid any attention to Mikey. His face had fallen completely and he looked utterly appalled. 

“I, um- Oh. Well. You know.”

He nodded, “Yeah.”

Gerard turned to us, raising an eyebrow, “I sincerely hope we didn’t go through all of this to not go inside.”

I pushed my sunglasses into my hair and smiled, “No, no. I really want to go in. Mikes?” I nudged him. I widened my eyes a little, in an attempt to silently let him know we’d talk later.

He rolled his eyes, some of the cheer having returned to his eyes, “Sure. Let’s go inside.”

We split up once we got inside, branching off to look around the store that was filled from floor to ceiling with books. We agreed to meet in thirty minutes at the little cafe in the back of the store. 

I realised that this was probably my dream place. Coffee and books, what more could a girl want?

The shelves were crammed full with books old and new and the aisles were narrow mazes. It was overwhelming in a sense but I loved it all completely.

I realised as I was only about five minutes into my browsing that thirty minutes was not going to be long enough for the amount of shelves there were to scour. I knew I wouldn’t forgive myself if I wasted my entire New York trip hidden away in a bookstore, but I also knew that would literally be the opposite of a waste… 

I scoured the store, scanning the shelves and plucking out a few books that caught my eye. I was in heaven. This was paradise for me. I had a mix of new books and older, second hand copies stacked in my arms and I was completely in my element.

I may have gone a little over the time limit… 

“Nice shirt,” Someone commented from next to me and I truly had to resist the urge to laugh.

It was a laughable situation. A couple of months ago, having a random person compliment my MCR shirt in a bookstore would have been the wildest thing to happen to me. But now… not so much.

A boy around my age was standing in the aisle I had wandered onto and he was smiling at me.

I glanced down at my shirt, “Oh, um, thanks.” It  _ was  _ a nice shirt.

Look, it was a nice meet cute. Of course it was. But, come on, I had enough cliches going on in my life without adding a bookshop meet cute in on top of it.

“I’ve never seen that one before. Is it new? Or really old and rare or something?” He gestured to my shirt with a chuckle. 

It was. It was definitely pretty rare. It was a black t-shirt, a  _ Ride it like you stole it _ My Chem t-shirt that I had gotten way too excited about when Frank had shown it to me. 

“Yeah. Yeah I guess it is rare, or whatever,” I shrugged, “And pretty old, honestly.”

“That’s awesome,” He grinned, “That must have cost you a small fortune then. How’d you even find it?” He seemed nice, he really did. And he had a nice smile. He was pretty too, I guess. Or whatever you’re meant to call guys. He seemed like the type of guy who wouldn’t like to be called pretty honestly. 

“Oh, my, um- My dad gave it to me. He’s had it for years.”

“Awh no way! That’s awesome. Man, that’s so cool.”

Small talk wasn’t my thing. Speaking to strangers in random places wasn’t my thing either. I wasn’t a people person and I certainly wasn’t good at this sort of thing. 

But I hate rudeness. So I tried my best.

I offered a smile, “You a big fan?”

He shrugged, “Not entirely. But when a pretty girl bumps into you wearing a shirt you recognise… What else is a guy to do?” He smirked then and I pulled a face.

Look, like I said, I don’t like rudeness but the thing is, I also don’t really like boys. No, okay that wasn’t right. I did like guys, sometimes, but it wasn’t often. I liked guys, but I had more of a lean towards girls I guess. And he wasn’t the type of guy I liked when I did like guys. 

“Oh, um…” People were difficult. Or maybe I was the difficult one. “Um, well I am a fan.”

It didn’t matter who was difficult, I just simply couldn’t handle talking to people. Especially new people.

The boy started to rattle off again. He was very suave, so points for that. Also the confidence was astounding. I always wanted to be able to have the kind of confidence that would allow me to just strike up conversations, but people just scared me too much. And-

Oh god, he was still talking and I had no clue what about. Now I was definitely going to seem rude. Fuck.

Oh no, this was too main character for me. I was a side character in an ensemble at best. 

_ Please stop talking, please stop talking. _ I just wanted to look at books in peace.

Peace just did not seem to be a fucking option lately though.

Then, the fucking saviour himself appeared at the end of the aisle.

“Nellie!” Gerard frowned at the boy in front of me in that  _ dad _ way of his that he seemed to be growing oh so fond of. He reached over to take the stack of books from my dead arms, “You okay, kiddo? We ordered you a coffee but it started to go cold so Mikey drank it. He’s gonna- Hi, are you okay?”

The boy was gaping at him, “You’re the- You’re the guy from-” He pointed at my t-shirt a little forcefully and I jumped back. He gasped, “Wow, dude, I’m a huge fan!”

I pulled a face, because he wasn’t really. He’d just admitted as much to me.

Gerard’s face changed instantly. The  _ dad-face _ fell away and was quickly replaced by his more professional one that he used when approached by fans. 

“Oh that’s so cool. It’s nice to meet you.”

The boy glanced at me, “ _ This  _ is your dad? Your dad is- Your dad is this guy?!” 

I found it slightly amusing that while he recognised G as the dude from My Chem, he had no idea what his name was. But, hey, at least he caught on quick.

I shrugged, “Yeah I guess so.”

Gerard looked like he was going to cry.

“She called me her dad!” Gerard sang to Mikey as we sat down at the table next to him. 

The boy had fawned a little more over Gerard, still not knowing his name. But it was hilarious. I found it incredibly amusing to watch the interaction and somehow even funnier that the boy was suddenly treating me as if I was someone important. He had even gone so far as to ask for a picture with both of us. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that one… 

I took a gulp from the coffee that was waiting for me and rolled my eyes. 

“Hasn’t she done that before?” Mikey glanced up from his phone, eyebrow slightly raised.

“Don’t ruin my buzz, Mikeyway,” Gerard scoffed.

Mikey rolled his eyes, “Frank texted where to meet him for lunch, so when we finish here we have to go to some Midtown vegan place. He texted a while ago.”

“How long has he been done?” G widened his eyes, “Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

“Oh my God, I’m not that mean,” He scoffed, “Even when it’s Frank. No, he said to meet him there at one thirty so finish up here and we’ll get going. This coffee is good. Drink up, Nellie.”

The coffee was good. The bookshop was incredible. The books I had found had me ridiculously happy. And I was delighted by the tote bag that my books had been loaded into. 

I was happy.

“Nellie,” Mikey grunted and grabbed my arm, pulling me down the steps to the subway, “Come on, you gotta stop getting distracted.”

“But they had  _ hats _ , Mikeyway!” I pointed to the stall but to no avail. I looked to Gerard, “They have  _ hats _ ! Like in  _ Enchanted _ !”

“Ooh, let’s get hats!”

Mikey grabbed his older brother’s arm just as Gerard made to spin around towards the stall.

Gerard sighed, “Fine. I suppose we should probably wait for Frank to do stuff like this.”

“What about hot dogs?” I asked. Mikey kept a hold of my arm as we walked to the subway. Probably a good idea.

“Why are you so obsessed with these fucking hot dogs?” He rolled his eyes.

“We’ll make sure to get you one before we leave kiddo,” Gerard reassured me.

Thankfully we got off at the right stop this time, mostly because Mikey was hangry. Gerard and I were so busy snacking on the jellies I’d picked up when we’d stopped at a corner store to get cigarettes that I don’t think either of us would have noticed if we missed our stop. But thankfully Mikey had more sense.

Frank was waiting outside when we got to the vegan cafe and I was delighted to learn that it was practically next to the Empire State Building. He was leaning against the wall with a big shit eating grin smeared across his face, a cigarette between his lips and a few bags clutched in his hands.

“Frank, this is-” I started.

“I thought you’d like the view,” He opened his arms as I bounced over to hug him. He scoffed, “Where did you guys go? A shopping spree?”

“One store. And we got lost four times,” Mikey told him. 

Frank peered into my bag and smiled, “You better have gotten me something.”

Gerard answered immediately, “Of course.” He waved one of the bags he was holding.

Frank faltered, looking a little shocked. Then a sad smile spread across his face, “Thanks G.”

Gerard tried to shrug it off, even as a soft blush fell across his cheeks.

I appreciated the moment, enjoyed the fact that they were… being them.

But as previously stated, Michael James Way was hangry.

“Oh for fucks sake!” He exclaimed, “Let’s save the heart eyes for inside. I’m starving.”

It was really fucking nice inside. And it was so cool in there compared to the humid heat of the city. 

We found a table and poured over the menus which only confused me. I couldn’t see anything I liked the sound of and so I had to nudge Frank.

“Yeah?” He glanced up at me.

“Help,” I gestured to the menu, “I don’t know what to get.”

He chuckled, “Well what do you like the sound of?”

I shrugged, “I don’t know.”

“Okay, just trust me.”

I ended up liking most of what Frank picked for me, but there was tofu mixed in with my noodles which was gross so I had to pick around that to eat the noodles. The dumplings were pretty good though.

We didn’t go up the Empire State Building, mostly because the line was so long and also because we had other places we wanted to go before our ferry home. Our next stop was Times Square. And then we went onto Central Park.

And Mikey finally let me get a hot dog.

“The two of you are gross,” Frank grimaced as Mikey and I ate our hot dogs.

I shrugged, “They taste good.”

“You’re gonna be sick when we get home,” Gerard commented as he passed the box of cigarettes to Frank. He was probably right. Breakfast, pretzel, lunch, hot dog, and lots of coffee in between. But it was worth it.

We all looked so fucking strange. I had convinced the others to all get the foam Statue of Liberty hats so we just looked like dumb matching tourists. I kind of loved it.

I snapped a picture of Mikey with his foam hat on over his baseball cap as he ate the messy hot dog. In the second picture, he was grinning awkwardly with food on his face. Lovely.

And then I got one of Gerard and Frank standing next to each other smoking. Frank grinned in that dorky way of his and Gerard smiled a little.

Mikey rolled his eyes, “You’ve been taking pictures of us and of stuff all fucking day. Give me your phone. I suppose we have to get a family photo.” He took my phone and gestured for the others to move closer as he snapped a picture of all four of us together.

It was an instant favourite of mine, and as soon as he handed me my phone back I set it as my background. Too fucking cute.

I yawned and leaned against Frank on the ferry ride home. We had spent the day running around the city and looking at sights and shopping and eating and I was just… exhausted. The filling dinner in the Italian restaurant only served to make me more tired. 

My feet were sore, my bare legs were cold on the evening ferry and my arms were weighed down with bags. I was exhausted.

And when we got off the ferry we had a cab ride home to look forward to. I was too tired for this shit. I just wanted to put on comfy clothes and curl up on the couch with Lois.

I almost fell asleep in the cab, only staying awake because Frank kept poking me in the side and Gerard kept leaning across me to give out to him for it.

It was fun.

But I was tired.

I dumped all of my bags in the hallway as soon as we got inside so I could cuddle Lois, who was absolutely delighted that we were all finally home. It had been a long day.

For our first  _ family day out _ it went pretty well. It was nice to not have to stress about the important stuff going on. I didn’t wanna leave New Jersey, to leave Frank, but I was able to forget about that for the day. I was able to just enjoy time with my new family. And thankfully, it seemed they were doing the exact same.

We were all happy, we were all bonding and on the same fucking page for once.

It was the calm before the storm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there it is! I know this is a bit of a filler chapter and there's not really much happening in it but it's still like pretty average length, not the longest but definitely not the shortest. I'm feeling pretty okay about this. Like I said, I just wanted to build up Nellie's character a bit more. I hope y'all enjoyed it, please let me know what you think because I'm kind of nervous about posting a whole chapter from an original character's point of view.  
> Kind of shocked that this is chapter 23. When I started writing this, 20 chapters would have been massive to me and I would have expected to finish the story with that. But now I'm 23 chapters (309 pages) in and I'm still nowhere near done. Wow.  
> Thankfully my portfolio is done! I submitted it on the fourth, I think, and I'll hear back from them at the end of March so... fingers crossed. I'm pretty terrified about it all to be honest but I'm just trying not to dwell on it too much for the fear that I'll just drive myself mad with worry.  
> Fun thing that has happened since my last update: I've started counseling. I have quite a few problems and mental health issues that have really been getting worse over the past few months. It took five months to get my appointment which is pretty shit but now that I have it, it's gone from 0-100, you know? Like I'm on a bit of a watchlist of sorts so I'm getting a few phone calls every day and I've been referred to a few other places so I'm getting phone calls from them too and then I have another appointment on Monday for an assessment with another place so it's a little stressful. I also got referred to a specialized abuse counseling place and I had to call them today to confirm my place and I don't like phone calls as it is but the lady was really mean so that really was not fun at all. They also keep talking about hospitalization and stuff which is kind of daunting. They upped my meds though, which would be good if not for the shitty side effects. They're giving me migraines currently which is not a vibe. Sorry for venting but I do sometimes feel that this is one of the few places I can.   
> I've been posting some story upload updates on my Instagram story (witchy.jadda) and I might start doing more of that because like it's easier for me to kind of explain things on there. Like today I posted to say the update would be late because of my migraine and stuff, you know?  
> I ordered The Umbrella Academy (all three of them) and The True Lives of My Chemical Romance which I'm so so excited to read! I've already read the first volume of TUA and I'm going to read the second tomorrow but I haven't decided yet if I want to read volume three now or wait until after season three comes out. I have zero self control though so chances are I won't be able to wait. I'm really excited about The True Lives of My Chemical Romance though.  
> So I'm about to start writing some chapters that I'm pretty excited for. I don't know if I'll get us to where I want to be with next weeks chapter or if it'll be the week after but we shall see. Exciting things are coming. And as much as I'm going to hate leaving Frank chapter's behind, I'm very excited to share Pete's chapters. They're going to be so fun.  
> Hopefully, unless something big happens to prevent it, I'll be uploading the next chapter next Friday, the 19th.   
> I hope everyone is keeping safe. How are y'all? Did you have a good couple of weeks? I hope you're all doing well and I hope you all have a good week.  
> Let me know what you thought of the chapter, I love reading your opinions.  
> Have a good week! I'll see you again next Friday. Thank you all for reading!  
> Stay home, stay safe and stay spooky! xo jadda


	24. Mikey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a short, late, unedited chapter. I'm genuinely very sorry about being so late. I'm going to try fix my schedule, I promise. I just have a lot going on right now and I'm finding it difficult to find the time to write.   
> Anyway, here's the chapter. Enjoy!

I was sitting at the breakfast bar going through notes and tapes from conversations I’d had with Mikeyway when Frank wandered into the kitchen.

“Morning Baby Way,” He yawned, “You’re up and at ‘em pretty early, huh?”

I shrugged, “I couldn’t really sleep properly. Just one of those nights. I have a lot of shit to sort through anyway.”

He nodded, “I can imagine. What are you looking at now?”

“Stuff from Mikey. There’s… a lot.”

“Tell me about it. So how far up are you? What’s the last thing he told you about then?”

I glanced down at my notebook, “A couple of days after the hotel thing with Pete.”

“Oh,” Frank winced a little, “Well you’re in for a good time then. Let’s just say it’s not pretty.”

I sighed, “That doesn’t surprise me.”

“What’s this?” He gestured to the notebook that Mikey had been writing in. I explained it to him and he gaped at me, “You gave Mikeyway his own book and I didn’t get one? Nellie, what the hell? I’ll write you notes too! I want a book too,” He pouted a little.

“Are you serious?” 

Of course he was. 

Frank made himself a coffee and headed off to the basement with a notebook tucked under his arm. 

Gerard had gone to meet up with an old friend, Frank was holed up in the basement scribbling away in his notebook, Lois was sleeping, and Mikeyway and I were drinking coffee.

Mikey narrowed his eyes, “What is he up to down there?”

I shrugged, “He wanted to write notes or something, I guess. I gave you and G notebooks to write in so he wanted one too.”

He chuckled, “Yeah, that sounds like him. Okay then, I guess now’s as good a time as any to talk. Let’s just fucking do it…”

+++

When I woke up again, Pete was no longer next to me. Just the Mickey Mouse plushy.

“Shit,” I muttered and jerked up. I smacked my head against the roof of my bunk. “ _ Shit _ !” I hissed and rubbed the top of my head.

I almost fell out of the bunk in my haste to find Pete and then, like the fucking idiot I was, I almost tripped over Frank’s shoes. I scrambled to the front of the bus and-

Pete was sitting on the couch with his legs tucked underneath him and his notebook in his lap. Strangely enough, he was wearing his glasses. I’d seen him wearing them a couple of times before, at signings mostly, but it was rare. His notebook, the one I had found in his bag in the hotel, was open on his knee. 

I sighed with relief. He wasn’t gone. He was right there. I was worrying over nothing. I mean, come on, why would he run off? He had come back. We had agreed to just focus on the now. It was okay. Everything would be fine.

Frank was sitting next to him, frowning as he read whatever was in the notebook. From the few things I had read in it, it didn’t really surprise me.

What did surprise me, however, was the fact that Pete seemed to be showing it to him. 

“Morning Mikey,” Ray said cheerfully from the little table, where he was sitting nursing a mug of coffee. My brother was sitting at the table across from him, his back to me as he sketched, his cup of coffee on the table next to the papers.

The other two snapped their heads up to look at me and then Pete snapped the notebook shut at the same moment that a smile spread over his face.

“Good morning Mikeyway,” He beamed.

I smiled a little, “Morning.” I made my way to the coffee machine.

Frank hopped over to stand next to me, grabbing a mug for himself. I raised an eyebrow. He shook his head, “I’ll tell you later.”

I frowned, not sure what there was to tell me.

Frank flopped back onto the sofa with his cup of coffee and leaned over to drape his arm across my brother’s shoulders. He tucked his feet underneath him and looked over at what my brother was doing, resting his head against him.

I rolled my eyes and sat down on the remaining empty sofa. Pete watched me with a slight smile. I raised an eyebrow.

“I didn’t want to wake you,” He explained, “You looked like you needed the rest. I was hungry though.”

“You could have woken me,” I insisted, “I’d rather you weren’t alone.”

He sighed and moved over to sit next to me, “Frank was here. We talked and he told me that you haven’t been sleeping properly. So I’m glad I didn’t.”

“You don’t need to be worried about me, Peterpan,” I reached for his hand, “I’d rather you got some sleep.”

He smiled, “Baby I’m fine. I slept better last night than I have in days. Don’t worry.”

But I did worry. Of course I worried. There was a strain behind his eyes that had been quite so obvious before.

I nudged Frank, “Do you think he’s, you know, okay?”

We were standing at the side of the stage watching Fall Out Boy’s set. Pete was his usual hyper self onstage, but he’d been a little quieter than normal that morning.

Frank shrugged, “He’s going through a lot, man. The guy really loves you. Like a crazy amount for someone who has only known you a few weeks. Mikey, I think maybe he’s in a lot deeper than you are. I love you, man, you know that, but do you love him as much as he loves you? I get the feeling you’re going to break his-”

“Frank, please,” I cut him off.

He held up his hands, “Mikeyway, you’re my best friend. Don’t think for a minute I’d ever- I’m on your side, okay? I just don’t want to see anyone get hurt because I know if he ends up hurt it’ll only hurt you.”

I sighed, “You’re making me sound like I’m heartless.”

He shook his head, a small smile toying on his lips, “You’re far from it. You know you’re one of the best people I know. Look I know you and I know you have one of the biggest hearts. But I just want to protect that. That’s what I meant when I said I’d tell you later, by the way.”

“It’s not exactly reassuring, Frankie.”

He shrugged, “It’s not meant to be. I just- He loves you. You should know that.”

“I do.”

He scoffed, “You think you do but… I don’t think you get it.”

I shot him a glare, “Just because you have a few conversations with him, it doesn’t mean you know him better than I do.”

The look he cut me in return made me jump a little.

“Piss off, Michael,” He snapped, “You’re being an asshole. I know it, you know it, Pete knows it, Ray, Gerard, fucking Bob… Everyone. You’re being a real dickhead lately so snap the fuck out of it, okay? You’re getting on everyone’s nerves. The way you’re acting is stupid, man. I don’t know what the fuck is going through your head with the whole thing with Pete but if you keep it up you’re both just going to end up miserable. I’m just trying to help you, dumbass.”

I frowned, “Frank, I-”

He shook his head, “I’m going to find Gerard. Do whatever you’re gonna do.”

“ _ Frank _ .”

He left without another word.

Well shit.

+++

“Wait, stop,” I frowned, “So Frankie read Pete’s notebook? You said- You said Frank was reading over Pete’s shoulder, they were up first, and- He had early drafts of the songs about you when you scanned through it so-”

“So what did Frank see when Pete went through it with him,” Mikey muttered, looking a little lost, “So what did he tell him?”

I shrugged, “Frank never mentioned it. He never-”  _ How much did he know? _ It wasn’t something I could voice to Mikey but it seemed obvious now that the pieces had slotted into place. I shook my head and tried to smile, “I mean, you saw the notebook too. Frank probably- I’m being silly. Go on, forget I said anything.”

“No, no. Pete showed him that notebook and-”

“Mikey please,” I begged, “Just forget about it.”

+++

When Pete came off the stage, he was alive. Bouncing and grinning and happy. 

I wrapped my arms around him, “You were great.”

He kissed my cheek, “Only for you.”

I smiled, “Are you okay?” 

He grinned, “Better than ever.” And for a brief moment I almost believed him.

I had some time before I had to go on and so I walked with him to the Clandestine tent.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

He shrugged, “I’m doing better.” His hand brushed against mine.

It was as good as I could hope for, I supposed. I twisted my fingers through his, “I’m here, okay? You’re not alone. I want to help in any way I can.”

Pete squeezed my hand, “Being here is enough, baby. I love you.”

“I love you too, Peterpan.”

I kissed him behind the Clandestine tent and felt like a kid in high school. 

Things had changed between us, ever so slightly, in those few days. In a way, we drifted apart. But we also grew closer than ever. Our love became stronger than ever.

He laughed as we pulled away, “You’re more than semi-sweet, you know that?”

I rolled my eyes, “Yeah well you’re the sweetest little dude.”

He bumped my hip, “You’re the Duke of Handsomeness.” And then, like the immature asshole he was, he stuck his tongue out at me and cackled.

It was just good to hear him laugh.

“I need to get back to the stage, dumbass,” I told him as I gave him a quick kiss.

“I’m sorry I won’t be there,” He was sincere, “But I’ll be waiting in the backroom.”

I apologised to Frank before we went on stage. He had been right, he nearly always was. 

“What was that about?” Ray asked, raising an eyebrow and I just shook my head. I supposed I’d explain it to him later. I supposed I would need to apologise to him too. Frank was fucking right.

We played our set and did a signing, which was exhausting but adorable because I truly did love meeting people. It was just incredibly draining. Straight after though, I grabbed my backpack from our bus and rushed off to Pete’s bus afterwards.

Sure enough, he was waiting in the backroom.

I greeted Patrick as I passed through the bus and he waved a little awkwardly.

“Um, Mikey?” He called after me.

“Yeah?”

“About everything that’s happened…”

I waved him off, “It’s all over with now.”

“I just don’t want you to think I’m an asshole,” He sighed, “I didn’t agree with everything Pete was doing but he- He needed us to be there for him and I didn’t want him to think-”

“Patrick,” I laughed, “I get it. I’d do the same in a heartbeat. It kinda makes me respect you even more, man.”

His cheeks reddened as he smiled.

Pete was lying on the couch in the backroom with his knees propped up and his notebook resting against it, scribbling away.

The curiosity was killing me.

“Hey Peterpan,” I smiled.

He glanced up at me, instantly beaming, “Hey Mikeyway.”

“What are you up to?”

He tucked his pen into the notebook and shut in, before tucking it away behind the couch cushions, “Just writing out some thoughts. I’m literally only in about ten minutes. How was your set, baby?”

I sat down next to him and he instantly flopped his head onto my lap. I laughed, “It was good. Some guy threw a bottle at Gerard.”

He cackled, “Did it hit him?”

“Nah but it did hit Bob’s kit.”

“Oh,” He frowned, “Did it hit Bob?”

I scoffed, “Why do you want to see my band members get hurt?”

He rolled his eyes, “Not hurt. Just mildly inconvenienced. Oh, come on, Mikeyway. Don’t tell me you wouldn’t laugh if that happened.”

I chuckled at the thought.

“You see?” Pete grinned, “It would be funny.”

“Yes but I’m an asshole,” I pointed out, “Semi-sweet, remember?”

He sighed, “I’m doomed, Mikeyway.”

“Only half doomed,” I teased.

“Hey, if I don’t get to be the asshole, you don’t get to be nonsensical.”

I smiled, “Okay, I can live with that. I can’t keep up with your  _ nonsensical _ ways most of the time, never mind trying to do it myself.”

“Good,” He sat up to kiss me, “And you’re not an asshole, Mikeyway. You’re perfect.”

“And you’re being cheesy again, Peterpan,” I kissed him too, because I could. Because he was here. Because he was mine. Because I loved him. Because he loved me.

And then the bus went over a bump and he fell onto the floor, smack down on his ass.

And I howled with laughter.

He glared up at me, “I take it back. You are an asshole.”

I didn’t even try to hide my laughter, “I may be an asshole, but you’re a total dumbass.” I offered him a hand up.

He smacked it away half heartedly and pulled himself to his feet before pouncing on me.

+++ 

Mikey stopped to make food. Well, I made food. He helped. Sort of.

Lois ran around the back yard chasing a butterfly.

I think Frank just sensed there was food because he appeared in the kitchen too. 

I was making tortilla pizzas and while we waited for them to be ready, we sat around talking and listening to the radio. 

“Wait,” I laughed from my perch from the counter top, “So you never told Frankie what you said to G during ProRev? Like ever?”

Mikey shrugged, “It didn’t matter. I only told you because I thought it might be relevant to your story or whatever.”

Frank scoffed, “Well, Mikeyway, I have lots of secrets from you too if that’s how you’re gonna play it.”

Mikey rolled his eyes, “Look, I only told the kid because you landed me in it by telling her about the fight and the whole ProRev thing. I wouldn’t have needed to tell her anything had you not-”

“You told Nell about ProRev?” Gerard gasped from the doorway.

“Shit,” I muttered.

Gerard looked seriously pissed off. “Why the hell did you tell her?”

Frank gaped. The only word I could think of to describe how he looked was simply  _ flabbergasted _ . He was completely astonished. 

Mikey stepped between them before I could really comprehend what was happening. He knew his brother too well because in the same instant Mikey had moved across the room, Frank had tried to spit out a response and Gerard had stepped toward him.

“Hey, dude, you don’t want to do that,” Mikey wrapped his hand around his older brother’s wrist. I don’t think he was going to attack Frank, he wouldn’t do that. He was so upset over me knowing about the fight between him and Frank, he wouldn’t allow history to repeat itself in front of me. And he was not violent at all.

“She needed to know,” Frank mumbled.

Gerard jerked forward a little and I widened my eyes at Mikeyway’s strength.

“Don’t be a fucking idiot,” He muttered, “I know you don’t want to do that.”

“We agreed-” Gerard started.

Frank shook his head, “No, I know but- I had to, G!”

“You-”

There was a bang from outside and we all froze then jumped to look at the back door.

“Lois!” I leapt off the counter and raced to the back door.

She had caught the butterfly.

The tension in the room eased the instant Lois bounced in with the butterfly hanging out the side of her mouth. 

Laughter bubbled out of me.

“Lois,” Frank was trying not to laugh, “Lois, no! Spit that out. Lois, bad dog!”

I had to press my hand over my mouth to stop myself from laughing.

Lois refused to drop her butterfly. Her tail wagged excitedly, even as she was being scolded.

Gerard chuckled, “Frank, she’s going to end up eating- Oh fuck, it’s still alive! Lois, no! That’s so mean!”

Gerard disappeared, declaring he needed a few minutes alone. Frank hid in the basement. I followed him.

“You know you can’t just hide away, right?”

He groaned, “Maybe I’ll just hide away here until you guys go back to LA.”

I rolled my eyes, “You don’t mean that.”

He sighed, “No, I don’t. I just- I’m not used to him hating me like this.”

“He doesn’t hate you.”

“He doesn’t love me anymore though.”

I didn’t really know what to say.

So I moved past it.

I scoffed, “When did all of this get so difficult?”

“Nobody said it would be easy, kiddo.”

“I know,” I nodded, “I just wish I could fix things. Actually, hey, can I ask you something?”

He shrugged, “Sure, I guess.”

“Did Pete show you his notebook?”

His face fell, “What?”

“Mikey said, um- I’m kind of just putting pieces together here. He showed you, didn’t he?”

Frank scowled, “Stop being so clever. There’s no point in lying though. Yes, he did show me. I saw the earlier drafts of the oh-so iconic  _ Songs About Mikeyway _ . I think, at the time, he just wanted someone to share them with that wouldn’t judge him. Someone who knew about the whole situation.”

“And you never told Mikey?”

“Pete was my friend at the time. I didn’t want to be an asshole. And I guess I just thought things would work out between them.”

It was another one of those conversations that left me with more questions than it answered.

I brought Gerard a coffee. He was sitting in the backyard on one of the old wooden chairs, completely lost in his own little world. Lois was on the other side of the yard rolling around in the grass and eating something. She glanced over at me and wagged her tail as I approached Gerard.

I nudged his shoulder, “Here.” 

He took the mug gratefully and hummed his thanks.

I sat on the chair next to him, curling my toes into the damp grass and sipping my coffee before speaking. 

“Frank only told me because I asked,” I insisted, “I wanted to know. Don’t- Don’t blame him, please.”

“It’s not as simple as that, Nellie,” He sighed, “He shouldn’t have told you without asking me about it first. And he should have let me explain myself.”

“It’s not like he portrayed you in a bad light. He would never do that to you. And Mikey was able to help me to understand your perspective a little-”

“Fuck, I forgot Mikey told you too,” He ran a hand through his hair, “I didn’t want you to think I was an asshole.”

“I would never think that,” I reassured him, “Look, I don’t know what you and Frank agreed to or whatever but I do know that he would never say anything mad about you, ever. And it wouldn’t matter to me if he did. You’re the closest thing I’ve ever had to family and I’m still going to love you no matter what.”

For a brief moment he looked as if he was going to cry and then there was a crash and a yell from inside.

We both leapt up and raced inside. 

Mikey was screaming.

There were smashed plates on the floor and spilled coffee across the counter.

Frank was yelling too, trying to calm Mikey down.

My stomach sank. I knew what this was about.

“What the hell?!” Gerard yelled and rushed to his brother.

Mikey tore himself away from his brother’s grip, snarling at Frank, “You knew! You fucking knew! You watched everything, you sat back and let me go through  _ all of it _ and you knew!”

Frank was trying to defend himself, “Mikey, it’s not like that, it’s-”

“You let me go through that!” He screamed, “You could have- You could have warned me, you could have done something, but you don’t fucking care! I’m so-  _ Get off me _ !” He snapped at his brother then turned his glare back to Frank, “Fuck you, Frank. Go fuck yourself, dickhead.” He kicked a shard of the shattered plate across the floor then stormed from the room.

Gerard looked a little bit stupefied so I had to act fast. I glanced at Frankie for reassurance and he nodded. 

I raced from the room, “Mikey, wait!”

“Kid, I can’t do this right now,” He dismissed me as he climbed into the car.

I quickly jumped into the passenger seat, “You really think I’m going to let you go off on your own after that? No fucking way. I’m coming with you.”

“Nellie, get out of the car. You don’t even have shoes on.”

I buckled my seat belt and shrugged, “I won’t get out of the car then. Just drive, Mikeyway. Accept the fact that I’m your friend and I’m here to help you.”

“You’re infuriating,” He grunted, but started the car. “You really think it’s a good idea to leave the two of them alone?”

“It’s a better idea to do that then to let you drive away on your own.”

He nodded and pulled out of the driveway.

Mikeyway didn’t really talk much as we drove. We just listened to the radio and remained in a peaceful silence.

After about thirty minutes, he finally broke it, “Frank knew about  _ Infinity on High _ . Pete showed him and he never told me.”

I wasn’t entirely sure what to say. What could I say? I wanted to remain neutral. And I also wanted to take Mikey’s mind off the topic.

“I’m sure he had his reasons for not telling you though,” I offered, “You need to talk to him about it, But maybe the two of you just need to cool off first.”

He sighed, “Yeah, I suppose you’re right. I just- How could he do that to me, Nell? He’s my best friend and he- It doesn’t matter. Do you want McDonald’s?”

I smiled, “Always. Do you want to talk about it?”

He shook his head, “Not really. I’d quite like a feast of shitty food though.”

So that was exactly what we had.

And it was perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a few days late and it's a shitty chapter but it's all I can give right now.   
> I don't like making excuses, but I really just have had a lot going on the past few months. I've barely had any time to write. I think I might temporarily change the schedule to every other week for uploads, because I just need to take some time to catch up. I like to be a couple of chapters ahead of uploads and it's really stressing me out that I'm not right now. Like I have about 90k words of other scenes that I just wrote when inspiration struck but they aren't chronological or anything, you know? I just need to catch up so I can get back on top of things.  
> It's been a hell of a week. I've been in quite a slump lately and then at the beginning of the week I had a manic episode and decided to completely rearrange my bedroom. It's important to mention that my room is tiny and was a complete depression room, as my best friend calls it, because it hasn't been cleaned in ages. And I decided to rearrange it without cleaning it. So it took me like two hours just to move my fucking bed because I didn't have a lot of cleared off space and my room is very small. But I moved my bed eventually, and I moved everything else too. And then I've just been spending a few hours every day trying to clean in up because it genuinely is complete chaos. I'm trying to get my shit together, but it hasn't really been working.  
> Then in the middle of all of that I went to buy a bookshelf because I desperately need a new one and I couldn't get it. The place said they were doing a call and collect service but I got there and they said they were only doing home delivery and the delivery charge was crazy expensive so the new shelves were a no go. Instead I went to a supermarket I don't usually go to and I got an over the door storage rack and some vegan sausage rolls, which was a total win. I also got a Danger Days Gerard Funko and I'm so happy with him. He's adorable.   
> I didn't have college last week but I had a load of assignments to do. And instead of doing them I just stressed about them and did absolutely nothing. So my course is not a vibe right now.  
> It's been pretty stressful. Last weekend we had a pretty long power cut in the late evening which wasn't fun because I'm really scared of the dark, and also because literally everything - even the water - was gone but I was just freaked out about the dark honestly. And then in the middle of all that there was this whole fucking chaotic thing that is too difficult to even begin to get into but I wound up sobbing on the floor in the corner so that's never too fun.   
> The whole day hospital thing has been pretty strange. They basically just ring me pretty much everyday and ask me where I'm at and stuff and it's kind of stressful honestly. I'm not good with phone calls so the amount I'm getting lately is killing me honestly. But then the fact that they're just asking these questions over and over and not giving counseling or anything is pretty stressful too. I get that there's not much that they can do, especially now with Covid, but I don't know. I still don't really know how I feel about it all. They changed my meds though. I'm going onto a higher dose of something stronger, so let's see how that works out. I don't really know if I want to keep taking them honestly but I'll give the new ones a try.  
> Sorry for ranting, things have just been chaotic. Also I have like 40 follower requests on Instagram that I need to go through so if you've followed and I haven't accepted, it's because I got overwhelmed. I will get around to doing that soon though. Hopefully.  
> Anyway, about uploads - I don't want to say I'll see you on Friday because let's be real it's way too close to today. I need some more time so next upload will be the following Friday (5th March), and you can hold me to that.  
> I really hope you guys understand. Thank you for reading, and thank you for sticking with me through this rocky period. I'm going to go to sleep now, but please let me know your thoughts!   
> I hope you all enjoyed the chapter and I'll see you very soon. Thank you for reading.  
> Stay home, stay safe and stay spooky! xo jadda


	25. Gerard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sort of back on schedule! Finally!! I hope you all enjoy the chapter, it's a little different to what I was originally going to do with it but I like the way it's turned out. The 2005 scenes in this chapter are pretty light and almost filler-ish, I guess, but I sort of felt like it was necessary. There's been a lot of angst, and there's a lot more to come, so I just thought y'all deserved something a little softer and lighter. And I kind of just wanted to write something a little more wholesome too, you know?  
> Anyway... here's the chapter. I hope you all enjoy it!

Mikey pulled a face, “You’re being gross.”

I took another gulp of the milkshake, “I’m not being gross.”

“You’re making that gross slurpy sound with the straw,” He shot me a glare as I took another gulp. 

“You’re so grumpy today,” I rolled my eyes.

He scoffed, “Well I’ve had quite the day.”

“Never a dull moment, huh?” I placed my now empty cup into the holder. 

“Not since you wandered into my life,” He sighed.

I gasped, “Don’t throw the blame on me, Mikeyway! Your life has been far from dull from what I’ve heard.”

He smiled a little, “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Things have been kinda crazier since you appeared in our lives though.”

I rolled my eyes, “Maybe so… Can I tell you something?”

Mikey glanced at me, “Always.”

“You’re kind of my first friend,” I admitted, “Like a proper friend, you know? I never really had anyone I was close to growing up. And then when I met you everything just- It’s just cool to know that I have people looking out for me, and you were the first. So I thought you might like to know that.”

“You’re adorable, Baby Way,” He chuckled, “I think we’re past the point of friendship though, are we not technically family?” He teased.

I grinned, “Yeah I suppose so.”

“I’m not a lame uncle though, right? I’m cool.”

“I think the very fact that you just called yourself cool proves it to be the opposite.”

“Well I was going to offer to get coffee but…”

“You’re cool, you’re cool!” I rushed, laughing.

The house was bathed in darkness when we pulled up in front of it. It was only a little after ten so I didn’t expect the place to be so dark.

“Never a good sign,” Mikey muttered, voicing my thoughts.

I gripped his arm as he reached for the door, “Hey, can you just promise me you’re not gonna go off on Frank? I don’t want to have to pick a side. Please don’t make me pick a side.”

“And if you did?”

“Then I wouldn’t side with the person forcing me to pick. Mikey, just promise me you won’t go off on him. Frank never wanted to hurt you.”

“I know,” He sighed, “I know. I won’t- I’m not gonna go off again, okay?”

“You better not,” I released his arm.

The ground was a lot colder on my bare feet than it had been earlier when the sun was still shining. I rushed past Mikey to the front door to escape it, fumbling to open it. The decision to run out to the car without shoes on had seemed to be a good one at the time, but I was starting to regret it now if I was to be honest. My feet were dirty, and that was fucking gross. 

“Ew, ew, ew, ew,” I muttered as I wiped them on the mat at the front door.

Mikey wiped his boots on the mat too, “You’re gross.”

“Fuck you, I only did this for you,” I pointed out.

“I never asked you to.”

“Don’t be an asshole,” I rolled my eyes but smiled almost immediately as Lois came bounding out of the living room, jumping up at me excitedly. I beamed, “Hey Lois! Hey baby! Who’s a good girl? Who’s the best girl?”

Mikey scoffed and gave her a little rub on the top of her head, “You love this dog way too much.”

“What’s not to love?” I bent down and Lois gave me a big, slobbery kiss. Mikey gagged. I laughed and headed into the living room, flopping backwards onto the pile of blankets on the couch.

“Gahh!” The pile of blankets - seemingly Frank - flailed and I leapt up, screaming.

Mikey shrieked a little too.

“What the hell?” Frank sat up with a gasp, reminding me strangely of the way vampire’s rose from the dead in old movies. 

I couldn’t help but laugh, “What are you doing?”

Lois leapt up onto the couch, nudging me excitedly with her snoot.

“I was watching a movie!” Frank gestured to the TV, shaking the blanket off of his hand. 

“Why so many blankets?” Mikey raised an eyebrow.

“Why so much screaming?” Gerard asked as he wandered into the living room holding a large bowl full of popcorn, “Oh hey, you’re back.” He fell onto the sofa, sitting on Frank’s other side, glancing at his brother who was still standing by the doorway, “You done?”

Mikey rolled his eyes, “Maybe.” He kicked his boots into the corner and squeezed onto the couch with the rest of us, “Why the hell is the place in darkness?”

“Movie night,” Frank and Gerard said in unison. 

Mikey scoffed as he failed to squeeze comfortably onto the couch, “Frank, I think you could lose like half of those blankets. Isn’t four enough?”

Eight blankets. Who in their right mind needs that many blankets?

Frank piled them all on top of me and then we scooched down. Lois climbed across Frank’s lap to try to stick her head into the bowl of popcorn Gerard was holding.

Once we were all comfortably spread out across the couch, Frank passed out the blankets and then we dumped the rest of them onto the floor. Lois processed to roll around on them between flashing puppy dog eyes at Gerard for the popcorn.

We were watching  _ House on Haunted Hill _ , which all three of them were completely shocked I’d never seen. And so we ate popcorn and watched the movie.

“I’m too old for this,” Gerard yawned as we made our way into the kitchen to get more snacks. Frank and Mikey had been left in charge of picking the next movie.

I laughed and pulled myself up onto the counter, “For what exactly?”

“ _ This _ ,” He gestured and I knew I wouldn’t get anymore out of him. It was one of those strange times when I just knew he wouldn’t elaborate. He got like that a lot when Frank was involved.

It was useless to press him on the subject so instead I asked, “Should we leave them alone in there for a few minutes? I feel like they need it.”

“I feel like they’ll end up ripping each other’s throats out but I suppose you’re right. What was that earlier? Did Mikey tell you? Frank was acting all cagey.”

I shifted, “It’s not- I don’t know if it’s my place to say but I’m not gonna keep anything from you. So please just promise you won’t get pisssed?”

He frowned, “That’s never a good sign. I promise though. Go on then, what happened?”

I sighed, “Okay so… Mikey was talking about 2005 and he kinda started to connect the dots, I guess. Pete and Frank were friends back then, right?”

“Right,” He nodded a little suspiciously as he reached into the freezer to get ice cream, “I’m still confused.”

Backstory would be necessary then… 

“Um… Oh fuck. Okay,” I took a deep breath, “And remember when Pete disappeared? I don’t know if Mikey told you but when he was in the hotel room that night before he went to the roof, he- Okay, um- He went through Pete’s notebook. You know, his journal or whatever with lyrics and thoughts and shit and-”

“Wait, what?” Gerard glanced up at me in shock, “That’s invasive! That’s personal!”

I rolled my eyes, “That’s not the point here. Anyway, so Mikeyway got a quick look at it, I guess, and he saw some of the stuff that was written about him and it was the notebook Pete used to write lyrics in so Mikey knew that and-”

“Okay,” Gerard scooped some ice cream into the bowls, “We’ve established that Pete had a personal notebook with lyrics about Mikey in it. What has that got to do with Frank?”

“Pete showed Frank the notebook.”

“Why?”

I shrugged, “They were friends, I guess. And Frank snoops, he’s hard to say no to.”

He nodded, “So why’s Mikey pissed at him now?”

I groaned, “Oh my god, did I not cover this? Notebook, lyrics about Mikey, early drafts of songs about Mikey…  _ Infinity on High _ .”

“Yes, I get that but- Frank?”

“Pete showed the notebook to him.”

“Nellie,” Gerard sighed as he passed me the cans of Coke, “Kiddo, we’re going around in circles here. I’m confused. You’re not entirely making sense. Stop being so cryptic.”

“Oh for- Pete showed Frank the notebook, which contained the lyrics about Mikey Fucking Way, lyrics which ended up in songs and albums about Mikey particularly  _ Infinity on High _ , which caused a lot of hurt for Mikey when Pete just fucking released so many songs about them out of the blue.”

His brow furrowed as he put the pieces together, then his mouth slowly fell slightly agape, “He fucking knew about the songs and didn’t warn him.”

I shook my head, “Yes and no. He sort of knew Pete had written these beautiful things about Mikey, he didn’t know what was going to happen. And you promised you wouldn’t get pissed!”

He held up his hands, “I’m not getting pissed! I’m just- Wow. It only makes sense really that Frank wouldn’t know what was going to happen. He liked Pete, he was his friend. But Mikey’s his brother, you know? He was never going to choose Pete over him. I can see why Mikey would be mad at him though, I can’t really blame him.”

I glared, “You’re meant to be helping me defuse the situation.”

“Hey, I am!” He protested, “I helped defuse the situation. You went off with Mikey and I stayed with Frank. We watched movies together and I made popcorn.”

“Mikey and I ate some of that popcorn.”

He scoffed, “You really think we only made  _ one _ bowl of popcorn?”

“That’s fair. Should we go back in before the ice cream melts?”

Frank and Mikey hadn’t killed each other by the time we had returned. They were complaining over what we should watch. 

“You had one job,” Gerard rolled his eyes, “Our job was ice cream, yours was a movie. We completed our tasks, why-”

“It was ice cream and drinks,” Mikey corrected, “And you seem to not have any drinks.”

“Aha!” I grinned, “That is where you’re wrong, Michael!” I reached into my pocket and produced the cans of Coke, two in each pocket absolutely weighing my cardigan down. But it was worth it for the fact that I was able to wipe that smug look off of his face. I stuck my tongue out at him, in a totally not childish way. He returned the gesture and I laughed.

“We did our jobs,” Gerard grinned smugly.

“Okay, okay,” Frank grunted and tossed Gerard the controller, “You pick the fucking movie then.”

By the time I made it up to bed, it was late and I had eaten too many snacks. It was worth it though. Definitely fucking worth it. It had been a great night, almost perfect.

Sure, there was some unresolved tension between Frank and Mikey but I was sure they’d resolve it. They had to.

Lois started pawing at my door while I was changing into my pyjamas and so I let her into the room and laughed as she made herself comfortable on the bed. 

“Scooch over Lo,” I nudged her as I climbed into bed. She curled up next to me, resting her head against my shoulder and snoring in my ear.

I woke up to Lois jumping across me on the bed. She bounced over to the door, wiggling excitedly and whimpering in anticipation. I could hear footsteps going down the stairs, which was strangase because Frank usually brought Lois with him when he got up in the morning.

I groaned, “Yeah, yeah. I’m getting up. Just hang on…” 

I found my slippers and pulled on a hoodie then grabbed my phone and opened the door for the dog. She bounded down the hallway and flung herself down the stairs. I yawned as I followed after her. It was too early.

The smell of coffee wafting from the kitchen made it slightly easier.

Much to my surprise, it wasn’t Frank standing at the counter making coffee, but Gerard. 

“Oh hey,” I startled a little as I headed to the back door to let Lois out into the yard. “Good morning. I, uh, I wasn’t expecting you to be up.”

“You were expecting Frank, right?” Gerard chuckled, “Coffee?”

“Yes and yes,” I smiled thankfully as I watched Lois bound down to her pee spot in the yard.

“Why does she always pee in the same spot?” Gerard wondered, voicing my thoughts.

I laughed, “Right? It’s strange.” I decided then that maybe I should stop watching her pee. It was making me feel gross because who wants to be watched while they’re peeing.

I flopped down onto a chair and thought about donuts instead.

I wondered how hard it would be to make donuts. It couldn’t be that hard, right? I mean, I could sort of bake. Maybe I would be able to make donuts…? 

They’d have to be good donuts though. Like either original glazed or a sugared jelly filled one.

Now I really wanted to bake… 

It didn’t have to be donuts though. There were plenty of other things I was good at making.

Ooh, cake would be good. Chocolate cake? Or cookies?

“What are you up to?” Gerard raised an eyebrow as he handed me a mug of coffee and sat down.

“I’m thinking about baking,” I told him as I took a gulp, “Do you like baking?”

He shrugged, “Sure, I guess. I like baked goods.”

I grinned, “Me too. Like more than the actual baking itself to be honest. But sometimes I just want to bake.”

“And now is one of those times?”

“Maybe. I don’t know, I think I just want to eat something that’s freshly baked. I’ll drink my coffee first and then see where my head is at.”

He hummed, “Makes sense.”

“Why are you up so early?” I wondered.

He grimaced a little, “I couldn’t sleep, to be honest. I spend too much time thinking.”

“What were you thinking about?”

“All of this,” He shrugged, “Just… everything, you know? That summer, everything that followed, fucking ProRev, all of this, being here with Frank… I can’t believe he told you about that. I’m furious at him for it honestly. And maybe when I’ve had more time to allow myself to think about it, I’ll tell you my side of things. But I’m not really ready to be back in that space again. And him telling you about it honestly just feels like a low blow. There’s just a lot, Nellie, you know?”

I nodded, “I know. Of course. How are you feeling about it all? I bet you’re excited to get home tomorrow.” I tried to laugh a little to lighten the mood.

He smiled, “In a way. It’ll be nice to be back in my own space again but… I’ll miss  _ this _ .”

Lois pawed at the door then and Gerard leapt up to let her in. She bounced around his legs excitedly and then raced over to the cabinet where her food was kept.

_ Breakfast time _ , she seemed to be saying with her wiggles.

Gerard chuckled and I watched as he fed her. 

Once the dog was happily eating her food, Gerard sat back down. 

I finally spoke, choosing my words carefully, “I’m gonna miss this too. I’m kinda surprised that you will too though.”

“Of course I will,” He sighed, “This is all I ever wanted.”

I frowned, “What?”

“Domestic life with Frank. A home, a kid, a dog. All of it. And now it’s like it’s being dangled right in front of me in the most cruel way.”

“Cruel how?” I questioned.

“It can’t happen,” He ran a hand through his hair, “I killed any chance of it ever happening years ago. I can’t- I can’t put myself in that place ever again.”

I scowled, “But he-”

He cut me off, “Kid, it doesn’t matter. Feelings don’t matter here, okay? It just- It can’t happen.”

I bit my tongue. He was too stubborn. It was infuriating.

“I’m not a kid. Stop treating me like one,” I shot him a glare, “If you don’t want to talk about it though, it’s fine. I’m not gonna push it.”

“Thank you. And I’m sorry, I’m not trying to treat you like a kid,  _ kid _ ,” He teased a little.

I smiled, “Well, if you’re not gonna talk about this, then you can tell me something else.”

“You’re a complete scoundrel,” He chuckled, “Okay, why not? Let’s do this then, Nellie.”

+++

Waking up next to Frank was something I would never grow tired of. Even when he was snoring and drooling on my chest. There was a small wet patch on my t-shirt where he had literally drooled on me. It was oddly adorable.

I guessed it must have still been pretty early in the morning, around three or four, because I couldn’t hear anyone moving around. I could hear Frank’s snores, the hum of the bus and the light snores of my bandmates around me. But that was it. No shouting, no smell of coffee, no burning PopTarts, no music. It was strangely peaceful. 

I guessed I’d woken up because I was hungry. I don’t think any of us had eaten properly that evening, just mostly snacks.

It was rare for me to be the first one awake, but it was nice. Like I said, strangely peaceful.

We had been playing in Minneapolis the day before and so we had a long drive ahead of us to somewhere in New York - Corfu, I think. We’d been one of the last sets the night before, so we hadn’t left until pretty late. 

I wondered where we were now. I was hungry. And I wanted coffee. If Frank wasn’t stuck to me I’d go annoy someone to get them to pull in at a truck stop so I could eat. 

Would it be mean to wake my band to ask if we could?

I shifted a little and sighed.

Probably… I couldn’t do that.

Frank’s snores stopped then and he groaned, “What are you stressing about, G?” He tilted his head a little to look up at me with sleepy eyes. There was a little trail of dried drool at the side of his mouth which I would have found to be gross if it was anyone but Frank.

I chuckled a little, “Nothing. I’m not stressing. I’m just hungry.”

He scoffed, “You should have woke me. Do we have food?”

“We have chips,” I sighed, “I think so anyway. Do you think we’ll be able to stop off somewhere?”

“I don’t see why not,” He yawned, “You go make the coffee, I’ll wake the others.”

As I waited for the coffee to brew, I headed to the driver’s seat.

“Worm,” I used my nicest voice, “Do you think we could stop off at the next truck stop?”

He laughed, “Gerard, it’s like four AM.”

“So is that a yes…?”

He yawned, “Sure. Does everyone want to stop?”

I shrugged, “Possibly. Frank’s waking the other’s now. Hey, where are we?”

“Almost in Illinois,” Worm told me, “I’m pretty sure there’s a truck stop about thirty minutes away. We can stop there, yeah?”

I beamed, “You’re the best, man.”

Ray scowled when he came out of the bunk area, “Why am I awake, Gerard?”

“Food,” I explained and he nodded in understanding.

“So are we stopping somewhere?” Frank asked as I handed him a mug of coffee.

“Yep,” I grinned, “We’re stopping off somewhere in Illinois, we should be there soon.”

Ray yawned, “Should we see if Mikey and the guys from Fall Out Boy are near? Maybe they’ll want to stop too.”

I nodded, “Sure. I’ll ring him.”

“Don’t be annoying though,” Frankie warned playfully as I dialled my brother’s number. 

It rang out the first time so I dialled again.

“ _ What _ , Gerard?” Mikey grumbled into the phone when he answered.

“Did they break down again?” I heard Pete ask sleepily.

“Mikey fuckin’ Way, are you hungry?” I half yelled.

“Kindly fuck off,” He grunted in response.

“Don’t hang up, Mikey!” I rushed, “Look, we’re gonna pull in at a truck stop in a bit. Where are you?”

“I don’t fucking know, Gerard. I’ve been asleep,” My brother muttered grumpily.

I laughed, “Well, wake yourself up. I’ll find out where exactly we’re going and we’ll meet you there soon.”

“Gerard-”

“See you soon, Mikes,” I hung up before he could say anything else.

Unfortunately we decided to be nice and wait for the others to get there so we could all eat together, which meant I had to wait to eat and I was starving. It was also how I ended up walking around the store with wet hair.

The showers in the truck stop had been private and clean, so we were actually able to shower which was pretty great seeing as it was rare to get the opportunity to shower on Warped Tour. 

And then Frank had insisted we stock up on some more food for the bus which was why I was walking around next to him holding a basket.

“Why do we never go anywhere with proper food?” Frank sighed as he stacked junk food into the basket.

I glanced down at what we had, “Oreos are good.”

He smiled, “Oreos are good. But I meant fruit and more than just candy and shitty food.”

I shrugged, “We don’t go to grocery stores a lot.”

“True,” He laughed and then threw a beaming smile my way, “We should get a place together, when things slow down.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah,” He reached for my hand, “Yeah I am. If you don’t want to, it’s okay but-”

“Frankie,” I squeezed his hand, “I want to marry you, of course I want that too. I think that sounds perfect.”

“Yeah?” He had a big, cheek splitting grin painted across his face.

“Yes,” I nodded and leaned forward to give him a swift kiss.

He blushed a little, “I was thinking… We’re touring pretty much right up to Christmas but then we’re free until like the end of March, right? So I thought maybe we could find somewhere then. And I thought maybe we could have some sort of wedding celebration in the new year too. I mean, I love the fact that we’re just gonna say fuck it and just get married at the end of the tour but I know my mom will totally freak if we don’t throw some sort of party for it, you know? I just- I thought it might be nice to be able to celebrate with our families and friends too. And the best time to do it would be between tours and before we start recording the new album.”

In that moment, I was more in love with him than I’d ever been. 

Frank had it all worked out. He had put so much thought into this. The most I’d done was figure out that we should get married, but he’d decided on our life afterwards. And it was perfect.

“Frank Iero, I love you so fucking much. I think it sounds incredible.”

“I love you more, Gerard Way. We could get a dog,” He whispered excitedly, “Our own dog. So our place would have to have a yard for her.”

“I’d like that,” I said softly as he reached for the pack of soda cans, “I’d really love that. And I love the idea to do something with our families too. I think my parents will probably freak too. We need to do something. But still lowkey, because I don’t think we’re really big, classy white wedding people.”

He smirked, “Well, I don’t know about that. I think you’d look great in a dress.”

“I do look great in a dress,” I laughed, “And I bet you would too.”

“Oh I know I would,” He said confidently, and honestly I didn’t doubt it.

By the time we’d paid for our strange groceries and brought them back to the bus, Frank had run through a long list of various names he liked for dogs and when we went back inside Fall Out Boy’s bus were pulling into the parking lot.

“Finally,” I sighed in relief as Mikey trudged off the bus behind the rest of his boyfriend’s band. Frank offered them a big wave then bounded off to Ray over by the arcade machines. Hopefully to tell him that we could finally eat, but most likely to try to get him to win shit at the claw machine for him.

I waited by the door for the others, even though my brother was shooting daggers at me as he approached. I chuckled, “You seem awfully cheery, Mikeyway.”

“You woke me,” He said through gritted teeth. 

“Hey G!” Pete  _ was _ awfully cheery.

Patrick looked sleepy but he smiled all the same, “This was a really sweet idea, Gerard.”

“Even though it’s only five AM,” Joe added and Andy laughed. 

I shrugged, “I was hungry. Now come on, I want to eat.” I grabbed my brother’s elbow - and he held onto Pete’s hand - and I dragged them towards the seating area. 

Frank was sitting at a table with Ray, Worm, Bob and Cortez and he was holding a small generic dog plushy that I just knew he’d bribed Ray into winning for him.

Ray Toro had an incredible skill for winning at those machines.

Mikey pouted, literally fucking pouted, “Ray, that’s not fair. I want one.” He patted his pockets with a frown, “Peterpan, do you have any quarters?”

Pete fished out a handful of coins which Mikey passed along to Ray before dragging him off to the arcade machines. Pete looked a little perplexed.

Frank piped up, “Ray is a god when it comes to hair, guitar and claw crane machines.”

It seemed to be enough for Pete who rushed after them.

I rolled my eyes, “Okay. I’m going to find some food.”

The little food court area was a buffet and a sign that informed me they’d be opening at five thirty. And so we waited, patiently watching them lay out the food.

When Ray returned he offered me a mug of coffee and I beamed.

“Ray Toro, you are a godsend.”

He smiled, “I thought you could do with it, seeing as you’re  _ still _ waiting for your food.”

Frank gaped, “How come I didn’t get a coffee?”

Ray ruffled his hair, “The kids got toys, grown-ups have coffee.”

Mikey, Pete and Frank did all have toys. I cackled at the realisation. 

Frank flipped Ray off.

When the buffet did finally open, I piled my plate up with food. We all did. Everyone was starving. And the food was fresh, which made it pretty decent.

It was strangely like we were all a big family. The way all of us were crammed on one table, rubbing shoulders as we ate, reaching across to swipe food from each other’s plates, talking far too loud… It was incredible.

“So Pete, you’re bringing Mikeyway home to meet your family, huh?” Ray asked.

Mikey spluttered, spitting some of his scrambled eggs out.

Pete giggled, “You okay there, Mikeyway?” He rubbed his back before speaking again, “Not entirely. He’s not  _ meeting my family _ , he’s just… meeting my family.”

It shouldn’t have made sense but it did.

“There’s no need to look so scared, Mikey,” Andy laughed at my brother’s paling face.

“Pete’s folks are great, they’ll love you,” Patrick reassured him.

“Enjoy playing  _ Meet the Parents _ ,” Frank teased, “I shall be sleeping.”

“Oh yeah, that’s definitely all you’ll be doing on your day off,” Joe joked.

It was Frank and I’s turn to splutter - neither of us spat our food out though.

“Oh my God,” Ray cracked up and leaned across the table to high five Joe, “Fucking hell, I love you guys.”

Mikey seemed to brighten instantly at his comments and then glanced over at Frank and I, as if seeking our approval of the others too. We both smiled, which seemed to be enough for him.

“As fun as it is doing all of this teasing, I gotta ask; why do you all have wet hair?” Pete wondered as he took a waffle from the plate in front of my brother.

“They have showers here,” Frank told him happily, then laughed as Mikey swatted Pete’s hands away.

It was almost seven by the time we were ready to hit the road again. 

Mikey and I stood at the buses smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee as we waited for the others.

“So are you nervous?” I asked my brother as I flicked the ashes from my cigarette and watched them disappear in the soft morning breeze.

“Why would I be nervous?” His voice was too steady.

“You’re meeting your boyfriend’s parents. Why wouldn’t you be nervous?”

I didn’t need to look at my little brother to know he was rolling his eyes, “I’m not meeting them as his boyfriend. He just wants me to meet them, I guess. He wants me to see his childhood room and taste his mom’s cookies. I’m going as a friend.”

I scoffed, “Oh yeah? And what do his parents think of their son bringing his friend home with him when they haven’t seen him in weeks and won’t see him again for weeks?”

He shoved me lightly with his elbow, “They literally saw him like two days ago when we played in Tinley Park, dumbass. Pete asked them if it was cool if I came with him tomorrow - well today, actually - when he was visiting. He told them we’ve become good friends on tour and we want to hang out on our day off and that we’ll be doing the same when we get to New Jersey.”

I raised an eyebrow, “Will you? You’re gonna introduce Pete to our parents?”

“Yes, Gerard,” He sighed, “Mom and Dad have met lots of my friends before, this will be just like that. It’s not a big deal.”

“Except he’s your boyfriend,” I pointed out, “And honestly I’m just shocked that you want him to meet our family. That’s a lot.”

“Frank knows Mom and Dad.”

I rolled my eyes, “Frank is in a band with us.”

“Yeah well we’re not gonna be in Jersey for weeks, so I’ll worry about it then.”

“So it is a worry…?”

That earned me another shove.

“Piss off, Gerard!” 

I found myself laughing at my slightly embarrassed brother, “I can’t help it. I know you too well. I also know that Frank is currently exploiting Ray’s claw machine skill. Pete probably is too, to be fair.”

Fifteen minutes, four plushies and a cigarette later, we finally hit the road again… 

… And got right back into bed.

When I woke up again, Frank was already awake and staring at me with that half smile of his.

“Good morning, sweetheart,” I mumbled as he leaned in to kiss me.

“I think it’s probably closer to afternoon at this point, baby,” He whispered.

“Well there goes my sleep schedule,” I snickered, earning an eye roll from Frank.

He kissed me again, in that way of his that I knew was simply to shut me up. I wasn’t going to complain though. He pulled away and gazed at me lovingly, “I was thinking more about getting our own place. I know you like California, I know you like LA and I’ve never really seen myself moving out of Jersey but… I would for you. If that’s what you want. I’d do absolutely anything for you. So if you want our place to be in California, then I’d leave New Jersey for you.”

My insides turned to liquid, butterflies danced through my stomach. He was willing to do that for me. That was how much he loved me. 

I had a faint recollection of a conversation from the year previous, of sitting next to him and telling him that I wanted to live in LA, of telling him I wanted him with me… And he remembered. 

“You’d do that for me?” My voice was barely a breath.

“I’d follow you anywhere, Gerard,” He leaned in to kiss me once again.

Our early morning adventure at the truck stop had lots of upsides, such as the fact that the refrigerator was now fairly stocked and we had more coffee. Life was good.

“We have a Fuse interview tomorrow,” Frank told us, without looking up from his phone, “And a VMA thing in a couple of days.”

“Did Brian text you?” Ray looked away from the movie we were watching to raise an eyebrow at Frank.

“Yeah, he sent me a reminder,” Frank rolled his eyes, “You guys probably got it too.”

Ray nodded, “Probably. I like Fuse though so that shouldn’t be too bad.”

I had to agree with him there. Our interviews with Fuse were usually good fun. The VMA thing was something I wasn’t too sure about, but at least it had the potential to be exciting. It was something new and pretty big.

“Brian is yet to get back to me on whether or not I can bring a lamp as my date to the VMAs, by the way,” Frank snorted.

“Oh for- I thought you were joking about that!” Ray hid his face in his hands.

“I thought I was your date!” I gasped.

Frank chuckled, “A lamp as my plus one. You are my date, but I do get a plus one, you know.”

“I can’t believe you were serious about the lamp,” Ray muttered, clearly trying not to laugh.

“Of course I was serious,” Frank grinned, “It’s gonna be great.”

+++

Frank decided he wanted eggs for breakfast and so he made all of us eggs, toast and coffee. It would have been a nice breakfast if not for the fact that the four of us sat at the table in an incredibly awkward silence for most of the meal. It seemed we were all holding our breath in anticipation of the chaos we knew would have to come.

And then the storm hit.

Mikey dropped his fork onto the plate with a loud clatter.

I jumped a little and started, “Mikey-”

He glanced at me, “I’m not gonna go off, I just-” He turned to Frank with a fake smile, “I just really want to know why you thought it was okay not to tell me.”

“Mikey, we’ve been through this,” Frank said quietly.

“Have we though?” Mikey’s jaw was clenched, “Because it seems to me like you’re just a fucking hypocrite whose main concern is their own fucking image. Your excuse for not telling me is that you promised you wouldn’t, that you were being loyal. But where’s the loyalty to me, your fucking best friend? Where was the loyalty to Gerard when you were bad mouthing him to Nell about shit that happened ten fucking years ago? We’ve not been through this, Frank. So fucking tell me why you thought it was okay to keep that from me.”

“Wait,” Gerard frowned, “You were bad mouthing me?”

I knew I needed to say something, I needed to jump in and stop any of this from escalating but I was at a loss for words. Mikey was being downright vicious, and I wasn’t sure what to do or how to react. This wasn’t the Mikey Way I was used to, it wasn’t anything I would have expected from him.

Frank’s eyes widened, “Of course not! Gerard, I-”

Mikey scoffed, “So what was telling Nell all the gory details of the ProRev fight and the marriage and just how much Gerard hurt you about then?”

“I was just- She needed to know.”

“That wasn’t your decision,” Gerard shook his head.

“I never spoke a bad word about you,” Frank insisted, “You have to believe that, G, I never would. I told her what happened but it wasn’t to hurt you or-”

“Oh sorry, I hadn’t realised that talking shit about me behind my back to my kid was a good thing,” Gerard sneered.

“It wasn’t like that, I swear!” Frank rushed.

“No not at all,” Mikey’s voice was dripping with sarcasm, “You just told her about how hurt you were by my brother and kept lots of secrets from us all about all the shitty things you’ve done and then tried to get her to stay in Jersey.”

“You did  _ what _ ?!” Gerard exclaimed.

I found my voice. “No, no! It wasn’t like that! Mikey, you know that’s out of context! Stop, please,” I begged.

There were tears in his eyes as he let out an exasperated sigh, “You know maybe you were right, Frank. The truth can hurt.”

“Please, Mikey,” Frank pleaded, “You need to understand that I wasn’t keeping anything from you, I-”

“ _ You knew _ ,” Mikey snarled, “You fucking knew and you didn’t tell me.”

“Hang on,” Gerard half yelled, “You tried to keep Nell here? You told her about one of our worst moments and then asked her to stay? Are you fucking kidding me right now?”

I pulled at my hair, “You’re all taking this out of context, you need to calm down and we can-”

No one was listening to me.

“It’s not like that,” Frank stressed.

“And you knew, Mikey? You kept it from me?” Gerard gaped at his brother.

Mikey shrugged, “Well I guess all of us are just liars.”

Frank almost looked as if he was about to cry, “Mikey, you’ve got to believe me, I never kept anything from you. Yes, I saw the notebook but I didn’t know about  _ Infinity on High  _ or anything else. I swear to God, I didn’t. I saw his LiveJournal too, Mikes! That doesn’t mean I knew it was going to turn into a fucking album about you! I didn’t think you needed to know that I’d seen some dumb shit in a fucking notebook over a decade ago.”

“Oh so it’s all about what you think people need to know?” Gerard scoffed, “That’s convenient.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Frank snapped.

“Enough!” I shouted, and the three of them snapped their heads around to look at me in shock, as if they’d forgotten I was there. I ran a hand over my face, “Just stop being so fucking petty. I can’t believe this. This is literally the most stupid fight I’ve ever witnessed. You’re acting like children. Frank, Gerard… I’m not a doll for you to play tug of war with. And I’m not that fucking shallow. I’m my own person, not a fucking puppet for the two of you to fight for control over. And Mikey… I told you not to make me pick a side.”

I could feel their eyes on me as I stood up and walked from the room. Lois, loyal to a fault, followed me up the stairs and jumped onto my bed as I locked the bedroom door behind me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feeling kind of sad that their time in New Jersey is coming to an end. I'm currently working on the next chapter and if all goes to plan they're probably going to be leaving next chapter :( On the upside though, I'm so excited for Pete's chapters!! I have this thing that I do where I've like written some chapters and scenes not in chronological order, because I've just written them as the ideas come to me and then I work around that and work it into the actual chronological story and I've done that with some stuff for Pete. I've not written much of him so far but from what I have done I really love. He's a fun character to work with. And I'm really excited to bring him in properly.  
> So how's everyone doing? I hope you've all had a good couple of weeks and that y'all are doing well.  
> I haven't really been properly online for the past week or so because I had a bit of an incident last week and I just sort of got overwhelmed so I haven't really been doing much online. I've literally been texting my friend and checking my social media like once a day and that's about it. I've just been in a bit of a rough patch and I'm just trying to step back from some stuff and focus more on things like writing and drawing.   
> Did anyone watch the live stream with Gerard? I watch it, initially because I just wanted to see Gerard but I ended up finding it really beneficial. It kind of came at a good time for me because of what I've had going on, which was pretty great.  
> In other news, I got a new book shelf that pretty much goes up to the ceiling and it's fucking massive and I love it. I thought I had a lot of books but this new shelf is showing me just how much more books I need to get. I get paid in like two weeks so let's hope by then I'll have convinced myself not to spend all of my money on books. But if anyone knows any sites where I can get books for good prices, please let me know.  
> I feel like I'm ranting, sorry about that. I'm sure y'all are used to my little rants at this point though.  
> Honestly, the past few days I've kind of remembered why I love writing this story so much. Not that I ever stopped but I sort of fell into a bit of a slump with everything lately and I've not really had much motivation to do anything. And then all of a sudden when I was working on this, it just kind of hit me with all of the reasons why I love it. Cheesy, I know but I like to as honest as possible.  
> So like I said, I'm currently working on the next chapter. I'm gonna stick with the uploads every other week for now. Hopefully I'll get more than just one chapter written in the next couple weeks but I don't want to get too ahead of myself.   
> I'm gonna watch the final episode of WandaVision tonight and I will be giving that my full attention and I will possibly need some time to recover too so I'm not sure how much I'll get done tonight but I'm hopeful that I'll kind of be able to get myself ahead of the schedule soon because it's so stressful that the chapters I'm uploading are the ones I've just finished. I like to be a little bit ahead.  
> Okay so I think that's probably sufficient ranting on my part for now anyway. I'm gonna go drink some coffee, write some more and then probably cry over WandaVision. Wish me luck.  
> I hope you all enjoyed the chapter and I hope everyone has a good couple of weeks. Let me know what you thought, and I'll see you all very soon.  
> As always, thank you for reading. It means a lot to me.  
> Stay home, stay safe and stay spooky! xo jadda


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